Seclusion: Overcoming Social Isolation (satire)

Since social isolation causes psychological pain, another question must be addressed: "Why do seemingly normal people isolate themselves from society?"

Back on October 10, 2003 at 2:55 AM I wrote:

Seclusion is necessary, for 25% of our lives - since each of us do need time alone to reflect on their lives. To be in the presence of others for extended periods of time, one would have to give up a lot of privacy. As well, a highly socialized person would feel comfortable in the presence of other people.

However, a person who spends more than 50% of his time alone values his privacy. Of course, he is never alone totally since he will have to interact with merchants, his landlord, and even his own family.

Most likely, he may suffer from being alone, socially isolated from other people.

Overall, I wish to spend more time with people I have grown to love, and to learn to respect those of them who have caused me the most pain, since usually they turn out to be the most beloved of all the people to whom I have bonded.

Update: January 8, 2014 at 2006H

Few people can readily adapt to social isolation without suffering depression. I learned that knowing people care actually helped me recover.

Over the past decade, I have learned to respect my family.

It turns out that most the pain I attributed to my family was self-inflicted, being regret at not being able to live up to unrealistic expectations that arose in response to not being told what those expectations are.

Today, I have chosen one realistic expectation of myself, which is keep my expectations low enough to meet the demand of the day.

While most of my time is still spent alone, it is well spent outside the confines of my own home.

As a result, I feel that seclusion is time well spent being alone to reflect on my life. It also has become easier to spend the other 75% of my time in the presence of other people.

Even so, I only a little privacy over the past decade.

Of course, the lowest part of my life was circa 2010-2011. However, I have recovered from the worst of social isolation, which may have resulted in depression and much psychic pain, pain that affected my psyche to the point of procrastination and questioning my very existence.

After a year of therapy, the most important inspiration came from my psychotherapist when he told me, "You would never go to the Emergency Ward suffering from a complete mental breakdown." I interpret this to mean that I would take care of myself to prevent depression from taking over my life completely.

Indeed, once free from therapy, my life has been improving slowly but surely. Today, I know how to cope with sitting in my room by spending my time online, writing a blog, making music, and reading.

As well, I meditate from time to time, according to my time schedule, especially when spending time online. Every ninety minutes or so, I either meditate, have a snack, or read a book.

At the moment, I am in recovery from depression. This means I have developed the skills needed to cope with life, along with proper sleep hygiene (in bed no later than 2 AM), regular exercise, and meditation.

Today, it's not 2010 anymore. It's 2014, and the year has only begun.

And I am thankful to all the friends I made along the way.

I'm not mad enough for the loony bin (poem)

No, no, I'm not mad enough
for the loony bin!
Though I have tried therapy,
Once I was caught being
selective about the truths
I'd tell my ex-therapist,
My case was closed
and now I can't get back in.

No, no, I'm not mad enough
for the loony bin!
The therapist, he says to me,
"I don't think you'll ever
end up in the emergency ward."
Now my case is close,
and I can't ever get back in.

So, so, I know I'm sane,
even though from time to time,
I'll lose sleep from insomnia,
pseudo-hallucinate auras,
"smoke" floating to the sky,
and other freaky stuff like that.
Then I'll check in to sleepy time.

Male and Female Triad of Archetypes in My Dream

It's been about 5 days on my new cyclobenzaprine (10 gm) & gabapentin (100 mg) prescription.

I've noticed dreams during onset to stage 2 sleep. The content of the dreams isn't upsetting, though in the one which awoke me, the main theme I notice is three paired male-female archetypes. Another thing I've notice is that these dreams have started over the past two days when I have used 100 mg gabapentin rather than the usual 200 mg.

Most likely this is due to a combination of having had a full day of being outdoors.

Tuesday I spent time in Vancouver first at the library, then at English Bay and took a lot of pictures; then I went to UBC for the pizza & Pepsi for $3.50 & went home. Wednesday I spent time at UBC, used the free Internet, did some errands and then returned home.

The reason why I feel that the dreams are due to being out and about is because in the past, sometimes I have a dream that's so full of content that I wake up.

While I cannot prove if my dreams are the result of recent existential memories being transfered from short-term to long-term memory, the fact that I awoke tonight implies that I had a larger set of memories accumulated over two days to transfer.

My hypothesis is that dreams are the side effect of memory transfer from short-term to long-term memory. Everything in that dream is symbolic of that memory transfer even though the content of that dream may be off-topic and sometimes out of this world.

Tonight the characters in the dream were 3 females, one a young girl (virgin), the same age as my roommate (maiden), and possibly an elderly woman (crome). The young girl had been befriended by the maiden, but on asking the maiden if she had called the virgin's mother, the maiden got upset. At some point some kind of kitchen utensil is involved and there is a risk of harming the virgin. The maiden is getting angrier and angrier because I am questioning this polite thing to do. The "I" is the observer and I've forgotten the other two male archetypes. Another aspect of the dream is that it's the same place I am going to which is dreamland's analog of reality. Oh, I met the young girl's family, though have forgotten how many members in that family. Possibly it's three including the girl.

The virgin-maiden-crone archetype appears to be similar to the Freudian id-ego-superego, so I will refer to the male archetypes as id, ego, and superego.

The reason why I remember more about the female archetypes than the male has to do with my hypothesis that a person dreams about the opposite gender to help balance out the dominance of his or her own gender. I feel that the romantic notion of a sex dream is wishful thinking on the part of psychotherapists designed more to entertain than to an accurate description of a dream. YMMV

The female triad of archetypes is also myth-poetic, which appeals to me; the male triad of archetypes is not, which represents my current rejection of Freudian archetypes. Indeed, that is why I do not remember nor can I describe the other two males besides the observer. This is because I feel that one cannot separate the male triad of archetypes, for they are homogeneous elements i.e. id=ego=superego, mixed together as one. This implies that I = (id+ego+superego) in the past two dreams.

