Today I went to my doctor to fill my prescriptions for gabapentin and flexeril (cyclabenzaprine), both of which I consider safer than anything stronger for me. The flexeril is for muscle spasms in my left shoulder due to arthosis and the gabapentin, sleep.
For a while, while using both medications, I was anticipating more sedation, but like what I get from them on waking. It's great to wake up after taking flexeril and gabapentin, only to find my thoughts aren't sluggish.
I suppose the reason for wanting this medication is the laid-back feeling the morning after due to getting a good night's rest.
A plus is there are few side effects worth mentioning. Instead I just feel good, about myself and how to deal with the world.
Thank the heavens for cyclobenzaprine to sedate me, and gabapentin, to calm my mind down.
Update: 20140206.2022
Also, if I up my dose of gabapentin, then I can reduce my nicotine addiction. Given that a daily dose 1500 mg of gabapentin can reduce alcohol cravings to the point of abstinence in 17 percent of alcoholics, gabapentin may be used to maintain nicotine abstinence. Though, gabapentin has some sedative effects but has no interaction with alcohol or nicotine.
So tonight I'm taking the minimum dose of 300 mg, which is the lowest maintenance dose of gabapentin i.e. the lowest recommended dose that may cause psychological dependence. I'd rather take a medication that I get free due to being a Class C recipient for social welfare than have to pay for a $8-10 a pack of cigarettes.
Originally written on Dec 19, 2012 at 7:16 AM
Last posted on December 7, 20163 at 9:04 PM
Showing posts with label cyclobenzaprine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cyclobenzaprine. Show all posts
20140206
20140201
Insomnia and Its Effect on Borderline Personality (satire)
This article is related to what I read about borderline personality disorder e.g. the ability to idealize or fantasize about another person without even have to interact with them.
However, I am also writing this article because I don't like imagining how life would be without Googleplus. It'd be fit as a Hollywood script but most of the plots I have seen on TV or on the big screen are unrealistic, except maybe for Criminal Minds.
Sometimes borderline people would have a fantasized relationship where it all exists in her imagination.
I think our grandparents used to call it daydreaming.
Mundanes seem to ignore their fantasies unless they are in the same room with each other.
Perhaps a few of the emo kids fit the typical borderline personality disorder, which can mimic all the other mental disorders, though not the mood disorders.
A borderline person would have to have a real mood disorder, though the hysterical suicide attempts usually are not fatal, unless they cut too deeply and other morbid stuff like that.
I am pretty lucky to have been born Asian and Buddhist. When diagnosed in 1991 with borderline, my doctor and I agreed the medication route would not be in my best interest, in light of the fact that SSRIs do not work on a personality disorder.
Most doctors often mistake the side effect of akathisia for anxiety and wrong-mindedly choose to up the SSRI dosage, which causes more akathisia.
If such restlessness is present, then it might feel like anxiety but anxiety has one hidden feature to it: it is due to anger that is so suppressed it comes out as a panic attack rather than rage.
Akathisia may lead to thoughts of suicide and morbid ideation about suicide choices. Usually that happens when a dose is missed or doubled.
Thus the additional SSRI dosage could cause a crisis.
However, there is a solution: 15-30 mg of Remeron, which is a antihistamine based sedative. However the mental health consumer can encounter sleep-eating experiences on the higher dose (30mg).
Personally, I think an orgasm could solve more of the mental health issues since a few severely mentally ill American women on the self help web forums are so jaded from past failed relationships, they don't want to handle a relationship anymore. Possibly they got fed up with men. I do not doubt a lot of them become lesbians, but don't have a healthy sex life because they are too ill to enjoy it anymore.
Mainly because the pleasure feels more like pain, though I am certain Lexapro and Celexa have mild painkiller effect.
Guys are not built like that. If the little head anticipate a sexual encounter, the libido will kick in and rule their lives. E.g. the 40 yr old man who gets 25 yr old mistress and lies to his wife about the lipstick on his collar.
Though I have heard of a marriage that led to divorce because the wife was a homophobe who didn't understand her husband's bisexual urges. Scary.
Yet us guys do not think girl-girl sex is inherently gay unless they are both lesbians. Often though, one of the so-called lesbian is a bisexual in the closet.
I can see a lesbian blow up if her bisexual lady lover get a little dick on the sly and accidentally gets pregnant. She would be hurt her lover didn't at least introduce him.
As a rule, misogynist males and androphobic women are extremes. Yes, men haters and women haters are extremes and thus rare. For most people, hate does not ferment into bigotry because it's just unthinkable.
However, we tend to have neurotic tendencies, while the narcissistic person could be our worst nightmare.
Indeed, neuroses are NORMAL. Depression is a normal reaction to negativity in a person's life. Anxiety is a normal reaction to repressed anger that morphs into a panic attack or "the inability to leave the house to the point of coming up with excuses never to leave the house" aka agoraphobia, which too is a neurosis of the worst kind.
As long as a person isn't self harming, be it drug addictions or worse, cutting, neuroses will rarely kill you, with the rare exception of being scared to death.
I like all people in my circles on Googleplus. Your humor might outrage my mom so I like you even more.
Personally though I find horror movies to be hilarious. I know what real blood looks like. Most of the fake blood in horror does not get close to the real thing. However, I am grateful for that because then horror would stop being funny.
It might be my personality to laugh under stress like embarrassment or fear.
If you look over my earlier post on Blogspot about my mental health, then you'd learn that I got diagnosed in 1991.
Today I am certain that psychiatrist just wanted to convince me into thinking I was schizo-something. Schizoaffective which is comorbid with a mood disorder appears with schizophrenic symptoms of paranoia and hallucinations. Schizotypal indicates probable schizophrenic symptoms when under stress. Since schizotypy refers to eccentricities of personality, it is stress that causes the initial effects of schizotypal disorder before adulthood.
After adulthood, all it takes is a drug addiction to hide anxiety and depression. Since alcohol and tobacco is legal, these drugs are often used to self-medicate by people who eventually become mentally ill. Though both of them need careful moderation to reduce side-effects.
According to the anti-marijuana propaganda, smoking lots of marijuana before adulthood leads to anxiety, which presents as temporary paranoia in full-blown anxiety attacks. Indeed, in a certain portion of users, marijuana is known to induce feelings of paranoia and can cause hallucinations which will make an anxious person freak out.
An example is the 911 call by that cop who share a doob with his wife. He complained of experiencing time slowing down and wondered if he was going to die. It makes me wonder if he checked out what the side effects of THC are. Erowid is your friend for that.
So I got diagnosed with borderline personality. Since I have chosen to treat the insomnia rather than the borderline symptoms, the disorder is less of a problem and more of a blessing.
Since borderline is associated with the myth of a flawed personality, perhaps in my case it is a bogus diagnosis. The European description of the same disorder is called Emotionally Unstable Disorder. Both descriptions are stigmatizing. It's still in the DSM-V because shrinks plan to make a lot of money diagnosing hysterical people, once they filter out the funny kind of hysterics.
Emo kids would fit the borderline diagnosis, even the ones that learn to cut from their mentally ill peers who probably suffer depression and anxiety. I'm certain depression could result psychotic thoughts about suicide if a kid's anxiety keeps her homebound.
Me, I'm on two absolutely safe drugs I can get by script, Neurontin (gabapentin; low dose of 200 mg daily for neurasthenia-related pain) and Flexeril (cyclobenzaprine; 10 mg daily for pain from osteoarthrosis of left shoulder). Additionally, I also take two amino acids, lysine for anxiety and arginine for the cardiovascular system. Then there is n-acetyl cysteine (NAC) for liver detoxification (500 mg daily), Vitamins B-50 for stress, C (500+ mg) and D (1000+ IU daily) for the immune system, Calcium (350 mg daily; works in synergy with Vitamin C and lysine for bones and collagen formation), and Ocuvite (to preserve eyesight).
As well, I have recently confirmed the diagnosis of borderline personality because one of my friends in my circles has blocked me due to taking an earlier edition of this rant too seriously. Since this is good material for a blog post, I have edited the private rant to target a great audience.
Most of this article was written earlier in January while suffering insomnia. The reason why it jumps all over the place because it is a rant — not an essay — about living with my borderline personality.
I am glad to have found friends within most of my circles on GooglePlus and appreciate the silent yet sometimes vocal support from my circles on GooglePlus. Currently, I have just woken up an hour ago to post this article after editing it into what you are reading now. Since using the lysine and arginine (1000 mg each) for the past week, I have been getting enough sleep at night.
My motive for writing this rant in its current form is to document what living with my borderline personality is like on my worst days. Sleep hygiene is important in reducing stress, which keeps the dark side of the personality at bay. YMMV.
For your entertainment, I present the following video playlists to show you how I make light with my borderline personality.
First I dance...
And dance some more...
