It hurts so good: foreword (fiction)

In this short, short story I purposely chose not to use names to show the mental state of the perpetrator. Instead, I am writing a snapshot of the killer's mind and thoughts.

Usually a serial killer wants to be known, so they will eventually reveal their name if they want to be the centre of attention.

This requires an egocentric personality. Not all serial killers are like this because the rationale is you can kill more people anonymously than if everyone knows your name. However, the last three serial killers in America had names, and everyone was made aware of them.

In my story, a serial killer is made by being subject to abuse and neglect by his parents, only to become a victim of a pedophile. However, this serial killer has no ego to advertise. Hence, no name.

By making the killer intersex (sexually ambiguous), I am trying to show that gender dysphoria implies that one's ego is fluid. This implies that gender is established when one's ego is comfortable with being either male or female.

Few people can be sexually ambiguous without losing solidity of one's ego.

I am also suggesting that a fluid ego cannot be named i.e. the person whose ego is not solidly bonded to a gender dispenses with a name.

Because this character also does not have a discrete gender, he could easily be female as she could be male. I refer to her as she here because the gender of birth is female with two XX chromosomes.

However, I will refer to the character as "he" in the story because her criminal acts were committed while in her male persona, which she exhibited from age 12 to age 21.

Wherever his coherent thoughts are written, are written in his later years after being caught by the police.

Therefore, this story is about a very rare kind of serial killer since most women are not serial killers, and never are most intersex people killers.

Although she also has a form of dissociative identity disorder, not all people with this disorder are murderers. Nor do all intersex people have a mental illness. This is why Jane/John Doe is such a rare kind of killer.

As of December 14, 2014, this story has become a work-in-progress.

Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and artistic expression. Furthermore, the author does not endorse anything that he has written in this story as being true and real.

Originally written on August 25, 2013 at 8:24 AM

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