Even in the dream, the virgin and maiden were only present, I believe, because the maiden is actually the composite of maiden-crone. As a side note, my female roommate had a hysterectomy, and that might have been encoded into the dream as the composite female archetype.

I'm pretty sure this familiar place I return to in my dreams is the analog of the memory transfer going on. This implies that each building I have seen in my dreams, and the different places are actually places where I store memory. This even includes the cars, the river, and the people. It would take a dream dictionary to discover what emotions are being stored with the experiences I have had over the past 60 hours.

I also believe that dreams are entertainment to help relieve the boredom of sleep.

Anyway, I"m going to take another gabapentin, and see if I have another dream...

Meditation on Gender, Western and Eastern Cultures, and Psychotherapy

May everyone be at peace with themselves.
May everyone progress in their spiritual journey.
May everyone endeavor to perfect their minds.
With peaceful heart, may this one walk the path
towards the moment of putting out the fire,
and thus passing onto a higher plane.

Analysis of meditation

"Be at peace" implies a peaceful heart.

"Progress" accepts that not all people who desire a perfect mind have a perfect body.
However, with more effort the dedicated practitioner achieves more peace and calm.

"Endeavor" implies that all one needs to do is act to perfect your mind. Perfection of a mind implies that one learn to meditate. It does not happen right now; yet even after the first week, meditation will lead one to a perfect mind.

With peace comes satisfaction. This is a given. In walking the path, this one encounter less obstacle to reach the goal all Buddhists desire: Nirvana. This desire is not tainted by desire for fame or gain, because that desire corrupts the mind.

Thus one needs to put out the fire of desire, so that one may pass onto a higher plane of existence. This higher plane does not make the earnest practitioner above it all. Rather, she sees no difference between herself and another person with regard to the mind.

A Meditation on gender

For the only difference between man and woman is physical. Our description about the human condition is gender neutral. Likewise, gender is actually unimportant.

In denying women access to the tools of Buddhism such as meditation and the breathing exercises, the Theravada form is sexist to Westerners whose culture is highly sensitive to women's rights. Yet the Theravada form is fostered in a culture where sensitivity to women's rights is fine in politics, but not in religion.

Thus, the apparent sexism is designed to help women understand their place in that culture, which is called Eastern.

Eastern and Western Cultures

Were I to blend the two cultures, it is possible to have a broader understanding of both cultures so that Westerners may understand Eastern culture.

As well, to criticize Theravada Buddhism effectively, the practitioner needs to understand his culture and its effect on Buddhism.

For why is it that Zen is favored over other forms of Buddhism. Shingon Buddhism may
look like a mix of mysticism and symbolism, but it works for a Shingon practitioner.

Psychotherapy and Buddhism

Yet Buddhism is practical for anyone to use, and the breathing exercises of meditation have been incorporated in cognitive behavior therapy.

Thus a psychotherapy that incorporates meditation as its therapeutic tool only uses it to achieve a calm mind. By separating the spiritual part of meditation from the physical part of breathing and posture, such a psychotherapy is devoid of spiritual development.

In this way, anyone can use such therapy to reduce the effects of stress so that one can do anything. Yet there are few statistics on how meditation relieves stress.

Final Meditation

May all who read this know that this person who wrote these words that the spiritual journey is a sacred one, yet it is also a personal journey of self-discovery.

May all know that "self" in context of the spiritual journey is not the ego, that part of a person's psyché that motivates one to seek comfort and satisfaction.

For the "self" this person speaks of is the higher self on that higher spiritual plane which few people achieve except for the greatest of practitioners.

May all also know that "this person" refers to the author of this meditation.

May all who read this discover happiness to be not a goal but a state of mind that is fleeting.

May all who achieve this state of mind of happiness be satisfied with their lot.

For to desire happiness is unwise; it would be better to enjoy the moment.

May all who achieve happiness know that meditation is more fun when you are happy.

May all who realize how fun meditation is, focus on their breath.

This person respects Amida Buddha, the Buddha of Infinite Light of loving-kindness and also the Buddha of Infinite Life of compassion.
---
The above is an example of how I explore Buddhist meditation. I don't just sit on my ass gazing at my navel.

Since meditation helps me to think even though my body is tired, it is in my best interest to use the tools before me to put my thought down.

My mind requires self expression, yet in this blog entry, that expression is done so that the gentle reader may understand where I am coming from.

As well, there is a minor catharsis occurring when I express myself. Even though my writing is not sophisticated and tempered by academic training, its topic at the moment is religion but not the religion most people are adverse to.

Masturbation and Mental Health

Anyone notice how mental health advocates subtly associate masturbation with anti-social behavior when it's actually a form of safe sex?

Did you know that the majority of sex offenders NEVER practice masturbation but consistently fail at safe sex?

Thus the fallacy that masturbation is not pro-social is promoted rather than that it's a form of safe sex which prevents pregnancy.

Therefore as part of a rapist's sentence, he must masturbate before he sees the hot doctor for tberapy.

As well, there ought to be a therapy session for mental health consumers about sexuality with a pro-masturbation component.

Additional, contraband such as pure MDMA should replace the stimulants now in our prisons in Canada.

It is for the good of their mental health.

YMMV

Six More Sessions with the Psychotherapist

August 30, 2011: That means twelve more weeks of therapy (about 3 months).

So from November, I shall be on my own to cope with depression and anxiety, the result of the social isolation which starts around this time of year.

