In public I sometimes behave like a socially inept 12-year-old. Some women who observe me get anxious, and ignore me. Other women try to maintain oblivious serenity. A few of them are disgusted with my "attitude."
Then I go home, sleep less than six hours a night, and is a willing captive of the manic libido!
Why? Because it beats the sadness inherent in depression, the anxiety about my lack of a sexual relationship.
Indeed, I especially loathe the social isolation that consistently befalls me after getting 6-10 hours of "normal" sleep at night.
For me, life isn't fulfilling because no woman is willing to cross the threshold and get to know me intimately.
Do I have to plan the seeds of passion into her mind to inflame her heart so that she crosses the line which separates us? I think not: no woman in her right mind wants to cross that boundary because she is safe living her life on her own terms without me.
She does not wish to share a life together with me for the same reason that I used to enjoy sleeping until noon: its safety socially isolates each of us from being intimate lest all hell break loose. This is also why women fear having mad sex without regret, because they loathe casual sex for its lack of a long-term relationship.
To most women, sex and intimacy is tied to a relationship which leads to a family. Thus sex for them is a means to an end: having children and mainly, companionship with a suitable lover and perhap a husband.
For men, sex is about lowering the blood pressure and rewarding their mate for picking them to protect them from other men. Women however call this reason for sex "selfish", ignoring the simple fact that their family-mindedness may be a mind game that they create for themselves to justify enjoying sex to the fullest.
In my humble opinion, women think about sex more often than men, but convince their men that their selfish sex is sexist whilst hold family-mindedness as the highest of human virtues. This is the work of the libido, not a rational mind.
For love is tied to our emotions and feelings about sex and relationships. They cannot help but be.
Indeed, libido is both the motivator of our feelings and emotions to use said feelings to establish emotional ties so that the mind does not turn to the dark side (depression) and cause a person to become socially isolated from family, friends and loved ones.
We fear loneliness so much that we ignore the fact that we spend most of our lives alone, shaking off the stress caused by the resulting anxieties.
This is why my sex activity is all in my head, while my hand is beating a tattoo to the south! >:)
Original post: September 1, 2011 at 6:27 PM
Reference:
Hypersexuality: http://bipolar.about.com/cs/hypersex/a/aa_hypersex.htm
Showing posts with label social isolation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label social isolation. Show all posts
20140108
Seclusion: Overcoming Social Isolation (satire)
Since social isolation causes psychological pain, another question must be addressed: "Why do seemingly normal people isolate themselves from society?"
Back on October 10, 2003 at 2:55 AM I wrote:
Seclusion is necessary, for 25% of our lives - since each of us do need time alone to reflect on their lives. To be in the presence of others for extended periods of time, one would have to give up a lot of privacy. As well, a highly socialized person would feel comfortable in the presence of other people.
However, a person who spends more than 50% of his time alone values his privacy. Of course, he is never alone totally since he will have to interact with merchants, his landlord, and even his own family.
Most likely, he may suffer from being alone, socially isolated from other people.
Overall, I wish to spend more time with people I have grown to love, and to learn to respect those of them who have caused me the most pain, since usually they turn out to be the most beloved of all the people to whom I have bonded.
Update: January 8, 2014 at 2006H
Few people can readily adapt to social isolation without suffering depression. I learned that knowing people care actually helped me recover.
Over the past decade, I have learned to respect my family.
It turns out that most the pain I attributed to my family was self-inflicted, being regret at not being able to live up to unrealistic expectations that arose in response to not being told what those expectations are.
Today, I have chosen one realistic expectation of myself, which is keep my expectations low enough to meet the demand of the day.
While most of my time is still spent alone, it is well spent outside the confines of my own home.
As a result, I feel that seclusion is time well spent being alone to reflect on my life. It also has become easier to spend the other 75% of my time in the presence of other people.
Even so, I only a little privacy over the past decade.
Of course, the lowest part of my life was circa 2010-2011. However, I have recovered from the worst of social isolation, which may have resulted in depression and much psychic pain, pain that affected my psyche to the point of procrastination and questioning my very existence.
After a year of therapy, the most important inspiration came from my psychotherapist when he told me, "You would never go to the Emergency Ward suffering from a complete mental breakdown." I interpret this to mean that I would take care of myself to prevent depression from taking over my life completely.