And dance yet again...
Though I've been too busy to dance with work and all.
Sometimes I make music...
Most of the time, I blog and have been on Blogspot for eleven years. Blogging serves as a creative outlet for me. Sometimes an article is popular, but often it is not. I am clueless to what actually works, but realize that none of these article I write are cast in stone.
That means when I find an article needs references, it'll get references and more rhetoric added based on those references. In the case of this article, the tags and the videos above are all that is needed.
Reference:
My Mental Health So Far: http://gandhara.blogspot.com/2014/01/my-mental-health-so-far-satire.html
However, I am also writing this article because I don't like imagining how life would be without Googleplus. It'd be fit as a Hollywood script but most of the plots I have seen on TV or on the big screen are unrealistic, except maybe for Criminal Minds.
Sometimes borderline people would have a fantasized relationship where it all exists in her imagination.
I think our grandparents used to call it daydreaming.
Mundanes seem to ignore their fantasies unless they are in the same room with each other.
Perhaps a few of the emo kids fit the typical borderline personality disorder, which can mimic all the other mental disorders, though not the mood disorders.
A borderline person would have to have a real mood disorder, though the hysterical suicide attempts usually are not fatal, unless they cut too deeply and other morbid stuff like that.
I am pretty lucky to have been born Asian and Buddhist. When diagnosed in 1991 with borderline, my doctor and I agreed the medication route would not be in my best interest, in light of the fact that SSRIs do not work on a personality disorder.
Most doctors often mistake the side effect of akathisia for anxiety and wrong-mindedly choose to up the SSRI dosage, which causes more akathisia.
If such restlessness is present, then it might feel like anxiety but anxiety has one hidden feature to it: it is due to anger that is so suppressed it comes out as a panic attack rather than rage.
Akathisia may lead to thoughts of suicide and morbid ideation about suicide choices. Usually that happens when a dose is missed or doubled.
Thus the additional SSRI dosage could cause a crisis.
However, there is a solution: 15-30 mg of Remeron, which is a antihistamine based sedative. However the mental health consumer can encounter sleep-eating experiences on the higher dose (30mg).
Personally, I think an orgasm could solve more of the mental health issues since a few severely mentally ill American women on the self help web forums are so jaded from past failed relationships, they don't want to handle a relationship anymore. Possibly they got fed up with men. I do not doubt a lot of them become lesbians, but don't have a healthy sex life because they are too ill to enjoy it anymore.
Mainly because the pleasure feels more like pain, though I am certain Lexapro and Celexa have mild painkiller effect.
Guys are not built like that. If the little head anticipate a sexual encounter, the libido will kick in and rule their lives. E.g. the 40 yr old man who gets 25 yr old mistress and lies to his wife about the lipstick on his collar.
Though I have heard of a marriage that led to divorce because the wife was a homophobe who didn't understand her husband's bisexual urges. Scary.
Yet us guys do not think girl-girl sex is inherently gay unless they are both lesbians. Often though, one of the so-called lesbian is a bisexual in the closet.
I can see a lesbian blow up if her bisexual lady lover get a little dick on the sly and accidentally gets pregnant. She would be hurt her lover didn't at least introduce him.
As a rule, misogynist males and androphobic women are extremes. Yes, men haters and women haters are extremes and thus rare. For most people, hate does not ferment into bigotry because it's just unthinkable.
However, we tend to have neurotic tendencies, while the narcissistic person could be our worst nightmare.
Indeed, neuroses are NORMAL. Depression is a normal reaction to negativity in a person's life. Anxiety is a normal reaction to repressed anger that morphs into a panic attack or "the inability to leave the house to the point of coming up with excuses never to leave the house" aka agoraphobia, which too is a neurosis of the worst kind.
As long as a person isn't self harming, be it drug addictions or worse, cutting, neuroses will rarely kill you, with the rare exception of being scared to death.
I like all people in my circles on Googleplus. Your humor might outrage my mom so I like you even more.
Personally though I find horror movies to be hilarious. I know what real blood looks like. Most of the fake blood in horror does not get close to the real thing. However, I am grateful for that because then horror would stop being funny.
It might be my personality to laugh under stress like embarrassment or fear.
If you look over my earlier post on Blogspot about my mental health, then you'd learn that I got diagnosed in 1991.
Today I am certain that psychiatrist just wanted to convince me into thinking I was schizo-something. Schizoaffective which is comorbid with a mood disorder appears with schizophrenic symptoms of paranoia and hallucinations. Schizotypal indicates probable schizophrenic symptoms when under stress. Since schizotypy refers to eccentricities of personality, it is stress that causes the initial effects of schizotypal disorder before adulthood.
After adulthood, all it takes is a drug addiction to hide anxiety and depression. Since alcohol and tobacco is legal, these drugs are often used to self-medicate by people who eventually become mentally ill. Though both of them need careful moderation to reduce side-effects.
According to the anti-marijuana propaganda, smoking lots of marijuana before adulthood leads to anxiety, which presents as temporary paranoia in full-blown anxiety attacks. Indeed, in a certain portion of users, marijuana is known to induce feelings of paranoia and can cause hallucinations which will make an anxious person freak out.
An example is the 911 call by that cop who share a doob with his wife. He complained of experiencing time slowing down and wondered if he was going to die. It makes me wonder if he checked out what the side effects of THC are. Erowid is your friend for that.
So I got diagnosed with borderline personality. Since I have chosen to treat the insomnia rather than the borderline symptoms, the disorder is less of a problem and more of a blessing.
Since borderline is associated with the myth of a flawed personality, perhaps in my case it is a bogus diagnosis. The European description of the same disorder is called Emotionally Unstable Disorder. Both descriptions are stigmatizing. It's still in the DSM-V because shrinks plan to make a lot of money diagnosing hysterical people, once they filter out the funny kind of hysterics.
Emo kids would fit the borderline diagnosis, even the ones that learn to cut from their mentally ill peers who probably suffer depression and anxiety. I'm certain depression could result psychotic thoughts about suicide if a kid's anxiety keeps her homebound.
Me, I'm on two absolutely safe drugs I can get by script, Neurontin (gabapentin; low dose of 200 mg daily for neurasthenia-related pain) and Flexeril (cyclobenzaprine; 10 mg daily for pain from osteoarthrosis of left shoulder). Additionally, I also take two amino acids, lysine for anxiety and arginine for the cardiovascular system. Then there is n-acetyl cysteine (NAC) for liver detoxification (500 mg daily), Vitamins B-50 for stress, C (500+ mg) and D (1000+ IU daily) for the immune system, Calcium (350 mg daily; works in synergy with Vitamin C and lysine for bones and collagen formation), and Ocuvite (to preserve eyesight).
As well, I have recently confirmed the diagnosis of borderline personality because one of my friends in my circles has blocked me due to taking an earlier edition of this rant too seriously. Since this is good material for a blog post, I have edited the private rant to target a great audience.
Most of this article was written earlier in January while suffering insomnia. The reason why it jumps all over the place because it is a rant — not an essay — about living with my borderline personality.
I am glad to have found friends within most of my circles on GooglePlus and appreciate the silent yet sometimes vocal support from my circles on GooglePlus. Currently, I have just woken up an hour ago to post this article after editing it into what you are reading now. Since using the lysine and arginine (1000 mg each) for the past week, I have been getting enough sleep at night.
My motive for writing this rant in its current form is to document what living with my borderline personality is like on my worst days. Sleep hygiene is important in reducing stress, which keeps the dark side of the personality at bay. YMMV.
For your entertainment, I present the following video playlists to show you how I make light with my borderline personality.
First I dance...
And dance some more...
And dance yet again...
Though I've been too busy to dance with work and all.
Sometimes I make music...
Most of the time, I blog and have been on Blogspot for eleven years. Blogging serves as a creative outlet for me. Sometimes an article is popular, but often it is not. I am clueless to what actually works, but realize that none of these article I write are cast in stone.
That means when I find an article needs references, it'll get references and more rhetoric added based on those references. In the case of this article, the tags and the videos above are all that is needed.
Reference:
My Mental Health So Far: http://gandhara.blogspot.com/2014/01/my-mental-health-so-far-satire.html
20140111
My Mental Health So Far (satire)
When I reflect on the borderline personality disorder diagnosis I was given over 20 years ago, perhaps it was only accurate in 1991.
After discussing the diagnosis with my doctor, we decided to preserve my mental health by not opting for medication. At age 33, I was still young and immature for my age.
Overall though, my delayed maturity was due mainly to my limited social experience before moving out of my parents' home.
At age 39 I left home to live on my own. It's been over 15 years now that I've lived independently of my parents, but only five years since I have developed a mature understanding of the roles my siblings (one older brother, one younger sister) and my parents played in my emotional and psychological development.
