June 11, 2010
Disclaimer: this is a legitimate use of mirtazapine by prescription without abuse or intent to abuse the drug.
I've been prescribed mirtazapine (Remeron) initially by the Mental Health Centre's shrink, 60 tablets @ 15 mg each for depression. When I first took Remeron, I felt tired (sedated) and fell asleep. The next day it took me two hours to wake up. That was May 12.
Over the next few weeks, I got used to the sedation, and took the dose as described: 15 mg at bedtime, 7.5 mg on rising and 7.5 mg 4-6 hours later.
Currently, with the Remeron regiment of 30 mg a day in 4 divided doses, I am in top mental condition compared to a month ago, 3 months ago and even 6 months ago. With the Remeron came periods of fatigue where it's best not to read a book but just await the passing of tiredness.
However, this drug helped me deal with anxiety, which I tested by facing my fear of heights by crossing a pedestrian bridge without any sign of fear.
Yet most of the day I am inspired to read a lot (first 6, then 5, and now 4 books). Once I got used to the tiredness, my self-motivation increased. This may have been due to both the change in season from spring to summer, but mirtazapine augmented my normally calm exterior and freed me of depression.
It's been 4 weeks or so since I filled my first prescription of 60 15 mg Remeron, of which are 22 pills remaining.
During those four weeks, I went from 106 lbs to 114 lbs. So due to the mirtazapine, my weight has increased by almost 8 percent. At this rate, in a year I would have gained over 100 lbs. (20140126: I now weigh 127 lbs, but stopped mirtazapine in December 2012. Going to bed late may contribute to weight gain. YMMV)
So, a diet plan is in order; in short, I need an energy-burning exercise regime to counteract the weight I am packing on. Since I gain about 1 kg every week, this means I consume about 2000+ calories a day and retain 6-7 percent of those calories as body fat.
Most definitely those carbs need to be dumped for more healthy fats and protein. (20150126: It seems like Remeron might cause OCD.)
Hunger due to anticholinergic effect caused by mirtazapine (Remeron) usually has a psychological basis.
Usually we stuff our mouths because we hunger for companionship. This side effect in essence may mean that antihistamines may worsen feelings of depression and loneliness. However, that hunger could be displaced as increased self esteem and attendant self confidence i.e. 'gives you balls' when feelings of emptiness are counteracted by realization that emptiness is the root of interdependence.
Thus, motivation to moderate hunger may be sought through social networking, mainly off-line. In becoming sociable, one may learn how to control one's eating habits.
But I digress.
Remeron may improve your mind enough to make sense of depression and addiction. Anxiety is indirectly relieved by Remeron; more likely the person's mental habits are more at fault here than the drug. or both anxiety and depression may be affects of the human condition.
As for depression, the almost absolute calm which Remeron brings to the mental health consumer may be mistaken for depression because one may forget that happiness is the product of one's own mind, rather than the result of external circumstances.
Most definitely, this is better than using Remeron recreationally.
Update: November 21, 2012
Everything about mirtazapine and its anti-histamine effects are true. After tasting it for 6 months, IMO it has strong sedative properties which work fine for relieving depression and anxiety, which leads to preventing psychoses.
However, the rest of the description of mirtazapine at Wikipedia is plain horse shit.
Why? Because it's speculative and not based on the horrible but messy testing of rats and other creatures that can't talk.
The mirtazapine related drugs are mainly sedatives of the antihistamine class which do work for mild depression and anxiety mainly by sedation.
The other side effect of anti-histamine drugs is in large doses, the dopamine and noradrenaline effect kick in but without any psychoses because you need lots of insomnia to see things and hear things.
Though you do get a little of the physical effects which is similar to anti-psychotics side effect of akathasia but reversible. Akathasia is the worst case of anxiety with physical symptoms. In my case, when I was anxious, I'd rotate my wrists and twiddle my thumbs. I did that a lot in crowds with my hands in my jacket pockets.
However, I had the experience of listening to a psychiatrist describe SSRI side effects when mirtazapine has no such thing. The serotonin response to an SSRI is anxiety, nervousness, nausea and sometimes even vomiting.
Mirtazapine, however, is used to prevent those symptoms as it is a strong but safe sedative, making it superior to OTC antihistamines. In fact, it is used as a sedative to counteract SSRI side effects.
So forget the Wikipedia description of mirtazapine regarding the speculation of how it works. Its strong antihistamine effect makes whatever it does for the effect on noradrenalin and dopamine seem weak in comparison.
Even so, as I said before, social interaction in public relieves most effects of anxiety but subtly motivates one to stop choosing behaviors that lead to depression, including sleeping until afternoon and staying up all night.
YMMV
Originally posted on June 11, 2010 at 0228H PDT
Wikipedia article on mirtazapine:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/mirtazapine
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
20140805
What My Sex is Like in my Head (satire)
In public I sometimes behave like a socially inept 12-year-old. Some women who observe me get anxious, and ignore me. Other women try to maintain oblivious serenity. A few of them are disgusted with my "attitude."
Then I go home, sleep less than six hours a night, and is a willing captive of the manic libido!
Why? Because it beats the sadness inherent in depression, the anxiety about my lack of a sexual relationship.
Indeed, I especially loathe the social isolation that consistently befalls me after getting 6-10 hours of "normal" sleep at night.
For me, life isn't fulfilling because no woman is willing to cross the threshold and get to know me intimately.
Do I have to plan the seeds of passion into her mind to inflame her heart so that she crosses the line which separates us? I think not: no woman in her right mind wants to cross that boundary because she is safe living her life on her own terms without me.
She does not wish to share a life together with me for the same reason that I used to enjoy sleeping until noon: its safety socially isolates each of us from being intimate lest all hell break loose. This is also why women fear having mad sex without regret, because they loathe casual sex for its lack of a long-term relationship.
To most women, sex and intimacy is tied to a relationship which leads to a family. Thus sex for them is a means to an end: having children and mainly, companionship with a suitable lover and perhap a husband.
For men, sex is about lowering the blood pressure and rewarding their mate for picking them to protect them from other men. Women however call this reason for sex "selfish", ignoring the simple fact that their family-mindedness may be a mind game that they create for themselves to justify enjoying sex to the fullest.
In my humble opinion, women think about sex more often than men, but convince their men that their selfish sex is sexist whilst hold family-mindedness as the highest of human virtues. This is the work of the libido, not a rational mind.
For love is tied to our emotions and feelings about sex and relationships. They cannot help but be.
Indeed, libido is both the motivator of our feelings and emotions to use said feelings to establish emotional ties so that the mind does not turn to the dark side (depression) and cause a person to become socially isolated from family, friends and loved ones.
We fear loneliness so much that we ignore the fact that we spend most of our lives alone, shaking off the stress caused by the resulting anxieties.
This is why my sex activity is all in my head, while my hand is beating a tattoo to the south! >:)
Original post: September 1, 2011 at 6:27 PM
Reference:
Hypersexuality: http://bipolar.about.com/cs/hypersex/a/aa_hypersex.htm
Then I go home, sleep less than six hours a night, and is a willing captive of the manic libido!
Why? Because it beats the sadness inherent in depression, the anxiety about my lack of a sexual relationship.
Indeed, I especially loathe the social isolation that consistently befalls me after getting 6-10 hours of "normal" sleep at night.
For me, life isn't fulfilling because no woman is willing to cross the threshold and get to know me intimately.
Do I have to plan the seeds of passion into her mind to inflame her heart so that she crosses the line which separates us? I think not: no woman in her right mind wants to cross that boundary because she is safe living her life on her own terms without me.
She does not wish to share a life together with me for the same reason that I used to enjoy sleeping until noon: its safety socially isolates each of us from being intimate lest all hell break loose. This is also why women fear having mad sex without regret, because they loathe casual sex for its lack of a long-term relationship.
To most women, sex and intimacy is tied to a relationship which leads to a family. Thus sex for them is a means to an end: having children and mainly, companionship with a suitable lover and perhap a husband.
For men, sex is about lowering the blood pressure and rewarding their mate for picking them to protect them from other men. Women however call this reason for sex "selfish", ignoring the simple fact that their family-mindedness may be a mind game that they create for themselves to justify enjoying sex to the fullest.
In my humble opinion, women think about sex more often than men, but convince their men that their selfish sex is sexist whilst hold family-mindedness as the highest of human virtues. This is the work of the libido, not a rational mind.
For love is tied to our emotions and feelings about sex and relationships. They cannot help but be.
Indeed, libido is both the motivator of our feelings and emotions to use said feelings to establish emotional ties so that the mind does not turn to the dark side (depression) and cause a person to become socially isolated from family, friends and loved ones.
We fear loneliness so much that we ignore the fact that we spend most of our lives alone, shaking off the stress caused by the resulting anxieties.
This is why my sex activity is all in my head, while my hand is beating a tattoo to the south! >:)
Original post: September 1, 2011 at 6:27 PM
Reference:
Hypersexuality: http://bipolar.about.com/cs/hypersex/a/aa_hypersex.htm
20140201
Insomnia and Its Effect on Borderline Personality (satire)
This article is related to what I read about borderline personality disorder e.g. the ability to idealize or fantasize about another person without even have to interact with them.
However, I am also writing this article because I don't like imagining how life would be without Googleplus. It'd be fit as a Hollywood script but most of the plots I have seen on TV or on the big screen are unrealistic, except maybe for Criminal Minds.
Sometimes borderline people would have a fantasized relationship where it all exists in her imagination.
I think our grandparents used to call it daydreaming.
