Sometimes I get anxious over the thought that people lying about me. Repeatedly I will obsess about that thought.
However, I know that it isn't true.
When I think other people are lying about me, it actually is me lying to myself. This is why it's hard to write truthfully about myself, because I don't know if the truth I write about myself is actually a lie or the truth.
Overall, that uncertainty leads me to falsely assume other people are lying to me.
Sometimes when I'm this candid in my blog, a few people might object to it. However, that's their choice.
I am certain that my thoughts are better managed when I write about them. Just thinking about them isn't what the problem is.
By obsessive thinking about a concern until it becomes a worry — that is the problem.
Here is the solution:
Writing about it relieves that worry because of the change of focus from thinking about it to writing about it.
Furthermore, writing about my thoughts requires critical thinking and reasoning. In contrast, thinking when anxious only requires the irrational fear of untruth.
By writing candidly about my thoughts, I am reducing the risk factors associated with anxiety and narcissism.
Self disclosure has the risks associated with exposing my vulnerabilities to the scrutiny of public opinion, but it is counteracted by the narcissism inherent in maintaining a blog.
Thus the benefits of writing about my thoughts and feelings on my blog outweigh these risks.
Showing posts with label blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blog. Show all posts
20151016
Introducing Dalek God, My Blog About All Things Dalek
Introducing my new blog, Dalek God, which is about my spin on Daleks from the Doctor Who series on the BBC.
Hopefully I won't run into any copyright troubles with the BBC.
Hopefully I won't run into any copyright troubles with the BBC.
20131128
Mental Illness as Society's Reaction to Inappropriate Honesty (satire)
In order to deal with reality, we sometimes develop elaborate fictions to cover the past or a defect of character.
Apart from the ravages of drug abuse, including the psychosis resulting from B-vitamins deficiency, which is prevalent amongst chronic alcoholics and may be part of other forms of abuse - though never acknowledged, few people would consider their fictions as the cumulative effect of the clever white lies they daily say over the course of a lifetime.
Even when we are threatened by a mortal illness which is in part due to the idiosyncratic varieties of personality and their attendant mental habits, few of us are willing to admit that it is due to lying to ourselves about reality.
Might mental illness be due to a history of white lies used to handle reality?
Maybe so, maybe not. Consider the white lies the State feeds us daily both through law enforcement (e.g. cannabis drug laws) and the media, be it news and edutainment (talk shows, reality TV, movies and advertisement).
Indeed, propaganda might be both cause and effect of the human ability to conceal the truth by not mentioning the obvious.
Schizophrenia might just be an effect of a society that cannot handle honesty and truth 24/7.
Some civilizations fell because a few revolutionaries became too honest about their current situation and caused doubt amongst the representatives of the ruling body for a specific monarchy, only to have a civil war fuelled by differences in ideology (monarchy versus nationalism and later, socialism versus free-market capitalism).
Russia's descent into communism was a post-modern example of this.
Most recently, examples of ideological warfare include the political damage control occurring in America due to Wikileaks, the recent protests in the Maghreb (north Africa from Morocco to Egypt) and in the Middle East (especially Libya, Egypt and Syria), and the hype and propaganda on cable news.
With regard to society, the honest people tend to get penalized for their honesty.
If you are honest about your taxes, you pay more taxes; if you are honest about your sexual exploits, then you tend to either get cock-blocked or end up alone in your old age; if you are honest about your emotions, then you get misunderstood. If you keep being honest, then sensitive friends and loved ones might get annoyed and either threaten to end the relationship or find someone who will tell them the white lies they want to hear.
Although I'm exaggerating about honesty to prove a point, I'd like to emphasize that total honesty entails full disclosure.
On the prospect of full disclosure, most people are adverse to expose their indiscretions to the public due to the public scrutiny which may arise as a result of such disclosures. When faced with the prospect of honesty, we'd rather baulk and wonder, "What would the neighbours think?" In the end, such honesty might lead critics to ignore the Biblical adage that "he who has no sin may cast the first stone".
If mental illness is due to society's reaction to inappropriate honesty, then mental health is the result of the individual's pro-active use of appropriate honesty.
With honesty and in the face of total disclosure, perhaps there is an appropriate outlet for it, both through journal writing and especially on-line blogging.
