It is the cockiness of being hypomanic I loathe the most, because usually my self esteem is moderate, but when I am full of energy but pleasantly tired due to insomnia, my sex drive goes out of control.
This lust sees me on naughty sites I never go on when well rested. However, it is doubtful that I am sexually attractive enough, because I am not independently wealthy and am uncomfortable with that kind of lifestyle because it is attendant with overconsumption.
So, I am going to go to nap for a bit and see if I am still excited...
Update: March 9, 2015 @ 0735h PDT
I napped from yesterday evening (after 4.30 PM) until 3 AM this morning. That's at least ten hours of sleep.
No dreams, but have been on the net-book since waking up. Hm... time to have breakfast and plan out my day.
My guess is, the prospect of daylight savings time springing forward an hour led to insomnia.
YMMV
Update: March 9, 2015 @ 2324h PDT
After talking with my room-mate, I realize that I was mistaken about what time I went to bed last night. Bedtime was actually 8 PM, so that means I actually got 6-7 hours of sleep.
Reviewing the past 36 hours, it will be awhile before I will lose sleep like this. It's not worth what it does to my physical, mental and spiritual health.
Although I went surfing to websites that I would never go to when well rested, it soon got so boring that I stopped before things got out of hand.
When I reflect back on the previous 24 hours, the hypomania gave me a brief sense of confidence that left me feeling like I could handle any situation in life.
Let me reassure you that hypomania is a state of mind in which I experienced a tremendous burst of energy — a second wind — during which I got a lot done.
Thankfully, most of it was off-line and church-related.
Briefly, I volunteered to accompany a fellow LDS member JD — he is experienced at this — to perform sacrament for Mr P, a LDS member who is home-bound due to an unspecified illness.
While chatting with Mr P, he related a story about his cat Charity who was so concerned about him when he was suffering in silence in his rocker that she went to his wife in the bedroom and meowed until she realized that Mr P was in need of consoling.
Mr P and I are of the same mind about pets. Cats, being domesticated, are so much a part of human society for such a long time that we humans view them as family. They become sensitive to our needs just as much as we become sensitive to theirs.
So I am grateful to have heard from Mr P about his cat Charity who truly loves her master as much as Mr P loves her.
All names of people mentioned in this blog entry have been changed to protect their privacy,
Showing posts with label libido. Show all posts
Showing posts with label libido. Show all posts
20141030
What's Love (and Sex) Got to Do with Agapé and Eros
In grade school, it was fun to play with the girls until the boys shamed me into playing with them.
As well, I was subtly bullied by a girl in Grade 6 when in Grade 2, due to her frustration in teaching me math that was simple for her but mysterious to me.
Though that never stopped me from excelling at math.
Then after Grade Three I spent the summer holiday with my first crush.
However, he teasing in Grade Four after my classmates found out I had a summer crush led me to realise romance has to be discreet ie not in my hometown.
The fact that my mother put a stop to it due to being late for supper makes me cautious lest I ruin my relationship with my roommates.
However, the best kind of love is between friends. This love has many names, but two of them are familiarly known as Agape and Eros.
Both Agapé and Eros are two sides of the same coin called human love.
Human love is so fickle though.
Unconditional love demands us to stop placing conditions on love. This is why friends love each other dearly: their love is unconditioned.
However, the only rule in friendship is remain loyal to each other, though it is loyalty with discretion.
Yet friendships rely on each of us to respect each other's right to be free, and to grow as individuals.
However, do not expect a friend to do anything for you, since it may lead to conflict. Such an expectation is unreasonable since it expects too much of a friend.
Do expect a close friend to be there when you need them but remember: friends are not slaves to be toyed with.
If you want anyone who is your friend to become reliable, then be reliable to them. Do anything for them as is necessary, and limit yourselves accordingly.
A good friend is a loyal helpmate. You are that friend.
My first crush was my best female friend, not a girlfriend but a friend who happened to be a girl.
I am happy that such a friend exists for me.
It can only be platonic though, for a man ought to be mature enough to call BS on the myth about platonic friendships.
Indeed it is a pernicious lie to assume a platonic relationship has a subtle sexual ambiance to it.
This lie is based on the error about the mythical libido, which is misinterpreted as the sex drive.
Libido actually is related to life and its propagation, and can be successfully sublimed into service, be it work or play.
Returning to my first crush, it was play that brought us together. Yet duty to my family nipped that in the bud.
Thus the libido must often be tamed, lest friendships be threatened by its excess.
So, my mother helped me to tame my libido by putting a curfew on me.
I suppose the cruelty such as beatings and burning moxibustion only showed the dark side of mother love - but because it was child abuse, it only served to make me fiercely independent when I was younger.
Yet here I am today realising that social isolation might be a side effect of the strong impression at a young age that I ought not associate with anyone lest they learn how dysfunctional I am.
However, the friends that I have show me that they tolerate whatever eccentricities I may have, which helps to moderate my behaviour accordingly.
For that is what unconditional love is actually about: accepting each other, warts and all.
Through daily meditation and prayer,
I daily sublimate Eros, and thus transform its motivational energy into Agapé, the vital essence of unconditional love.
