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20141221

How Beautiful (poem)

How beautiful is the image
of perfect symmetry and form,
which was made by a camera,
untouched by human hands!
Each of its pixels is
but a tiny dot of light,
one of many dots which
form an image of symmetry.
How beautiful is this image
in its brilliant splendor!
How perfect is its shape!

Originally posted on November 24, 2014 at 4:41 PM

Journal Entry for December 18 2014 (satire)

December 18, 2014 - 1711H:

It is not technology that is my problem. Rather, it is my willingness to think technology is worth spending time which could have been spent attending to more important things.

None of my psychological issues have to do with anything else.

Instead, they have to do with the same problems that I have experienced with my computer in response to the change to the short winter hours. This has led me to spend more time in my bedroom on my computer and with my smartphones.

No one is responsible for any behavior changes which I am now experiencing except for myself.

However, I enjoy writing in my journal because it relieves the psychic pain — intense emotional anguish — that comes from knowing that using my smartphones instead of my computer does not improve my behavior.

Writing about such anguish and the feelings of guilt and regret is stressful since my feelings about spending more time with technology have been barely exposed.

Even so, the main feeling which emerges from this stress is anxiety wit the feeling that I should have completed an errand outside my home rather than stay at home. As a result of this anxiety, I am sometimes find myself unable to think of going out on that errand after spending most of the day on my smartphones.

Currently I do not feel frustrated as much as I was a half hour ago. That my reaction to the anxiety was to take a 100mg dose of gabapentin to reduce its severity is a positive action. This is because gabapentin helps calm me down.

Mainly I do not feel as anxious as I was before I took that pill!

Therefore the anxiety is not much of an issue.

...

There is no great purpose in analyzing in depth the imbalance between self and others which is apparent here. Instead, the solution is to moderate use of my smartphones.

If I were to go in depth about their use then I would be creating more than I am capable of handling due to the fear that I may uncover something I know about myself but lays hidden in the back of my mind.

Of course, it may be apparent that I act selfishly. This day (Thursday) is the first day of the week that I am free to do my own thing.

Most of my time on the smartphones was not as productive as I wished it to be — at this time I want a rooted Nexus 4. Yet I am over having a rooted phone since it is more productive to have Android 5.0 on it.

Of course, I no longer feel guilty for spending time away from my LDS studies. I have worked that out too.

So I am thankful for the benefits that this writing has given me, an outlet for artistic expression.

This journal entry is worthwhile in time spent exploring my current mood (anxiety about being on my smartphones and fear that I may be missing out on life).

Currently I am going to return to my regular Thursday away from my technology for about a half hour or more. Such writing is productive because I have written three journal pages. Such a positive outcome is worth whatever fear that I had at the beginning of this journal entry.

...

On December 20, 2014 I finally completed that errand which consisted mainly of getting my prescription.

20141218

The Myth of the Quiet Computer (satire)

Over the past five years, I have used a computer in my bedroom. Although the noise the CPU fan is making doesn't sound loud, I decided to test how loud that noise is.

This is not a professional test but suits me because I have enough data to get an average using the technology I have: three smartphones: the Nexus 4, Nexus 5 and Alcatel One Touch Idol X.

On all of my smartphones, I have installed the Sound Meter app from Smart Tools. Additionally, I also use the Sound Meter plugin in the All in One Tool app on the Nexus 4 and Nexus 5, just in case the phone's microphone is either poorly calibrated or not pointed the right way.

In this test, I have recorded the sound level from my Linux PC which ranges from 51 to 53 dB at 0.5 metre from the nearest fan using the Nexus 5, and ranging from 49 to 51 dB using the Nexus 4. The overall average is thus 51 dB using the Sound Meter app.

Additionally I use the All in One Tool Sensors plugin has a Sound Meter that gives additional sound level data.

At the same 0.5 metre distance, sound levels recorded using the Sound Meter plugin were as low as 46.48 dB or as high as 55.85 dB on the Nexus 5 - averaging to 51.17 dB. For the Nexus 4 using the same Sound Meter plugin, the sound levels ranged from 53.32 dB to 54.62 dB - averaging to 53.97 dB. Overall average is 52.57 dB.