During that time, I lost a friend in 2006 to pancreatic cancer and my father in 2007 to old age. As well, I met and fell in love with four different women in 1994, 2000, 2001 and 2007.
Today I'm sure the borderline personality disorder is in remission.
By the end of 2012, I have been in remission from depression that lasted from 2009 to 2011. From 2010 to 2012, I chose psychotherapy combined with medication of my choosing to see if it would help me.
From my perspective, I am sure that psychotherapy was helpful in the beginning. Yet it was becoming less useful over time due to my unwillingness to fully commit to total disclosure. At some point near its end, I developed a fear that continued therapy would undo the improvement in my life.
Even so, I learned a lot from my psychotherapist and my choice in medication. All that can be confirmed about medication is that mirtazapine is a strong sedative and did what it was meant to do (relieve depression).
After discontinuing mirtazapine in 2012, I have relied on gabapentin two 100 mg capsules daily and one 10 mg tablet of flexeril to aid in relief of insomnia.
Gabapentin (Neurontin) is used for neuralgic pain in low doses. Flexeril (cyclobenzaprine) is a muscle relaxant with sedative effects is used to reduce pain for the osteoarthrosis in my left shoulder. Together, both drugs reduce the subtle effects of pain in my body to help me to sleep at night.
After doing a thorough research on borderline personality disorder, I know that I have outgrown a lot of its symptoms over time. That include no recent incidents of self harm and only rare occurrences of impulsivity.
As for idealization and devaluation of others, alternating between high positive regard and great disappointment, it rarely occurs. Instead I maintain a high positive regard for most of my friends and as much positive regard for my GooglePlus followers.
Additionally, I know that the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder implies the personality of a person is flawed. In response, I feel that perhaps the psychiatrists who voted on keeping borderline personality disorder in DSM-V would rather have the ignorant believe in the myth of a flawed personality associated with this debilitating personality disorder than actually overcome the stigma associated with it.
Indeed, I do not believe that my personality is flawed since it is based on myth rather than fact. Rather, a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder may be based on a lack of information about the person being diagnosed including cultural heritage.
Had I been exposed to medication earlier, I am uncertain that it could have helped me at all. For my research on various medications led me to conclude that very little of the medical trials on antidepressants, anti-psychotics, and sedatives included enough Asian volunteers to validate their safety.
I feel that whenever flaws in my personality appear, it is when I am stressed. A person truly cannot isolate himself from the world for long. Even being at home for two days would lead me to develop insomnia. In order to remedy such a situation, I will spend more time away from my computer in the future.
As for now, I would rate my mental health as good with room for improvement.
However, regarding bipolar disorder and other mood disorders, medication and psychotherapy may be warranted when coping strategies do not work.
In my case; I rely on exercise and meditation as coping strategies to relieve stress.
For exercise, I get outside to walk up to five days of the week. Meditation only takes up about 15 minutes of my day.
My hobbies are listening and making music, reading, and writing on my blog.
As for computers, I enjoy both my time on-line and especially off-line. Indeed, being away from the computer is a relief. As well, not using my phone is a bigger relief than using it used to be.
For the moment, because of insomnia, I will consider sleep the best coping strategy of all.
After discussing the diagnosis with my doctor, we decided to preserve my mental health by not opting for medication. At age 33, I was still young and immature for my age.
Overall though, my delayed maturity was due mainly to my limited social experience before moving out of my parents' home.
At age 39 I left home to live on my own. It's been over 15 years now that I've lived independently of my parents, but only five years since I have developed a mature understanding of the roles my siblings (one older brother, one younger sister) and my parents played in my emotional and psychological development.
During that time, I lost a friend in 2006 to pancreatic cancer and my father in 2007 to old age. As well, I met and fell in love with four different women in 1994, 2000, 2001 and 2007.
Today I'm sure the borderline personality disorder is in remission.
By the end of 2012, I have been in remission from depression that lasted from 2009 to 2011. From 2010 to 2012, I chose psychotherapy combined with medication of my choosing to see if it would help me.
From my perspective, I am sure that psychotherapy was helpful in the beginning. Yet it was becoming less useful over time due to my unwillingness to fully commit to total disclosure. At some point near its end, I developed a fear that continued therapy would undo the improvement in my life.
Even so, I learned a lot from my psychotherapist and my choice in medication. All that can be confirmed about medication is that mirtazapine is a strong sedative and did what it was meant to do (relieve depression).
After discontinuing mirtazapine in 2012, I have relied on gabapentin two 100 mg capsules daily and one 10 mg tablet of flexeril to aid in relief of insomnia.
Gabapentin (Neurontin) is used for neuralgic pain in low doses. Flexeril (cyclobenzaprine) is a muscle relaxant with sedative effects is used to reduce pain for the osteoarthrosis in my left shoulder. Together, both drugs reduce the subtle effects of pain in my body to help me to sleep at night.
After doing a thorough research on borderline personality disorder, I know that I have outgrown a lot of its symptoms over time. That include no recent incidents of self harm and only rare occurrences of impulsivity.
As for idealization and devaluation of others, alternating between high positive regard and great disappointment, it rarely occurs. Instead I maintain a high positive regard for most of my friends and as much positive regard for my GooglePlus followers.
Additionally, I know that the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder implies the personality of a person is flawed. In response, I feel that perhaps the psychiatrists who voted on keeping borderline personality disorder in DSM-V would rather have the ignorant believe in the myth of a flawed personality associated with this debilitating personality disorder than actually overcome the stigma associated with it.
Indeed, I do not believe that my personality is flawed since it is based on myth rather than fact. Rather, a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder may be based on a lack of information about the person being diagnosed including cultural heritage.
Had I been exposed to medication earlier, I am uncertain that it could have helped me at all. For my research on various medications led me to conclude that very little of the medical trials on antidepressants, anti-psychotics, and sedatives included enough Asian volunteers to validate their safety.
I feel that whenever flaws in my personality appear, it is when I am stressed. A person truly cannot isolate himself from the world for long. Even being at home for two days would lead me to develop insomnia. In order to remedy such a situation, I will spend more time away from my computer in the future.
As for now, I would rate my mental health as good with room for improvement.
However, regarding bipolar disorder and other mood disorders, medication and psychotherapy may be warranted when coping strategies do not work.
In my case; I rely on exercise and meditation as coping strategies to relieve stress.
For exercise, I get outside to walk up to five days of the week. Meditation only takes up about 15 minutes of my day.
My hobbies are listening and making music, reading, and writing on my blog.
As for computers, I enjoy both my time on-line and especially off-line. Indeed, being away from the computer is a relief. As well, not using my phone is a bigger relief than using it used to be.
For the moment, because of insomnia, I will consider sleep the best coping strategy of all.
20130204
Update on my Meds: Not for Insomnia
OK, just so you know, neither gabapentin nor cyclobenzaprine cause sleep in insomniacs.
I'm pretty sure you'd need harder stuff to promote sleep, like say 15 mg mirtazapine.
However, I'll stick to the current medications prescribed because of the strong sedative effect of mirtazapine.
I'm pretty sure you'd need harder stuff to promote sleep, like say 15 mg mirtazapine.
However, I'll stick to the current medications prescribed because of the strong sedative effect of mirtazapine.
20130120
My Meds
Just thought I would show my meds.
Please see tags for names of meds.
You will also find my other articles.
All I can say is, the anxiety and depression are in remission.
20130111
Good Bye Personality Disorder, Hello Neurosis
Around 1992, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. However, after discussion of the matter with my doctor, I decided not to seek medication.
Twenty years later, that diagnosis does not define me at all. While I can relate to fear, anxiety, insomnia, and hypomania, I cannot relate to mania and psychosis. For it turns out that when I enter the hypomanic phase, I become sociable and outgoing.
While I am anti-psychiatry, I am not anti-medication. Since both cyclobenzaprine and gabapentin are not used like the usual psychopharamaceuticals, I don't consider them in the same light as sleep aids.
I shall continue to use them because nine times out of ten, they would as directed (10 mg of cyclobenzaprine and 2 x 100 mg of gabapentin at bedtime). Otherwise, I'm overproductive and on a roll until I sleep it off.
When I was on mirtazapine three years ago, it acted like a strong sedative. Today I won't touch it again.
Aside from medication I try to get out at least four to five times a week.
When I get the urge to indulge in my photography hobby I get right into it. That hobby has helped me a lot.
So, rather than borderline personality disorder, I'm going with neurosis. Furthermore, because neuroses are no longer in the DSM, the medications I am using now help with sleep quality.
Neuroses are associated with distress, which points to mental suffering. While medication provides restful sedation, meditation helps achieve the calm mind to aid in gathering insight into one's distress.
In fact, once a person learns the basics of meditation, she can practice anytime and anywhere to clear her mind and bring an end to her suffering eventually.