Indeed, once free from therapy, my life has been improving slowly but surely. Today, I know how to cope with sitting in my room by spending my time online, writing a blog, making music, and reading.
As well, I meditate from time to time, according to my time schedule, especially when spending time online. Every ninety minutes or so, I either meditate, have a snack, or read a book.
At the moment, I am in recovery from depression. This means I have developed the skills needed to cope with life, along with proper sleep hygiene (in bed no later than 2 AM), regular exercise, and meditation.
Today, it's not 2010 anymore. It's 2014, and the year has only begun.
And I am thankful to all the friends I made along the way.
Back on October 10, 2003 at 2:55 AM I wrote:
Seclusion is necessary, for 25% of our lives - since each of us do need time alone to reflect on their lives. To be in the presence of others for extended periods of time, one would have to give up a lot of privacy. As well, a highly socialized person would feel comfortable in the presence of other people.
However, a person who spends more than 50% of his time alone values his privacy. Of course, he is never alone totally since he will have to interact with merchants, his landlord, and even his own family.
Most likely, he may suffer from being alone, socially isolated from other people.
Overall, I wish to spend more time with people I have grown to love, and to learn to respect those of them who have caused me the most pain, since usually they turn out to be the most beloved of all the people to whom I have bonded.
Update: January 8, 2014 at 2006H
Few people can readily adapt to social isolation without suffering depression. I learned that knowing people care actually helped me recover.
Over the past decade, I have learned to respect my family.
It turns out that most the pain I attributed to my family was self-inflicted, being regret at not being able to live up to unrealistic expectations that arose in response to not being told what those expectations are.
Today, I have chosen one realistic expectation of myself, which is keep my expectations low enough to meet the demand of the day.
While most of my time is still spent alone, it is well spent outside the confines of my own home.
As a result, I feel that seclusion is time well spent being alone to reflect on my life. It also has become easier to spend the other 75% of my time in the presence of other people.
Even so, I only a little privacy over the past decade.
Of course, the lowest part of my life was circa 2010-2011. However, I have recovered from the worst of social isolation, which may have resulted in depression and much psychic pain, pain that affected my psyche to the point of procrastination and questioning my very existence.
After a year of therapy, the most important inspiration came from my psychotherapist when he told me, "You would never go to the Emergency Ward suffering from a complete mental breakdown." I interpret this to mean that I would take care of myself to prevent depression from taking over my life completely.
Indeed, once free from therapy, my life has been improving slowly but surely. Today, I know how to cope with sitting in my room by spending my time online, writing a blog, making music, and reading.
As well, I meditate from time to time, according to my time schedule, especially when spending time online. Every ninety minutes or so, I either meditate, have a snack, or read a book.
At the moment, I am in recovery from depression. This means I have developed the skills needed to cope with life, along with proper sleep hygiene (in bed no later than 2 AM), regular exercise, and meditation.
Today, it's not 2010 anymore. It's 2014, and the year has only begun.
And I am thankful to all the friends I made along the way.
20130316
Unconditional love (loving-kindness)
While greatly treasured, unconditional love can only be shared with all sentient beings, lest the dragon within us hide all our feelings and emotions while we live in social isolation.
Thus, the goal of all self-actualized people is to be sociable. This goal is a guide, an ideal for which we strive. Some of us have a lot of friends, while other people have only a few friends or none at all.
Even so, that should not stop anyone from trying to sustain the sharing of unconditional love.
This is no quest of intellect, but the journey of the heart!
Original post: December 23, 2010 0744H
Update posted: March 16, 2013 0035H
20121130
Hasidic Jewess Fights Back
On Google Plus, this Jewish women led me to find out that this alone is her battle.
"Though the young woman’s parents had asked her to drop the case as recently as this spring, the victim testified, about 20 members of her family came to show their support in court."
I am certain that her husband supported her decision to help bring closure.
It is a touching story, and one that most people would like to ignore, just as the Hasidic community does to anyone who reports such things to outsiders.
While I do not have a problem with Hasidism, its rules promote social isolation which makes it a ripe hunting ground for sexual predators within the community, as well as increasing the risk for depression due to its rules imposed on the community.
Thankfully, because this young 18-year-old woman is female, there is a ground swell of support both inside and outside the Jewish community.
Hopefully the next male victim of a reb who is a pedophile will come forward, and the advocates against child abuse will rally to his cause, too.
"Though the young woman’s parents had asked her to drop the case as recently as this spring, the victim testified, about 20 members of her family came to show their support in court."
I am certain that her husband supported her decision to help bring closure.
It is a touching story, and one that most people would like to ignore, just as the Hasidic community does to anyone who reports such things to outsiders.
While I do not have a problem with Hasidism, its rules promote social isolation which makes it a ripe hunting ground for sexual predators within the community, as well as increasing the risk for depression due to its rules imposed on the community.
Thankfully, because this young 18-year-old woman is female, there is a ground swell of support both inside and outside the Jewish community.
Hopefully the next male victim of a reb who is a pedophile will come forward, and the advocates against child abuse will rally to his cause, too.
20121113
Depression As Disease Manufactures Mental Health Consumers
Social isolation leads to the feeling of being left out of most of what happened to almost every one of my peers.
The only people who know what I was going through are close friends.
All that society sees is a socially inept man who is Asian. Then they make unconscious assumptions about cultural differences which influences their biases favouring the West.
This is highly inappropriate to my recovery from depression.
A more holistic pro-active choice would be to publicly object to the current manufacturing of "depression as a disease."
This isn't a disease: this is the result of all actors' participation in isolating depressed people from mainstream society until the depressed think that anxiety and resultant phobia are normal when they are not.
Normality demands so much of a person that most anxious people who later develop depression is stressed to the point of devloping neuroticisms.
Society's current "all or nothing" approach, complete with one-sidedness, only promotes the "depression as disease" to compliant mental health consumers.
It is this rampant consumerism which aids in manufacturing depression according to the mental health catalog DSM.
What a bag of coals the gift of diagnosis is!
The only people who know what I was going through are close friends.
All that society sees is a socially inept man who is Asian. Then they make unconscious assumptions about cultural differences which influences their biases favouring the West.
This is highly inappropriate to my recovery from depression.
A more holistic pro-active choice would be to publicly object to the current manufacturing of "depression as a disease."
This isn't a disease: this is the result of all actors' participation in isolating depressed people from mainstream society until the depressed think that anxiety and resultant phobia are normal when they are not.
Normality demands so much of a person that most anxious people who later develop depression is stressed to the point of devloping neuroticisms.
Society's current "all or nothing" approach, complete with one-sidedness, only promotes the "depression as disease" to compliant mental health consumers.
It is this rampant consumerism which aids in manufacturing depression according to the mental health catalog DSM.
What a bag of coals the gift of diagnosis is!
20110519
Quality time affected by Internet use
It has been noted that excessive online time cuts into time spent cultivating relationships with friends, family and loved ones. |
Reference:
How Much Time People Spent Online in 2010 (US Statistics) | TechDasher: http://techdasher.com/average-time-people-spent-online-in-2010-u-s-statistics/
Average Internet User Now Spends 68 Hours Per Month Online | Masher:
http://mashable.com/2009/10/14/net-usage-nielsen/
20101213
Rethinking social networking & social isolation
Online social networking barely meets the challenges of social isolation - mainly because no matter how long I have been in contact with a person online, if I am socially isolated, then the risks of social networking include trust (who do I trust?) and self-disclosure.
Usually the rule-of-thumb here is to trust only persons you know in real life. For a socially isolated person such as I, the number of people I know who I trust in real life is at minimum of 6 or less people.
Given that most of the friends on your online social network (internet messengers such as MSN Messenger and Yahoo Chat) are strangers who you will never meet, the best practice is to keep your self-disclosures to a minimum with them and thus follow a "don't ask, don't tell" rule i.e. unless a person asks, you don't disclose personal information.
Personal information includes any information which identifies me such as first name, last name, address, phone number, date of birth, bank account number, etc.
Likewise, I make it a rule not to disclose my personal information unless I totally trust that person. If anyone asks, and I don't trust them, then I reserve the right to not disclose such information.
If you do give a deeper self-disclosure online, then the rule is to be pro-active if and when other strangers online who don't know you that well try to use that information to bully, harass, insult and intimidate you. This includes avoidance of revenge even when the insults lead you to focus on the negative rather than the positive.
