It's Been Awhile (satire)

To all my fans/followers:

My excuse for not regularly posting articles on my blog is this: I have been obsessed with work, mainly because my new boots allow for walking for 5.5 and 6 hours.

It is possible that I've almost walked a thousand miles. Hence my need for prescription medications such as gabapentin (relieves neuropathic pain), flexeril (relaxes the muscles in my shoulder, and recently bupropion (Zyban is said to cure cigarette smoking).

Even the Zyban had the wonderful side effect of causing me to not indulge in bad habits — mainly paying more attention to my technology than to my surroundings.

Within 15 minutes playing attention to my technology, I feel the the signs of a relapse but alcohol or drugs is not my vice. Instead, I madly type on my keyboard and create articles like this one.

Look, I have cut out coffee and tea, alcohol, masturbation, and smoking. Instead of sinning quietly, I catch myself reading the Gospel Library app. Though a few people are not clued in that when I pulled out my smart-phone or tablet, I am not about to surf to porn websites. Instead, I am searching for a quote by Joseph Smith, but came up with this quote from the New Testament:

Little children, let no man deceive you.
He who does rigorousness is righteous,
even as he is righteous. — 1 John 3:7

To masturbate or watch porn or indulge in adultery and prostitution, or commit homosexual acts, is condemned by John when he wrote:

He who commits sin is of the devil,
for the devil sinned from the beginning.
For this purpose the Son of God was manifested,
that he might destroy the works of the devil. — 1 John 3:8

By praying to the Lord and beseeching Jesus Christ instead of indulging in booze, cigarettes, wine, soft and hard drugs, adultery, masturbation, prostitution, coffee and tea, and homosexual acts, I shall eventually be rid of the evil that these things do to me that even comes to affect my family and friends.

Oh dear! I have become no fun anymore to the all sorts of decadent hedonists, those salt of the earth who party and stay up late at night.

All it takes is confessing your sin to someone trustworthy like a bishop, a priest, a reverend, a rabbi, a shaman or even a trusted friend, and earnestly repent. The worst that could happen to you is not taking sacrament next Sunday. In due time, by following the doctrines of your faith, you will discover that worldliness is only fun for the worldly.

Once we are baptized, the best way to renew our covenant with God is to faithfully attend sacrament meetings on Sunday, the Lord's Day. For the baptized are born of God after being dipped in the baptism fount.

Whosoever is born of God does not commit sin, for his seed remains in him and he cannot sin, because he is born of God.

For it is better to be a child of God, born of God, than to be a child of the devil. When you practice righteousness, you are of God, and so too are they who love their brothers and sisters.

For this is the message that you heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. — I John 3:9-11

Yet the habits that you used to love, you come to detest them, not being satisfied with what you do to get relief. That love is a false love because the more you indulge yourself with a bad habit, the more you are socially isolated from the world.

For desire when indulged leaves a bitter-sweet taste in your mouth; but your love is false because desire is more likely to lead to sin when indulged. As for love, it is best to remove all conditions associated with it so that we may love unconditionally.

So, I have been praying about and meditating upon my life, only to see that Joseph Smith's words are true: each of us are free agents who can choose to do good or to do evil.

Indeed, in the heat of passion, I once blamed others for my trespasses, but no more.

Instead I enjoy giving sacrament to members who, because of illness, cannot attend church. It is also why I enjoy participating in discussions during the Elders Quorum meeting most of all.

Now that I have confessed my sin of avoiding responsibility for my actions, I shall repent and try to be the quiet silence in the aftermath of a storm.


Thanks for reading this blog entry. Please take care of yourselves lest you entertain the devil unaware. ;)

Mental Health begins by looking at mental illness in a new light

It starts with My Mental Health, which helps one see clearly the folly of not closely examining misconceptions about mental illness.

Forget the movies: they're not accurate in depicting anything but sometimes overdramatize mental illness without stopping to breathe life into a person who suffers.

Though there are films in recent times which depict people suffering from such illnesses, they don't usually deal with reality honestly.

Though Wikipedia provides a list of movies with a psychiatric illness as a theme, it would take much time to view these movies objectively and develop a respect for people suffering a mental illness.