Mundanes seem to ignore their fantasies unless they are in the same room with each other.
Perhaps a few of the emo kids fit the typical borderline personality disorder, which can mimic all the other mental disorders, though not the mood disorders.
A borderline person would have to have a real mood disorder, though the hysterical suicide attempts usually are not fatal, unless they cut too deeply and other morbid stuff like that.
I am pretty lucky to have been born Asian and Buddhist. When diagnosed in 1991 with borderline, my doctor and I agreed the medication route would not be in my best interest, in light of the fact that SSRIs do not work on a personality disorder.
Most doctors often mistake the side effect of akathisia for anxiety and wrong-mindedly choose to up the SSRI dosage, which causes more akathisia.
If such restlessness is present, then it might feel like anxiety but anxiety has one hidden feature to it: it is due to anger that is so suppressed it comes out as a panic attack rather than rage.
Akathisia may lead to thoughts of suicide and morbid ideation about suicide choices. Usually that happens when a dose is missed or doubled.
Thus the additional SSRI dosage could cause a crisis.
However, there is a solution: 15-30 mg of Remeron, which is a antihistamine based sedative. However the mental health consumer can encounter sleep-eating experiences on the higher dose (30mg).
Personally, I think an orgasm could solve more of the mental health issues since a few severely mentally ill American women on the self help web forums are so jaded from past failed relationships, they don't want to handle a relationship anymore. Possibly they got fed up with men. I do not doubt a lot of them become lesbians, but don't have a healthy sex life because they are too ill to enjoy it anymore.
Mainly because the pleasure feels more like pain, though I am certain Lexapro and Celexa have mild painkiller effect.
Guys are not built like that. If the little head anticipate a sexual encounter, the libido will kick in and rule their lives. E.g. the 40 yr old man who gets 25 yr old mistress and lies to his wife about the lipstick on his collar.
Though I have heard of a marriage that led to divorce because the wife was a homophobe who didn't understand her husband's bisexual urges. Scary.
Yet us guys do not think girl-girl sex is inherently gay unless they are both lesbians. Often though, one of the so-called lesbian is a bisexual in the closet.
I can see a lesbian blow up if her bisexual lady lover get a little dick on the sly and accidentally gets pregnant. She would be hurt her lover didn't at least introduce him.
As a rule, misogynist males and androphobic women are extremes. Yes, men haters and women haters are extremes and thus rare. For most people, hate does not ferment into bigotry because it's just unthinkable.
However, we tend to have neurotic tendencies, while the narcissistic person could be our worst nightmare.
Indeed, neuroses are NORMAL. Depression is a normal reaction to negativity in a person's life. Anxiety is a normal reaction to repressed anger that morphs into a panic attack or "the inability to leave the house to the point of coming up with excuses never to leave the house" aka agoraphobia, which too is a neurosis of the worst kind.
As long as a person isn't self harming, be it drug addictions or worse, cutting, neuroses will rarely kill you, with the rare exception of being scared to death.
I like all people in my circles on Googleplus. Your humor might outrage my mom so I like you even more.
Personally though I find horror movies to be hilarious. I know what real blood looks like. Most of the fake blood in horror does not get close to the real thing. However, I am grateful for that because then horror would stop being funny.
It might be my personality to laugh under stress like embarrassment or fear.
If you look over my earlier post on Blogspot about my mental health, then you'd learn that I got diagnosed in 1991.
Today I am certain that psychiatrist just wanted to convince me into thinking I was schizo-something. Schizoaffective which is comorbid with a mood disorder appears with schizophrenic symptoms of paranoia and hallucinations. Schizotypal indicates probable schizophrenic symptoms when under stress. Since schizotypy refers to eccentricities of personality, it is stress that causes the initial effects of schizotypal disorder before adulthood.
After adulthood, all it takes is a drug addiction to hide anxiety and depression. Since alcohol and tobacco is legal, these drugs are often used to self-medicate by people who eventually become mentally ill. Though both of them need careful moderation to reduce side-effects.
According to the anti-marijuana propaganda, smoking lots of marijuana before adulthood leads to anxiety, which presents as temporary paranoia in full-blown anxiety attacks. Indeed, in a certain portion of users, marijuana is known to induce feelings of paranoia and can cause hallucinations which will make an anxious person freak out.
An example is the 911 call by that cop who share a doob with his wife. He complained of experiencing time slowing down and wondered if he was going to die. It makes me wonder if he checked out what the side effects of THC are. Erowid is your friend for that.
So I got diagnosed with borderline personality. Since I have chosen to treat the insomnia rather than the borderline symptoms, the disorder is less of a problem and more of a blessing.
Since borderline is associated with the myth of a flawed personality, perhaps in my case it is a bogus diagnosis. The European description of the same disorder is called Emotionally Unstable Disorder. Both descriptions are stigmatizing. It's still in the DSM-V because shrinks plan to make a lot of money diagnosing hysterical people, once they filter out the funny kind of hysterics.
Emo kids would fit the borderline diagnosis, even the ones that learn to cut from their mentally ill peers who probably suffer depression and anxiety. I'm certain depression could result psychotic thoughts about suicide if a kid's anxiety keeps her homebound.
Me, I'm on two absolutely safe drugs I can get by script, Neurontin (gabapentin; low dose of 200 mg daily for neurasthenia-related pain) and Flexeril (cyclobenzaprine; 10 mg daily for pain from osteoarthrosis of left shoulder). Additionally, I also take two amino acids, lysine for anxiety and arginine for the cardiovascular system. Then there is n-acetyl cysteine (NAC) for liver detoxification (500 mg daily), Vitamins B-50 for stress, C (500+ mg) and D (1000+ IU daily) for the immune system, Calcium (350 mg daily; works in synergy with Vitamin C and lysine for bones and collagen formation), and Ocuvite (to preserve eyesight).
As well, I have recently confirmed the diagnosis of borderline personality because one of my friends in my circles has blocked me due to taking an earlier edition of this rant too seriously. Since this is good material for a blog post, I have edited the private rant to target a great audience.
Most of this article was written earlier in January while suffering insomnia. The reason why it jumps all over the place because it is a rant — not an essay — about living with my borderline personality.
I am glad to have found friends within most of my circles on GooglePlus and appreciate the silent yet sometimes vocal support from my circles on GooglePlus. Currently, I have just woken up an hour ago to post this article after editing it into what you are reading now. Since using the lysine and arginine (1000 mg each) for the past week, I have been getting enough sleep at night.
My motive for writing this rant in its current form is to document what living with my borderline personality is like on my worst days. Sleep hygiene is important in reducing stress, which keeps the dark side of the personality at bay. YMMV.
For your entertainment, I present the following video playlists to show you how I make light with my borderline personality.
First I dance...
And dance some more...
And dance yet again...
Though I've been too busy to dance with work and all.
Sometimes I make music...
Most of the time, I blog and have been on Blogspot for eleven years. Blogging serves as a creative outlet for me. Sometimes an article is popular, but often it is not. I am clueless to what actually works, but realize that none of these article I write are cast in stone.
That means when I find an article needs references, it'll get references and more rhetoric added based on those references. In the case of this article, the tags and the videos above are all that is needed.
Reference:
My Mental Health So Far: http://gandhara.blogspot.com/2014/01/my-mental-health-so-far-satire.html
However, I am also writing this article because I don't like imagining how life would be without Googleplus. It'd be fit as a Hollywood script but most of the plots I have seen on TV or on the big screen are unrealistic, except maybe for Criminal Minds.
Sometimes borderline people would have a fantasized relationship where it all exists in her imagination.
I think our grandparents used to call it daydreaming.
Mundanes seem to ignore their fantasies unless they are in the same room with each other.
Perhaps a few of the emo kids fit the typical borderline personality disorder, which can mimic all the other mental disorders, though not the mood disorders.
A borderline person would have to have a real mood disorder, though the hysterical suicide attempts usually are not fatal, unless they cut too deeply and other morbid stuff like that.
I am pretty lucky to have been born Asian and Buddhist. When diagnosed in 1991 with borderline, my doctor and I agreed the medication route would not be in my best interest, in light of the fact that SSRIs do not work on a personality disorder.
Most doctors often mistake the side effect of akathisia for anxiety and wrong-mindedly choose to up the SSRI dosage, which causes more akathisia.
If such restlessness is present, then it might feel like anxiety but anxiety has one hidden feature to it: it is due to anger that is so suppressed it comes out as a panic attack rather than rage.
Akathisia may lead to thoughts of suicide and morbid ideation about suicide choices. Usually that happens when a dose is missed or doubled.
Thus the additional SSRI dosage could cause a crisis.
However, there is a solution: 15-30 mg of Remeron, which is a antihistamine based sedative. However the mental health consumer can encounter sleep-eating experiences on the higher dose (30mg).
Personally, I think an orgasm could solve more of the mental health issues since a few severely mentally ill American women on the self help web forums are so jaded from past failed relationships, they don't want to handle a relationship anymore. Possibly they got fed up with men. I do not doubt a lot of them become lesbians, but don't have a healthy sex life because they are too ill to enjoy it anymore.
Mainly because the pleasure feels more like pain, though I am certain Lexapro and Celexa have mild painkiller effect.
Guys are not built like that. If the little head anticipate a sexual encounter, the libido will kick in and rule their lives. E.g. the 40 yr old man who gets 25 yr old mistress and lies to his wife about the lipstick on his collar.
Though I have heard of a marriage that led to divorce because the wife was a homophobe who didn't understand her husband's bisexual urges. Scary.
