It is the cockiness of being hypomanic I loathe the most, because usually my self esteem is moderate, but when I am full of energy but pleasantly tired due to insomnia, my sex drive goes out of control.
This lust sees me on naughty sites I never go on when well rested. However, it is doubtful that I am sexually attractive enough, because I am not independently wealthy and am uncomfortable with that kind of lifestyle because it is attendant with overconsumption.
So, I am going to go to nap for a bit and see if I am still excited...
Update: March 9, 2015 @ 0735h PDT
I napped from yesterday evening (after 4.30 PM) until 3 AM this morning. That's at least ten hours of sleep.
No dreams, but have been on the net-book since waking up. Hm... time to have breakfast and plan out my day.
My guess is, the prospect of daylight savings time springing forward an hour led to insomnia.
YMMV
Update: March 9, 2015 @ 2324h PDT
After talking with my room-mate, I realize that I was mistaken about what time I went to bed last night. Bedtime was actually 8 PM, so that means I actually got 6-7 hours of sleep.
Reviewing the past 36 hours, it will be awhile before I will lose sleep like this. It's not worth what it does to my physical, mental and spiritual health.
Although I went surfing to websites that I would never go to when well rested, it soon got so boring that I stopped before things got out of hand.
When I reflect back on the previous 24 hours, the hypomania gave me a brief sense of confidence that left me feeling like I could handle any situation in life.
Let me reassure you that hypomania is a state of mind in which I experienced a tremendous burst of energy — a second wind — during which I got a lot done.
Thankfully, most of it was off-line and church-related.
Briefly, I volunteered to accompany a fellow LDS member JD — he is experienced at this — to perform sacrament for Mr P, a LDS member who is home-bound due to an unspecified illness.
While chatting with Mr P, he related a story about his cat Charity who was so concerned about him when he was suffering in silence in his rocker that she went to his wife in the bedroom and meowed until she realized that Mr P was in need of consoling.
Mr P and I are of the same mind about pets. Cats, being domesticated, are so much a part of human society for such a long time that we humans view them as family. They become sensitive to our needs just as much as we become sensitive to theirs.
So I am grateful to have heard from Mr P about his cat Charity who truly loves her master as much as Mr P loves her.
All names of people mentioned in this blog entry have been changed to protect their privacy,
Showing posts with label hypomania. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hypomania. Show all posts
20121225
Insomnia Model of Bipolar Disorder
This is a model based on a theory formulated by subjective analysis of bipolar disorder. Due to this subjectivity, it may be flawed and in need of correction. Please comment with corrections as you see fit.
Due to anxiety, specifically worry, insomnia leads to an extended period of lost sleep. That lost sleep leads to more of the same. At some point, hypomania arises and then escalates into mania. Finally a psychosis develops and the world that one enters is known as "depression" where one swings between the extremes of sleep and of insomnia.
During the hypomania phase, one gets productive until it seems the world cannot stand for efficiency and "getting things done" since society has engineered the concept of "disposable" and the efficiency of "lasts forever" is not "good business".
Once efficiency and "doing good" becomes "bad business", one enters the manic stage and consistently does good, but achieves no success because a do-gooder is "bad for business" in today's fast-paced world.
Frustrated by increasing lack of success, the manic person may "burn out" and enter "a world of his own" in the psychotic phase. The main feature of this psychosis is the ability to sleep long hours and to rapidly cycle between it and insomnia with short bouts of hypomania, where one is productive and interfaces well with other people. One then regains some success as his "business reputation" is restored through productive conferences with his circle of friends.
However, it is possible for mania to recur IF his feelings of self worth are forgotten as his income declines. Rising income actually leads to remission of mania.
Through regular use of mild anxiolytic medications, his anxiety will be lowered to the point that insomnia is rare, but what he has learned about hypomania implies that the increased productivity and social connections outweighs the fatigue. For hypomania is the "good life" while mania is the "bad life".
Through therapy and reflective meditation, it is possible to choose the good life over the bad. What helps one make this choice wisely, preferring the good over the bad, is love. One loves himself so much that mania is seen as unproductive and damaging to reputation precisely because the psychosis is viewed as an endless cycle of hyperactivity and sleep, complicated by insomnia.
In contrast, anxiety that leads only to insomnia and hypomania is a milder psychosis which is manageable. For this is the world of productivity and benefits of social graces. One is valuable to his employer and his love for himself prevents him from making a bad choice and descending into the hell of bipolar psychosis.
