Synopsis:
Within a week of March 20, 2006, I went to get assessed by a psychiatrist at Vancouver General Hospital. When I arrived there, I went directly to the psych ward and sat in the waiting room with other patients. After about 5 minutes, the psychiatric nurse at the intake desk came for me, and directed me to the assessment room in another part of the same floor of the hospital. The assessment took about 10 minutes, and the clinician asked me a series of questions which I answered based on my intent to demonstrate sanity. Quite possibly we were both anxious to get through this interview without blowing our cool.
What follows is a redacted version of a post I made on a certain online web forum. Yet much of the redacts parts have been edited to refer to previous blog entries.
The only statements in another post I made are:
my two drug experiences, my friend and roommate dying of pancreatic cancer,and my opinion that within the online community at large, you all are like family to me, because we are all part of the family called "humanity".
Rationalization of a previous post:
The use of psychological and psychiatric terms are symptomatic of my disability, which was never hidden from anyone on any online website forum.
Hence, psychosis refers to a temporary condition caused by reaction to stress, with no permanent state of mind.
Mania refers to the positive state of mind which is friendly, outgoing, and talkative.
Depression refers to the psychic state of mind resulting from suppression of mania.
As well, the term schizo (in one's own world), schizo-affective (affected by the world so as to retreat to one's own world), schizophrenic (fully in one's world), schizophrenic (causal effects which result in the treat to one's own world), etc. are positive.
Hopefully the above example shows how I borrow terminology from the psychiatric field, and use it in creative ways.
These terms are used as tools to describe projected mental states which fit my (mis)perceptions of "the real world."
However, on a web forum, its members are participating in a consensual reality.
Thus, after deliberate analysis, it is accurate to state that the members participating in this reality agree by consensus (at least two or more people) that what I state may be true, both through a reply affirming my assessment and through indirect replies e.g. when a few men have stated that if "psychosis" includes the ability to appreciate large-breasted women, then they are willing to be "psychotic." ;)
Another example is the indirect validation by a few women, which is tempered by their indirect approval of the proposed "thought experiment" to attribute my lowered psychosocial level to the causal factors of traumatic brain injury and ineffective coping strategies. ;)
However, were I to be candid with the shrink by revealing the details of the past 20 months since my recent trauma to this 6 lb universe called the human brain, he'd assume it is symptomatic of borderline personality disorder, anxiety disorder, and depression -- with post-traumatic stress disorder dominant. He would probably stop listening after I state: "my world revolves around computers." The only way I tend to make rapport with him is to keep silent about a few web forums and show him my current state of mind through a written assessment of my state of mind. Given that I will presenting a subjective report, he would be more willing to accept it as valid than a detailed description of the past 20 months. :o
I will state here that few website forums have ever mentioned a mental health professional. However, the stress of keeping it secret may have resulted in the symptoms I have been experiencing off and on over the past year. This may explain why I am now taciturn in public when under stress:
Silence in public protects the online community.
Original post: Thu March 20, 2006 7:42 PM
Edited with redactions to generalize respective pronouns and real-life corporations: Fri December 24, 2010 5:52 PM
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