Kokoro / Heart-mind: One heart, two-minds

心が思いやりを象徴するので、心臓心が感情を感じている。

合理的心臓が理性と制御を象徴するので、我々は愚かになるといけないので、それは、心を支配するようべきである。

Romaji transliteration:
Kokoro ga omoiyari o shōchō surunode, shinzō kokoro ga kanjō o kanjite iru.

Gōri-teki shinzō ga risei to seigyo o shōchō surunode, wareware wa oroka ni naruto ikenainode, soreha, kokoro o shihai suru yōbekidearu.
English translation:
Because the heart symbolizes compassion, the heart mind feels emotion.

Because the rational mind symbolizes reason and control, it ought to dominate the heart, lest we become mindless.

What this means is the heart symbolizes emotions and feelings; and the rational mind, reason and control. This is the essence of the original concept of "one heart and two minds" (一つの心、二心 / hitotsu no kokoro, futagokoro).

Unconditional love (loving-kindness)

While greatly treasured, unconditional love can only be shared with all sentient beings, lest the dragon within us hide all our feelings and emotions while we live in social isolation.

Thus, the goal of all self-actualized people is to be sociable. This goal is a guide, an ideal for which we strive. Some of us have a lot of friends, while other people have only a few friends or none at all.

Even so, that should not stop anyone from trying to sustain the sharing of unconditional love.

This is no quest of intellect, but the journey of the heart!

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Original post: December 23, 2010 0744H
Update posted: March 16, 2013 0035H

Overcoming the Death of Reason

In this article, I plan to discuss the apparent death of reason in people who value their emotions and feelings over rational thought. Within context of this article, I also will access and display my personal experience to support my opinion that meditation is very useful for integrating rational thought with the emotions and feelings that we have. By integrating reason with feelings, it is possible to maintain emotional control without losing it. All it begins with is one breath...

Throughout my life, I have found the death of reason to be interesting because of the social repercussions. When a person has an emotional reaction, it appears as though all reason has left him. If I respond with logic and reason to his emotional response, he insists of staying angry and excited. Thus, it's wise to walk away from a person who is killing his ability to reason by remaining in a state of extreme excitement.

While walking away sounds cowardly, it is actually the safest thing to do when a person is overcome by their emotions. For misery loves the company of dreadfully depressing states of mind. Every year, most people suffer because they actually value their feelings over their ability to reason. When they think about it, their solidify their feelings into emotions, and thus hijack their ability to reason in a holistic manner which could greatly improve not only their life but also their mind.

When I was a child, I lacked the ability to coherently apply reason to cool my anger, moderate dislike, and handle my fears. A good example which comes to mind was my fear of caterpillars. I remember one day disturbing a bunch of caterpillars on a bush which reacted to disturbing their meal but rising up on their hind legs and waving their bodies. It was only years later, when I learned that caterpillars do this to scare off predators. In my child's mind, it was not normal for small bugs to move like that.

So when a few years later, when my brother pushed me into a bush, I freaked out. While I am unsure of what exactly I'd exclaimed, it might go like this: "Ahhh, the caterpillars are gonna eat me! Augh!!!" In response to my behavior, my brother could only laugh. If I had snapped out of it at this point, I would have slugged him on the arm, telling him "don't laugh at me!"

However, I am an adult now, and the above scene brings a smile of amusement to my face. For the reasonal mind I possess has lost most of the ready ability to emotional respond to a situation. When I do respond, it's of amusement rather than the appropriate emotion that is expected in a given situation. Yet this annoys people who expect consistency to match the appropriate emotion in a given scenario.

However, I have also learned to not react strongly to any given emotion. Even though I might feel fear in my heart, my mind is saying one thing: "I fear no evil."

How is this possible? Well, I have a secret weapon to maintain impulse control, which is nedded in today's fast-paced world. It is called meditation. Ancients have called it the true form of mind control, thus implying that brainwashing and other forms of mind control are myths of the modern age which show that the fear of being controlled by other people is a human fear.

However, I digress.