Personally I tend to see suffering as inspiration to meditate and discover what gifts it has hidden away.
In that light, neuroses fade away, and reveal curiosity about what's really troubling me, and inspires me to write about it further exposing my neuroses to light until they become something I can control like fear, anxiety, and even insomnia.
This whole process of meditation is what I call the only true mind control. This kind of control is self-taught. This implies that meditation can be learned by any one.
Also, all the aspects of neurosis could be seen as gifts hidden behind suffering. Fear too becomes useful because it appears when one is under threat, be it by stress or by physical threat. Stress itself may be harder to escape than a physical threat, only if we listen to the fear rather than the voice of reason.
Often that voice of reason is saying "Look for the hiden gifts". So for me, the most expedient way of handling stress is to welcome it nto my life. It could be just as easy ass saying quietly, "Thank you stress!" Even greeting neuroses could do wonders to relieve distress.
In essence, that is the second part of meditation, when you are calm in mind and ready to handle stress, it would be just the time to observe your thoughts to see how they arise to form your fear. Once you do that, then you could stop listening to them by listening to yourself breathe, and if you're beyond that, get out and exercise to break the spell of neurosis.
For it starts with watching your breath and it ends very well...
Twenty years later, that diagnosis does not define me at all. While I can relate to fear, anxiety, insomnia, and hypomania, I cannot relate to mania and psychosis. For it turns out that when I enter the hypomanic phase, I become sociable and outgoing.
While I am anti-psychiatry, I am not anti-medication. Since both cyclobenzaprine and gabapentin are not used like the usual psychopharamaceuticals, I don't consider them in the same light as sleep aids.
I shall continue to use them because nine times out of ten, they would as directed (10 mg of cyclobenzaprine and 2 x 100 mg of gabapentin at bedtime). Otherwise, I'm overproductive and on a roll until I sleep it off.
When I was on mirtazapine three years ago, it acted like a strong sedative. Today I won't touch it again.
Aside from medication I try to get out at least four to five times a week.
When I get the urge to indulge in my photography hobby I get right into it. That hobby has helped me a lot.
So, rather than borderline personality disorder, I'm going with neurosis. Furthermore, because neuroses are no longer in the DSM, the medications I am using now help with sleep quality.
Neuroses are associated with distress, which points to mental suffering. While medication provides restful sedation, meditation helps achieve the calm mind to aid in gathering insight into one's distress.
In fact, once a person learns the basics of meditation, she can practice anytime and anywhere to clear her mind and bring an end to her suffering eventually.
Personally I tend to see suffering as inspiration to meditate and discover what gifts it has hidden away.
In that light, neuroses fade away, and reveal curiosity about what's really troubling me, and inspires me to write about it further exposing my neuroses to light until they become something I can control like fear, anxiety, and even insomnia.
This whole process of meditation is what I call the only true mind control. This kind of control is self-taught. This implies that meditation can be learned by any one.
Also, all the aspects of neurosis could be seen as gifts hidden behind suffering. Fear too becomes useful because it appears when one is under threat, be it by stress or by physical threat. Stress itself may be harder to escape than a physical threat, only if we listen to the fear rather than the voice of reason.
Often that voice of reason is saying "Look for the hiden gifts". So for me, the most expedient way of handling stress is to welcome it nto my life. It could be just as easy ass saying quietly, "Thank you stress!" Even greeting neuroses could do wonders to relieve distress.
In essence, that is the second part of meditation, when you are calm in mind and ready to handle stress, it would be just the time to observe your thoughts to see how they arise to form your fear. Once you do that, then you could stop listening to them by listening to yourself breathe, and if you're beyond that, get out and exercise to break the spell of neurosis.
For it starts with watching your breath and it ends very well...
20121122
Male and Female Triad of Archetypes in My Dream
It's been about 5 days on my new cyclobenzaprine (10 gm) & gabapentin (100 mg) prescription.
I've noticed dreams during onset to stage 2 sleep. The content of the dreams isn't upsetting, though in the one which awoke me, the main theme I notice is three paired male-female archetypes. Another thing I've notice is that these dreams have started over the past two days when I have used 100 mg gabapentin rather than the usual 200 mg.
Most likely this is due to a combination of having had a full day of being outdoors.
Tuesday I spent time in Vancouver first at the library, then at English Bay and took a lot of pictures; then I went to UBC for the pizza & Pepsi for $3.50 & went home. Wednesday I spent time at UBC, used the free Internet, did some errands and then returned home.
The reason why I feel that the dreams are due to being out and about is because in the past, sometimes I have a dream that's so full of content that I wake up.
While I cannot prove if my dreams are the result of recent existential memories being transfered from short-term to long-term memory, the fact that I awoke tonight implies that I had a larger set of memories accumulated over two days to transfer.
My hypothesis is that dreams are the side effect of memory transfer from short-term to long-term memory. Everything in that dream is symbolic of that memory transfer even though the content of that dream may be off-topic and sometimes out of this world.
Tonight the characters in the dream were 3 females, one a young girl (virgin), the same age as my roommate (maiden), and possibly an elderly woman (crome). The young girl had been befriended by the maiden, but on asking the maiden if she had called the virgin's mother, the maiden got upset. At some point some kind of kitchen utensil is involved and there is a risk of harming the virgin. The maiden is getting angrier and angrier because I am questioning this polite thing to do. The "I" is the observer and I've forgotten the other two male archetypes. Another aspect of the dream is that it's the same place I am going to which is dreamland's analog of reality. Oh, I met the young girl's family, though have forgotten how many members in that family. Possibly it's three including the girl.
The virgin-maiden-crone archetype appears to be similar to the Freudian id-ego-superego, so I will refer to the male archetypes as id, ego, and superego.
The reason why I remember more about the female archetypes than the male has to do with my hypothesis that a person dreams about the opposite gender to help balance out the dominance of his or her own gender. I feel that the romantic notion of a sex dream is wishful thinking on the part of psychotherapists designed more to entertain than to an accurate description of a dream. YMMV
The female triad of archetypes is also myth-poetic, which appeals to me; the male triad of archetypes is not, which represents my current rejection of Freudian archetypes. Indeed, that is why I do not remember nor can I describe the other two males besides the observer. This is because I feel that one cannot separate the male triad of archetypes, for they are homogeneous elements i.e. id=ego=superego, mixed together as one. This implies that I = (id+ego+superego) in the past two dreams.
Even in the dream, the virgin and maiden were only present, I believe, because the maiden is actually the composite of maiden-crone. As a side note, my female roommate had a hysterectomy, and that might have been encoded into the dream as the composite female archetype.
I'm pretty sure this familiar place I return to in my dreams is the analog of the memory transfer going on. This implies that each building I have seen in my dreams, and the different places are actually places where I store memory. This even includes the cars, the river, and the people. It would take a dream dictionary to discover what emotions are being stored with the experiences I have had over the past 60 hours.
I also believe that dreams are entertainment to help relieve the boredom of sleep.
Anyway, I"m going to take another gabapentin, and see if I have another dream...
I've noticed dreams during onset to stage 2 sleep. The content of the dreams isn't upsetting, though in the one which awoke me, the main theme I notice is three paired male-female archetypes. Another thing I've notice is that these dreams have started over the past two days when I have used 100 mg gabapentin rather than the usual 200 mg.
Most likely this is due to a combination of having had a full day of being outdoors.
Tuesday I spent time in Vancouver first at the library, then at English Bay and took a lot of pictures; then I went to UBC for the pizza & Pepsi for $3.50 & went home. Wednesday I spent time at UBC, used the free Internet, did some errands and then returned home.
The reason why I feel that the dreams are due to being out and about is because in the past, sometimes I have a dream that's so full of content that I wake up.
While I cannot prove if my dreams are the result of recent existential memories being transfered from short-term to long-term memory, the fact that I awoke tonight implies that I had a larger set of memories accumulated over two days to transfer.
My hypothesis is that dreams are the side effect of memory transfer from short-term to long-term memory. Everything in that dream is symbolic of that memory transfer even though the content of that dream may be off-topic and sometimes out of this world.
Tonight the characters in the dream were 3 females, one a young girl (virgin), the same age as my roommate (maiden), and possibly an elderly woman (crome). The young girl had been befriended by the maiden, but on asking the maiden if she had called the virgin's mother, the maiden got upset. At some point some kind of kitchen utensil is involved and there is a risk of harming the virgin. The maiden is getting angrier and angrier because I am questioning this polite thing to do. The "I" is the observer and I've forgotten the other two male archetypes. Another aspect of the dream is that it's the same place I am going to which is dreamland's analog of reality. Oh, I met the young girl's family, though have forgotten how many members in that family. Possibly it's three including the girl.
The virgin-maiden-crone archetype appears to be similar to the Freudian id-ego-superego, so I will refer to the male archetypes as id, ego, and superego.