Yet us guys do not think girl-girl sex is inherently gay unless they are both lesbians. Often though, one of the so-called lesbian is a bisexual in the closet.
I can see a lesbian blow up if her bisexual lady lover get a little dick on the sly and accidentally gets pregnant. She would be hurt her lover didn't at least introduce him.
As a rule, misogynist males and androphobic women are extremes. Yes, men haters and women haters are extremes and thus rare. For most people, hate does not ferment into bigotry because it's just unthinkable.
However, we tend to have neurotic tendencies, while the narcissistic person could be our worst nightmare.
Indeed, neuroses are NORMAL. Depression is a normal reaction to negativity in a person's life. Anxiety is a normal reaction to repressed anger that morphs into a panic attack or "the inability to leave the house to the point of coming up with excuses never to leave the house" aka agoraphobia, which too is a neurosis of the worst kind.
As long as a person isn't self harming, be it drug addictions or worse, cutting, neuroses will rarely kill you, with the rare exception of being scared to death.
I like all people in my circles on Googleplus. Your humor might outrage my mom so I like you even more.
Personally though I find horror movies to be hilarious. I know what real blood looks like. Most of the fake blood in horror does not get close to the real thing. However, I am grateful for that because then horror would stop being funny.
It might be my personality to laugh under stress like embarrassment or fear.
If you look over my earlier post on Blogspot about my mental health, then you'd learn that I got diagnosed in 1991.
Today I am certain that psychiatrist just wanted to convince me into thinking I was schizo-something. Schizoaffective which is comorbid with a mood disorder appears with schizophrenic symptoms of paranoia and hallucinations. Schizotypal indicates probable schizophrenic symptoms when under stress. Since schizotypy refers to eccentricities of personality, it is stress that causes the initial effects of schizotypal disorder before adulthood.
After adulthood, all it takes is a drug addiction to hide anxiety and depression. Since alcohol and tobacco is legal, these drugs are often used to self-medicate by people who eventually become mentally ill. Though both of them need careful moderation to reduce side-effects.
According to the anti-marijuana propaganda, smoking lots of marijuana before adulthood leads to anxiety, which presents as temporary paranoia in full-blown anxiety attacks. Indeed, in a certain portion of users, marijuana is known to induce feelings of paranoia and can cause hallucinations which will make an anxious person freak out.
An example is the 911 call by that cop who share a doob with his wife. He complained of experiencing time slowing down and wondered if he was going to die. It makes me wonder if he checked out what the side effects of THC are. Erowid is your friend for that.
So I got diagnosed with borderline personality. Since I have chosen to treat the insomnia rather than the borderline symptoms, the disorder is less of a problem and more of a blessing.
Since borderline is associated with the myth of a flawed personality, perhaps in my case it is a bogus diagnosis. The European description of the same disorder is called Emotionally Unstable Disorder. Both descriptions are stigmatizing. It's still in the DSM-V because shrinks plan to make a lot of money diagnosing hysterical people, once they filter out the funny kind of hysterics.
Emo kids would fit the borderline diagnosis, even the ones that learn to cut from their mentally ill peers who probably suffer depression and anxiety. I'm certain depression could result psychotic thoughts about suicide if a kid's anxiety keeps her homebound.
Me, I'm on two absolutely safe drugs I can get by script, Neurontin (gabapentin; low dose of 200 mg daily for neurasthenia-related pain) and Flexeril (cyclobenzaprine; 10 mg daily for pain from osteoarthrosis of left shoulder). Additionally, I also take two amino acids, lysine for anxiety and arginine for the cardiovascular system. Then there is n-acetyl cysteine (NAC) for liver detoxification (500 mg daily), Vitamins B-50 for stress, C (500+ mg) and D (1000+ IU daily) for the immune system, Calcium (350 mg daily; works in synergy with Vitamin C and lysine for bones and collagen formation), and Ocuvite (to preserve eyesight).
As well, I have recently confirmed the diagnosis of borderline personality because one of my friends in my circles has blocked me due to taking an earlier edition of this rant too seriously. Since this is good material for a blog post, I have edited the private rant to target a great audience.
Most of this article was written earlier in January while suffering insomnia. The reason why it jumps all over the place because it is a rant — not an essay — about living with my borderline personality.
I am glad to have found friends within most of my circles on GooglePlus and appreciate the silent yet sometimes vocal support from my circles on GooglePlus. Currently, I have just woken up an hour ago to post this article after editing it into what you are reading now. Since using the lysine and arginine (1000 mg each) for the past week, I have been getting enough sleep at night.
My motive for writing this rant in its current form is to document what living with my borderline personality is like on my worst days. Sleep hygiene is important in reducing stress, which keeps the dark side of the personality at bay. YMMV.
For your entertainment, I present the following video playlists to show you how I make light with my borderline personality.
First I dance...
And dance some more...
And dance yet again...
Though I've been too busy to dance with work and all.
Sometimes I make music...
Most of the time, I blog and have been on Blogspot for eleven years. Blogging serves as a creative outlet for me. Sometimes an article is popular, but often it is not. I am clueless to what actually works, but realize that none of these article I write are cast in stone.
That means when I find an article needs references, it'll get references and more rhetoric added based on those references. In the case of this article, the tags and the videos above are all that is needed.
Reference:
My Mental Health So Far: http://gandhara.blogspot.com/2014/01/my-mental-health-so-far-satire.html
20140108
Seclusion: Overcoming Social Isolation (satire)
Since social isolation causes psychological pain, another question must be addressed: "Why do seemingly normal people isolate themselves from society?"
Back on October 10, 2003 at 2:55 AM I wrote:
Seclusion is necessary, for 25% of our lives - since each of us do need time alone to reflect on their lives. To be in the presence of others for extended periods of time, one would have to give up a lot of privacy. As well, a highly socialized person would feel comfortable in the presence of other people.
However, a person who spends more than 50% of his time alone values his privacy. Of course, he is never alone totally since he will have to interact with merchants, his landlord, and even his own family.
Most likely, he may suffer from being alone, socially isolated from other people.
Overall, I wish to spend more time with people I have grown to love, and to learn to respect those of them who have caused me the most pain, since usually they turn out to be the most beloved of all the people to whom I have bonded.
Update: January 8, 2014 at 2006H
Few people can readily adapt to social isolation without suffering depression. I learned that knowing people care actually helped me recover.
Over the past decade, I have learned to respect my family.
It turns out that most the pain I attributed to my family was self-inflicted, being regret at not being able to live up to unrealistic expectations that arose in response to not being told what those expectations are.
Today, I have chosen one realistic expectation of myself, which is keep my expectations low enough to meet the demand of the day.
While most of my time is still spent alone, it is well spent outside the confines of my own home.
As a result, I feel that seclusion is time well spent being alone to reflect on my life. It also has become easier to spend the other 75% of my time in the presence of other people.
Even so, I only a little privacy over the past decade.
Of course, the lowest part of my life was circa 2010-2011. However, I have recovered from the worst of social isolation, which may have resulted in depression and much psychic pain, pain that affected my psyche to the point of procrastination and questioning my very existence.
After a year of therapy, the most important inspiration came from my psychotherapist when he told me, "You would never go to the Emergency Ward suffering from a complete mental breakdown." I interpret this to mean that I would take care of myself to prevent depression from taking over my life completely.
Indeed, once free from therapy, my life has been improving slowly but surely. Today, I know how to cope with sitting in my room by spending my time online, writing a blog, making music, and reading.
As well, I meditate from time to time, according to my time schedule, especially when spending time online. Every ninety minutes or so, I either meditate, have a snack, or read a book.
At the moment, I am in recovery from depression. This means I have developed the skills needed to cope with life, along with proper sleep hygiene (in bed no later than 2 AM), regular exercise, and meditation.
Today, it's not 2010 anymore. It's 2014, and the year has only begun.
And I am thankful to all the friends I made along the way.
Back on October 10, 2003 at 2:55 AM I wrote:
Seclusion is necessary, for 25% of our lives - since each of us do need time alone to reflect on their lives. To be in the presence of others for extended periods of time, one would have to give up a lot of privacy. As well, a highly socialized person would feel comfortable in the presence of other people.
However, a person who spends more than 50% of his time alone values his privacy. Of course, he is never alone totally since he will have to interact with merchants, his landlord, and even his own family.
Most likely, he may suffer from being alone, socially isolated from other people.
Overall, I wish to spend more time with people I have grown to love, and to learn to respect those of them who have caused me the most pain, since usually they turn out to be the most beloved of all the people to whom I have bonded.
Update: January 8, 2014 at 2006H
Few people can readily adapt to social isolation without suffering depression. I learned that knowing people care actually helped me recover.
Over the past decade, I have learned to respect my family.
It turns out that most the pain I attributed to my family was self-inflicted, being regret at not being able to live up to unrealistic expectations that arose in response to not being told what those expectations are.
Today, I have chosen one realistic expectation of myself, which is keep my expectations low enough to meet the demand of the day.
While most of my time is still spent alone, it is well spent outside the confines of my own home.
As a result, I feel that seclusion is time well spent being alone to reflect on my life. It also has become easier to spend the other 75% of my time in the presence of other people.
Even so, I only a little privacy over the past decade.
Of course, the lowest part of my life was circa 2010-2011. However, I have recovered from the worst of social isolation, which may have resulted in depression and much psychic pain, pain that affected my psyche to the point of procrastination and questioning my very existence.
After a year of therapy, the most important inspiration came from my psychotherapist when he told me, "You would never go to the Emergency Ward suffering from a complete mental breakdown." I interpret this to mean that I would take care of myself to prevent depression from taking over my life completely.
