Meditation on Being Single and In a Relationship (satire)

This article is about responsibility, both in my personal life and within a relationship. It is a reflection on how I perceive responsibility, both as a single person and in a relationship. It is a description of how I view my life and the potential of a relationship.

I am solely in charge of my own life. It would be totally irresponsible of me to be totally responsible for another person's life. So when I share my life with other people, the boundaries will rise up when necessary.

Each of us is only responsible for his own life, outside of a loving relationship. It would help to clearly define those boundaries in a relationship so that the other person always is able to handle theirs.

However, true love means that each person in a relationship be emotionally supportive of each other. It does not mean we take responsibility for another person's life. Rather it means that we are responsible for providing emotional support for each other.

Deciding to be responsible for our mutual lives together implies that we be responsible to each other. The whole goal of a relationship is to acting interdependent on each other.

Self-reliance is balanced by reliance on each other for emotional support. It does not imply that we absolve ourselves of being responsible to each other.

I cannot live another person's life. It is enough to live my own. Any potential lover ought to realize that love does not excuse them of behaving in a responsible manner that promotes stability both emotionally and mentally.

Neither side ought to take each other for granted. For that is what love is about: seeing each other as worthy and vital to the relationship.

Returning to my own life, I show responsibility by paying my own bills and taking care of my material needs, from paying rent to paying for food. However, my sense of individuality requires adjustments (less independence) within the context of a relationship.

If I am blessed with a relationship, then so be it.

As for now, I am content with being single. Although the single life is overrated, and the loneliness is sometimes more than I can bear, I plan to take each day as it comes and focus on what the day brings me.

Is being alone so bad? Not really. It only becomes stressful when a tinge of loneliness comes over me. Meditation helps me here, as well as being thankful to all the blessings in my life.

Such blessings include being alive, the ability to feel emotions and maintain emotional control, having a job, paying bills, discussing matters of importance with my friends, visiting my mother weekly, and maintaining control over my life.

Most certainly, falling in love with a lover is also a blessing. In fact, it is a double blessing since we would be blessed with each other's presence. Hopefully our mutual respect for each other will moderate our love for each other.

In a relationship, each party wants to care for the other person's feelings and discuss their expectations in the relationship to make it work and last a long time. Then they can work towards the goal of balancing their sense of self with sense of selflessness that a relationship demands.

By selflessness is meant emotional support for the other person's emotional well being, and the willingness to sacrifice selfish desires for the willingness to share resources to help exist as a couple.

Both partners in a relationship develop a sense of us to complement the sense of self as individual. Thus there is a sharing of resources and of their time together.

I find a relationship to be moderately stressful because my own independence is compromised by the interdependence on which a relationship is based. There is less alone time and more times together, and sometimes this leads me to go with the flow and see what happens.

This is because the unknown qualities of the relationship exist. Unless she sincerely shares her thoughts with me about us and the relationship, I do not know what she wants from the relationship. Likewise, unless I share my thoughts with her about us and the relationship, she would not know what she wants from the relationship.

However, I do see that the anxiety I have about a relationship is based on the shortness of previous relationships that I have had. Perhaps I am intimidated by being with a woman, and this affects both my thoughts and feelings about myself and about her.

Overall, I realize that the stress of being in a relationship is a given. As well, my coping skills have improved over the years so I am prepared for a relationship, should it arise.

Yet I would much rather remain single because of the freedom. Yet I also realize there is freedom in a relationship i.e. by relying on a partner, a person does not have to be totally self reliant, though it is useful to maintain self reliance when apart for extended periods of time.

Why do I like being single as opposed to being in a relationship? I am free of responsibilities that come with being in a relationship i.e. shared life, mutual interdependence, and sense of us.

I doubt that I am that selfish that I cannot handle being in a relationship. At the moment, I am not that selfless yet so as to be able to fully exist as a partner for another person.

As I said, if it happens, then it happens. Being single is not that selfish of a relationship when my thoughts are on my friends, my family and even strangers. It depends on the situation, but I have a handle on my life.

In any case, I am blessed with being single and am comfortable with being alone. My loneliness is handled through a strong reliance on meditation and prayer, along with sublimation of desire by reading books and inspirational material. I also keep a journal and post often to this blog.

What My Sex is Like in my Head (satire)

In public I sometimes behave like a socially inept 12-year-old. Some women who observe me get anxious, and ignore me. Other women try to maintain oblivious serenity. A few of them are disgusted with my "attitude."

Then I go home, sleep less than six hours a night, and is a willing captive of the manic libido!