Finally on the Alcatel One Touch Idol X, the sound level measured with the Sound Meter app ranges from 58 to 61 dB for an average of 59.5 dB. Given the high reading, they will be excluded from my brief assessment.

Overall my PC's CPU fan is noisy at a little over 50 dB, which is as noisy as a quiet office or street.

This explains why I don't sleep well after going to bed while forgetting to shut the computer off. Usually my well slept nights happen when my computer is shut off.

After 4 years of living like this, I finally realized my insomnia was because I spent the previous 4 yrs sleep deprived due to a so-called quiet computer.

So now I sleep without the computer on.

Screen-shots of Sound Meter and All in One Tool Sensors plugin (sound sensor)

NEXUS 4


NEXUS 5


Alcatel Onetouch Idol X


20141215

It Hurts So Good - Table of Contents (fiction)

  1. Foreword
  2. First & Second Kill 2008
  3. Winter 2010:Kill #12
  4. Why It Hurts
  5. In Other News...
  6. The Early Years
  7. The Triad of Psychopathology

It Hurts So Good - Chapter 1: First & Second Kill 2008 (fiction)

June 26, 2008

It hurts. It hurts. Something is wrong. I feel pain in my bum.

It hurts. Oh, it hurts!

I don't know when I met that bad man. I didn't trust him, though. He said nice things to me for a long, long time. Then he proved me right when he because a creep, touched my no-no parts, and other creepy things.

It hurts in my eye. It hurts in my tummy. But I fixed him good.

Even though I also hurt down below and in my ass, I fixed him good.

After a long time, I got mad. I don't care if I go to hell, but I took the gun he threatened to kill me with and I shot it at him.

That's what hurt my eye, but I watched that creepy guy die.

And even though I might go to hell, I was happy he died. All the pain he gave me when he put his naughty bit in me and made me do things to it that make me sick and feel dirty inside.

December 23, 2008
It hurts. It hurts.

It hurts in my bum. It hurts in my tummy. But I'm happy even though my eye hurts.

It hurts in my tummy, and even though I go to hell, I am happy I shot that creepy guy in the head, in his no-no parts, everywhere. And the blood, the red blood, everywhere.

It hurts. It hurts. I'll live with pain for ever and ever. I might even go to hell, but I'm still glad I killed the bad man.

But it hurt so good that maybe for a second, I wished he was still alive.

Kidding: >:)

Originally posted on June 24, 2013 at 8:12 AM

It Hurts So Good - Chapter 3: Why It Hurts (fiction)

John Doe's diary entry for 2 March 2014:

Whenever I hear this song, I hurt inside.

When I was a young boy
Said put away those young boy ways
Now that I'm gettin' older, so much older
I long for those young boy days
With a girl like you, with a girl like you
Lord knows there are things we can do, baby
Just me and you, come on and make it up

Hurt so good
Come on baby, make it hurt so good
Sometimes love don't feel like it should
You make it hurt so good

It hurts. It hurts to hear this song. I know nothing of love, for I'm unsure if I am a young boy or girl.

It does not matter.

When I hurt, I groom my prey. It's so easy to lure them into the trap: the bad men like their boys and girls young. Just when they think they have me, all it takes is a razor to the throat. Within minutes, they're lifeless.

In spite of the blood, it's fun.

Of course, the trick is to be naked before I slice. It's easier to clean off the blood.

Sometimes though, even when facing death, a few of these bad men will fight me to the death to stay alive.

That's why it hurts so good. >:)

Originally written June 30, 2013 at 6:29 PM

Lyrics from Hurts So Good by George Green and John Melloncamp
Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Royalty Network

It Hurts So Good - Chapter 2: Winter 2010:Kill #12 (fiction)

It hurts. It hurts.

My body has healed but my heart aches.

Today I killed again, another bad man who reminded me of the first kill.

Only this time, I delighted in torturing him by cutting off his naughty bits, and letting him bleed to death.

Blood was everywhere.

Then I locked him in the bathroom, and waited it out.

Yet it hurts.