Rather than revenge, the proper response is silence. Since that person does not know you and is trying harass you, by not responding, you do not look like someone who is reacting to what he or she divulges about you. Nothing stops an internet bully like silence.
Ultimately I am responsible for the amount of self-disclosure I make online.
Returning to online social networking, social isolation may lead to embarrassing side effects, such as being too forward in online social networking services. The counteraction to this forwardness is to limit my use of social network services.
In my case, I have found that most of my embarrassing moments in social networking services has occurred when I am extremely fatigued i.e. the result of inadequate rest. It is remedied by going to sleep at or around midnight rather than 3 AM.
Usually the rule-of-thumb here is to trust only persons you know in real life. For a socially isolated person such as I, the number of people I know who I trust in real life is at minimum of 6 or less people.
Given that most of the friends on your online social network (internet messengers such as MSN Messenger and Yahoo Chat) are strangers who you will never meet, the best practice is to keep your self-disclosures to a minimum with them and thus follow a "don't ask, don't tell" rule i.e. unless a person asks, you don't disclose personal information.
Personal information includes any information which identifies me such as first name, last name, address, phone number, date of birth, bank account number, etc.
Likewise, I make it a rule not to disclose my personal information unless I totally trust that person. If anyone asks, and I don't trust them, then I reserve the right to not disclose such information.
If you do give a deeper self-disclosure online, then the rule is to be pro-active if and when other strangers online who don't know you that well try to use that information to bully, harass, insult and intimidate you. This includes avoidance of revenge even when the insults lead you to focus on the negative rather than the positive.
Rather than revenge, the proper response is silence. Since that person does not know you and is trying harass you, by not responding, you do not look like someone who is reacting to what he or she divulges about you. Nothing stops an internet bully like silence.
Ultimately I am responsible for the amount of self-disclosure I make online.
Returning to online social networking, social isolation may lead to embarrassing side effects, such as being too forward in online social networking services. The counteraction to this forwardness is to limit my use of social network services.
In my case, I have found that most of my embarrassing moments in social networking services has occurred when I am extremely fatigued i.e. the result of inadequate rest. It is remedied by going to sleep at or around midnight rather than 3 AM.
20070419
Hikikomori: Social Anxiety Due to PTSD Arising From Pressure to Succeed in an Emotionally Reserved Setting (which may explain Cho Seung-Hui's life)
For much of my twenties and thirties, I may have suffered a form of hikikomori, a uniquely Japanese form of sociopathy with a risk for violence due to social isolation.
Here's a full description of the disorder, and roots to its origins. The concept of hone (inner voice) and tatamae (outer voice) may be unique to the Japanese, but the terms I use for each of them relates to the inner voice that when inappropriately expressed may lead to social isolation and the outer voice that is appropriately expressed which leads to social integration into the group.
Thus, one only expresses the inner voice to become individualistic, while the outer voice leads one to become at one with the group, be it one's friends or society at large.
April 19, 2007: Perhaps this explains Cho Seung-Hui's early life until age 16, the year before 9/11.
The following is a quote from Mark Zielenziger's first chapter of his book, SHUTTING OUT THE SUN, which may explain Cho's first 17 years of his life (until 9/11 shocked him and the rest of us out of our sense of isolation from the horrors of terrorism).
Bluntly put, Cho's murder-suicide is another of a long blood trail of domestic terrorism, but then again so is any form of violence when it brings a chill of terror to even one heart.
A SYNDROME KNOWN AS HIKIKOMORI, IN which the outside world is shunned, is wreaking havoc on young people in Japan, a country known for its communal values. And an older generation--the very bastion of those old-fashioned values--may be to blame, according to a controversial new theory.
Hikikomori (the term refers to the behavior itself and to those who suffer from it) was first recognized in the early 1990s. One million Japanese, or almost 1 percent of the population, are estimated to suffer from hikikomori, defined as a withdrawal from friends and family for months or even years. Some 40 percent of hikikomori are below the age of 21, according to a 2001 government report.
Western psychologists compare hikikomori with social anxiety and agoraphobia, a fear of open places. The affliction has also been likened to Asperger's syndrome, a mild variant of autism. But these theories carry little weight in Japan, where the disorder is considered culturally unique and is linked to violence.
Yuichi Hattori, M.A., a psychologist currently treating 18 patients with the disorder, believes that hikikomori is caused by emotionally neglectful parenting. Hattori argues that none of his patients had been sexually or physically abused, yet they all show signs of posttraumatic stress disorder.