The reason why I remember more about the female archetypes than the male has to do with my hypothesis that a person dreams about the opposite gender to help balance out the dominance of his or her own gender. I feel that the romantic notion of a sex dream is wishful thinking on the part of psychotherapists designed more to entertain than to an accurate description of a dream. YMMV
The female triad of archetypes is also myth-poetic, which appeals to me; the male triad of archetypes is not, which represents my current rejection of Freudian archetypes. Indeed, that is why I do not remember nor can I describe the other two males besides the observer. This is because I feel that one cannot separate the male triad of archetypes, for they are homogeneous elements i.e. id=ego=superego, mixed together as one. This implies that I = (id+ego+superego) in the past two dreams.
Even in the dream, the virgin and maiden were only present, I believe, because the maiden is actually the composite of maiden-crone. As a side note, my female roommate had a hysterectomy, and that might have been encoded into the dream as the composite female archetype.
I'm pretty sure this familiar place I return to in my dreams is the analog of the memory transfer going on. This implies that each building I have seen in my dreams, and the different places are actually places where I store memory. This even includes the cars, the river, and the people. It would take a dream dictionary to discover what emotions are being stored with the experiences I have had over the past 60 hours.
I also believe that dreams are entertainment to help relieve the boredom of sleep.
Anyway, I"m going to take another gabapentin, and see if I have another dream...
20121103
Hysteria? Wrong Diagnosis! It's Anxiety Disorder!
Circa 1991 I was diagnosed with a personality disorder. This is based on the one interview with the nice Canadian-born English psychiatrist who tried to interest me in getting diagnosed for schizophrenia, too.
After Googling the diagnosis, I learned that Borderline Personality Disorder used to be called Hysteria & used to be diagnosed predominately in women.
11 years later, I seriously doubt the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. Rather, I have an anxiety disorder which is predominant among Japanese. It is nurtured in the family. My elder brother, my younger sister and myself have a spectrum of anxiety disorders; both my mother has it and my father used to have anxiety about being in Zellers. Thankfully he passed away in 2007, so he no longer has it. :p
In my case, I find that adequate rest is the key to beating anxiety. Secondly, I use 200 mg at bedtime of gabapentin (Neurontin) to keep it at bay, and rely on 10 g at bedtime of cyclobenzaprine (Flexeril) to sleep.
In addition, the gabapentin helps me achieve deep sleep so even if I get 6 hours of sleep, I feel adequately rested. Though, on the average, 9 hours of sleep is optimal for me. As a matter of fact, the medication has stopped the social anxiety I used to get 5 years ago.
If this is a placebo effect, then Flexeril is the perfect sugar pill for me.
After Googling the diagnosis, I learned that Borderline Personality Disorder used to be called Hysteria & used to be diagnosed predominately in women.
11 years later, I seriously doubt the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. Rather, I have an anxiety disorder which is predominant among Japanese. It is nurtured in the family. My elder brother, my younger sister and myself have a spectrum of anxiety disorders; both my mother has it and my father used to have anxiety about being in Zellers. Thankfully he passed away in 2007, so he no longer has it. :p
In my case, I find that adequate rest is the key to beating anxiety. Secondly, I use 200 mg at bedtime of gabapentin (Neurontin) to keep it at bay, and rely on 10 g at bedtime of cyclobenzaprine (Flexeril) to sleep.
In addition, the gabapentin helps me achieve deep sleep so even if I get 6 hours of sleep, I feel adequately rested. Though, on the average, 9 hours of sleep is optimal for me. As a matter of fact, the medication has stopped the social anxiety I used to get 5 years ago.
If this is a placebo effect, then Flexeril is the perfect sugar pill for me.
20121023
Update on My Medications
A couple days ago, I tried 10g of Reactine for its sedative properties. A mild sedation was experienced but it left me feeling anxious and edgy.
Since then I have not used any more cetirizine due to the anxiety.
However, I prefer flexeril for the sedation I get the day after.
This is what sedation feels like for me with either drug: I feel mellow, and am able to moderate my negative emotions and remain positive despite the stress of daily life.
Even the pain in my left shoulder went away on flexeril.
Usually I take gabapentin (Neurontin) with flexeril at bedtime. Gabapentin is used to moderate pain, and relieves my anxiety. Flexeril is a muscle relaxant.
Yo prevent dependence on gabapentin, I take 100-200 mg. Likewise for flexeril, the dose is 10 mg.
Neither drug causes physical dependence. However, one may become habituated to either drug over time.
As well, I have never noticed any changes in behavior that could not be explain by other factors such as stress.
Therefore, when used according to the recommended dose for each drug, flexeril and gabapentin are useful in getting adequate rest at night.
For me, both medications are safer than the alternative.
Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for any person taking any medication mentioned above at more than the recommended doses, either alone or mixed with other drugs.
Since then I have not used any more cetirizine due to the anxiety.
However, I prefer flexeril for the sedation I get the day after.
This is what sedation feels like for me with either drug: I feel mellow, and am able to moderate my negative emotions and remain positive despite the stress of daily life.
Even the pain in my left shoulder went away on flexeril.
Usually I take gabapentin (Neurontin) with flexeril at bedtime. Gabapentin is used to moderate pain, and relieves my anxiety. Flexeril is a muscle relaxant.
Yo prevent dependence on gabapentin, I take 100-200 mg. Likewise for flexeril, the dose is 10 mg.
Neither drug causes physical dependence. However, one may become habituated to either drug over time.
As well, I have never noticed any changes in behavior that could not be explain by other factors such as stress.
Therefore, when used according to the recommended dose for each drug, flexeril and gabapentin are useful in getting adequate rest at night.
For me, both medications are safer than the alternative.
Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for any person taking any medication mentioned above at more than the recommended doses, either alone or mixed with other drugs.
20110716
Neurosis in my life
Neurosis is prevalent in post-modern society.
I suffer from neurosis, since I am now taking 11 vitamins and supplements.
The psychiatric term is "hypochondriasis."
Part of the etiology of hypochondriasis is the believe that I am taking care of my overall health by taking vitamins and supplements — mentally and physically — combined with the few medications I am taking now — cyclobenzaprine as muscle relaxant (for osteoarthrosic left shoulder and as a sleep aid) and gabapentin (for mild pain and mood stablizer).
Currently I have had two appointments arranged by my primary physician in the coming month:
with a neurologist to determine the neurological origin for the anger-hostility-aggression (AHA) symptoms related to temporal lobe epilepsy (TLE) and my history of mild traumatic brain injuries, and
with the local mental health centre's psychiatrist to test for bipolar disorder.
I suffer from neurosis, since I am now taking 11 vitamins and supplements.
The psychiatric term is "hypochondriasis."
Part of the etiology of hypochondriasis is the believe that I am taking care of my overall health by taking vitamins and supplements — mentally and physically — combined with the few medications I am taking now — cyclobenzaprine as muscle relaxant (for osteoarthrosic left shoulder and as a sleep aid) and gabapentin (for mild pain and mood stablizer).
Currently I have had two appointments arranged by my primary physician in the coming month:
20110208
Flexeril and Its Antidepressant Effects due to Antihistimine Properties
Monday morning I got up early enough to visit my doctor. Due to my insomnia, I had delayed a follow-up visit to him while tapering down to one tablet of mirtazapine when needed i.e. when I need a good sleep before morning.
After 5 minutes of talking to my doctor, he recommended stretching exercises - and I countered with "I practice tai chi". So he suggested cyclobenzaprine (flexeril), a tricyclic antidepressant with strong muscle relaxant properties i.e. another antihistamine chemically different from benadryl and mirtazapine.
This drug has a slow onset of 2-6 hours but lasts for up to 20 hours.
I know because after I got home around 11 PM, it took me about 2 hours before the first effects hit me, but had taken one tablet about 8PM. By 4AM I was off to bed.
It's unknown if dissolving the tablet in my mouth leads to this delayed effect. Then most of Tuesday was spent in bed. I'd only gotten up around 5 PM.
There may be a synergy with alcohol, because I slowly sipped a Colt 45 circa 9.45 PM at a friend's place and was out of there by 10:25 PM.
However, I felt no alcohol buzz; this may have been due to smoking a couple cigarettes for most of the time at my friend's place. In fact, I believe nicotine may have been the protective factor, as it kept me alert and less likely to yield to both alcohol's and flexeril's sedative properties.
When I awoke during the time before 5 PM, I just felt the need for more sleep. This, most likely, was a "hangover" effect due to the combination of alcohol with flexeril and trace amounts of mirtazapine.
Therefore, the mixing of liberal amounts of alcohol and/or other CNS depressants with Flexeril is not recommended. This includes mirtazapine and other psychiatric medication. Also included is gabapentin and other anti-epileptic drugs.
