Bed shortage at Royal Columbian Hospital Confirmed

January 30, 2007: At the end of September 2004, for approximately 10 days, I experience the bed shortage at Royal Columbian Hospital. It appears that in three years, not much has changed.

After my mild TBI in July, I was sent home after 8 days without any follow-up or therapy or consultation by a neurologist. He had no time, and I was displaying positive signs of recovery, although my personality was undergoing changes.

So later, when I went in for a schedule CAT scan, the technician notice what appeared to be a subarachnoid hematoma. They wouldn't let me leave; I was even told that if I did leave, then they couldn't keep track of me.

So I quickly called my brother to get clothes and underwear to prepare for the long stay. Most of the time during the stay, I got so bored that I signed out of my ward so I could walk around the hospital, eating the cafeteria food, reading a book of science fiction stories my brother gave to me, and especially of all, going to the hospital library filled with books related to many medical fields.

While here at the hospital, I may have spent about 10-20 hours studying the effects of psychiatric medication on schizophrenia, depression, bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. As well, I tried to find out more about behavior therapies for these psychiatric disorders.

I even got myself my shaver to keep myself neat in appearance. Finally, I even included my PDA so I could keep myself occupied by making diary entries.

Ten days later, near the beginning of October, I get the CAT scan. After 45 minutes in an ambulance to Royal Columbian Hospital, I wait for my appointment on the scan table and get it done. Then I return by ambulance to Surrey Memorial.

So I knew back in 2004 that the bed crisis at Royal Columbian was real.

Weeks later, around January 2005, I find out that the subarachnoid hematoma was minor, as the bleeding had stopped and the blood had either moved out of the arachnoid space into the CSF (Cerebral Spinal Fluid) or absorbed into the body. Much of the healing of this injury I attribute to meditation on thankfulness for being alive and forgiveness towards the unknown assailant.

After I returned home, I made another trip to the hospital in 2006 with my best friend Frank. I spent about 10 minutes learning more about borderline personality disorder and Cognitive Behavior Therapy.

---

Originally posted: January 30, 2007 0958H
Update posted: March 2, 2013 2006H


Jimmy Pattison Outpatient Care and Surgery Centre:

• http://www.partnershipsbc.ca/files-4/project-fha.php
  
• http://www.fraserhealth.ca/about_us/building_for_better_health/jim-pattison-outpatient-care-and-surgery-centre/
  

Terms used in article:

mild TBI: I prefer the term "mild traumatic brain injury" (mild TBI) over the old term "concussion", which has been overused. The injury does not go away completely, as behavior and psychological functioning were temporarily altered for five years in my case.

subarachnoid hematoma: See: http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Subarachnoid+hematoma
"Whether through trauma or disease, subarachnoid hemorrhages are caused by blood being released by a damaged blood vessel and accumulating in the subarachnoid space."

See also: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subarachnoid_hemorrhage

The subarachnoid space is "the area between the arachnoid membrane and the pia mater surrounding the brain. " It is one of three layers protecting the brain, located between the outer dura mater and the inner pia mater, and separated from the latter by the subarachnoid space.

Xenophobia (with update)

"XENOPHOBIA" may be the most frightening word in the English language.

Fear of strangers, foreigners or anything unknown surely dates back to early man.

Originally, it was probably linked to the instinct for survival -- that unknown creature or scowling outsider might well have been out to get us. Since our first days upright, however, our suspicious attitude has probably hobbled our efforts to get ahead.

---

May 27, 2004: Boy, I really wanna be treated to psychotherapy now!


In July of 2004 I suffered a head injury that was work related.


Over the next couple years, I went to hell and back but my total of 18 days (8 days the
first time and 10 days observation in October) impressed me the most.
I was actually treated better the second time because I managed to get underwear and supplies to make my stay manageable, and spent most of my time booked out of the ward so I can explore the hospital. A sub-arachnoid haematoma needing assessment can do that for you.

...

Medical and psychological issues didn't go away until around the end of 2006. Though I don't think I am fully recovered because now I think I am suffering from stress-related anxiety which cause brief hallucinations - I see people, then look again, and know my eyes are playing tricks on me. The stress is just the normal, on-the-go kind of stress after a good night's sleep. So I know it's related to the brain injury.