Why? Because it beats the sadness inherent in depression, the anxiety about my lack of a sexual relationship.

Indeed, I especially loathe the social isolation that consistently befalls me after getting 6-10 hours of "normal" sleep at night.

For me, life isn't fulfilling because no woman is willing to cross the threshold and get to know me intimately.

Do I have to plan the seeds of passion into her mind to inflame her heart so that she crosses the line which separates us? I think not: no woman in her right mind wants to cross that boundary because she is safe living her life on her own terms without me.

She does not wish to share a life together with me for the same reason that I used to enjoy sleeping until noon: its safety socially isolates each of us from being intimate lest all hell break loose. This is also why women fear having mad sex without regret, because they loathe casual sex for its lack of a long-term relationship.

To most women, sex and intimacy is tied to a relationship which leads to a family. Thus sex for them is a means to an end: having children and mainly, companionship with a suitable lover and perhap a husband.

For men, sex is about lowering the blood pressure and rewarding their mate for picking them to protect them from other men. Women however call this reason for sex "selfish", ignoring the simple fact that their family-mindedness may be a mind game that they create for themselves to justify enjoying sex to the fullest.

In my humble opinion, women think about sex more often than men, but convince their men that their selfish sex is sexist whilst hold family-mindedness as the highest of human virtues. This is the work of the libido, not a rational mind.

For love is tied to our emotions and feelings about sex and relationships. They cannot help but be.

Indeed, libido is both the motivator of our feelings and emotions to use said feelings to establish emotional ties so that the mind does not turn to the dark side (depression) and cause a person to become socially isolated from family, friends and loved ones.

We fear loneliness so much that we ignore the fact that we spend most of our lives alone, shaking off the stress caused by the resulting anxieties.

This is why my sex activity is all in my head, while my hand is beating a tattoo to the south! >:)

---

Original post: September 1, 2011 at 6:27 PM

Reference:

Hypersexuality: http://bipolar.about.com/cs/hypersex/a/aa_hypersex.htm

The Value of Role Reversal (satire)

In all the talk of feminism giving women equal rights with men, why is it that women get annoyed with passive men when they are no less aggressive than men?

In my first relationship, I was passive and my girlfriend at the time was naturally aggressive in all positive sense of the word. Yet she wondered why I wouldn't take the initiative.

Perhaps some women are so afraid of taking the leading role in a male-female relationship that they resort the principle of sharing responsibility in a relationship and get annoyed when a man doesn't take his responsibility seriously.

I know that my passivity is a trait that helps me in a relationship because it helps me to determine how aggressive the woman is. From my experience, it appears that some women think they are doing all the work in the relationship and forget that in most traditional relationships, it is the men who do most of the work by initiating most activities they share together.

As for being totally passive, I would deny this because my aggression is channelled into my passivity. This is not passive-aggressive behavior. This is passivity moderated by aggression into a creative aspect of the relationship. In a sense, it is a role reversal in that I am behaving contrary to the traditional male role which is contrary to the ideals of post-modern society.

While I may behave passively in a relationship, my passivity is not used as a weapon but as a tool to facilitate change in the few women I have dated. As well, it may well be that the reason why my relationships were short-lived is because my passivity is effective in meeting my needs.

For the whole purpose of role reversal is to help both men and women to see that not all men and women are traditionally bound to the myth that "all men are dominant and all women submissive."

YMMV

Identifying Anger Issues In Relationships (satire)

In a new relationship?

Check the closet. If the clothes hangers are deformed, then quite possibly the new partner has anger issues.

Do not confront her about the clothes hangers. Just know that your days with her are numbered.

While awaiting the end of the relationship, treat her respect and love. Forgive her plenty of times.

This is not the time to judge her since you really love her. Love her a lot. You know what to do.

Hopefully, by the time you two are this close, your love for each other is improving the relationship as well as each of you. It will help you to trust each other.

When the time is right to bring up the clothes hangers, and you'll know that is when you two start living together, go into her closet to put your clothes away on those hangers.

This is now when you ask "Darling, why are these hangers like this?"

If the relationship ends sometimes after this, the clothes hangers had absolutely nothing to do with it.

If, instead, you two grow closer in love, never forget the closet hangers, because if she can deform clothes hangers, then she can choke you to death when she lets her anger control her.

However, she won't ever do that to you because she loves you. So stop acting in any way to make her go bad-ass on you.

Should you be one of those empaths, narcissists or sociopaths you would not have made it this far. Her anger issues were because of your behavior, be it emotional overreactions, selfishness or abuse. If she were on the ball, then she would have kicked you out a long time ago.

