She wasn't my girlfriend. In fact, she turned me down completely. Yet I had this crush on her that began in Grade 11 and ended after graduating high school.
It has been almost 40 years since then. Since then I have not felt the same feelings felt when a cute, curly haired young woman led me to have a crush on her almost four decades ago.
Rachel Edwards (not her name) was a cheerful, bubbly 16 year old, who ended up going to Aldergrove High School in 1975 due to a slight change in catchments. The following year, the boundaries changed once again, and we ended up graduating at different schools, with me at Aldergrove and her, Langley Secondary School.
An expert at playing the flute, Rachel was talented. She also was anti-capital punishment. At one point in her artistic career, she painted a mural on the side of the Aldergrove Park swimming pool building.
If I were to name the only thing positive that came out of this one-sided relationship, then it would be that I learned that my view on love is often limited and not as rich as anyone else's. Perhaps this is due to an early mild traumatic brain injury at age 2.
It is difficult to tell what has caused me to be so unlucky at love. Most likely, I fear commitment, so much of my later sex life consisted of short liaisons with willing women and a lot of premarital sex.
Even the apparently committed relationships were relatively short-lived trysts, some of them romantic but most of them lasting less than a year.
Today I am coming on to my 56th year, and wonder what happened to Rachel. Did she get married? Or, was her sex life as short-lived as mine? Perhaps her life was richer than mine in experience but the job was tiresome, being nursing.
I will never know, because Rachel's number remains unlisted. I am sure that I never loved her, and that much of that relationship was as close to becoming like a obsessive romantic as anyone might get.
Though, my recent change in religious denomination is a stark contrast to my life before Mormon, from late teens as hopeless romantic to confirmed bachelor.
Even so, I am grateful to you, Rachel Edwards, because you agreed to exchange letters with me. I am sorry for sending your letters back without stamps. Thanks for putting up with me.
By the way, I truly miss you.
Showing posts with label sexuality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sexuality. Show all posts
20140805
What My Sex is Like in my Head (satire)
In public I sometimes behave like a socially inept 12-year-old. Some women who observe me get anxious, and ignore me. Other women try to maintain oblivious serenity. A few of them are disgusted with my "attitude."
Then I go home, sleep less than six hours a night, and is a willing captive of the manic libido!
Why? Because it beats the sadness inherent in depression, the anxiety about my lack of a sexual relationship.
Indeed, I especially loathe the social isolation that consistently befalls me after getting 6-10 hours of "normal" sleep at night.
For me, life isn't fulfilling because no woman is willing to cross the threshold and get to know me intimately.
Do I have to plan the seeds of passion into her mind to inflame her heart so that she crosses the line which separates us? I think not: no woman in her right mind wants to cross that boundary because she is safe living her life on her own terms without me.
She does not wish to share a life together with me for the same reason that I used to enjoy sleeping until noon: its safety socially isolates each of us from being intimate lest all hell break loose. This is also why women fear having mad sex without regret, because they loathe casual sex for its lack of a long-term relationship.
To most women, sex and intimacy is tied to a relationship which leads to a family. Thus sex for them is a means to an end: having children and mainly, companionship with a suitable lover and perhap a husband.
For men, sex is about lowering the blood pressure and rewarding their mate for picking them to protect them from other men. Women however call this reason for sex "selfish", ignoring the simple fact that their family-mindedness may be a mind game that they create for themselves to justify enjoying sex to the fullest.
In my humble opinion, women think about sex more often than men, but convince their men that their selfish sex is sexist whilst hold family-mindedness as the highest of human virtues. This is the work of the libido, not a rational mind.
For love is tied to our emotions and feelings about sex and relationships. They cannot help but be.
Indeed, libido is both the motivator of our feelings and emotions to use said feelings to establish emotional ties so that the mind does not turn to the dark side (depression) and cause a person to become socially isolated from family, friends and loved ones.
We fear loneliness so much that we ignore the fact that we spend most of our lives alone, shaking off the stress caused by the resulting anxieties.
This is why my sex activity is all in my head, while my hand is beating a tattoo to the south! >:)
Original post: September 1, 2011 at 6:27 PM
Reference:
Hypersexuality: http://bipolar.about.com/cs/hypersex/a/aa_hypersex.htm
Then I go home, sleep less than six hours a night, and is a willing captive of the manic libido!
Why? Because it beats the sadness inherent in depression, the anxiety about my lack of a sexual relationship.
Indeed, I especially loathe the social isolation that consistently befalls me after getting 6-10 hours of "normal" sleep at night.
For me, life isn't fulfilling because no woman is willing to cross the threshold and get to know me intimately.
Do I have to plan the seeds of passion into her mind to inflame her heart so that she crosses the line which separates us? I think not: no woman in her right mind wants to cross that boundary because she is safe living her life on her own terms without me.
She does not wish to share a life together with me for the same reason that I used to enjoy sleeping until noon: its safety socially isolates each of us from being intimate lest all hell break loose. This is also why women fear having mad sex without regret, because they loathe casual sex for its lack of a long-term relationship.
To most women, sex and intimacy is tied to a relationship which leads to a family. Thus sex for them is a means to an end: having children and mainly, companionship with a suitable lover and perhap a husband.
For men, sex is about lowering the blood pressure and rewarding their mate for picking them to protect them from other men. Women however call this reason for sex "selfish", ignoring the simple fact that their family-mindedness may be a mind game that they create for themselves to justify enjoying sex to the fullest.
In my humble opinion, women think about sex more often than men, but convince their men that their selfish sex is sexist whilst hold family-mindedness as the highest of human virtues. This is the work of the libido, not a rational mind.
For love is tied to our emotions and feelings about sex and relationships. They cannot help but be.
Indeed, libido is both the motivator of our feelings and emotions to use said feelings to establish emotional ties so that the mind does not turn to the dark side (depression) and cause a person to become socially isolated from family, friends and loved ones.
We fear loneliness so much that we ignore the fact that we spend most of our lives alone, shaking off the stress caused by the resulting anxieties.
This is why my sex activity is all in my head, while my hand is beating a tattoo to the south! >:)
Original post: September 1, 2011 at 6:27 PM
Reference:
Hypersexuality: http://bipolar.about.com/cs/hypersex/a/aa_hypersex.htm
20140316
Cell Phone Safety and Security (satire)
Statutory rape laws may be seen as sexist when they protect good girls and promote chastity. However, they punish bad girls and sex-positive minors who tend to be a growing minority among technology-savvy children.
In Canada, sexual assault is a broad term covering everything from rape to sexual blackmail, especially in the case of Amanda Todd.
Yet the RCMP concluded that, because she consented, that there was no crime committed against Amanda since she was over the age of consent. However, there is legislation pending that would make it illegal to bullying or harass anyone online. Yet most of the bullying and harassment was actually done by her peers.
Of course, they are going to let the police entrap people online to enforce it. So I expect a lot of Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms challenges to this legislation once the Conservative government pushes it through.
In anticipation of the anti-bullying legislation becoming law in Canada, I urge everyone to secure your private phone calls both voice and text.
Currently I endorse Red Phone and Textsecure, even though I have yet to use them. Both products add a layer of security on top of texts and voice phone calls that is sorely lacking. Most cell phone calls and text messages can be decrypted since the encryption is weak. The only problem is, if you forget your password, then you have to reinstall Textsecure.
Reference:
Red Phone and Textsecure for Android:
https://whispersystems.org
In Canada, sexual assault is a broad term covering everything from rape to sexual blackmail, especially in the case of Amanda Todd.
Yet the RCMP concluded that, because she consented, that there was no crime committed against Amanda since she was over the age of consent. However, there is legislation pending that would make it illegal to bullying or harass anyone online. Yet most of the bullying and harassment was actually done by her peers.