How does meditation lead to control of my mind? It begins with the breath, and ends when you mind is calm, so calm you can see with the clarity of reason that allowing your emotions to cloud your reason, it's as though you lose all ability to reason.

Who wants that in the real world? It makes you look immature when you get angry and rage just because the coffee is too hot. It is safer to wait until you think the coffee is cool enough to drink, or even better, blow on the surface of the drink before drinking. In doing so, you actually perform a shortened version of meditation. Usually the result of taking time to slowly drink coffee is the lack of burns in your mouth and on your lips. You also save your esophagus.

Thus, it's possible with meditation on a large scale to save your life from the death of reason.

Meditation is not about sitting on your ass and staring at your navel. If you want to do this more effectively, buy a wall mirror and sit in front of it. Seriously though, meditation is more than just sitting. It is not a navel-gazing, but it is the mind gazing at the monkey and throwing it bananas to slow its dance.

How then does meditation save your life? Well, when reason trumps emotions, you tend to think more clearly. Believe me when I say meditation leads to the calm mind of reason and promote the clarity of mind that can kill emotions' destructive rampage in the mind. It can also lead to quicker and more reasonable responses to danger than to jump up in a movie theatre crying "Fire."

So the next time you feel like doing just that, don't panic. Instead, take a deep breath and see if you can smell smoke.

My Way of Learning from the Past

Looking over what I have written on my blog, I have made peace with what happened five years ago (2007).

This is why I have forgotten most of that year. Though I do review that part of my life from time to time to understand myself better.

However, because of the risks of being candid with my feelings online, I'm not going share them unless asked.

People do mature, and part of that maturity includes keeping one's true feelings to oneself, to save everyone else from the awkwardness that total honesty sometimes evokes.

To people who claim that I am being two-faced or worse, that I am dishonest, those are weasel words. On the Internet, honesty does not mean you tell your audience the truth.

When the time comes to be candid, each of us will choose what truths to share, while holding back the truths we hold vital to the very existence of our personal privacy.

Thus, honesty on the Internet requires only that I be sincere about the truths that I share.

Furthermore, I try to live according to the Japanese philosophy of honne and tatemae.

One's true feelings and desires are personal and private. They may reflect in the behavior and opinions one holds in public (façade). Sometimes, it is more practical to behave and speak according to each situation.

This only seems to be deceit, when viewed through a cultural lens that follows the either-or fallacy about truth.

In holding back the honest truth, one does not lie when the truths revealed help to prevent loss of face.

If I write that my father died, and do not write my feelings about it, then that only means that my feelings are personal and private. His death is mentioned to show that I do have feelings about that date.

Just because I didn't fully describe my feelings about my father's death, it cannot be assumed that I didn't feel loss or pain.

At this time I will admit that I was moderately depressed at the time due to losing my best friend the previous year (2006).

However, I've overcome depression and am managing it by treating the insomnia it causes. This is as much important as being able to express my emotions and process them.

If you were to ask how I feel now, then I would answer "I feel that the worst of my depression is over, and I have come to terms with both my friend's and my father's deaths."

For I would rather remember the best moments shared with my father, rather than wish he were alive.

As for my friend's death, it wasn't until I'd actually stopped wishing he was still alive that my mourning over him stopped.

Likewise, I try to remember the best moments shared with my friend.

Blog to Write "It" Out

"It" refers to my thoughts and opinions, with careful consideration of what I write.

I enjoy going back to edit my blog until what I write feels true to me — usually closer to reason than gut feeling, though sometimes with a mix of rational and emotive thought when necessary.

Yet I prepare my thoughts before I put my feelings out.

For blogging isn't a daily process at the moment because a life solely lived on the Internet lacks the inspiration that interaction with people in real life brings.

While that's my opinion, we are all free to chose how we manage our lives, accordingly.

Though there is more to life than living on the Internet.

Every time I step out of my home, I savour every moment away as much as I do when returning home.

Writing a blog entry helps me to express my thoughts, and explore my feelings in a way which is more public than my private journal entries.

Although public opinion requires appropriate content, much of my private writing will not be exposed in this blog so as to preserve my peace of mind.