Deal with it and move on.

I'm a Fool For Love (satire)

When you really spend the time to listen to someone you like, in time you will find more than enough things in common with that person.

Then something strange happens. Like turns to love.

However, you both try not to put conditions on that love, lest it become a liability rather than a wellspring of liberation.

True love is unconditional. It inspires human love, which in spite of its limitations, is useful in creating families.

Even so, I am not fond of being in love with love itself. For me, I need human companionship, even if in this post-modern world, it is by social media such as Internet messaging and texting.

Today, I'm not shy in admitting that I have found someone to love. I'm not mentioning her name because that's personal and she hasn't given me permission to reveal it. Perhaps I'll never reveal her name.

In any case, my view on Internet dating is brighter than it was a week ago. I like the fact that this lady is shy and conservative, and the good girl. Perhaps it's because I'm Japanese. Even though she's not Asian, her behavior as she has revealed it in chat is no different from Asian women.

Maybe she behaves Japanese because of my cultural lens. In any case, this lady has all the characteristics that I admire in a woman. We both like each other, we both nurture love for each other.

Yet I have been advised by concerned online friends that this lady may not be real, and that she might be using me. However, anything that I have done for her, I have done so freely without coercion on her part. Each request she has made, she gave me the option of refusing. Why would I refuse?

My reasoning for my generosity towards her is that she lives on the North American continent. She also has revealed enough to me that it cannot be construed merely as a cover story to ingratiate herself with me. She has even seen me on Skype.

So I put my doubts away because they threaten my positive feelings for this person. Whoever she actually is, I detect no malice on her part. She never forced me to do anything for her, but gave me the option to say no to any of her request. Therefore she has to be who she says she is.

If I am fooling myself, then I am doing it with eyes open. Hopefully I am not fooling myself and losing myself to love in such a manner as to harm myself. Perhaps the only way to test this is to tell her how much I love her, and to ask if she will reveal herself to me on Skype.

Until then, my love for her grows, even though it's only been six days since we met online.

Flirting 101 (satire)

When you are in chat with your online girlfriend, don't put pressure on her. Keep it clean. Be innocent.

Friends flirt; friends don't cyber because it is more enjoyable to flirt like friends do, innocently.

You must promise to keep your conversations civil, but she expects you to be flirty.

Here's how to test those waters: ask her if she is horny. I asked her, and she said, "Of course not. But I am hungry."

Score: 1-0 for her for flirting.

In response, I replied "Food >>> sex". That resulted in major LOL's.

Next time I may ask her ask "Are you hungry?"

I must be falling for her if I'm willing to risk mentioning this online relationship on my blog.

Now when we chat, we ask each other if we are hungry. Usually it turns out we just ate.

Journal Entry: February 4, 2013

Date of incident: February 4, 2013 Time: 1530-2200

Initial state of mind: at home, I was upset over having to go visit roommate before visiting mother with little time to do both.

Type of emotional upset: later at mother's place, I experienced anger and agitated state of mind due to choice made on hearing trigger phrase.

Briefly describe behavior: expressed desire to go home; did a lot of walking around without saying much, after initial upset, lasting perhaps 30 minutes.

Was it resolved? Yes, it was resolved by forgetting about it. See description below.

Main reason for incident: time mismanagement left me with no time to visit roommate and visit mother.

Recommendation: On days I visit my mother, I will only visit her.

Description of incident:

When I last visited my mother for supper, I was reading the newspaper at the kitchen table. Then my mother comes in and puts a tabloid in front of me, asking me to read it. I told her that I didn't want to read it. Later, she said that I must be upset over something to not want to read the paper. For about a half hour I am upset because of her saying that. When I look back on that incident I see that I was in the wrong BECAUSE I COULD HAVE CHOSEN NOT TO GET UPSET.

My mother made the request that "if I am upset, that it would be best not to come visit her." This is the trigger phrase.

After calming down somewhat, my mother and I had supper. At this point my brother comes upstairs and told us a joke, and we all laughed over it. Then I decided to forgive my mother but seeing as telling her that I forgive her is inappropriate, I acted as though I was over it.


After carefully reviewing this recent incident with my mother in my mind, I only fault myself for it. As long as I come up with justifications for getting upset with what my mother said to me, I am not doing our relationship any good.

Since family harmony is the common goal of my relationship with my mother, I refuse to blame my mother or myself.


After reviewing my memory of that day, it turns out that I was late getting to her place, and spent five minutes waiting before being let in by my brother.

