Caffeine Sensitivity

During the past four weeks, I've notice a consistent pattern in my behavior which causes me embarrassment and regret.

I'm sure that caffeine sensitivity is at the root of it.

I have a history of insomnia along with mild traumatic brain injury since early childhood.

With insomnia comes anxiety and hypomania.

Caffeine worsens the hypomania, because it lowers my ability to control impulsiveness.

When I am in a hypomanic state of mind, the Internet only leads me to writing about wishes about sensual desire that I would never follow through on because it is out of character with my true nature.

Indeed, sensual desire is a needless distraction from actualizing the true nature of a human being, which is to practice unselfish concern for the welfare of others.

This includes being of service to others, and being ready to help others in need without thought of self. At the root of sensual desires is craving, which arises as a fruit of mental unrest (anxiety).

The common denominator is caffeine and insomnia.

Solution:

1. Meditation
   
2. Switch to bottled water.
   
3. Go to bed before midnight.
   

AA Journal Entry: January 11-25, 2011 - Two weeks of Confession and Spiritual Healing

Tuesday, 11 January 2011, 10:20 AM

IMHO, at the root of all my issues is the social conditioning known as never say "No" to others in need.

Yet, to avoid saying "No", often I will stay at home.

Actually, after careful reflection, the reason why I stay home as a recluse has to do with a blatantly honest picture of myself as physically imperfect.

In contrast to this self-perception, I have concluded that a pure heart-mind implies a perfect soul, the concept of which was gifted to me at age 16.

So I had worked at perfecting my mind from an early age, despite the errors which crept up into my life due to shaming.

Age 1, I was hit in the head by my brother with a hoe. My crime was not yielding his fair share of the sandbox on my family's property.

Age 2 or 3, pressured into lighting a match by my brother, I nearly burned the barn down. Both my brother and I suffered for this.

Yet I was innocent then.

Because of those errors' effect, I acted out. Perhaps it was out of a sense of shame that my youth was a descent into madness.

If I defied my mother, then she punished me. I was constantly blamed for anything wrong that happened at home.

Then there were incidents outside of the home which eventually helped me to learn that my acting out would lead to harmful repercussions.

If it weren't for learning to read and write in public school, and for computers later in life, then I might have been in a sorry state.

Today I have learned the wisdom of non-action clearly. While thoughts may come and go, this body remains, another day older and deeply indebted to the mercy that God has shown me through His creation.

Even though each person is equally capable of great good or great evil, I view my currently life as balancing out the innocent evil done as a child.

Tuesday, 11 January 2011, 10:50 AM

Dear Lord, help me to see my life with the innocent eyes of a man redeemed by God's gift of salvation. I knew that You walked by my side as a child to help me realize today that my life before majority was innocent of guile.

Sunday, 16 January 2011, 2:49 PM

Since God has been with me since the day I was born, then my soul has been with me since then.

Soul is an abstract thing which I should take care not to reify unnecessarily, lest my understanding of it be muddied, rendering a fallacy of which I'll now explain.

The fallacy is that the soul is an object which is precious due to the process of reification, which means to make it a personal object which is more valuable than my life and the world around me.

Reification is also called hypostatization.

Tuesday, 25 January 2011, 4:43 PM

Life moves in mysterious ways, for which only God knows the reasons.

The Solution to Ego Addiction

Dialectic Behavior Therapy requires a trusted facilitator with a psychotherapy background to help the client realize that the root of his problems is ego addiction.

A brief definition of ego addiction is the unhealthy exercise of a person's ego which results in negative feelings of abandonment, grief, guilt, psychic pain, and remorse out of proportion with any given situation.

Furthermore, ego addiction may be harder to recover from, because the afflicted have only a vague concept of ego and how it arises; yet they cling to it strongly.

Easterners have a stronger concept of ego and its originations. This is why they reject psychiatry and the DSM. It also explains their belief in karma.

