Synopsis:
Within a week of March 20, 2006, I went to get assessed by a psychiatrist at Vancouver General Hospital. When I arrived there, I went directly to the psych ward and sat in the waiting room with other patients. After about 5 minutes, the psychiatric nurse at the intake desk came for me, and directed me to the assessment room in another part of the same floor of the hospital. The assessment took about 10 minutes, and the clinician asked me a series of questions which I answered based on my intent to demonstrate sanity. Quite possibly we were both anxious to get through this interview without blowing our cool.
What follows is a redacted version of a post I made on a certain online web forum. Yet much of the redacts parts have been edited to refer to previous blog entries.
The only statements in another post I made are:
my two drug experiences, my friend and roommate dying of pancreatic cancer,and my opinion that within the online community at large, you all are like family to me, because we are all part of the family called "humanity".
Rationalization of a previous post:
The use of psychological and psychiatric terms are symptomatic of my disability, which was never hidden from anyone on any online website forum.
Hence, psychosis refers to a temporary condition caused by reaction to stress, with no permanent state of mind.
Mania refers to the positive state of mind which is friendly, outgoing, and talkative.
Depression refers to the psychic state of mind resulting from suppression of mania.
As well, the term schizo (in one's own world), schizo-affective (affected by the world so as to retreat to one's own world), schizophrenic (fully in one's world), schizophrenic (causal effects which result in the treat to one's own world), etc. are positive.
Hopefully the above example shows how I borrow terminology from the psychiatric field, and use it in creative ways.
These terms are used as tools to describe projected mental states which fit my (mis)perceptions of "the real world."
However, on a web forum, its members are participating in a consensual reality.
Thus, after deliberate analysis, it is accurate to state that the members participating in this reality agree by consensus (at least two or more people) that what I state may be true, both through a reply affirming my assessment and through indirect replies e.g. when a few men have stated that if "psychosis" includes the ability to appreciate large-breasted women, then they are willing to be "psychotic." ;)
Another example is the indirect validation by a few women, which is tempered by their indirect approval of the proposed "thought experiment" to attribute my lowered psychosocial level to the causal factors of traumatic brain injury and ineffective coping strategies. ;)
However, were I to be candid with the shrink by revealing the details of the past 20 months since my recent trauma to this 6 lb universe called the human brain, he'd assume it is symptomatic of borderline personality disorder, anxiety disorder, and depression -- with post-traumatic stress disorder dominant. He would probably stop listening after I state: "my world revolves around computers." The only way I tend to make rapport with him is to keep silent about a few web forums and show him my current state of mind through a written assessment of my state of mind. Given that I will presenting a subjective report, he would be more willing to accept it as valid than a detailed description of the past 20 months. :o
I will state here that few website forums have ever mentioned a mental health professional. However, the stress of keeping it secret may have resulted in the symptoms I have been experiencing off and on over the past year. This may explain why I am now taciturn in public when under stress:
Silence in public protects the online community.
Original post: Thu March 20, 2006 7:42 PM
Edited with redactions to generalize respective pronouns and real-life corporations: Fri December 24, 2010 5:52 PM
Showing posts with label long-term depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label long-term depression. Show all posts
20100619
Why I Chose Medication
Earlier in 2010, I chose to use mirtazapine, not to cure depression, but to augment psychotherapy, and to use direct experience to validate my hypothesis about the neurophysiological cause of the disorder (Borderline Personality Disorder) I was originally diagnosed with i.e. mild Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI).
Psychotherapy lasted for a year.
My hypothesis is that the many mTBI I received from childhood into adulthood resulted in trauma which is the main cause of BPD. My use of mirtazapine is to treat the side effects of mTBI, of which depression is one of them.
I am also of the opinion that mirtazapine, as a strong sedative, also relieved me of the fear of heights, which demonstrates that phobias are in part a neurophysiological affect of mTBI in my case.
