Sometimes I get anxious over the thought that people lying about me. Repeatedly I will obsess about that thought.
However, I know that it isn't true.
When I think other people are lying about me, it actually is me lying to myself. This is why it's hard to write truthfully about myself, because I don't know if the truth I write about myself is actually a lie or the truth.
Overall, that uncertainty leads me to falsely assume other people are lying to me.
Sometimes when I'm this candid in my blog, a few people might object to it. However, that's their choice.
I am certain that my thoughts are better managed when I write about them. Just thinking about them isn't what the problem is.
By obsessive thinking about a concern until it becomes a worry — that is the problem.
Here is the solution:
Writing about it relieves that worry because of the change of focus from thinking about it to writing about it.
Furthermore, writing about my thoughts requires critical thinking and reasoning. In contrast, thinking when anxious only requires the irrational fear of untruth.
By writing candidly about my thoughts, I am reducing the risk factors associated with anxiety and narcissism.
Self disclosure has the risks associated with exposing my vulnerabilities to the scrutiny of public opinion, but it is counteracted by the narcissism inherent in maintaining a blog.
Thus the benefits of writing about my thoughts and feelings on my blog outweigh these risks.
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
20150313
Be Fearless and All Phobias Will Flee (satire)
If I see a bug, a spider or a mushroom, then it is in celebration of the plenitude of life. Even a picture of a snake is but a subtle reminder that a picture may be worth a thousand words.
Yet a picture that evokes a flurry of anxiety that results in fear ought to be viewed a thousand times to desensitize ourselves to the phobia until it fades away.
Otherwise the phobic person will only be enthralled by her phobia such that she relives the original exposure to the object of her fear.
Such behavior is maladaptive since it does not deal with the original fear, but instead is an unconscious choice which is sometimes made repeatedly.
Instead of reacting to my fear and raising my anxiety as a result of a fear stimulus, I find that continued exposure to the object of my fear leaves me feeling less and less afraid of the unnerving stimuli. If the feeling of fear returns I suppress all thought of fear and reaffirm my commitment to keeping my mind at peace.
Therefore, phobias ought not be cultivated and nurtured, lest you obsess about your fears and let your life be guided by them.
It is far better to keep the mind occupied on positive thoughts until those fears are forgotten. By choosing not to listen to anxiety's scaremongering, your mind is yours to free itself of fear with courage.
Yet a picture that evokes a flurry of anxiety that results in fear ought to be viewed a thousand times to desensitize ourselves to the phobia until it fades away.
Otherwise the phobic person will only be enthralled by her phobia such that she relives the original exposure to the object of her fear.
Such behavior is maladaptive since it does not deal with the original fear, but instead is an unconscious choice which is sometimes made repeatedly.
Instead of reacting to my fear and raising my anxiety as a result of a fear stimulus, I find that continued exposure to the object of my fear leaves me feeling less and less afraid of the unnerving stimuli. If the feeling of fear returns I suppress all thought of fear and reaffirm my commitment to keeping my mind at peace.
Therefore, phobias ought not be cultivated and nurtured, lest you obsess about your fears and let your life be guided by them.
It is far better to keep the mind occupied on positive thoughts until those fears are forgotten. By choosing not to listen to anxiety's scaremongering, your mind is yours to free itself of fear with courage.
20141221
Journal Entry for December 18 2014 (satire)
December 18, 2014 - 1711H:
It is not technology that is my problem. Rather, it is my willingness to think technology is worth spending time which could have been spent attending to more important things.
None of my psychological issues have to do with anything else.
Instead, they have to do with the same problems that I have experienced with my computer in response to the change to the short winter hours. This has led me to spend more time in my bedroom on my computer and with my smartphones.
No one is responsible for any behavior changes which I am now experiencing except for myself.
However, I enjoy writing in my journal because it relieves the psychic pain — intense emotional anguish — that comes from knowing that using my smartphones instead of my computer does not improve my behavior.
Writing about such anguish and the feelings of guilt and regret is stressful since my feelings about spending more time with technology have been barely exposed.
Even so, the main feeling which emerges from this stress is anxiety wit the feeling that I should have completed an errand outside my home rather than stay at home. As a result of this anxiety, I am sometimes find myself unable to think of going out on that errand after spending most of the day on my smartphones.
Currently I do not feel frustrated as much as I was a half hour ago. That my reaction to the anxiety was to take a 100mg dose of gabapentin to reduce its severity is a positive action. This is because gabapentin helps calm me down.
Mainly I do not feel as anxious as I was before I took that pill!
Therefore the anxiety is not much of an issue.
...
There is no great purpose in analyzing in depth the imbalance between self and others which is apparent here. Instead, the solution is to moderate use of my smartphones.
If I were to go in depth about their use then I would be creating more than I am capable of handling due to the fear that I may uncover something I know about myself but lays hidden in the back of my mind.
Of course, it may be apparent that I act selfishly. This day (Thursday) is the first day of the week that I am free to do my own thing.
Most of my time on the smartphones was not as productive as I wished it to be — at this time I want a rooted Nexus 4. Yet I am over having a rooted phone since it is more productive to have Android 5.0 on it.
Of course, I no longer feel guilty for spending time away from my LDS studies. I have worked that out too.
So I am thankful for the benefits that this writing has given me, an outlet for artistic expression.
This journal entry is worthwhile in time spent exploring my current mood (anxiety about being on my smartphones and fear that I may be missing out on life).
Currently I am going to return to my regular Thursday away from my technology for about a half hour or more. Such writing is productive because I have written three journal pages. Such a positive outcome is worth whatever fear that I had at the beginning of this journal entry.
...
On December 20, 2014 I finally completed that errand which consisted mainly of getting my prescription.
It is not technology that is my problem. Rather, it is my willingness to think technology is worth spending time which could have been spent attending to more important things.
None of my psychological issues have to do with anything else.
Instead, they have to do with the same problems that I have experienced with my computer in response to the change to the short winter hours. This has led me to spend more time in my bedroom on my computer and with my smartphones.
No one is responsible for any behavior changes which I am now experiencing except for myself.
However, I enjoy writing in my journal because it relieves the psychic pain — intense emotional anguish — that comes from knowing that using my smartphones instead of my computer does not improve my behavior.
Writing about such anguish and the feelings of guilt and regret is stressful since my feelings about spending more time with technology have been barely exposed.
Even so, the main feeling which emerges from this stress is anxiety wit the feeling that I should have completed an errand outside my home rather than stay at home. As a result of this anxiety, I am sometimes find myself unable to think of going out on that errand after spending most of the day on my smartphones.
Currently I do not feel frustrated as much as I was a half hour ago. That my reaction to the anxiety was to take a 100mg dose of gabapentin to reduce its severity is a positive action. This is because gabapentin helps calm me down.
Mainly I do not feel as anxious as I was before I took that pill!
Therefore the anxiety is not much of an issue.
...
There is no great purpose in analyzing in depth the imbalance between self and others which is apparent here. Instead, the solution is to moderate use of my smartphones.
If I were to go in depth about their use then I would be creating more than I am capable of handling due to the fear that I may uncover something I know about myself but lays hidden in the back of my mind.
Of course, it may be apparent that I act selfishly. This day (Thursday) is the first day of the week that I am free to do my own thing.
Most of my time on the smartphones was not as productive as I wished it to be — at this time I want a rooted Nexus 4. Yet I am over having a rooted phone since it is more productive to have Android 5.0 on it.
Of course, I no longer feel guilty for spending time away from my LDS studies. I have worked that out too.
So I am thankful for the benefits that this writing has given me, an outlet for artistic expression.
