Search This Blog


Xenophobia (with update)

"XENOPHOBIA" may be the most frightening word in the English language.

Fear of strangers, foreigners or anything unknown surely dates back to early man.

Originally, it was probably linked to the instinct for survival -- that unknown creature or scowling outsider might well have been out to get us. Since our first days upright, however, our suspicious attitude has probably hobbled our efforts to get ahead.

May 27, 2004: Boy, I really wanna be treated to psychotherapy now!

In July of 2004 I suffered a head injury that was work related.

Over the next couple years, I went to hell and back but my total of 18 days (8 days the
first time and 10 days observation in October) impressed me the most.
I was actually treated better the second time because I managed to get underwear and supplies to make my stay manageable, and spent most of my time booked out of the ward so I can explore the hospital. A sub-arachnoid haematoma needing assessment can do that for you.


Medical and psychological issues didn't go away until around the end of 2006. Though I don't think I am fully recovered because now I think I am suffering from stress-related anxiety which cause brief hallucinations - I see people, then look again, and know my eyes are playing tricks on me. The stress is just the normal, on-the-go kind of stress after a good night's sleep. So I know it's related to the brain injury.

As for the first time in the hospital I felt like I was the 'other'. It had to be the head trauma. Maybe this otherness and feeling on not fitting in throughout my life is due to brain injuries I'd previously suffered. I don't know.

February 12, 2013

Over the past year my moods have stabilized and things are looking up.

For about a week, I even have consider visiting Japan once before I am old and gray, all gum and no teeth, yet no longer burping and being flatulent.

For by then death may be knocking at the door. Still, in contrast to the prospect of dying alone, my reaction now is to look around and say, "Oh, yes! I am undergoing the last part of the cycle of birth-life-death."

Even so, while there's still breath in me, I shall practice Buddha Recitation while sitting in diapers, awaiting my final chapter coming to a close.

What do I do for now? Practice just sitting, while the Six Syllable of serenity slide off my tongue in sincere gratitude.

Namu Amitabha!


No comments: