That keeps you awake
All night until sleep arrives
Like a thief at night —
Suddenly you awaken...
Showing posts with label regret. Show all posts
Showing posts with label regret. Show all posts
20140917
Regret (poem)
That keeps you awake
All night until sleep arrives
Like a thief at night —
Suddenly you awaken...
20140912
Hello Insomnia My Old Friend (satire)
Hello Insomnia, my old friend. It's nice from beginning to end, to go shopping until I run short of money again and again. Afterward, I count all my purchases up only to find myself with less than fifty bucks in my bank account.
For I have survived insomnia over Wednesday into Thursday after Monday-Tuesday.
Earlier today I remember getting on the bus and traveling by Skytrain to Vancouver, snapping picture discretely.
After depositing my cheque in my account, I headed into downtown Vancouver finally to find myself talking to a lot of cellphone providers' sales staffs' ears off about my Nexus 4. It's stuck in reboot hell where it still works but likes to reboot when I am about to send a post to GooglePlus, or it will reboot after I take too many pictures with the camera app. Additionally, the wireless module in the phone is not properly heat sinked so that using wireless while charging it overheats it, be it by wall charger or wireless charger.
By late afternoon, I was tempted to smoke and had one cigarette. The nicotine buzz only last 10 minutes. Later, I gave away my $1 lighter to a homeless man after handing him a tooney. It felt great, him thanking me.
On reflection, it was due to having my impulse buying frustrated by realizing that I couldn't buy a Sony sports video camera for $99. No biggie now, but out of frustration, I convinced myself that having just one cigarette was safe.
Tomorrow, when I have had a long sleep, that craving will be gone once again. If I was truly addicted, then I would have obsessed about that cigarette for hours before.
Since I have to work Saturday there is NO way I am going to lose sleep Friday night. This is no good, for if I keep this up, I could end up without a job and that is not good. The good news is, I have padded all my bills to cover for these five days of insomnia.
So it is back to a regular sleep schedule once again, which is only achievable by calling it a night by 12 AM.
For I have survived insomnia over Wednesday into Thursday after Monday-Tuesday.
Earlier today I remember getting on the bus and traveling by Skytrain to Vancouver, snapping picture discretely.
After depositing my cheque in my account, I headed into downtown Vancouver finally to find myself talking to a lot of cellphone providers' sales staffs' ears off about my Nexus 4. It's stuck in reboot hell where it still works but likes to reboot when I am about to send a post to GooglePlus, or it will reboot after I take too many pictures with the camera app. Additionally, the wireless module in the phone is not properly heat sinked so that using wireless while charging it overheats it, be it by wall charger or wireless charger.
By late afternoon, I was tempted to smoke and had one cigarette. The nicotine buzz only last 10 minutes. Later, I gave away my $1 lighter to a homeless man after handing him a tooney. It felt great, him thanking me.
On reflection, it was due to having my impulse buying frustrated by realizing that I couldn't buy a Sony sports video camera for $99. No biggie now, but out of frustration, I convinced myself that having just one cigarette was safe.
Tomorrow, when I have had a long sleep, that craving will be gone once again. If I was truly addicted, then I would have obsessed about that cigarette for hours before.
Since I have to work Saturday there is NO way I am going to lose sleep Friday night. This is no good, for if I keep this up, I could end up without a job and that is not good. The good news is, I have padded all my bills to cover for these five days of insomnia.
So it is back to a regular sleep schedule once again, which is only achievable by calling it a night by 12 AM.
20140721
Regret (satire)
When stress leads me to say things I later regret, mental fatigue leads me to that mental state.
So I will endeavor to speak wholesomely for the betterment of myself and other people.
For I am thankful that my errors are clear to me, and the solution is so simple for all to see: to hold my tongue rather than speaking,
unless I am asked to provide instruction or to explain in honesty my personal opinion in brevity.
In retrospect, sometimes I say things I regret. The only person I should be apologizing is to myself for denying responsibility for my words.
Indeed, at all times it is wise to closely guard my words. It is obvious that I have broken the Buddhist precept about lying. However, I am harming myself by subjecting myself to the hellish qualities of regret due to misuse of guilt.
In order not to make it worse, I will not provide the details of what I had said over the past week since things have worked out for the best.
So I will endeavor to speak wholesomely for the betterment of myself and other people.
For I am thankful that my errors are clear to me, and the solution is so simple for all to see: to hold my tongue rather than speaking,
unless I am asked to provide instruction or to explain in honesty my personal opinion in brevity.
In retrospect, sometimes I say things I regret. The only person I should be apologizing is to myself for denying responsibility for my words.
Indeed, at all times it is wise to closely guard my words. It is obvious that I have broken the Buddhist precept about lying. However, I am harming myself by subjecting myself to the hellish qualities of regret due to misuse of guilt.
In order not to make it worse, I will not provide the details of what I had said over the past week since things have worked out for the best.
20110724
Affirmation on Life (poem)
Whatever happens in life,
I hold onto the positive aspect
and accept the negative as
inspiration to learn from
my mistakes without regret.