Even though bipolar disorder is not as simple as this, as each person has a different aspect of the disorder, it is possible to simplify it into opposing pairs of good and bad since the disorder lends well to such a simple model.
For the bad life makes a hell of the symptoms of anxiety, insomnia, hypomania, mania and psychosis. In contrast the good life help to make those symptoms "go away" i.e. become manageable.
Due to anxiety, specifically worry, insomnia leads to an extended period of lost sleep. That lost sleep leads to more of the same. At some point, hypomania arises and then escalates into mania. Finally a psychosis develops and the world that one enters is known as "depression" where one swings between the extremes of sleep and of insomnia.
During the hypomania phase, one gets productive until it seems the world cannot stand for efficiency and "getting things done" since society has engineered the concept of "disposable" and the efficiency of "lasts forever" is not "good business".
Once efficiency and "doing good" becomes "bad business", one enters the manic stage and consistently does good, but achieves no success because a do-gooder is "bad for business" in today's fast-paced world.
Frustrated by increasing lack of success, the manic person may "burn out" and enter "a world of his own" in the psychotic phase. The main feature of this psychosis is the ability to sleep long hours and to rapidly cycle between it and insomnia with short bouts of hypomania, where one is productive and interfaces well with other people. One then regains some success as his "business reputation" is restored through productive conferences with his circle of friends.
However, it is possible for mania to recur IF his feelings of self worth are forgotten as his income declines. Rising income actually leads to remission of mania.
Through regular use of mild anxiolytic medications, his anxiety will be lowered to the point that insomnia is rare, but what he has learned about hypomania implies that the increased productivity and social connections outweighs the fatigue. For hypomania is the "good life" while mania is the "bad life".
Through therapy and reflective meditation, it is possible to choose the good life over the bad. What helps one make this choice wisely, preferring the good over the bad, is love. One loves himself so much that mania is seen as unproductive and damaging to reputation precisely because the psychosis is viewed as an endless cycle of hyperactivity and sleep, complicated by insomnia.
In contrast, anxiety that leads only to insomnia and hypomania is a milder psychosis which is manageable. For this is the world of productivity and benefits of social graces. One is valuable to his employer and his love for himself prevents him from making a bad choice and descending into the hell of bipolar psychosis.
Even though bipolar disorder is not as simple as this, as each person has a different aspect of the disorder, it is possible to simplify it into opposing pairs of good and bad since the disorder lends well to such a simple model.
For the bad life makes a hell of the symptoms of anxiety, insomnia, hypomania, mania and psychosis. In contrast the good life help to make those symptoms "go away" i.e. become manageable.
20110316
Caffeine Sensitivity
During the past four weeks, I've notice a consistent pattern in my behavior which causes me embarrassment and regret.
I'm sure that caffeine sensitivity is at the root of it.
I have a history of insomnia along with mild traumatic brain injury since early childhood.
With insomnia comes anxiety and hypomania.
Caffeine worsens the hypomania, because it lowers my ability to control impulsiveness.
When I am in a hypomanic state of mind, the Internet only leads me to writing about wishes about sensual desire that I would never follow through on because it is out of character with my true nature.
Indeed, sensual desire is a needless distraction from actualizing the true nature of a human being, which is to practice unselfish concern for the welfare of others.
This includes being of service to others, and being ready to help others in need without thought of self. At the root of sensual desires is craving, which arises as a fruit of mental unrest (anxiety).
The common denominator is caffeine and insomnia.
Solution:
I'm sure that caffeine sensitivity is at the root of it.
I have a history of insomnia along with mild traumatic brain injury since early childhood.
With insomnia comes anxiety and hypomania.
Caffeine worsens the hypomania, because it lowers my ability to control impulsiveness.
When I am in a hypomanic state of mind, the Internet only leads me to writing about wishes about sensual desire that I would never follow through on because it is out of character with my true nature.
Indeed, sensual desire is a needless distraction from actualizing the true nature of a human being, which is to practice unselfish concern for the welfare of others.
This includes being of service to others, and being ready to help others in need without thought of self. At the root of sensual desires is craving, which arises as a fruit of mental unrest (anxiety).
The common denominator is caffeine and insomnia.
Solution:
- Meditation
- Switch to bottled water.
- Go to bed before midnight.
20100623
The MAO Theory of Madness
Actually men produce vasopressin at orgasm.
This lowers blood pressure.
This is also how man destresses, and does not go crazy due to stress.
Indeed, men who kill report not having had time to attend to their sexual needs before they go on a rampage.