My heart aches, but I'm not stopping my kills. >:)

Originally posted on June 27, 2013 at 7:05 PM

it Hurts So Good - Chapter 6: The Triad of Psychopathology (fiction)

Name: John Doe
DOB: 1992-06-26
Subject: Triad of Psychopathology

Fire

To me, fire represents the rage that built up in me since the first victim seduced me.

It turns my stomach to think about that night.

Years later, when I was 17, I killed him and burned his house down. Police assumed I'd been killed in the fire because they found the body of a boy but the intensity of the flames made it impossible to check dental records.

That is because I got lucky.


Bed-wetting

My mother used to shame me if I wet the bed as a kid. That never cured me of bed-wetting. Instead I just grew out of it.

I'd only bed-wet when under great stress. The first victim scolded me about it.

Therefore he deserved to die.


Mutilation and Torture of Animals, Especially Pets

I think I did the whole nine yards: I tortured flies, frogs, salamanders... and even broke the neck of a baby bird.

Originally posted on July 21, 2013 at 8:24 PM

Macdonald Triad: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macdonald_triad

20141214

It Hurts So Good - Chapter 5: The Early Years (fiction)

Statement of John Doe, aged 21 January 2014

Pain was my constant from childhood.

When I was born, my naughty bits were so fucked up the doctors couldn't decide if they wanted to leave them be or reconstruct it according to their narrow-minded view of boys and girls.

You see, they assumed that I'd be as confused as they were about being a boy or a girl. However, an infant has no concept of being either, but as a child ages, she learns from first the parents, then one's siblings, and finally one's peers.

God forbid that the parents are as confused as the doctors were. For "hell" is too limited a term to describe how an innocent child becomes an object of shame by two people who are supposed to love him unconditionally.

That shame corroded the self esteem of parenthood, and often led to quarrels arising from the confusion over whether I was a boy or a girl. Often I was caught in the middle of these quarrels because each and every one of them was over me.

So the one day when my parents made the mistake of letting my first victim babysit me, it set the wheels in motion for sexual abuse to be added to the child abuse and neglect that plagued me from the cradle.

Let me first say that my mother treated me like a girl, because she had been treated as a girl when she was born. My father tried to treat me like a boy.

However, his upbringing made it a challenge for him to "undo" the girliness that my mother was indulging me in.

By the time the first victim, who I will not name because it will incriminate me, became my babysitter, I'd been assigned a boy because it matched my naughty bits.

Chromosome testing said I was born female but exhibited male traits. The gender specialist that was brought in to explain this to my parents through my doctor stated that the my gender behavior depends on the environment. If I was exposed to external or internal psychological stress that favors male behavioral attributes, then I'd act like a boy most of the time. Otherwise, I'd behave like a girl most of the time due to the influence of stress that favors female behavioral attribute.

Thus the stress of being with my mother caused me to behave like a girl most of the time, to please her but mainly because we bonded so well.

In contrast, the stress of being with my father caused me to behave like a boy most of the time. However, my father saw me as a boy when we had our first physical fight and I threw a lucky punch.

Mama was livid. "You don't EVER hit your father for ANY reason!" she screamed at me while my dad lay in the hospital.

She wouldn't even let me explain that the fight was my father's idea of manning me up that backfired on him.

Later on, my dad stopped beating me. "Son, I apologize for mistreating you", he said after he got out of the hospital.

By this time I had just turned 12.

Now the first victim came into my life when I settled on acting like a boy after my dad accepted me. Because he was a man, I behaved like a boy around him most of the time. However, he admitted once when I was older that the times that I acted like a girl actually attracted him to me a lot.

When we first got intimate sexually, it was his doing. Both my parents were vacationing with my mom's parents because of a health scare. Grandfather had a stroke, and Grandmother was fed up with the silence and "lack of co-operation". Being old-fashioned, she never understood to how a stroke victim should be treated so she treated him as though he was a child.

Anyway, the first victim started it. I'd gone totally boy one day, and got caked in mud because I wrestled with a boy in school who was teasing me. Just because I have enough of a dick to piss with does not make me a boy, as I'd go all girl under the dominance of women teachers but especially female friends.