Indeed, I live for the moment
when what I have learned
helps me to see clearly
the path to life as-is.
What helps me the most
is careful meditation
on those mistakes
which results in change.
I hold onto the positive aspect
and accept the negative as
inspiration to learn from
my mistakes without regret.
Indeed, I live for the moment
when what I have learned
helps me to see clearly
the path to life as-is.
What helps me the most
is careful meditation
on those mistakes
which results in change.
20110109
Repentance (Poem)
Repentance bears fruits both sour and sweet:
Sweet redemption ferments one
Who gives vain promises to God again,
While vict'ry turns sour.
If he who errs tries again,
The marks he's made might cause him pain
With goals set higher than his aim.
When he attains each goal within his reach,
A lesson he has learned:
Keep one's aim within one's reach.
Within one's reach is one's sacred heart;
Close to one's heart, the precious soul.
Touched by God, this spark has lit anew
Forgiveness so divine.
When she succeeds in her life
By learning much from each failure,
Her goals may be set much higher
Until she makes the mark with great success.
Having learned her lesson,
With modesty shall she thus confess:
"All the sins that lead one to regret
Bring that soul to repentance,
Until, once again pardoned by Him,
One comes closer to God."
Sweet redemption ferments one
Who gives vain promises to God again,
While vict'ry turns sour.
If he who errs tries again,
The marks he's made might cause him pain
With goals set higher than his aim.
When he attains each goal within his reach,
A lesson he has learned:
Keep one's aim within one's reach.
Within one's reach is one's sacred heart;
Close to one's heart, the precious soul.
Touched by God, this spark has lit anew
Forgiveness so divine.
When she succeeds in her life
By learning much from each failure,
Her goals may be set much higher
Until she makes the mark with great success.
Having learned her lesson,
With modesty shall she thus confess:
"All the sins that lead one to regret
Bring that soul to repentance,
Until, once again pardoned by Him,
One comes closer to God."
20100307
Regret
I regret most of the mistakes I've made both off-line and on-line, especially the ones documented in this blog before 2008.
However, I do not regret falling in love in 2008 at all.
It's obvious now that I had hurt a few people who are no longer my friends, and neutral parties who either rallied to my cause or were against me.
As well, it's important for me to live in the present moment, provided that I apply the lessons learned from past mistakes.
However, the limitations placed on me by fatigue may only be lessened by rest. This is not an excuse, because in the past I've shown I am able to be responsible when well rested.
However, I do not regret falling in love in 2008 at all.
It's obvious now that I had hurt a few people who are no longer my friends, and neutral parties who either rallied to my cause or were against me.
As well, it's important for me to live in the present moment, provided that I apply the lessons learned from past mistakes.
However, the limitations placed on me by fatigue may only be lessened by rest. This is not an excuse, because in the past I've shown I am able to be responsible when well rested.
20050717
Universal Responsibility
Adopting an attitude of universal responsibility is essentially a personal matter. The real test of compassion is not what we say in abstract discussions but how we conduct ourselves in daily life.
-His Holiness the Dalai Lama, "Imagine All the People"
Just talking about harmlessness isn't enough.
When spiritual practice (meditation) does not lead to reciprical compassion from others, a person's conduct should still be to practise harmlessness.
To feel guilty for past wrongs is not enough - one must strive to learn from one's mistakes.
Even in the Dhammapada it is written to not cling to regrets and worries.
Dhammapada 67-68:
It's not good,
the doing of the deed
that, once it's done,
you regret,
whose result you reap crying,
your face in tears.
It's good,
the doing of the deed
that, once it's done,
you don't regret,
whose result you reap gratified,
happy at heart.
As well, the cure for regrets about wrongs done is simply letting go:
348:
Gone to the beyond of becoming,
you let go of in front,
let go of behind,
let go of between.
With a heart everywhere let-go,
you don't come again to birth
& aging.
Thus what the Dalai Lama says about the real test of compassion is ... how we conduct ourselves in daily life.
-His Holiness the Dalai Lama, "Imagine All the People"
Just talking about harmlessness isn't enough.
When spiritual practice (meditation) does not lead to reciprical compassion from others, a person's conduct should still be to practise harmlessness.
To feel guilty for past wrongs is not enough - one must strive to learn from one's mistakes.
Even in the Dhammapada it is written to not cling to regrets and worries.
Dhammapada 67-68:
It's not good,
the doing of the deed
that, once it's done,
you regret,
whose result you reap crying,
your face in tears.
It's good,
the doing of the deed
that, once it's done,
you don't regret,
whose result you reap gratified,
happy at heart.
As well, the cure for regrets about wrongs done is simply letting go:
348:
Gone to the beyond of becoming,
you let go of in front,
let go of behind,
let go of between.
With a heart everywhere let-go,
you don't come again to birth
& aging.
Thus what the Dalai Lama says about the real test of compassion is ... how we conduct ourselves in daily life.
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