This article is about responsibility, both in my personal life and within a relationship. It is a reflection on how I perceive responsibility, both as a single person and in a relationship. It is a description of how I view my life and the potential of a relationship.
I am solely in charge of my own life. It would be totally irresponsible of me to be totally responsible for another person's life. So when I share my life with other people, the boundaries will rise up when necessary.
Each of us is only responsible for his own life, outside of a loving relationship. It would help to clearly define those boundaries in a relationship so that the other person always is able to handle theirs.
However, true love means that each person in a relationship be emotionally supportive of each other. It does not mean we take responsibility for another person's life. Rather it means that we are responsible for providing emotional support for each other.
Deciding to be responsible for our mutual lives together implies that we be responsible to each other. The whole goal of a relationship is to acting interdependent on each other.
Self-reliance is balanced by reliance on each other for emotional support. It does not imply that we absolve ourselves of being responsible to each other.
I cannot live another person's life. It is enough to live my own. Any potential lover ought to realize that love does not excuse them of behaving in a responsible manner that promotes stability both emotionally and mentally.
Neither side ought to take each other for granted. For that is what love is about: seeing each other as worthy and vital to the relationship.
Returning to my own life, I show responsibility by paying my own bills and taking care of my material needs, from paying rent to paying for food. However, my sense of individuality requires adjustments (less independence) within the context of a relationship.
If I am blessed with a relationship, then so be it.
As for now, I am content with being single. Although the single life is overrated, and the loneliness is sometimes more than I can bear, I plan to take each day as it comes and focus on what the day brings me.
Is being alone so bad? Not really. It only becomes stressful when a tinge of loneliness comes over me. Meditation helps me here, as well as being thankful to all the blessings in my life.
Such blessings include being alive, the ability to feel emotions and maintain emotional control, having a job, paying bills, discussing matters of importance with my friends, visiting my mother weekly, and maintaining control over my life.
Most certainly, falling in love with a lover is also a blessing. In fact, it is a double blessing since we would be blessed with each other's presence. Hopefully our mutual respect for each other will moderate our love for each other.
In a relationship, each party wants to care for the other person's feelings and discuss their expectations in the relationship to make it work and last a long time. Then they can work towards the goal of balancing their sense of self with sense of selflessness that a relationship demands.
By selflessness is meant emotional support for the other person's emotional well being, and the willingness to sacrifice selfish desires for the willingness to share resources to help exist as a couple.
Both partners in a relationship develop a sense of us to complement the sense of self as individual. Thus there is a sharing of resources and of their time together.
I find a relationship to be moderately stressful because my own independence is compromised by the interdependence on which a relationship is based. There is less alone time and more times together, and sometimes this leads me to go with the flow and see what happens.
This is because the unknown qualities of the relationship exist. Unless she sincerely shares her thoughts with me about us and the relationship, I do not know what she wants from the relationship. Likewise, unless I share my thoughts with her about us and the relationship, she would not know what she wants from the relationship.
However, I do see that the anxiety I have about a relationship is based on the shortness of previous relationships that I have had. Perhaps I am intimidated by being with a woman, and this affects both my thoughts and feelings about myself and about her.
Overall, I realize that the stress of being in a relationship is a given. As well, my coping skills have improved over the years so I am prepared for a relationship, should it arise.
Yet I would much rather remain single because of the freedom. Yet I also realize there is freedom in a relationship i.e. by relying on a partner, a person does not have to be totally self reliant, though it is useful to maintain self reliance when apart for extended periods of time.
Why do I like being single as opposed to being in a relationship? I am free of responsibilities that come with being in a relationship i.e. shared life, mutual interdependence, and sense of us.
I doubt that I am that selfish that I cannot handle being in a relationship. At the moment, I am not that selfless yet so as to be able to fully exist as a partner for another person.
As I said, if it happens, then it happens. Being single is not that selfish of a relationship when my thoughts are on my friends, my family and even strangers. It depends on the situation, but I have a handle on my life.
In any case, I am blessed with being single and am comfortable with being alone. My loneliness is handled through a strong reliance on meditation and prayer, along with sublimation of desire by reading books and inspirational material. I also keep a journal and post often to this blog.
Showing posts with label sexual sublimation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sexual sublimation. Show all posts
20140805
Desire Sublimated (poetic satire)
If we were truly satiated by desire,
then no one would make love anymore.
Thus it is because we are rarely satisfied
that desire motivates us.
For libido is a cunning beast.
She who understands the optimal way
to satisfy her desires knows how to
openly sublimate those desires and
is successful in the pursuit of true love.