However, I had no inhibition about hitting another boy who was doing the gay-bashing thing to me by embarrassing me in front of my friends. It was jealousy because most of my friends were the pretty and shy ones, and that boy I wrestled with liked one of them.

When the first victim picked me up from school, it was after me and the bully rolled in the pouring rain behind the baseball field down into the ditch and out again with other children watching.

By the time the principal caught us, I was covered in mud from head to toe. So was the bully. When the first victim turned up, the bully and his parents had already left.

As we trudged home, I told him about how the fight started and the wrestling.

After the fight was all over, the bully got a bloody nose, and I was unharmed. It must have been because I know how to throw a good punch, having learned it all from my Dad.

I think that's why my first victim abused me.

Originally posted on August 20, 2013 at 3:27 AM

It Hurts So Good - Chapter 4: In Other News... (fiction)

July 1, 2013:

Rumors abound in police departments that a serial killer targeting pedophiles only may explain the recent rise in deaths among pedophiles released from jail after doing their time.

According to anonymous sources in the law enforcement hierarchy, the following modus operandi of the killer are as follows:

  • Uses straight razor - this is assumed from the wounds to the neck and genital area
  • Sometimes sets fire to bodies after shooting them -
  • Mutilates genitals - the pattern appears similar to one of the first cold cases involving a known paedophile. However, police are unable to determine who killed him.
  • Youth - the suspected killer appears to be under 25, yet none of the smudges of his or her fingerprints showed up on the national fingerprint database.
  • Trauma to rectum.

Overall, the suspect may have been a victim of the original pedophile murdered 2-3 years ago. Therefore a serial killer may be at work due to the rise in deaths of released pedophiles.

Currently, law enforcement officials are not notifying said criminals since the serial killer angle has yet to be conclusively proven.

...News reports of a string of grisly murders of pedophiles have led crime reporters in various newspapers to call him "The Straight-Edged Razor Vigilanté".

December 14, 2013: Five months ago, the serial killer known in news media as "The Straight-Edged Razor Vigilanté" has now been captured by law enforcement agents working on the case.

Because of a deal with authorities, the killer turned himself in and has admitted his guilt. He received anonymity due to a special deal with the criminal justice department which involved the creation of a child abuse victims fund.

Because he readily admitted his guilt, he avoided a trial. According to officially declared government documents, John Doe had been reported dead in July 2009 under suspicious circumstances in a house fire.

Actually, in 2009 he burned the body of a boy of his age and height in the house of a known pedophile, who was originally thought to have committed suicide after murdering the boy. Since then he had tracked down and assassinated the 24 pedophiles who had abused him from age 12 to 17.

Now 21, John Doe has been sentence to life in a medium security facility for the criminally insane. All requests for interviews have been denied by his lawyer, who he retained using money from his parents' estate, bequeathed to him on his 21st birthday.


January 15, 2014: My parents had died in 2004 in a tragic car accident while vacationing in Paris. As executor of the will, my family's lawyer - now my lawyer - had doubts about the boy killed in 2009 being me.
Originally posted on July 1, 2013 at 4:04 PM

It hurts so good: foreword (fiction)

In this short, short story I purposely chose not to use names to show the mental state of the perpetrator. Instead, I am writing a snapshot of the killer's mind and thoughts.

Usually a serial killer wants to be known, so they will eventually reveal their name if they want to be the centre of attention.

This requires an egocentric personality. Not all serial killers are like this because the rationale is you can kill more people anonymously than if everyone knows your name. However, the last three serial killers in America had names, and everyone was made aware of them.

In my story, a serial killer is made by being subject to abuse and neglect by his parents, only to become a victim of a pedophile. However, this serial killer has no ego to advertise. Hence, no name.

By making the killer intersex (sexually ambiguous), I am trying to show that gender dysphoria implies that one's ego is fluid. This implies that gender is established when one's ego is comfortable with being either male or female.

Few people can be sexually ambiguous without losing solidity of one's ego.

I am also suggesting that a fluid ego cannot be named i.e. the person whose ego is not solidly bonded to a gender dispenses with a name.

Because this character also does not have a discrete gender, he could easily be female as she could be male. I refer to her as she here because the gender of birth is female with two XX chromosomes.