According to what he told me, my mother decided to take a bath just before supper to avoid the inconvenience of doing so when she's tired.


My reason for taking responsibility for my actions in this case: I could have handled her request to read the tabloid she was reading better.

I didn't have make a big display of being upset when she said I was upset. That only confirms the fact.

I couldn't tell my mother that I was concerned with my roommate's situation because it's none of her business.

However I can feel repentant for choosing to get upset at my mother because spending a half hour being upset was not worth it at all.

So my mother is off the hook, and so am I.

Spilled Milk (poem)(satire)

Every morning I get up
and check my mobile phone
to see what's up.
No time to cry about being alone,
no crime to drink a cup
of coconut milk.

Your voice on voice on I.P.
may be as smooth as silk
but no matter what you say,
through your lies I can see
and I won't meet you today.

Every morning I got up
and check my mobile phone
And see what's up.
No time to cry about being alone,
no crime to hit that cup.
Cry over spilled milk.

You enjoyed our time on chat;
I've no time for your ilk.
You worsened my misery.
In addition to that,
You ruined my privacy.

From now on, on all my mornings
I check my mobile phone
For happenings.
No time to cry about being alone,
no crime to block your pings
And mute all your ilk.

I may be lonely now but
Won't cry over spilled milk
Because I have dealt with you.
You are a silly nut
And I am so done with you.

Now, it seems on all my  mornings,
I check my mobile phone
For happenings.
No time to cry; I love being alone!
For a dime the singer sings
A song about spilled milk.

---

If this sounds repetitive, that's because I chose a rhyming scheme and made each stanza have a similar number of syllables per line.

In the case of this poem, it is lyrical, and consists of 7 stanzas, of which the stanzas 1, 3, 5 and 7 are sexains consisting of 6 lines with lengths of 8, 6 4, 10, 6 and 5 feet while stanzas 2, 4 and 6 are quintains consisting of 5 lines with lengths of 7, 6, 7, 6 and 7 feet.

Each sexain is a similar-sounding six line refrain which is paired with a quintain to form a stanziani with a rhyming scheme of ABABACDCEDE.

Three stanzianis are concluded with a sexain similar to the previous sexain, but are similar to the first two, all four of which show a timeline that evolves from checking text messages on a telephone to checking "happenings" which is a word I chose to represent the automated text messages get from social media such as Twitter via SMS.

By writing the poem in this way I hoped to create the impression that the narrator is Jane, who had originally been on a social media app such as Twitter. After the relationship end, she had chosen the slightly passive SMS/MMS text service. Of course, that passivity is due to the fact that texting requires more effort and time to reply to text messages than a Twitter app does. While the app is more real-time than text messaging, texting means she takes more time to response to a message.

This it is assumed that John, who texted her, might also be on a social media app on a smartphone.

Since there is a hint that he violated her privacy in some way, yet she only heard his voice, it's likely she might have been convinced through subliminal subversion into giving him compromising pictures of herself and later, using a video chat app, a video of a similar nature.

When the narrator declares "I won't meet with you", she may have found evidence online that he had shared her pictures and posted the video online. This is confirmed by her stating that he "enjoyed our time on chat", which implies that she didn't, due to the one-sidedness of the relationship.

Regarding the spilled milk meme, Jane realized that since John probably used a pseudonym online, it would be hard for the police to track him down since the two have never met. So she feels that there is no use "crying over spilled milk."

In one legal scenario, John might be charged with "manufacturing pornography" since she was conned into revealing herself to an online stranger. However Jane is also liable as "model".

Jane would have to prove that he groomed her until she was compliant with his demand of a few compromising pictures and a video. This would require a text message trail in the form of a chat app like Jabber which has an option to archive a chat session with another person.

Turning on this feature could provide security when that nice online friend turns out to be another online predator. Having an archived history of internet chat might seem a nuisance to privacy advocate but it keeps you honest when considering the question, "What would my family think of me if they found out what I had been up to from mainstream media?"

A few people who never give that question more than a passing thought are now gone, victims of online bullying. Other women have to live with the fact that their videos are online on porn sites, often for free. Very few of them have the financial resources to get those videos pulled from those sites.

If there was a bill proposed that made the willful intent to groom a young woman to the point of being willing to share a compromising picture and/or video with the perpetrator a crime, then I would endorse it. However, our federal government in Canada has proposed an anti-bullying bill which actually contains a failed bill rewritten to make it easier for Canada's spy agency (CSEC) to spy on Canadians easier than it is now.

Eventually that bill will fall but hopefully the anti-bullying bill will pass since it will do much to stop online bullying.