Though, my experience since age 2 has shown to me that the anxiety was learned from my parents, along with the depression from my mother.

While this is discounted by most people, I know it to be true for me.

This truth has freed me from believing that anxiety and depression are solely a biochemical reaction to longer nights and shorter days.

Instead, I feel that the social isolation is most likely a defense mechanism complicated by social anxiety.

Currently I feel fatigued, yet am willing to pause and reflect on the pluses for today.

Overall I am satisfied with the service I obtained from my local mental health centre.

Update 20130203.1213:

It now has been a year and four months since the end of psychotherapy at the local mental health centre.

Things have improved immensely since my medication was changed to gabapentin (200 mg twice a day) and cyclobenzaprine (10 mg at bedtime as needed).

In addition, it has been a couple weeks since finding and buying the following books:

• Buddhism of Wisdom and Faith by Thich Thien Tâm.
  
• Buddhism: An Introductory Guide to the Buddhist Tradition by John Snelling.
  
• afterzen: Experiences of a Zen Student Out on His Ear by Janwillem van de Wetering.
  

As for my behavior since getting those books, it improved immensely. Though I did commit errors due to the remnants of egocentricity, which arises when negativities unsettles my mind.

Sometimes my fears get the best of me. For example, yesterday I was called in to work to fill un for another worker who'd fallen ill due to stress.

When my shift supervisor called me, he passed on information on the night shift building security guard that he was of the opinion that the security company I work for was inferior to the company that he's worked for all his career.

Fearing having to meet up with him, I decided to drop off the key fob assigned to me by the day shift guard at the desk, unsecured and vulnerable to theft.

While meeting with the night shift guard, he said I should return the fob to him. When I indicated that I'd left it at the desk in an unsecured manner, he left to recover it.

Later on, he came down to ask if I had been in the stairwells since the sensors had alerted him to possible breaches in security. In response to his inquiry, I stated that I have never entered any of the stairwells that night. His reaction was to cuss under his breath, as he was expecting a curt "Yes Sir!" rather than what sounds like an excuse.

Overall though, despite being alerted of frequent friction with the night guard, I actually only saw him twice all night. Based on the gender of the worker I replaced early this morning from midnight to six, I suspect that he might have a hint of misogyny along with the associated egocentricity.

In my way of thinking, putting down another company to make the company you work for seem superior hints of a dysfunctional ego clinging to inferior and superior.

How unnecessary are comparisons!

Later on that night, while I was meditating, I made a point of placing both hands together to meditate on what I learned from the night guard.

Since my meditation is done for the benefit of all sentient beings, including myself, I am certain that the evil karma (misunderstanding instruction about the key fob) was burned off through Buddhist Recitation and meditation.

As you can see, the Buddhist practice of Buddha Remembrance and breath meditation are my two main forms of self-help which benefit not only me but all sentient beings.

However, I am not so vain as to believe Buddhism is superior to psychotherapy due to my "lone wolf" practice.

Chinese Pure Land Buddhist retreats will not help me as I am unable to sit zazen. However, I am sure that Google Plus actually has a wide spectrum of spiritually deep members.

In conclusion, this humble blogger (points to self) makes use of the Buddhist practice of book learning in addition to Buddha Recitation and breath meditation as self-help tools. For these tools help reduce anxiety and depression, but they uncover pure joy arising from the awakening of Bodhi Mind.

I am grateful to the Buddha for his Dharma, to Amida Buddha for the Pure Land where I will be reborn on death, and especially to Shinran Shonin for founding his True Pure Land Buddhism.

Thank you for reading this blog post!

Self-Disclosure as Therapy

Writing about my life is therapeutic.

In my family of origin, I was deemed the problem child.

At the root of it was the shame my mother experienced when it was learned I was born with two birth defects. Much of this shame was due to her mother-in-law and my father, despite the fact that his brother was born with epilepsy and died of it.

In reaction to being shamed, my mother developed anxiety about it and passed that onto me. I recall being shamed by her, too. Also, my father used to shame me, too.

I remember one incident of being told by my father to straighten out my arms, and being made to feel as though it was abnormal not to have my right arm be straight.

In reporting this, by exposing this hurt to light, it will be impossible to feel ashamed for being born less than perfect.

For I know it to be true that no one thinks of himself as being perfect, for we are all human and prone to error.

Yet there is still room for spiritual healing to help me recover from the childhood years of neglect and abuse, and especially to remain forgiving towards my parents.

Give Up on Yourself

"Give up on yourself. Begin taking action now, while being neurotic or imperfect, or a procrastinator or unhealthy or lazy or any other label by which you inaccurately describe yourself."

"Go ahead and be the best imperfect person you can be and get started on those things you want to accomplish before you die."

- Dr. Morita, psychiatrist

This is the most liberating of advice because it is realistic and doable.

It takes humility to see that this advice is realistic.

It takes responsibility for the self to make this advice doable.

For humility and self-responsibility are what frees me of my inaccurate description of myself.

Journal Entry: Wed 16 March, 2011

To make a long story short, I've had insomnia since before age 8.

To simplify most of the story, I am going attribute insomnia to post concussive syndrome.

Only for the past six years am I able to fully realize its cause: poor sleep hygiene.

When I was a child, my mother was always there for me to massage my back and let me drink warm milk. Now as I reflect on this, I realize that today, she's over 80, somewhat child-like, but still my mother.

So I can manage my sleep hygiene on my own.

What do I do when I can't sleep? Usually I just fall asleep or rest my body, but the past two nights I've been using a half tablet of Benedryl at bedtime.

Tonight, I plan to stop taking it because I want to return to meditation.

Tomorrow is my appointment with my psychotherapist, and I rather be outside for most of the day than at home. So I'll probably go to bed around 11 PM.

Since I am engaging in self-therapy (journal writing in both blogging and written form, Freedom Session and AA meetings), he's emphasized in the previous session that he's taking a life coach role in my therapy.

He said I've shown much progress when I get out of the house and do something with my time, even if it is just riding the buses, taking pictures of nature.

Possible Solutions to Cognitive Distortions

Usually when a person is negative about what another person has said or written, it says more about his unconscious negativity in his life.

In some rare cases, it may be indication of any number of cognitive distortions.

If so, here's what I managed to come up with as possible solutions to key cognitive distortions.

1) Things do not fit black and white categories. This is the fallacy of all or nothing thinking. Things might be both grey and colourful. The proof of this is the metaphor of a digital photograph, which is saturated with colours and tinged with shades of grey. Likewise, being human, I am not perfect and live within the limits of my imperfection. The solution here is found in pausing to reflect on the greyness of living in post-modern times.

2) A single negative event does not fit into any sort of pattern of defeat. This is a fallacy of over-generalization. For each event has both positive and negative qualities. Therefore, I need to focus on accepting the event as happening as it is.

3) The fallacy of the mental filter is that it distorts reality into being just the focus of one negative detail which is dwelt on until all of reality is darkened. What positive details I may have noticed are forgotten, but not for long. I may think of the positive details as they come into focus. Thus, reality is not dark nor is it just that one negative detail.

The truth is, reality is composed of neutral events and things to which each of us ascribes positive or negative qualities based on criteria according to a multitude of factors including our experiences, education, vocation, and so on.

4) Positive experiences are more important to my well-being than negative experiences. The fallacy of disqualifying the positive is that it rejects those positive experiences based on the flimsy criteria that "it does not count" or some other baseless claim. Everyday experience consistently demonstrates that positive experiences occur more often than negative ones, because that is the way the human mind works. It is how the universe works.

5) The fallacy of jumping to conclusions consists of the negative interpretation of events despite there being no definite facts which convincingly support the conclusion. One variety of jumping to conclusions is mind reading, where I may conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don't bother to check this out. The solution to this is to either check it out or to pro-actively drop all thought of the matter using meditation. The other variety of this fallacy is the fortune teller error, where I may anticipate that things will turn out badly, and feel that my prediction is an already-established fact. The solution to the fortune teller error is to not anticipate any kind of outcome at all, but to go with the flow i.e. life will bring to me great rewards when I go out into the world.

6) The fallacy of magnification (catastrophizing i.e. making a catastrophe of a thing) or minimization is the exaggeration of the importance of things (my mistakes or someone else's achievements) or "the binocular trick", the inappropriate shrinking of things (events, details) until they appear tiny (my own desirable qualities or the other person's imperfections). The solution to exaggeration of importance requires a lot more work i.e. everything is of equal importance, neither greater or lesser. My own desirable qualities is as important as the next person's. Other people's imperfections are usually of no consequence. Indeed, the fallacy of magnification requires meditation consisting of careful reflection on the matter in order to cut through the delusion of magnification, catastrophizing and minimization.
7) The fallacy of emotional reasoning is that I may assume my negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things are i.e. "I feel it, therefore it must be true." The solution here is to see that the way things are are equally devoid of my emotions, positive or negative. If I feel that the way things are as "bad", then that is not true. If I feel that the way things are "good", then that is not true either. My feelings do not make the way things are true or false. The fallacy of emotional reasoning is the fallacy of the false dilemma.

8) The fallacy of should statements consists of the use of "should" and "shouldn't", as if one had to be whipped and punished before being expected to do anything. "Must" and "ought" are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When I direct should statements towards others, I feel anger, frustration, and resentment. The solution to this fallacy is to mindfully let go of guilt, and have no expectations of self and others.

9) The fallacy of labelling and mislabelling is the extreme form of over-generalization. Rather than describing my error, I attach a negative label to myself. Rather than admitting I didn't visit my mother , I call myself a "bad son". When someone else's behaviour rubs me the wrong way, I attach a negative label to him: "He's weird". Mislabelling involves describing an event with language that is highly coloured and emotionally loaded. These labels may have context in the real world, but only within the dysfunctional context.

Such over-generalizations are inappropriate judgement calls which are not helpful in any situation since they tend to create more stress and suffering for each of us.

Thus the solution to labelling and mislabelling is to let go of any tendency to label and mislabel behaviour and people. In order to do so, I will cultivate, maintain and perpetuate a nonjudgmental attitude towards life.

What the Spiritual Life Means to Me

A spiritual life is neither an ascetic life nor is it a hedonistic life.

In brief, it consists of remembering your face before you were born (Buddha Nature).

This is why you meditate; this is also why meditation is the Buddhist way; and it is also why meditation became a part of most mindful practices used in psychotherapy.

If you cannot sit still for meditation, then there are lying meditations to do before sleep, and also walking meditations for the restless ones.

Client-Centred Therapy and Depression

In my case, I am certain that client-centred therapy plays a role in my recovery from depression, along with cues from the season.

Once I went to my first interview with the psychiatrist (shrink), I gave the 18 yr old diagnosis of borderline personality disorder whilst trying to present most of the sequelae of it.

In response I got the medication (meds) I wanted: mirtazapine.

After that, I decided to stabilize while recovering from shingles, which arose due to stress probably not related to mirtazapine.

After doing research on mirtazapine, the shrink realized with my help that I would be better letting my GP handle my meds after talking with the psychologist.

Currently, therapy is going well, and so's my life.

Yet the main reason is probably because it's summertime, tho it is because I acted to resolve family issues especially social rejection.

Recovery from mental illness does require a lot of work on the client.