Based on your life experiences, which love is the original love?
Remember: the libido is a manmade construct to explain sexuality, which too is manmade. While Eros and Agapé are two sides of love, the libido, Eros itself, is the subconscious call of the wild to propagate the species, which originates in each living being's survival mechanism.
In contrast Agapé is unconditional love which is the subconscious call from God Almighty to be of service to him by being a standing minister to worldly Gentiles and the apostates in the world today, often by being like an angel in disguise.
IMHO I feel that a healthy balance between Agapé and Eros is not often possible.
It is my contention that the gross energy of Eros (the libido) has often been sublimated and thus energizes Agapé. However sex is not love.
Therefore the sublimated libido energizes unconditional love. At the same time, that Love helps each of us through the grace of God to tame the libido.
I remember as a young boy how I was slowly growing out of control due to family strife due to my birth defects being used by my paternal grandmother shaming my mother because of those defects.
When it turned out that one of her sons, my uncle, had died of complications due to epilepsy, that foiled my grandmother. It is sad when a parent mentally abuses a daughter or son like this, and tragic especially when the same is done to an in-law.
Yet unconditional love is something we experience so little of in the world but have the opportunity to practice in the meetinghouse.
Still, it ought to be shared with the world, often without mentioning God Almighty, who made the world in six days not that we love Him only on the Sabbath, but also for the rest of the week from Monday to Saturday.
By sharing unconditional love with the world, it is then possible for standing ministers to share the Gospel with like minded Gentiles, so that they may come to know the truth about the LDS church.
For example, I have recently found Mormon cosmology to be almost like a light version of Buddhist cosmology, without the cycle of reincarnation and lacking the fullness of its Buddhist counterpart.
Of course, I attribute this to my ignorance of the richness inherent in Mormon cosmology due to my apostasy before baptism and LDS membership.
However, Buddhist cosmology contains a multitude of Buddha worlds of which the Pure Land is one.
IMHO the worlds awaiting the LDS members bound for celestial glory are like the Pure Land.
Yet the LDS literature is vague about the many worlds that those celestial latter day saints inherit.
With an understanding of Agapé and Eros, and of their respective commonplace terms, unconditional love and the libido, it is likely to help put human love into perspective.
Firstly, Agape is Love unconditioned and uncorrupted by carnal love, Eros.
Through the grace of God, after consistent prayer and meditation by a Mormon, Eros is sublimated which subtly energizes Agapé.
Thus is carnal love sublimated into unconditional love. However love is not sex.
Overall the Christ's call to love one another is tempered with his command to love your enemies and also to turn the other cheek ie accept the mental cruelty of zealous anti Mormon cultists without complaint.
As well, I was subtly bullied by a girl in Grade 6 when in Grade 2, due to her frustration in teaching me math that was simple for her but mysterious to me.
Though that never stopped me from excelling at math.
Then after Grade Three I spent the summer holiday with my first crush.
However, he teasing in Grade Four after my classmates found out I had a summer crush led me to realise romance has to be discreet ie not in my hometown.
The fact that my mother put a stop to it due to being late for supper makes me cautious lest I ruin my relationship with my roommates.
However, the best kind of love is between friends. This love has many names, but two of them are familiarly known as Agape and Eros.
Both Agapé and Eros are two sides of the same coin called human love.
Human love is so fickle though.
Unconditional love demands us to stop placing conditions on love. This is why friends love each other dearly: their love is unconditioned.
However, the only rule in friendship is remain loyal to each other, though it is loyalty with discretion.
Yet friendships rely on each of us to respect each other's right to be free, and to grow as individuals.
However, do not expect a friend to do anything for you, since it may lead to conflict. Such an expectation is unreasonable since it expects too much of a friend.
Do expect a close friend to be there when you need them but remember: friends are not slaves to be toyed with.
If you want anyone who is your friend to become reliable, then be reliable to them. Do anything for them as is necessary, and limit yourselves accordingly.
A good friend is a loyal helpmate. You are that friend.
My first crush was my best female friend, not a girlfriend but a friend who happened to be a girl.
I am happy that such a friend exists for me.
It can only be platonic though, for a man ought to be mature enough to call BS on the myth about platonic friendships.
Indeed it is a pernicious lie to assume a platonic relationship has a subtle sexual ambiance to it.
This lie is based on the error about the mythical libido, which is misinterpreted as the sex drive.
Libido actually is related to life and its propagation, and can be successfully sublimed into service, be it work or play.
Returning to my first crush, it was play that brought us together. Yet duty to my family nipped that in the bud.
Thus the libido must often be tamed, lest friendships be threatened by its excess.
So, my mother helped me to tame my libido by putting a curfew on me.
I suppose the cruelty such as beatings and burning moxibustion only showed the dark side of mother love - but because it was child abuse, it only served to make me fiercely independent when I was younger.
Yet here I am today realising that social isolation might be a side effect of the strong impression at a young age that I ought not associate with anyone lest they learn how dysfunctional I am.