Of course, they are going to let the police entrap people online to enforce it. So I expect a lot of Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms challenges to this legislation once the Conservative government pushes it through.
In anticipation of the anti-bullying legislation becoming law in Canada, I urge everyone to secure your private phone calls both voice and text.
Currently I endorse Red Phone and Textsecure, even though I have yet to use them. Both products add a layer of security on top of texts and voice phone calls that is sorely lacking. Most cell phone calls and text messages can be decrypted since the encryption is weak. The only problem is, if you forget your password, then you have to reinstall Textsecure.
Reference:
Red Phone and Textsecure for Android:
https://whispersystems.org
20140120
The Angels That Understand (Their Place in A Man's World) (Satire)
In 2003 tATu came out to the world by kissing after singing "All the Things She Said."
This video (above) was a promo for reality show "t.A.T.u. Under The Heaven" which came out in 2008.
After twelve years of existence, which is a long time for two young teenagers named Julian Volkova and Lena Katina, they grew up working as the girl group since 1999 and it went on hiatus in 2011.
However, the sexism inherent in Russian society is also contained in this short clip from six years ago.
Here is how the reality show "t.A.T.u. Under the Heaven" was introduced to the world:
Лучшее качество девочек — покорность.
Девочкам запрещается проявлять физическую силу.
Они не имеют права заниматься боевыми искусствами и брать в руки оружие.
Когда девочек бьют, они не должны стонать и жаловаться на боль.
The best quality in girls is obedience.
Girls are forbidden from expressing physical strength.
They do not have the right to engage in martial arts or hold weapons.
When girls are beaten they must not make any noise or complain about the pain.
It is apparent that this reality show was the last chance to grab more fame from controversy before moving on.
Back in 2004, both Julia and Lena came out and said they were coached by their manager to pretend to be lesbian to appeal to the world.
Given the power and influence of the Russian Orthodox Church, it is doubtful they were ever lesbian. This was a gimmick by their manager using the forbidden to appeal both domestically and globally. Both women are heterosexual, though Julia is consider to be bisexual due to her admission that she "still likes boys and girls".
When t.A.T.u was disbanded in 2011 with the previous seven years under scrutiny, including their proposed "Show Me Love" tour in the UK which canceled due to poor ticket sales in 2002, both women launched solo careers. It turned out the poor tickets sales was due to a parental advisory based on the belief that the girls' sexual image were inappropriate.
Having gone solo since 2008, Julia Volkova created her genre Sex Rock, and both Lena and her were based in LA for a bit but often return to Russia for tATu gigs and promos for their brands. Later Julia based herself in Moscow.
After breaking up Lena has admitted going to a shrink to recover from the 12 years of performing in tATu. I can't blame her.
In 2012 Lena moved to LA to reboot her career.
After Lena was being managed by Tristam Buckley from 2012 to 2013, the Tatu management team returned. Buckley helped reboot Lena's solo career which had gone down the tubes due to mismanagement in the year since t.A.T.u officially went into hiatus in 2011.
In 2013 Buckley sued for his share of the t.A.T.u. pie.
As of now, the new t.A.T.u, which began in December 2012, consists of small concerts they do and also product endorsement. However, the concerts they do ares not the biggest part of their lives due to being solo artists.
They also have their own lives to live. Julia has two kids from two relationships and converted to Islam because her second boyfriend is a Persian-Russian businessman, and Lena just got married in 2013 to a Russian musician.
Because the old t.A.T.u. concerts were a part of grueling tours, I can certainly understand why they are reluctant to dedicate all of their time to t.A.T.u.
Their solo careers have only begun.
As far as genre goes, Julia does Europop, Pop and Rock. Lena is definitely Rock.
However, these two angels of tATu will never be forgotten. These angels that understood their place in a man's world live on.
After Putin approved the anti-gay law, which forbids the practice of homosexuality in public, Rolling Stones Russia interviewed Lena Katina. During the interview they shared three bottles of wine. Lena jokingly admits to being an alcoholic. However, drinking is a big part of Russian culture along with big parties during birthdays and holidays, even on weekends.
Lena admits to not being particularly interested in politics back in Moscow, and loves the fact that American television filters out most of the "demonstrations, arrests, fights with the Special Purpose Mobile Unit" happening back home.
While she was not in touch with Julia after she moved back to Moscow almost two years before this interview, she's fine with that. As well, she holds no grudge against Ivan, the man who created t.A.T.u. and their fey-gay persona while performing.
Even though the lesbianism was all an act, I got the feeling after reading the interview, that to them, t.A.T.u was just as much performance art as it was a musical act.
Indeed, I am pretty sure it is the same with Pussy Riot, who may have inspired Putin to sign the anti-gay law due to the fact that none of the members of that musical act had boyfriends because they were ardent feminists too busy with their political performance art. It would be interesting for Rolling Stones Russia to interview Pussy Riot and ask them if t.A.T.u. inspired them in some way, too.
When asked if she and Julia would return to t.A.T.u., Lena denied it, saying that both she and Julia are very much into their solo careers. However, she never flat out said "Never."
As well, she described how Ivan had once took them to a drug den after the fame had gone to his head. Nothing like this shocked Lena Katina, who claims Ivan considered her to be the "conscience" of t.A.T.u. Such goings-on merely made her a little sad. In fact, she once fantasized becoming a famous psychotherapist who would counsel drug addicts for a living.
Well, after her beauty fades in her 40s and she becomes another dumpy babushka, Lena Katina the music star could become Elena Katina the psychotherapist in a world-famous rehab clinic for celebrities who want to kick their drugs habits.
Reference:
tATu tumblr fansite, blog post for January 17, 2014: http://ta-tu.tumblr.com/post/73629164053
t.A.T.u. v Podnebesnoi (promo 4) for reality show "t.A.T.u. Under The Heaven" circa 2008:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ia7zN4eym1E
T.A.T.u : http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/T.A.T.u.
Julia Volkova: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yulia_Volkova
Lena Katina: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lena Katina
t.A.T.u sued: http://www.tmz.com/2013/06/09/tatu-lena-katina-manager-lawsuit/
2012 interview of t.A.T.u: http://www.muumuse.com/2012/11/10-years-in-the-wrong-lane-an-interview-with-t-a-t-u.html/
Rolling Stones Russia interview: http://www.lenakatina.nl/rolling-stone.php
20131204
Confronting Narcissism: The Truth Will Set You Free (satire)
For the sake of this article, there are two types of personalities, the narcissistic and the neurotic.
While this is a simplistic notion of human personality, it suffices. Why? Because an in depth discussion of narcissism and neurosis is outside the aim of this article.
Besides, readers of the social media Twitter tend to have short attention spans.
Also note that anything in bold is the truth that will set you free.
YMMV
Anyway, I'd like to think of narcissism and neurosis as two extremes of what is called human personality.
Neurosis is completely normal, even when a person is limited by anxiety and even worse, phobias. For such limitations are easily overcome simply by practice.
Of course, it is easy for me to say this because I've overcome both anxiety and phobias, mainly by applying Frank Herbert's Litany of Fear to help conquer both the anger that is the root of anxiety and the fear that is the root of phobias.
In contrast, narcissism is abnormal. Narcissistic people are manipulative people. who maintain the egocentricity of youth but have morphed it into narcissism.
However, the egocentric personality believes that the whole world revolves around him, while the narcissist often has a strong sense of entitlement, self-esteem, and the insatiable desire to live his life out by manipulating other people.
Often the narcissistic person believes he is superior to other people, but is willing to manipulate anyone into believing in his superiority.
It's most likely that egocentricity is a component of depression, since the depressed personality tends to view the world through the distorted lens of his illness.
Often narcissism manipulates neurosis in a person who chooses to love a narcissist.