As for the first time in the hospital I felt like I was the 'other'. It had to be the head trauma. Maybe this otherness and feeling on not fitting in throughout my life is due to brain injuries I'd previously suffered. I don't know.


February 12, 2013

Over the past year my moods have stabilized and things are looking up.

For about a week, I even have consider visiting Japan once before I am old and gray, all gum and no teeth, yet no longer burping and being flatulent.

For by then death may be knocking at the door. Still, in contrast to the prospect of dying alone, my reaction now is to look around and say, "Oh, yes! I am undergoing the last part of the cycle of birth-life-death."

Even so, while there's still breath in me, I shall practice Buddha Recitation while sitting in diapers, awaiting my final chapter coming to a close.

What do I do for now? Practice just sitting, while the Six Syllable of serenity slide off my tongue in sincere gratitude.

Namu Amitabha!

---

Xenophobia: http://www.canada.com/northshorenews/news/story.html?id=12dd4457-702a-4bbe-87b6-fdff5dc1a5cc&p=1

This one is about relationships and sexual health and its positive effect on mind, body and soul

Recovery is a continuing process.

Even in the most trying time, I tell myself, "This too shall pass."

Then when it gets too rough, I read inspirational material, be it AA or spiritual, and meditate or pray until the memories are done.

For myself I think my anxieties are the result of existential fear and of dilemmas due to regression and cognitive distortions, both of which elicit a fear reaction which may become an anxiety.

When neither medication nor sleep settles my mind, the one pacifier is a last resort to brings respite: an orgasm! :p

Afterwards, I reflect on when I first had one and remember that no one had any idea what I was up to, and were mystified, being children too.

Today I can see of my history clearly, and realize that my habit of masturbation has actually left self-will in charge. I barely matured as for as socialization goes, to the point where I could trust a loved one intimately. Perhaps it's partly due to ageing.

If I suppressed desire rather than truly sublimated it, then I am sure that my mental health would suffer for it. I feel that the pleasure arising from such a wonderful act as making love, for me, was a way to escape the pain of growing up different from other children.

My mTBIs left me with the feeling that my feelings and emotions were to be labelled by others in order for me to validate them and make them mind. Yet such childish dependency on another to validate my feeling left me relying on others for clues about what I was feeling.

I am thankful for this insight, but also realize that the Christian path would put too much pressure on me to conform as well as place tests on me to see if I am socialized enough to conquer self-will and sublimate desire.

Yet if I quit Freedom Session then I place pressure on myself in the form of guilt over not following through after inventing money, time, and effort. So I will continue with it, but keep participation in church Services open in case I am inspire to come and see what it's about.

Even so, my sexual health will be at maintenance level until I am ready to expand my horizons regarding developing a love interest whom I would eventually love and trust enough to share an couple orgasms with. However, this is fourth on my list after 1) work, 2) maintaining current friendships, and 3) keeping ties with family.

It's not a big deal, despite all my fantasies of finding a mate, which tends to not be detailed regarding grow to show that love and create a bond which allows us to trust each other. It comes through experiencing positive moments which satisfied the higher needs necessary to resulting the ongoing process of self-actualization.

This special moment was shared in an online forum and I felt no shame over the act.

So I am sure I have either matured or, most likely, my feelings may be blunted by lack of sleep and resulting fatigue.

Why I Chose Medication

Earlier in 2010, I chose to use mirtazapine, not to cure depression, but to augment psychotherapy, and to use direct experience to validate my hypothesis about the neurophysiological cause of the disorder (Borderline Personality Disorder) I was originally diagnosed with i.e. mild Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI).

Psychotherapy lasted for a year.

My hypothesis is that the many mTBI I received from childhood into adulthood resulted in trauma which is the main cause of BPD. My use of mirtazapine is to treat the side effects of mTBI, of which depression is one of them.

I am also of the opinion that mirtazapine, as a strong sedative, also relieved me of the fear of heights, which demonstrates that phobias are in part a neurophysiological affect of mTBI in my case.

---

Originally posted: June 19, 2010 1847H
Update posted: March 4, 2013 1522H

Sleep Disorder Common Malady of Mild Traumatic Brain Injury

December 8, 2008: According to my experience, mild TBI (traumatic brain injury) began early. I do not doubt that I was quite two when, in a fit of anger, my brother - aged 3 - took the hoe he was using to play in the tiny sandbox we had in the yard.