However, the friends that I have show me that they tolerate whatever eccentricities I may have, which helps to moderate my behaviour accordingly.
For that is what unconditional love is actually about: accepting each other, warts and all.
Through daily meditation and prayer,
I daily sublimate Eros, and thus transform its motivational energy into Agapé, the vital essence of unconditional love.
Based on your life experiences, which love is the original love?
Remember: the libido is a manmade construct to explain sexuality, which too is manmade. While Eros and Agapé are two sides of love, the libido, Eros itself, is the subconscious call of the wild to propagate the species, which originates in each living being's survival mechanism.
In contrast Agapé is unconditional love which is the subconscious call from God Almighty to be of service to him by being a standing minister to worldly Gentiles and the apostates in the world today, often by being like an angel in disguise.
IMHO I feel that a healthy balance between Agapé and Eros is not often possible.
It is my contention that the gross energy of Eros (the libido) has often been sublimated and thus energizes Agapé. However sex is not love.
Therefore the sublimated libido energizes unconditional love. At the same time, that Love helps each of us through the grace of God to tame the libido.
I remember as a young boy how I was slowly growing out of control due to family strife due to my birth defects being used by my paternal grandmother shaming my mother because of those defects.
When it turned out that one of her sons, my uncle, had died of complications due to epilepsy, that foiled my grandmother. It is sad when a parent mentally abuses a daughter or son like this, and tragic especially when the same is done to an in-law.
Yet unconditional love is something we experience so little of in the world but have the opportunity to practice in the meetinghouse.
Still, it ought to be shared with the world, often without mentioning God Almighty, who made the world in six days not that we love Him only on the Sabbath, but also for the rest of the week from Monday to Saturday.
By sharing unconditional love with the world, it is then possible for standing ministers to share the Gospel with like minded Gentiles, so that they may come to know the truth about the LDS church.
For example, I have recently found Mormon cosmology to be almost like a light version of Buddhist cosmology, without the cycle of reincarnation and lacking the fullness of its Buddhist counterpart.
Of course, I attribute this to my ignorance of the richness inherent in Mormon cosmology due to my apostasy before baptism and LDS membership.
However, Buddhist cosmology contains a multitude of Buddha worlds of which the Pure Land is one.
IMHO the worlds awaiting the LDS members bound for celestial glory are like the Pure Land.
Yet the LDS literature is vague about the many worlds that those celestial latter day saints inherit.
With an understanding of Agapé and Eros, and of their respective commonplace terms, unconditional love and the libido, it is likely to help put human love into perspective.
Firstly, Agape is Love unconditioned and uncorrupted by carnal love, Eros.
Through the grace of God, after consistent prayer and meditation by a Mormon, Eros is sublimated which subtly energizes Agapé.
Thus is carnal love sublimated into unconditional love. However love is not sex.
Overall the Christ's call to love one another is tempered with his command to love your enemies and also to turn the other cheek ie accept the mental cruelty of zealous anti Mormon cultists without complaint.
20140820
Meditation on Being Single and In a Relationship (satire)
This article is about responsibility, both in my personal life and within a relationship. It is a reflection on how I perceive responsibility, both as a single person and in a relationship. It is a description of how I view my life and the potential of a relationship.
I am solely in charge of my own life. It would be totally irresponsible of me to be totally responsible for another person's life. So when I share my life with other people, the boundaries will rise up when necessary.
Each of us is only responsible for his own life, outside of a loving relationship. It would help to clearly define those boundaries in a relationship so that the other person always is able to handle theirs.
However, true love means that each person in a relationship be emotionally supportive of each other. It does not mean we take responsibility for another person's life. Rather it means that we are responsible for providing emotional support for each other.
Deciding to be responsible for our mutual lives together implies that we be responsible to each other. The whole goal of a relationship is to acting interdependent on each other.
Self-reliance is balanced by reliance on each other for emotional support. It does not imply that we absolve ourselves of being responsible to each other.
I cannot live another person's life. It is enough to live my own. Any potential lover ought to realize that love does not excuse them of behaving in a responsible manner that promotes stability both emotionally and mentally.
Neither side ought to take each other for granted. For that is what love is about: seeing each other as worthy and vital to the relationship.
Returning to my own life, I show responsibility by paying my own bills and taking care of my material needs, from paying rent to paying for food. However, my sense of individuality requires adjustments (less independence) within the context of a relationship.
If I am blessed with a relationship, then so be it.
As for now, I am content with being single. Although the single life is overrated, and the loneliness is sometimes more than I can bear, I plan to take each day as it comes and focus on what the day brings me.
Is being alone so bad? Not really. It only becomes stressful when a tinge of loneliness comes over me. Meditation helps me here, as well as being thankful to all the blessings in my life.
Such blessings include being alive, the ability to feel emotions and maintain emotional control, having a job, paying bills, discussing matters of importance with my friends, visiting my mother weekly, and maintaining control over my life.
Most certainly, falling in love with a lover is also a blessing. In fact, it is a double blessing since we would be blessed with each other's presence. Hopefully our mutual respect for each other will moderate our love for each other.