What is helpful is not the medication roulette; it's being able to choose the medication and the course of therapy.

This would not have been possible 18 years ago.

The reason why I waited until now was because I felt after my initial years of therapy in the early 1980's, that I wasn't ready for talk therapy and mirtazapine was introduced in 1996.

I do not regret not going in for therapy earlier.

My only wish is that Remeron be more closely examined to be a safer anti-depressant for people whose moods are stabilized and are willing to be compliant with psychotherapy i.e. the older adult patients exhibiting depression without psychoses.

YMMV

For Mental Unrest, the Remedy is to "Know Thyself"

It has been said that most neuropharmaceutical drugs work by amplifying the placebo effect.

However, you can improve the placebo effect by choosing drugs and/or therapy and/or exercise to beat depression, provided you believe strongly in the power of the mind augmented by drugs, therapy or exercise will help you overcome mental unrest, specifically when expressed as anxiety and depression.

As for anxiety, all that one requires is the motivation and willingness to address a group of people in group therapy. Later, if one is willing, it is possible to abandon anxiety completely in a comedy club. Though, the preferred choice to resolve depression and anxiety would be daily exercise outside.

Sadly most morbidly anxious people tend towards social isolation which may lead to depression and attendant psychoses. However, most anxious people suffer needlessly.

Some of them have bought the propaganda that nothing works. They are so jaded about religion that they believe the myth that Buddhist meditation is primarily a religion and thus, is suspect.

Contrary to their suspicion about meditation, two of the new psychotherapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy and didactic behavioral therapy use mindfulness techniques, and even translate the basic teaching into language that is nonsectarian.

Thus the Four Noble Truths become:

1. Stress in Life causes mental unrest.
   
2. The cause of that mental unrest is an unhealthy ego i.e. clinging to a permanent self in a egoistic and selfish manner.
   
3. The solution is to detach oneself from such an idea through meditation.
   

Most new therapies basically teach one to control one's mind, of which most people are ignorant in regard to how it arises.

When applied to oneself, a book on basic psychology is useful to study, and one will learn to apply knowledge gained from reading it to study one's own mind.

Most anxiety and depression is due to the delusion that one's external environment is the cause of one's anxiety and depression.

The truth is, anxiety and depression is due to delusions one has chosen about oneself, and that contrary to one's assertion that the world is the cause of anxiety and depression, that each of us is both the cause of one's mental unrest and the solution to that unrest.

Hence, the adage, "Know thyself".

Why I Chose Medication

Earlier in 2010, I chose to use mirtazapine, not to cure depression, but to augment psychotherapy, and to use direct experience to validate my hypothesis about the neurophysiological cause of the disorder (Borderline Personality Disorder) I was originally diagnosed with i.e. mild Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI).

Psychotherapy lasted for a year.

My hypothesis is that the many mTBI I received from childhood into adulthood resulted in trauma which is the main cause of BPD. My use of mirtazapine is to treat the side effects of mTBI, of which depression is one of them.

I am also of the opinion that mirtazapine, as a strong sedative, also relieved me of the fear of heights, which demonstrates that phobias are in part a neurophysiological affect of mTBI in my case.

---

Originally posted: June 19, 2010 1847H
Update posted: March 4, 2013 1522H

Entheogenic Psychotherapy

Introduction: definition and origins

Before going into depth about entheogenic psychotherapy, I will define the root word of entheogenic, "entheogen", as being derived from the Latin: "en" means "within, inside"; "theo" is from "theos" or "God, the divine"; and "gen" is originally derived from Indo-European "gen-", "to give birth, beget - referring to procreation, the family and the tribe."

However, within the context of entheogenic psychotherapy, based on their original use as agents to talk to God and to reach a higher spiritual consciousness, the meaning is clear: entheogens help one reach a higher level of conscious, possibly moral development and to pass from a lower stage of moral development into a higher one.

Before the moralistic teetotaller seeks to condemn me for what amounts to pushing illegal drugs on psychiatric patients, I will point out that prior to the 19th century and the reforms made in regard to mental illness since then, along with the development of psychotropic pharmaceutical drug to relieve the symptoms of such illnesses, the attendant medical opinion that such illnesses are incurable, and, like legislated poverty, the establishment of legislated mental illness, mentally ill people who were originally highly esteemed as shamans and visionaries, are today relegated to the same status as the poor by citizens of the State who consider themselves to be normal.

Indeed, the mentally ill had an integral part in proto-historical communities as figurehead of pagan cults. In those unsophisticated days, the shaman would become possessed by spirits, often by ingesting entheogens. While under possession, they would help in diagnosing illness, find game, and predict where to hunt best.

Thus, entheogens were used to alter consciousness in the shaman so s/he could become a passive agent for a spiritual deity whose presence could effect a change in illness, access information based on life experience whose content would not normally be relied upon by the tribe, and bring spiritual meaning to the lives of her/his tribe.

It wasn't until the establishment of the Church in the 4th century CE that the mentally ill were demonized as agents of Satan, when in actual fact, their bizarre behavior may be due to disease, injury, or malnutrition.

After 1500 years of marginalization, human civilization degraded to the point where the mentally ill were treated as though they were subhuman.

Proposal of the Term Entheogenic Psychotherapy Based on Interest by Neurologists and Psychiatrists

According to the New York Times ("Scientists Test Hallucinogens for Mental Ills", Tue, 13 Mar 2001), correspondent Sandra Blakeslee wrote that:

"Hallucinogenic drugs like LSD and peyote - derided as toys of the hippie generation - are
increasingly drawing the interest of neurologists and psychiatrists who want to test the
idea that they may be valuable tools in treating a range of mental disorders.