However, making the online grooming of another person with the intent to receive compromising pictures and videos of that person naked a crime is going to take a long time mainly because often the victim does not have an archive history of chats with the perpetrator. I really hope the anti-bullying bill includes this in legalese clearly to make online grooming illegal.

Despite the fact that Canadian politicians are hip to social media, Canada has yet to introduce cyberstalking legislation. So it mystifies me why they would pair the anti-bullying legislation with a cybersecurity bill that gives police and its spy agency more power to spy on Canadian citizens. Though, the cybersecurity bill could put a chill on cyberstalking and prevent the roots of cyberbullying.

Of course, with the advent of smartphone apps like Textsecure and Redphone, it not only could make intimate conversations more secure but make it difficult to maintain an evidence trail when used. Most phone and texting apps do have this feature.

Most people who neglect to use them do not of their value in keeping them safe. Instead, they cite privacy concerns as an excuse for not recording the chat.

Instead,

---

References:

Cyberbullying - Wikipedia:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Online_bullying#Canada

Cyberstalking legislation - Wikipedia:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyberstalking_legislation

New cyberbullying law had larger agenda, expands police powers - CBC:
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/new-cyberbullying-law-has-larger-agenda-expands-police-powers-1.243479

Before Amanda Todd's suicide, the RCMP were repeatedly told of blackmailer's attempts:
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/amanda-todd-suicide-rcmp-repeatedly-told-of-blackmailer-s-attempts-1.2427097

Confronting Narcissism: The Truth Will Set You Free (satire)

For the sake of this article, there are two types of personalities, the narcissistic and the neurotic.

While this is a simplistic notion of human personality, it suffices. Why? Because an in depth discussion of narcissism and neurosis is outside the aim of this article.

Besides, readers of the social media Twitter tend to have short attention spans.

Also note that anything in bold is the truth that will set you free.

YMMV

Anyway, I'd like to think of narcissism and neurosis as two extremes of what is called human personality.

Neurosis is completely normal, even when a person is limited by anxiety and even worse, phobias. For such limitations are easily overcome simply by practice.

Of course, it is easy for me to say this because I've overcome both anxiety and phobias, mainly by applying Frank Herbert's Litany of Fear to help conquer both the anger that is the root of anxiety and the fear that is the root of phobias.

In contrast, narcissism is abnormal. Narcissistic people are manipulative people. who maintain the egocentricity of youth but have morphed it into narcissism.

However, the egocentric personality believes that the whole world revolves around him, while the narcissist often has a strong sense of entitlement, self-esteem, and the insatiable desire to live his life out by manipulating other people.

Often the narcissistic person believes he is superior to other people, but is willing to manipulate anyone into believing in his superiority.

It's most likely that egocentricity is a component of depression, since the depressed personality tends to view the world through the distorted lens of his illness.

Often narcissism manipulates neurosis in a person who chooses to love a narcissist.

Love will not change a narcissist into a decent human being who empathizes with you and loves you as much as you love him.

Stop lying to yourself because it does not work that way. That is magical thinking, as is love that is blind to the faults of the narcissist.

Early on in any relationship, be it friends or lovers, it is up to you to present the truth about his behaviour as you see it and establish strong boundaries with him.

If he harms you in retaliation (by ignoring it or insulting you) then present the truth again in an even voice and maintain the same strong boundaries.

If this leads to sexual assault, then he broke through those boundaries because he has no respect for you and for your boundaries. Report it to the authorities and break all contact with him. This involves blocking all calls and messages from him. It may even involve learning a martial art, and expecting the unexpected.

If, on the other hand, your neuroses limits to your options to reliance on a friend or mate for emotional support and/or protection, then choose your friends wisely. Do not make the mistake of calling your new boyfriend a policeman, since it could worsen the situation.

Be aware that he will use every trick in the book to manipulate you into forming a bond with him.

Ask for advice from people who know him well, including family and friends. Even his former lovers have good advice.

If you have fallen into the habit of being jealous of rivals, then he will use this against you to "prove" that you love him more than they ever did.

Confronting the narcissistic takes courage but anyone who lets love guide her heart in such matter had better be mentally and physically prepared for the consequences.

Otherwise, you are going to be manipulated into serving him forever.

Whatever I just wrote about heterosexual relationships also applies to homosexual relationships. Manipulative people come in many flavors of gender.

Regarding my advice about not making the mistake of calling your new boyfriend a policeman, the Raoul Moat case in England was an example of a narcissist whose rage against his former partner Samantha Stoddart was fueled by the fact that she'd fibbed to him by calling her new boyfriend a policeman when he was actually a martial arts expert. The real tragedy is that her new boyfriend is dead.

