An itinerant Muslim al-Khadim al-Nabil once told me:
One night I had a dream about the glorious missionaries Munkar and Nakir of the ancient kingdom of Ba'ed al-Haya.
Elders Munkar and Nakir greeted me, saying:
Peace be unto thee. We ask of thee three questions. Please carefully consider each question and answer righteously.
Who is the Lord!
Who is the Prophet?
What is thy faith about this person?
I replied, God, Mohammed, and Islam (submission to the Lord).
Glory to thee, said the esteemed elders. Please enter our glorious kingdom.
And they took me to Baed al-Haya in a heartbeat.
On arrival, Elder Munkar observed my face and asked:
Esteemed sir, thy countenance maketh thee unbecoming. Why art thou so melancholy?
To the blessed Elder, I said:
Where art the seventy-two virgins, most blessed Elder?
To which the glorious Elder replied:
Sir, thou hast been sorely misinformed.
I shall let my esteemed partner Nakir explain why.
To which the brilliant Elder Nakir chimed in:
Da'esh Haram.
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
20171214
20150813
The Most Thoughtful Yet Depressing Mormon Hymn (satire)
After first hearing Hymn 197 - O Savior, Thou Who Wearest a Crown - I greatly moved by its subject. Within context of the church, it sobers the repentant heart.
If this song is sung "thoughtfully", then its apt for Easter which fits all the Easter songs in the Hymnbook.
Even I cannot reach the lowest notes; though, being a guy, I cannot hit High C either.
Though, the music of this hymn is based on a hymn by J.S. Bach who improved on the original hymn written by Hans Leo Hassler.
Anyway, to give you an idea of what this song is like, I will quote the whole thing.
1.O Savior, thou who wearest
A crown of piercing thorn,
The pain thou meekly bearest,
Weigh'd down by grief and scorn.
The soldiers mock and flail thee;
For drink they give thee gall;
Upon the cross they nail thee
To die, O King of all.
2.No creature is so lowly,
No sinner so depraved,
But feels thy presence holy
And thru thy love is saved.
Tho craven friends betray thee,
They feel thy love's embrace;
The very foes who slay thee
Have access to thy grace.
3.Thy sacrifice transcended
The mortal law's demand;
Thy mercy is extended
To ev'ry time and land.
No more can Satan harm us,
Tho long the fight may be,
Nor fear of death alarm us;
We live, O Lord, thru thee.
4.What praises can we offer
To thank thee, Lord most high?
In our place thou didst suffer;
In our place thou didst die,
By heaven's plan appointed,
To ransom us, our King.
O Jesus, the anointed,
To thee our love we bring!
Text: Karen Lynn Davidson, b. 1943. © 1985 IRI Music: Hans Leo Hassler, 1564–1612; adapted by J. S. Bach, 1685–1750 2 Nephi 2:6–9 Matthew 27:26–31, 34–35
20141213
The Biggest Whining on my Blog (humor)
I was bummed out cos last week I couldn't visit my friend due to bills. :"(
So if I only partially pay my bills with the next paycheck I'll go Friday...
Christmas makes it worse cos the malls are full of people spending more than what I earn each pay period.
Fuck rich people.
Fuck Burnaby.
You snobby people don't deserve any politeness from me.
Sorry, I love my job but when the average Burnaby person speaks English as second language or is monolingual, makes it hard to say hello, how ya doing?
I should just say "dong ma hei low." Not likely, since that is rude.
OK, I'm done with whining.
So if I only partially pay my bills with the next paycheck I'll go Friday...
Christmas makes it worse cos the malls are full of people spending more than what I earn each pay period.
Fuck rich people.
Fuck Burnaby.
You snobby people don't deserve any politeness from me.
Sorry, I love my job but when the average Burnaby person speaks English as second language or is monolingual, makes it hard to say hello, how ya doing?
I should just say "dong ma hei low." Not likely, since that is rude.
OK, I'm done with whining.
posted from Bloggeroid
20140820
Street Survival: Whatever Works (satire)
I firmly believe that the only way for me to survive on the streets, is to be harmless and not a threaten to anyone. However, I say this as a small person who physically is not a threat to anyone at all.
This means, do not argue with the aggressor. Show your hands. In most cases, you will be left alone.
Yet I know of a few tall men who get picked on occasionally in the rougher suburbs of Vancouver by men who are so intimidated by men taller than themselves that their fear morphs into aggressive behavior which is inappropriate to social norms and violates the rules governing civil behavior.
Even though I may know the motives of the aggressors, and take pity on their victims, who considered it beneath their dignity to fall for the ruse but are physically capable of defending themselves, I point them out not out of criticism but out of one question, "Why?"