Love will not change a narcissist into a decent human being who empathizes with you and loves you as much as you love him.
Stop lying to yourself because it does not work that way. That is magical thinking, as is love that is blind to the faults of the narcissist.
Early on in any relationship, be it friends or lovers, it is up to you to present the truth about his behaviour as you see it and establish strong boundaries with him.
If he harms you in retaliation (by ignoring it or insulting you) then present the truth again in an even voice and maintain the same strong boundaries.
If this leads to sexual assault, then he broke through those boundaries because he has no respect for you and for your boundaries. Report it to the authorities and break all contact with him. This involves blocking all calls and messages from him. It may even involve learning a martial art, and expecting the unexpected.
If, on the other hand, your neuroses limits to your options to reliance on a friend or mate for emotional support and/or protection, then choose your friends wisely. Do not make the mistake of calling your new boyfriend a policeman, since it could worsen the situation.
Be aware that he will use every trick in the book to manipulate you into forming a bond with him.
Ask for advice from people who know him well, including family and friends. Even his former lovers have good advice.
If you have fallen into the habit of being jealous of rivals, then he will use this against you to "prove" that you love him more than they ever did.
Confronting the narcissistic takes courage but anyone who lets love guide her heart in such matter had better be mentally and physically prepared for the consequences.
Otherwise, you are going to be manipulated into serving him forever.
Whatever I just wrote about heterosexual relationships also applies to homosexual relationships. Manipulative people come in many flavors of gender.
Regarding my advice about not making the mistake of calling your new boyfriend a policeman, the Raoul Moat case in England was an example of a narcissist whose rage against his former partner Samantha Stoddart was fueled by the fact that she'd fibbed to him by calling her new boyfriend a policeman when he was actually a martial arts expert. The real tragedy is that her new boyfriend is dead.
This brings me to relationships with a narcissist. Should a narcissist and a neurotic ever hook up, they may eventually desire to have children.
If the narcissist believes his neurotic wife to be paying too much attention to the child, then he may become jealous of that child.
Eventually it may lead to child abuse, and he will have exercised enough control of his wife to manipulate her into avoiding any confrontation him because she fears the emotional and physical abuse that he uses on her "to keep her in line."
Instead, the neurotic will undergo a lot of stress, which will present itself in overwork, obesity, alcoholism and even prescription drug abuse.
Along the way, she may develop ulcers and eventually cancer. However, the first symptoms will be anxiety and panic attacks, along with phobias. There also will be Stockholm Syndrome, in which she protects her husband in spite of the abuse when offered help.
As well, the narcissistic husband will gaslight the neurotic wife which may lead to involuntary admission to psychiatric wards, where neurotic hospital staff will be manipulated by the husband into believing that her statements of abuse by him are due to medication.
This is why both hospital staff and associated social workers should be trained in detecting narcissists.
IMO I believe some children of narcissists do establish boundaries with their caregivers early and get mistreated as their relationship evolves into becoming the black sheep of the family.
In contrast, narcissistic caregivers who nurture their child to point of narcissism goes beyond normal childcare. Since the children are mere extensions of the caregiver, the behaviour of her child will be controlled to reflect positively on her.
A narcissist will believe that the reason why her child cries is to distract attention from her. She also learns that feeding the child keeps it quiet. If a narcissist is an addict, she may even give her drug of choice to her child to keep it quiet, be it food, alcohol or recreational drugs.
Indeed, a lot of narcissists are social drinkers. Some of them are even recreational drug users, and a few narcissists are both.
In a cruel world, a narcissistic caregiver could be likened the mother of all evil.
I also believe that ego addiction is the root of egocentrism but ego addiction in manipulative people can be overcome after the narcissistic personality is controlled. This can only happen if the person seeks help.
However, I do not believe meditation is a cure-all for narcissism and manipulative people, but rather a preventative since it will lead them to flee when offered to them. Again, meditation will only work if a person humbly seeks it.
While this is a simplistic notion of human personality, it suffices. Why? Because an in depth discussion of narcissism and neurosis is outside the aim of this article.
Besides, readers of the social media Twitter tend to have short attention spans.
Also note that anything in bold is the truth that will set you free.
YMMV
Anyway, I'd like to think of narcissism and neurosis as two extremes of what is called human personality.
Neurosis is completely normal, even when a person is limited by anxiety and even worse, phobias. For such limitations are easily overcome simply by practice.
Of course, it is easy for me to say this because I've overcome both anxiety and phobias, mainly by applying Frank Herbert's Litany of Fear to help conquer both the anger that is the root of anxiety and the fear that is the root of phobias.
In contrast, narcissism is abnormal. Narcissistic people are manipulative people. who maintain the egocentricity of youth but have morphed it into narcissism.
However, the egocentric personality believes that the whole world revolves around him, while the narcissist often has a strong sense of entitlement, self-esteem, and the insatiable desire to live his life out by manipulating other people.
Often the narcissistic person believes he is superior to other people, but is willing to manipulate anyone into believing in his superiority.
It's most likely that egocentricity is a component of depression, since the depressed personality tends to view the world through the distorted lens of his illness.
Often narcissism manipulates neurosis in a person who chooses to love a narcissist.
Love will not change a narcissist into a decent human being who empathizes with you and loves you as much as you love him.
Stop lying to yourself because it does not work that way. That is magical thinking, as is love that is blind to the faults of the narcissist.
Early on in any relationship, be it friends or lovers, it is up to you to present the truth about his behaviour as you see it and establish strong boundaries with him.
If he harms you in retaliation (by ignoring it or insulting you) then present the truth again in an even voice and maintain the same strong boundaries.
If this leads to sexual assault, then he broke through those boundaries because he has no respect for you and for your boundaries. Report it to the authorities and break all contact with him. This involves blocking all calls and messages from him. It may even involve learning a martial art, and expecting the unexpected.
If, on the other hand, your neuroses limits to your options to reliance on a friend or mate for emotional support and/or protection, then choose your friends wisely. Do not make the mistake of calling your new boyfriend a policeman, since it could worsen the situation.
Be aware that he will use every trick in the book to manipulate you into forming a bond with him.
Ask for advice from people who know him well, including family and friends. Even his former lovers have good advice.
If you have fallen into the habit of being jealous of rivals, then he will use this against you to "prove" that you love him more than they ever did.
Confronting the narcissistic takes courage but anyone who lets love guide her heart in such matter had better be mentally and physically prepared for the consequences.
Otherwise, you are going to be manipulated into serving him forever.
Whatever I just wrote about heterosexual relationships also applies to homosexual relationships. Manipulative people come in many flavors of gender.
Regarding my advice about not making the mistake of calling your new boyfriend a policeman, the Raoul Moat case in England was an example of a narcissist whose rage against his former partner Samantha Stoddart was fueled by the fact that she'd fibbed to him by calling her new boyfriend a policeman when he was actually a martial arts expert. The real tragedy is that her new boyfriend is dead.
This brings me to relationships with a narcissist. Should a narcissist and a neurotic ever hook up, they may eventually desire to have children.
If the narcissist believes his neurotic wife to be paying too much attention to the child, then he may become jealous of that child.
Eventually it may lead to child abuse, and he will have exercised enough control of his wife to manipulate her into avoiding any confrontation him because she fears the emotional and physical abuse that he uses on her "to keep her in line."
Instead, the neurotic will undergo a lot of stress, which will present itself in overwork, obesity, alcoholism and even prescription drug abuse.
Along the way, she may develop ulcers and eventually cancer. However, the first symptoms will be anxiety and panic attacks, along with phobias. There also will be Stockholm Syndrome, in which she protects her husband in spite of the abuse when offered help.
As well, the narcissistic husband will gaslight the neurotic wife which may lead to involuntary admission to psychiatric wards, where neurotic hospital staff will be manipulated by the husband into believing that her statements of abuse by him are due to medication.