Since then, there have been numerous mTBI, including a fall down the stairs around 5 years of age, smashing my left temple on the corner of the stone fireplace...

Later in school I once bumped into a fellow student in Grade 2, and got a nasty gash on the back of my head. The fellow who bumped into me, DK, grew up in poverty. His family life was one of deprivation and squalidness.

Years passed. I developed insomnia as a result of antihistamines used for hay fever, and was quite exhausted by age 8.

Recently, a mTBI in July 2004 resulted in a lot of chaos that went away after I became roommates with my ex-GF LJ and her new BF TN.

My guess is, these mTBIs may be the root of my inability to form long intimate relationships with the opposite sex. There just isn't depth to me for a woman to tolerate me for long.

I say it's the TBI combined with the Japanese upbringing. For there appears to be a wall which comes up when I am asked to open up and truly communicate.

It's frustrating though, and yet I carry on, mainly because this blog is the best means of communication for me.

So too is Facebook, especially its ability to use a smartphone's camera to send pictures to the Albums section.

Yet pictures may paint a thousand words, but true communication demands face-to-face communication. Computers do not provide that, even with a webcam.

Only activities which help one to talk with other like-minded people may do that. So I will try to make Meetup meetings when my schedules allows it.

In the meantime, I am happy taking pictures on my KODAK EASYSHARE C763 Zoom Digital Camera.

Update: February 2, 2013

Currently I use my Samsung S II HD LTE smartphone as my main camera since my KODAK camera stopped working. This began during the summer of 2012.

I mainly use the default camera app.

Regarding my sleep disorder, I use flexeril and gabapentin as sleep aids since they both are safe and effective when used as directed.

The mTBI Blues: I fell down

January 31, 2007: If I didn't land on my arm, then this bruise might have been on my brain. Right after I fell I raised myself up, in pain on my right side. Then this lady in the car that passed me stopped.

As I was about to walk away, the lady asks meekly, "Are you ok?" "Yes, I am" I said weakly, as I tried to ignore the pain.

If the person had been professional enough, she would have been out in a flash and helping me up.

I'm still lucky for not having another concussion to add to my list of mild traumatic brain injuries.

It took the bruise a week to look like this. Most of it is yellow or reddish.

I think I heal faster because I am getting proper nutrition, but more likely I try to leave my wounds alone to heal.

A week ago, I had a slight stitch in my gut near the appendix due to this fall. That went away within 96 hours. In about four days this bruise will go away.

So regarding the past bruise on my brain, this healed hematoma, the headaches are like inflammation, and the mood changes (from anxiety, anger, irritability etc. to the mellow, fearless, slightly disturbed, loss of impulse control) are like the skin color changes as the bruise goes away.

As for the personality changes I've experienced, it indicates mild brain injury. There are possibly some front lobe changes the rehab clinic missed in their tests.

Supposedly I am not showing any frontal lobe syndromes.

However, the inability to think far ahead when distracted and/or tired coupled with the hypomania in reaction to very mild stimulants like SAMe, ginseng, and green tea may indicate changes that may be discounted by the untrained professional.

Overall though, with guidance I won't be doing stupid things on-line anymore. That's probably what really made me fall: a combination of insomnia and too much time spent on-line.

aftermath of a brain injury

On July 19, 2004 between the time of 3:15 AM and 3.30 AM I was assaulted on the job at a worksite, near where I live.

The area is notorious for being a drug haven and hooker stroll.

I will only refer to the worksite as "the bingo hall in a small strip mall."

As for myself, I am a security guard.

After being punched repeatedly in the head by a drug-craazed male, I fell unconscious. According to what I was told over the next two days in the Emergency Ward, I'd been rushed to the hospital by 3.40 AM.

Thanks to the Emergency Ward staff I regained consciousness within 3 hours. By July 23, I recovered full use of most of my senses to discover all the guy who beat me up wanted was the work cellphone my employer provides me.


A week later, here is what I repress: most of the memory of the assaulting me. He wanted my money, and threatened to kill me. Today, I just think of it with some puzzlement.

side effects of the concussion suffered at work:

headaches and dizziness.
aches in pain in legs and backside due to reduced walking.


Good news: physically I improved rapidly over the week I was in the hospital. As well, I was in denial about the extent of my injuries to prevent depression from overwhelming me.

Tomorrow I go for a CAT scan to see how well my brain's improved.