An itinerant Muslim al-Khadim al-Nabil once told me:
One night I had a dream about the glorious missionaries Munkar and Nakir of the ancient kingdom of Ba'ed al-Haya.
Elders Munkar and Nakir greeted me, saying:
Peace be unto thee. We ask of thee three questions. Please carefully consider each question and answer righteously.
Who is the Lord!
Who is the Prophet?
What is thy faith about this person?
I replied, God, Mohammed, and Islam (submission to the Lord).
Glory to thee, said the esteemed elders. Please enter our glorious kingdom.
And they took me to Baed al-Haya in a heartbeat.
On arrival, Elder Munkar observed my face and asked:
Esteemed sir, thy countenance maketh thee unbecoming. Why art thou so melancholy?
To the blessed Elder, I said:
Where art the seventy-two virgins, most blessed Elder?
To which the glorious Elder replied:
Sir, thou hast been sorely misinformed.
I shall let my esteemed partner Nakir explain why.
To which the brilliant Elder Nakir chimed in:
Da'esh Haram.
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
20171214
20130412
Dear ET, Save Us from President Kim of North Korea! (humour)
It takes ten thousand planets to be inhabitable in a universe as large as this era's — only one thousand are like ours.
Of these thousand planets perhaps only a half of them are civilized enough not to invade our Earth — no chance of alien invasions, regardless of what the UFO fanatics fear.
Most likely if an alien landed, it might be to congratulated us for not blowing ourselves up with nuclear missiles from Iran, North Korea, or Pakistan.
Perhaps right now, the UFOs are visiting North Korea to prevent World World Three from happening, all because of trade embargoes and other difficulties of which America has been the cause.
Let's hope those 500 civilizations in our galaxy are holding meeting to send a message to President Kim, perhaps by mind control techniques that makes anything the CIA has
to be silly and ridiculous.
Why? Because I don't want to glow in the dark after one of North Korea's errant missiles wipes out Vancouver by accident.
Of these thousand planets perhaps only a half of them are civilized enough not to invade our Earth — no chance of alien invasions, regardless of what the UFO fanatics fear.
Most likely if an alien landed, it might be to congratulated us for not blowing ourselves up with nuclear missiles from Iran, North Korea, or Pakistan.
Perhaps right now, the UFOs are visiting North Korea to prevent World World Three from happening, all because of trade embargoes and other difficulties of which America has been the cause.
Let's hope those 500 civilizations in our galaxy are holding meeting to send a message to President Kim, perhaps by mind control techniques that makes anything the CIA has
to be silly and ridiculous.
Why? Because I don't want to glow in the dark after one of North Korea's errant missiles wipes out Vancouver by accident.
20121208
First a Moment About My Favourite Cellphone Unlocker
Earlier today, I changed my blog's background theme.
we now interrupt this blog entry with a moment about my favourite cellphone unlocker
Then I went to get my Samsung A767 unlocked at my favourite place to get cellphones unlocked. Before I rant about the change of background theme on my blog, I'm going to do my first advertisement in a blog, which is a customer satisfaction plug rather than a paid advertisement. After digging in my wallet to find beyond SCREEN, I realized the proprietor has a website. If you are in Vancouver and don't know where to get your cellphone unlocked, then please check out beyond SCREEN. This is the second time I got one of my cellphones unlocked for $20. When my Samsung smartphone was unlocked, it took less than 30 minutes. This time around, it took 24 hours for the proprietor to get the unlock code and unlock my phone. I also paid upfront for getting the A767 unlocked around 11 AM yesterday after he copied my IMEI and personal information, and returned about 24 hours later with my phone. This time, he unlocked the A767 in less time than it took with my smartphone.
we now return you back to the rest of today's blog entry
GooglePlus members in my circles may have noticed my new blog theme.
Rather than the decidedly black theme, we're presented with a brown background theme. I must've been mentally constipated when I picked that theme. However, it appears to be a winner because one of the previous posts I wrote has gotten 10+ hits since posting it at 5:39 PM today.
Okay, sure, sometimes the first post of the day gets a lot of hits, but not within 4 hours of posting.
I think the last time I got 10+ hits was with the Sex Sells Commentary on Use of Women in Consumer Marketing. Though it only hit 11 the last time I reviewed my blog's webpage statistics.