Originally posted: February 3, 2011 at 9:24 AM
Previous update: 8/28/11 1:01 PM
Current update: 11/28/13 03:28 AM
Apart from the ravages of drug abuse, including the psychosis resulting from B-vitamins deficiency, which is prevalent amongst chronic alcoholics and may be part of other forms of abuse - though never acknowledged, few people would consider their fictions as the cumulative effect of the clever white lies they daily say over the course of a lifetime.
Even when we are threatened by a mortal illness which is in part due to the idiosyncratic varieties of personality and their attendant mental habits, few of us are willing to admit that it is due to lying to ourselves about reality.
Might mental illness be due to a history of white lies used to handle reality?
Maybe so, maybe not. Consider the white lies the State feeds us daily both through law enforcement (e.g. cannabis drug laws) and the media, be it news and edutainment (talk shows, reality TV, movies and advertisement).
Indeed, propaganda might be both cause and effect of the human ability to conceal the truth by not mentioning the obvious.
Schizophrenia might just be an effect of a society that cannot handle honesty and truth 24/7.
Some civilizations fell because a few revolutionaries became too honest about their current situation and caused doubt amongst the representatives of the ruling body for a specific monarchy, only to have a civil war fuelled by differences in ideology (monarchy versus nationalism and later, socialism versus free-market capitalism).
Russia's descent into communism was a post-modern example of this.
Most recently, examples of ideological warfare include the political damage control occurring in America due to Wikileaks, the recent protests in the Maghreb (north Africa from Morocco to Egypt) and in the Middle East (especially Libya, Egypt and Syria), and the hype and propaganda on cable news.
With regard to society, the honest people tend to get penalized for their honesty.
If you are honest about your taxes, you pay more taxes; if you are honest about your sexual exploits, then you tend to either get cock-blocked or end up alone in your old age; if you are honest about your emotions, then you get misunderstood. If you keep being honest, then sensitive friends and loved ones might get annoyed and either threaten to end the relationship or find someone who will tell them the white lies they want to hear.
Although I'm exaggerating about honesty to prove a point, I'd like to emphasize that total honesty entails full disclosure.
On the prospect of full disclosure, most people are adverse to expose their indiscretions to the public due to the public scrutiny which may arise as a result of such disclosures. When faced with the prospect of honesty, we'd rather baulk and wonder, "What would the neighbours think?" In the end, such honesty might lead critics to ignore the Biblical adage that "he who has no sin may cast the first stone".
If mental illness is due to society's reaction to inappropriate honesty, then mental health is the result of the individual's pro-active use of appropriate honesty.
With honesty and in the face of total disclosure, perhaps there is an appropriate outlet for it, both through journal writing and especially on-line blogging.
Originally posted: February 3, 2011 at 9:24 AM
Previous update: 8/28/11 1:01 PM
Current update: 11/28/13 03:28 AM
20130428
Diary 20130428 1645H: The OAPFILES Series 1 Episode 1
This is related to Doctor Who through the following lame joke that may only appeal to fellow Whovians, whenever you get it:
"Help! Silence has fallen and it can't get up!"
Obviously then it must be plenty old in its age, as most members of the Silence tend to be taller than I am, and bristling with energy.
Elderly members of these creatures, assisted by human members of the Silence, tend to lose their energy when underwater. Yet they appear not to drown.
It's unknown if they are related to the cracks in walls of the bedroom of Amelia Pond, who was captured as an adult by the shawdowy organization.
No, wait! That was the theme of Series 5 of Doctor Who.
As well, three years ago, Series 5 was on my shopping list when HMV closed its downtown Vancouver location. However, HMV is still popular in tony South Surrey, BC.
In the OAPFiles, I'll just peruse my sometimes foggy recollections of Doctor Who's 11th regeneration where some unnamed soothsayer in Pompeii goes unnoticed by the Doctor in his 10th regeneration. Or, did she?
If the soothsayer was turning into a Pyroville, then it's possible that she could have survived Vesuvius, though not as a human.
OK, there is no relationship whatsoever between the psychic cult member rendered psychic by inhaling fumes that are morphing her body into a Pyroville, one of a rock-based humanoid people from the planet Pyrovillia who convert humans into their own kind near volcanoes.