However, I will refer to the character as "he" in the story because her criminal acts were committed while in her male persona, which she exhibited from age 12 to age 21.

Wherever his coherent thoughts are written, are written in his later years after being caught by the police.

Therefore, this story is about a very rare kind of serial killer since most women are not serial killers, and never are most intersex people killers.

Although she also has a form of dissociative identity disorder, not all people with this disorder are murderers. Nor do all intersex people have a mental illness. This is why Jane/John Doe is such a rare kind of killer.

As of December 14, 2014, this story has become a work-in-progress.

Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and artistic expression. Furthermore, the author does not endorse anything that he has written in this story as being true and real.

Originally written on August 25, 2013 at 8:24 AM

20141213

The Biggest Whining on my Blog (humor)

I was bummed out cos last week I couldn't visit my friend due to bills. :"(

So if I only partially pay my bills with the next paycheck I'll go Friday...

Christmas makes it worse cos the malls are full of people spending more than what I earn each pay period.

Fuck rich people.
Fuck Burnaby.
You snobby people don't deserve any politeness from me.

Sorry, I love my job but when the average Burnaby person speaks English as second language or is monolingual, makes it hard to say hello, how ya doing?

I should just say "dong ma hei low." Not likely, since that is rude.

OK, I'm done with whining.

posted from Bloggeroid

20141212

Like a Virgin (satire)



One popular white lie is to say you're still a virgin. Originally, the word "virgin" meant only "unmarried".

Today, its meaning refers to a person who is innocent of carnal knowledge, both of the heart and in the flesh. However, the original meaning still applies to all unmarried single people, as born-again virgins.

Yet the ideal of the virgin is to remain pure and innocent of carnal desire and all temptations of the flesh by dedicating yourself to a worthy cause, be it a religious theology or a political ideology or even a humanist philosophy.

This virginal ideal shall be accomplished by being of service to the cause of your choice, provided you remain free of desire and temptation, all for the common good of society.

By maintaining a chaste mindset, the dedicated virgin is able to sublimate desire into service for her chosen cause.

Since such a path is only an ideal, few of us are able to remain a virgin unless we are free of desire in the midst of the temptations of the modern world, be it television and other forms of technology.

Though a lesser man might succumb to carnal desires in the midst of temptation, the superior man has made the worthy cause noble.

Yet dedication to the noble cause requires the strength of will to purify the mind until it becomes virginal, and thus free of desire.

Desire thus is sublimated into unconditional love for humanity.

This may be sought through meditation and prayer, be it through yoga and/or other spiritual means. However, such dedication also requires each of us to reduce the use of alcohol, cigarettes, illegal drugs, and even meat, depending on the circumstances.

For the purpose of reducing consumption is to dedicate ourselves to the goal of the pure mind and the pure heart that remains free of desire.

Ultimately a person by sheer will and determination will become like a virgin, free of desire to consume and ready to act for the greater good.

Thus the ideal of the virgin is to free yourself from crass materialism, and consciously choose to be of service to the greater good in society.

Such service can be found through work, volunteerism and similar social activities.

Yet only a few people are dedicated to a noble cause.

Whatever path is chosen, the noble cause is each person's choice and requires a simple code of conduct: acceptance that whatever is asked of you, you do it as long as it harms no one.

Thus the ideal of the virgin is the path of innocence, free of the world yet being in service to the greater good of society.

Free of clinging to the world yet ready toserve for the good of us all, those of us dedicated to the noble cause shall realize that the white lie -"still a virgin" - is the metaphor for feeling like a virgin, untouched by desire and free of temptation.

20141124

When Social Drinking Becomes A Sociopathy (satire)

Rather than a short disclaimer, this article is a satire on the dangers of the risky behavior in drinking known as preloading when social drinkers are determined to party by drinking before a public event due to high alcohol prices at the even and/or strict liquor laws. After my monologue on preloading, I will rant about social drinkers who become problem drinkers, which is when social drinking becomes a sociopathy. Finally, I will give my take about American Psychopath and the rebooted Halloween movies to explain my conclusions about problem drinking.

Before I move onto the body of the rant itself, my exposure to alcohol and drugs needs to be shared because I truly care for the social drinker.