In the East, it isn't the ego that leads to mental illness.

Rather, it is clinging to the idea that the ego is a permanent entity to the point where one fears nonexistence, and strongly believes the self-as-neutral-observer to be a permanent soul.

For certain Easterners who have carefully studied esoteric Buddhism, the five senses and their organs are the five consciousnesses, the mind is the sixth, and the ego and that "soul" are the seventh and eighth consciousnesses.

For advanced meditators, relief from mental unrest is found by visualizing oneself as the deity (usually Amitabha Buddha) and where one is meditating as the mandala palace (the Pure Land). In Vajrayana Buddhism, it may be White Tara and her Pure Land.

Amida Buddha and his Pure Land of Bliss is actually the symbol for peace of mind.

Thus the solution to the mental unrest caused by ego addiction begins by first stilling the mind through meditation in a social setting conducive to it.

Then, as a result of dialog and practice with a trusted master (therapist), the practitioner behaves in a peaceful and non-violent manner.

Meditation on Buddha Nature

Buddha Nature is self nature.
Self nature is one's original nature.
One's original nature is one's true nature.
One's true nature is the Pure Mind.
The Pure Mind is the Pure Heart.
The Pure Heart is selflessness.
Selflessness is non-self.
Non-self is other nature.
Other nature is Buddha Nature.

---

Commentary:
Buddha Nature is self nature because it is an intrinsic part of the mind.

Self nature is one's original nature due to Buddha Nature.

One's original nature is one's true nature found through meditation and mindful practice.

One's true nature is the Pure Mind attained through meditation.

The Pure Mind is the Pure Heart attained through mindful practice.

The Pure Heart is selflessness, achieved through being helpful and of service to others without thought for fame or gain.

Selflessness is non-self in action by being helpful to other.

Non-self is other nature because service to others promotes their happiness and well-being.

Thus is other nature is Buddha Nature.

Is Buddha Nature the soul? No, for its original nature is non-self, discovered through the oneness of self and other. Though neither self nor other exist for eternity, Buddha Nature exists in the mind of every sentient being. Once actualized through meditation and mindful practice, Buddha Nature helps each of us to experience and show compassion for others.

How is self nature other nature? When self and other work together as one, all thought of "I, me, and mine" fade away. In unity, we work together to help each other. Thus is self nature other nature.

Nembutsu Meditations (poem)

Within my room, friendliness
towards my true self
results in serenity
of the heart-mind - Oh!
How precious is solitude!

Quiet and serene in the home,
happiness comes near
to celebrate the oneness
within the heart-mind,
a smile as its only trace.

Life is a celebration
precious and dear to all --
with yesterday's memories,
tomorrows awaits
as the Buddha calls us now.

No-thought, just breathing...
No-mind, no-self - only thanks
with sincerity.
Namu Amida Butsu!
Namu Amida Butsu!

Enlightenment and Oneness (poem)

Using the third nature -
the Non-self nature of
perfection -
to abandon reification
of self and other,
one becomes enlightened,
free from delusion
and liberated from
all concept of dualism.
Thus is the mind made pure:
free of mental unrest,
the ego dissolves,
leaving behind emptiness,
the root of Buddha Nature.
For self and Buddha are one,
both being empty of substance.
Abandoning all mental constructs,
the enlightened mind is just so.

Artistic Expression, Ego and Genius

Most artists appear to have somewhat dysfunctional lives.

However, this does not imply a dysfunctional ego.

What is dysfunctional is how they express their ego in life.

I don't believe in a dysfunctional ego; I believe that growing up a dysfunctional family merely leads to behavioral and mental negativities due to mental unrest it causes.

Those negativities occult (cover up) one's true self.

Art is thus the creative outlet for expression of genius

For I believe ego is related to the true self.

In essence, artistic expression is the ego cutting through dysfunction towards health.