Updated: 20111116.1625
Flexeril is a muscle relaxant which has sedation as one of its side-effects. Currently, I use flexeril 10 mg daily.
Mirtazapine is being marketed as an antidepressant, however, it has antihistamine side effect of sedation in low doses. I used to take this medication at 2 doses of 15 mg daily. Over a year after I first wrote this article, I no longer take mirtazapine.
Gabapentin is used for nerve pain and is used mainly to control seizures in epilepsy in high doses. Currently I use it for its ability to reduce anxiety at 2 doses at 100 mg per capsule.
20121225.0841
Currently I use 10 mg of flexeril and 200 mg of gabapentin at bedtime. The gabapentin helps improve the ability to enter deep sleep and the flexeril helps me to fall to sleep.
After 5 minutes of talking to my doctor, he recommended stretching exercises - and I countered with "I practice tai chi". So he suggested cyclobenzaprine (flexeril), a tricyclic antidepressant with strong muscle relaxant properties i.e. another antihistamine chemically different from benadryl and mirtazapine.
This drug has a slow onset of 2-6 hours but lasts for up to 20 hours.
I know because after I got home around 11 PM, it took me about 2 hours before the first effects hit me, but had taken one tablet about 8PM. By 4AM I was off to bed.
It's unknown if dissolving the tablet in my mouth leads to this delayed effect. Then most of Tuesday was spent in bed. I'd only gotten up around 5 PM.
There may be a synergy with alcohol, because I slowly sipped a Colt 45 circa 9.45 PM at a friend's place and was out of there by 10:25 PM.
However, I felt no alcohol buzz; this may have been due to smoking a couple cigarettes for most of the time at my friend's place. In fact, I believe nicotine may have been the protective factor, as it kept me alert and less likely to yield to both alcohol's and flexeril's sedative properties.
When I awoke during the time before 5 PM, I just felt the need for more sleep. This, most likely, was a "hangover" effect due to the combination of alcohol with flexeril and trace amounts of mirtazapine.
Therefore, the mixing of liberal amounts of alcohol and/or other CNS depressants with Flexeril is not recommended. This includes mirtazapine and other psychiatric medication. Also included is gabapentin and other anti-epileptic drugs.
Updated: 20111116.1625
Flexeril is a muscle relaxant which has sedation as one of its side-effects. Currently, I use flexeril 10 mg daily.
Mirtazapine is being marketed as an antidepressant, however, it has antihistamine side effect of sedation in low doses. I used to take this medication at 2 doses of 15 mg daily. Over a year after I first wrote this article, I no longer take mirtazapine.
Gabapentin is used for nerve pain and is used mainly to control seizures in epilepsy in high doses. Currently I use it for its ability to reduce anxiety at 2 doses at 100 mg per capsule.
20121225.0841
Currently I use 10 mg of flexeril and 200 mg of gabapentin at bedtime. The gabapentin helps improve the ability to enter deep sleep and the flexeril helps me to fall to sleep.
20101219
Update on my Meds
Today I am on my last of 7.5 mg (half of 15 mg tablet) of mirtazapine.
Fifty tablets of mirtazapine are stored with a package of 25 caplets of diphenhydramine in my drawer to be used as sedatives for insomnia only.
Thursday I got a new prescription for gabapentin, which helped bring out the best of me. My meds came from my primary GP, but in retrospect, it would have been less of a hassle to get it from my secondary GP, except that I couldn't get up at 7.30AM to get in to see him.
I got a good result from 200 mg Thursday night, and there was little sedation. The next morning, I took 7.5 mg of mirtazapine and the histamine-related sedation left me with impaired balance and related effects which took me 2 hours to adapt — the gabapentin helped because I took a 100 mg dose about an hour after the sedation hit me.
This morning, gabapentin has sparked a remarkable difference in me. I actually felt friendly and outgoing, and it appears to have reduced the usual shyness I used to have.
Yet much of my behavioral negativities actually has very little to do with the medication, but with being able to try something different.
Although I'd like natural health-food remedies and the like, psychopharmaceuticals are the emergency backup plan. With cognitive behavior therapy, they have worked in my case.
If insanity can be defined as doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome every time, then sanity is the ability to do something different.
Here is how I am going to do something different: I am open to responses from the anti-psychiatry crowd. Also, will the people who have tried gabapentin please respond?
Any responses demonizing medication will be ignored; such fear-mongering is based on emotional reasoning, which could lead to cognitive distortions.
If any thought pops in your head before you write, then please reread what I wrote and think through your feelings before responding. I'll try to do my best to think, think and think in kind! :)
Update for 20130116: I'm now on cyclobenzaprine 10 g and gabapentin 200 mg at bedtime.
Fifty tablets of mirtazapine are stored with a package of 25 caplets of diphenhydramine in my drawer to be used as sedatives for insomnia only.
Thursday I got a new prescription for gabapentin, which helped bring out the best of me. My meds came from my primary GP, but in retrospect, it would have been less of a hassle to get it from my secondary GP, except that I couldn't get up at 7.30AM to get in to see him.
I got a good result from 200 mg Thursday night, and there was little sedation. The next morning, I took 7.5 mg of mirtazapine and the histamine-related sedation left me with impaired balance and related effects which took me 2 hours to adapt — the gabapentin helped because I took a 100 mg dose about an hour after the sedation hit me.
This morning, gabapentin has sparked a remarkable difference in me. I actually felt friendly and outgoing, and it appears to have reduced the usual shyness I used to have.
Yet much of my behavioral negativities actually has very little to do with the medication, but with being able to try something different.
Although I'd like natural health-food remedies and the like, psychopharmaceuticals are the emergency backup plan. With cognitive behavior therapy, they have worked in my case.
If insanity can be defined as doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome every time, then sanity is the ability to do something different.
Here is how I am going to do something different: I am open to responses from the anti-psychiatry crowd. Also, will the people who have tried gabapentin please respond?
Any responses demonizing medication will be ignored; such fear-mongering is based on emotional reasoning, which could lead to cognitive distortions.
If any thought pops in your head before you write, then please reread what I wrote and think through your feelings before responding. I'll try to do my best to think, think and think in kind! :)
Update for 20130116: I'm now on cyclobenzaprine 10 g and gabapentin 200 mg at bedtime.
20100621
Canadian Pharmacare VS US Medicaid/Medicare
Most mentally ill people get intervened early, and because of mood instability are given drugs until they stabilize, usually lithium despite the medical risks.
IMHO the thinking of most psychiatrists is that Omega-3 in fish oils as supplementation takes too long (six weeks).
However, most meds lose their efficiency in 6 weeks due to the placebo effect.
Indeed, most meds work because of the placebo effect.
In short, it is the patient's belief in getting well which results in recovery.
However, in Canada, most patients eventually get status as person with disabilities under welfare. Depending on the severity of symptoms, this qualifies a patient for either Plan C (most medications are free even if you don't have PWD) or Plan G (all psychomeds are free as is the trip to the psych ward).
However, if a patient has relief of his anxiety handled by obsolete medication (antihistamines), he has to pay for the cost himself (including OTC antihistamines).
It looks like a lot of meds under American Medicaid/Medicare are not covered, or closer to the truth, most SSI recipients do not know which meds are covered.
I wouldn't agree to SSRIs because of them worsening anxiety and causing nausea, along with the risk of serotonin syndrome.
Relief of insomnia is foremost in preventing hypomania and its probable evolution into mania and psychoses. Therefore I look for a hypnotic effect in medication. It must have an antihistamine action. Next I look for safety and tolerance.
This is what led me to mirtazapine (Remeron), mainly because of those mentoined effects and the fact that in most meta-analyses of mirtazapine versus the SSRIs, TCAs and other antidepressants, mirtazapine exhibited a profile which is no better than placebo.
I've also researched gabapentin and realized that it would cause glaucoma or at the least, ruin my sight.
Yet at the six-week mark, 15 mg of mirtazapine no longer makes me sleepy. This makes me determined to continue my psychotherapy and see how well the drug has made me of mind.
If I am only using mirtazapine after its effects have plateaued, then I would have to consider the side effects of extended use of mirtazapine to decide if they outweigh its use as placebo.
2012-12-27: Today I stopped using mirtazapine a year ago. At the moment I use flexeril and gabapentin, which helps keep me sedated. The gabapentin in particular improves deep sleep better than benzodiazepines. Flexeril's sedation helps induce sleep.
These medications work for me, since I stopped believing in the DSM as a useful guide which involves arbitrary pigeon-holing of mental health consumers. The only use the DSM I feel is to manufacture mental illness.
However, I am anti-psychiatry. but believe in medication to deal with insomnia and mild aches and pain. Also, I am an advocate of vigourous physical exercise (brisk walking for more than one mile).
IMHO the thinking of most psychiatrists is that Omega-3 in fish oils as supplementation takes too long (six weeks).