Any person who picks a fight on a person, regardless of size would reply, "Because I can."
It is not worth my time to argue against this kind of logic since it all too often leads to a fight.
Instead, I am now going to discuss two types of self-defense, the first of which requires speed and a lot of hiding places which provide enough safety to call for help and the second, a corner and a very strong will to live.
The number one rule in both forms of self defense is maintain distance between your self and the aggressor. No matter how much psychological warfare he uses through insults and verbal forms of aggression, maintain the advantage by not falling for it. Tell him to keep his distance.
For the first form of self-defense is called "run and hide". It assumes that the person under attack knows all the hiding places which will provide up to 30 minutes of safety.
A stairway in a building is a good example but the person must be willing to climb flights of stairs during those critical 30 minutes. Even better is a secured place with a door for which the person has a key but that still assumes that the aggressor is far enough away to unlock, close and lock the door. This assumes that the person under attack has the physical stamina to climb a lot of stairs. It also assumes that the person knows the physical layout of each level of the building.
My reason for a hiding place providing 30 minutes of safety is that is the minimum time it takes for the police to arrive when calling 9-11.
Another variant of "run and hide" is called "Frogger" and requires being near a stream of city traffic and agility. When under attack you dance into traffic, avoiding cars and trucks, and try to time things so that the aggressor abandons pursuit. This requires agility as not all drivers will stop and honk when a person is blocking traffic. This variant is also called "run and hide in plain sight". ;)
In the second form of self-defense, this is called "backed in a corner". It requires the person to fight off his aggressor, and is a no-win scenario if the aggressor is bigger than he is, or has a weapon. However, the tactic to use in the no-win scenario is to use psychological warfare to 1) show you have no weapon, and 2) appeal to the ego of the aggressor to fight a fair fight and engage in fair play. In such a scenario, there is no margin of safety at all. :o
However, more psychological warfare may be done to give the person under attack an advantage.
Another variant of this kind of self defense is called "chicken plucking" and involves the person under attack to remove articles of outer clothing to demonstrate to the aggressor what a fair fight involves. >:)
If you want to avoid robbers, when you see a person who has been following you for fifteen minutes, then walk towards him. Few robbers will attack a person face to face, since you have seen their face. "Run and hide" will only work if you know the neighborhood.
As for avoiding being mugged, act paranoid. A mugger needs the element of surprise.
Originally posted on November 28, 201 at 7:41 PM
This means, do not argue with the aggressor. Show your hands. In most cases, you will be left alone.
Yet I know of a few tall men who get picked on occasionally in the rougher suburbs of Vancouver by men who are so intimidated by men taller than themselves that their fear morphs into aggressive behavior which is inappropriate to social norms and violates the rules governing civil behavior.
Even though I may know the motives of the aggressors, and take pity on their victims, who considered it beneath their dignity to fall for the ruse but are physically capable of defending themselves, I point them out not out of criticism but out of one question, "Why?"
Any person who picks a fight on a person, regardless of size would reply, "Because I can."
It is not worth my time to argue against this kind of logic since it all too often leads to a fight.
Instead, I am now going to discuss two types of self-defense, the first of which requires speed and a lot of hiding places which provide enough safety to call for help and the second, a corner and a very strong will to live.
The number one rule in both forms of self defense is maintain distance between your self and the aggressor. No matter how much psychological warfare he uses through insults and verbal forms of aggression, maintain the advantage by not falling for it. Tell him to keep his distance.
For the first form of self-defense is called "run and hide". It assumes that the person under attack knows all the hiding places which will provide up to 30 minutes of safety.
A stairway in a building is a good example but the person must be willing to climb flights of stairs during those critical 30 minutes. Even better is a secured place with a door for which the person has a key but that still assumes that the aggressor is far enough away to unlock, close and lock the door. This assumes that the person under attack has the physical stamina to climb a lot of stairs. It also assumes that the person knows the physical layout of each level of the building.
My reason for a hiding place providing 30 minutes of safety is that is the minimum time it takes for the police to arrive when calling 9-11.
Another variant of "run and hide" is called "Frogger" and requires being near a stream of city traffic and agility. When under attack you dance into traffic, avoiding cars and trucks, and try to time things so that the aggressor abandons pursuit. This requires agility as not all drivers will stop and honk when a person is blocking traffic. This variant is also called "run and hide in plain sight". ;)
In the second form of self-defense, this is called "backed in a corner". It requires the person to fight off his aggressor, and is a no-win scenario if the aggressor is bigger than he is, or has a weapon. However, the tactic to use in the no-win scenario is to use psychological warfare to 1) show you have no weapon, and 2) appeal to the ego of the aggressor to fight a fair fight and engage in fair play. In such a scenario, there is no margin of safety at all. :o
However, more psychological warfare may be done to give the person under attack an advantage.