In a relationship, each party wants to care for the other person's feelings and discuss their expectations in the relationship to make it work and last a long time. Then they can work towards the goal of balancing their sense of self with sense of selflessness that a relationship demands.
By selflessness is meant emotional support for the other person's emotional well being, and the willingness to sacrifice selfish desires for the willingness to share resources to help exist as a couple.
Both partners in a relationship develop a sense of us to complement the sense of self as individual. Thus there is a sharing of resources and of their time together.
I find a relationship to be moderately stressful because my own independence is compromised by the interdependence on which a relationship is based. There is less alone time and more times together, and sometimes this leads me to go with the flow and see what happens.
This is because the unknown qualities of the relationship exist. Unless she sincerely shares her thoughts with me about us and the relationship, I do not know what she wants from the relationship. Likewise, unless I share my thoughts with her about us and the relationship, she would not know what she wants from the relationship.
However, I do see that the anxiety I have about a relationship is based on the shortness of previous relationships that I have had. Perhaps I am intimidated by being with a woman, and this affects both my thoughts and feelings about myself and about her.
Overall, I realize that the stress of being in a relationship is a given. As well, my coping skills have improved over the years so I am prepared for a relationship, should it arise.
Yet I would much rather remain single because of the freedom. Yet I also realize there is freedom in a relationship i.e. by relying on a partner, a person does not have to be totally self reliant, though it is useful to maintain self reliance when apart for extended periods of time.
Why do I like being single as opposed to being in a relationship? I am free of responsibilities that come with being in a relationship i.e. shared life, mutual interdependence, and sense of us.
I doubt that I am that selfish that I cannot handle being in a relationship. At the moment, I am not that selfless yet so as to be able to fully exist as a partner for another person.
As I said, if it happens, then it happens. Being single is not that selfish of a relationship when my thoughts are on my friends, my family and even strangers. It depends on the situation, but I have a handle on my life.
In any case, I am blessed with being single and am comfortable with being alone. My loneliness is handled through a strong reliance on meditation and prayer, along with sublimation of desire by reading books and inspirational material. I also keep a journal and post often to this blog.
I am solely in charge of my own life. It would be totally irresponsible of me to be totally responsible for another person's life. So when I share my life with other people, the boundaries will rise up when necessary.
Each of us is only responsible for his own life, outside of a loving relationship. It would help to clearly define those boundaries in a relationship so that the other person always is able to handle theirs.
However, true love means that each person in a relationship be emotionally supportive of each other. It does not mean we take responsibility for another person's life. Rather it means that we are responsible for providing emotional support for each other.
Deciding to be responsible for our mutual lives together implies that we be responsible to each other. The whole goal of a relationship is to acting interdependent on each other.
Self-reliance is balanced by reliance on each other for emotional support. It does not imply that we absolve ourselves of being responsible to each other.
I cannot live another person's life. It is enough to live my own. Any potential lover ought to realize that love does not excuse them of behaving in a responsible manner that promotes stability both emotionally and mentally.
Neither side ought to take each other for granted. For that is what love is about: seeing each other as worthy and vital to the relationship.
Returning to my own life, I show responsibility by paying my own bills and taking care of my material needs, from paying rent to paying for food. However, my sense of individuality requires adjustments (less independence) within the context of a relationship.
If I am blessed with a relationship, then so be it.
As for now, I am content with being single. Although the single life is overrated, and the loneliness is sometimes more than I can bear, I plan to take each day as it comes and focus on what the day brings me.
Is being alone so bad? Not really. It only becomes stressful when a tinge of loneliness comes over me. Meditation helps me here, as well as being thankful to all the blessings in my life.
Such blessings include being alive, the ability to feel emotions and maintain emotional control, having a job, paying bills, discussing matters of importance with my friends, visiting my mother weekly, and maintaining control over my life.
Most certainly, falling in love with a lover is also a blessing. In fact, it is a double blessing since we would be blessed with each other's presence. Hopefully our mutual respect for each other will moderate our love for each other.
In a relationship, each party wants to care for the other person's feelings and discuss their expectations in the relationship to make it work and last a long time. Then they can work towards the goal of balancing their sense of self with sense of selflessness that a relationship demands.
By selflessness is meant emotional support for the other person's emotional well being, and the willingness to sacrifice selfish desires for the willingness to share resources to help exist as a couple.
Both partners in a relationship develop a sense of us to complement the sense of self as individual. Thus there is a sharing of resources and of their time together.
I find a relationship to be moderately stressful because my own independence is compromised by the interdependence on which a relationship is based. There is less alone time and more times together, and sometimes this leads me to go with the flow and see what happens.
This is because the unknown qualities of the relationship exist. Unless she sincerely shares her thoughts with me about us and the relationship, I do not know what she wants from the relationship. Likewise, unless I share my thoughts with her about us and the relationship, she would not know what she wants from the relationship.
However, I do see that the anxiety I have about a relationship is based on the shortness of previous relationships that I have had. Perhaps I am intimidated by being with a woman, and this affects both my thoughts and feelings about myself and about her.