During my life, I have mostly been a light drinker thanks to intolerance of alcohol due to my Asian physiology when one or two drinks often made me drunk. As well, I practiced safe drinking because I was never exposed to peer pressure over social drinking.

Apart from the rare forays into drinking until my early 30s, my drinking days only occurred around social events. 2007 was a great challenge because of reconnecting with a friend I had met 10 years earlier who is a moderate drinker.

Today, I don't drink alcohol and am totally dry since June 2014 mainly because I believe in sobriety and have continued prayer and meditation to distract me from seeking comfort in the bottle.

Because I had a brief history of binge drinking and other risky behavior until I stopped drinking in 2009, I retain the privilege of experience to be the party pooper in regards to drinking. However, the following rant is because I am stone cold sober.

Addictive behaviors occur long before children are introduced to alcohol and drugs around middle school (grades 5-7). Peer pressure only causes addictions when children want to fit in and socialize.

So I am glad that I chose to not drink until well into my 30s. YMMV.

Tolerance to alcohol occurs when a person who drinks needs more alcohol during regular drinking hours in addition to the copious amounts of drink at home. However, the myth that drinking is fun is encouraged by the fact that you only live once, an attitude that will be addressed later on in this rant.

According to the anti-drinking propaganda, it is said that risky drinking threatens people who once lived productive lives.

In aother myth, public health (doctors, nurses, hospitals) is anti-drinking. Actually public health recommends 1-2 drinks a day as being safer than drinking up to 14 drinks or more over a 60-hour period on the weekend, depending on whether everyone is in party mood, due to a public holiday or other event.

Perhaps it is more fun and entertaining to drink 1-2 drinks with each meal from breakfast, lunch and dinner, as long as the intended purpose is social drinking, be it at home or every day. For the purpose of social drinking is to be of good cheer, apparently.

As has been stated before, preloading behavior occurs when prices are high and laws are strict.

According to health officials, alcohol preloading is harmful, only if the drinker drinks more alcohol later on in the evening. Thus, the risk of excessive drinking is higher than not preloading. The resulting higher consumption levels increase risk for injuries and possibly death.

Strict alcohol laws increase the chance of preloading. Additionally, licensed establishments have a high risk of liability serving already inebriated patrons.

Thus, lowering alcohol prices tends to lower risk of preloading.

Therefore, liquor laws need to be moderated. Liquor prices need to be low enough to encourage less preloading but not so low as to encourage binge drinking. Additionally, both binge drinking and preloading need to be addressed through the use of propaganda advertisements.

It is less risky and cheaper to drink 1-2 drinks at bars, pubs and restaurants with affordable prices every day of the week than to preload on the weekend and risk higher levels of consumption.

From the viewpoint of the consumer, public education from middle school to college level should still discourage preloading and risk factors that may be encouraged by the "you only live once" myth (YOLO).

You do live once, but it is a factor that is disproved by preloading due to strict liquor laws and high alcohol prices.

Contrary to the myth that preloading is safe, more people risk dying from alcohol-related injuries including poisoning, fights at establishments and car accidents.

From the viewpoint of sobriety, preloading might indicate future risk for alcoholism when drinking also occurs during the rest of the week. However, I believe social drinkers are potential alcoholics when inebriated if they are led to the belief that drinking is so fun that every day must be a party in order for them to feel in control. After that suspension of disbelief, they may turn every evening into a party and the line blurs between social drinking and alcoholism.

However, the alcoholic will deny he is an alcoholic because of two pernicious attitudes about drinking: "everyone is doing it" and YOLO. However, a minority of people drink that much or more, while the majority of people may be their concered friends and family who are saddened by the fact that drink became more important than them.

I know of people who met in bars, had a few drinks, and flew in for a Vegas wedding, including Britney Spears who had hooked up with a high school friend, partied, got married and subsequently got the marriage annulled. Fortunately her Vegas wedding was not a career-breaker.

Despite all the late night talk show hosts joking about Spears at that time, the risk of ruined ratings reduced their call for less drinking. That's because the entertainment industry needs the extra revenue from alcohol sales and often considers safe drinking behavior to be an economic threat to their industry.