This journal entry is worthwhile in time spent exploring my current mood (anxiety about being on my smartphones and fear that I may be missing out on life).
Currently I am going to return to my regular Thursday away from my technology for about a half hour or more. Such writing is productive because I have written three journal pages. Such a positive outcome is worth whatever fear that I had at the beginning of this journal entry.
...
On December 20, 2014 I finally completed that errand which consisted mainly of getting my prescription.
20140911
Drugs are Bad (satire)
I remember this mvie about the two girls in Indianopolis in the 1950s who wer abused by a single mother with four kids (2 girls, 2 boys). She took in these girls because the parents were carnies and the carnie life is not for kids.
One girl was lame.
The other girl, the oldest, was physically abused until she died of a severe beating. The younger one was abused but not as much.
This happened because the mother belied her own kids, even when the oldest daughter lied about her having sex, which started it all.
Ultimately the mom went to prison for manslaughter and was let out after 10 years for good behavior. She blamed the barbituates.
It killed Marilyn Monroe. Other celebrities did weird stuff while high on barbituates. Then they banned the sale of it. Nobody did stupid stuff like this since then, except until tranquilizers started causing problems.
As did Ambien.
MMMmmmmm pharmaceutical are bad. Illegal drugs, no so bad, except for crystal meth and crack.
We should ban drugs for mental problems.
However, people would panic because they think drugs "cure" mental illness. Actually Abilify causes schizophrenia in people misdiagnosed with the disease.
I bet antidepressant cause anxiety or what looks like anxiety but is akathasia. Doctors who mistake akathasia for anxiety up the dose, causing suicide bids. Some people died cos of that mistake.
Therefore antidepressant are dangerous when used as directed.
Drugs are bad, especially the ones you get by prescription.
Illegal ones aren't because only stupid people use drugs, stupid people like Steve Jobs. :)I remember this mvie about the two girls in Indianopolis in the 1950s who wer abused by a single mother with four kids (2 girls, 2 boys). She took in these girls because the parents were carnies and the carnie life is not for kids.
One girl was lame.
The other girl, the oldest, was physically abused until she died of a severe beating. The younger one was abused but not as much.
This happened because the mother belied her own kids, even when the oldest daughter lied about her having sex, which started it all.
Ultimately the mom went to prison for manslaughter and was let out after 10 years for good behavior. She blamed the barbituates.
It killed Marilyn Monroe. Other celebrities did weird stuff while high on barbituates. Then they banned the sale of it. Nobody did stupid stuff like this since then, except until tranquilizers started causing problems.
As did Ambien.
MMMmmmmm pharmaceutical are bad. Illegal drugs, no so bad, except for crystal meth and crack.
We should ban drugs for mental problems.
However, people would panic because they think drugs "cure" mental illness. Actually Abilify causes schizophrenia in people misdiagnosed with the disease.
I bet antidepressant cause anxiety or what looks like anxiety but is akathasia. Doctors who mistake akathasia for anxiety up the dose, causing suicide bids. Some people died cos of that mistake.
Therefore antidepressant are dangerous when used as directed.
Drugs are bad, especially the ones you get by prescription.
Illegal ones aren't because only stupid people use drugs, stupid people like Steve Jobs. :)
One girl was lame.
The other girl, the oldest, was physically abused until she died of a severe beating. The younger one was abused but not as much.
This happened because the mother belied her own kids, even when the oldest daughter lied about her having sex, which started it all.
Ultimately the mom went to prison for manslaughter and was let out after 10 years for good behavior. She blamed the barbituates.
It killed Marilyn Monroe. Other celebrities did weird stuff while high on barbituates. Then they banned the sale of it. Nobody did stupid stuff like this since then, except until tranquilizers started causing problems.
As did Ambien.
MMMmmmmm pharmaceutical are bad. Illegal drugs, no so bad, except for crystal meth and crack.
We should ban drugs for mental problems.
However, people would panic because they think drugs "cure" mental illness. Actually Abilify causes schizophrenia in people misdiagnosed with the disease.
I bet antidepressant cause anxiety or what looks like anxiety but is akathasia. Doctors who mistake akathasia for anxiety up the dose, causing suicide bids. Some people died cos of that mistake.
Therefore antidepressant are dangerous when used as directed.
Drugs are bad, especially the ones you get by prescription.
Illegal ones aren't because only stupid people use drugs, stupid people like Steve Jobs. :)I remember this mvie about the two girls in Indianopolis in the 1950s who wer abused by a single mother with four kids (2 girls, 2 boys). She took in these girls because the parents were carnies and the carnie life is not for kids.
One girl was lame.
The other girl, the oldest, was physically abused until she died of a severe beating. The younger one was abused but not as much.
This happened because the mother belied her own kids, even when the oldest daughter lied about her having sex, which started it all.
Ultimately the mom went to prison for manslaughter and was let out after 10 years for good behavior. She blamed the barbituates.
It killed Marilyn Monroe. Other celebrities did weird stuff while high on barbituates. Then they banned the sale of it. Nobody did stupid stuff like this since then, except until tranquilizers started causing problems.
As did Ambien.
MMMmmmmm pharmaceutical are bad. Illegal drugs, no so bad, except for crystal meth and crack.
We should ban drugs for mental problems.
However, people would panic because they think drugs "cure" mental illness. Actually Abilify causes schizophrenia in people misdiagnosed with the disease.
I bet antidepressant cause anxiety or what looks like anxiety but is akathasia. Doctors who mistake akathasia for anxiety up the dose, causing suicide bids. Some people died cos of that mistake.
Therefore antidepressant are dangerous when used as directed.
Drugs are bad, especially the ones you get by prescription.
Illegal ones aren't because only stupid people use drugs, stupid people like Steve Jobs. :)
20140805
What My Sex is Like in my Head (satire)
In public I sometimes behave like a socially inept 12-year-old. Some women who observe me get anxious, and ignore me. Other women try to maintain oblivious serenity. A few of them are disgusted with my "attitude."
Then I go home, sleep less than six hours a night, and is a willing captive of the manic libido!
Why? Because it beats the sadness inherent in depression, the anxiety about my lack of a sexual relationship.
Indeed, I especially loathe the social isolation that consistently befalls me after getting 6-10 hours of "normal" sleep at night.
For me, life isn't fulfilling because no woman is willing to cross the threshold and get to know me intimately.
Do I have to plan the seeds of passion into her mind to inflame her heart so that she crosses the line which separates us? I think not: no woman in her right mind wants to cross that boundary because she is safe living her life on her own terms without me.
She does not wish to share a life together with me for the same reason that I used to enjoy sleeping until noon: its safety socially isolates each of us from being intimate lest all hell break loose. This is also why women fear having mad sex without regret, because they loathe casual sex for its lack of a long-term relationship.
To most women, sex and intimacy is tied to a relationship which leads to a family. Thus sex for them is a means to an end: having children and mainly, companionship with a suitable lover and perhap a husband.
For men, sex is about lowering the blood pressure and rewarding their mate for picking them to protect them from other men. Women however call this reason for sex "selfish", ignoring the simple fact that their family-mindedness may be a mind game that they create for themselves to justify enjoying sex to the fullest.
In my humble opinion, women think about sex more often than men, but convince their men that their selfish sex is sexist whilst hold family-mindedness as the highest of human virtues. This is the work of the libido, not a rational mind.
For love is tied to our emotions and feelings about sex and relationships. They cannot help but be.
Indeed, libido is both the motivator of our feelings and emotions to use said feelings to establish emotional ties so that the mind does not turn to the dark side (depression) and cause a person to become socially isolated from family, friends and loved ones.
We fear loneliness so much that we ignore the fact that we spend most of our lives alone, shaking off the stress caused by the resulting anxieties.