Overall, I realize that the stress of being in a relationship is a given. As well, my coping skills have improved over the years so I am prepared for a relationship, should it arise.
Yet I would much rather remain single because of the freedom. Yet I also realize there is freedom in a relationship i.e. by relying on a partner, a person does not have to be totally self reliant, though it is useful to maintain self reliance when apart for extended periods of time.
Why do I like being single as opposed to being in a relationship? I am free of responsibilities that come with being in a relationship i.e. shared life, mutual interdependence, and sense of us.
I doubt that I am that selfish that I cannot handle being in a relationship. At the moment, I am not that selfless yet so as to be able to fully exist as a partner for another person.
As I said, if it happens, then it happens. Being single is not that selfish of a relationship when my thoughts are on my friends, my family and even strangers. It depends on the situation, but I have a handle on my life.
In any case, I am blessed with being single and am comfortable with being alone. My loneliness is handled through a strong reliance on meditation and prayer, along with sublimation of desire by reading books and inspirational material. I also keep a journal and post often to this blog.
20140805
The Third Gender Is Oppressed by the State (satire)
Due to the male-female extremism common in society today, a doctor at birth determines if the baby is male or female.
Ambiguous genitals discovered during examination by the physician requires fixing it including forcing a boy with micropenis to be treated as a girl, and for a girl with pseudomicropenis-like clitoris to be treated as a boy IF she has no vagina (which does happen).
The truth is, due to the State falling for the either or fallacy about men and women, boy and girl, such sexual reassignments will be done with impunity, because children will refuse to address this once they become adults out of fear and embarassment about "being different" below the waist.
Truth be told, there are three genders.
Anything else enforced by the State through its health care actors is propaganda, and ultimately a lie which causes homophobes to get sexually excited over beating up gay people, and for teenagers to exercise control over sexually active teenaged girls by bullying them.
Indeed, there is probably an unconscious sexual component involved in bullying and related forms of violence, and possibly including mob violence.
Yes, I am saying normal human beings get turned on by violence against people who don't fit into their narrow categories of men and women, boy and girl, male and female.
As well, this male versus female dichotomy is an artifact of the post-modern era.
Originally posted on November 30, 2012 at 6:34 PM
Reference:
Third gender: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_gender
Ambiguous genitals discovered during examination by the physician requires fixing it including forcing a boy with micropenis to be treated as a girl, and for a girl with pseudomicropenis-like clitoris to be treated as a boy IF she has no vagina (which does happen).
The truth is, due to the State falling for the either or fallacy about men and women, boy and girl, such sexual reassignments will be done with impunity, because children will refuse to address this once they become adults out of fear and embarassment about "being different" below the waist.
Truth be told, there are three genders.
Anything else enforced by the State through its health care actors is propaganda, and ultimately a lie which causes homophobes to get sexually excited over beating up gay people, and for teenagers to exercise control over sexually active teenaged girls by bullying them.
Indeed, there is probably an unconscious sexual component involved in bullying and related forms of violence, and possibly including mob violence.
Yes, I am saying normal human beings get turned on by violence against people who don't fit into their narrow categories of men and women, boy and girl, male and female.
As well, this male versus female dichotomy is an artifact of the post-modern era.
Originally posted on November 30, 2012 at 6:34 PM
Reference:
Third gender: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_gender
Sometimes "I Love You" Means Just That (satire)
I'd like to say this to a woman I like, but don't have the balls. It's not the fear of rejection that stops me, but the fear that she might misunderstand the declaration of love.
When a man says "I love you", not all women hear it just as it is. They assume it means the guy is saying "I am saying this hoping to become more intimate with you -and have sex" when the guy actually means what he says.
Sometimes it is impossible to declare my love lest the woman mistake it for sexual desire.
Love like this is so unconditional that the very thought of making love is a ridiculous fantasy. How can one misunderstand unconditional love as the very act of making love, which has conditions about love attached to it?
Sometimes "I love you" means just that. Assuming that the person declaring it just wants to get into your pants is as sexist as other applications of heteronormative masculinity to fulfil the urges of the male libido.
Yes, I am saying that a woman who assumes a man just desires her solely for sex is as sexist as that desire.
Unconditional love removes all such sexist notions because all the conditions that apply to erotic love are removed. In their place is mutual respect for each other's rights and freedoms.
This is why sometimes "I love you" means just that, and nothing more.
Originally posted on August 27, 2013 at 11:32 PM
When a man says "I love you", not all women hear it just as it is. They assume it means the guy is saying "I am saying this hoping to become more intimate with you -and have sex" when the guy actually means what he says.
Sometimes it is impossible to declare my love lest the woman mistake it for sexual desire.
Love like this is so unconditional that the very thought of making love is a ridiculous fantasy. How can one misunderstand unconditional love as the very act of making love, which has conditions about love attached to it?
Sometimes "I love you" means just that. Assuming that the person declaring it just wants to get into your pants is as sexist as other applications of heteronormative masculinity to fulfil the urges of the male libido.
Yes, I am saying that a woman who assumes a man just desires her solely for sex is as sexist as that desire.
