Let's get together...

you don't like a guy who dominates
i don't believe in karma, kismet or even fate.
all i want is a girl who talks like me
all i need is a girl who thinks like me
all i need is a girl who walks to me
who validates
and understands
and won't give into demands
this world offers her.
so don't be late
let's get together...

The Three Factors of Adolescence

The following are notes made on Brent Cameron's interview with Joseph Chilton Pearce in March 2005 issue of Common Ground.

The adolescent's rapid physical development of the human brain itself occurs predominately in the pre-frontal lobes.

Along with the brain's growth spurt, which ends around age 21, comes the potential for:

1. A high sense of idealism
   
   • present models of idealism
     
   • occurs as early as ages 11-12
2. A sense of hidden greatness
   
   • the conviction that deep within the heart-mind is a core of self that is very great and that if people just realized how great they are, they would respect them.
3. The sense of great expectation
   
   • something tremendous is supposed to happen around the next corner or the next hill moment by moment
     
   • this is a heart-felt sense which will lead to their next stage of evolutionary development.

Commentary The interview makes the conjecture that public education tries to grow minds for university, not for human transcendence.

In doing so, the State might be sowing the seeds of discontent in its citizens.

For this is done for money, and not always for the benefit of the children.

Lust breaks your heart, while unconditional love heals it again and again

A few people think they are seeking love "out there".

Thinking themselves "in love", they can run all over town looking for love, only to find it right here (points to heart).

This is what it means by "only love can break your heart."

Yet only unconditional love can put it back together again.

When unconditional love grasps onto your heart, it will be there through thick or thin, weathering both heartbreak and joy.

Thus the journey called Life is made more wonderful when having learned how to love, we are grasped by unconditional love, only to mend our heart, again and again.

Carpe Diem / Seize the Day (poem)

yeah it really wasn't my business at all,
but i felt that something had to be said
because the myth about sanity needed questioning.

we love to believe these lies we tell ourselves,
pretending that "crazy people", "nutbars" and "psychos"
really exist, that we're normal and they're not.

if the label fits, then we slap it on with gusto,
temporarily forgetting the times that we've been there.
so we don't really seize the day, we seize the moment.

though you wish to believe it to be true,
no one is really crazy - that's just society
afraid of the "other", fearful of its own truth.

I seized this day, to make a point,
and learned how wonderful life is --
and how beautiful it is to be imperfect.

how wonderful it is to live life vigorously!
how beautiful the persistence of willfulness!
nothing truly is fragile save our castles in the sand.

to see love as feeling or to be in love,
neither is how love truly is:
action both beautiful and ugly.

for love in action is like crying aloud
while seeking your beloved,
"carpe diem! life is awesome!"

so thanks for the drama, my friends!
thanks to my enemies, both cultivated and formerly...
you made my day! carpe diem! carpe diem!

shameless and liberation (poem)

When the mood seized me
I excused my indiscretions
without guilt or shame
as generosity --
Who am I kidding but me?

No shame, yet guilty of acts
exposed to the world,
this shameless fool lost his roots.
What right does he have
to tell others how to live?

My decision is
mine, and mine alone - Forget
all regret and grieve
the loss of integrity.
You are not alone; you are free!

How free are the passions, dear
to their slaves tonight!
Look at them squirm, suffering
needlessly, the truth
ignored, their desires hot.

Am I free to live?
Do I live to be free of
all my desires?
No, though I err as human,
this divine spark forgives me.

In all sense of forgiveness
from passions am I
freed, calmly detached, unbound --
Rising above shame,
liberation seizes me!

Freed by the mere thought of a brief revenge fantasy

When faced with the reality
of the moment, we simply detach ourselves
from it to truly enjoy ourselves as is,
all thought of revenge
purged in a split second of fantasy.

Then it fades.

Satiated, freedom suddenly grasps us,
never to let go.

Unconditional love: the active love

Unconditional love is proactive.

Thus love is in chains when we place conditions on our love for another, thinking that would bring the two of us closer in love.

To think love is a feeling, an affection, a mood, an emotion... how fragile those naive, sentimental thoughts are about love!