Originally posted: June 19, 2010 1847H
Update posted: March 4, 2013 1522H
Psychotherapy lasted for a year.
My hypothesis is that the many mTBI I received from childhood into adulthood resulted in trauma which is the main cause of BPD. My use of mirtazapine is to treat the side effects of mTBI, of which depression is one of them.
I am also of the opinion that mirtazapine, as a strong sedative, also relieved me of the fear of heights, which demonstrates that phobias are in part a neurophysiological affect of mTBI in my case.
Originally posted: June 19, 2010 1847H
Update posted: March 4, 2013 1522H
20100527
Synaptic Feedback Loop: Long-term Potentiation and Long-term Depression in Synapses
Note: Contained in the following post are notes on what I called the synaptic feedback loop. Any errors are mine. References are at the end of this entry to reduce any risk of misunderstanding. YMMV. SHK: 2010-05-27 09:02 AM
Feedback Loop for Synaptic Nerves
Long-term Potentiation (LTP)
hippocampus: learning and memory
LTP shares many features with long-term memory(LT memory), which makes it a strong candidate for cellular mechanism of learning i.e. to validate the biological model of learning.
- triggered rapidly
- dependent on sythesis of new proteins
- has properties of associativity
- lasts for many months
Def. synapse: the junction between two neurons (axon-to-dendrite)
How LTP is supposed to work: "enhanced communication is predominantly carried out by improving the postsynaptic cell's sensitivity to signals received from the presynaptic cell".
How LTP probably works: communication is enhanced by a complex balance and change of neurotransmitter levels coupled with calcium and potassium ions as well as the catalytic and metabolic functions requiring iron, magnesium, selenium and other essential metallic ions, as well as chloride ions, all of which various proteins and enzymes need in order to be created, changed and destroyed.
Signals from a presynaptic cell to its corresponding postsynaptic cell are carried by neurotransmitter molecules to neurotransmitter receptors on the surface of the postsynaptic cell.
How LTP improves sensitivity of the postsynaptic cell to neurotransmitters is largely done as follows:
Long-term Depression
NOTE: This term is not related to the psychoneurosis known as depression in adolescence, nor is it associated with the immature paranoid-schizoid behaviors and mental cognition associated with younger children, as per M. Klein's theory of childhood development.
Long-term depression (LT depression):
- from synaptic stimulation i.e. in cerebellar Purkinje cells (a class of GABAergic neurons located in the cerebellar cortex)
- from persistent weak synaptic stimulation (as in the hippocampus) - this is related to memory and learning
Hypothesis:
However, other plasticity mechanisms may influence motor learning.
Hippocampal LTD can be important for removing old memory traces - IMHO in the same way computer data is backed up from hard drives, and unused documents files archived on backup tape. Hypothesis: old memory traces may be backed up in the store consciousness but this process is so mysterious, it may become a spiritual truism within Buddhism.
Hippocampal and cortical LTD can be dependent on NMDA receptors, metabotrophic glutamate receptors (MGluR), or endocannaboids.
LTD: one of several processes serving to selectively weaken specific synapses to ensure constructive use of synaptic strengthening caused by LTP.
Why is this necessary? Because, if synapses continue increasing in strength, they would ultimately reach a ceiling level of efficiency, leading to inhibition of encoding of new information.
IMHO Once synapses become limited in efficiency, memories would never be transfered from short-term memory (wherever they are stored) to long-term memory (in the hippocampus). Fatigue is a good example of when LTP leads to neurons reaching that ceiling level. It also explains why some people lose muscle strength after working for 4 hours or more, whether due to disease or lack of muscle mass.
References:
Yes, I know the links below don't go anywhere when clicked on. Understanding what I am saying requires effort on the gentle reader's part.
LTP: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long-term_potentiation
LTD, LT depression: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long-term_depression
For more information about paranoid-schizoid and depressive positions, which are about psychological development of childhood, please look at http://gandhara.blogspot.com/2010/05/nornalizing-depression-and-paranoid.html
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