Indeed, once free from therapy, my life has been improving slowly but surely. Today, I know how to cope with sitting in my room by spending my time online, writing a blog, making music, and reading.
As well, I meditate from time to time, according to my time schedule, especially when spending time online. Every ninety minutes or so, I either meditate, have a snack, or read a book.
At the moment, I am in recovery from depression. This means I have developed the skills needed to cope with life, along with proper sleep hygiene (in bed no later than 2 AM), regular exercise, and meditation.
Today, it's not 2010 anymore. It's 2014, and the year has only begun.
And I am thankful to all the friends I made along the way.
20131220
The Big Question on Wealth (satire)
"People who value being wealthy as an end in itself (rather than an outcome on achieving other life goals) are less happy and more prone to depression." — J. M. Zwenge & W. K. Campbell, The Narcissism Epidemic: Living In The Age of Entitlement; "Ninjas in McMansions", page 129; Chapter 8: "I Deserve The Best At 18% APR."
Eventually, state the authors, materialism that raises one's status is self-destructive. Why is status-driven materialism dangerous? Such materialism is self-destructive, and may lead to bankruptcy, unhappy marriages, and even divorce.
Yet narcissists would be the first to deny that their desire for status has destroyed their lives, as long as they have credit cards, a couple million hidden away in the Grand Cayman Island, and a limousine driven by a trusted chauffeur.
Indeed, who in their right mind would declare to the world that "money is nothing" and transform their energy to practice materialistic consumerism into humanistic philanthropy? By framing the question as such, the narcissist lives in denial of moral poverty.
Earning power is not dependent on soundness of mind, for a few of today's billionaires have never finished college. Sometimes, even their behaviour when seeking status and power takes appears sociopathic.
Are we really entitled to wealth as a measure of our success? This question cannot be answered with a firm "Yes" or "No" because money is supposed to be a measure of your achievement in your life, rich or poor.
Suppose we have two brothers we'll call Gerald and Samuel Jones. Being the financial success in the family, the older Gerald dotes on his elderly parents for helping him to succeed in life. Meanwhile, Samuel has become the "black sheep" of the family.
Years ago, Samuel had been financially cut off because he couldn't pay his bills on time. After the $15,000 bailout for a student loan, all Samuel does instead of completing his degree in Computer Science is spend too much time on the computer.
In contrast, not only is Gerald a financial success, he has recently married Louise. He has argued with his mother over giving Sam any money, to which Mrs. Jones replied "If I don't give him spending money, then he will leave me and go on welfare. That would ruin the family name if he did it."
What Mrs. Jones means is, Sam is captivated by his mother's narcissistic personality; and is willing to trade his independence for dependence on her.
If this imaginary family seems normal to you, except for Sam, then you have not read between the lines. Mr Jones died 15 years ago, but left the family with a hefty inheritance. With Mrs. Jones as the executor of Mr. Jones' will, and Gerald as co-executor, he has ensured that he could invest wisely and maintenance an active investment portfolio which made him a millionaire.
However, Sam was the pampered child, due to ADHD and depression, plus years of Ritalin use. Currently he lives at home. Once a week, his mother gives him spending money. Due to his lack of employment, she pampers him and sometimes may be hear to say "You don't need to go find a job. Your dad left you with a trust fund."
Sadly though, this trust fund is managed by his brother, Gerald, who only doles out his brother"s weekly stipend. Originally he had allowed the trust fund to fund Sam's slow but sure path from college student to drop out with only six months of work, and an offer of internships.
In the end Sam never sought out work because he likes it at home. Although he is fine with the arrangements as it is, Sam wishes he had mone control over his finances. Luckily he knows better than to be a spendthrift but his ADHD in adulthood has made it difficult to hold a job because his behaviour is "odd". At one point, the college president considered him a security threat due to rumours of him being "psychotic".
Since colleges are not in the habit of measuring the learning disabilities that might be comorbid with ADHD, the college staff and some students who have interacted with Sam socially are unnerved by his sometimes erratic and often confrontational behavior.
Honestly, Sam did not quit university; he had to quit because after his brother Gerald got married, nobody could be at home to help out their mother. A housekeeper was totally out of the question, since Mrs. Jones has a peculiar way of putting away the dishes and glasses.
In this story, the mother of two boys might have an undiagnosed narcissistic personality. We do not know about the father, but since he left his surviving family, he must have been a CEO who spent a lot of time away working to afford the mansion his younger son and wife now live. He may too be undiagnosed.
As for the older son Gerald, his narcissistic personality is in check. This allowed him to date, court and marry his wife, who may have had the neurotic urge to avoid moving into his parents' house due to her poor self image.
Lastly, Sam has ADHD but had controlled it throughout childhood. However, the stress of finishing college led him to "drop out" to support his mother. Since both he and his brother have worked together on their mother's will, they both know they will be entitled to a lot of the inheritance when their mother passes on.
In my imaginary family, it appears that nobody is sociopathic except for the reason why Sam actually dropped out, for he was actually asked quietly to leave due to his ineptness in a failed romance with a lovely lady named Sue whose intelligence matched his own.
College life meant that she had to go to pub night, and was well on her way to become a chronic alcoholic in denial, often convincing Sam to come to dances and maintain her legal drug of choice. Sam rarely drinks, because his father died of alcohol-related causes.
When he tried to break off the relationship, Sue tried to convince him that they would surely get married. So when she asked for money for a wedding dress, he gave it to her. When she suggested they get engagement rings, again Sam obliged.
However, Mrs. Jones was canny, and figured Sue was up to no good. "Nobody for my Sammy unless she is honest and trustworthy. Her drinking like a fish rings a bell." Sammy thought he was in love, until Mrs. Jones asked Sue if she had picked out a wedding dress.
"Well, I'd put a down-payment with the money your son gave me," Sue replied. "But, no worries. It'll be worth it, Mrs. Jones."
Then Sue went out with Sam to pub night at the college. At some point during the night, she got him drunk. The next morning, Mrs. Jones got a call from Sam. "Mom, Sue's gone. So's our engagement rings."
In this imaginary world, Sue has the narcissistic personality to work her charms on a neurotic such as Sam and also his mother. Yet the clues were hidden in plain sight: the first clue is drug addiction. A disturbed character like Sue may be highly intelligent, but likes to engage in risky behaviour. For Sue, that consisted of drinking since age 12. After a string of boyfriends, she managed to avoid pregnancy via safe sex.
Each and every ex-boyfriends of Sue, if asked nicely, would admit Sue was a high-maintenance woman. If they were to offer any advice, then it would be "Don't give her money. Buy her things."
So, this is where the story ends: Sam is going to look after his mother until the day she dies, with Gerald and his lovely wife, Louise, occasionally visiting to provide updates on Louise's pregnancy and other chitchat.
Overal, their narcissistic personalities are under control, barely. However, Mrs. Jones put it simply: "Blood is thicker than water. My late husband worked hard and invested wisely. His legacy has been passed on, and when it's time for me to go, my sons will be well looked after, especially my Sammy."
In truth, the Jones' family is wealthy. Even though each of them have some sense of entitlement, they earned it in their own way. Gerald got a wife while Sammy lost at love only to decide his one true filial love is his mother.
In stark contrast, Sue lives in moral poverty. Although Sammy's potential wealth was apparent, it made him an easy target for Sue. When she realized that both Sam and his mother were pressuring her to get married and settled down, she showed her true colors and left before following through.
After declaring the money for a wedding dress and the engagement rings as theft to the police, Mrs. Jones and her son Sam, have yet to recover the money, let alone the engagement rings. Though it is possible that the rings may be recovered one day due to the engraving on both rings: one says "To Sue with love and respect" and the other, "To Sam with honor and trust."
20130811
I can still smell the blood (poem)
I can smell the blood from cuts
that criss cross her thin arm
like red stripes as the pain
of helpless tears at my heart.
Words of encouragement falls
on deaf ears and only silence
is returned for any concern
for her - why are you online
when all that happens in the end
is that you only have another trigger?
Yet I cannot put conditions
on my love for you, even though
your anger blinds you to it.
Why is it that I can stop from
being triggered but you can't?
It is because when you believe
in and love unconditionally,
you want to live instead of die.
Yet I can still smell the blood...
that criss cross her thin arm
like red stripes as the pain
of helpless tears at my heart.
Words of encouragement falls
on deaf ears and only silence
is returned for any concern
for her - why are you online
when all that happens in the end
is that you only have another trigger?
Yet I cannot put conditions
on my love for you, even though
your anger blinds you to it.
Why is it that I can stop from
being triggered but you can't?
It is because when you believe
in and love unconditionally,
you want to live instead of die.
Yet I can still smell the blood...
20130312
The root of my current depression
September 8, 2004: Currently the mortality of my father, who is now in an old age home, is a concern for me. For a long while, I thought that the only way I can handle that kind of pain, the imminent loss of a parent, is to avoid it, suppress it. But that's more depressing than just to talking about it.
Yes, not talking about the impending mortality of my father is the root of my depression, not death itself.
The reason why i am isolated from him is because his attitude is so aggressive and hurtful that it's best not to be in the same room with him. The same applies to my mother, especially since I know myself well enough to wish to avoid strong emotions at this time.
Update March 12, 2013
Three years later, my father died. As of May 2, 2013, it will be the seventh year since his parinirvana. Sometime in April, the Buddhist priest, my mother, my brother, my sister and her immediate family will attend.
I have recovered from the depression over his impending death. So I look forward to this memorial service.