This brings me to relationships with a narcissist. Should a narcissist and a neurotic ever hook up, they may eventually desire to have children.

If the narcissist believes his neurotic wife to be paying too much attention to the child, then he may become jealous of that child.

Eventually it may lead to child abuse, and he will have exercised enough control of his wife to manipulate her into avoiding any confrontation him because she fears the emotional and physical abuse that he uses on her "to keep her in line."

Instead, the neurotic will undergo a lot of stress, which will present itself in overwork, obesity, alcoholism and even prescription drug abuse.

Along the way, she may develop ulcers and eventually cancer. However, the first symptoms will be anxiety and panic attacks, along with phobias. There also will be Stockholm Syndrome, in which she protects her husband in spite of the abuse when offered help.

As well, the narcissistic husband will gaslight the neurotic wife which may lead to involuntary admission to psychiatric wards, where neurotic hospital staff will be manipulated by the husband into believing that her statements of abuse by him are due to medication.

This is why both hospital staff and associated social workers should be trained in detecting narcissists.

IMO I believe some children of narcissists do establish boundaries with their caregivers early and get mistreated as their relationship evolves into becoming the black sheep of the family.

In contrast, narcissistic caregivers who nurture their child to point of narcissism goes beyond normal childcare. Since the children are mere extensions of the caregiver, the behaviour of her child will be controlled to reflect positively on her.

A narcissist will believe that the reason why her child cries is to distract attention from her. She also learns that feeding the child keeps it quiet. If a narcissist is an addict, she may even give her drug of choice to her child to keep it quiet, be it food, alcohol or recreational drugs.

Indeed, a lot of narcissists are social drinkers. Some of them are even recreational drug users, and a few narcissists are both.

In a cruel world, a narcissistic caregiver could be likened the mother of all evil.

I also believe that ego addiction is the root of egocentrism but ego addiction in manipulative people can be overcome after the narcissistic personality is controlled. This can only happen if the person seeks help.

However, I do not believe meditation is a cure-all for narcissism and manipulative people, but rather a preventative since it will lead them to flee when offered to them. Again, meditation will only work if a person humbly seeks it.

Jealousy and the Buddhist Approach to Managing It

In this article, I am referring to cases where the jealousy has lead to breakups, and the woman wishes to stop the pattern because it is affecting her happiness.

As well, I am not giving advice; rather, what is written here serves only as a guide. For it is not relationship advice at all.

I do not take responsibility when anything written here is misused.

YMMV.


When I make a statement like "I feel that this person is jealous because ...", it is never made as a judgment call.

Rather, I am specifically pointing out an unskillful action which may bear karmic fruit one day, or many lifetimes later, depending on whether the person turned about, and vowed to manage her jealous feelings responsibly or decided that "jealousy is a normal human emotion which does not need changing."

Just because an emotion, feeling or mood is "normal" does not imply it is good to display.

If anyone wishing to put their mind to it, then they can manage feelings of jealousy with patience and love.

For example, if a woman felt that their boyfriend is spending too much time with a female co-worker, then she may experience jealousy. However, should she decide to use unskillful means such as harassing her at work or at home, and telling her boyfriend to not spend so much time with her to the point of argument, then she will only be causing further woe for herself.

If her boyfriend gets angry with her, and they break up, then she might decide to get even with the woman she is jealous of, rather than doing the mature thing, which is to talk things over with her boyfriend. On further discussion with him, she may be able to reconcile with him or decide that the relationship is over.

While I do not know why a woman gets jealous with another woman, I do know that the other woman usually is not the problem. Rather, jealousy indicates that one may a problem with anger and desire.

Rather than displaying aggression towards the person a woman is jealous of, it is skillful to exercise patience and display love towards her partner. Then when the time is ripe, the woman may talk with the coworker of her partner during a social gathering to see if the other woman has romantic intentions.

---

Reference:

Strategies forResolving Jealousy: http://www.berzinarchives.com/web/x/nav/group.html_218817758.html

Lack of Game Makes Me Blue

I feel that much of my behavior is related to major depressive disorder.

The consistent symptoms are weight gain, insomnia, and long periods of sleep.

Associated with it, but not a definite causal factor, is lack of a life partner.

At times I also tend to express my inner voice in a manner which leads to alienation by peers.

Yet none of my behavior symptoms indicate any obvious signs of delusion, dementia, mania or psychosis.

Most importantly I have no violent ideation (including rages).