"Although there are anecdotal reports that psychedelic drugs can help some people with mental illness, the idea has never been substantiated by mainstream psychiatry and remains highly controversial -- some would say outlandish.

"And even the researchers involved in the new work are not suggesting that people start medicating themselves with hallucinogens..."

If you substitute "entheogen" for "hallucinogen", then psychotherapy that substitutes often dangerous psychoactive pharmaceutical drugs with entheogens may augment, or replace when necessary, faiths, philosophies and religions that provide relief from boredom, pain, and stresses of modern life.

If this therapy made exclusive use of entheogens, then I would call this kind of psychotherapy entheogenic.

However, just as orthomolecular therapy is considered by orthodox medical doctors and associations as quackery, it is possible that without a change in the public's awareness of the safety issues involved with entheogens, entheogenic psychotherapy will not go beyond what I will try to expound in this article.

Get Back... to the Psychedelic Era: Recreational Use Versus Sacred Use

It should be noted that quite possibly, the neurologists and psychiatrists quoted in Blakeslee's article may have grown up in the Psychedelic era (1969-1979), after the Beatles blew the minds of Americans through John Lennon's flip remark that they're "just as popular as Jesus."

It is ironic that the same era saw the disintegration of major rock bands and the tragedy of rock stars fighting substance abuse from Jerry Lee Lewis' battle with the bottle and other illegal drugs, Janis Joplin's death due to heroin overdose, John and Yoko's week-long drug binges, Paul McCartney's bust for marijuana in Japan, Ringo Starr's ill-advised Hollywood days, the Who losing band members due to drug overdoses, and other musical legends like Elvis dying from an aneurysm due top being constipated from pharmaceutical drug abuse.

Obviously, such celebrities, treated like new gods, are as human as their adoring fans, many of whom also may suffer from lack of self-esteem and quite possibly, a mild to incapacitating inability to handle stress well in their mundane lives.

Celebrity Excesses, Recreational Abuse

Likewise, the typical celebrity, once a nobody, may undergo plenty of stress from the pressures attendant to success. As a result of such stress, it is possible that family issues that were never properly resolved with closure may come back to haunt them. They may choose alcoholic beverages on the mistaken belief that the intoxication helps them to decompress from stress, and thus begin the spiral into substance abuse, buoyed by the delusion that "everybody does it."

When any drug abused, and used with the intent to make oneself happy and to please others, it's like looking for the Buddha in a temple in Dharamsala rather than seeing God in the beauty in the world as the result of self-reflection. Even if the intent of drug use is as simplistic as "having fun" or "a night out with the girls", then its potential for abuse is present.

For what happens when life is no longer fun? Does one drink more? And, does one go on to try another drug at a party because, so far, no one has died or "freaked out?"

I am not saying all of this to rant about substance abuse, but to demonstrate that the abuse of controlled substances, namely illegal drugs, is a maladaptive way of coping with stress and the attendant loss of self-esteem.

Usually, the user has exhibited maladaptive behavior prior to drug use and his/her behavior has either attracted her/him (to) "the wrong crowd." In the end, substance abuse becomes a daily ritual done alone by a lonely person lost in his/her world, a delusion of her/his own making, made of choices that will never guarantee any long-lasting success based on the depth of his/her happiness.

Country and Rock Music: Recreational Use Figures Prominently

Just as Elvis is an example of such a person, so too is Elvis' early life an example of the kind of upbringing that would lead to such a tragic end. For the King of Rock and Roll loved his mother dearly, and missed his other half as dearly, the twin that died at his birth. One could imagine what it was like growing up wondering what might have happened if one's twin lived and one was dead. Being from a multiracial family, humbled by poverty, may have also played a minor role in Elvis Aaron Priesley's life. However, the largest influence on his life was his mother as nurturer and reflection of his self-image growing up around Memphis, Tennessee - the Deep South, home of country music, and jazz and its brother, blues.

It is interesting that, since its popularization in the 1920s, country music tends to create a world of broken hearts and broken homes in its lyrics, the bitter-sweetness that may drive the foolish to a lifetime battle with "booze." In contrast, jazz was hated by the director of the Narcotics Control Bureau (now Drug Enforcement Agency) who demonized marijuana, Mr. Anslinger.

Elvis' choice of combining elements from blues with antics that rivaled Jerry Lee Lewis' certainly legitimized rock music since he represented the status quo where alcoholic beverages, tobacco and firearms were considered necessary to "the pursuit of happiness" and "the right to bear arms" as protected by the First Amendment.

Punk, Grunge and Today's New Music Fueled by Recreational Drug Abuse

In contrast, the woman who became Wendy O Williams, of the Plasmatics, grew up on the East Coast and while she certainly exercised her First Amendment right to free speech, she did so to shock her audience's parents. A mother of all American punk bands to come, Wendy had also starred in pornography as part of being a performance artist.

Punk music is anti-music in the sense that the artist does not sing so much as scream, and the musical instrument is a tool of subverting the mind through a full-frontal assault of the ear. This should explain why Wendy once sported a Mohawk haircut and often performed with her breasts exposed by ripping out holes in her black T-shirt with electrician's tape obscuring her nipples. Often she paraded around topless on stage, tape still in place with the lights shining hotly on her as she stood there screaming profanities into the microphone while sweating profusely. At one concert that I saw on TV, she took a chainsaw and sawed a television in half, an anti-consumerist act that probably scared a lot of TV executives when they got wind of it.