Yes, not talking about the impending mortality of my father is the root of my depression, not death itself.
The reason why i am isolated from him is because his attitude is so aggressive and hurtful that it's best not to be in the same room with him. The same applies to my mother, especially since I know myself well enough to wish to avoid strong emotions at this time.
Update March 12, 2013
Three years later, my father died. As of May 2, 2013, it will be the seventh year since his parinirvana. Sometime in April, the Buddhist priest, my mother, my brother, my sister and her immediate family will attend.
I have recovered from the depression over his impending death. So I look forward to this memorial service.
20130228
Lack of Game Makes Me Blue
I feel that much of my behavior is related to major depressive disorder.
The consistent symptoms are weight gain, insomnia, and long periods of sleep.
Associated with it, but not a definite causal factor, is lack of a life partner.
At times I also tend to express my inner voice in a manner which leads to alienation by peers.
Yet none of my behavior symptoms indicate any obvious signs of delusion, dementia, mania or psychosis.
Most importantly I have no violent ideation (including rages).
However, the lack of a life partner shows a potential alienation of romantic feelings.
From what little I've been able to get out of women who've rejected me, I am "not their type", which means they wouldn't make love with me, even if I was the last man on Earth.
A probable cause of this alienation of affection is strongly related to persistence on my part, combined with lack of an established outer voice which is amenable to the mutual romantic interests of both the woman and myself.
In short, while I do walk the walk, I don't talk the talk in a manner which satisfies the woman's criteria of "her type."
However, deep down I know that anxiety and fear tends to serve as the unconscious motivation for the mate selection process amongst heterosexual females.
It's quite obvious that some women are anxious around me due to miscommunication, but an underlying fear of intimacy is raised because I am "not their type."
Sometimes I feel that most women have already made up their mind that they are not going to fuck me within 5 seconds of meeting me. :o
So obviously the solution is to meet more women, and learn and observe the cues which show that I am making the right, or wrong, impression on "that girl."
OK, maybe I am thinking too much about women and how to impress them.
While I cannot blame them for any health risks arising on my part from not being with a woman, or any deliberate attempt to put me at risk on their part, from an objective view, rejection is causing a depressive reaction.
My novel way of dealing with rejection and its reaction, depression, is to masturbate often. It appears to work better than anti-depressants, and reduces my anxiety better than benzodiazepines.
Still, it'd be nice to share an orgasm. :D
Thus I need game, not right away but sometime soon.
***And no, I am not whining or crying about lack of game. However, the dates with Mary Hand are getting monotonous.
The consistent symptoms are weight gain, insomnia, and long periods of sleep.
Associated with it, but not a definite causal factor, is lack of a life partner.
At times I also tend to express my inner voice in a manner which leads to alienation by peers.
Yet none of my behavior symptoms indicate any obvious signs of delusion, dementia, mania or psychosis.
Most importantly I have no violent ideation (including rages).
However, the lack of a life partner shows a potential alienation of romantic feelings.
From what little I've been able to get out of women who've rejected me, I am "not their type", which means they wouldn't make love with me, even if I was the last man on Earth.
A probable cause of this alienation of affection is strongly related to persistence on my part, combined with lack of an established outer voice which is amenable to the mutual romantic interests of both the woman and myself.
In short, while I do walk the walk, I don't talk the talk in a manner which satisfies the woman's criteria of "her type."
However, deep down I know that anxiety and fear tends to serve as the unconscious motivation for the mate selection process amongst heterosexual females.
It's quite obvious that some women are anxious around me due to miscommunication, but an underlying fear of intimacy is raised because I am "not their type."
Sometimes I feel that most women have already made up their mind that they are not going to fuck me within 5 seconds of meeting me. :o
So obviously the solution is to meet more women, and learn and observe the cues which show that I am making the right, or wrong, impression on "that girl."
OK, maybe I am thinking too much about women and how to impress them.
While I cannot blame them for any health risks arising on my part from not being with a woman, or any deliberate attempt to put me at risk on their part, from an objective view, rejection is causing a depressive reaction.
My novel way of dealing with rejection and its reaction, depression, is to masturbate often. It appears to work better than anti-depressants, and reduces my anxiety better than benzodiazepines.
Still, it'd be nice to share an orgasm. :D
Thus I need game, not right away but sometime soon.
***And no, I am not whining or crying about lack of game. However, the dates with Mary Hand are getting monotonous.
20130103
Watch Out for These Pharmaceutical Companies
Over the next year, these are the eight pharmacuetical companies to watch in the news.
No, this isn't a stock market tip. Rather, this is a list of pharmaceutical companies which manufacture psychiatric drugs for ADD, depression, schizophrenia and related forms of mental illness.
They are also the ones who profit from the bio-chemical theory of modern psychiatry, which is verges on being a pseudo-science mainly because it ignores the social causes of mental illness (child abuse, child neglect, bullying and related causes).
I feel strongly that the social model of mental illness will reduce the stigma that the medical model of deficit and pathology has brought to us. Included in the medical model is the bio-chemical theory of how psychopharmaceutical drugs work.
However, without a grasp of the social model, it would be almost impossible for psychotherapy to educate the mental health consumer during therapy sessions as a vital part of proper management of symptoms and effect remission.
Astra Zeneca
Glaxo Smith Kline
Johnson
Lilly
Merck
Novartis
Pfizer
Roche
It is up to anyone concerned about Big Pharma to research each company's involvement in lawsuits, including out of court settlements with each of them and the plaintiffs, where the companies effectively "bribed" survivors of killings and suicides related to mental illness.
If I did this for you, then you'd just take my word for it and not actively participate in monitoring Big Pharm's slippery slope in providing effective medication for mental health consumers which were actually unsafe to take.
So I ask anyone who is experience with Google to search each company's name with the keywords "murder", "suicide" and "killing".
In doing so, you will actively particpate in seeing the social cost to the People by the State in following the medical model of mental illness blindly without moderation by a reciprocal social model.
Thank you for helping me out. Please feel free to post comments.
No, this isn't a stock market tip. Rather, this is a list of pharmaceutical companies which manufacture psychiatric drugs for ADD, depression, schizophrenia and related forms of mental illness.
They are also the ones who profit from the bio-chemical theory of modern psychiatry, which is verges on being a pseudo-science mainly because it ignores the social causes of mental illness (child abuse, child neglect, bullying and related causes).
I feel strongly that the social model of mental illness will reduce the stigma that the medical model of deficit and pathology has brought to us. Included in the medical model is the bio-chemical theory of how psychopharmaceutical drugs work.
However, without a grasp of the social model, it would be almost impossible for psychotherapy to educate the mental health consumer during therapy sessions as a vital part of proper management of symptoms and effect remission.
Astra Zeneca
Glaxo Smith Kline
Johnson
Lilly
Merck
Novartis
Pfizer
Roche
It is up to anyone concerned about Big Pharma to research each company's involvement in lawsuits, including out of court settlements with each of them and the plaintiffs, where the companies effectively "bribed" survivors of killings and suicides related to mental illness.
If I did this for you, then you'd just take my word for it and not actively participate in monitoring Big Pharm's slippery slope in providing effective medication for mental health consumers which were actually unsafe to take.
So I ask anyone who is experience with Google to search each company's name with the keywords "murder", "suicide" and "killing".
In doing so, you will actively particpate in seeing the social cost to the People by the State in following the medical model of mental illness blindly without moderation by a reciprocal social model.
Thank you for helping me out. Please feel free to post comments.
20121227
Methamphetamine Kills
Methamphetamine does not discriminate against bisexuals, gays, or heterosexual people. However, its use is high amongst gay people since it affects the libido.
Methamphetamine raises the blood pressure. This could lead to cardiovascular disease including risk of heart attack and/or stroke.
As well, methamphetamine turns on the body's thermostat.
This makes it difficult to concentrate, and when you do concentrate it's on ways to get a rush as a reward for it. In the quest to score more methamphetamine, impulse control goes down the drain. Caution is replaced with risky behavior — combined with heightened libido, you may abandon condoms for riding bareback. This will lead to the risk of getting sexually transmitted diseases or worse, AIDS.
If you don't get your reward, then you might get angry. That anger will both fuel and feed off aggressive behavior until it leads to confrontations with whomever may prevent you from getting another rush.
During regular use of methamphetamine, you sleep less, but this kind of insomnia is not under anyone's total control because even in the hypomanic stage of sleeplessness, your productiveness and friendliness is suspect.
When the bouts of insomnia last for days, there is a strong chance that mania will occur with psychotic breaks occurring which include hallucinations where you think there are bugs under your skin or paranoia where you think somebody is trying to spy on you.
Methamphetamine use will burn you out, and leave you irrational as though a raging beast is trying to get out. Your work productivity will be reduced because it is impossible to concentrate when the ambient temperature seems like 30° C when actually your body temperature is close to 40°.
Due to loss of appetite, women on methamphetamine will become anorexic to the point of the menstrual cycle stopping.
Because of the fire that's raging inside you, you start to dry out from inside out. Your skin shrinks, and your head turns grey. You lose your beauty and often your mind. What's worse is if you get AIDS, the disease will ravage you within months, due to reduced immune system, initially caused by methamphetamine and worsened by the disease itself.
Regarding the immune system, methamphetamine use reduces its function. As its function is reduced, human endoretrovirii (HERV) awaken and lower the immune system. When the AIDS virus infects you, it chemically signals the HERV to go into overdrive which lowers the immune system further, leading to cancer and TB.
In the end, you die from the secondary diseases due to a dysfunctional immune system. That is, if you don't die from a heart attack, stroke or suicide due to depression.