Unconditional love removes all such sexist notions because all the conditions that apply to erotic love are removed. In their place is mutual respect for each other's rights and freedoms.
This is why sometimes "I love you" means just that, and nothing more.
Originally posted on August 27, 2013 at 11:32 PM
What My Sex is Like in my Head (satire)
In public I sometimes behave like a socially inept 12-year-old. Some women who observe me get anxious, and ignore me. Other women try to maintain oblivious serenity. A few of them are disgusted with my "attitude."
Then I go home, sleep less than six hours a night, and is a willing captive of the manic libido!
Why? Because it beats the sadness inherent in depression, the anxiety about my lack of a sexual relationship.
Indeed, I especially loathe the social isolation that consistently befalls me after getting 6-10 hours of "normal" sleep at night.
For me, life isn't fulfilling because no woman is willing to cross the threshold and get to know me intimately.
Do I have to plan the seeds of passion into her mind to inflame her heart so that she crosses the line which separates us? I think not: no woman in her right mind wants to cross that boundary because she is safe living her life on her own terms without me.
She does not wish to share a life together with me for the same reason that I used to enjoy sleeping until noon: its safety socially isolates each of us from being intimate lest all hell break loose. This is also why women fear having mad sex without regret, because they loathe casual sex for its lack of a long-term relationship.
To most women, sex and intimacy is tied to a relationship which leads to a family. Thus sex for them is a means to an end: having children and mainly, companionship with a suitable lover and perhap a husband.
For men, sex is about lowering the blood pressure and rewarding their mate for picking them to protect them from other men. Women however call this reason for sex "selfish", ignoring the simple fact that their family-mindedness may be a mind game that they create for themselves to justify enjoying sex to the fullest.
In my humble opinion, women think about sex more often than men, but convince their men that their selfish sex is sexist whilst hold family-mindedness as the highest of human virtues. This is the work of the libido, not a rational mind.
For love is tied to our emotions and feelings about sex and relationships. They cannot help but be.
Indeed, libido is both the motivator of our feelings and emotions to use said feelings to establish emotional ties so that the mind does not turn to the dark side (depression) and cause a person to become socially isolated from family, friends and loved ones.
We fear loneliness so much that we ignore the fact that we spend most of our lives alone, shaking off the stress caused by the resulting anxieties.
This is why my sex activity is all in my head, while my hand is beating a tattoo to the south! >:)
Original post: September 1, 2011 at 6:27 PM
Reference:
Hypersexuality: http://bipolar.about.com/cs/hypersex/a/aa_hypersex.htm
Then I go home, sleep less than six hours a night, and is a willing captive of the manic libido!
Why? Because it beats the sadness inherent in depression, the anxiety about my lack of a sexual relationship.
Indeed, I especially loathe the social isolation that consistently befalls me after getting 6-10 hours of "normal" sleep at night.
For me, life isn't fulfilling because no woman is willing to cross the threshold and get to know me intimately.
Do I have to plan the seeds of passion into her mind to inflame her heart so that she crosses the line which separates us? I think not: no woman in her right mind wants to cross that boundary because she is safe living her life on her own terms without me.
She does not wish to share a life together with me for the same reason that I used to enjoy sleeping until noon: its safety socially isolates each of us from being intimate lest all hell break loose. This is also why women fear having mad sex without regret, because they loathe casual sex for its lack of a long-term relationship.
To most women, sex and intimacy is tied to a relationship which leads to a family. Thus sex for them is a means to an end: having children and mainly, companionship with a suitable lover and perhap a husband.
For men, sex is about lowering the blood pressure and rewarding their mate for picking them to protect them from other men. Women however call this reason for sex "selfish", ignoring the simple fact that their family-mindedness may be a mind game that they create for themselves to justify enjoying sex to the fullest.
In my humble opinion, women think about sex more often than men, but convince their men that their selfish sex is sexist whilst hold family-mindedness as the highest of human virtues. This is the work of the libido, not a rational mind.
For love is tied to our emotions and feelings about sex and relationships. They cannot help but be.
Indeed, libido is both the motivator of our feelings and emotions to use said feelings to establish emotional ties so that the mind does not turn to the dark side (depression) and cause a person to become socially isolated from family, friends and loved ones.
We fear loneliness so much that we ignore the fact that we spend most of our lives alone, shaking off the stress caused by the resulting anxieties.
This is why my sex activity is all in my head, while my hand is beating a tattoo to the south! >:)
Original post: September 1, 2011 at 6:27 PM
Reference:
Hypersexuality: http://bipolar.about.com/cs/hypersex/a/aa_hypersex.htm
Desire Sublimated (poetic satire)
If we were truly satiated by desire,
then no one would make love anymore.
Thus it is because we are rarely satisfied
that desire motivates us.
For libido is a cunning beast.
She who understands the optimal way
to satisfy her desires knows how to
openly sublimate those desires and
is successful in the pursuit of true love.
Originally posted: June 16, 2010
then no one would make love anymore.
Thus it is because we are rarely satisfied
that desire motivates us.
For libido is a cunning beast.
She who understands the optimal way
to satisfy her desires knows how to
openly sublimate those desires and
is successful in the pursuit of true love.