Another variant of this kind of self defense is called "chicken plucking" and involves the person under attack to remove articles of outer clothing to demonstrate to the aggressor what a fair fight involves. >:)
If you want to avoid robbers, when you see a person who has been following you for fifteen minutes, then walk towards him. Few robbers will attack a person face to face, since you have seen their face. "Run and hide" will only work if you know the neighborhood.
As for avoiding being mugged, act paranoid. A mugger needs the element of surprise.
Originally posted on November 28, 201 at 7:41 PM
Grow a Vagina (satire)
Sometimes in the near-future, two old gents were arguing in New Tokyo:
Old Man 1: なぜあなたは、膣、老人を成長しない？
Old Man 2: 膣を育てる？どのような外陰部での非表示はどうですか？
Old Man 1: 私は外陰部行ったことがない。私は一から百までパーセントディックだ。
Old Man 2: ディックヘッドのようなより。
Old Man 1: あなたがいずれかを持っていないように、あなたはとても古いです！
Old Man 2: 鶏はあなたのでたらめで我慢されていないため、さて、あなたは、何オンドリはありません。
Old Man 1: 私が気取って歩くコックないんだけど、あなたが膣。
Old Lady: 恥を知れ、あなたの両方。代わりに生産的であることのあなたのペニスの大きさについて再び口論。
Translated to Romaji:
Old Man 1: Naze anata wa, chitsu, rōjin o seichō shinai?
Old Man 2: Chitsu o sodateru? Do no yōna gaiinbu de no hi hyōji wa dōdesu ka?
Old Man 1: Watashi wa gaiinbu itta koto ga nai. Watashi wa ichi kara hyaku made pāsentodikkuda.
Old Man 2: Dikkuheddo no yōna yori.
Old Man 1: Anata ga izureka o motte inai yō ni, anata wa totemo furuidesu!
Old Man 2: Niwatori wa anata no detarame de gaman sa rete inai tame, sate, anata wa, nan ondori wa arimasen.
Old Man 1: Watashi ga kidotte aruku kokku nai'ndakedo, anata ga chitsu.
Old Woman: Hajiwoshire, anata no ryōhō. Kawari ni seisan-tekidearu koto no anata no penisu no ōki-sa ni tsuite futatabi kōron.
Translated to English:
Old Man 1: Why won't an old man like you grow vagina?
Old Man 2: Grow a vagina? Are you hiding in the vulva?
Old Man 1. I'm 100% dick.
Old Man 2: More like dick head
Old Man 1: As you do not have either, you are very old!
Old Man 2: Because the chicken does not put up with your bullshit, and you aren't a rooster.
Old Man 1: I do not cook to walk smugly, but you are a vagina.
Old Lady: Shame, both of you. The bickering again about the size of your dick instead of being productive.
Old Man 1: なぜあなたは、膣、老人を成長しない？
Old Man 2: 膣を育てる？どのような外陰部での非表示はどうですか？
Old Man 1: 私は外陰部行ったことがない。私は一から百までパーセントディックだ。
Old Man 2: ディックヘッドのようなより。
Old Man 1: あなたがいずれかを持っていないように、あなたはとても古いです！
Old Man 2: 鶏はあなたのでたらめで我慢されていないため、さて、あなたは、何オンドリはありません。
Old Man 1: 私が気取って歩くコックないんだけど、あなたが膣。
Old Lady: 恥を知れ、あなたの両方。代わりに生産的であることのあなたのペニスの大きさについて再び口論。
Translated to Romaji:
Old Man 1: Naze anata wa, chitsu, rōjin o seichō shinai?
Old Man 2: Chitsu o sodateru? Do no yōna gaiinbu de no hi hyōji wa dōdesu ka?
Old Man 1: Watashi wa gaiinbu itta koto ga nai. Watashi wa ichi kara hyaku made pāsentodikkuda.
Old Man 2: Dikkuheddo no yōna yori.
Old Man 1: Anata ga izureka o motte inai yō ni, anata wa totemo furuidesu!
Old Man 2: Niwatori wa anata no detarame de gaman sa rete inai tame, sate, anata wa, nan ondori wa arimasen.
Old Man 1: Watashi ga kidotte aruku kokku nai'ndakedo, anata ga chitsu.
Old Woman: Hajiwoshire, anata no ryōhō. Kawari ni seisan-tekidearu koto no anata no penisu no ōki-sa ni tsuite futatabi kōron.