Amida Buddha is Buddha Nature (poem)

Amida Buddha is True Self;
True Self, Buddha Nature;
Buddha Nature is
essentially Amida Buddha.
Yet he isn't a deva
but the symbol of serenity,
the peace of mind found
through mindful practice.

Advice to India

http://www.dlshq.org/download/brahmacharya.htm

"If our motherland wants to rise high in the scale of nations, her children, both male and female, should study the important subject of Brahmacharya in all its bearings, understand its supreme importance and observe the great Vrata strictly.

In conclusion, I fervently pray, with folded hands, that you all should sincerely struggle hard to control passion—the enemy of peace and prosperity—by Sadhana. A true Brahmachari is the real mighty emperor of this world. My silent adorations to all Brahmacharins! Glory unto them!

May you be seated firm as the Mahameru in your Satchidananda Svarupa without any impure, lustful thought! May God bless the aspirants with strength and energy for keeping up Brahmacharya! May you, with a pure, stainless mind, unintermittently be in the cognition of your Atmic Reality! May you, without worldly desires and ambition, rest in That which ever is in the midst of the enjoyer and the enjoyed!

May the divine splendour shine in your face! May the divine flame grow brighter in you all! May the divine power and peace abide in you for ever! Om Santi! Santi! Santi" -- SRI SWAMI SIVANANDA

My Friend

"No one is either enemy or friend; only ego is my enemy, and True Self my friend." — an ancient samurai Zen motto

In life, enemies and friends are merely externalization of the original battle between ego and True Self. True Self is the term used by Buddhists to refer to that part of nature which is Buddha-nature. Another term for it is original self i.e. the primordial self before the passions arise, corrupting True Self to the point of attachment.

If more information on this topic is desired, then consult your local Buddhist or Google the terms. I will not define any more terms in this article unless it is pertinent to the discussion.

The reason why ego is the enemy is to emphasize the inner battle. Ego is the result and cause of the arising of passions, which deceive the person by distracting him from the purpose of life, which is to become aware of one's spiritual destiny.

As for True Self being the friend, given that True Self is another name for Buddha-nature, in awakening to one's true nature one is freed of ego's hold over oneself. Thus freed, one is grateful to one's liberator, the Buddha. Thus is True Self one's friend, for it is original self, always embraced by Buddha. This is why it is called Buddha-nature.

I wish I could explain further these concepts, but the use of many words to describe the indescribable only confuses non-Buddhists.

An Ancient Unconditional Love (poem)

It has been said
that the Japanese are
descended of the gods;
this refers to kami,
the spiritual ancestors
of all Japanese.
In essense, it is but love unconditional.

Westerners know such love as "God".
In choosing my path,
love unconditional clothes me,
nourishes me, soothes me,
and brings peace to me.

Although it may appear
that my ego talking,
this is all due
to convention of language;
there is no sense of I,
me or mine involved.
There is only love unconditional.

Form is Emptiness; Emptiness form...

Form i.e. the brain and the body; sensation or feeling; perception or cognition; mental formations; and consciousness. These five aggregates compromise the Non-Self (anatta).

Thus they are not the True Self, Buddha Nature itself.

Yet each individual, being compromised of anatta, still contain Buddha Nature.

Is Buddha Nature, being the True Self, a soul? Not in any sense of being permanent, for even the True Self is transient.

For even though a "soul" may be reborn, it's not the same as the original soul aeons ago. For the same soul is not "born". Rather, one returns to the mind continuum and is "reborn" according to your karma.

For Mind has gained experiences from a lifetime of experiences, and these experiences may be considered in essence the journey from the causal act that leads to the karmic effect.

Thus the form is emptiness and emptiness form.

True Heart, True Mind (poem)

the true heart can taste
the difference between love and hate,
yet the boundless compassion
of the awakened
transcends this difference,
and the boundless wisdom
of the enlightened
sees love and hate for what they are:
manifestations of passion,
delusions rooted in desire.

the true mind knows all of this,
and thus so do I...
even so... but then...
and then again...
always do I return to thee,
smiling and laughing,
sharing the love that arises
from the innocence we create together.