Courtney Love of Hole is another performance artist who went from stripper at the Number Five Orange in Vancouver to rock musician. She hooked up with grunge rock musician Kurt Cobain of the now-defunct band Nirvana and began a love-hate relationship that ended with Kurt's brains splattered on a wall in their bedroom in the suburbs of Seattle. At the time, Courtney was on tour with her band, which was getting rave reviews while Nirvana's fame was overshadowed by often violent antics on the stage. Sometimes fights would break out between band members onstage, with Cobain aggravating retaliatory assaults from them. At a recent girls only festival put on by Sarah McLachlan's company in Vancouver, Courtney Love punched out a rival girl band member for critiquing her performance.

My purpose for relating all this dysfunctional behavior exhibited by rock music celebrities is to demonstrate how even celebrities (the new gods of consumer culture) sometimes may become psychologically unstable pursuing game as they risk death by using recreational drugs. Their success often leads to risk-taking behavior that could expose them to cancer, heart attacks, strokes and even death.

You would think that for the amount of money rock musicians could make today at a five thousand person concert at $50 a head, 104 cities a year for a total of $26,000,000 gross that they would have a street-smart manager to keep them on the straight and narrow away from the gritty underbelly of society.

Guess again!

Few rock musicians and performance artists have resisted the temptation to drown their sorrows in booze, only to freebase or light up, toke up, toot up, or what have you, often blowing ten grand in a day to escape the boredom and chase away the ghosts of their misspent youths.

Thus, regarding recreational use of drugs, the user's aim is to "get high", usually as quickly and as often as possible. What usually begins as a tradition of like-minded people communing, and "having fun", soon degenerates into wild parties.

Sacred Use of Drugs: the Key to Entheogenic Psychotherapy

On the other hand, the sacred use of entheogens requires a less hedonistic game plan with a greater emphasis on social responsibility for the participant. The following entheogenic ethical code of conduct carefully outlines such responsibilities:

Individual Code of Conduct for Primary Religious Practices

* DRAFT *

When I engage in spiritual practices designed to bring about profound changes in
consciousness, I will consider my intentions and will choose carefully the occasion
and location for the practice.

I will be well informed about the mental and physical effects, anticipate reasonably
foreseeable risks to myself and others, and employ safeguards to minimize these risks.

Safeguards may include:

Ensuring that my setting is reasonably free of hazards.

Ensuring that I will not operate automobiles or other potentially dangerous machinery.

Taking myself `off duty' from responsibilities.

Arranging for someone to be `on duty' (a `guide' or `sitter') to keep the session safe
and respond appropriately to any exigencies that might arise.

(from http://www.erowid.org/entheogens/entheogens_ethics.shtml)

Any user of entheogens who ignores the spirit contained in this code of conduct is not a serious practitioner. Consequently, recreational use that violates the spirit of this code should be discouraged since its aftermath in the community may be linked to the breakup of the family and the stresses that places on the community itself. Thus, having read the above code of conduct, practitioners are encouraged to incorporate its spirit into their entheogenic activities along with any positive results from such sacred activity.

Of course, the code of conduct for primary religious practices implies by its very nature that recreational drug use be considered a religious activity, despite its secular component and its implicit denial that recreational use is indeed religious. One should not assume that religion is a bad thing, save in excess particularly of the fundamentalism that leads to intolerance and prejudice. However, the code of conduct previously mentioned is necessary to promote a responsible state of mind that balances the hedonism inherent in recreational drug use.

For when one uses drugs for religious practices, the profound changes in consciousness are apt to likewise profoundly transform one's religious life, perhaps one's whole life. Knowing that the set and setting greatly influence by the outcome of a mystical and spiritual trip aided by entheogens, one should prepare the setting so no danger presents itself during such a journey.

Likewise, the consensual use of entheogens in group ritual practice in a religious setting requires the participants to be ever conscious of their obligations to each other. Thus, entheogens can augment a religious experience for the benefit of all people within the religious group.

The Religious Context

Although religion has been superseded by a secular humanism where consumerism is endorsed by commercial media and corporate giants, all catering to the needs of free-market capitalism and endemic globalism with all the suffering that such a crazy lifestyle brings into our lives, it has greater value than what money can buy.

Humanity is not yet so dehumanized that it cannot instinctively feel an echo of spirituality. Given the wide variety of faiths and religions, some very popular and fewer still that are nameless yet deeply spiritual, one is free in most Western nations to worship as one pleases. Even in countries where freedom of worship is severely limited, the people still find religion to be a comfort from abject poverty.

Out in the desert of southwest America and in north-central Mexico, the peyote culture thrives, both within the new Native American Church tradition as rehabilitation from alcoholism and within the web of shamanism in Mexico. Meanwhile, the ayuhuasca culture of Brazil has also reached the shores of America, only to be restricted in use, not so much due to the risk of abuse as due to the militancy of a few of its members. Despite all of this, entheogens have an important part to play in invigorating religious worship.

It has been suspected that entheogens played an important part in ancient religious worship, but became banned by the Catholic Church, in order to keep power within church hierarchy. If each person was responsible for her individual rapport with Jesus, and could immediately worship God, developing an individual oneness with Him, then the Church could not control how the spiritual insights developed during entheogenic rituals. Thus, entheogens stopped being religious sacrament, as various religions cautioned against intoxicating drugs and the abuse of alcohol, tobacco, and even coffee!

Cannabis too, was demonized - at first to consolidate religious power and then later corporate power. In today's post-modern world, the corporate power of the Church has been transferred to multinational corporations. Yet the control over so-called "dangerous" drugs continues. This is also seen in the way the drug industry gets their petrochemical-based pharmaceuticals into market, while natural herbs and alternative therapies are ignored in medical literature. Though, the antipathy towards alternative therapies is now decreasing.

