20140201

Insomnia and Its Effect on Borderline Personality (satire)

This article is related to what I read about borderline personality disorder e.g. the ability to idealize or fantasize about another person without even have to interact with them.

However, I am also writing this article because I don't like imagining how life would be without Googleplus. It'd be fit as a Hollywood script but most of the plots I have seen on TV or on the big screen are unrealistic, except maybe for Criminal Minds.

Sometimes borderline people would have a fantasized relationship where it all exists in her imagination.

I think our grandparents used to call it daydreaming.

Mundanes seem to ignore their fantasies unless they are in the same room with each other.

Perhaps a few of the emo kids fit the typical borderline personality disorder, which can mimic all the other mental disorders, though not the mood disorders.

A borderline person would have to have a real mood disorder, though the hysterical suicide attempts usually are not fatal, unless they cut too deeply and other morbid stuff like that.

I am pretty lucky to have been born Asian and Buddhist. When diagnosed in 1991 with borderline, my doctor and I agreed the medication route would not be in my best interest, in light of the fact that SSRIs do not work on a personality disorder.

Most doctors often mistake the side effect of akathisia for anxiety and wrong-mindedly choose to up the SSRI dosage, which causes more akathisia.

If such restlessness is present, then it might feel like anxiety but anxiety has one hidden feature to it: it is due to anger that is so suppressed it comes out as a panic attack rather than rage.

Akathisia may lead to thoughts of suicide and morbid ideation about suicide choices. Usually that happens when a dose is missed or doubled.

Thus the additional SSRI dosage could cause a crisis.

However, there is a solution: 15-30 mg of Remeron, which is a antihistamine based sedative. However the mental health consumer can encounter sleep-eating experiences on the higher dose (30mg).

Personally, I think an orgasm could solve more of the mental health issues since a few severely mentally ill American women on the self help web forums are so jaded from past failed relationships, they don't want to handle a relationship anymore. Possibly they got fed up with men. I do not doubt a lot of them become lesbians, but don't have a healthy sex life because they are too ill to enjoy it anymore.

Mainly because the pleasure feels more like pain, though I am certain Lexapro and Celexa have mild painkiller effect.

Guys are not built like that. If the little head anticipate a sexual encounter, the libido will kick in and rule their lives. E.g. the 40 yr old man who gets 25 yr old mistress and lies to his wife about the lipstick on his collar.

Though I have heard of a marriage that led to divorce because the wife was a homophobe who didn't understand her husband's bisexual urges. Scary.

Yet us guys do not think girl-girl sex is inherently gay unless they are both lesbians. Often though, one of the so-called lesbian is a bisexual in the closet.

I can see a lesbian blow up if her bisexual lady lover get a little dick on the sly and accidentally gets pregnant. She would be hurt her lover didn't at least introduce him.

As a rule, misogynist males and androphobic women are extremes. Yes, men haters and women haters are extremes and thus rare. For most people, hate does not ferment into bigotry because it's just unthinkable.

However, we tend to have neurotic tendencies, while the narcissistic person could be our worst nightmare.

Indeed, neuroses are NORMAL. Depression is a normal reaction to negativity in a person's life. Anxiety is a normal reaction to repressed anger that morphs into a panic attack or "the inability to leave the house to the point of coming up with excuses never to leave the house" aka agoraphobia, which too is a neurosis of the worst kind.

As long as a person isn't self harming, be it drug addictions or worse, cutting, neuroses will rarely kill you, with the rare exception of being scared to death.

I like all people in my circles on Googleplus. Your humor might outrage my mom so I like you even more.

Personally though I find horror movies to be hilarious. I know what real blood looks like. Most of the fake blood in horror does not get close to the real thing. However, I am grateful for that because then horror would stop being funny.

It might be my personality to laugh under stress like embarrassment or fear.

If you look over my earlier post on Blogspot about my mental health, then you'd learn that I got diagnosed in 1991.