This is why my sex activity is all in my head, while my hand is beating a tattoo to the south! >:)
Original post: September 1, 2011 at 6:27 PM
Reference:
Hypersexuality: http://bipolar.about.com/cs/hypersex/a/aa_hypersex.htm
Then I go home, sleep less than six hours a night, and is a willing captive of the manic libido!
Why? Because it beats the sadness inherent in depression, the anxiety about my lack of a sexual relationship.
Indeed, I especially loathe the social isolation that consistently befalls me after getting 6-10 hours of "normal" sleep at night.
For me, life isn't fulfilling because no woman is willing to cross the threshold and get to know me intimately.
Do I have to plan the seeds of passion into her mind to inflame her heart so that she crosses the line which separates us? I think not: no woman in her right mind wants to cross that boundary because she is safe living her life on her own terms without me.
She does not wish to share a life together with me for the same reason that I used to enjoy sleeping until noon: its safety socially isolates each of us from being intimate lest all hell break loose. This is also why women fear having mad sex without regret, because they loathe casual sex for its lack of a long-term relationship.
To most women, sex and intimacy is tied to a relationship which leads to a family. Thus sex for them is a means to an end: having children and mainly, companionship with a suitable lover and perhap a husband.
For men, sex is about lowering the blood pressure and rewarding their mate for picking them to protect them from other men. Women however call this reason for sex "selfish", ignoring the simple fact that their family-mindedness may be a mind game that they create for themselves to justify enjoying sex to the fullest.
In my humble opinion, women think about sex more often than men, but convince their men that their selfish sex is sexist whilst hold family-mindedness as the highest of human virtues. This is the work of the libido, not a rational mind.
For love is tied to our emotions and feelings about sex and relationships. They cannot help but be.
Indeed, libido is both the motivator of our feelings and emotions to use said feelings to establish emotional ties so that the mind does not turn to the dark side (depression) and cause a person to become socially isolated from family, friends and loved ones.
We fear loneliness so much that we ignore the fact that we spend most of our lives alone, shaking off the stress caused by the resulting anxieties.
This is why my sex activity is all in my head, while my hand is beating a tattoo to the south! >:)
Original post: September 1, 2011 at 6:27 PM
Reference:
Hypersexuality: http://bipolar.about.com/cs/hypersex/a/aa_hypersex.htm
20140201
Insomnia and Its Effect on Borderline Personality (satire)
This article is related to what I read about borderline personality disorder e.g. the ability to idealize or fantasize about another person without even have to interact with them.
However, I am also writing this article because I don't like imagining how life would be without Googleplus. It'd be fit as a Hollywood script but most of the plots I have seen on TV or on the big screen are unrealistic, except maybe for Criminal Minds.
Sometimes borderline people would have a fantasized relationship where it all exists in her imagination.
I think our grandparents used to call it daydreaming.
Mundanes seem to ignore their fantasies unless they are in the same room with each other.
Perhaps a few of the emo kids fit the typical borderline personality disorder, which can mimic all the other mental disorders, though not the mood disorders.
A borderline person would have to have a real mood disorder, though the hysterical suicide attempts usually are not fatal, unless they cut too deeply and other morbid stuff like that.
I am pretty lucky to have been born Asian and Buddhist. When diagnosed in 1991 with borderline, my doctor and I agreed the medication route would not be in my best interest, in light of the fact that SSRIs do not work on a personality disorder.
Most doctors often mistake the side effect of akathisia for anxiety and wrong-mindedly choose to up the SSRI dosage, which causes more akathisia.
If such restlessness is present, then it might feel like anxiety but anxiety has one hidden feature to it: it is due to anger that is so suppressed it comes out as a panic attack rather than rage.
Akathisia may lead to thoughts of suicide and morbid ideation about suicide choices. Usually that happens when a dose is missed or doubled.
Thus the additional SSRI dosage could cause a crisis.
However, there is a solution: 15-30 mg of Remeron, which is a antihistamine based sedative. However the mental health consumer can encounter sleep-eating experiences on the higher dose (30mg).
Personally, I think an orgasm could solve more of the mental health issues since a few severely mentally ill American women on the self help web forums are so jaded from past failed relationships, they don't want to handle a relationship anymore. Possibly they got fed up with men. I do not doubt a lot of them become lesbians, but don't have a healthy sex life because they are too ill to enjoy it anymore.
Mainly because the pleasure feels more like pain, though I am certain Lexapro and Celexa have mild painkiller effect.
Guys are not built like that. If the little head anticipate a sexual encounter, the libido will kick in and rule their lives. E.g. the 40 yr old man who gets 25 yr old mistress and lies to his wife about the lipstick on his collar.
Though I have heard of a marriage that led to divorce because the wife was a homophobe who didn't understand her husband's bisexual urges. Scary.
Yet us guys do not think girl-girl sex is inherently gay unless they are both lesbians. Often though, one of the so-called lesbian is a bisexual in the closet.
I can see a lesbian blow up if her bisexual lady lover get a little dick on the sly and accidentally gets pregnant. She would be hurt her lover didn't at least introduce him.
As a rule, misogynist males and androphobic women are extremes. Yes, men haters and women haters are extremes and thus rare. For most people, hate does not ferment into bigotry because it's just unthinkable.
However, we tend to have neurotic tendencies, while the narcissistic person could be our worst nightmare.
Indeed, neuroses are NORMAL. Depression is a normal reaction to negativity in a person's life. Anxiety is a normal reaction to repressed anger that morphs into a panic attack or "the inability to leave the house to the point of coming up with excuses never to leave the house" aka agoraphobia, which too is a neurosis of the worst kind.
As long as a person isn't self harming, be it drug addictions or worse, cutting, neuroses will rarely kill you, with the rare exception of being scared to death.
I like all people in my circles on Googleplus. Your humor might outrage my mom so I like you even more.
Personally though I find horror movies to be hilarious. I know what real blood looks like. Most of the fake blood in horror does not get close to the real thing. However, I am grateful for that because then horror would stop being funny.
It might be my personality to laugh under stress like embarrassment or fear.
If you look over my earlier post on Blogspot about my mental health, then you'd learn that I got diagnosed in 1991.
Today I am certain that psychiatrist just wanted to convince me into thinking I was schizo-something. Schizoaffective which is comorbid with a mood disorder appears with schizophrenic symptoms of paranoia and hallucinations. Schizotypal indicates probable schizophrenic symptoms when under stress. Since schizotypy refers to eccentricities of personality, it is stress that causes the initial effects of schizotypal disorder before adulthood.
After adulthood, all it takes is a drug addiction to hide anxiety and depression. Since alcohol and tobacco is legal, these drugs are often used to self-medicate by people who eventually become mentally ill. Though both of them need careful moderation to reduce side-effects.
According to the anti-marijuana propaganda, smoking lots of marijuana before adulthood leads to anxiety, which presents as temporary paranoia in full-blown anxiety attacks. Indeed, in a certain portion of users, marijuana is known to induce feelings of paranoia and can cause hallucinations which will make an anxious person freak out.
An example is the 911 call by that cop who share a doob with his wife. He complained of experiencing time slowing down and wondered if he was going to die. It makes me wonder if he checked out what the side effects of THC are. Erowid is your friend for that.
So I got diagnosed with borderline personality. Since I have chosen to treat the insomnia rather than the borderline symptoms, the disorder is less of a problem and more of a blessing.
Since borderline is associated with the myth of a flawed personality, perhaps in my case it is a bogus diagnosis. The European description of the same disorder is called Emotionally Unstable Disorder. Both descriptions are stigmatizing. It's still in the DSM-V because shrinks plan to make a lot of money diagnosing hysterical people, once they filter out the funny kind of hysterics.
