This rationalization about being deliberately a person who works part-time is a raison d'être, which consists of the right to exist as a person who works at a job that is beneath him.
For a Japanese person, being a security guard does not have the prestige of being a policeman or a soldier. Though, becoming a pharmacist or a doctor has higher prestige than police and soldier.
IMHO wealth represents power, and as Lord Compton wrote, "absolute power corrupts absolutely". To me, this implies that wealth may lead to unwholesome acts, both in acquiring wealth and spending money.
I'll leave it up to the gentle reader to imagine what kind of unwholesome acts profits a person financially, and will not amplify the kind of acts purchased which may be considered unwholesome.
My reasoning for being coy is not done out of privacy, being the closet exhibitionist that I am in my blogging; rather, it is done to respect the intellect of my readers.
For it is not my place to redefine the English language by giving a graphic example of the kinds of unwholesome acts which leads to accumulation of wealth, nor is it my place to describe in detail what kind of unwholesome acts may be bought with money.
Having said this, I confirm the reason why I hate to be financially successful as being related to a certain unwholesome act which money buys.
By not being able financial to commit that act, I thus retain the bright and pure life I now live - a life of poverty, unashamed of stigma due to a lifelong disability caused by neglect and trauma.
I do not write of this to elicit sympathy from anyone, for my writing has been first a form of catharsis and a crude form of self-therapy, due to the escape which intellectualization provides for me.
Now having show the rawness of my inner self, I hope to withstand the fear of exposing private self to the world, which only the length of time this blog entry remains for complete strangers to read shall suffice as proof that that fear has been conquered.
If the reader finds these words to less than terse in explaining my wish not to be successful financianlly, then I have expressed myself without clarity.
Otherwise, I offer this blog entry as a sincere expression of my reason for being poor by conscious choice. It is up to the reader to decide how sincere these words are, after all.
YMMV ;)
1 comment:
My disability is originally of three parts:
mentally: depression i.e. delayed adolescent depressive position, which is untreatable by medication, but may be less of a burden when self-expression is given full reign, complicated by anoxia at age 6 months, many head injuries, and development of borderline personality disorder without strong expression of self-harm;
physically: hypospadia and right arm without full articulation
There is also history of mental abuse throughout childhood, indirectly instigated by paternal grandmother.
It is through exercise of my intellect, mind control, and strong sense of sarcasm that I have not descended into madness.
To me, mind control means meditation.
Anything called mind control not exercised by the individual is a mutual consensus of deception, for a person may be "brainwashed" only when he chooses to be.
I choose to control my mind on my own, for it is unhelpful to choose to let someone else control me.
Overall, my choice to be of the lower middle class is mine alone to make, just as it is to be financially successful.
However, it is more spiritually fulfilling to be subject by my own hand to want.
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