Yet safe drinking behavior is actually no threat to their industry because more social drinkers can spend each day drinking up to 6 drinks a day with meals per person and not lose sleep over preloading and binge drinking on weekends.

Also the purpose of buying liquor - preferably beer - at night is not to drink it all away before morning but to have enough alcohol to stay within the 6 drinks a day limit. Public drinking education should consist of math quizzes to meet that limit and stay within it, in order to maintain a healthy social drinking climate.

Indeed, the sly promotion of "drinking is fun" by a bar or club is done to obtain high drink sales to derive enough alcoholic revenue to offset the hourly minimum wage. Beer bongs, drinking shooters off hot models, and associated antics are actually done to encourage social drinking at levels which not too many social drinkers can sustain. Nor does ladies' night with half price on shooters promote safe drinking.

All this does is lead to a 1-5 percent of a party of revelers to encounter blackouts and all the mayhem that happens during blackouts, especially the ones that last a month, a year, or maybe even a decade or two.

Right now, I have to discuss sociopaths who drink, because they are the people who have lied to themselves so much that drinking is fun. One successful sociopath too many has said, "I like to have vodka in my cereal every morning." They thus center their lives around being the pernicious party animal.

Although the public health officials have labeled them "problem drinkers," their problem is the ability to believe the lies that they tell other people about their drinking. Since their world revolves around drinking and socializing, they are able to socially engineer a way to stay drunk throughout their lives and often turn binge drinking and preloading into performance art.

Along the way, alcoholic sociopaths give a bad rap to successful sociopaths like celebrities, business people and even Randolph Hearst, a publisher who made his money from alcohol advertisers before Prohibition but also made money by being a moral compass when Mae West came to New York City. Yet Mae West helped Hollywood make money by challenging the moral taboos about being a sexy and successful sociopath for the entertainment industry.

A marvelous Hollywood celebrity who was quite successful during her career is Tallulah Bankhead, who not only drank her way around Hollywood but also snorted her way around the secret party scenes, too. Being a relatively successful sociopath, she also slept her way from casting couch to the beds of other celebrities, men and women alike. Once she had to get a hysterectomy after a bad case of gonorrhea, and said in passing to the hospital surgeon "If you think this is going to stop my behavior, think again."

Thus, society must be ever vigilant about sociopaths who shall be detected during their first forays into social drinking before their white lies lead to the bigger whoppers they tell themselves once they totally buy into the YOLO attitude and make it their motto for life. For alcohol and sociopaths are a dangerous mix that may lead to risk of violence to themselves and their loved ones.

Anyway, I am all done with ranting and would like to thank Hollywood for popularizing social drinking (Jackass), cocaine (Traffik), risky behavior (American Pie), decadent hedonism (those crazy movies from the 30s involving dancing the shimmie while dressed in sheer fabric), and a sociopathy that fails so horribly that sexual psychopathy becomes confused with benign sociopathic behavior by the sociopath's victims (American Psychopath).

If it wasn't for Hollywood, then we wouldn't have all the failed sociopaths who crossed the line into their five minutes of fame. If it wasn't for the brilliance of American mainstream media to enshrine individualism as freedom from neo-conservative sheep mentality, then there wouldn't be the Craigslist killer meme.

In conclusion, I would like to insert a sober moment here to end this rant by stating that the sociopath is not a broken individual as a child. Rather, she is not a victim of child abuse, neglect or anything that horrible.

Rather, a sociopath learns early that society is based on white lies which help us to sleep at nights. When a child is fibbing, it is child abuse to force them to stop lying when few parents can stomach telling their children the truth too early but sometimes failing to figure out the truth about their society.

For a sociopath learns early in childhood that toeing the line comes with benefits and risks, including telling a white lie to ensure family harmony. What a brilliant career in big business awaits them, if only parents were taught from middle school about ethic and morals in a manner than benefits every child.

Indeed, when drinking becomes a sociopathy in middle school, parents should admit to the double standard and determine if they are narcissists, empaths or sociopaths instead of lying about these descriptions for what passes as normal human behavior.