Today I am certain that psychiatrist just wanted to convince me into thinking I was schizo-something. Schizoaffective which is comorbid with a mood disorder appears with schizophrenic symptoms of paranoia and hallucinations. Schizotypal indicates probable schizophrenic symptoms when under stress. Since schizotypy refers to eccentricities of personality, it is stress that causes the initial effects of schizotypal disorder before adulthood.

After adulthood, all it takes is a drug addiction to hide anxiety and depression. Since alcohol and tobacco is legal, these drugs are often used to self-medicate by people who eventually become mentally ill. Though both of them need careful moderation to reduce side-effects.

According to the anti-marijuana propaganda, smoking lots of marijuana before adulthood leads to anxiety, which presents as temporary paranoia in full-blown anxiety attacks. Indeed, in a certain portion of users, marijuana is known to induce feelings of paranoia and can cause hallucinations which will make an anxious person freak out.

An example is the 911 call by that cop who share a doob with his wife. He complained of experiencing time slowing down and wondered if he was going to die. It makes me wonder if he checked out what the side effects of THC are. Erowid is your friend for that.

So I got diagnosed with borderline personality. Since I have chosen to treat the insomnia rather than the borderline symptoms, the disorder is less of a problem and more of a blessing.

Since borderline is associated with the myth of a flawed personality, perhaps in my case it is a bogus diagnosis. The European description of the same disorder is called Emotionally Unstable Disorder. Both descriptions are stigmatizing. It's still in the DSM-V because shrinks plan to make a lot of money diagnosing hysterical people, once they filter out the funny kind of hysterics.

Emo kids would fit the borderline diagnosis, even the ones that learn to cut from their mentally ill peers who probably suffer depression and anxiety. I'm certain depression could result psychotic thoughts about suicide if a kid's anxiety keeps her homebound.

Me, I'm on two absolutely safe drugs I can get by script, Neurontin (gabapentin; low dose of 200 mg daily for neurasthenia-related pain) and Flexeril (cyclobenzaprine; 10 mg daily for pain from osteoarthrosis of left shoulder). Additionally, I also take two amino acids, lysine for anxiety and arginine for the cardiovascular system. Then there is n-acetyl cysteine (NAC) for liver detoxification (500 mg daily), Vitamins B-50 for stress, C (500+ mg) and D (1000+ IU daily) for the immune system, Calcium (350 mg daily; works in synergy with Vitamin C and lysine for bones and collagen formation), and Ocuvite (to preserve eyesight).

As well, I have recently confirmed the diagnosis of borderline personality because one of my friends in my circles has blocked me due to taking an earlier edition of this rant too seriously. Since this is good material for a blog post, I have edited the private rant to target a great audience.

Most of this article was written earlier in January while suffering insomnia. The reason why it jumps all over the place because it is a rant — not an essay — about living with my borderline personality.

I am glad to have found friends within most of my circles on GooglePlus and appreciate the silent yet sometimes vocal support from my circles on GooglePlus. Currently, I have just woken up an hour ago to post this article after editing it into what you are reading now. Since using the lysine and arginine (1000 mg each) for the past week, I have been getting enough sleep at night.

My motive for writing this rant in its current form is to document what living with my borderline personality is like on my worst days. Sleep hygiene is important in reducing stress, which keeps the dark side of the personality at bay. YMMV.

For your entertainment, I present the following video playlists to show you how I make light with my borderline personality.

First I dance...


And dance some more...


And dance yet again...


Though I've been too busy to dance with work and all.

Sometimes I make music...


Most of the time, I blog and have been on Blogspot for eleven years. Blogging serves as a creative outlet for me. Sometimes an article is popular, but often it is not. I am clueless to what actually works, but realize that none of these article I write are cast in stone.

That means when I find an article needs references, it'll get references and more rhetoric added based on those references. In the case of this article, the tags and the videos above are all that is needed.

Reference:

My Mental Health So Far: http://gandhara.blogspot.com/2014/01/my-mental-health-so-far-satire.html

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