So in essence, all pop culture does is pick a mental illness, use its worst aspects to dramatize a convincing portrayal of a mental health client, and then let the viewer figure out if they can spot a person suffering from a mental health issue.

FWIW that's a pretty shabby way to treat mental illness and people who suffer from it.

Anyway, I am going to examine My Mental Health with a calm and respectful look.

People suffer mental health issues, often with a lot of support and loving care.

Yet it is not a big deal, and shouldn't be.

A Worthy Struggle for Life as It is (poem)

Sometimes I make the mistake in
trying to live life as it should be,
only to realize the misery
that causes me and the people
who matter most in my life.
Sometimes it gets me down.

It's not others who get me down
as much as I get myself
stuck in the chains of my undoing.
Be it habit of mind or tendencies,
my behavior is in my hands,
though sometimes I regress.

Yet I can bounce right back
when the heartache has gone away -
all it takes is the willingness
to accept what cannot be changed
with a peaceful heart and clear mind,
and gracefully carry on.

Bravely do I carry on, accepting
what I am responsible for.
Living day by day helps me
to keep focused on the task:
to live my life as I see fit -
a worthy struggle for life as it is.

Give Up on Yourself

"Give up on yourself. Begin taking action now, while being neurotic or imperfect, or a procrastinator or unhealthy or lazy or any other label by which you inaccurately describe yourself."

"Go ahead and be the best imperfect person you can be and get started on those things you want to accomplish before you die."

- Dr. Morita, psychiatrist

This is the most liberating of advice because it is realistic and doable.

It takes humility to see that this advice is realistic.

It takes responsibility for the self to make this advice doable.

For humility and self-responsibility are what frees me of my inaccurate description of myself.

Rethinking social networking & social isolation

Online social networking barely meets the challenges of social isolation - mainly because no matter how long I have been in contact with a person online, if I am socially isolated, then the risks of social networking include trust (who do I trust?) and self-disclosure.

Usually the rule-of-thumb here is to trust only persons you know in real life. For a socially isolated person such as I, the number of people I know who I trust in real life is at minimum of 6 or less people.

Given that most of the friends on your online social network (internet messengers such as MSN Messenger and Yahoo Chat) are strangers who you will never meet, the best practice is to keep your self-disclosures to a minimum with them and thus follow a "don't ask, don't tell" rule i.e. unless a person asks, you don't disclose personal information.

Personal information includes any information which identifies me such as first name, last name, address, phone number, date of birth, bank account number, etc.

Likewise, I make it a rule not to disclose my personal information unless I totally trust that person. If anyone asks, and I don't trust them, then I reserve the right to not disclose such information.

If you do give a deeper self-disclosure online, then the rule is to be pro-active if and when other strangers online who don't know you that well try to use that information to bully, harass, insult and intimidate you. This includes avoidance of revenge even when the insults lead you to focus on the negative rather than the positive.

Rather than revenge, the proper response is silence. Since that person does not know you and is trying harass you, by not responding, you do not look like someone who is reacting to what he or she divulges about you. Nothing stops an internet bully like silence.

Ultimately I am responsible for the amount of self-disclosure I make online.

Returning to online social networking, social isolation may lead to embarrassing side effects, such as being too forward in online social networking services. The counteraction to this forwardness is to limit my use of social network services.

In my case, I have found that most of my embarrassing moments in social networking services has occurred when I am extremely fatigued i.e. the result of inadequate rest. It is remedied by going to sleep at or around midnight rather than 3 AM.

Getting Past the Myth of a Good Buddhist

December 31, 2005: I vaguely recall when I worked last. Over two days I talked to over 20 people, for a brief time, but it was work-related.

...I like work, but these anxiety attacks due to mild traumatic brain injury (MTBI) mitigate the stress of having to deal with people who push past me worsens the partial complex seizures.

Perhaps the psychiatric affect of having to adapt to seizures leads to the disorder. It takes time to focus and not go about my day in a daze.

I even may be beset by anxiety, or a delusion, or even tics in the muscles around my right or left eye, or the fuzzy feeling when I know I've talked out of turn in front of my roommate.

This time my mental discipline is such that I can control my mind: this fatigue will not result in emotional turmoil, or guilt, or backbiting or even the habit of self-blame and shame.

