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Amae: Is it truly loving?

Students of Japan have commonly accepted the claim that Amae (indulgent dependency) is distinctive to the production and reproduction of Japanese culture. The assumption is that all Japanese social bonding is patterned after the primary mother-child experience. The results of affect-control simulations suggest a complex scenario in which young American boys are trained to be independent, but young American girls are encouraged to display dependence. American mothers who attempt to confirm their identities through optimal behaviors with children who act outside of the normal child's role create little boys who rebel and little girls who are docile if they follow the Japanese rules of behaving. An American mother best confirms her identity as a mother by coaching her child — an act that implies independence training. A Japanese mother is expected to carry or hug her child as connotated (suggested) by the dependence inherent in amae. The Japanese simulation mimics the overprotective and overindulgent attitudes of Japanese mothers. The Japanese mother who supervises or monitors her child is rewarded with uniquely identity confirming responses like clinging and serving behaviors from the child not predicted for mothers and children in the United States.

By carrying and hugging a child, the mother will inculcate dependence in that child.

Through such loving action, the child experiences protection from its mother. By indulging the child, the mother will be rewarded with willing servitude by her child.

In supervising and monitoring her child, the mother will have her identity intimately confirmed by such behavior.

Thus is a loving bond between mother and child be forged, much stronger than Western ideals can afford.

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