However, most meds lose their efficiency in 6 weeks due to the placebo effect.
Indeed, most meds work because of the placebo effect.
In short, it is the patient's belief in getting well which results in recovery.
However, in Canada, most patients eventually get status as person with disabilities under welfare. Depending on the severity of symptoms, this qualifies a patient for either Plan C (most medications are free even if you don't have PWD) or Plan G (all psychomeds are free as is the trip to the psych ward).
However, if a patient has relief of his anxiety handled by obsolete medication (antihistamines), he has to pay for the cost himself (including OTC antihistamines).
It looks like a lot of meds under American Medicaid/Medicare are not covered, or closer to the truth, most SSI recipients do not know which meds are covered.
I wouldn't agree to SSRIs because of them worsening anxiety and causing nausea, along with the risk of serotonin syndrome.
Relief of insomnia is foremost in preventing hypomania and its probable evolution into mania and psychoses. Therefore I look for a hypnotic effect in medication. It must have an antihistamine action. Next I look for safety and tolerance.
This is what led me to mirtazapine (Remeron), mainly because of those mentoined effects and the fact that in most meta-analyses of mirtazapine versus the SSRIs, TCAs and other antidepressants, mirtazapine exhibited a profile which is no better than placebo.
I've also researched gabapentin and realized that it would cause glaucoma or at the least, ruin my sight.
Yet at the six-week mark, 15 mg of mirtazapine no longer makes me sleepy. This makes me determined to continue my psychotherapy and see how well the drug has made me of mind.
If I am only using mirtazapine after its effects have plateaued, then I would have to consider the side effects of extended use of mirtazapine to decide if they outweigh its use as placebo.
2012-12-27: Today I stopped using mirtazapine a year ago. At the moment I use flexeril and gabapentin, which helps keep me sedated. The gabapentin in particular improves deep sleep better than benzodiazepines. Flexeril's sedation helps induce sleep.
These medications work for me, since I stopped believing in the DSM as a useful guide which involves arbitrary pigeon-holing of mental health consumers. The only use the DSM I feel is to manufacture mental illness.
However, I am anti-psychiatry. but believe in medication to deal with insomnia and mild aches and pain. Also, I am an advocate of vigourous physical exercise (brisk walking for more than one mile).
20100615
Seasonal Affective Disorder
June 15, 2010: It's the middle of June now, and I'd like to be prepared for the onset of SAD now when I am at my highest.
That means for the month of September, I'll see if the mirtazapine makes a difference.
While on this med, I do not mistake the fatigue for depression.
Currently, the changes in sleep pattern appear to mimic the changes in sleep pattern I would undergo during the longer days of summer.
Tho I enjoy sleeping more than usual, both because of the medication and because it's a healthy hobby! :p YMMV
IMHO the best way to beat SAD is to make sure that I have plenty to do in the fall and winter. Being on-line 24/7 does not healthily preoccupy my time.
My plan during the summer is to study Vajrayana, and get involved in the Buddhist community outside Jodo Shinshu.
Hopefully by the fall I'll see how committed I am to this path because it would preoccupy my time during the winter.
Update: 20130124.1820
Over the course of two years since the original post, I veered back to Pure Land Buddhism, of the Chinese flavor mixed with True Pure Land school.
My medication also has been reduced to gabapentin and cyclobenzaprine with good results for sedation and sleep architecture.
For about six months I even tried out Baptist.
Yet I always return to Pure Land since I grew up on it. It's just like when I try to pray, I return to the Nembutsu.
Recently I have affirmed my commitment to Amida Buddha. Over the past month, Buddha Remembrance has resulted in focus, joy, and peace of mind.
As a result of these improvements I've noticed that meditation has resulted in one-pointedness of mind due to ease of focus. This has improved my mood, resulting in more experiences akin to pure joy. Due to ease of focus during meditation, I have also achieved peace of mind.
For focus is related to pure concentration in meditation; joy, the fruit of concentration; and peace of mind, the essence of clarity of mind. The improvement in my mood has allowed me to enjoy being outside, riding transit while on errands.
Overall, I have managed Seasonal Affective Disorder through the use of meditation and regular exercise.
That means for the month of September, I'll see if the mirtazapine makes a difference.
While on this med, I do not mistake the fatigue for depression.
Currently, the changes in sleep pattern appear to mimic the changes in sleep pattern I would undergo during the longer days of summer.
Tho I enjoy sleeping more than usual, both because of the medication and because it's a healthy hobby! :p YMMV
IMHO the best way to beat SAD is to make sure that I have plenty to do in the fall and winter. Being on-line 24/7 does not healthily preoccupy my time.
My plan during the summer is to study Vajrayana, and get involved in the Buddhist community outside Jodo Shinshu.
Hopefully by the fall I'll see how committed I am to this path because it would preoccupy my time during the winter.
Update: 20130124.1820
Over the course of two years since the original post, I veered back to Pure Land Buddhism, of the Chinese flavor mixed with True Pure Land school.
My medication also has been reduced to gabapentin and cyclobenzaprine with good results for sedation and sleep architecture.
For about six months I even tried out Baptist.
Yet I always return to Pure Land since I grew up on it. It's just like when I try to pray, I return to the Nembutsu.
Recently I have affirmed my commitment to Amida Buddha. Over the past month, Buddha Remembrance has resulted in focus, joy, and peace of mind.
As a result of these improvements I've noticed that meditation has resulted in one-pointedness of mind due to ease of focus. This has improved my mood, resulting in more experiences akin to pure joy. Due to ease of focus during meditation, I have also achieved peace of mind.
For focus is related to pure concentration in meditation; joy, the fruit of concentration; and peace of mind, the essence of clarity of mind. The improvement in my mood has allowed me to enjoy being outside, riding transit while on errands.
Overall, I have managed Seasonal Affective Disorder through the use of meditation and regular exercise.
20091021
A Week of Inhibition: No Open Season on My Personal Life
October 21, 2009: During the week I spent not taking a picture with my camera, worrying needlessly about finances, I just felt totally inhibited all that time.
Right now, it's hard to do the things I want to do well. Most likely, it is because the 6 hours of sleep last night.
When inhibited, my personal feelings get muddled. I am not healthily in touch with them. Yet by writing about them, I am demonstrating control over them, perhaps too much control.
As well, much of today's entry is about feelings which are in flux. Nothing I write about are about something permanent and fixed in time.
Of course, today's entry is also lacking in detail about my life in general. It's not supposed to be a detailed analysis of my life.
For I am guarded about my personal life because it would be shameless of me to describe in detail why I am craving privacy now. It is because I've decided to handle my personal finances without going into details.
Returning to photography, as mentioned in the beginning of today's blog entry, I've taken three pictures, and stopped because the rain ruined a couple shots.
And even though the rain hasn't stopped me before, I feel that taking a lot of shots isn't going to make them less blurry and rain-streaked.
So, when looking at my personal life, it can be seen as out of focus because of inhibition.
For when going into detail about my life, that's similar to a clear picture on a sunny day taken with a camera. So, my life appears out of focus because inhibition blurs whatever clear picture I may make of it.
Yet the mistakes I've made today are too few when compared to the things I've accomplished such as managing my money, and taking care of errands, which are personal and private.
I loathe doing this fearless inventory of myself - it makes me realize that my feelings do not reflect an accurate picture of who I am. Even though it is most definitely a delusion, I feel less complete as a person, like something is missing.
I feel less happy, because my feelings tell me that all those many photographs I took were done to not closely examine myself without fear.
So perhaps by now examining myself, yet not detailing those feelings and emotions, and correctly assigning them, I am trying to maintain a balance between feelings and reason.
Update: 20130118.1153
Today I try to get out three times a week or more. As a result of changes I made in my lifestyle, I have no anxiety or any symptoms of depression. Te current medication I am taking is 200 mg of gabapentin and 10 mg of cyclobenzaprine at bedtime.
Right now, it's hard to do the things I want to do well. Most likely, it is because the 6 hours of sleep last night.
When inhibited, my personal feelings get muddled. I am not healthily in touch with them. Yet by writing about them, I am demonstrating control over them, perhaps too much control.
As well, much of today's entry is about feelings which are in flux. Nothing I write about are about something permanent and fixed in time.
Of course, today's entry is also lacking in detail about my life in general. It's not supposed to be a detailed analysis of my life.
For I am guarded about my personal life because it would be shameless of me to describe in detail why I am craving privacy now. It is because I've decided to handle my personal finances without going into details.
Returning to photography, as mentioned in the beginning of today's blog entry, I've taken three pictures, and stopped because the rain ruined a couple shots.
And even though the rain hasn't stopped me before, I feel that taking a lot of shots isn't going to make them less blurry and rain-streaked.
So, when looking at my personal life, it can be seen as out of focus because of inhibition.