Emo kids would fit the borderline diagnosis, even the ones that learn to cut from their mentally ill peers who probably suffer depression and anxiety. I'm certain depression could result psychotic thoughts about suicide if a kid's anxiety keeps her homebound.
Me, I'm on two absolutely safe drugs I can get by script, Neurontin (gabapentin; low dose of 200 mg daily for neurasthenia-related pain) and Flexeril (cyclobenzaprine; 10 mg daily for pain from osteoarthrosis of left shoulder). Additionally, I also take two amino acids, lysine for anxiety and arginine for the cardiovascular system. Then there is n-acetyl cysteine (NAC) for liver detoxification (500 mg daily), Vitamins B-50 for stress, C (500+ mg) and D (1000+ IU daily) for the immune system, Calcium (350 mg daily; works in synergy with Vitamin C and lysine for bones and collagen formation), and Ocuvite (to preserve eyesight).
As well, I have recently confirmed the diagnosis of borderline personality because one of my friends in my circles has blocked me due to taking an earlier edition of this rant too seriously. Since this is good material for a blog post, I have edited the private rant to target a great audience.
Most of this article was written earlier in January while suffering insomnia. The reason why it jumps all over the place because it is a rant — not an essay — about living with my borderline personality.
I am glad to have found friends within most of my circles on GooglePlus and appreciate the silent yet sometimes vocal support from my circles on GooglePlus. Currently, I have just woken up an hour ago to post this article after editing it into what you are reading now. Since using the lysine and arginine (1000 mg each) for the past week, I have been getting enough sleep at night.
My motive for writing this rant in its current form is to document what living with my borderline personality is like on my worst days. Sleep hygiene is important in reducing stress, which keeps the dark side of the personality at bay. YMMV.
For your entertainment, I present the following video playlists to show you how I make light with my borderline personality.
First I dance...
And dance some more...
And dance yet again...
Though I've been too busy to dance with work and all.
Sometimes I make music...
Most of the time, I blog and have been on Blogspot for eleven years. Blogging serves as a creative outlet for me. Sometimes an article is popular, but often it is not. I am clueless to what actually works, but realize that none of these article I write are cast in stone.
That means when I find an article needs references, it'll get references and more rhetoric added based on those references. In the case of this article, the tags and the videos above are all that is needed.
Reference:
My Mental Health So Far: http://gandhara.blogspot.com/2014/01/my-mental-health-so-far-satire.html
However, I am also writing this article because I don't like imagining how life would be without Googleplus. It'd be fit as a Hollywood script but most of the plots I have seen on TV or on the big screen are unrealistic, except maybe for Criminal Minds.
Sometimes borderline people would have a fantasized relationship where it all exists in her imagination.
I think our grandparents used to call it daydreaming.
Mundanes seem to ignore their fantasies unless they are in the same room with each other.
Perhaps a few of the emo kids fit the typical borderline personality disorder, which can mimic all the other mental disorders, though not the mood disorders.
A borderline person would have to have a real mood disorder, though the hysterical suicide attempts usually are not fatal, unless they cut too deeply and other morbid stuff like that.
I am pretty lucky to have been born Asian and Buddhist. When diagnosed in 1991 with borderline, my doctor and I agreed the medication route would not be in my best interest, in light of the fact that SSRIs do not work on a personality disorder.
Most doctors often mistake the side effect of akathisia for anxiety and wrong-mindedly choose to up the SSRI dosage, which causes more akathisia.
If such restlessness is present, then it might feel like anxiety but anxiety has one hidden feature to it: it is due to anger that is so suppressed it comes out as a panic attack rather than rage.
Akathisia may lead to thoughts of suicide and morbid ideation about suicide choices. Usually that happens when a dose is missed or doubled.
Thus the additional SSRI dosage could cause a crisis.
However, there is a solution: 15-30 mg of Remeron, which is a antihistamine based sedative. However the mental health consumer can encounter sleep-eating experiences on the higher dose (30mg).
Personally, I think an orgasm could solve more of the mental health issues since a few severely mentally ill American women on the self help web forums are so jaded from past failed relationships, they don't want to handle a relationship anymore. Possibly they got fed up with men. I do not doubt a lot of them become lesbians, but don't have a healthy sex life because they are too ill to enjoy it anymore.
Mainly because the pleasure feels more like pain, though I am certain Lexapro and Celexa have mild painkiller effect.
Guys are not built like that. If the little head anticipate a sexual encounter, the libido will kick in and rule their lives. E.g. the 40 yr old man who gets 25 yr old mistress and lies to his wife about the lipstick on his collar.
Though I have heard of a marriage that led to divorce because the wife was a homophobe who didn't understand her husband's bisexual urges. Scary.
Yet us guys do not think girl-girl sex is inherently gay unless they are both lesbians. Often though, one of the so-called lesbian is a bisexual in the closet.
I can see a lesbian blow up if her bisexual lady lover get a little dick on the sly and accidentally gets pregnant. She would be hurt her lover didn't at least introduce him.
As a rule, misogynist males and androphobic women are extremes. Yes, men haters and women haters are extremes and thus rare. For most people, hate does not ferment into bigotry because it's just unthinkable.
However, we tend to have neurotic tendencies, while the narcissistic person could be our worst nightmare.
Indeed, neuroses are NORMAL. Depression is a normal reaction to negativity in a person's life. Anxiety is a normal reaction to repressed anger that morphs into a panic attack or "the inability to leave the house to the point of coming up with excuses never to leave the house" aka agoraphobia, which too is a neurosis of the worst kind.
As long as a person isn't self harming, be it drug addictions or worse, cutting, neuroses will rarely kill you, with the rare exception of being scared to death.
I like all people in my circles on Googleplus. Your humor might outrage my mom so I like you even more.
Personally though I find horror movies to be hilarious. I know what real blood looks like. Most of the fake blood in horror does not get close to the real thing. However, I am grateful for that because then horror would stop being funny.
It might be my personality to laugh under stress like embarrassment or fear.
If you look over my earlier post on Blogspot about my mental health, then you'd learn that I got diagnosed in 1991.
Today I am certain that psychiatrist just wanted to convince me into thinking I was schizo-something. Schizoaffective which is comorbid with a mood disorder appears with schizophrenic symptoms of paranoia and hallucinations. Schizotypal indicates probable schizophrenic symptoms when under stress. Since schizotypy refers to eccentricities of personality, it is stress that causes the initial effects of schizotypal disorder before adulthood.
After adulthood, all it takes is a drug addiction to hide anxiety and depression. Since alcohol and tobacco is legal, these drugs are often used to self-medicate by people who eventually become mentally ill. Though both of them need careful moderation to reduce side-effects.
According to the anti-marijuana propaganda, smoking lots of marijuana before adulthood leads to anxiety, which presents as temporary paranoia in full-blown anxiety attacks. Indeed, in a certain portion of users, marijuana is known to induce feelings of paranoia and can cause hallucinations which will make an anxious person freak out.
An example is the 911 call by that cop who share a doob with his wife. He complained of experiencing time slowing down and wondered if he was going to die. It makes me wonder if he checked out what the side effects of THC are. Erowid is your friend for that.
So I got diagnosed with borderline personality. Since I have chosen to treat the insomnia rather than the borderline symptoms, the disorder is less of a problem and more of a blessing.
Since borderline is associated with the myth of a flawed personality, perhaps in my case it is a bogus diagnosis. The European description of the same disorder is called Emotionally Unstable Disorder. Both descriptions are stigmatizing. It's still in the DSM-V because shrinks plan to make a lot of money diagnosing hysterical people, once they filter out the funny kind of hysterics.