After reading about how Gillan and Freema_Agyeman go their roles, I could understand the reason for recycling actors who played small roles on Doctor Who: secrecy.
OK that's it for the first OAPFiles. Next time, I'm going to complain about something else in a very short blog about Doctor Who.
Reference:
Karen Gillan as Soothsayer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcEIZ8YpviY
Soothsayer (The Fires of Pompeii: tardis.wikia.com/wiki/Soothsayer_(The_Fires_of_Pompeii
"Help! Silence has fallen and it can't get up!"
Obviously then it must be plenty old in its age, as most members of the Silence tend to be taller than I am, and bristling with energy.
Elderly members of these creatures, assisted by human members of the Silence, tend to lose their energy when underwater. Yet they appear not to drown.
It's unknown if they are related to the cracks in walls of the bedroom of Amelia Pond, who was captured as an adult by the shawdowy organization.
No, wait! That was the theme of Series 5 of Doctor Who.
As well, three years ago, Series 5 was on my shopping list when HMV closed its downtown Vancouver location. However, HMV is still popular in tony South Surrey, BC.
In the OAPFiles, I'll just peruse my sometimes foggy recollections of Doctor Who's 11th regeneration where some unnamed soothsayer in Pompeii goes unnoticed by the Doctor in his 10th regeneration. Or, did she?
If the soothsayer was turning into a Pyroville, then it's possible that she could have survived Vesuvius, though not as a human.
OK, there is no relationship whatsoever between the psychic cult member rendered psychic by inhaling fumes that are morphing her body into a Pyroville, one of a rock-based humanoid people from the planet Pyrovillia who convert humans into their own kind near volcanoes.
After reading about how Gillan and Freema_Agyeman go their roles, I could understand the reason for recycling actors who played small roles on Doctor Who: secrecy.
OK that's it for the first OAPFiles. Next time, I'm going to complain about something else in a very short blog about Doctor Who.
Reference:
Karen Gillan as Soothsayer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcEIZ8YpviY
Soothsayer (The Fires of Pompeii: tardis.wikia.com/wiki/Soothsayer_(The_Fires_of_Pompeii
20121231
Visible Minority Saved Fate of Racist Whites
If it wasn't for the vocal objection of a visible minority, racist whites would still be accepted as the norm. So thank you Canada for enacting the Canadian Charter of Human Rights Act. Sadly though, the way it is written, even a Canadian municipality could use it to protect the majority from legal action by the visible minorities.
However, only the lawless trump justice by resorting to violence, regardless of the consequences such as Canadian crime bills that have the potential to turn your circle of friends on GooglePlus into "gangs".
Yet I am surprised that even the radical reactionaries among the Sikhs haven't retorted to me, when they spend so much time reacting to that radio talk show host who wasn't referring just to them a few years ago, and kept Immigration Canada at bay regarding the illegal immigrant they were rallying around.
Maybe poverty breeds anonymity. My net worth being in the red by almost a hundred C-notes helps me even more anonymous than Anonymous!
Despite the handful of East Asians in the news, I don't see Chinese reactionaries getting as much 300 second sound bytes on the news about those two murders of innocent South Asian women, and very very little from the inconspicuous Japanese - quite probably because mass media would dread the deluge of hate mail if other ethnic groups within the visible minority milieu expressed their free speech rights in a civil manner.
In my opinion, the most ridiculed of other minority groups would be the Christian rednecks amongst the NRA and possibly the reactionary Muslims, the hardliners who are this close to being criminals, but then just uttering an indirect death threat to anyone is criminal.
For a fatwa is not protected by free speech or by the right to freely practice a religious as one sees fit.
If a fatwa involves the death of the object of that fatwa, then whoever among the Muslim clerics supports it is offensive to God by putting the ideology of the holy war before God. Essentially, if a fatwa results in the death of the object of that fatwa, then it is akin to ritual sacrifice. This makes a mockery of God, because such a death is murder sanctioned by man yet excused as "the will of God".
When the will of God consists of devout men willing to kill for their God, this is proof that such men put first their ideology over their God.
For a man cannot serve two masters when it comes to religion.