For self-disclosure of matters best left private has often been unsettling, and sometimes embarrassing to me.

Sometimes I even dread reading this blog after staying late the previous night, least I discover that one of my posts of the previous day contains something which might come back to haunt me.

That's easily solved by going to bed at a decent time, coupled with thinking long and hard about what I wish to write helps me to rest comfortably.

That blogging has helped me become aware of the difference between self and other is why I keep blogging.

If I wish to be helpful to others through this blog, then it's by expressing myself thoughtfully and with careful consideration of the fact that other people may be reading it.

Yes, I am careful about my choice of words when blogging, and admit to some self-censorship.

Other times, though, when the topic is abuse and violence, I will express my feelings strongly.

Life is too precious to wish the worst happened to other people — if I had done so in this blog, then I will find that entry and having regretted writing it, edit or delete it, depending on how I presently feel about the content I'd been writing.

If that's called being inconsistent, then I am guilty of it. If in the past I wrote something that insults someone or makes light of tragedy, then when I find it, I'll edit it to remain consistent with good taste. If this is self-censorship, so be it.

While that may sound politically correct, this blog would not be online long were I to step outside the boundaries of common sense.

With careful preparation, I like to blog to write it out — my thoughts and feelings about myself and others.

Self-control (poem)

Hard it is to be independent
of others, when in their presence
I wrestle with negative emotions and feelings,
which are completely my own.

Easy it is to be independent
of others, when in their presence
I let only positive emotions and feelings
remain in my control alone.

What then is the difference
between negative and positive feelings
but the responsibility for
one's emotions in the face of others
which compassion provides?
This is the gift of loving-kindness.

For loving-kindness has been there
from birth until death, which is not
the choice of any person —
and grateful am I to my Higher Power
for knowing the difference between
what I cannot change and what I can!

Meditation and Buddha Nature

As a Buddhist I cannot suppress my original nature.

My original nature is Buddha Nature. For all sentient beings are born good.

Living life without spiritual guidance leads to behavioral and mental negativities which hide my original nature.

I find this Buddhist truth liberating.

Yet knowing of this truth is not enough: the Buddhist practises meditation to clear the mind of those negativities daily.

In clearing your mind, you see the origin of jealousy, anger, envy, greed, sloth, shame, guilt and other mental negativities.

You also see the origin of positive emotions such as joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration, awe, and love.

Then you learn how to stop clinging to your emotions by letting go of each one you experience. For emotions and feelings rise and fall with your mood.

Having seen their origins, you choose to experience both the negative and positive emotions without clinging to them so that you live your life fully.

In this way are the behavioral and mental negativities seen for what they are: afflictions which are easily remedied once we stop clinging to them.

Having let go of such negativities, the wise ones enjoy positive emotions, being freed of their afflictions.

Through the mindful use of meditation, you learn to use your emotions and feelings wisely.

When used unwisely, both the negative and positive emotions are but mental negativities which give rise to behavioral negativities. Indeed, unwise use is when emotions are experienced excessively to extremes or suppressed needlessly.

When used wisely in moderation, emotions, feelings and the intellect are expressions of Buddha Nature.

Possible Solutions to Cognitive Distortions

Usually when a person is negative about what another person has said or written, it says more about his unconscious negativity in his life.

In some rare cases, it may be indication of any number of cognitive distortions.

If so, here's what I managed to come up with as possible solutions to key cognitive distortions.

1) Things do not fit black and white categories. This is the fallacy of all or nothing thinking. Things might be both grey and colourful. The proof of this is the metaphor of a digital photograph, which is saturated with colours and tinged with shades of grey. Likewise, being human, I am not perfect and live within the limits of my imperfection. The solution here is found in pausing to reflect on the greyness of living in post-modern times.

2) A single negative event does not fit into any sort of pattern of defeat. This is a fallacy of over-generalization. For each event has both positive and negative qualities. Therefore, I need to focus on accepting the event as happening as it is.