Emo kids would fit the borderline diagnosis, even the ones that learn to cut from their mentally ill peers who probably suffer depression and anxiety. I'm certain depression could result psychotic thoughts about suicide if a kid's anxiety keeps her homebound.
Me, I'm on two absolutely safe drugs I can get by script, Neurontin (gabapentin; low dose of 200 mg daily for neurasthenia-related pain) and Flexeril (cyclobenzaprine; 10 mg daily for pain from osteoarthrosis of left shoulder). Additionally, I also take two amino acids, lysine for anxiety and arginine for the cardiovascular system. Then there is n-acetyl cysteine (NAC) for liver detoxification (500 mg daily), Vitamins B-50 for stress, C (500+ mg) and D (1000+ IU daily) for the immune system, Calcium (350 mg daily; works in synergy with Vitamin C and lysine for bones and collagen formation), and Ocuvite (to preserve eyesight).
As well, I have recently confirmed the diagnosis of borderline personality because one of my friends in my circles has blocked me due to taking an earlier edition of this rant too seriously. Since this is good material for a blog post, I have edited the private rant to target a great audience.
Most of this article was written earlier in January while suffering insomnia. The reason why it jumps all over the place because it is a rant — not an essay — about living with my borderline personality.
I am glad to have found friends within most of my circles on GooglePlus and appreciate the silent yet sometimes vocal support from my circles on GooglePlus. Currently, I have just woken up an hour ago to post this article after editing it into what you are reading now. Since using the lysine and arginine (1000 mg each) for the past week, I have been getting enough sleep at night.
My motive for writing this rant in its current form is to document what living with my borderline personality is like on my worst days. Sleep hygiene is important in reducing stress, which keeps the dark side of the personality at bay. YMMV.
For your entertainment, I present the following video playlists to show you how I make light with my borderline personality.
First I dance...
And dance some more...
And dance yet again...
Though I've been too busy to dance with work and all.
Sometimes I make music...
Most of the time, I blog and have been on Blogspot for eleven years. Blogging serves as a creative outlet for me. Sometimes an article is popular, but often it is not. I am clueless to what actually works, but realize that none of these article I write are cast in stone.
That means when I find an article needs references, it'll get references and more rhetoric added based on those references. In the case of this article, the tags and the videos above are all that is needed.
Reference:
My Mental Health So Far: http://gandhara.blogspot.com/2014/01/my-mental-health-so-far-satire.html
20130623
Neuroses Means Eccentricities
Neuroses are normative. Anyone who declares otherwise ignores the fact that neuroses have been excluded from DSM-IV since they usually don't prevent a person from having a life most of the time.
Severe neuroses are a different topic, and therapy should start earlier during the acute phase i.e. when stress originally brings on anxiety, rather than later when a phobia has developed.
Anxiety is the acute phase, and phobias are a part of the chronic form of neuroses. While there are other forms of neuroses, it's these two ones that form one of many parts of various mental disorders.
Of course, I may be mistaken, but neuroses are mostly harmless when nipped in the bud.
YMMV
Severe neuroses are a different topic, and therapy should start earlier during the acute phase i.e. when stress originally brings on anxiety, rather than later when a phobia has developed.
Anxiety is the acute phase, and phobias are a part of the chronic form of neuroses. While there are other forms of neuroses, it's these two ones that form one of many parts of various mental disorders.
Of course, I may be mistaken, but neuroses are mostly harmless when nipped in the bud.
YMMV
20130409
Anxiety Relief Through Meditation
Sometimes, when sitting in my room meditating, my mind gets restless. Anxiety leads to emotions and feelings appearing to get the better of reason. It's as though I have two minds.
When of two minds, it's as though the heart battles with reason.
Once I've calmed down, I let the heart-mind exercise compassion.
How do I calm down? I start by concentrating on my breathing. Within a minute, my heart slows down. At this point in my meditation, I let my thoughts come and go without following any of them. Since the object of the meditation is to collect my thoughts, I find that letting go of them leads to a calm mind.
When one lets go of thought, thoughts are free to dissipate.
Through single-minded concentration it is possible to rein in the heart through the use of reason. This requires no effort on my part, except to breathe and to observe my mind carefully.
If anxiety starts to rise, then I return to my breathing by "thinking breathing."
After a short while the mind is calm, all anxiety forgotten. As a result, I feel positive and self-assured. When the mind is calm, and the rational mind is once again in control, the heart-mind is free to exercise compassion.
At this point in my meditation, I start to generate good thoughts to ensure the positive frame of mind in which there is no room for negativity.
Then the meditation is over and I'm ready to handle the day.
When of two minds, it's as though the heart battles with reason.
Once I've calmed down, I let the heart-mind exercise compassion.
How do I calm down? I start by concentrating on my breathing. Within a minute, my heart slows down. At this point in my meditation, I let my thoughts come and go without following any of them. Since the object of the meditation is to collect my thoughts, I find that letting go of them leads to a calm mind.
When one lets go of thought, thoughts are free to dissipate.
Through single-minded concentration it is possible to rein in the heart through the use of reason. This requires no effort on my part, except to breathe and to observe my mind carefully.
If anxiety starts to rise, then I return to my breathing by "thinking breathing."
After a short while the mind is calm, all anxiety forgotten. As a result, I feel positive and self-assured. When the mind is calm, and the rational mind is once again in control, the heart-mind is free to exercise compassion.
At this point in my meditation, I start to generate good thoughts to ensure the positive frame of mind in which there is no room for negativity.
Then the meditation is over and I'm ready to handle the day.
20130315
Curing Madness With Creativity (poem)
Those who suffer needlessly
may make it all worse
by describing their suffering.
How foolish! To cure
suffering, create non-suffering.
Non-suffering consists of
focusing one's thoughts
and actions on creativity,
distracting one from
mental unrest until calm.
Those who do not suffer act
without hesitation,
and are free of anxiety.
Their life is serene,
for they have conquered madness.
Original post: June 24, 2010 0844H
Update posted: March 15 2013 2331H
may make it all worse
by describing their suffering.
How foolish! To cure
suffering, create non-suffering.
Non-suffering consists of
focusing one's thoughts
and actions on creativity,
distracting one from
mental unrest until calm.
Those who do not suffer act
without hesitation,
and are free of anxiety.
Their life is serene,
for they have conquered madness.
Original post: June 24, 2010 0844H
Update posted: March 15 2013 2331H
20130201
Beating the Stigma of Mental Illness
Even though psychosiphobia is an invented term to describe society's fear of psychosis, mass media has done a disservice by either playing it for laughs or taking it all to seriously.
This fear appears in the minds of people who think if I tough it out, then I can beat mental illness just by thinking it away and gave patience waiting for my inner demons to leave me...
What magical thinking is this??
It's unfair to discriminate and stigmatize a person for his social ineptness even when he is supportive of tolerance of mental health consumers.
For mental health consumers, the peaceful confrontation is the safest path to survival.
If you don't like me for a few of my more eccentric views, and if you ignore the evidence as I've presented it, then my fear is validated — the fear that if you got to know me better, you'd called me weird and scary, and avoid close contact with me.
I agree with your view but we need to do more than complain about this problem that people with psychiatric disabilities face. This problem is called STIGMA.
Most mentally ill people are no more likely to harm others or even be violent to friends, loved ones, or even strangers.
Possibly only psychopaths are more likely to use violence on others.
A world leader with depression is an asset to the world, and a medicated world leader is as effective as a world leader in a wheelchair.
With therapy — whether from a therapist or of the self-help kind — we are mostly harmless.
