My Way of Learning from the Past

Looking over what I have written on my blog, I have made peace with what happened five years ago (2007).

This is why I have forgotten most of that year. Though I do review that part of my life from time to time to understand myself better.

However, because of the risks of being candid with my feelings online, I'm not going share them unless asked.

People do mature, and part of that maturity includes keeping one's true feelings to oneself, to save everyone else from the awkwardness that total honesty sometimes evokes.

To people who claim that I am being two-faced or worse, that I am dishonest, those are weasel words. On the Internet, honesty does not mean you tell your audience the truth.

When the time comes to be candid, each of us will choose what truths to share, while holding back the truths we hold vital to the very existence of our personal privacy.

Thus, honesty on the Internet requires only that I be sincere about the truths that I share.

Furthermore, I try to live according to the Japanese philosophy of honne and tatemae.

One's true feelings and desires are personal and private. They may reflect in the behavior and opinions one holds in public (façade). Sometimes, it is more practical to behave and speak according to each situation.

This only seems to be deceit, when viewed through a cultural lens that follows the either-or fallacy about truth.

In holding back the honest truth, one does not lie when the truths revealed help to prevent loss of face.

If I write that my father died, and do not write my feelings about it, then that only means that my feelings are personal and private. His death is mentioned to show that I do have feelings about that date.

Just because I didn't fully describe my feelings about my father's death, it cannot be assumed that I didn't feel loss or pain.

At this time I will admit that I was moderately depressed at the time due to losing my best friend the previous year (2006).

However, I've overcome depression and am managing it by treating the insomnia it causes. This is as much important as being able to express my emotions and process them.

If you were to ask how I feel now, then I would answer "I feel that the worst of my depression is over, and I have come to terms with both my friend's and my father's deaths."

For I would rather remember the best moments shared with my father, rather than wish he were alive.

As for my friend's death, it wasn't until I'd actually stopped wishing he was still alive that my mourning over him stopped.

Likewise, I try to remember the best moments shared with my friend.