This is why both hospital staff and associated social workers should be trained in detecting narcissists.
IMO I believe some children of narcissists do establish boundaries with their caregivers early and get mistreated as their relationship evolves into becoming the black sheep of the family.
In contrast, narcissistic caregivers who nurture their child to point of narcissism goes beyond normal childcare. Since the children are mere extensions of the caregiver, the behaviour of her child will be controlled to reflect positively on her.
A narcissist will believe that the reason why her child cries is to distract attention from her. She also learns that feeding the child keeps it quiet. If a narcissist is an addict, she may even give her drug of choice to her child to keep it quiet, be it food, alcohol or recreational drugs.
Indeed, a lot of narcissists are social drinkers. Some of them are even recreational drug users, and a few narcissists are both.
In a cruel world, a narcissistic caregiver could be likened the mother of all evil.
I also believe that ego addiction is the root of egocentrism but ego addiction in manipulative people can be overcome after the narcissistic personality is controlled. This can only happen if the person seeks help.
However, I do not believe meditation is a cure-all for narcissism and manipulative people, but rather a preventative since it will lead them to flee when offered to them. Again, meditation will only work if a person humbly seeks it.
20130512
Proctologist Hilarity and Urogenital Anxiety (satire)
It's sad that people are ashamed to admit they've been to see the proctologist. I certainly am not afraid to admit to it in this blog post, mainly because the embarrassment surrounding the visit to the specialist who looks after your plumbing is sometimes out of proportion to the maintenance of urogenital health today.
In 1991 I went to the urogenital specialist (proctologist) for a quick examination before surgery and thought it felt good. Though he was like, "this is an examination." The surgery was done to close one hole in the urethra, but it left a scar. This was a followup to surgery done at age five to correct hypospadia.
I remember the time when I was in the hospital in the urogenital ward for the initial operation in 1964. We kids bonded and told ourselves the lies that reduce that scary feeling of anxiety when telling the truth.
There is also a vague memory of the pre-operative procedure in which a part of the flesh around the open was burned off with silver nitrate. Before that I remember trying to imitate my father by urinating while standing up. "Mom, I'm peeing standing up!", I yelled. However, the elation from that moment was quickly dashed when my mother scolded me for dripping all over the floor.
On Canada, there is NO psychotherapy before the operation and in post op. Instead, we learned to bury our memories of the experience over time on our way to adulthood. No wonder! Society deems it inappropriate to even admit children who are deeply afraid of being different from other children. As young children, we would never admit publicly to being different down there out of fear that we'd be bullied for being the third sex.
Today, as an adult, I considered it to be no big deal to mention this incident in my early childhood because the five decades insulate me from the pain.
When I reflect on incidents between 1964 and 1991 during my childhood and early adulthood, it is of a boy who was painfully confused about his gender who grew up into a man who behaved immaturely and sometimes impulsively due to that confusion.
After the recent surgery, my confidence slowly returned since I identified as male after 1991. However, it took twenty years to tell my story. Today I appreciate my father for his work at the sawmill because his employment plan paid for the my first surgery. As well, my respect for my mother is being renewed because of her support for me.
Even so, the risk of prostate cancer is great after the age of 50 for males. In fact, prostate cancer is the second-leading causes of death for men, because of the embarrassment of the care for our plumbing.
According to the Official Foundation of the American Urological Society, I have learned that:
An analysis of autopsy studies has shown that approximately one in three men over the age of 50 years had histologic evidence of prostate cancer, with up to 80% of these tumors being limited in size and grade and, therefore, clinically insignificant. However, a recent study of incidental prostate cancer diagnosed in organ donors found prostate cancer in 1 in 3 men age 60-69, and this increased to 46% in men over age 70.
What this means is that one-third of men, aged 50 year or over, have signs of prostate cancer with 20% or less of the cases being clinically significant. While incidental prostate cancer still occurs in one in three men in their sixties, by the time they are in their seventies, that incidence has increased to 46%.
For Canada this means approximately 1.2 million men in their 50s have evidence of possible prostate cancer. Less than 240 thousand of these men will test positive for cancer. Of men in their 60s, 600 thousand of them will test positive for cancer. For the men in their 70s, almost a half million will have cancer, which is attributable to the number one killer of men, heart disease.
Up to two million Canadian men aged 50 and over may test positive for prostate cancer this year. That's a statistical fact.
So it's important for men 50 years or over to get their prostate checked and to reduce that belly fat to prevent heart disease.
Looks like I'll be booking an appointment with a urologist through my doctor to get my prostate checked this year.
Reference:
Third sex: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_gender
Hypospadia: http://www.urologyhealth.org/urology/index.cfm?article=130
Prostate cancer: http://www.urologyhealth.org/urology/index.cfm?article=146&display=1
Age (131) and Sex (3) for the Population of Canada, Provinces, Territories, Census Metropolitan Areas and Census Agglomerations, 2006 and 2011 Censuses, 2011 Census of Canada: http://www12.statcan.gc.ca/census-recensement/2011/dp-pd/tbt-tt/Rp-eng.cfm?LANG=E&APATH=3&DETAIL=0&DIM=0&FL=A&FREE=0&GC=0&GID=0&GK=0&GRP=1&PID=102008&PRID=0&PTYPE=101955&S=0&SHOWALL=0&SUB=0&Temporal=2011&THEME=88&VID=0&VNAMEE=&VNAMEF=
In 1991 I went to the urogenital specialist (proctologist) for a quick examination before surgery and thought it felt good. Though he was like, "this is an examination." The surgery was done to close one hole in the urethra, but it left a scar. This was a followup to surgery done at age five to correct hypospadia.
I remember the time when I was in the hospital in the urogenital ward for the initial operation in 1964. We kids bonded and told ourselves the lies that reduce that scary feeling of anxiety when telling the truth.
There is also a vague memory of the pre-operative procedure in which a part of the flesh around the open was burned off with silver nitrate. Before that I remember trying to imitate my father by urinating while standing up. "Mom, I'm peeing standing up!", I yelled. However, the elation from that moment was quickly dashed when my mother scolded me for dripping all over the floor.
On Canada, there is NO psychotherapy before the operation and in post op. Instead, we learned to bury our memories of the experience over time on our way to adulthood. No wonder! Society deems it inappropriate to even admit children who are deeply afraid of being different from other children. As young children, we would never admit publicly to being different down there out of fear that we'd be bullied for being the third sex.
Today, as an adult, I considered it to be no big deal to mention this incident in my early childhood because the five decades insulate me from the pain.
When I reflect on incidents between 1964 and 1991 during my childhood and early adulthood, it is of a boy who was painfully confused about his gender who grew up into a man who behaved immaturely and sometimes impulsively due to that confusion.
After the recent surgery, my confidence slowly returned since I identified as male after 1991. However, it took twenty years to tell my story. Today I appreciate my father for his work at the sawmill because his employment plan paid for the my first surgery. As well, my respect for my mother is being renewed because of her support for me.
Even so, the risk of prostate cancer is great after the age of 50 for males. In fact, prostate cancer is the second-leading causes of death for men, because of the embarrassment of the care for our plumbing.
According to the Official Foundation of the American Urological Society, I have learned that:
An analysis of autopsy studies has shown that approximately one in three men over the age of 50 years had histologic evidence of prostate cancer, with up to 80% of these tumors being limited in size and grade and, therefore, clinically insignificant. However, a recent study of incidental prostate cancer diagnosed in organ donors found prostate cancer in 1 in 3 men age 60-69, and this increased to 46% in men over age 70.
What this means is that one-third of men, aged 50 year or over, have signs of prostate cancer with 20% or less of the cases being clinically significant. While incidental prostate cancer still occurs in one in three men in their sixties, by the time they are in their seventies, that incidence has increased to 46%.