3) The fallacy of the mental filter is that it distorts reality into being just the focus of one negative detail which is dwelt on until all of reality is darkened. What positive details I may have noticed are forgotten, but not for long. I may think of the positive details as they come into focus. Thus, reality is not dark nor is it just that one negative detail.

The truth is, reality is composed of neutral events and things to which each of us ascribes positive or negative qualities based on criteria according to a multitude of factors including our experiences, education, vocation, and so on.

4) Positive experiences are more important to my well-being than negative experiences. The fallacy of disqualifying the positive is that it rejects those positive experiences based on the flimsy criteria that "it does not count" or some other baseless claim. Everyday experience consistently demonstrates that positive experiences occur more often than negative ones, because that is the way the human mind works. It is how the universe works.

5) The fallacy of jumping to conclusions consists of the negative interpretation of events despite there being no definite facts which convincingly support the conclusion. One variety of jumping to conclusions is mind reading, where I may conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don't bother to check this out. The solution to this is to either check it out or to pro-actively drop all thought of the matter using meditation. The other variety of this fallacy is the fortune teller error, where I may anticipate that things will turn out badly, and feel that my prediction is an already-established fact. The solution to the fortune teller error is to not anticipate any kind of outcome at all, but to go with the flow i.e. life will bring to me great rewards when I go out into the world.

6) The fallacy of magnification (catastrophizing i.e. making a catastrophe of a thing) or minimization is the exaggeration of the importance of things (my mistakes or someone else's achievements) or "the binocular trick", the inappropriate shrinking of things (events, details) until they appear tiny (my own desirable qualities or the other person's imperfections). The solution to exaggeration of importance requires a lot more work i.e. everything is of equal importance, neither greater or lesser. My own desirable qualities is as important as the next person's. Other people's imperfections are usually of no consequence. Indeed, the fallacy of magnification requires meditation consisting of careful reflection on the matter in order to cut through the delusion of magnification, catastrophizing and minimization.
7) The fallacy of emotional reasoning is that I may assume my negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things are i.e. "I feel it, therefore it must be true." The solution here is to see that the way things are are equally devoid of my emotions, positive or negative. If I feel that the way things are as "bad", then that is not true. If I feel that the way things are "good", then that is not true either. My feelings do not make the way things are true or false. The fallacy of emotional reasoning is the fallacy of the false dilemma.

8) The fallacy of should statements consists of the use of "should" and "shouldn't", as if one had to be whipped and punished before being expected to do anything. "Must" and "ought" are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When I direct should statements towards others, I feel anger, frustration, and resentment. The solution to this fallacy is to mindfully let go of guilt, and have no expectations of self and others.

9) The fallacy of labelling and mislabelling is the extreme form of over-generalization. Rather than describing my error, I attach a negative label to myself. Rather than admitting I didn't visit my mother , I call myself a "bad son". When someone else's behaviour rubs me the wrong way, I attach a negative label to him: "He's weird". Mislabelling involves describing an event with language that is highly coloured and emotionally loaded. These labels may have context in the real world, but only within the dysfunctional context.

Such over-generalizations are inappropriate judgement calls which are not helpful in any situation since they tend to create more stress and suffering for each of us.

Thus the solution to labelling and mislabelling is to let go of any tendency to label and mislabel behaviour and people. In order to do so, I will cultivate, maintain and perpetuate a nonjudgmental attitude towards life.

Reflection on the Tao (poem)

With the right training
the mind is a precious tool.
Ego forgotten, feelings yielding
to the tamed mind leads
the way to the heart of Tao.

Yet when common sense fails us,
neither ego nor the untamed mind are of use.
All that is left then is the heart.

Fed by desire and passion,
emotions and feelings seem wonderful,
yet are worthless clothing the ego.

Indeed, the humble power of the heart
helps us to forget ourselves,
and to wield Mind softly with love.

Gently desires paint
the soul with the melody of passion,
until the sunrise of compassion
awakens our hearts to the Tao.

Letting go of desire,
grasping only straw,
let the heart lead.

A Week of Inhibition: No Open Season on My Personal Life

October 21, 2009: During the week I spent not taking a picture with my camera, worrying needlessly about finances, I just felt totally inhibited all that time.