So there may be a connexion between vasopressin and monamine oxidase (MAO) receptor expression.
Without MAO, a person would have an excess of neurotransmitters.
Without MAO a person would develop insomnia, then hypomania, then mania and finally psychosis until he dies from lack of sleep.
This is why most anti-psychotics have an antihistamine effect.
This lowers blood pressure.
This is also how man destresses, and does not go crazy due to stress.
Indeed, men who kill report not having had time to attend to their sexual needs before they go on a rampage.
So there may be a connexion between vasopressin and monamine oxidase (MAO) receptor expression.
Without MAO, a person would have an excess of neurotransmitters.
Without MAO a person would develop insomnia, then hypomania, then mania and finally psychosis until he dies from lack of sleep.
This is why most anti-psychotics have an antihistamine effect.
20090917
High-THC Cannabis The Real Problem
I am a firm believer that, while stoned, I - like Fitz Hugh Ludlow - understands more fully “the soul’s capacity for a broader being, deeper insight, grander views of Beauty, Truth and Good" than I now gain through the chinks of my cell i.e. the six senses... of sight, hearing, touch, smelling, tasting and thought (mind).
Indeed, I believe that at the same time, I am rendered delusional by THC, and hallucinate that I am more creative while "high" on the cannaboids precisely because of the high THC levels in marijuana.
What I am then suggesting is, that is the CBD which is the creative muse, NOT THC!
Proof of this is that nobody who's rendered anxious and near-psychotic while under the influence THC is truly creative.
For it is the sedative powers of CBD which cures us of THC's ability to incapacitate us with hallucinations.
If we did not have the calming, Zen-like qualities of CBD to stabilize the pseudo-schizophrenic reaction to THC, our minds would be blown like a series of acid trips, evolving from benign to bad.
As well, we'd be too incapacitated by anxiety and flashbacks to actually create.
And all it takes is one (1) deep puff of the ganja to begin this rocky road to abuse.
Even so, I am not saying marijuana is bad for you; what I am saying is that I am calling THC a one-way ticket to Hell.
For it is CBD which will bring you back from your own self-created Hell.
Finally I will urge that we ban high-THC marijuana and grow only strains which have equal parts of CBD and THC, for the good of us all.
Indeed, I believe that at the same time, I am rendered delusional by THC, and hallucinate that I am more creative while "high" on the cannaboids precisely because of the high THC levels in marijuana.
What I am then suggesting is, that is the CBD which is the creative muse, NOT THC!
Proof of this is that nobody who's rendered anxious and near-psychotic while under the influence THC is truly creative.
For it is the sedative powers of CBD which cures us of THC's ability to incapacitate us with hallucinations.
If we did not have the calming, Zen-like qualities of CBD to stabilize the pseudo-schizophrenic reaction to THC, our minds would be blown like a series of acid trips, evolving from benign to bad.
As well, we'd be too incapacitated by anxiety and flashbacks to actually create.
And all it takes is one (1) deep puff of the ganja to begin this rocky road to abuse.
Even so, I am not saying marijuana is bad for you; what I am saying is that I am calling THC a one-way ticket to Hell.
For it is CBD which will bring you back from your own self-created Hell.
Finally I will urge that we ban high-THC marijuana and grow only strains which have equal parts of CBD and THC, for the good of us all.
20080621
Fear as root and symptom of psychoses
Fear leads to insomnia, which leads to hypomania which evolves into mania, and finally psychosis.
This only refers to irrational fears, not the fear reaction to imminent threat which lead to flight-or-fight response.
Anxiety appears to be both root and symptom of fear, and usually indicates anxiety of an unvoiced fear.
Phobias are when both anxiety and fear form a complex set of behaviors related to an object of fear with anxiety on exposure.
Desensitization of the object of fear and positive rationalization about the anxiety and fear leads to evolution from anxiety and fear to relief through calmness, peace of mind and serenity.
Thus it is possible to transform both anxiety and fear into healthy action i.e. ignoring the stimuli.
This only refers to irrational fears, not the fear reaction to imminent threat which lead to flight-or-fight response.
Anxiety appears to be both root and symptom of fear, and usually indicates anxiety of an unvoiced fear.
Phobias are when both anxiety and fear form a complex set of behaviors related to an object of fear with anxiety on exposure.
Desensitization of the object of fear and positive rationalization about the anxiety and fear leads to evolution from anxiety and fear to relief through calmness, peace of mind and serenity.
Thus it is possible to transform both anxiety and fear into healthy action i.e. ignoring the stimuli.
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