For unconditional love is the theme of the journey of life.

It is more than just a feeling, for love affects all of us.

When we realize that it is more than just a mood -- greater than an emotion such as anger and more powerful than anything on earth -- Love shall conquer all.

Thus I declare the following to be love in action, unconditional and complete:

Carpe diem! Be seized by love, not conditions.

Vous-meme vous trouvez (find your true self)

elle - pourquoi seulement elle, je me demande?
toi - votre beauté intérieure, l'enfant intérieur.
vous - le sauvage intérieur appelé
perdu à la passion,
là où vous errez,
perdu, seulement...

she - why only she, you ask of me?
you - your inner beauty, the inner child.
you all - the inner wild
lost in passion
where you wander,
only lost...

ceux-ci stilted le belittle d'expressions la vérité,
et raillez cette langue de l'amour.

mais... mais pourtant...

je - seulement ami, votre believer vrai..
moi - mais pas encore fidèle à vous.
nous - à un niveau plus élevé de l'amour,
avec amour sans conditions.

homme non mortel d'un dieu d'amour!
veuillez trouver rapidement, ma cherie!
soyez à un avec L'aime!
alors vous-même vous trouvez!

translation:

she - why only she, you ask of me?
you - your inner beauty, the inner child.
you all - the inner wild
lost in passion
where you wander,
only lost

those stilted expressions belittle the truth,
and scoff at this language of love.

and yet...
but yet...

I - only a friend, your true believer.
me - but not yet faithful to you.
us - on a higher level of love, with love without conditions.

man is not an immortal god of love!
please quickly know this, my dear!
be at one with Love!
then yourself you shall find!

Urban rabbit

At work there was this wild rabbit looking for weeds to nibble on, right in the middle of a deconstruction zone.

Thus rabbits are also trying to adapt to city life, just like coyotes.

Familial nickname uncovered and exposed

My nickname by my father was "Cheeb" (Chib) as in cheebee (chibi), which is a nonsense word of affection for a waif or small child in my mother tongue.

He helped me learn helplessness through carefully craftful comedy routines.

The effective one consisted of the following;

We're in tub together, a traditional Japanese evening of father-son bonding.

father: "Hey, straighten out your arm."
me: (straightens left arm, right arm goes out to its limits extent) "I am!"
father: {straightens his arms) No, like this, Chib!
me: (frustrated) I am....

To this day I have an unconscious distrust of males in authority, especially ones that mock me.

The Women Scorned

I loathe the actions of men who cannot figure out that sometimes a woman will invent her own culture.

It consists of finding a suitable mate based on ideals gleaned from Western culture (the strong one with a good job) and pretend that she's seducing them when in actual fact, sir, you forgot to tell her you're into casual relationships.

At which point you get confused when she lays claim on you, which is also a part of her interpretation of her culture.

This is Canada you know. Women are liberated and can lay claim to you. It's Her tradition. Yours is just the usual whimpy misogynist nonsense. She will dominate you.

And yet you will continue with your insults online and use it to piss her off, just because you're afraid of commitment. You're strong, you're successful. Submit to her desires or face her undying love.

Why I started my herbal meds

having now heard someone in the midst of her manic phase, i have to resist blaming myself.

what really saddens me is how delusive the "rescue" scenario hinted at so discreetly by this person.

however, Section 22 of the BC Mental Health Act prohibits me from entering into such an agreement with any person admitted to a care facility.

so, to get over the stress and insomnia arising from this, i've been self medicating with 5-HTP, hypericum and valerian within the dosage limits.

herbal meds i am on

5-HTP, valerian, hypericum, and ginkgo biloba with phosphidylcholine

The 5-HTP helps supply serotonin, and regulate dopamine and noradrenaline levels. It helps keep me mellow and calm.

The hypericum relieves anxiety.

Valerian acts as a sleeping aid with an extra dose of 5-HTP at bedtime.