For Canada this means approximately 1.2 million men in their 50s have evidence of possible prostate cancer. Less than 240 thousand of these men will test positive for cancer. Of men in their 60s, 600 thousand of them will test positive for cancer. For the men in their 70s, almost a half million will have cancer, which is attributable to the number one killer of men, heart disease.
Up to two million Canadian men aged 50 and over may test positive for prostate cancer this year. That's a statistical fact.
So it's important for men 50 years or over to get their prostate checked and to reduce that belly fat to prevent heart disease.
Looks like I'll be booking an appointment with a urologist through my doctor to get my prostate checked this year.
Reference:
Third sex: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_gender
Hypospadia: http://www.urologyhealth.org/urology/index.cfm?article=130
Prostate cancer: http://www.urologyhealth.org/urology/index.cfm?article=146&display=1
Age (131) and Sex (3) for the Population of Canada, Provinces, Territories, Census Metropolitan Areas and Census Agglomerations, 2006 and 2011 Censuses, 2011 Census of Canada: http://www12.statcan.gc.ca/census-recensement/2011/dp-pd/tbt-tt/Rp-eng.cfm?LANG=E&APATH=3&DETAIL=0&DIM=0&FL=A&FREE=0&GC=0&GID=0&GK=0&GRP=1&PID=102008&PRID=0&PTYPE=101955&S=0&SHOWALL=0&SUB=0&Temporal=2011&THEME=88&VID=0&VNAMEE=&VNAMEF=
20130228
Lack of Game Makes Me Blue
I feel that much of my behavior is related to major depressive disorder.
The consistent symptoms are weight gain, insomnia, and long periods of sleep.
Associated with it, but not a definite causal factor, is lack of a life partner.
At times I also tend to express my inner voice in a manner which leads to alienation by peers.
Yet none of my behavior symptoms indicate any obvious signs of delusion, dementia, mania or psychosis.
Most importantly I have no violent ideation (including rages).
However, the lack of a life partner shows a potential alienation of romantic feelings.
From what little I've been able to get out of women who've rejected me, I am "not their type", which means they wouldn't make love with me, even if I was the last man on Earth.
A probable cause of this alienation of affection is strongly related to persistence on my part, combined with lack of an established outer voice which is amenable to the mutual romantic interests of both the woman and myself.
In short, while I do walk the walk, I don't talk the talk in a manner which satisfies the woman's criteria of "her type."
However, deep down I know that anxiety and fear tends to serve as the unconscious motivation for the mate selection process amongst heterosexual females.
It's quite obvious that some women are anxious around me due to miscommunication, but an underlying fear of intimacy is raised because I am "not their type."
Sometimes I feel that most women have already made up their mind that they are not going to fuck me within 5 seconds of meeting me. :o
So obviously the solution is to meet more women, and learn and observe the cues which show that I am making the right, or wrong, impression on "that girl."
OK, maybe I am thinking too much about women and how to impress them.
While I cannot blame them for any health risks arising on my part from not being with a woman, or any deliberate attempt to put me at risk on their part, from an objective view, rejection is causing a depressive reaction.
My novel way of dealing with rejection and its reaction, depression, is to masturbate often. It appears to work better than anti-depressants, and reduces my anxiety better than benzodiazepines.
Still, it'd be nice to share an orgasm. :D
Thus I need game, not right away but sometime soon.
***And no, I am not whining or crying about lack of game. However, the dates with Mary Hand are getting monotonous.
The consistent symptoms are weight gain, insomnia, and long periods of sleep.
Associated with it, but not a definite causal factor, is lack of a life partner.
At times I also tend to express my inner voice in a manner which leads to alienation by peers.
Yet none of my behavior symptoms indicate any obvious signs of delusion, dementia, mania or psychosis.
Most importantly I have no violent ideation (including rages).
However, the lack of a life partner shows a potential alienation of romantic feelings.
From what little I've been able to get out of women who've rejected me, I am "not their type", which means they wouldn't make love with me, even if I was the last man on Earth.
A probable cause of this alienation of affection is strongly related to persistence on my part, combined with lack of an established outer voice which is amenable to the mutual romantic interests of both the woman and myself.
In short, while I do walk the walk, I don't talk the talk in a manner which satisfies the woman's criteria of "her type."
However, deep down I know that anxiety and fear tends to serve as the unconscious motivation for the mate selection process amongst heterosexual females.
It's quite obvious that some women are anxious around me due to miscommunication, but an underlying fear of intimacy is raised because I am "not their type."
Sometimes I feel that most women have already made up their mind that they are not going to fuck me within 5 seconds of meeting me. :o
So obviously the solution is to meet more women, and learn and observe the cues which show that I am making the right, or wrong, impression on "that girl."
OK, maybe I am thinking too much about women and how to impress them.
While I cannot blame them for any health risks arising on my part from not being with a woman, or any deliberate attempt to put me at risk on their part, from an objective view, rejection is causing a depressive reaction.
My novel way of dealing with rejection and its reaction, depression, is to masturbate often. It appears to work better than anti-depressants, and reduces my anxiety better than benzodiazepines.
Still, it'd be nice to share an orgasm. :D
Thus I need game, not right away but sometime soon.
***And no, I am not whining or crying about lack of game. However, the dates with Mary Hand are getting monotonous.
20130105
Sexual Contentment
In our thirst for spiritual meaning, we are like fish thirsty for water in the belly of a fishing boat.
In our true being, we know everything are everything, but are in need of nothing. Yet our thirst will be the death of us.
For the thirst for knowledge cannot be sated only by study of the sutras, but simply by the practice of being of service to others, and of being helpful to anyone in need.
Although nothingness is immanent in all sentient beings, for all our knowledge, truly does the knowledgeable person know everything and lacks nothing.
Only the fool thinks that nothing is as valuable as the lifestyle he left behind. At night he dreams of it and experiences it as thought that lifestyle is real. On awakening, he soon forgets that lifestyle lest his new friends suspect him to be apostate.
For the fool thirsts for his former lifestyle, despite doing what he can to make his present one his own.
He forgets that his former lifestyle provided him with the experience to adapt to his surroundings, and that he has the necessary skillset to fit in.
Indeed, the true purpose of his dreams of the former lifestyle is to instruct him in his new one.
Likewise, the Buddhist practitioner may dream of anything but the Buddha, and in fearing becoming apostate, goes through the motions of his practice, while dreading the thought of being found out.
In fact, he thirsts for nothingness despite knowing all things, being all things. and in need of nothing. His dreams are actually about the Buddha, but he mistakes what he dreamed about for the worldly life.
However, the Buddha is known to resort to white lies to help one of his followers to awakens to the purpose in life. Even when that purpose is to be of service to others, and to be helpful to people in need, the purpose of a dream that appears to be of worldly things is to help the practitioner to devote herself to the Buddha.
Thus, when a Buddhist dreams of having sex, that dream has little to do with sex and all to do with her devotion to the practice. This is why one of the Buddhist precepts is concerned with sex.
Thus, if a practitioner is used to the practice of sexual contentment by self abuse, then she should refrain from fantasizing about violence against other sentient beings, theft of time that could be devoted to the Buddha, and lying to herself about why she's practicing such contentment, while under the influence of drink and/or drugs.
When a practitioner sacrifices his time and spends it practicing sexual contentment, the five practices of loving-kindness, generosity, contentment, truthful communication and mindfulness ought to guide him to the climax of his contentment.
After he has had his fill of the waters of his contentment, she is best reducing guilt by offering her shame to the Buddha in the form of devotional practice and study of the Heart Sutra.
In our true being, we know everything are everything, but are in need of nothing. Yet our thirst will be the death of us.