Methamphetamine raises the blood pressure. This could lead to cardiovascular disease including risk of heart attack and/or stroke.
As well, methamphetamine turns on the body's thermostat.
This makes it difficult to concentrate, and when you do concentrate it's on ways to get a rush as a reward for it. In the quest to score more methamphetamine, impulse control goes down the drain. Caution is replaced with risky behavior — combined with heightened libido, you may abandon condoms for riding bareback. This will lead to the risk of getting sexually transmitted diseases or worse, AIDS.
If you don't get your reward, then you might get angry. That anger will both fuel and feed off aggressive behavior until it leads to confrontations with whomever may prevent you from getting another rush.
During regular use of methamphetamine, you sleep less, but this kind of insomnia is not under anyone's total control because even in the hypomanic stage of sleeplessness, your productiveness and friendliness is suspect.
When the bouts of insomnia last for days, there is a strong chance that mania will occur with psychotic breaks occurring which include hallucinations where you think there are bugs under your skin or paranoia where you think somebody is trying to spy on you.
Methamphetamine use will burn you out, and leave you irrational as though a raging beast is trying to get out. Your work productivity will be reduced because it is impossible to concentrate when the ambient temperature seems like 30° C when actually your body temperature is close to 40°.
Due to loss of appetite, women on methamphetamine will become anorexic to the point of the menstrual cycle stopping.
Because of the fire that's raging inside you, you start to dry out from inside out. Your skin shrinks, and your head turns grey. You lose your beauty and often your mind. What's worse is if you get AIDS, the disease will ravage you within months, due to reduced immune system, initially caused by methamphetamine and worsened by the disease itself.
Regarding the immune system, methamphetamine use reduces its function. As its function is reduced, human endoretrovirii (HERV) awaken and lower the immune system. When the AIDS virus infects you, it chemically signals the HERV to go into overdrive which lowers the immune system further, leading to cancer and TB.
In the end, you die from the secondary diseases due to a dysfunctional immune system. That is, if you don't die from a heart attack, stroke or suicide due to depression.
20121225
Insomnia Model of Bipolar Disorder
This is a model based on a theory formulated by subjective analysis of bipolar disorder. Due to this subjectivity, it may be flawed and in need of correction. Please comment with corrections as you see fit.
Due to anxiety, specifically worry, insomnia leads to an extended period of lost sleep. That lost sleep leads to more of the same. At some point, hypomania arises and then escalates into mania. Finally a psychosis develops and the world that one enters is known as "depression" where one swings between the extremes of sleep and of insomnia.
During the hypomania phase, one gets productive until it seems the world cannot stand for efficiency and "getting things done" since society has engineered the concept of "disposable" and the efficiency of "lasts forever" is not "good business".
Once efficiency and "doing good" becomes "bad business", one enters the manic stage and consistently does good, but achieves no success because a do-gooder is "bad for business" in today's fast-paced world.
Frustrated by increasing lack of success, the manic person may "burn out" and enter "a world of his own" in the psychotic phase. The main feature of this psychosis is the ability to sleep long hours and to rapidly cycle between it and insomnia with short bouts of hypomania, where one is productive and interfaces well with other people. One then regains some success as his "business reputation" is restored through productive conferences with his circle of friends.
However, it is possible for mania to recur IF his feelings of self worth are forgotten as his income declines. Rising income actually leads to remission of mania.
Through regular use of mild anxiolytic medications, his anxiety will be lowered to the point that insomnia is rare, but what he has learned about hypomania implies that the increased productivity and social connections outweighs the fatigue. For hypomania is the "good life" while mania is the "bad life".
Through therapy and reflective meditation, it is possible to choose the good life over the bad. What helps one make this choice wisely, preferring the good over the bad, is love. One loves himself so much that mania is seen as unproductive and damaging to reputation precisely because the psychosis is viewed as an endless cycle of hyperactivity and sleep, complicated by insomnia.
In contrast, anxiety that leads only to insomnia and hypomania is a milder psychosis which is manageable. For this is the world of productivity and benefits of social graces. One is valuable to his employer and his love for himself prevents him from making a bad choice and descending into the hell of bipolar psychosis.
Even though bipolar disorder is not as simple as this, as each person has a different aspect of the disorder, it is possible to simplify it into opposing pairs of good and bad since the disorder lends well to such a simple model.
For the bad life makes a hell of the symptoms of anxiety, insomnia, hypomania, mania and psychosis. In contrast the good life help to make those symptoms "go away" i.e. become manageable.
Due to anxiety, specifically worry, insomnia leads to an extended period of lost sleep. That lost sleep leads to more of the same. At some point, hypomania arises and then escalates into mania. Finally a psychosis develops and the world that one enters is known as "depression" where one swings between the extremes of sleep and of insomnia.
During the hypomania phase, one gets productive until it seems the world cannot stand for efficiency and "getting things done" since society has engineered the concept of "disposable" and the efficiency of "lasts forever" is not "good business".
Once efficiency and "doing good" becomes "bad business", one enters the manic stage and consistently does good, but achieves no success because a do-gooder is "bad for business" in today's fast-paced world.
Frustrated by increasing lack of success, the manic person may "burn out" and enter "a world of his own" in the psychotic phase. The main feature of this psychosis is the ability to sleep long hours and to rapidly cycle between it and insomnia with short bouts of hypomania, where one is productive and interfaces well with other people. One then regains some success as his "business reputation" is restored through productive conferences with his circle of friends.
However, it is possible for mania to recur IF his feelings of self worth are forgotten as his income declines. Rising income actually leads to remission of mania.
Through regular use of mild anxiolytic medications, his anxiety will be lowered to the point that insomnia is rare, but what he has learned about hypomania implies that the increased productivity and social connections outweighs the fatigue. For hypomania is the "good life" while mania is the "bad life".
Through therapy and reflective meditation, it is possible to choose the good life over the bad. What helps one make this choice wisely, preferring the good over the bad, is love. One loves himself so much that mania is seen as unproductive and damaging to reputation precisely because the psychosis is viewed as an endless cycle of hyperactivity and sleep, complicated by insomnia.
In contrast, anxiety that leads only to insomnia and hypomania is a milder psychosis which is manageable. For this is the world of productivity and benefits of social graces. One is valuable to his employer and his love for himself prevents him from making a bad choice and descending into the hell of bipolar psychosis.
Even though bipolar disorder is not as simple as this, as each person has a different aspect of the disorder, it is possible to simplify it into opposing pairs of good and bad since the disorder lends well to such a simple model.
For the bad life makes a hell of the symptoms of anxiety, insomnia, hypomania, mania and psychosis. In contrast the good life help to make those symptoms "go away" i.e. become manageable.
20121130
Hasidic Jewess Fights Back
On Google Plus, this Jewish women led me to find out that this alone is her battle.
"Though the young woman’s parents had asked her to drop the case as recently as this spring, the victim testified, about 20 members of her family came to show their support in court."
I am certain that her husband supported her decision to help bring closure.
It is a touching story, and one that most people would like to ignore, just as the Hasidic community does to anyone who reports such things to outsiders.
While I do not have a problem with Hasidism, its rules promote social isolation which makes it a ripe hunting ground for sexual predators within the community, as well as increasing the risk for depression due to its rules imposed on the community.
Thankfully, because this young 18-year-old woman is female, there is a ground swell of support both inside and outside the Jewish community.
Hopefully the next male victim of a reb who is a pedophile will come forward, and the advocates against child abuse will rally to his cause, too.
"Though the young woman’s parents had asked her to drop the case as recently as this spring, the victim testified, about 20 members of her family came to show their support in court."
I am certain that her husband supported her decision to help bring closure.
It is a touching story, and one that most people would like to ignore, just as the Hasidic community does to anyone who reports such things to outsiders.
While I do not have a problem with Hasidism, its rules promote social isolation which makes it a ripe hunting ground for sexual predators within the community, as well as increasing the risk for depression due to its rules imposed on the community.
Thankfully, because this young 18-year-old woman is female, there is a ground swell of support both inside and outside the Jewish community.
Hopefully the next male victim of a reb who is a pedophile will come forward, and the advocates against child abuse will rally to his cause, too.
20110830
Six More Sessions with the Psychotherapist
August 30, 2011: That means twelve more weeks of therapy (about 3 months).
So from November, I shall be on my own to cope with depression and anxiety, the result of the social isolation which starts around this time of year.
Though, my experience since age 2 has shown to me that the anxiety was learned from my parents, along with the depression from my mother.
While this is discounted by most people, I know it to be true for me.
This truth has freed me from believing that anxiety and depression are solely a biochemical reaction to longer nights and shorter days.
Instead, I feel that the social isolation is most likely a defense mechanism complicated by social anxiety.
Currently I feel fatigued, yet am willing to pause and reflect on the pluses for today.
Overall I am satisfied with the service I obtained from my local mental health centre.
Update 20130203.1213:
It now has been a year and four months since the end of psychotherapy at the local mental health centre.
Things have improved immensely since my medication was changed to gabapentin (200 mg twice a day) and cyclobenzaprine (10 mg at bedtime as needed).
In addition, it has been a couple weeks since finding and buying the following books:
As for my behavior since getting those books, it improved immensely. Though I did commit errors due to the remnants of egocentricity, which arises when negativities unsettles my mind.
Sometimes my fears get the best of me. For example, yesterday I was called in to work to fill un for another worker who'd fallen ill due to stress.