Translated to English:
Old Man 1: Why won't an old man like you grow vagina?
Old Man 2: Grow a vagina? Are you hiding in the vulva?
Old Man 1. I'm 100% dick.
Old Man 2: More like dick head
Old Man 1: As you do not have either, you are very old!
Old Man 2: Because the chicken does not put up with your bullshit, and you aren't a rooster.
Old Man 1: I do not cook to walk smugly, but you are a vagina.
Old Lady: Shame, both of you. The bickering again about the size of your dick instead of being productive.
20130828
To the Children of the West (satire)
Dear Children of the West:
Can you ask the leader of your country to stop the War on Terrorism because it's not working?
The 3,000 deaths in the most symbolic form of terrorism ever called the 9-11 attack on the Twin Towers in NYC was, is and never will be worth the 100,000+ deaths in Afghanistan and Iraq.
Those terrorists even missed the most vital nerve center of the West: the Stock Exchange backup servers. Had that been hit, we would have had the Crash. America's recovery could have been delayed, and the mortgage crunch in 2008 might have dragged on, leading to more poverty and homelessness for Middle Class America.
America would have been left unable to fund Israel, and the terrorists would have wiped it out by 2010.
By 2059, most terrorist bombings would have rendered most cities in the West inhospitable. By 2060, Islam would have had more forced converts and sharia law would have been imposed beyond Dearborn and Birmingham. The end result would not be pretty: by 2100, Muslims (4 billion) would outnumber Christians and Buddhists (3.5 billion) combined in a world with almost 8 billion people
So, I am saying 911 was better than the worst-case scenario. Unfortunately, 100,000+ people dead in the Middle East will never be worth the War on Terrorism, because it has never been 911 that was the real reason for invading Afghanistan and Iraq.
It has always been natural resources of the Middle East. Anyone telling you different on FOX is a CIA dupe. Wake up!
Now it is up to you, Children of the World, to call on your leaders to make war no more.
This public message is not endorsed or funded by the New Left or any other anti-war activist group. You may return to your regular diet of pop and corn chips to play your stupid XBOX game.
Can you ask the leader of your country to stop the War on Terrorism because it's not working?
The 3,000 deaths in the most symbolic form of terrorism ever called the 9-11 attack on the Twin Towers in NYC was, is and never will be worth the 100,000+ deaths in Afghanistan and Iraq.
Those terrorists even missed the most vital nerve center of the West: the Stock Exchange backup servers. Had that been hit, we would have had the Crash. America's recovery could have been delayed, and the mortgage crunch in 2008 might have dragged on, leading to more poverty and homelessness for Middle Class America.
America would have been left unable to fund Israel, and the terrorists would have wiped it out by 2010.
By 2059, most terrorist bombings would have rendered most cities in the West inhospitable. By 2060, Islam would have had more forced converts and sharia law would have been imposed beyond Dearborn and Birmingham. The end result would not be pretty: by 2100, Muslims (4 billion) would outnumber Christians and Buddhists (3.5 billion) combined in a world with almost 8 billion people
So, I am saying 911 was better than the worst-case scenario. Unfortunately, 100,000+ people dead in the Middle East will never be worth the War on Terrorism, because it has never been 911 that was the real reason for invading Afghanistan and Iraq.
It has always been natural resources of the Middle East. Anyone telling you different on FOX is a CIA dupe. Wake up!
Now it is up to you, Children of the World, to call on your leaders to make war no more.
This public message is not endorsed or funded by the New Left or any other anti-war activist group. You may return to your regular diet of pop and corn chips to play your stupid XBOX game.
20130826
A Note to All Recipients from the Messenger (satire)
Attention to those people who might wish harm against me and are tempted to encourage others to silence me:
I encourage anyone who might have wished to murder me to consider the alternative: capture me and sell me to a black market organ extraction network for the top dollar my organs will provide you, up to a total of $5,000 or more!
By merely killing me, you only lose a lot more than you gain!
Please note that this is sarcasm at its darkest moments. The reason why my murder or its alternative will never happen is because you only hate what my words evoke in you, NOT ME.
For I am nothing when in your sight, and yet my words have evoked in you malice towards the messenger. You have only stopped there, and have ignored the root of your fears: that mass media has made us by selfish, manipulative people unable to acknowledge another if he dares to ignore us.
She and he who dare cast the first stones best be pure and innocent like a virgin, untouched for the first time. Anyone else will reap the fruits of his or her karma.
I swear that the writing of this article was made with no malice on my part.