So I am fed up with the stigmatization of people with psychiatric disabilities.
I am not crazy, a nutjob or totally insane; I have a mental illness. While you may think I might be scary and weird sometimes, that's only my anxiety talking.
It really isn't the real me.
So give the mentally ill a chance.
Thank you for your support!
psychosiphobia: http://wayback.archive.org/web/20061202024408/http://psychosiphobia.com/
This fear appears in the minds of people who think if I tough it out, then I can beat mental illness just by thinking it away and gave patience waiting for my inner demons to leave me...
What magical thinking is this??
It's unfair to discriminate and stigmatize a person for his social ineptness even when he is supportive of tolerance of mental health consumers.
For mental health consumers, the peaceful confrontation is the safest path to survival.
If you don't like me for a few of my more eccentric views, and if you ignore the evidence as I've presented it, then my fear is validated — the fear that if you got to know me better, you'd called me weird and scary, and avoid close contact with me.
I agree with your view but we need to do more than complain about this problem that people with psychiatric disabilities face. This problem is called STIGMA.
Most mentally ill people are no more likely to harm others or even be violent to friends, loved ones, or even strangers.
Possibly only psychopaths are more likely to use violence on others.
A world leader with depression is an asset to the world, and a medicated world leader is as effective as a world leader in a wheelchair.
With therapy — whether from a therapist or of the self-help kind — we are mostly harmless.
So I am fed up with the stigmatization of people with psychiatric disabilities.
I am not crazy, a nutjob or totally insane; I have a mental illness. While you may think I might be scary and weird sometimes, that's only my anxiety talking.
It really isn't the real me.
So give the mentally ill a chance.
Thank you for your support!
psychosiphobia: http://wayback.archive.org/web/20061202024408/http://psychosiphobia.com/
20121225
Insomnia Model of Bipolar Disorder
This is a model based on a theory formulated by subjective analysis of bipolar disorder. Due to this subjectivity, it may be flawed and in need of correction. Please comment with corrections as you see fit.
Due to anxiety, specifically worry, insomnia leads to an extended period of lost sleep. That lost sleep leads to more of the same. At some point, hypomania arises and then escalates into mania. Finally a psychosis develops and the world that one enters is known as "depression" where one swings between the extremes of sleep and of insomnia.
During the hypomania phase, one gets productive until it seems the world cannot stand for efficiency and "getting things done" since society has engineered the concept of "disposable" and the efficiency of "lasts forever" is not "good business".
Once efficiency and "doing good" becomes "bad business", one enters the manic stage and consistently does good, but achieves no success because a do-gooder is "bad for business" in today's fast-paced world.
Frustrated by increasing lack of success, the manic person may "burn out" and enter "a world of his own" in the psychotic phase. The main feature of this psychosis is the ability to sleep long hours and to rapidly cycle between it and insomnia with short bouts of hypomania, where one is productive and interfaces well with other people. One then regains some success as his "business reputation" is restored through productive conferences with his circle of friends.
However, it is possible for mania to recur IF his feelings of self worth are forgotten as his income declines. Rising income actually leads to remission of mania.
Through regular use of mild anxiolytic medications, his anxiety will be lowered to the point that insomnia is rare, but what he has learned about hypomania implies that the increased productivity and social connections outweighs the fatigue. For hypomania is the "good life" while mania is the "bad life".
Through therapy and reflective meditation, it is possible to choose the good life over the bad. What helps one make this choice wisely, preferring the good over the bad, is love. One loves himself so much that mania is seen as unproductive and damaging to reputation precisely because the psychosis is viewed as an endless cycle of hyperactivity and sleep, complicated by insomnia.
In contrast, anxiety that leads only to insomnia and hypomania is a milder psychosis which is manageable. For this is the world of productivity and benefits of social graces. One is valuable to his employer and his love for himself prevents him from making a bad choice and descending into the hell of bipolar psychosis.
Even though bipolar disorder is not as simple as this, as each person has a different aspect of the disorder, it is possible to simplify it into opposing pairs of good and bad since the disorder lends well to such a simple model.
For the bad life makes a hell of the symptoms of anxiety, insomnia, hypomania, mania and psychosis. In contrast the good life help to make those symptoms "go away" i.e. become manageable.
Due to anxiety, specifically worry, insomnia leads to an extended period of lost sleep. That lost sleep leads to more of the same. At some point, hypomania arises and then escalates into mania. Finally a psychosis develops and the world that one enters is known as "depression" where one swings between the extremes of sleep and of insomnia.
During the hypomania phase, one gets productive until it seems the world cannot stand for efficiency and "getting things done" since society has engineered the concept of "disposable" and the efficiency of "lasts forever" is not "good business".
Once efficiency and "doing good" becomes "bad business", one enters the manic stage and consistently does good, but achieves no success because a do-gooder is "bad for business" in today's fast-paced world.
Frustrated by increasing lack of success, the manic person may "burn out" and enter "a world of his own" in the psychotic phase. The main feature of this psychosis is the ability to sleep long hours and to rapidly cycle between it and insomnia with short bouts of hypomania, where one is productive and interfaces well with other people. One then regains some success as his "business reputation" is restored through productive conferences with his circle of friends.
However, it is possible for mania to recur IF his feelings of self worth are forgotten as his income declines. Rising income actually leads to remission of mania.
Through regular use of mild anxiolytic medications, his anxiety will be lowered to the point that insomnia is rare, but what he has learned about hypomania implies that the increased productivity and social connections outweighs the fatigue. For hypomania is the "good life" while mania is the "bad life".
Through therapy and reflective meditation, it is possible to choose the good life over the bad. What helps one make this choice wisely, preferring the good over the bad, is love. One loves himself so much that mania is seen as unproductive and damaging to reputation precisely because the psychosis is viewed as an endless cycle of hyperactivity and sleep, complicated by insomnia.
In contrast, anxiety that leads only to insomnia and hypomania is a milder psychosis which is manageable. For this is the world of productivity and benefits of social graces. One is valuable to his employer and his love for himself prevents him from making a bad choice and descending into the hell of bipolar psychosis.
Even though bipolar disorder is not as simple as this, as each person has a different aspect of the disorder, it is possible to simplify it into opposing pairs of good and bad since the disorder lends well to such a simple model.
For the bad life makes a hell of the symptoms of anxiety, insomnia, hypomania, mania and psychosis. In contrast the good life help to make those symptoms "go away" i.e. become manageable.
20100719
Meditation On Ignorance
First Truth
At the root of suffering (mental unrest) is dissatisfaction with life.
Second Truth
This mental unrest is rooted in ignorance about its cause in the past, craving for continued contact with feelings, and contact with the external world and the senses.
As a result, one clings to life to the point where one forgets the distinction between self and other.
Thus does one become attached to the world.
Indeed, this attachment to the world becomes so strong that one thinks of the mind and body as permanent in the form of the ego, and considers the personality to have identity independent of others.
In this way, mental unrest arises due to spiritual ignorance about the transient nature of everything including the ego.
Third Truth
So why not stop dissatisfaction with life by illumining ignorance with the wisdom of the Buddhadharma.
Fourth Truth
So as to quiet mental unrest, one practices appeasement of the ego through breath meditation.
For long-lasting stress relief, just be aware of breathing. Done daily, the positive benefits of breath meditation will last a lifetime.
Without restriction, this activity may be done anywhere. However, the quality of breathing is different because you are aware of it.
Indeed, relief of mental unrest is as easy as breathing.
Breath Meditation in Detail
One breathes through one's nose, inhaling positive energy and transforming it into spiritual light. In this light, all stress cannot escape; they are instead illumined and reveal their usefulness to you.