While I am still at it, the above contentious logic is also reserved for well-meaning but possibly deluded, most likely misinformed and deliberately ignorant fundamentalists, e.g. abortion assassins who can't shoot straight, radical feminists who collaborate with Christian fundamentalists to close down adult stores and legislate pornography, gang members who have harmed thousands of people but have "found Jesus", and police officers going beyond the call of duty to serve and protect only to practice a form of State terrorism abusing people with "non-lethal force" weapons, sometimes with lethal results.
This is religious fascism, be it holy war, assassination of abortion doctors, the legislation of pornography, criminals who find Jesus in prison yet offered no mercy to their victims before prison, and tazer-happy cops being fronted by the company that makes such "non-lethal" weapons.
For fascism only markets violence, of which few participants are able to profit and in which few WWE veterans participate. It offers no social redeeming value and has no plan except to rob people of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Sadly though, few of my detractors are brave enough to register on Blogspot and rise above the usual web page vandalism i.e. spam posts with URLs pointing to scripts to convert unprotected computers into adbots for porn web links. Since I am not referring to the intelligentsia among my fans and critics — your intelligence will protect you from reacting emotionally to this jab at the mouth-breathing script kiddies — hopefully this will occasionally result in a comment.
Otherwise, I will retain this ridiculous delusion that I am talking to myself.
Though, as I wrote in a previous article, it's probably a side-effect of being Buddhist: I tend to pick my words carefully but end up subtly saying something important, or sometimes just inserting the main point in the bottom third of the article. That way, the reactionaries will go WTF and do what they do best — abreact — and thus fall on the swords they've made of their ego projections.
Depending the level of rhetoric and based on which response requires legal intervention, I can empower myself c/o the CCHRA.
Or not.
That all depends on who is ugly enough to turn up on my doorstep to get the dharma from me!
I also deliberately write long entries because this is a personal blog, and it's a world that I am "conquering".
After discovering how much work it is to run a web server, I am hooked on using GooglePlus and Blogspot for my benefit and yours to conquer the Internet.
Though my original plan was to one day move this content to another blog web service under my control and administration, GooglePlus fits this bill, but I don't have to move any content when I can share it with the world.
Given the totalitarian nature of the Internet, if I cannot rule the world, then I can start my own blog and write about my own!
However, only the lawless trump justice by resorting to violence, regardless of the consequences such as Canadian crime bills that have the potential to turn your circle of friends on GooglePlus into "gangs".
Yet I am surprised that even the radical reactionaries among the Sikhs haven't retorted to me, when they spend so much time reacting to that radio talk show host who wasn't referring just to them a few years ago, and kept Immigration Canada at bay regarding the illegal immigrant they were rallying around.
Maybe poverty breeds anonymity. My net worth being in the red by almost a hundred C-notes helps me even more anonymous than Anonymous!
Despite the handful of East Asians in the news, I don't see Chinese reactionaries getting as much 300 second sound bytes on the news about those two murders of innocent South Asian women, and very very little from the inconspicuous Japanese - quite probably because mass media would dread the deluge of hate mail if other ethnic groups within the visible minority milieu expressed their free speech rights in a civil manner.
In my opinion, the most ridiculed of other minority groups would be the Christian rednecks amongst the NRA and possibly the reactionary Muslims, the hardliners who are this close to being criminals, but then just uttering an indirect death threat to anyone is criminal.
For a fatwa is not protected by free speech or by the right to freely practice a religious as one sees fit.
If a fatwa involves the death of the object of that fatwa, then whoever among the Muslim clerics supports it is offensive to God by putting the ideology of the holy war before God. Essentially, if a fatwa results in the death of the object of that fatwa, then it is akin to ritual sacrifice. This makes a mockery of God, because such a death is murder sanctioned by man yet excused as "the will of God".
When the will of God consists of devout men willing to kill for their God, this is proof that such men put first their ideology over their God.
For a man cannot serve two masters when it comes to religion.
While I am still at it, the above contentious logic is also reserved for well-meaning but possibly deluded, most likely misinformed and deliberately ignorant fundamentalists, e.g. abortion assassins who can't shoot straight, radical feminists who collaborate with Christian fundamentalists to close down adult stores and legislate pornography, gang members who have harmed thousands of people but have "found Jesus", and police officers going beyond the call of duty to serve and protect only to practice a form of State terrorism abusing people with "non-lethal force" weapons, sometimes with lethal results.