Even so, "normal" is the biggest white lie to promote social harmony while leading to the stigma of the mentally ill without just cause. As is "denial" a white lie when declaring that a psychopath is sane.

Personality disorders are not a sign of insanity unless a person described as sociopathic are mistreated by former friends who can only see through the lies of the sociopath but have little insight into the white lies that lead to real whoppers like "the mentally ill are not really normal people".

Truth be told: Hollywood manufactured the propaganda that psychopaths are horrible people but the reboot of Halloween turn the story of a failed sociopath Michael Myers, who was neglected as a child but was molded by unprofessional therapy by Doctor Samuel Loomis and the incompetence of the State into a serial killer, the criminal psychopath.

However, American Psychopath is not an honest portrayal of sexual psychopathy because it leaves out the antihero's childhood. On the other hand the rebooted Halloween movies is only a portrayal of two kinds of sociopaths, the failed sociopath known as the criminal psychopath and serial killer Michael Myers and the successful sociopath, Dr Samuel Loomis.

Hollywood tells us white lies about sociopaths like Myers while showing Doctor Loomis as a successful sociopath. It also only documents the sexual psychopathy of the antihero in American Psychopath in adulthood, but offers no insight on the fact that he is a failed sociopath whose social drinking helped him to fit into urban society.

Those people who fail as sociopaths sometimes develop a psychopathy if they maladapt to the stress that society places on them. Otherwise, they would be make fine successful sociopaths such as many CEOs, world leaders, and celebrities whose normative behavior endear them to their fans.

Perhaps society is just as subtly as sociopathic as it is empathetic, narcissistic, for it encourages us to be normal in our lives, which might be described as one big snafu where the situation is normal but all fouled up.

On a positive note, 95 percent of people are not sociopaths. Most of them do not drink and few of them turn to drugs. Society is not inherently sociopathic. Rather, it might be that the empathetic and the narcissists in all of us realize how to be successful without harming other people.

YMMV

Originally posted on Oct 13, 2014 at 5:55 PM

American Psychopath: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Psycho_%28film%29
Halloween: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halloween_(2007_film)

The Satanic Movie Dream (satire)

Last Sunday morning I experienced what I first considered to be a nightmare. On close examination by a religiously conservative audience, it might be considered an attack by the devil.

In the major part of the dream, I was given the ability to morph into a troll with a magic club due to a deal made with the devil, in exchange for my soul, instead of fame and fortune as most mortals are apt to do.

While in troll mode, I would cause mayhem but was never caught because of the magical powers of the club. Victims felled by it were not able to describe my troll-like features because of a spell placed on them.

Were they to describe the troll, the police might probably ignore them, since no human being looks like a troll. Thus, the club helped prevent identification and prevented embarrassment to the victims.

Soon I often morphed into troll form to the point where I replaced an extra in a science fiction film. Because I was a troll, I was supposed to have a speaking part in the production of this particular episode.

However, when the actor asked the question, "What is a shillelagh?", I explained without thinking, that my club is such a device, which renders mortals with amnesia to prevent embarrassment when explaining their injuries.

Naturally I was fired, because the actors then had to ad-lib the appropriate reaction rather than do a retake of that scene, since the movie was going over budget.

Later on in this dream, I also experienced the devil who had come to take my soul to Hell. As soon as he touched me and freed my soul from my body, I awoke with a start and muttered a curse under my breath.

Of course, I was no ordinary troll but an Irish troll known as leprechauns. My apologies to keepers of Irish mythology and traditions!

Apparently in this dream, I had sold my soul to the devil to have the power to change into a leprechaun at will and then sought fame and fortune.

After reflecting on this dream, it may have been due to the 5HTP health supplement that I had been taking during this time. When the 5HTP dose is converted to serotonin in the brain, the result will REM suppression and REM "rebound" just before awakening with a clear memory of the resulting dream.

Since my supply of 5HTP ran out, I have forgotten most of my dreams by the time I awaken from sleep almost every night.

Originally posted on Oct 23, 2014 at 1:04 AM

Reference:

What are the effects of 5HTP on dreams: http://dreamstudies.org/2010/04/19/what-are-the-effects-of-5-htp-on-dreams/