Originally posted: June 16, 2010
Unconditional Love - The Sublimation of Libido (satire)
Sublimation is when you wake up sexually aroused, but rather than "giving in to temptation", you turn it into gold — something as healthy as sexual expression — by reflecting deeply on unconditional love. This is not repression of the libido; this is sublimation.
Even though you are turned on by desire and passion, you ought to reach higher than base desire and physical love for unconditional love. For masturbation puts conditions on your sexual love, specifically it's a mess to clean up after it is over. Sublimating it into reflection on unconditional love places no conditions on love itself.
This is why unconditional love is greater than the libido, because millions of human beings do so every second until that love becomes the wellspring of productivity sustaining each of us.
Most of the time, sex propagates the species. Unconditional love propagates the good will of society. Yet the few people who do procreate are enough to sustain the world's population and even surpass expectations.
Overall, we have a greater capacity for unconditional love by being honest about our desire while showing willingness to sublimate it into unconditional love.
In my humble opinion, each person may decide to become sexually active, or most often, not. Yet unconditional love is what society shares with its members.
By sublimating sexual desire, a person becomes a productive members of society through work and play.
Original post: October 16, 2013 05:32 AM
Last posted: January 5, 2014 at 3:54 PM
Even though you are turned on by desire and passion, you ought to reach higher than base desire and physical love for unconditional love. For masturbation puts conditions on your sexual love, specifically it's a mess to clean up after it is over. Sublimating it into reflection on unconditional love places no conditions on love itself.
This is why unconditional love is greater than the libido, because millions of human beings do so every second until that love becomes the wellspring of productivity sustaining each of us.
Most of the time, sex propagates the species. Unconditional love propagates the good will of society. Yet the few people who do procreate are enough to sustain the world's population and even surpass expectations.
Overall, we have a greater capacity for unconditional love by being honest about our desire while showing willingness to sublimate it into unconditional love.
In my humble opinion, each person may decide to become sexually active, or most often, not. Yet unconditional love is what society shares with its members.
By sublimating sexual desire, a person becomes a productive members of society through work and play.
Original post: October 16, 2013 05:32 AM
Last posted: January 5, 2014 at 3:54 PM
20140128
Confession of a Japanophile (satire)
Genetics does not explain why I am obsessed with martial arts, ninjitsu, yakuza and samurai. For I am a Japanophile not just because I am Japanese, but because I — a Westernized Canadian-born Japanese person — am interested in my ancestors' culture.
Genetics likewise does not fully explain why I am usually heterosexual, and like mostly women and very few men. Being born male is only a part of the reason.
Perhaps society — being mostly heteronormative — subtly favors males who are heterosexual, though the LGBT lobby has a positive cultural, political and social influence on consumerism today. Before modernization, and even today, Japanese culture occasionally discouraged open practice of homosexuality yet condoned the practice, provided two people who are in love keep it discreet.
Indeed, none of the major Japanese religions were openly hostile to lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders.
Even so, the modern-day Japanese government, being conservative, does not guarantee civil rights to LGBT persons. As a result, in cases of spousal abuse, the victim does not have a refuge into which to flee.
In Japan, gay marriage isn't going to be in the Japanese law books for now.
The occasional admiring of a buff male body isn't genetic as much as physiological and an honest desire on the part of the observer to compare physical attributes, which is similar to a pissing contest.
Like the majority of Japanese males, my libido is repressed, due to cultural, physiological, psychological and religious influences. Being essentially in a culture where shame is used as a tool of social control, the behavior of a Japanese person may range from almost schizoid lack of sexual expression to discreet displays of sexuality tinged with shame and the fear of exposure of sexual deeds and the embarrassment resulting from such exposure.
With respect to animé and manga, which I read from time to time, yaoi and yuri are the same-sex flavor of relationships, along with mecha (robots), magical girl and harem genre. While yaoi and yuri present displays of sexuality for mass consumption by fans, robots may represent the hidden aspect of the libido with less overt sexuality; the magic girl, the fantasy element with humorous depictions of awkward moments involving sexuality; and the harem, the fantasy of a man with a lot of potential girlfriends.
Perhaps animé and manga could end up saving the world from utter boredom and anguish for teens and young adults. So I urge my fellow Japanophiles to help spread the word. 0_o
Returning to my confession of being a Japanophile, it was in my youth that I first discovered Shin Buddhism to be meatier than the teachings offered after Sunday service at the Central Fraser Valley Buddhist temple.
This discovery of the roots of Buddhism inspired me to learn Japanese so that I could recognize the characters. In addition, I developed an admiration for martial arts, particularly ninjitsu, as well as respect for samurai and the Yakuza.
Samurai are of interest to me since there were rumors that my father's ancestors may have been related to samurai. Indeed, this is most likely since my grandmother's maiden name was Tanaka, and my father's eldest sister married into the Nakamura family. For both Tanaka and Nakamura are well-known clans of Yamaguchi Prefecture.