When my shift supervisor called me, he passed on information on the night shift building security guard that he was of the opinion that the security company I work for was inferior to the company that he's worked for all his career.
Fearing having to meet up with him, I decided to drop off the key fob assigned to me by the day shift guard at the desk, unsecured and vulnerable to theft.
While meeting with the night shift guard, he said I should return the fob to him. When I indicated that I'd left it at the desk in an unsecured manner, he left to recover it.
Later on, he came down to ask if I had been in the stairwells since the sensors had alerted him to possible breaches in security. In response to his inquiry, I stated that I have never entered any of the stairwells that night. His reaction was to cuss under his breath, as he was expecting a curt "Yes Sir!" rather than what sounds like an excuse.
Overall though, despite being alerted of frequent friction with the night guard, I actually only saw him twice all night. Based on the gender of the worker I replaced early this morning from midnight to six, I suspect that he might have a hint of misogyny along with the associated egocentricity.
In my way of thinking, putting down another company to make the company you work for seem superior hints of a dysfunctional ego clinging to inferior and superior.
How unnecessary are comparisons!
Later on that night, while I was meditating, I made a point of placing both hands together to meditate on what I learned from the night guard.
Since my meditation is done for the benefit of all sentient beings, including myself, I am certain that the evil karma (misunderstanding instruction about the key fob) was burned off through Buddhist Recitation and meditation.
As you can see, the Buddhist practice of Buddha Remembrance and breath meditation are my two main forms of self-help which benefit not only me but all sentient beings.
However, I am not so vain as to believe Buddhism is superior to psychotherapy due to my "lone wolf" practice.
Chinese Pure Land Buddhist retreats will not help me as I am unable to sit zazen. However, I am sure that Google Plus actually has a wide spectrum of spiritually deep members.
In conclusion, this humble blogger (points to self) makes use of the Buddhist practice of book learning in addition to Buddha Recitation and breath meditation as self-help tools. For these tools help reduce anxiety and depression, but they uncover pure joy arising from the awakening of Bodhi Mind.
I am grateful to the Buddha for his Dharma, to Amida Buddha for the Pure Land where I will be reborn on death, and especially to Shinran Shonin for founding his True Pure Land Buddhism.
Thank you for reading this blog post!
So from November, I shall be on my own to cope with depression and anxiety, the result of the social isolation which starts around this time of year.
Though, my experience since age 2 has shown to me that the anxiety was learned from my parents, along with the depression from my mother.
While this is discounted by most people, I know it to be true for me.
This truth has freed me from believing that anxiety and depression are solely a biochemical reaction to longer nights and shorter days.
Instead, I feel that the social isolation is most likely a defense mechanism complicated by social anxiety.
Currently I feel fatigued, yet am willing to pause and reflect on the pluses for today.
Overall I am satisfied with the service I obtained from my local mental health centre.
Update 20130203.1213:
It now has been a year and four months since the end of psychotherapy at the local mental health centre.
Things have improved immensely since my medication was changed to gabapentin (200 mg twice a day) and cyclobenzaprine (10 mg at bedtime as needed).
In addition, it has been a couple weeks since finding and buying the following books:
- Buddhism of Wisdom and Faith by Thich Thien Tâm.
- Buddhism: An Introductory Guide to the Buddhist Tradition by John Snelling.
- afterzen: Experiences of a Zen Student Out on His Ear by Janwillem van de Wetering.
As for my behavior since getting those books, it improved immensely. Though I did commit errors due to the remnants of egocentricity, which arises when negativities unsettles my mind.
Sometimes my fears get the best of me. For example, yesterday I was called in to work to fill un for another worker who'd fallen ill due to stress.
When my shift supervisor called me, he passed on information on the night shift building security guard that he was of the opinion that the security company I work for was inferior to the company that he's worked for all his career.
Fearing having to meet up with him, I decided to drop off the key fob assigned to me by the day shift guard at the desk, unsecured and vulnerable to theft.
While meeting with the night shift guard, he said I should return the fob to him. When I indicated that I'd left it at the desk in an unsecured manner, he left to recover it.
Later on, he came down to ask if I had been in the stairwells since the sensors had alerted him to possible breaches in security. In response to his inquiry, I stated that I have never entered any of the stairwells that night. His reaction was to cuss under his breath, as he was expecting a curt "Yes Sir!" rather than what sounds like an excuse.
Overall though, despite being alerted of frequent friction with the night guard, I actually only saw him twice all night. Based on the gender of the worker I replaced early this morning from midnight to six, I suspect that he might have a hint of misogyny along with the associated egocentricity.
In my way of thinking, putting down another company to make the company you work for seem superior hints of a dysfunctional ego clinging to inferior and superior.
How unnecessary are comparisons!
Later on that night, while I was meditating, I made a point of placing both hands together to meditate on what I learned from the night guard.
Since my meditation is done for the benefit of all sentient beings, including myself, I am certain that the evil karma (misunderstanding instruction about the key fob) was burned off through Buddhist Recitation and meditation.
As you can see, the Buddhist practice of Buddha Remembrance and breath meditation are my two main forms of self-help which benefit not only me but all sentient beings.
However, I am not so vain as to believe Buddhism is superior to psychotherapy due to my "lone wolf" practice.
Chinese Pure Land Buddhist retreats will not help me as I am unable to sit zazen. However, I am sure that Google Plus actually has a wide spectrum of spiritually deep members.
In conclusion, this humble blogger (points to self) makes use of the Buddhist practice of book learning in addition to Buddha Recitation and breath meditation as self-help tools. For these tools help reduce anxiety and depression, but they uncover pure joy arising from the awakening of Bodhi Mind.
I am grateful to the Buddha for his Dharma, to Amida Buddha for the Pure Land where I will be reborn on death, and especially to Shinran Shonin for founding his True Pure Land Buddhism.
Thank you for reading this blog post!
20110125
Laughter is the Best Medicine!
Liberally used daily, laughter, like an orgasm, is a type of seizure when it relieves me of the psychosomatic phlegm that depression swims in, rendering me pleasantly amused.
And what is laughter but the pleasing cough which removes the congestion of the blues, trading it in for a moment's respite from life's miseries.
So laugh often, and loudly! And, life will be made a little bit brighter and most likely last into a ripe old age!
And what is laughter but the pleasing cough which removes the congestion of the blues, trading it in for a moment's respite from life's miseries.
So laugh often, and loudly! And, life will be made a little bit brighter and most likely last into a ripe old age!
20110117
Seeing the Light
Sometimes, when I am at my worst, I resent most of mankind, which is the negative affect of SAD and social isolation.
While in this darkly negative world of my own making, I might misperceive the harmless behavior of other people in a paranoid manner as slights against me.
Perhaps this may be due to the impishness of adults, both male and female, who never grow up, and who may have become both eternally and internally, the archetypes represented by Peter Pan and Wendy in their respective NeverNeverlands. Yet this is foolish speculation.
At my worst, I see the cup as half empty. Furthermore, my moments of insanity may be in expecting a different reaction each time I act the same way as before sanity prevails.
Using patience, perseverance, and politeness as the guides they are, my way out of the long, dark tunnel of despair is greatly illumined by the peace of mind found through prayer and meditation.
When my mood is thus brightened, I accept other people's mannerisms as the idiosyncrasies they are meant to be - for each of us is unique in their own way.
Deep down I try to play the "Glad Game" to see what makes them glad to see my reaction.
When I am at my best, I am accepting of other people within the rules of society. It is then that I try to be helpful when asked and kind to others with respect to their kindness.
With this positive mindset, sanity consists of doing different things without expectations about outcome.
Realistically, life is never the cup seen half-empty or half-full.
Rather life may be lived fully by accepting what I cannot change about others, being courageous enough to do the things I can, and being wise, through life experience, to know the difference.
While in this darkly negative world of my own making, I might misperceive the harmless behavior of other people in a paranoid manner as slights against me.
Perhaps this may be due to the impishness of adults, both male and female, who never grow up, and who may have become both eternally and internally, the archetypes represented by Peter Pan and Wendy in their respective NeverNeverlands. Yet this is foolish speculation.
At my worst, I see the cup as half empty. Furthermore, my moments of insanity may be in expecting a different reaction each time I act the same way as before sanity prevails.
Using patience, perseverance, and politeness as the guides they are, my way out of the long, dark tunnel of despair is greatly illumined by the peace of mind found through prayer and meditation.
When my mood is thus brightened, I accept other people's mannerisms as the idiosyncrasies they are meant to be - for each of us is unique in their own way.
Deep down I try to play the "Glad Game" to see what makes them glad to see my reaction.
When I am at my best, I am accepting of other people within the rules of society. It is then that I try to be helpful when asked and kind to others with respect to their kindness.
With this positive mindset, sanity consists of doing different things without expectations about outcome.
Realistically, life is never the cup seen half-empty or half-full.
Rather life may be lived fully by accepting what I cannot change about others, being courageous enough to do the things I can, and being wise, through life experience, to know the difference.
20100731
Magnesium and Depression
Rapid recovery from depression is possible according to this site: http://www.newtreatments.org/Hypomagnesia/ga/203
Check the section "Foods That Contain 100 mg or More of Either Calcium or Magnesium per 100 Grams (3-1/2 oz)" for foods to manage depression and other mental disorders.
Check the section "Foods That Contain 100 mg or More of Either Calcium or Magnesium per 100 Grams (3-1/2 oz)" for foods to manage depression and other mental disorders.
20100716
Armchair Dream analysis
This post is snarfed from a "hidden" forum on Craigslist, and is posted with the dreamer The Buffalo's permission. RIP Buff.