Originally posted: June 16, 2010
then no one would make love anymore.
Thus it is because we are rarely satisfied
that desire motivates us.
For libido is a cunning beast.
She who understands the optimal way
to satisfy her desires knows how to
openly sublimate those desires and
is successful in the pursuit of true love.
Originally posted: June 16, 2010
Unconditional Love - The Sublimation of Libido (satire)
Sublimation is when you wake up sexually aroused, but rather than "giving in to temptation", you turn it into gold — something as healthy as sexual expression — by reflecting deeply on unconditional love. This is not repression of the libido; this is sublimation.
Even though you are turned on by desire and passion, you ought to reach higher than base desire and physical love for unconditional love. For masturbation puts conditions on your sexual love, specifically it's a mess to clean up after it is over. Sublimating it into reflection on unconditional love places no conditions on love itself.
This is why unconditional love is greater than the libido, because millions of human beings do so every second until that love becomes the wellspring of productivity sustaining each of us.
Most of the time, sex propagates the species. Unconditional love propagates the good will of society. Yet the few people who do procreate are enough to sustain the world's population and even surpass expectations.
Overall, we have a greater capacity for unconditional love by being honest about our desire while showing willingness to sublimate it into unconditional love.
In my humble opinion, each person may decide to become sexually active, or most often, not. Yet unconditional love is what society shares with its members.
By sublimating sexual desire, a person becomes a productive members of society through work and play.
Original post: October 16, 2013 05:32 AM
Last posted: January 5, 2014 at 3:54 PM
Even though you are turned on by desire and passion, you ought to reach higher than base desire and physical love for unconditional love. For masturbation puts conditions on your sexual love, specifically it's a mess to clean up after it is over. Sublimating it into reflection on unconditional love places no conditions on love itself.
This is why unconditional love is greater than the libido, because millions of human beings do so every second until that love becomes the wellspring of productivity sustaining each of us.
Most of the time, sex propagates the species. Unconditional love propagates the good will of society. Yet the few people who do procreate are enough to sustain the world's population and even surpass expectations.
Overall, we have a greater capacity for unconditional love by being honest about our desire while showing willingness to sublimate it into unconditional love.
In my humble opinion, each person may decide to become sexually active, or most often, not. Yet unconditional love is what society shares with its members.
By sublimating sexual desire, a person becomes a productive members of society through work and play.
Original post: October 16, 2013 05:32 AM
Last posted: January 5, 2014 at 3:54 PM
20130510
Ultimate Sublimation for a Dear Friend (poem)
Being able to help out a dear friend
financially is better than sex.
Even though the world expects me
to be less generous, it is
immoral to treat a dear friend
in dire straits like a mere pauper.
Even though my means aren't great,
I would rather be reborn
in the Buddhist hells
than neglect my dear friends.
For being of help to my friends arises
due to ultimate sublimation of desire.
financially is better than sex.
Even though the world expects me
to be less generous, it is
immoral to treat a dear friend
in dire straits like a mere pauper.
Even though my means aren't great,
I would rather be reborn
in the Buddhist hells
than neglect my dear friends.
For being of help to my friends arises
due to ultimate sublimation of desire.
20100827
The Healthy Libido
Using the libido for healthy creative purposes other than the basic need, called the sublimation of sex, is a healthy alternative to human sexual expression.
For me that involves using my computer. So, to write, to take photographs, and to use the creative tools at my disposal is a healthy alternative to satisfying the needs of self-actualization (personal growth achieved once the basic needs are met).
I do not for a moment believe that my sexual needs are not met, nor are they repressed. Rather they are sublimated to help sustain a higher state of mind.
Thus the creativity motivated by the libido is truly inspiring and fulfilling.
Once each poem is written, that particular state of mind may remain, but usually attachment to it fades. So in essence, creativity to me is also a form of mindful practice when it balances the positive and negative aspects of whatever mood and/or state of mind I am trying to explain.
When inspired I could write a lengthy essay about Buddhism. Or, when touched by the fragility and tragedy of a particular world event, I might reflect on it within the context of Buddhism.
Basically, the libido has been transformed by Buddhist meditation into creativity, and thus positively to promote a positive attitude towards life.
In this way the libido is sublimated through the healthy outlet of creativity.
Reference:
Sexual sublimation: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_sublimation
Self-actualization: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-actualization#Self-actualization_and_Maslow.27s_Hierarchy
Creativity: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creativity
Buddhism and Creativity: http://fwbo.org/reading/buddhism_and_creativity.html
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