As for Yakuza, it is rather interesting that a bad hand in Gaji — a popular Japanese flower card game — became the slang for Japanese criminal societies. However, mass media representations of Yakuza are often exaggerated for the blood and guts on film and in books — especially in manga, and on TV.
As well, the reports that when the city of Kobe was shaken by an earthquake some years ago, it was the Yakuza who first responded to the crisis before the municipal government did. However, I am not so naïve as to consider them to be the "good guys" as long as overt violence continues to be associated with the Yakuza.
Today, as a Canadian-born Japanese who is also a Japanophile, I do not favor the Japanese culture over the Westernized moderation of that culture which I internalize. While it would be admirable to be a perfect blend of Eastern and Western mores, I prefer the simpleness of the "less is more" philosophy with regard to both aesthetics. Thus, the less I try to be Japanese and Westernized, the more I emphasize the subtle qualities of both cultures.
Indeed, the blend of East and West is imperfect within my psyché yet useful to my life due to its simplicity.
Originally posted on January 25, 2004 at 0137H
Updated on February 12, 2013 at 0415H
Japanophile: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanophile
LGBT rights in Japan: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Japan
The Tanaka & Nakamura families of Yamaguchi Japan: http://www.tanakamura.com/
Samurai: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samurai
Yakuza: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yakuza
Animé: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anime
Manga: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manga
Genetics likewise does not fully explain why I am usually heterosexual, and like mostly women and very few men. Being born male is only a part of the reason.
Perhaps society — being mostly heteronormative — subtly favors males who are heterosexual, though the LGBT lobby has a positive cultural, political and social influence on consumerism today. Before modernization, and even today, Japanese culture occasionally discouraged open practice of homosexuality yet condoned the practice, provided two people who are in love keep it discreet.
Indeed, none of the major Japanese religions were openly hostile to lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders.
Even so, the modern-day Japanese government, being conservative, does not guarantee civil rights to LGBT persons. As a result, in cases of spousal abuse, the victim does not have a refuge into which to flee.
In Japan, gay marriage isn't going to be in the Japanese law books for now.
The occasional admiring of a buff male body isn't genetic as much as physiological and an honest desire on the part of the observer to compare physical attributes, which is similar to a pissing contest.
Like the majority of Japanese males, my libido is repressed, due to cultural, physiological, psychological and religious influences. Being essentially in a culture where shame is used as a tool of social control, the behavior of a Japanese person may range from almost schizoid lack of sexual expression to discreet displays of sexuality tinged with shame and the fear of exposure of sexual deeds and the embarrassment resulting from such exposure.
With respect to animé and manga, which I read from time to time, yaoi and yuri are the same-sex flavor of relationships, along with mecha (robots), magical girl and harem genre. While yaoi and yuri present displays of sexuality for mass consumption by fans, robots may represent the hidden aspect of the libido with less overt sexuality; the magic girl, the fantasy element with humorous depictions of awkward moments involving sexuality; and the harem, the fantasy of a man with a lot of potential girlfriends.
Perhaps animé and manga could end up saving the world from utter boredom and anguish for teens and young adults. So I urge my fellow Japanophiles to help spread the word. 0_o
Returning to my confession of being a Japanophile, it was in my youth that I first discovered Shin Buddhism to be meatier than the teachings offered after Sunday service at the Central Fraser Valley Buddhist temple.
This discovery of the roots of Buddhism inspired me to learn Japanese so that I could recognize the characters. In addition, I developed an admiration for martial arts, particularly ninjitsu, as well as respect for samurai and the Yakuza.
Samurai are of interest to me since there were rumors that my father's ancestors may have been related to samurai. Indeed, this is most likely since my grandmother's maiden name was Tanaka, and my father's eldest sister married into the Nakamura family. For both Tanaka and Nakamura are well-known clans of Yamaguchi Prefecture.
As for Yakuza, it is rather interesting that a bad hand in Gaji — a popular Japanese flower card game — became the slang for Japanese criminal societies. However, mass media representations of Yakuza are often exaggerated for the blood and guts on film and in books — especially in manga, and on TV.
As well, the reports that when the city of Kobe was shaken by an earthquake some years ago, it was the Yakuza who first responded to the crisis before the municipal government did. However, I am not so naïve as to consider them to be the "good guys" as long as overt violence continues to be associated with the Yakuza.
Today, as a Canadian-born Japanese who is also a Japanophile, I do not favor the Japanese culture over the Westernized moderation of that culture which I internalize. While it would be admirable to be a perfect blend of Eastern and Western mores, I prefer the simpleness of the "less is more" philosophy with regard to both aesthetics. Thus, the less I try to be Japanese and Westernized, the more I emphasize the subtle qualities of both cultures.
Indeed, the blend of East and West is imperfect within my psyché yet useful to my life due to its simplicity.
Originally posted on January 25, 2004 at 0137H
Updated on February 12, 2013 at 0415H
Japanophile: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanophile
LGBT rights in Japan: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Japan
The Tanaka & Nakamura families of Yamaguchi Japan: http://www.tanakamura.com/
Samurai: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samurai
Yakuza: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yakuza
Animé: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anime
Manga: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manga
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