For the thirst for knowledge cannot be sated only by study of the sutras, but simply by the practice of being of service to others, and of being helpful to anyone in need.
Although nothingness is immanent in all sentient beings, for all our knowledge, truly does the knowledgeable person know everything and lacks nothing.
Only the fool thinks that nothing is as valuable as the lifestyle he left behind. At night he dreams of it and experiences it as thought that lifestyle is real. On awakening, he soon forgets that lifestyle lest his new friends suspect him to be apostate.
For the fool thirsts for his former lifestyle, despite doing what he can to make his present one his own.
He forgets that his former lifestyle provided him with the experience to adapt to his surroundings, and that he has the necessary skillset to fit in.
Indeed, the true purpose of his dreams of the former lifestyle is to instruct him in his new one.
Likewise, the Buddhist practitioner may dream of anything but the Buddha, and in fearing becoming apostate, goes through the motions of his practice, while dreading the thought of being found out.
In fact, he thirsts for nothingness despite knowing all things, being all things. and in need of nothing. His dreams are actually about the Buddha, but he mistakes what he dreamed about for the worldly life.
However, the Buddha is known to resort to white lies to help one of his followers to awakens to the purpose in life. Even when that purpose is to be of service to others, and to be helpful to people in need, the purpose of a dream that appears to be of worldly things is to help the practitioner to devote herself to the Buddha.
Thus, when a Buddhist dreams of having sex, that dream has little to do with sex and all to do with her devotion to the practice. This is why one of the Buddhist precepts is concerned with sex.
Thus, if a practitioner is used to the practice of sexual contentment by self abuse, then she should refrain from fantasizing about violence against other sentient beings, theft of time that could be devoted to the Buddha, and lying to herself about why she's practicing such contentment, while under the influence of drink and/or drugs.
When a practitioner sacrifices his time and spends it practicing sexual contentment, the five practices of loving-kindness, generosity, contentment, truthful communication and mindfulness ought to guide him to the climax of his contentment.
After he has had his fill of the waters of his contentment, she is best reducing guilt by offering her shame to the Buddha in the form of devotional practice and study of the Heart Sutra.
20121223
The Plight of Male Prostitutes
In respect to prostitution, boys are sexually abused at an earlier age
than girls. When they enter prostitution, they also enter it at an
earlier age than girls (8-10 vs 12-18 for girls).
However, male prostitutes are not always gay. They may also be bisexual and heterosexual, even if their main customers are male.
Indeed, male prostitution do not perform gay sex. Usually they are receivers of anal sex.
Yes, they are sodomized.
And that means that male prostitutes are more at-risk than female prostitutes.
Why? Because girls and women can get out of prostitution before age 18.
This is because male prostitutes do not want to risk how the STate treats them if they try to get out of the industry before age 18.
Usually this leads to the chaos of foster care.
Foster care usually will violate the rights of male prostitutes to a stable and secure home since most foster parents do not understand male prostitution.
What we need are safe homes for male prostitutes who want out.
But it won't happen in a society whose feminists will object to this misogynist and sexist rant.
Ergo we need an egalitarian society that supports gender equality transition. The privileges of feminism versus the privileges of the patriarchy only continues an unnecessary gender war.
However, male prostitutes are not always gay. They may also be bisexual and heterosexual, even if their main customers are male.
Indeed, male prostitution do not perform gay sex. Usually they are receivers of anal sex.
Yes, they are sodomized.
And that means that male prostitutes are more at-risk than female prostitutes.
Why? Because girls and women can get out of prostitution before age 18.
This is because male prostitutes do not want to risk how the STate treats them if they try to get out of the industry before age 18.
Usually this leads to the chaos of foster care.
Foster care usually will violate the rights of male prostitutes to a stable and secure home since most foster parents do not understand male prostitution.
What we need are safe homes for male prostitutes who want out.
But it won't happen in a society whose feminists will object to this misogynist and sexist rant.
Ergo we need an egalitarian society that supports gender equality transition. The privileges of feminism versus the privileges of the patriarchy only continues an unnecessary gender war.
20120307
Sexuality is The Choice Made Unaware
Nurturance by caregivers determine our sexuality more so than the nature of our genetics.
Thus sexuality is a hierarchy of unconscious choices, similar to the ones we make before we learn language.
Sexual orientation is the end result of these choices.
Indeed, the treatment of a child by their parents, their peers and society determines whether s/he will prefer to socialize with male or female but the choice of sexual orientation depends on who s/he feels comfortable with.
Although this may feel like s/he has little choice, that is because this choice is foremost an unconscious choice.
If one feels as though one has no choice in the matter, then that is because sexual orientation occurs without reasoning since sexual desire is based on feelings.
Any reasoning is made ex profacto.
For love grows after the fact of making it,
Thus sexuality is a hierarchy of unconscious choices, similar to the ones we make before we learn language.
Sexual orientation is the end result of these choices.
Indeed, the treatment of a child by their parents, their peers and society determines whether s/he will prefer to socialize with male or female but the choice of sexual orientation depends on who s/he feels comfortable with.
Although this may feel like s/he has little choice, that is because this choice is foremost an unconscious choice.
If one feels as though one has no choice in the matter, then that is because sexual orientation occurs without reasoning since sexual desire is based on feelings.
Any reasoning is made ex profacto.
For love grows after the fact of making it,
20101225
Dear God (humour)
Dear God, I know that an orgasm is essential to my mental health and overall well-being, and that putting it off for months is considered the norm for the devoutly Christian. Yet I am far from that, and have worn the sheep's clothing. However I am not the wolf. I don't identify with that archetype. It is not me. If there is an emotional disconnect here, then it is because I have forgotten that there is a balance of good and evil to be done within my heart.
It is known among sexual health professionals that regular masturbation is harmless, and that the real harm comes from thinking that suppressing natural human desire is the same as sublimating it.
Why, I had great productivity without wanking each night! It's just another human activity to help me regain my sanity. I know that you understand this but self will is trying to take over my life.
I will be responsible in controlling self will, even if sometimes i have to appease it with an orgasm or three. ;)
Getting to bed early enough is the most appealing alternative. Yet I will masturbate once a week to retain my sanity in spire of the neuroses which arise from stress like this.
Anyway God, thanks for listening.
I gotta go wank again.
It is known among sexual health professionals that regular masturbation is harmless, and that the real harm comes from thinking that suppressing natural human desire is the same as sublimating it.
Why, I had great productivity without wanking each night! It's just another human activity to help me regain my sanity. I know that you understand this but self will is trying to take over my life.
I will be responsible in controlling self will, even if sometimes i have to appease it with an orgasm or three. ;)
Getting to bed early enough is the most appealing alternative. Yet I will masturbate once a week to retain my sanity in spire of the neuroses which arise from stress like this.
Anyway God, thanks for listening.
I gotta go wank again.
20071231
Why I Don't Date
1) Better to conquer oneself than conquer a thousand men.
2) I value peace of mind by the sublimation of sexual desire through meditation.
3) The first traumatic film in Grade One that I experienced was about a child molester but showed the setting and succeeded in having me only associate wooded areas with danger. Today, kids these days have faith in all the myths about "psychos" from Hollywood.
4) Because of 1) overconsumption requires eating one meal a day, substituting diet beverage for alcohol and pop, and walk a mile 3-4 times a week each day or the equivalent at the gym.
5) Actually most people today get boring the more they drink because they don't remember any of the good things I did for them when they were sober. I can count the number of people with more exciting stories to tell me and who will never over-drink ever again on both hands. The number of people who were drinkers and led interesting lives I know is two: one of my friends and my Dad (except my Dad died of old age).
6) Women can either go lesbian, do it solo with their BOB or find someone better.
7) What a woman calls independent living means no men; what a man calls independent living means sleeping when he wants, washing when he wants, and being able to keep a beer can collection. What I call independent living means adequate rest, cleanliness and living within my means.