And ginkgo biloba keeps my hippocampus toned, so my short-term memory isn't impaired by stress, or lack of sleep.

i take 3 5-HTP capsules at meals, plus an extra 50 mg dose for a total of 200 mg a day.

i only took 3 hypericum a day, which meets the 900 mg total @ 0.3% - 2.7 mg a day. Though I'd been happy most of the time, I've recently come under stress due to the complications of insomnia.

3 capsules of Ginkgo is taken for a total of 300 mg. I am not sure if this medication really is working, but have noticed that I complete all my assignments quicker at employability training school.

I made the mistake of taking a valerian tablet during lunch, which led to almost nodding off in class a couple times.

Right now I feel sleepy since taking a valerian and hypericum capsule 30 minutes ago.

When the lover comes...

Rumi says: “We race hotly after the lover, but when the lover comes, we are absent. You are like a shadow in love with the sun. When the intensity of light appears, you vanish.”

Alas, Rumi, my friend, you are correct!
I tried to meet my dearest friend
with a caring and unabiding heart,
but found her ‘like a shadow in love with the sun.’
Rather than face my fatherly gaze
my friend sought the safety of nursemaids.
My only hope is that she will not vanish!

i miss you, dear friend

Sadly my heart is
temporarily hurting -
I miss you, my friend.
My devotion for you grows...
Please, friend, be strong for yourself!

My Friend's Sorrow

She spoke to me of being torn
to pieces when new life was
taken from her, all due to
not being ready to raise
the family her heart desires.

Rumi speaks of her sorrow saying:
“Speak to us of the soul that is torn to pieces,
Tell us of the amorous glance
That brands the heart anew.”

When I came to visit her
she was taken to the refuge
she had rejected months ago,
the hospital, safe haven
for the injured, be it
of body or of mind.

Again, the Pir Rumi says:
“I gave my heart freely,
Why do you run from me still?”

Now do I know as deeply
as each heart-felt sigh
that she does not fear me,
while Rumi asks, as I ask of myself:

“Why pour more sorrow on the hearts
Of the sorrowful?”

Forever yours, my love!

though others may think
we're both mad, and crazy,
I am always yours forever.

yet our love purges all madness,
leaving us crazy on each other.
and breathless in our company,
you and i bask in sanity's glow.

i care only for you,
not for the ridicule of
they who taunt us.
I am forever yours, my love!

forever yours, I'm humbled by love.

my name is Steve and...

i've been an computer addict since 1986, and an internet addict since 1993.

the only consolation is that fixing computer software issues is like second nature to me, just like picking up a guitar and playing it without looking at chords anymore. i miss playing guitar.

but fixing computers is also therapy, and the internet a useful tool for fixing computer problems.

Affirmation: Wake up and channel your inner child!

Wake up and live like every day is your first day. Channel your inner child, not your inner wild!


Too often we hear the adage, "Live every day like it's your last day!"

So what if we woke up and liked each day anew, just like the first one when we were born.

As adults, we can control ourselves with the greatest of ease at times.

"Inner wild" refers to the neurotic and melancholic doldrums of the heart, where the primitive parts of my brain may cry out in pain and despair.

Ahhhhh but it's great to my hair down once in a while and channel my inner child creatively!

All was One...

All was One...

"...She's got the whole world in her womb." -- ancient sacred hymn.
"...He's got the whole world in his hands." - Christian hymn

And the whole world which was once the sacred womb of nature thus became to be in the hands of former murderers and thieves, their hands dripping with the blood of martyred pagans.

Centuries passed, and the Dark Ages fell away, with Saracen Muslims bringing enlightenment to Europe.

They were not impressed.

Whenever the meek arose, first Christians and then Ottomans grew afraid of them. Some people fled rather than face Inquisitors or Jainissaries, anti-heretics and Christian mercenaries alike.

Then when the last cry of "Witch!" faded in the 1800s, a new wave of spirituality arose.

Many wars later, this wave fell upon the eve of the 21st Century.

"We're no different from the plants, we're no better. We're all part of the whole, and everything--a grain of sand, dirt, the birds and the animals--they are all part of us." -- Rolling Thunder

Hearing this, the whole world was grounded, and returned to the sacred womb, complete.

And Love was heard singing of the time before time was born.

When All was One...