When I reflect on the borderline personality disorder diagnosis I was given over 20 years ago, perhaps it was only accurate in 1991.
After discussing the diagnosis with my doctor, we decided to preserve my mental health by not opting for medication. At age 33, I was still young and immature for my age.
Overall though, my delayed maturity was due mainly to my limited social experience before moving out of my parents' home.
At age 39 I left home to live on my own. It's been over 15 years now that I've lived independently of my parents, but only five years since I have developed a mature understanding of the roles my siblings (one older brother, one younger sister) and my parents played in my emotional and psychological development.
During that time, I lost a friend in 2006 to pancreatic cancer and my father in 2007 to old age. As well, I met and fell in love with four different women in 1994, 2000, 2001 and 2007.
Today I'm sure the borderline personality disorder is in remission.
By the end of 2012, I have been in remission from depression that lasted from 2009 to 2011. From 2010 to 2012, I chose psychotherapy combined with medication of my choosing to see if it would help me.
From my perspective, I am sure that psychotherapy was helpful in the beginning. Yet it was becoming less useful over time due to my unwillingness to fully commit to total disclosure. At some point near its end, I developed a fear that continued therapy would undo the improvement in my life.
Even so, I learned a lot from my psychotherapist and my choice in medication. All that can be confirmed about medication is that mirtazapine is a strong sedative and did what it was meant to do (relieve depression).
After discontinuing mirtazapine in 2012, I have relied on gabapentin two 100 mg capsules daily and one 10 mg tablet of flexeril to aid in relief of insomnia.
Gabapentin (Neurontin) is used for neuralgic pain in low doses. Flexeril (cyclobenzaprine) is a muscle relaxant with sedative effects is used to reduce pain for the osteoarthrosis in my left shoulder. Together, both drugs reduce the subtle effects of pain in my body to help me to sleep at night.
After doing a thorough research on borderline personality disorder, I know that I have outgrown a lot of its symptoms over time. That include no recent incidents of self harm and only rare occurrences of impulsivity.
As for idealization and devaluation of others, alternating between high positive regard and great disappointment, it rarely occurs. Instead I maintain a high positive regard for most of my friends and as much positive regard for my GooglePlus followers.
Additionally, I know that the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder implies the personality of a person is flawed. In response, I feel that perhaps the psychiatrists who voted on keeping borderline personality disorder in DSM-V would rather have the ignorant believe in the myth of a flawed personality associated with this debilitating personality disorder than actually overcome the stigma associated with it.
Indeed, I do not believe that my personality is flawed since it is based on myth rather than fact. Rather, a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder may be based on a lack of information about the person being diagnosed including cultural heritage.
Had I been exposed to medication earlier, I am uncertain that it could have helped me at all. For my research on various medications led me to conclude that very little of the medical trials on antidepressants, anti-psychotics, and sedatives included enough Asian volunteers to validate their safety.
I feel that whenever flaws in my personality appear, it is when I am stressed. A person truly cannot isolate himself from the world for long. Even being at home for two days would lead me to develop insomnia. In order to remedy such a situation, I will spend more time away from my computer in the future.
As for now, I would rate my mental health as good with room for improvement.
However, regarding bipolar disorder and other mood disorders, medication and psychotherapy may be warranted when coping strategies do not work.
In my case; I rely on exercise and meditation as coping strategies to relieve stress.
For exercise, I get outside to walk up to five days of the week. Meditation only takes up about 15 minutes of my day.
My hobbies are listening and making music, reading, and writing on my blog.
As for computers, I enjoy both my time on-line and especially off-line. Indeed, being away from the computer is a relief. As well, not using my phone is a bigger relief than using it used to be.
For the moment, because of insomnia, I will consider sleep the best coping strategy of all.
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