For when going into detail about my life, that's similar to a clear picture on a sunny day taken with a camera. So, my life appears out of focus because inhibition blurs whatever clear picture I may make of it.
Yet the mistakes I've made today are too few when compared to the things I've accomplished such as managing my money, and taking care of errands, which are personal and private.
I loathe doing this fearless inventory of myself - it makes me realize that my feelings do not reflect an accurate picture of who I am. Even though it is most definitely a delusion, I feel less complete as a person, like something is missing.
I feel less happy, because my feelings tell me that all those many photographs I took were done to not closely examine myself without fear.
So perhaps by now examining myself, yet not detailing those feelings and emotions, and correctly assigning them, I am trying to maintain a balance between feelings and reason.
Update: 20130118.1153
Today I try to get out three times a week or more. As a result of changes I made in my lifestyle, I have no anxiety or any symptoms of depression. Te current medication I am taking is 200 mg of gabapentin and 10 mg of cyclobenzaprine at bedtime.
20090419
Using Robaxacet to Control Sore Shoulder
Due to a sore shoulder caused by a cumulative effect consisting of daily wear and tear over the past 20 years, my left shoulder sometimes gives me a lot of transient pain.
I even get transient aches and pains consistent with arthritis pain. It gets worse if I rest in bed.
However, a long day results in very little pain, including backache which is causal with aches in the arm - possibly due to a combination of poor posture and pinched nerves in the back.
Indeed, both wrists ache; both lower and upper arms on both sides ache; and so does the back.
However, I can sit or stand straight, and the pain is gone.
But, from time to time when I sleep on my left shoulder, it may sometimes ache; other times, no pain.
Lifting my left arm causes pain; but with the right arm, little pain.
As I said, physical activity relieves pain, possibly due to the effect of monamine oxidase on the breakdown of dopamine to adrenalin to noradrenalin to by-product of noradrenalin metabolism.
This same activity probably is why histamines break down.
At the same time, endorphin are produced to soothe any pains, and keep them at a dull ache.
Today I used a half dose of Robaxacet Extra Strength (400 mG metacarbamol, 500 mG acetaminophen) for a total dose of 200 mG methocarbamol and 250 mG acetaminophen.
My reasoning is that I don't need the sedative qualities of metacarbamol, but need the combination of acetaminophen and methocarbamol to deal with anticipated joint pain.
Given that both methocarbamol and acetaminophen have a 2 hours half-life, I know that by 4 PM, the pain may return.
At the same time I am taking a half-dose of Robaxacet, I am adding 400 mG of açai supplements for antioxidant effect, 500 mG of Eleutherococcus senticosus for adaptogenic optimization (helping to adapt to stress) and 2 G of wild salmon and fish oils, both to moderate brain function and keep my heart healthy.
As well, I've taken a dose of Vinpocetine (15 mG) to moderate cerebral function (memory and adaptation).
Hopefully this will keep my left shoulder to a dull ache, rather than the transient aches and pains outlined above.
This is still in keeping with my Less is More philosophy.
Update February 6, 2013 2351:
Roboxacet is OTC, which means it costs more than prescription for a welfare recipient using BC Pharmacare.
Since I'm on disability through the Income Assistance service, I greatly appreciate the help from all taxpayers in BC.
Currently I don't take anything mentioned above anymore. The only supplements I may take are for melatonin, calcium & magnesium and calcium, vitamins B6, D, & B-50 complex — regularly the Vitamin D and B-50 complex.
Of course, the medications I take are cyclobenzaprine (10 mg) and gabapentin (200 mg), which are the two safest medications for sleep (off-label but effective 90% of the time) and sleep architecture (promotion of deep sleep without benzodiazepine addiction risk).
YMMV
I even get transient aches and pains consistent with arthritis pain. It gets worse if I rest in bed.
However, a long day results in very little pain, including backache which is causal with aches in the arm - possibly due to a combination of poor posture and pinched nerves in the back.
Indeed, both wrists ache; both lower and upper arms on both sides ache; and so does the back.
However, I can sit or stand straight, and the pain is gone.
But, from time to time when I sleep on my left shoulder, it may sometimes ache; other times, no pain.
Lifting my left arm causes pain; but with the right arm, little pain.
As I said, physical activity relieves pain, possibly due to the effect of monamine oxidase on the breakdown of dopamine to adrenalin to noradrenalin to by-product of noradrenalin metabolism.
This same activity probably is why histamines break down.
At the same time, endorphin are produced to soothe any pains, and keep them at a dull ache.
Today I used a half dose of Robaxacet Extra Strength (400 mG metacarbamol, 500 mG acetaminophen) for a total dose of 200 mG methocarbamol and 250 mG acetaminophen.
My reasoning is that I don't need the sedative qualities of metacarbamol, but need the combination of acetaminophen and methocarbamol to deal with anticipated joint pain.
Given that both methocarbamol and acetaminophen have a 2 hours half-life, I know that by 4 PM, the pain may return.
At the same time I am taking a half-dose of Robaxacet, I am adding 400 mG of açai supplements for antioxidant effect, 500 mG of Eleutherococcus senticosus for adaptogenic optimization (helping to adapt to stress) and 2 G of wild salmon and fish oils, both to moderate brain function and keep my heart healthy.
As well, I've taken a dose of Vinpocetine (15 mG) to moderate cerebral function (memory and adaptation).
Hopefully this will keep my left shoulder to a dull ache, rather than the transient aches and pains outlined above.
This is still in keeping with my Less is More philosophy.
Update February 6, 2013 2351:
Roboxacet is OTC, which means it costs more than prescription for a welfare recipient using BC Pharmacare.
Since I'm on disability through the Income Assistance service, I greatly appreciate the help from all taxpayers in BC.
Currently I don't take anything mentioned above anymore. The only supplements I may take are for melatonin, calcium & magnesium and calcium, vitamins B6, D, & B-50 complex — regularly the Vitamin D and B-50 complex.
Of course, the medications I take are cyclobenzaprine (10 mg) and gabapentin (200 mg), which are the two safest medications for sleep (off-label but effective 90% of the time) and sleep architecture (promotion of deep sleep without benzodiazepine addiction risk).
YMMV
20070308
Just So You Know...
Hi again!
Juat so you know, despite my recent promotional writing in favor of marijuana, the last time I got high on pot was prior to March 2005.
How can someone who's quit pot promote it? Doesn't that violate a Canadian law?
Let me answer the second question: with respect to marijuana, not promoting marijuana would violate human rights. I am not promoting getting high on marijuana.
I support the educated use of marijuana, and would consider anyone who tries to smoke a whole doob in one sitting to be no different from an alcoholic or a drug addict.
Now, let's get to the first question: I quit marijuana because:
So instead, for my insomnia, I have to use diphenhydramine or Gravol to sleep sometimes. There's an cumulative risk of developing heart disease from diphenhydramine use as well as building tolerance to the stuff. Though currently (Dec. 24, 2012) I use gabapentin and flexeril.
Also, I refuse to take more than 50 mg of the stuff due to the risk of psychosis from large doses. That is what causes those weird visions and other side effects.
Even though diphenhydramine does sedate me and keeps me from freaking out, I just don't want to talk to my subconscious and inner daemons.
While I know two puffs of a doob would chill me out and get me ready for sleep, I will not knowingly break a law or risk psychosis from ingesting too much THC.
However, I still feel it is my duty to educate people about marijuana to the best of my ability.
Juat so you know, despite my recent promotional writing in favor of marijuana, the last time I got high on pot was prior to March 2005.
How can someone who's quit pot promote it? Doesn't that violate a Canadian law?
Let me answer the second question: with respect to marijuana, not promoting marijuana would violate human rights. I am not promoting getting high on marijuana.
I support the educated use of marijuana, and would consider anyone who tries to smoke a whole doob in one sitting to be no different from an alcoholic or a drug addict.
Now, let's get to the first question: I quit marijuana because:
- It's illegal in Canada
- I don't have a medical illness to be registered as a Medical Marijuana user
- Too many people who use marijuana are stuck in a "let's get high" rut and are boring
So instead, for my insomnia, I have to use diphenhydramine or Gravol to sleep sometimes. There's an cumulative risk of developing heart disease from diphenhydramine use as well as building tolerance to the stuff. Though currently (Dec. 24, 2012) I use gabapentin and flexeril.
Also, I refuse to take more than 50 mg of the stuff due to the risk of psychosis from large doses. That is what causes those weird visions and other side effects.
Even though diphenhydramine does sedate me and keeps me from freaking out, I just don't want to talk to my subconscious and inner daemons.
While I know two puffs of a doob would chill me out and get me ready for sleep, I will not knowingly break a law or risk psychosis from ingesting too much THC.
However, I still feel it is my duty to educate people about marijuana to the best of my ability.
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