8) I've yet to meet a woman who could drink the same amount of booze I can without being paranoid of too much drinking. If I had no intent of acting anything other than a gentleman these past years, then I should remember being jailed for it. Since I have no such intentions drunk or sober, then frankly ladies, your paranoia about drinking with men is only emphasized by the "mistakes" you have made while drunk. Because I had no such intentions all along, I have decided being sober is a wiser choice at my age.
9) There are too many errors of judgement in dating. You rarely get a second chance when you make a mistake unless you admit that you did err and wish to correct your ways.
10) "Do you like children?" a fellow castmate asked WC Fields. Fields weaved around a bit, and then slowly slurred, "With catsup..."
I once read a book by some Irish author which proposed that children of the poor be well fed like domesticated animals and then slaughtered to end the Irish potato famine. This satire actually implied that had the poor of Ireland not been busy procreating, that the famine would not have occurred.
Well, we do not have that problem today. Children are becoming a scarce commodity these days because people are actually procreating less than they did 300 years ago.
Ah, the joys of compulsory education! Stuff your brain full of unrelated facts for 12 straight years, and the first one learned is "women no longer really need men to raise their children" and the second one learned is, "chemistry is the code word for a lot of failed experiments, some good experiences, and so much potential".
Even so, IMHO a few men and women have forgotten all about love by the time they are my age, mainly because of the propaganda from the media. Indeed, a diet of soap operas and romantic novels contributes to this myth. It goes great with the one about men only having egos, which isn't true according to my research on psychology. Women have egos, just like men do, except just like every other aspect of the female mind, they internalize it. Indeed, women tend to over-analyze using their egos in ways that no males can, and then some. Though, men are quite capable of using their egos like they don't have their manhood handy.
So that's why I don't date. I am content to maintain peace of mind through mindful practice.
2) I value peace of mind by the sublimation of sexual desire through meditation.
3) The first traumatic film in Grade One that I experienced was about a child molester but showed the setting and succeeded in having me only associate wooded areas with danger. Today, kids these days have faith in all the myths about "psychos" from Hollywood.
4) Because of 1) overconsumption requires eating one meal a day, substituting diet beverage for alcohol and pop, and walk a mile 3-4 times a week each day or the equivalent at the gym.
5) Actually most people today get boring the more they drink because they don't remember any of the good things I did for them when they were sober. I can count the number of people with more exciting stories to tell me and who will never over-drink ever again on both hands. The number of people who were drinkers and led interesting lives I know is two: one of my friends and my Dad (except my Dad died of old age).
6) Women can either go lesbian, do it solo with their BOB or find someone better.
7) What a woman calls independent living means no men; what a man calls independent living means sleeping when he wants, washing when he wants, and being able to keep a beer can collection. What I call independent living means adequate rest, cleanliness and living within my means.
8) I've yet to meet a woman who could drink the same amount of booze I can without being paranoid of too much drinking. If I had no intent of acting anything other than a gentleman these past years, then I should remember being jailed for it. Since I have no such intentions drunk or sober, then frankly ladies, your paranoia about drinking with men is only emphasized by the "mistakes" you have made while drunk. Because I had no such intentions all along, I have decided being sober is a wiser choice at my age.
9) There are too many errors of judgement in dating. You rarely get a second chance when you make a mistake unless you admit that you did err and wish to correct your ways.
10) "Do you like children?" a fellow castmate asked WC Fields. Fields weaved around a bit, and then slowly slurred, "With catsup..."
I once read a book by some Irish author which proposed that children of the poor be well fed like domesticated animals and then slaughtered to end the Irish potato famine. This satire actually implied that had the poor of Ireland not been busy procreating, that the famine would not have occurred.
Well, we do not have that problem today. Children are becoming a scarce commodity these days because people are actually procreating less than they did 300 years ago.
Ah, the joys of compulsory education! Stuff your brain full of unrelated facts for 12 straight years, and the first one learned is "women no longer really need men to raise their children" and the second one learned is, "chemistry is the code word for a lot of failed experiments, some good experiences, and so much potential".
Even so, IMHO a few men and women have forgotten all about love by the time they are my age, mainly because of the propaganda from the media. Indeed, a diet of soap operas and romantic novels contributes to this myth. It goes great with the one about men only having egos, which isn't true according to my research on psychology. Women have egos, just like men do, except just like every other aspect of the female mind, they internalize it. Indeed, women tend to over-analyze using their egos in ways that no males can, and then some. Though, men are quite capable of using their egos like they don't have their manhood handy.
So that's why I don't date. I am content to maintain peace of mind through mindful practice.
20071211
The Metaphor of Little Red Riding Hood
"From this story one learns that children, especially young lasses, pretty, courteous and well-bred, do very wrong to listen to strangers, And it is not an unheard thing if the Wolf is thereby provided with his dinner. I say Wolf, for all wolves are not of the same sort; there is one kind with an amenable disposition — neither noisy, nor hateful, nor angry, but tame, obliging and gentle, following the young maids in the streets, even into their homes. Alas! Who does not know that these gentle wolves are of all such creatures the most dangerous!" -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Red_Riding_Hood#Pre-Perrault
Nice men are depicted as the most dangerous of men by Little Red Riding Hood because they might be a threat to innocent young women's virtue.
Thus, women are anxious of such men because they wish to "keep a reputation" i.e. have sex after marriage.
Yet, another interpretation of nice men is presented here:
Red Riding Hood has also been seen as a parable of sexual maturity. In this interpretation, the red cloak symbolizes the blood of the menstrual cycle and the entry into puberty, braving the "dark forest" of womanhood. Or the cloak could symbolize the hymen (earlier versions of the tale generally do not state that the cloak is red--the word "red" in the title may refer to the girl's hair color or a nickname). In this case, the wolf threatens the girl's virginity. The anthropomorphic wolf symbolizes a man, who could be a lover, seducer or sexual predator. This differs from the ritual explanation in that the entry into adulthood is biologically, not socially, determined. -- ibid
How can a man truly be a wolf, unless he is only after one thing? Yet, what if he never truly wants it?
Then, he is a gentleman for not getting what he wants: consensual sex with a willing woman?
So, this tale says a lot about society itself by promoting anxiety and fear of nice guys in young women to protect their goodness.
Thus Little Red Riding Hood is a story about our anxiety over increasing infertility of post-modern society in developed countries.
20070919
Wild Yams Can Prevent Pregnancy
On Chovil's page on his ongoing delusions, this was the only part that was coherent:
Chovil suggests that pregnancy is related to stress, and that stressors increase the risk of conception. He suggests that this explains teenaged pregnancy while primitive societies can have teens having sex from 12 and not getting pregnant until 25.
I guess the researcher of those islanders did not see the female village elders hand out the enourmous quantities of wild yams to the young women having sex. It is well known that wild yams contain phyto-estrogens which act as natural contraceptives.
Then he conveniently forgets about the infertile couples who barely conceive unless given hormone treatment, which may be because of estrogen-like substances leaching from plastic, herbicides and the like.
However, Chovil is right about both the biology of sexuality and the history of sexuality being a recent rediscovery. More than likely, prior to the modern era, sexuality was erased from the records by censors since the dawn of history.
One clue to this are the temple prostitutes of the Astarte cult, which may have resulted in the wake of the dominance of nomads on horseback over matriarchal agrarian communes.
Another clue are the idols of fat naked women who are possibly representations of a Neolithic fertility goddess. This woman is similar to the Irish goddess with the vulva on display.
In Japan, the mythological story of how the gods got the sun goddess out of the cave - a solar eclipse story - has one goddess showing her underparts to the other god, causing so much noise that the sun goddess was curious enough to see what was up. Quite possibly the stripper was her brother dressed in drag showing his privates, considering that cross-dressing is acceptable in Asian culture.