Right now, it's hard to do the things I want to do well. Most likely, it is because the 6 hours of sleep last night.

When inhibited, my personal feelings get muddled. I am not healthily in touch with them. Yet by writing about them, I am demonstrating control over them, perhaps too much control.

As well, much of today's entry is about feelings which are in flux. Nothing I write about are about something permanent and fixed in time.

Of course, today's entry is also lacking in detail about my life in general. It's not supposed to be a detailed analysis of my life.

For I am guarded about my personal life because it would be shameless of me to describe in detail why I am craving privacy now. It is because I've decided to handle my personal finances without going into details.

Returning to photography, as mentioned in the beginning of today's blog entry, I've taken three pictures, and stopped because the rain ruined a couple shots.

And even though the rain hasn't stopped me before, I feel that taking a lot of shots isn't going to make them less blurry and rain-streaked.

So, when looking at my personal life, it can be seen as out of focus because of inhibition.

For when going into detail about my life, that's similar to a clear picture on a sunny day taken with a camera. So, my life appears out of focus because inhibition blurs whatever clear picture I may make of it.

Yet the mistakes I've made today are too few when compared to the things I've accomplished such as managing my money, and taking care of errands, which are personal and private.

I loathe doing this fearless inventory of myself - it makes me realize that my feelings do not reflect an accurate picture of who I am. Even though it is most definitely a delusion, I feel less complete as a person, like something is missing.

I feel less happy, because my feelings tell me that all those many photographs I took were done to not closely examine myself without fear.

So perhaps by now examining myself, yet not detailing those feelings and emotions, and correctly assigning them, I am trying to maintain a balance between feelings and reason.
Update: 20130118.1153

Today I try to get out three times a week or more. As a result of changes I made in my lifestyle, I have no anxiety or any symptoms of depression. Te current medication I am taking is 200 mg of gabapentin and 10 mg of cyclobenzaprine at bedtime.

Weird Dreams: a Personal Analysis

Recently my friend/roommate Frank died.

Last week I had a dream where he came back to visit.

He was dressed in black. Most of the dream is fuzzy, but I believe we rode in a really nice car.

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At the time I originally wrote this post, I had sunk into a depression over his death. It took me six years to get over his death and move on. The car in this dream is based on my memory of always being with Frank in his car.

Since Frank was a friend, this dream may have been telling me to make friends with myself i.e. to know myself better. The car represents my journey in life. The color black represents mourning. It also represents luxury and power. Overall, though, this dream was telling me to accept his death.


A later dream occurred a few years later. In it I was in a room with Frank at the far corner of the room. There were large boxes between us which made it hard to get to him.

The dream ended before I got to him.

This dream shows that at the time I still was not accepting Frank's death and moving on, since I was trying to get to him but had to negotiate through a maze of these boxes to him.

The boxes represent emotions and feelings that I was repressing. Frank being in the corner meant that I missed him.

The maze of boxes indicate that my journey in life is encountering difficulties due to not dealing with my emotions at the time.


Today, I barely remember my dreams, which is a good sign as it means I have come to terms with Frank's death and have learned to express my feelings more appropriately.

Originally posted: July 26, 2006 1631H
Updated: February 10, 2013 1303H

Compassion: Letting the Head Rule Over the Heart

Once touched by compassion, a person has difficulty reverting to his previous life when passion ruled.

He knows that reason tempers emotions.

Thus, this is the essence of the concept of "mind over matter."

In matters of love, it is prudent to let the head rule the heart.

Otherwise, we end up falling in love, not with the object of our desire, but with a false love, the pale reflection of unconditional love itself.

In doing so, we see life as though "through a mirror darkly."

By letting reason rule over passion, a person who truly knows compassion, having risen above his passions, is truly able to love all people equally, unconditionally. This called equanimity

Let this be the measure of the depth of your compassion, to allow the embrace of unconditional love to touch your heart.

All it takes is love...

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Originally posted: May 18, 2005 1715H
Updated: February 8, 2013 2051H