When illumined by meditation, anxiety is transformed into inspiration which turns fear into respect for that which is feared.
If one fears old age and death, the clear mind arising from meditation is able to reflect on growing respect for old age and death.
The Illumined Mind Reflects Easily on Dependent Arising
Indeed, once illumined the mind is able to reflect on dependent arising, and then develop respect for each of its twelve parts (ignorance, formations, consciousness, mind and body (personality or identity), the six sense bases (five physical senses and the mind), contact (between objects and the senses),feeling (registering the contact),craving (for continued contact), clinging, becoming (similar to formations), birth and old age & death).
Once the mind is calm, clear insight into dependent arising manifests itself. Indeed, one is able to validate its twelve conditions.
When one's mind is calm, mental unrest is replaced with calm insight into its root cause and its cure.
Meditation, the Ego and the Gift of Serenity
At this point, with stress forgotten, one is able to practice the deeper meditation needed to reduce dissatisfaction with life, which is the root of stress, mental unrest.
So as to relieve mental unrest, one reflects on ignorance and its relationship with clinging and craving.
This deeper meditation consists of reading the following text and reflecting on its deeper meaning:
What drives the heart and mind apart?
Craving and clinging:
ignorance bears fruit as ego.
What brings the heart and mind as one?
Not craving, not clinging:
wisdom bears fruit by letting go.
Having let go of the world, the mind
free of unrest is calm and serene,
being illuminated by wisdom
to the depths of its very heart.
Thus it is called the heart-mind.
Reference
Dependent arising: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prat%C4%ABtyasamutp%C4%81da
At the root of suffering (mental unrest) is dissatisfaction with life.
Second Truth
This mental unrest is rooted in ignorance about its cause in the past, craving for continued contact with feelings, and contact with the external world and the senses.
As a result, one clings to life to the point where one forgets the distinction between self and other.
Thus does one become attached to the world.
Indeed, this attachment to the world becomes so strong that one thinks of the mind and body as permanent in the form of the ego, and considers the personality to have identity independent of others.
In this way, mental unrest arises due to spiritual ignorance about the transient nature of everything including the ego.
Third Truth
So why not stop dissatisfaction with life by illumining ignorance with the wisdom of the Buddhadharma.
Fourth Truth
So as to quiet mental unrest, one practices appeasement of the ego through breath meditation.
For long-lasting stress relief, just be aware of breathing. Done daily, the positive benefits of breath meditation will last a lifetime.
Without restriction, this activity may be done anywhere. However, the quality of breathing is different because you are aware of it.
Indeed, relief of mental unrest is as easy as breathing.
Breath Meditation in Detail
One breathes through one's nose, inhaling positive energy and transforming it into spiritual light. In this light, all stress cannot escape; they are instead illumined and reveal their usefulness to you.
When illumined by meditation, anxiety is transformed into inspiration which turns fear into respect for that which is feared.
If one fears old age and death, the clear mind arising from meditation is able to reflect on growing respect for old age and death.
The Illumined Mind Reflects Easily on Dependent Arising
Indeed, once illumined the mind is able to reflect on dependent arising, and then develop respect for each of its twelve parts (ignorance, formations, consciousness, mind and body (personality or identity), the six sense bases (five physical senses and the mind), contact (between objects and the senses),feeling (registering the contact),craving (for continued contact), clinging, becoming (similar to formations), birth and old age & death).
Once the mind is calm, clear insight into dependent arising manifests itself. Indeed, one is able to validate its twelve conditions.
When one's mind is calm, mental unrest is replaced with calm insight into its root cause and its cure.
Meditation, the Ego and the Gift of Serenity
At this point, with stress forgotten, one is able to practice the deeper meditation needed to reduce dissatisfaction with life, which is the root of stress, mental unrest.
So as to relieve mental unrest, one reflects on ignorance and its relationship with clinging and craving.
This deeper meditation consists of reading the following text and reflecting on its deeper meaning:
What drives the heart and mind apart?
Craving and clinging:
ignorance bears fruit as ego.
What brings the heart and mind as one?
Not craving, not clinging:
wisdom bears fruit by letting go.
Having let go of the world, the mind
free of unrest is calm and serene,
being illuminated by wisdom
to the depths of its very heart.
Thus it is called the heart-mind.
Reference
Dependent arising: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prat%C4%ABtyasamutp%C4%81da
20100417
From Anti-Anxiety to Anxiety: Explanation of Overdose of Mesembrine
In this report on the effects of mesembrine, the author reports sedation usually from smoking kanna, but is naïve to the concentrated extract.
As well, he has a history of marijuana use and used the extract recreationally.
http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=68898
Commentary: Initially, mesembrine has SSRI-like effects in low doses. However, large doses may result in serotonin syndrome.
One of the symptom of serotonin syndrome is hypomania which has psychomotor agitation resulting from mental tension and anxiety.
It may be helpful to use a mild sedative such as diphenhydramine (Benadryl) when coming down from a large dose of mesembrine, except where it is counterindicated i.e. mixed drug use.
In that case, it may require a trip to the emergency ward of the local hospital for a strong and fast-acting sedative such as the benzodiazepines i.e. midazolam or the much safer dexmedetomidine (Precedex).
References:
Mesembrine: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mesembrine
Kanna: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sceletium_tortuosum
Serotonin syndrome: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serotonin_syndrome#Signs_and_symptoms
Midazolam: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midazolam
Dexmedetomidine: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dexmedetomidine
As well, he has a history of marijuana use and used the extract recreationally.
http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=68898
Commentary: Initially, mesembrine has SSRI-like effects in low doses. However, large doses may result in serotonin syndrome.
One of the symptom of serotonin syndrome is hypomania which has psychomotor agitation resulting from mental tension and anxiety.
It may be helpful to use a mild sedative such as diphenhydramine (Benadryl) when coming down from a large dose of mesembrine, except where it is counterindicated i.e. mixed drug use.
In that case, it may require a trip to the emergency ward of the local hospital for a strong and fast-acting sedative such as the benzodiazepines i.e. midazolam or the much safer dexmedetomidine (Precedex).
References:
Mesembrine: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mesembrine
Kanna: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sceletium_tortuosum
Serotonin syndrome: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serotonin_syndrome#Signs_and_symptoms
Midazolam: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midazolam
Dexmedetomidine: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dexmedetomidine
20100416
"All who enter here seek help from those who care"
April 8, 2010: Last week, I saw my doctor after three years during which I lost a phone, resisted temptation of drink, and got used to managing my limited finances on my own. After describing my depression to him in detail, he set up an appointment to do a complete assessment the following week.
April 15, 2010
During that assessment, I found it difficult to describe my depression in detail due to the inhibition which a sound sleep provides me. This is consistent with borderline personality disorder; it's also consistent with the anger which arises from having to wait a half hour for an appointment in a walk-in clinic.
Eventually, I got a prescription for hydroxyzine for use as a sleep aid because I managed to convince my doctor that my experience with antihistamines has been positive and safe. In addition, the doctor gave me a contact number to get into therapy at the Mental Health Centre (MHC).
Before describing my week since the doctor's appointment, IMHO the Mental Health Centre is not unlike the entrance in Danté's Inferno, the doorway over which there is a sign that reads: "All who enter here seek help from those who care".
Later on Thurday is when I first entered the hell preceding therapy, which consists of much waiting, coupled with frustration. First, my cell phone decided to grow silent, so I'd missed a call from the social worker at the MHC.
Friday April 16, 2010: Friday is not the day for people about to enter into the hell of phone tag, followed by hours of silence as the social worker is able to handle other people who were worse off than I.