Overall though, the increasing stress of the world does not lead to increased pregnancy. Rather, the stressed girls are the one more likely to seek comfort in premarital sex, which results in a higher risk of pregnancy.
Unfortunately, it looks like wild yams are not a popular treat for young girls in developed nations. If they were, then teenaged pregnancy could be cured!
I remember reading "The Sexual Life of Savages" by Malinowski, and reading about the earliest pornographic film that has survived, "The Grass Sandwich", currently in one of the American Sex Institutes. I researched human sexuality through the ages a lot and came to the conclusion that women were once much more sexual than they have been in recorded history. I think that human culture was not stressed to survive in their environments before the last ice age, physically or socially. Societies were probably matriarchal then and much more sexual. Remnants of female sexual expression such as the isolated Trobiand Islanders visited by Malinowski in the late 19th century were now quite unique. The Pacific Islanders didn't have a word for work in their language. Malinowski recorded that women have their first pregnancy at about 25 years old even though "their vaginas are filled with men's semen" from a very young age to quote an elder Malinowski talked to. Malinowski couldn't figure out why the young women didn't get pregnant at age 16 like the Europeans.
Hormones are a very highly evolved, and complex system. I took an endocrinology course at university, and science understands very little about what evolutionary role hormones have. It is quite possible that age of reproductive capability would be controlled by the endocrine system as affected by environmental and social stress. It makes sense in evolutionary terms. When environmental stress increases you want a greater rate of reproduction to compensate for inevitable losses. When times are good, and what we would say is idyllic, you want reproduction to replace just the people lost to old age. Our sexuality isn't lost per se, it has been buried, and the troubles that adolescents girls have with self esteem, and eating disorders is probably dependent on how much we suppress and discourage their sexuality.
I was really struck when I became interested in the biology of sexuality that there was virtually no information on the subject in any of the university libraries I searched. There is no history of sexuality, no evolution of sexuality, and virtually no biology of human sexuality in any library in Canada. In fact very little is known about female sexuality. The female orgasm is marked by the contraction of the pubococygeus muscle and I've only felt that contraction during sex once in my life. The G-spot orgasm almost disappeared in the 20th century, probably the vaginal orgasm that Freud was so criticized for in the 1970's. Our ability to enjoy sexual pleasure has been seriously compromised around the world, which makes books like "The Sexual Life of Savages" and temples like those at "Konarak" windows to a world we otherwise couldn't imagine, at least not without public censure. I would guess that the virus upset our evolutionary balance and put pressure on endocrine systems to allow reproductive capability at an earlier age, which caused the population growth, which increased the social pressures and adversely affected the development and experience of sexuality in adolescence.
Chovil suggests that pregnancy is related to stress, and that stressors increase the risk of conception. He suggests that this explains teenaged pregnancy while primitive societies can have teens having sex from 12 and not getting pregnant until 25.
I guess the researcher of those islanders did not see the female village elders hand out the enourmous quantities of wild yams to the young women having sex. It is well known that wild yams contain phyto-estrogens which act as natural contraceptives.
Then he conveniently forgets about the infertile couples who barely conceive unless given hormone treatment, which may be because of estrogen-like substances leaching from plastic, herbicides and the like.
However, Chovil is right about both the biology of sexuality and the history of sexuality being a recent rediscovery. More than likely, prior to the modern era, sexuality was erased from the records by censors since the dawn of history.
One clue to this are the temple prostitutes of the Astarte cult, which may have resulted in the wake of the dominance of nomads on horseback over matriarchal agrarian communes.
Another clue are the idols of fat naked women who are possibly representations of a Neolithic fertility goddess. This woman is similar to the Irish goddess with the vulva on display.
In Japan, the mythological story of how the gods got the sun goddess out of the cave - a solar eclipse story - has one goddess showing her underparts to the other god, causing so much noise that the sun goddess was curious enough to see what was up. Quite possibly the stripper was her brother dressed in drag showing his privates, considering that cross-dressing is acceptable in Asian culture.
Overall though, the increasing stress of the world does not lead to increased pregnancy. Rather, the stressed girls are the one more likely to seek comfort in premarital sex, which results in a higher risk of pregnancy.
Unfortunately, it looks like wild yams are not a popular treat for young girls in developed nations. If they were, then teenaged pregnancy could be cured!
20070510
Positive Atttude Towards Sexuality By Parents Benefits Child's Comfort With Sexuality
http://www.springerlink.com/content/x32030w12p504r05/
In the Archives of Sexuality, research has shown that a positive attitude toward sexuality can be beneficial for a child's comfort with his/her sexuality. As well, such comfort is not impaired by sleeping in the parents' bed or by exposure to nudity.
Thus, sleeping with the parents will not harm children, nor will early exposure to nudity.
What will traumatize children may be a negative attitude towards sexuality through their childhood. Therefore, negativity displayed by parents towards sexuality (be it homosexual or heterosexual behavior) may impair a child's comfort with sexuality.
This confirms advice governed by common sense that it's best not to make a big fuss about inappropriate displays of sexuality.
In the Archives of Sexuality, research has shown that a positive attitude toward sexuality can be beneficial for a child's comfort with his/her sexuality. As well, such comfort is not impaired by sleeping in the parents' bed or by exposure to nudity.
Thus, sleeping with the parents will not harm children, nor will early exposure to nudity.
What will traumatize children may be a negative attitude towards sexuality through their childhood. Therefore, negativity displayed by parents towards sexuality (be it homosexual or heterosexual behavior) may impair a child's comfort with sexuality.
This confirms advice governed by common sense that it's best not to make a big fuss about inappropriate displays of sexuality.
20070330
Masturbation as Protest Against Rejection
I was reading the sexuality issue of Visions, put out by the Canadian Mental Health Assn BC members.
(See page 22 of http://www.cmha.bc.ca/files/08.pdf)
They said a person should seek help if their means of sexual gratification leads to social isolation.
Specifically, one should seek help if one's behavior "has become a substitute for, rather than part of, a meaningful relationship with another person; that is, the solitary behaviour allows you to avoid intimacy."
Masturbation alone appears to fit this criteria since a typical chronic masturbator usually is socially isolated from potential partner of relational sex.
Consequently, the solitary behavior involved around masturbation allows one to "avoid intimacy."
So, intimacy involves a willing partner? Only in a culture where individualism honored and paraded around is this so.
Methinks Western society stil has hang-ups about masturbation.
I think the fact that it is mainly associated with gay male sexual behavior on the Internet is part of this Western cultural hang-up about masturbation.
Well, I am gonna be anal and in denial about masturbation.
I am not avoiding intimacy; I am trying to be *my type*.
To me masturbation is a protest against hundreds of women suffering "not my type" reaction to me.
(See page 22 of http://www.cmha.bc.ca/files/08.pdf)
They said a person should seek help if their means of sexual gratification leads to social isolation.
Specifically, one should seek help if one's behavior "has become a substitute for, rather than part of, a meaningful relationship with another person; that is, the solitary behaviour allows you to avoid intimacy."
Masturbation alone appears to fit this criteria since a typical chronic masturbator usually is socially isolated from potential partner of relational sex.
Consequently, the solitary behavior involved around masturbation allows one to "avoid intimacy."
So, intimacy involves a willing partner? Only in a culture where individualism honored and paraded around is this so.
Methinks Western society stil has hang-ups about masturbation.
I think the fact that it is mainly associated with gay male sexual behavior on the Internet is part of this Western cultural hang-up about masturbation.
Well, I am gonna be anal and in denial about masturbation.
I am not avoiding intimacy; I am trying to be *my type*.
To me masturbation is a protest against hundreds of women suffering "not my type" reaction to me.
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