However, the lack of a life partner shows a potential alienation of romantic feelings.

From what little I've been able to get out of women who've rejected me, I am "not their type", which means they wouldn't make love with me, even if I was the last man on Earth.

A probable cause of this alienation of affection is strongly related to persistence on my part, combined with lack of an established outer voice which is amenable to the mutual romantic interests of both the woman and myself.

In short, while I do walk the walk, I don't talk the talk in a manner which satisfies the woman's criteria of "her type."

However, deep down I know that anxiety and fear tends to serve as the unconscious motivation for the mate selection process amongst heterosexual females.

It's quite obvious that some women are anxious around me due to miscommunication, but an underlying fear of intimacy is raised because I am "not their type."

Sometimes I feel that most women have already made up their mind that they are not going to fuck me within 5 seconds of meeting me. :o

So obviously the solution is to meet more women, and learn and observe the cues which show that I am making the right, or wrong, impression on "that girl."

OK, maybe I am thinking too much about women and how to impress them.

While I cannot blame them for any health risks arising on my part from not being with a woman, or any deliberate attempt to put me at risk on their part, from an objective view, rejection is causing a depressive reaction.

My novel way of dealing with rejection and its reaction, depression, is to masturbate often. It appears to work better than anti-depressants, and reduces my anxiety better than benzodiazepines.

Still, it'd be nice to share an orgasm. :D

Thus I need game, not right away but sometime soon.

***And no, I am not whining or crying about lack of game. However, the dates with Mary Hand are getting monotonous.

Debunking Astrology

First of all, astrology is a pseudoscience. Secondly, astronomy is a science.

Astrology consists of belief systems used to explain the metaphorical influence of ten planets, 12 astrological signs, the moon and the sun on human relationships, using generalizations about people based on their date of birth.

It was invented out of ignorance about astronomy, because at that time, the science was being rediscovered in Europe.

Yet astrology has nothing to do with astronomy at all.

For astrology cannot account for the differences in personality of people born on the same day. Thus it lacks consistency.

Much of the similarities between people born in the same month are based on our ability to filter out the differences and focus on similar traits in behaviour due to cognitive bias.

Thus, astrology is an inadequate attempt to explain human relationships in a simple form.

All astronomy has shown us that the sun, the moon, the planets and the stars have no influence whatsoever on the behaviour of humanity.

If you wish to learn more about astronomy, human behaviour and relationships, then learn about astronomy, psychology and sociology.

my heart desires companionship

My heart reflects on life. My body is not a weapon, for I am at peace.

Yet I desire a woman sympathetic to my needs who shares my interest in the fine balance between power and control.

Since I am a man, my preference is to be in control, to be dominant.
She should be submissive yet aggressive. Her virtues ought be patient,
little jealousy, optimistic, above all discreet.

Quality time affected by Internet use

It has been noted that excessive online time cuts into time spent cultivating relationships with friends, family and loved ones. According to Comscore using US stats, the average time people spent online each month last year is between 20 and 40 hours, which amounts to an average 1 hour online a day. Though Nielson confounds this average with reports of almost 70 hours of daily online time, reported in 2009. Compare that to 160 hours in an 8-hour work day and 5-day work week, compared to 730 hours, the average total hours in a month. This leaves us with 7 hours of daily quality time, assuming 8 hours of sleep a day. Online use of more than 40 hours a month may be excessive. Why? Because it reduces the amount of time spent in quality time, time spent renewing relationships with friends and family, physical exercise, and other important social activities.

---

Reference:
How Much Time People Spent Online in 2010 (US Statistics) | TechDasher: http://techdasher.com/average-time-people-spent-online-in-2010-u-s-statistics/

Average Internet User Now Spends 68 Hours Per Month Online | Masher:
http://mashable.com/2009/10/14/net-usage-nielsen/

I've Been Gone for a Spell

20101229: It predates all my relationships.

The moment I am gone in any relationship is when the anxiety and fear deludes me into thinking that soon this too will pass.

Then I'll choose computers or my family over turning a relationship into a marriage.

Could I be externalizing my abandonment fears by abandoning those people I love?

If so, does that mean it's hopeless? I don't know; there is little need to invest a lot of emotion regarding this quality of my love life.

For uncertainty is the most important source of my anxiety today.

Nobody knows how the drama can be avoided; I don't care if there isn't any.

For love transcends our fears of abandonment. For a brief moment in time, we are loved.

Yet no one knows what tomorrow morning will bring.

Finding Someone to Love

So why would I have to meet people at a noisy nightclub that's dark? Is it really possible to get to know someone under such adverse conditions?