It's possible too that she is perturbed by the three calls I made to get assessed by her. As well, IMHO she may be the same social worker who met me at the local Surrey hospital in 2004 after my head injury.
Professionals of all walks of life tend to be intimidated when my expectation of a timely response is not satisfied. This even includes paraprofessionals.
Suffice it to say, that I am building the castle like a neurotic - and briefly living in it too.
However, the pluses are: I exhibited patience, but after 5 hours of waiting, found myself verbalizing my frustrations by repeating phrases aloud which normally I would only think of once and conduct myself responsibly. This is a neurotic abreaction to unrealistic expectations regarding the Mental Health Centre.
My solution was to check bases with my roommate, and he confirmed that the wait period may be long before the social worker returns your call. This is a plus, too.
I'll still fill the prescription when the monthly welfare check arrives. Both the prescription and the check are pluses.
Another plus is remembering how to consciously breathe as part of meditation. That reduces all the stress from waiting for help by an underfunded Ministry of Mental Health and Addictions.
Yet the most satisfying plus is witnessing the blooming of spring.
20090917
High-THC Cannabis The Real Problem
I am a firm believer that, while stoned, I - like Fitz Hugh Ludlow - understands more fully “the soul’s capacity for a broader being, deeper insight, grander views of Beauty, Truth and Good" than I now gain through the chinks of my cell i.e. the six senses... of sight, hearing, touch, smelling, tasting and thought (mind).
Indeed, I believe that at the same time, I am rendered delusional by THC, and hallucinate that I am more creative while "high" on the cannaboids precisely because of the high THC levels in marijuana.
What I am then suggesting is, that is the CBD which is the creative muse, NOT THC!
Proof of this is that nobody who's rendered anxious and near-psychotic while under the influence THC is truly creative.
For it is the sedative powers of CBD which cures us of THC's ability to incapacitate us with hallucinations.
If we did not have the calming, Zen-like qualities of CBD to stabilize the pseudo-schizophrenic reaction to THC, our minds would be blown like a series of acid trips, evolving from benign to bad.
As well, we'd be too incapacitated by anxiety and flashbacks to actually create.
And all it takes is one (1) deep puff of the ganja to begin this rocky road to abuse.
Even so, I am not saying marijuana is bad for you; what I am saying is that I am calling THC a one-way ticket to Hell.
For it is CBD which will bring you back from your own self-created Hell.
Finally I will urge that we ban high-THC marijuana and grow only strains which have equal parts of CBD and THC, for the good of us all.
Indeed, I believe that at the same time, I am rendered delusional by THC, and hallucinate that I am more creative while "high" on the cannaboids precisely because of the high THC levels in marijuana.
What I am then suggesting is, that is the CBD which is the creative muse, NOT THC!
Proof of this is that nobody who's rendered anxious and near-psychotic while under the influence THC is truly creative.
For it is the sedative powers of CBD which cures us of THC's ability to incapacitate us with hallucinations.
If we did not have the calming, Zen-like qualities of CBD to stabilize the pseudo-schizophrenic reaction to THC, our minds would be blown like a series of acid trips, evolving from benign to bad.
As well, we'd be too incapacitated by anxiety and flashbacks to actually create.
And all it takes is one (1) deep puff of the ganja to begin this rocky road to abuse.
Even so, I am not saying marijuana is bad for you; what I am saying is that I am calling THC a one-way ticket to Hell.
For it is CBD which will bring you back from your own self-created Hell.
Finally I will urge that we ban high-THC marijuana and grow only strains which have equal parts of CBD and THC, for the good of us all.
20080621
Fear as root and symptom of psychoses
Fear leads to insomnia, which leads to hypomania which evolves into mania, and finally psychosis.
This only refers to irrational fears, not the fear reaction to imminent threat which lead to flight-or-fight response.
Anxiety appears to be both root and symptom of fear, and usually indicates anxiety of an unvoiced fear.
Phobias are when both anxiety and fear form a complex set of behaviors related to an object of fear with anxiety on exposure.
Desensitization of the object of fear and positive rationalization about the anxiety and fear leads to evolution from anxiety and fear to relief through calmness, peace of mind and serenity.
Thus it is possible to transform both anxiety and fear into healthy action i.e. ignoring the stimuli.
This only refers to irrational fears, not the fear reaction to imminent threat which lead to flight-or-fight response.
Anxiety appears to be both root and symptom of fear, and usually indicates anxiety of an unvoiced fear.
Phobias are when both anxiety and fear form a complex set of behaviors related to an object of fear with anxiety on exposure.
Desensitization of the object of fear and positive rationalization about the anxiety and fear leads to evolution from anxiety and fear to relief through calmness, peace of mind and serenity.
Thus it is possible to transform both anxiety and fear into healthy action i.e. ignoring the stimuli.
20070213
Margaret Trudeau says quitting marijuana helped mental health
Quitting cannabis has been an important part of her recovery from mental illness, Margaret Trudeau said Monday at a press conference in Vancouver for the Canadian Mental Health Association's upcoming Bottom Line Conference.
Trudeau, who suffers from bipolar disorder, spoke openly with reporters about her experience with depression and the effect of her long-term marijuana use.
Margaret Trudeau went on to claim that marijuna can trigger psychosis. However, this is inaccurate. What THC, the psychoactive drug in marijuana, may do is trigger anxiety. It is the user's reaction to that anxiety which leads to psychosis, not marijuana itself.
While paranoid thought may be a result of such anxiety, the fear of being caught intoxicated is more of the reason for paranoia than THC itself.
Therefore marijuana does not cause psychosis. Maladaptation to anxiety about one's substance abuse is more directly causal to possible psychosis than taking 200 micrograms of THC.
Compare this to a man being found out about his online time spent exclusively surfing for porn. If he knows it to be wrong to spend so much time online, and discovers he is being shamed by looking at porn, he may exhibit anxiety which may result in agitation, anger, and sometimes irrational behaviors associated with guilt. Thus he will act guilty and get upset, perhaps even exhibiting rage and possible brief psychosis.
So in Margaret Trudeay's case, she may have gotten high on pot, been caught by paparazzi and discovered her pictures in national tabloid with guilt-inducing headlines.
I would attribute her crises to public censure more than to occasional use of marijuana.
However, quitting pot did help Ms. Trudeau manage her bipolar disorder by reducing risk of anxiety. Thus, being drug free does improve mental health.
Trudeau, who suffers from bipolar disorder, spoke openly with reporters about her experience with depression and the effect of her long-term marijuana use.
Margaret Trudeau went on to claim that marijuna can trigger psychosis. However, this is inaccurate. What THC, the psychoactive drug in marijuana, may do is trigger anxiety. It is the user's reaction to that anxiety which leads to psychosis, not marijuana itself.
While paranoid thought may be a result of such anxiety, the fear of being caught intoxicated is more of the reason for paranoia than THC itself.
Therefore marijuana does not cause psychosis. Maladaptation to anxiety about one's substance abuse is more directly causal to possible psychosis than taking 200 micrograms of THC.
Compare this to a man being found out about his online time spent exclusively surfing for porn. If he knows it to be wrong to spend so much time online, and discovers he is being shamed by looking at porn, he may exhibit anxiety which may result in agitation, anger, and sometimes irrational behaviors associated with guilt. Thus he will act guilty and get upset, perhaps even exhibiting rage and possible brief psychosis.
So in Margaret Trudeay's case, she may have gotten high on pot, been caught by paparazzi and discovered her pictures in national tabloid with guilt-inducing headlines.
I would attribute her crises to public censure more than to occasional use of marijuana.
However, quitting pot did help Ms. Trudeau manage her bipolar disorder by reducing risk of anxiety. Thus, being drug free does improve mental health.
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