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As the cultural gap between Japan's youth and elders widens, some young Japanese may view their parents as too stony-faced and reserved. Hattori speaks of Japanese society's deep-rooted division between hone and tatemae--one's true feelings and one's actions--to illustrate the frustration his patients express toward aloof parents.
"Patients tell me their mothers have no emotions," says Hattori. "Six patients have called their parents zombies."
Hattori's findings, presented in November to the International Society for the Study of Dissociation, are reminiscent of the now-discredited theory of the "refrigerator mother," which attributed autism to a detached style of parenting.
"Hikikomori looks more to me like an extreme case of social anxiety," says David Kupfer, Ph.D., a psychologist with a private practice in Virginia. Emotionally unresponsive parents are only one of the factors involved in the development of this disorder, says Kupfer, who points out that "in Japan, the pressure to succeed is a unique cultural source of trauma."
For now, Eastern and Western psychologists agree only that hikikomori is unique to Japan and has serious ramifications for both generations.
COPYRIGHT 2003 Sussex Publishers, Inc.
COPYRIGHT 2003 Gale Group
Here's a full description of the disorder, and roots to its origins. The concept of hone (inner voice) and tatamae (outer voice) may be unique to the Japanese, but the terms I use for each of them relates to the inner voice that when inappropriately expressed may lead to social isolation and the outer voice that is appropriately expressed which leads to social integration into the group.
Thus, one only expresses the inner voice to become individualistic, while the outer voice leads one to become at one with the group, be it one's friends or society at large.
April 19, 2007: Perhaps this explains Cho Seung-Hui's early life until age 16, the year before 9/11.
The following is a quote from Mark Zielenziger's first chapter of his book, SHUTTING OUT THE SUN, which may explain Cho's first 17 years of his life (until 9/11 shocked him and the rest of us out of our sense of isolation from the horrors of terrorism).
Bluntly put, Cho's murder-suicide is another of a long blood trail of domestic terrorism, but then again so is any form of violence when it brings a chill of terror to even one heart.
A SYNDROME KNOWN AS HIKIKOMORI, IN which the outside world is shunned, is wreaking havoc on young people in Japan, a country known for its communal values. And an older generation--the very bastion of those old-fashioned values--may be to blame, according to a controversial new theory.
Hikikomori (the term refers to the behavior itself and to those who suffer from it) was first recognized in the early 1990s. One million Japanese, or almost 1 percent of the population, are estimated to suffer from hikikomori, defined as a withdrawal from friends and family for months or even years. Some 40 percent of hikikomori are below the age of 21, according to a 2001 government report.
Western psychologists compare hikikomori with social anxiety and agoraphobia, a fear of open places. The affliction has also been likened to Asperger's syndrome, a mild variant of autism. But these theories carry little weight in Japan, where the disorder is considered culturally unique and is linked to violence.
Yuichi Hattori, M.A., a psychologist currently treating 18 patients with the disorder, believes that hikikomori is caused by emotionally neglectful parenting. Hattori argues that none of his patients had been sexually or physically abused, yet they all show signs of posttraumatic stress disorder.
Advertisement
As the cultural gap between Japan's youth and elders widens, some young Japanese may view their parents as too stony-faced and reserved. Hattori speaks of Japanese society's deep-rooted division between hone and tatemae--one's true feelings and one's actions--to illustrate the frustration his patients express toward aloof parents.
"Patients tell me their mothers have no emotions," says Hattori. "Six patients have called their parents zombies."
Hattori's findings, presented in November to the International Society for the Study of Dissociation, are reminiscent of the now-discredited theory of the "refrigerator mother," which attributed autism to a detached style of parenting.
"Hikikomori looks more to me like an extreme case of social anxiety," says David Kupfer, Ph.D., a psychologist with a private practice in Virginia. Emotionally unresponsive parents are only one of the factors involved in the development of this disorder, says Kupfer, who points out that "in Japan, the pressure to succeed is a unique cultural source of trauma."
For now, Eastern and Western psychologists agree only that hikikomori is unique to Japan and has serious ramifications for both generations.
COPYRIGHT 2003 Sussex Publishers, Inc.
COPYRIGHT 2003 Gale Group
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