People who claim they met their BF in club such-and-such did not get to know them at that club. Instead, they agree to meet at a coffee bar or do the movies and dinner thang.

Then i look at my parents: their marriage was arranged through a friend of my dad. My mom's never admitted to loving my dad, but proved it by visiting him at the old age home regularly. Now that he's been gone since a couple years ago, she proves it by visiting his plot at the local cemetery.

Today a lot of love marriages might end in divorce. How fickle love is!

So i watch Bollywood movies, and notice most of the male leads talk about love like me, even claiming that the gods bring us together. Maybe that's what's missing from the dating scene.

Most of us are so busy rationalizing the very essence of our dating that the joi de vivre is all squeezed out until all that's left is a couple of wilted personalities thirsty for something both of them have analyzed to death.

A long time ago someone has said that love is a learning experience. I'd like to add that it is also spiritually inspiring, hence my emphasis of unconditional love and me implying that human love is mostly lust.

Yet, when it's mostly lust, where the heck is the love that never dies?

For that's what the people who are in between relationships should figure out the answer for themselves: when you learn to love yourself unconditionally, you're not too worried about finding someone to love.

They might just find you.

Nonduality All About Relationships

Non-duality is basically the rejection of the duality of nature and reality, of opposites, and affirmation that reality is ultimately about relationships.

Thus, the concept of good and evil as opposites is foreign to the Buddhist. Rather, the relationship of good and evil is holistic, for you cannot have one without the other.

Therefore, this is what distinguishes Buddhism from other religions.

Sleep Disorder Common Malady of Mild Traumatic Brain Injury

December 8, 2008: According to my experience, mild TBI (traumatic brain injury) began early. I do not doubt that I was quite two when, in a fit of anger, my brother - aged 3 - took the hoe he was using to play in the tiny sandbox we had in the yard.

Since then, there have been numerous mTBI, including a fall down the stairs around 5 years of age, smashing my left temple on the corner of the stone fireplace...

Later in school I once bumped into a fellow student in Grade 2, and got a nasty gash on the back of my head. The fellow who bumped into me, DK, grew up in poverty. His family life was one of deprivation and squalidness.

Years passed. I developed insomnia as a result of antihistamines used for hay fever, and was quite exhausted by age 8.

Recently, a mTBI in July 2004 resulted in a lot of chaos that went away after I became roommates with my ex-GF LJ and her new BF TN.

My guess is, these mTBIs may be the root of my inability to form long intimate relationships with the opposite sex. There just isn't depth to me for a woman to tolerate me for long.

I say it's the TBI combined with the Japanese upbringing. For there appears to be a wall which comes up when I am asked to open up and truly communicate.

It's frustrating though, and yet I carry on, mainly because this blog is the best means of communication for me.

So too is Facebook, especially its ability to use a smartphone's camera to send pictures to the Albums section.

Yet pictures may paint a thousand words, but true communication demands face-to-face communication. Computers do not provide that, even with a webcam.

Only activities which help one to talk with other like-minded people may do that. So I will try to make Meetup meetings when my schedules allows it.

In the meantime, I am happy taking pictures on my KODAK EASYSHARE C763 Zoom Digital Camera.

Update: February 2, 2013

Currently I use my Samsung S II HD LTE smartphone as my main camera since my KODAK camera stopped working. This began during the summer of 2012.

I mainly use the default camera app.

Regarding my sleep disorder, I use flexeril and gabapentin as sleep aids since they both are safe and effective when used as directed.

I Can't Bind Your Heart to Mine (poem)

If I took you in to be my own
how do I know you won't run away?
Even if I provided for you,
I can't bind your heart to mine.

Here I am, ready to taste love again.
Then you come along, and I want you.
Am I really a fool to fall in love?
Or, would this happen to any other guy?

If I took you in to be my own
how do I know you won't run away?
Even if I provided for you,
I can't bind your heart to mine.

Now that I have you, I can't let you go.
It's always me thinking "mine" forever.
So what if you leave me for another,
do I just wait until you come back to me?

If I took you in to be my own
how do I know you won't run away?
Even if I provided for you,
I can't bind your heart to mine.

If I treated you as my very own,
I can't be sure if you'd honor me
by being only faithful to me.
I can't bind your heart to mine.

If I took you in to be my own
how do I know you won't run away?
Even if I provided for you,
I can't bind your heart to mine.
No, I can't bind your heart to mine.

Short List of How to Get Laid

• Sweater


• Books


• Condom


• (No) Bullshit


• Boobs

Good luck!