Ok, wait a minute. 10 web hits isn't rare. As well, it turns out that my poems are sometimes popular and sometimes not. Ok, so it isn't the brown theme. It's the circumstances of that poem. ;)
Oh well! It might be a slow night. 0_o
we now interrupt this blog entry with a moment about my favourite cellphone unlocker
Then I went to get my Samsung A767 unlocked at my favourite place to get cellphones unlocked. Before I rant about the change of background theme on my blog, I'm going to do my first advertisement in a blog, which is a customer satisfaction plug rather than a paid advertisement. After digging in my wallet to find beyond SCREEN, I realized the proprietor has a website. If you are in Vancouver and don't know where to get your cellphone unlocked, then please check out beyond SCREEN. This is the second time I got one of my cellphones unlocked for $20. When my Samsung smartphone was unlocked, it took less than 30 minutes. This time around, it took 24 hours for the proprietor to get the unlock code and unlock my phone. I also paid upfront for getting the A767 unlocked around 11 AM yesterday after he copied my IMEI and personal information, and returned about 24 hours later with my phone. This time, he unlocked the A767 in less time than it took with my smartphone.
we now return you back to the rest of today's blog entry
GooglePlus members in my circles may have noticed my new blog theme.
Rather than the decidedly black theme, we're presented with a brown background theme. I must've been mentally constipated when I picked that theme. However, it appears to be a winner because one of the previous posts I wrote has gotten 10+ hits since posting it at 5:39 PM today.
Okay, sure, sometimes the first post of the day gets a lot of hits, but not within 4 hours of posting.
I think the last time I got 10+ hits was with the Sex Sells Commentary on Use of Women in Consumer Marketing. Though it only hit 11 the last time I reviewed my blog's webpage statistics.
Ok, wait a minute. 10 web hits isn't rare. As well, it turns out that my poems are sometimes popular and sometimes not. Ok, so it isn't the brown theme. It's the circumstances of that poem. ;)
Oh well! It might be a slow night. 0_o
20101225
Dear God (humour)
Dear God, I know that an orgasm is essential to my mental health and overall well-being, and that putting it off for months is considered the norm for the devoutly Christian. Yet I am far from that, and have worn the sheep's clothing. However I am not the wolf. I don't identify with that archetype. It is not me. If there is an emotional disconnect here, then it is because I have forgotten that there is a balance of good and evil to be done within my heart.
It is known among sexual health professionals that regular masturbation is harmless, and that the real harm comes from thinking that suppressing natural human desire is the same as sublimating it.
Why, I had great productivity without wanking each night! It's just another human activity to help me regain my sanity. I know that you understand this but self will is trying to take over my life.
I will be responsible in controlling self will, even if sometimes i have to appease it with an orgasm or three. ;)
Getting to bed early enough is the most appealing alternative. Yet I will masturbate once a week to retain my sanity in spire of the neuroses which arise from stress like this.
Anyway God, thanks for listening.
I gotta go wank again.
It is known among sexual health professionals that regular masturbation is harmless, and that the real harm comes from thinking that suppressing natural human desire is the same as sublimating it.
Why, I had great productivity without wanking each night! It's just another human activity to help me regain my sanity. I know that you understand this but self will is trying to take over my life.
I will be responsible in controlling self will, even if sometimes i have to appease it with an orgasm or three. ;)
Getting to bed early enough is the most appealing alternative. Yet I will masturbate once a week to retain my sanity in spire of the neuroses which arise from stress like this.
Anyway God, thanks for listening.
I gotta go wank again.
20100630
Faith, Religious Practice and Quasi-Religious Practice of Social Drinking (Humour)
Faith, or entrusting, originally used to be known as the clear mind achieved after mindful practice of Buddhist meditation.
To the inexperienced outsider, such faith is discounted as the result of religious indoctrination, not excluding "brainwashing", which I attribute to a lack of respect for spirituality.
Perhaps this is why religious people and their spiritually-included brethren get annoyed at spiritually shallow people.
Though people without any observable religious practice still search for spiritual nourishment unconsciously by developing rituals i.e. "weekend drinking" where a group of people gather together to socialize where they drink to excess, and after excess imbibing, may be inspired to repeatedly pray to the porcelain altar. :)
It's no wonder that Buddhism includes as one of its precepts for lay people to lay off the sauce and imbibe from an unlimited fountain of spiritual development found through meditation instead.
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shinjin
To the inexperienced outsider, such faith is discounted as the result of religious indoctrination, not excluding "brainwashing", which I attribute to a lack of respect for spirituality.
Perhaps this is why religious people and their spiritually-included brethren get annoyed at spiritually shallow people.
Though people without any observable religious practice still search for spiritual nourishment unconsciously by developing rituals i.e. "weekend drinking" where a group of people gather together to socialize where they drink to excess, and after excess imbibing, may be inspired to repeatedly pray to the porcelain altar. :)
It's no wonder that Buddhism includes as one of its precepts for lay people to lay off the sauce and imbibe from an unlimited fountain of spiritual development found through meditation instead.
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shinjin
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