While medical marijuana is being dispensed in Canada, it is subject to restrictions. In contrast, the entheogenic use of marijuana is discouraged with the legal community not distinguishing between religious and recreational use. Indeed, they cannot make any discrimination at all between them, due to the drugs laws in Canada regarding marijuana. The law courts will throw out any challenges to the Canadian Charter of Right and Freedoms that attempt to define the entheogenic use of marijuana, despite the right to freedom of religion.

Thus, the State has control over just what is religious practice, and restricts religious practice to rituals that do not involve entheogens. It is quite possible that there is an overwhelming fear that entheogenic use, by cutting out a human intercessor such as a priest to communicate with God, will place control over religious practice in the hands of the people. A people-centred religious practice that encourages the use of entheogens is a threat to people in control of many religions today because they are not in control of that process. It could lead to less money into the church coffers, and more money into the illegal network of marijuana cultivation, a network that was forced underground by draconian drug laws which are destroying a culture.

The Japanese Way

Out of all the Asians, I feel that Japanese wouldn't do getting psychotherapy from a non-Japanese who doesn't understand the culture.

IMHO it would worsen whatever is bothering the person. It's also a form of colonization, since psychiatry is a European form of social control.

In short, an Asian would become assimilated with all the risks that brings.

In Asia, psychiatry is just a form of social control. In Japan, the average stay in a mental institution is about 407 days. Outpatient service is usually with a psychiatrist and if he finds you are worse for wear, then it's not talk therapy. He will give you a shot of a typical antipsychotic, which will have nasty side effects, all the ones the typical Asian will get, guaranteed.

However, the psychiatrist profession in Japan denies the existence of schizophrenia. In their eyes it is an invention of Americans since American manufactures most of the older antipsychotics.

Japan's answer was to have Otsuka Pharma make Abilify, which is an antypical antipsychotic that appears to relieve most of the psychosis without the side effects. However, therapy with Abilify is expensive. The drug costs about $100-150 a month.

In Canada, your GP and pdoc have to justify its use because other drugs do not work. This means your Pharmacare file has to have a history of prescribing you antipsychotics before you even get Abilify. Some patients don't get lucky, and their lives have been ruined by thorazine. Other patients get seroquel, sleep all the time, and have diabetes.

Otsuka is the same company that makes Pokari Sweat and Calpis. Pokari is the earliest energy drink. Calpis is a flavoured yoghurt drink. Despite my lactose intolerance, I had no problems with it -- though my lactose intolerance is hit or miss. Last night, I had a clam chowder with no side effects. Maybe the wasabi pills are working.

Having told you about psychiatry and its effects on the Japanese, let me get to the meat of today's entry.

It is the Japanese way for the woman to rule the roost because Japanese men are no help in raising kids. So even when they marry white boys, the average Japanese woman will pick a man most like her dad, who is usually not the ruler of the nest at all. YMMV

Anyone who knows the Japanese, whether by birth or by marriage, will confirm this truth. If your family isn't like this, then you're either lying to yourself or you actually were born into or married into a good family. Treasure them, cos other families are run by the mother.

I think it's safe to say that's why the mental health system won't give me therapy. They know the Japanese are generally non-compliant and do not respond well to the big horse pills they tend to give us. We do not need over 300 mg of seroquel. 25-75 mg is enough. And why give us that when 50 mg of Gravol is fine?? Forget benzodiazepines; we get easily hooked on them. As for antidepressants, we need a walking buddy. Exercise is the only cure, along with getting out everyday, rain or shine.

As well, the one best therapy for the typical is Karaoke & sake. I don't mean getting drunk and singing Rollin' Stones tunes. What I mean is going yuppontoi and belting out enka classics. These are classical drinking songs similar to blues. None of those incomprehensible JPOP tunes. This is the real Japanese experience.

Yes, for the average Japanese-American (and Japanese-Canadian), the best therapy is to go back to your roots. Why? Cos that's the Japanese way. We were descended from the gods, you know. This is why Americanization is so hard on us, and our elders are dying off from suicide.

However, while you are out there finding your roots, avoid thinking about how you grew up. Wake up from that nightmare, even if you have to learn to meditate and jiu-jitsu. It may even help to become Buddhist, even if it is Jodo Shinshu. But never ever mention family life. Lie about it. Present the positive, hide the negative. Praise your mother!!

For that is the Japanese way.

Psychotherapy is not for the weak or "crazy"

A lot of people make the mistake of thinking that going to therapy is a sign of weakness. Nothing could be further from the truth. Learning what the real reasons for repeating destructive patterns, acknowledging fears that you might have kept “safely” hidden from yourself in your unconscious, where they could control and limit you, is not easy. Ultimately, understanding that you can create much of your life takes guts not cowardice.

Another common misconception about psychotherapy is that it is for “crazy” people. This is just not true. Anybody can get stuck using coping mechanisms that might have been very effective at some point in their pasts, but are no longer adaptive or effective. Since a person is on “auto-pilot” she or he doesn’t even realize that these limiting patterns are being repeated.

Getting one’s unconscious out of the driver’s seat is the key to putting a stop to crashing into the same brick walls over and over again. These hidden patterns may make it difficult to have rewarding intimate relationships, sustain physical health, cope with rejection (not that that is ever fun), have a satisfying career or even be able to identify one’s true feelings. These patterns often are not obvious and they limit a person’s ability to live a creative authentic life.

Since even the celebrities have consulted therapists, the labels of "weak" and "crazy" are merely projections of fear about our myths about madness. They are the tools of the "psychosiphobic", people finding themselves to be sane yet still fearful of mental health consumers.

It is in one's best interest to consult a therapist to transform one's life, rather than to remain locked in the "madhouse" of dysfunctional existence.

And you shall know it by how much dust is under your bed, and by how often you bathe.