This is religious fascism, be it holy war, assassination of abortion doctors, the legislation of pornography, criminals who find Jesus in prison yet offered no mercy to their victims before prison, and tazer-happy cops being fronted by the company that makes such "non-lethal" weapons.
For fascism only markets violence, of which few participants are able to profit and in which few WWE veterans participate. It offers no social redeeming value and has no plan except to rob people of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Sadly though, few of my detractors are brave enough to register on Blogspot and rise above the usual web page vandalism i.e. spam posts with URLs pointing to scripts to convert unprotected computers into adbots for porn web links. Since I am not referring to the intelligentsia among my fans and critics — your intelligence will protect you from reacting emotionally to this jab at the mouth-breathing script kiddies — hopefully this will occasionally result in a comment.
Otherwise, I will retain this ridiculous delusion that I am talking to myself.
Though, as I wrote in a previous article, it's probably a side-effect of being Buddhist: I tend to pick my words carefully but end up subtly saying something important, or sometimes just inserting the main point in the bottom third of the article. That way, the reactionaries will go WTF and do what they do best — abreact — and thus fall on the swords they've made of their ego projections.
Depending the level of rhetoric and based on which response requires legal intervention, I can empower myself c/o the CCHRA.
Or not.
That all depends on who is ugly enough to turn up on my doorstep to get the dharma from me!
I also deliberately write long entries because this is a personal blog, and it's a world that I am "conquering".
After discovering how much work it is to run a web server, I am hooked on using GooglePlus and Blogspot for my benefit and yours to conquer the Internet.
Though my original plan was to one day move this content to another blog web service under my control and administration, GooglePlus fits this bill, but I don't have to move any content when I can share it with the world.
Given the totalitarian nature of the Internet, if I cannot rule the world, then I can start my own blog and write about my own!
20121023
My Way of Learning from the Past
Looking over what I have written on my blog, I have made peace with what happened five years ago (2007).
This is why I have forgotten most of that year. Though I do review that part of my life from time to time to understand myself better.
However, because of the risks of being candid with my feelings online, I'm not going share them unless asked.
People do mature, and part of that maturity includes keeping one's true feelings to oneself, to save everyone else from the awkwardness that total honesty sometimes evokes.
To people who claim that I am being two-faced or worse, that I am dishonest, those are weasel words. On the Internet, honesty does not mean you tell your audience the truth.
When the time comes to be candid, each of us will choose what truths to share, while holding back the truths we hold vital to the very existence of our personal privacy.
Thus, honesty on the Internet requires only that I be sincere about the truths that I share.
Furthermore, I try to live according to the Japanese philosophy of honne and tatemae.
One's true feelings and desires are personal and private. They may reflect in the behavior and opinions one holds in public (façade). Sometimes, it is more practical to behave and speak according to each situation.
This only seems to be deceit, when viewed through a cultural lens that follows the either-or fallacy about truth.
In holding back the honest truth, one does not lie when the truths revealed help to prevent loss of face.
If I write that my father died, and do not write my feelings about it, then that only means that my feelings are personal and private. His death is mentioned to show that I do have feelings about that date.
Just because I didn't fully describe my feelings about my father's death, it cannot be assumed that I didn't feel loss or pain.
At this time I will admit that I was moderately depressed at the time due to losing my best friend the previous year (2006).
However, I've overcome depression and am managing it by treating the insomnia it causes. This is as much important as being able to express my emotions and process them.
If you were to ask how I feel now, then I would answer "I feel that the worst of my depression is over, and I have come to terms with both my friend's and my father's deaths."
For I would rather remember the best moments shared with my father, rather than wish he were alive.
As for my friend's death, it wasn't until I'd actually stopped wishing he was still alive that my mourning over him stopped.
Likewise, I try to remember the best moments shared with my friend.
This is why I have forgotten most of that year. Though I do review that part of my life from time to time to understand myself better.
However, because of the risks of being candid with my feelings online, I'm not going share them unless asked.