Emptiness of mind

Actually, emptiness of mind is not even a state of mind, but the original essence of mind which Buddha and the Sixth Patriarch experienced. "Essence of mind," "original mind," "original face," "Buddha nature," "emptiness"--all these words mean the absolute calmness of our mind.

-Shunryu Suzuki, "Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind"

Commentary: Indeed, an empty mind is not filled with ego-delusion. To conquer ego-delusion, Suzuki urges the practitioner to "have a firm conviction in the original emptiness of your mind".

Empty mind is described as infinity, so that we "give up calculating" with our mind.

Interest in infinity helps us "to stop the thinking of your small mind".

Suzuki's "small mind" is his term for the ego-delusion which is part and parcel of samsara.

Thus samsara is the mundane world consisting of the cycle of birth, life and death. It is empowered by ego-delusion.

To escape samsara, one has to awaken to this and put out the flames of desire.

Daemons and Guardian Angels: A meditation

In this blog entry, I will be writing about abstract concepts regarding the true self of higher consciousness. For the purpose of this meditation, Daemon refers to the symbol of the Higher Consciousness. In it, I warn against egocentricity, which is the dark side of the Ego known as "madness of man-as-god" and "delusion of (being) deity." Finally, I conclude by offering the solution of Plato's advice.

In classical mythology, the Daemon is a person's true self as opposed to the mortal lower self, the Ego. Seen from the point of view of the lower self, the Daemon is the Guardian Angel, the deva of Indic mythos.

In fact, Daemons are the very essence of the Guardian Angel of whom Sylvia Browne speaks.

The true self is also known as a person's Higher Consciousness or as the soul.

Thus devil and daemon are the dark and light sides of the Ego and the true self, respectively.

The soul itself is purified by coming to know God, and in each successive life, purges itself of the Original Sin that begat each body into which it resides.

This Sin is the delusion of deity, to which the Genesis alludes. Thus the allegory of eating of the tree of knowledge of life and death is related to the ego and its descent into the madness of man-as-god, in rebellion to a deity who is apart from all creation.

How do we cut through the delusion of deity?

By following Plato's advice: know thyself.

To help me to know myself, I wrote the following poem:

Knowing thyself, transcend the ego.
Transcending the ego, know God.
Knowing God, become at one with Him.

---

Originally posted: July 4, 2005 at 1745H
Updated: February 10, 2013 at 1334H
Daemons in classic mythology: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daemon_%28classical_mythology%29

Vous-meme vous trouvez (find your true self)

elle - pourquoi seulement elle, je me demande?
toi - votre beauté intérieure, l'enfant intérieur.
vous - le sauvage intérieur appelé
perdu à la passion,
là où vous errez,
perdu, seulement...

she - why only she, you ask of me?
you - your inner beauty, the inner child.
you all - the inner wild
lost in passion
where you wander,
only lost...

ceux-ci stilted le belittle d'expressions la vérité,
et raillez cette langue de l'amour.

mais... mais pourtant...

je - seulement ami, votre believer vrai..
moi - mais pas encore fidèle à vous.
nous - à un niveau plus élevé de l'amour,
avec amour sans conditions.

homme non mortel d'un dieu d'amour!
veuillez trouver rapidement, ma cherie!
soyez à un avec L'aime!
alors vous-même vous trouvez!

translation:

she - why only she, you ask of me?
you - your inner beauty, the inner child.
you all - the inner wild
lost in passion
where you wander,
only lost

those stilted expressions belittle the truth,
and scoff at this language of love.

and yet...
but yet...

I - only a friend, your true believer.
me - but not yet faithful to you.
us - on a higher level of love, with love without conditions.

man is not an immortal god of love!
please quickly know this, my dear!
be at one with Love!
then yourself you shall find!