I shall be the Good Buddhist.

Even though I may have anxiety attacks, and sometimes go into my own little world temporarily under stress, I feel that little by little, more and more, I am able to both speak the truth and transcend my disability by being quiet yet direct when need be.

That's one of the ways of being a good Buddhist is about: to be quiet yet direct when called upon.

As a Buddhist I also must persevere in adversity.

Adversity is usually the emotional reaction to conflict in relationships.

There's always miscommunication in relationships — until we talk with each other, practising deep listening, and transcend the initial "talking-to", it's a given.

Yet it makes sense to practise deep listening always.

What is deep listening? It's when I stop listening with my ears and thinking with my head, which tries to stay one step ahead of my friends, and start listening with compassion for the person speaking to me.

This is known literally as "listening attentively" and is figuratively called "listening with my heart".

When I listen with my heart, deep listening is the result.

Instead of a quick response to what a friend has told me, when I think I may have misunderstood I listen and ask for clarification.

Later when the circumstances call for it, I may give feedback to the friend which shows a lot of constructive thinking I have done about what he or she has told me.

Feedback occurs when the friend has made it clear in the conversation that he or she values my careful, deliberate yet thoughtful response.

Thus, goodness with respect to being a Buddhist can be defined as being caring and kind, gentle, sensitive to other people's needs yet knowing one's own limits.

In the Serenity Prayer, I know of the concept of limits: serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Limits imply being human, prone to error. This is why the prayer begins with "God grant me", which implies the limits of human action.

"Yes, but you are a Buddhist. What's up with a commentary on the Serenity Prayer?"

As a Buddhist, I am aware that human limitations are a given. So I am using the Prayer as an example of how to accept the human condition as-is, to relieve the suffering that arises.

However, I know that it is the direct action of meditation which grants me serenity.

As a result of a calm and sober mindset, I am able to practise acceptance of things I cannot change: for example, the emotional and physical scars of illness or injury.

In accepting those scars, I am able to develop strategies which encourage me to change the things I can: how I treat those scars i.e. to heal them through patience and the growing ability to forgive and forget wrongs.

Indeed, Buddha Remembrance through recitation of the Nembutsu aids in peace of mind, adaptation (changing the things I can), and wisdom (to know the difference).

For the discriminating mind is wise when moderated by love.

I find no use in trying to stay one step ahead of other people.

My plan is to get to the point where I am in synch with people.

Update:
March 5, 2013: In the past seven years, I have matured to the point where nothing truly bothers me. It becomes easy to adapt to change, and the fears which brought out anxiety are less frequent.

Even when things go wrong, they don't stay that way for long. I've returned to my Buddhist roots, meditate daily, practice breathe meditation occasionally, and Buddha Recitation. Nothing truly bothers me.

A Buddhist is a sentient being, and consequently, the "good Buddhist" is the ideal. For nobody's perfect.

However, my imperfections are many yet I aim for acting nonjudgmental towards all sentient being, acting conscientious in all my affairs and being diligent both at work and at home.

---

Originally posted: December 31, 205 1807H
Update posted: March 5, 2013 1118H

Universal Responsibility

Adopting an attitude of universal responsibility is essentially a personal matter. The real test of compassion is not what we say in abstract discussions but how we conduct ourselves in daily life.

-His Holiness the Dalai Lama, "Imagine All the People"

Just talking about harmlessness isn't enough.

When spiritual practice (meditation) does not lead to reciprical compassion from others, a person's conduct should still be to practise harmlessness.

To feel guilty for past wrongs is not enough - one must strive to learn from one's mistakes.

Even in the Dhammapada it is written to not cling to regrets and worries.

Dhammapada 67-68:

It's not good,
the doing of the deed
that, once it's done,
you regret,
whose result you reap crying,
your face in tears.

It's good,
the doing of the deed
that, once it's done,
you don't regret,
whose result you reap gratified,
happy at heart.


As well, the cure for regrets about wrongs done is simply letting go:

348:

Gone to the beyond of becoming,
you let go of in front,
let go of behind,
let go of between.
With a heart everywhere let-go,
you don't come again to birth
& aging.


Thus what the Dalai Lama says about the real test of compassion is ... how we conduct ourselves in daily life.