People do mature, and part of that maturity includes keeping one's true feelings to oneself, to save everyone else from the awkwardness that total honesty sometimes evokes.
To people who claim that I am being two-faced or worse, that I am dishonest, those are weasel words. On the Internet, honesty does not mean you tell your audience the truth.
When the time comes to be candid, each of us will choose what truths to share, while holding back the truths we hold vital to the very existence of our personal privacy.
Thus, honesty on the Internet requires only that I be sincere about the truths that I share.
Furthermore, I try to live according to the Japanese philosophy of honne and tatemae.
One's true feelings and desires are personal and private. They may reflect in the behavior and opinions one holds in public (façade). Sometimes, it is more practical to behave and speak according to each situation.
This only seems to be deceit, when viewed through a cultural lens that follows the either-or fallacy about truth.
In holding back the honest truth, one does not lie when the truths revealed help to prevent loss of face.
If I write that my father died, and do not write my feelings about it, then that only means that my feelings are personal and private. His death is mentioned to show that I do have feelings about that date.
Just because I didn't fully describe my feelings about my father's death, it cannot be assumed that I didn't feel loss or pain.
At this time I will admit that I was moderately depressed at the time due to losing my best friend the previous year (2006).
However, I've overcome depression and am managing it by treating the insomnia it causes. This is as much important as being able to express my emotions and process them.
If you were to ask how I feel now, then I would answer "I feel that the worst of my depression is over, and I have come to terms with both my friend's and my father's deaths."
For I would rather remember the best moments shared with my father, rather than wish he were alive.
As for my friend's death, it wasn't until I'd actually stopped wishing he was still alive that my mourning over him stopped.
Likewise, I try to remember the best moments shared with my friend.
20110914
Checking the Paint
When I was outside Waterfront Station one fine day, I spotted a "wet paint" sign on the columns.
So after checking to be sure the paint was indeed dry, I flagged down a passerby and had this shot snapped.
20110812
Blog to Write "It" Out
"It" refers to my thoughts and opinions, with careful consideration of what I write.
I enjoy going back to edit my blog until what I write feels true to me — usually closer to reason than gut feeling, though sometimes with a mix of rational and emotive thought when necessary.
Yet I prepare my thoughts before I put my feelings out.
For blogging isn't a daily process at the moment because a life solely lived on the Internet lacks the inspiration that interaction with people in real life brings.
While that's my opinion, we are all free to chose how we manage our lives, accordingly.
Though there is more to life than living on the Internet.
Every time I step out of my home, I savour every moment away as much as I do when returning home.
Writing a blog entry helps me to express my thoughts, and explore my feelings in a way which is more public than my private journal entries.
Although public opinion requires appropriate content, much of my private writing will not be exposed in this blog so as to preserve my peace of mind.
For self-disclosure of matters best left private has often been unsettling, and sometimes embarrassing to me.
Sometimes I even dread reading this blog after staying late the previous night, least I discover that one of my posts of the previous day contains something which might come back to haunt me.
That's easily solved by going to bed at a decent time, coupled with thinking long and hard about what I wish to write helps me to rest comfortably.
That blogging has helped me become aware of the difference between self and other is why I keep blogging.
If I wish to be helpful to others through this blog, then it's by expressing myself thoughtfully and with careful consideration of the fact that other people may be reading it.
Yes, I am careful about my choice of words when blogging, and admit to some self-censorship.
Other times, though, when the topic is abuse and violence, I will express my feelings strongly.
Life is too precious to wish the worst happened to other people — if I had done so in this blog, then I will find that entry and having regretted writing it, edit or delete it, depending on how I presently feel about the content I'd been writing.
If that's called being inconsistent, then I am guilty of it. If in the past I wrote something that insults someone or makes light of tragedy, then when I find it, I'll edit it to remain consistent with good taste. If this is self-censorship, so be it.
While that may sound politically correct, this blog would not be online long were I to step outside the boundaries of common sense.
With careful preparation, I like to blog to write it out — my thoughts and feelings about myself and others.
I enjoy going back to edit my blog until what I write feels true to me — usually closer to reason than gut feeling, though sometimes with a mix of rational and emotive thought when necessary.
Yet I prepare my thoughts before I put my feelings out.