Since he isn't well versed in dream analysis, he isn't going to pretend to understand it.
IMHO probably this dream analysis reveals much of how analytical my mind gets when inhibitions are positively released by lack of sleep on my part.
Armchair dream analysis of dream
-=tis my humble opinion, oöäh?=-
The Buffalo proffered: I was back in Australia, a place I haven't been since I was just a wee child.
Commentary: usually a person dreams of the most vivid memories of childhood, since the unconscious mind is trying to say something to the conscious mind. That such detail is remembered is rare.
The Buffalo proffered: I was on Bondi beach in Sydney and I was about to ring the shark bell, just like I did when I was there.
Commentary: "Ring the bell" implies a reminder from childhood which may be recurring in present life, especially when the shark bell is used to warn when it's time to stop swimming because of danger. It also refers to danger to the person's life. Buffalo was ill with cancer over the past few years.
The Buffalo proffered: But then Evita Peron came up and told me no, so I didn't. Then she started singing "Don't cry for me Argentina", only it wasn't Evita, it was Madonna playing Evita, like in the movie.
Commentary: dreaming about Evita Person is vague symbolism, given that she and her husband were notorious for misuse of public funds.
It's a subtle clue about DEPRESSION. Here's how I know...
Madonna's role in the Peron drama was done despite Argentina not getting much more than few tourist dollars. There are people there suffering due to fiscal irresponsibility. I sure hope you aren't in debt or anything, because dreaming about Evita symbolizes money woes. Madonna symbolizes a strong woman in your past.
The lack of any male archetypes is typical, as they are obscured.
...
BTW I get my best dream analysis work when insomnia puts me on the caveman hours of 36 awake, 12 asleep. YMMV
Since he isn't well versed in dream analysis, he isn't going to pretend to understand it.
IMHO probably this dream analysis reveals much of how analytical my mind gets when inhibitions are positively released by lack of sleep on my part.
Armchair dream analysis of dream
-=tis my humble opinion, oöäh?=-
The Buffalo proffered: I was back in Australia, a place I haven't been since I was just a wee child.
Commentary: usually a person dreams of the most vivid memories of childhood, since the unconscious mind is trying to say something to the conscious mind. That such detail is remembered is rare.
The Buffalo proffered: I was on Bondi beach in Sydney and I was about to ring the shark bell, just like I did when I was there.
Commentary: "Ring the bell" implies a reminder from childhood which may be recurring in present life, especially when the shark bell is used to warn when it's time to stop swimming because of danger. It also refers to danger to the person's life. Buffalo was ill with cancer over the past few years.
The Buffalo proffered: But then Evita Peron came up and told me no, so I didn't. Then she started singing "Don't cry for me Argentina", only it wasn't Evita, it was Madonna playing Evita, like in the movie.
Commentary: dreaming about Evita Person is vague symbolism, given that she and her husband were notorious for misuse of public funds.
It's a subtle clue about DEPRESSION. Here's how I know...
Madonna's role in the Peron drama was done despite Argentina not getting much more than few tourist dollars. There are people there suffering due to fiscal irresponsibility. I sure hope you aren't in debt or anything, because dreaming about Evita symbolizes money woes. Madonna symbolizes a strong woman in your past.
The lack of any male archetypes is typical, as they are obscured.
...
BTW I get my best dream analysis work when insomnia puts me on the caveman hours of 36 awake, 12 asleep. YMMV
20100626
Use Sadness to Seek Your Destiny
The whole purpose of life is to become whole, so that when you choose your love, you choose out of a sense of wholeness, rather than to complete what you are missing inside.
In order to be whole, each one of us works to completely nurture both the inner feminine and masculine until we remember our original nature.
In doing so, you are free to use your deepest sadness to fulfill your destiny.
For this is the purpose of depression and anxiety: inspiration to never give up on the goal to remember each one of us was, is, and will always be whole and complete in the depths of the mind.
In order to be whole, each one of us works to completely nurture both the inner feminine and masculine until we remember our original nature.
In doing so, you are free to use your deepest sadness to fulfill your destiny.
For this is the purpose of depression and anxiety: inspiration to never give up on the goal to remember each one of us was, is, and will always be whole and complete in the depths of the mind.
Depression Inspires Me to Become Whole
In child development, the child first enters the paranoid-schizoid position. Alone yet dependent on his mother or caregiver to which he's bonded, he learns good from bad, and what is appropriate.
Later, as he matures, he enters the depressive position, and may regress to the first position at times of stress, but overall, remains depressive.
Ergo there is no escape from depression. One just has to become whole to resist temptation to give up on oneself and commit suicide.
In order not to become a quitter, one has to undergo a holism of the personality. In order not to be a quitter, one nurtures both aspects of the inner psyche.
If a man, both the masculine and feminine elements of the personality are nurtured. In this way a man does not have to chase the inner feminine by marrying women to satisfy the deep inner need to be whole.
Instead, by nurturing both aspects of the personality, one becomes whole and may choose to seek a healthy relationship without the need to seek the opposite sex to feel whole.
IMHO depression is normal. What is abnormal is giving up on oneself because of a lack of wholeness.
It may be simplistic to believe that suicide might be due to a personality which appears not to be whole, but IMHO it beats the routine of booking into Emergency if it gets to that point.
If you feel non-attachment to depression, that's a start. However, it's a fallacy to conclude that non-self is the same as nihilism.
For deep sadness arising from depression is an opportunity to become more than just being yourself. It provides inspiration to become whole and complete.
In that journey, one never gives in to despair because one nurtures both the inner feminine and inner masculine parts of his or her personality, thus becoming whole and complete.
To better illustrate what this entails, the concept of yin and yang may be necessary: both one's inner feminine and inner masculine qualities need to be nurtured to become whole and complete as a person. A study of taoism may be necessary to introduce oneself to the idea. However, if one is more attuned to a Western outlook on life, then there are plenty of self-help texts incorporating such holism in a manner amenable to one's particular tastes.
All it takes is the courage to change the things one can, especially the tendency to overemphasize one's gender to the detriment of being whole and complete.
Later, as he matures, he enters the depressive position, and may regress to the first position at times of stress, but overall, remains depressive.
Ergo there is no escape from depression. One just has to become whole to resist temptation to give up on oneself and commit suicide.
In order not to become a quitter, one has to undergo a holism of the personality. In order not to be a quitter, one nurtures both aspects of the inner psyche.
If a man, both the masculine and feminine elements of the personality are nurtured. In this way a man does not have to chase the inner feminine by marrying women to satisfy the deep inner need to be whole.
Instead, by nurturing both aspects of the personality, one becomes whole and may choose to seek a healthy relationship without the need to seek the opposite sex to feel whole.
IMHO depression is normal. What is abnormal is giving up on oneself because of a lack of wholeness.
It may be simplistic to believe that suicide might be due to a personality which appears not to be whole, but IMHO it beats the routine of booking into Emergency if it gets to that point.
If you feel non-attachment to depression, that's a start. However, it's a fallacy to conclude that non-self is the same as nihilism.
For deep sadness arising from depression is an opportunity to become more than just being yourself. It provides inspiration to become whole and complete.
In that journey, one never gives in to despair because one nurtures both the inner feminine and inner masculine parts of his or her personality, thus becoming whole and complete.
To better illustrate what this entails, the concept of yin and yang may be necessary: both one's inner feminine and inner masculine qualities need to be nurtured to become whole and complete as a person. A study of taoism may be necessary to introduce oneself to the idea. However, if one is more attuned to a Western outlook on life, then there are plenty of self-help texts incorporating such holism in a manner amenable to one's particular tastes.
All it takes is the courage to change the things one can, especially the tendency to overemphasize one's gender to the detriment of being whole and complete.
20100621
Argument against Suicide
Suicide is based on the false premise that one's life is so worthless, one escapes from the shame of it by suicide.
To counter this argument, I say that one is suffering from a delusion in which one thinks one's life is worthless, and that it is brought about by negative reaction to one's quality of life.
Usually one is alone and cut off from social life, or at the least, from spiritual worship, which requires a respected priest, minister, or loved one.
At the root of depression is the feeling of being unloved, yet one also denies oneself self love.
Then the antidote contains loving kindness.
One learns through prayer and meditation to love oneself just for today.
I add to that God loves all who love Him, yet it is unconditional love. I won't go further than this because it's the topic of reigion forum.
Secularism is at the root of depression as its practice leads to mental unrest.
Religious practice is at the root of depression's cure or its secular analog, psychotherapy.
It also helps to have faith that God loves you, or if atheistic and/or agnostic, that faith in true love implies that suicide is based on self hatred.
When we learn to love ourselves, that is the path out of depression away from all thought of suicide.
To counter this argument, I say that one is suffering from a delusion in which one thinks one's life is worthless, and that it is brought about by negative reaction to one's quality of life.
Usually one is alone and cut off from social life, or at the least, from spiritual worship, which requires a respected priest, minister, or loved one.
At the root of depression is the feeling of being unloved, yet one also denies oneself self love.
Then the antidote contains loving kindness.
One learns through prayer and meditation to love oneself just for today.
I add to that God loves all who love Him, yet it is unconditional love. I won't go further than this because it's the topic of reigion forum.
Secularism is at the root of depression as its practice leads to mental unrest.
Religious practice is at the root of depression's cure or its secular analog, psychotherapy.
It also helps to have faith that God loves you, or if atheistic and/or agnostic, that faith in true love implies that suicide is based on self hatred.
When we learn to love ourselves, that is the path out of depression away from all thought of suicide.
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