For blogging isn't a daily process at the moment because a life solely lived on the Internet lacks the inspiration that interaction with people in real life brings.
While that's my opinion, we are all free to chose how we manage our lives, accordingly.
Though there is more to life than living on the Internet.
Every time I step out of my home, I savour every moment away as much as I do when returning home.
Writing a blog entry helps me to express my thoughts, and explore my feelings in a way which is more public than my private journal entries.
Although public opinion requires appropriate content, much of my private writing will not be exposed in this blog so as to preserve my peace of mind.
For self-disclosure of matters best left private has often been unsettling, and sometimes embarrassing to me.
Sometimes I even dread reading this blog after staying late the previous night, least I discover that one of my posts of the previous day contains something which might come back to haunt me.
That's easily solved by going to bed at a decent time, coupled with thinking long and hard about what I wish to write helps me to rest comfortably.
That blogging has helped me become aware of the difference between self and other is why I keep blogging.
If I wish to be helpful to others through this blog, then it's by expressing myself thoughtfully and with careful consideration of the fact that other people may be reading it.
Yes, I am careful about my choice of words when blogging, and admit to some self-censorship.
Other times, though, when the topic is abuse and violence, I will express my feelings strongly.
Life is too precious to wish the worst happened to other people — if I had done so in this blog, then I will find that entry and having regretted writing it, edit or delete it, depending on how I presently feel about the content I'd been writing.
If that's called being inconsistent, then I am guilty of it. If in the past I wrote something that insults someone or makes light of tragedy, then when I find it, I'll edit it to remain consistent with good taste. If this is self-censorship, so be it.
While that may sound politically correct, this blog would not be online long were I to step outside the boundaries of common sense.
With careful preparation, I like to blog to write it out — my thoughts and feelings about myself and others.
20110304
My first Blogger App Post
March 4, 2011: I decided to change from Blogger-Droid to this app from the makers.
With Blogger-Droid, there wasn't an easy way to edit posts. In contrast Bloggeroid allows me to edit my posts. As well, it browses all my posts.
posted from Bloggeroid
Update: 20130202.0822
I currently use Blogger. It has everything I need, like browsing posts, editing both the post and the post's title.
Check out "Blogger"
20081211
Sleep Disorder Common Malady of Mild Traumatic Brain Injury
December 8, 2008: According to my experience, mild TBI (traumatic brain injury) began early. I do not doubt that I was quite two when, in a fit of anger, my brother - aged 3 - took the hoe he was using to play in the tiny sandbox we had in the yard.
Since then, there have been numerous mTBI, including a fall down the stairs around 5 years of age, smashing my left temple on the corner of the stone fireplace...
Later in school I once bumped into a fellow student in Grade 2, and got a nasty gash on the back of my head. The fellow who bumped into me, DK, grew up in poverty. His family life was one of deprivation and squalidness.
Years passed. I developed insomnia as a result of antihistamines used for hay fever, and was quite exhausted by age 8.
Recently, a mTBI in July 2004 resulted in a lot of chaos that went away after I became roommates with my ex-GF LJ and her new BF TN.
My guess is, these mTBIs may be the root of my inability to form long intimate relationships with the opposite sex. There just isn't depth to me for a woman to tolerate me for long.
I say it's the TBI combined with the Japanese upbringing. For there appears to be a wall which comes up when I am asked to open up and truly communicate.
It's frustrating though, and yet I carry on, mainly because this blog is the best means of communication for me.
So too is Facebook, especially its ability to use a smartphone's camera to send pictures to the Albums section.
Yet pictures may paint a thousand words, but true communication demands face-to-face communication. Computers do not provide that, even with a webcam.
Only activities which help one to talk with other like-minded people may do that. So I will try to make Meetup meetings when my schedules allows it.
In the meantime, I am happy taking pictures on my KODAK EASYSHARE C763 Zoom Digital Camera.
Update: February 2, 2013
Currently I use my Samsung S II HD LTE smartphone as my main camera since my KODAK camera stopped working. This began during the summer of 2012.
I mainly use the default camera app.
Regarding my sleep disorder, I use flexeril and gabapentin as sleep aids since they both are safe and effective when used as directed.
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