What say you? >:)
I encourage anyone who might have wished to murder me to consider the alternative: capture me and sell me to a black market organ extraction network for the top dollar my organs will provide you, up to a total of $5,000 or more!
By merely killing me, you only lose a lot more than you gain!
Please note that this is sarcasm at its darkest moments. The reason why my murder or its alternative will never happen is because you only hate what my words evoke in you, NOT ME.
For I am nothing when in your sight, and yet my words have evoked in you malice towards the messenger. You have only stopped there, and have ignored the root of your fears: that mass media has made us by selfish, manipulative people unable to acknowledge another if he dares to ignore us.
She and he who dare cast the first stones best be pure and innocent like a virgin, untouched for the first time. Anyone else will reap the fruits of his or her karma.
I swear that the writing of this article was made with no malice on my part.
What say you? >:)
20130111
Tips on How To Get a Spiritual Warrior Into a Buddhist Retreat
What To Do When Asked How You Meditate
This is satire. Using anything contained in this article may get you kicked out of a Buddhist retreat. It is provided here to poke fun at spiritual warriors who take themselves too seriously. However, the aim of this article to help Buddhists to develop humility.
1) Quietly state that you are at the retreat to share what you know about "chanting" before and after meditation.
2) Mention that you visualize the Buddha sitting in meditation by first looking at a picture of Amida Buddha.
3) Insist that reality is subjective and that it is only interpretable to each person. By doing so, you demonstrate that subjective reality is not consensual reality. Do not let their rationalization distract you from your inner Truth. You are not at the retreat to analyze but to be in the moment sitting in meditation.
4) If someone asks you to teach them chanting then tell them "I have meditated for over 20 years and chanting the name of the Buddha before and after helped with my meditation." Then teach them Buddha Remembrance by chanting "OM MANI PADME HUM" 7, 21 or 49 times. Emphasize sincerity during chanting.
What To Do Actually All Day and/or Night When Committed To the Retreat
For people who are serious about attending a Buddhist retreat, here are some simple rules regarding attendance. A Buddhist retreat is for developing compassion, humility, patience, and wisdom.
Bring a sleeping mat and pillow and be prepared to sleep on a hard floor.
Practice harmlessness against yourself and/or others.
Practice meditation on rising and before going to bed.
Be peaceable to other people, but be assertive.
When they give you the vegetarian meal, take it with thanks.
Do not talk out of turn or verbally harass other people. Otherwise, you lose the chance to help each other to enlightenment.
This is satire. Using anything contained in this article may get you kicked out of a Buddhist retreat. It is provided here to poke fun at spiritual warriors who take themselves too seriously. However, the aim of this article to help Buddhists to develop humility.
1) Quietly state that you are at the retreat to share what you know about "chanting" before and after meditation.
2) Mention that you visualize the Buddha sitting in meditation by first looking at a picture of Amida Buddha.
3) Insist that reality is subjective and that it is only interpretable to each person. By doing so, you demonstrate that subjective reality is not consensual reality. Do not let their rationalization distract you from your inner Truth. You are not at the retreat to analyze but to be in the moment sitting in meditation.
4) If someone asks you to teach them chanting then tell them "I have meditated for over 20 years and chanting the name of the Buddha before and after helped with my meditation." Then teach them Buddha Remembrance by chanting "OM MANI PADME HUM" 7, 21 or 49 times. Emphasize sincerity during chanting.
What To Do Actually All Day and/or Night When Committed To the Retreat
For people who are serious about attending a Buddhist retreat, here are some simple rules regarding attendance. A Buddhist retreat is for developing compassion, humility, patience, and wisdom.
Bring a sleeping mat and pillow and be prepared to sleep on a hard floor.
Practice harmlessness against yourself and/or others.
Practice meditation on rising and before going to bed.
Be peaceable to other people, but be assertive.
When they give you the vegetarian meal, take it with thanks.
Do not talk out of turn or verbally harass other people. Otherwise, you lose the chance to help each other to enlightenment.
20110907
What My Life is Exactly Like
Yes, I barely talk when by myself.
Blogging online and contributing to Craigslist forums is not talking; it's stream-of-consciousness channelling whatever is on my mind.
I barely do this in publicm because I've yet to find a sponsor.
20110506
Buddhism and Anger: Three Types of People
The Buddha said:
"There are three types of people in the world. What three?
One who is like carving on a rock, one who is like scratching on the ground and one who is like writing on the water.
What sort of person is like carving on the rock?
Imagine a certain person who is always getting angry and his anger lasts long, jut as carving on a rock is not soon worn off by wind, water or lapse of time.
What sort of person is like scratching on the ground?
Imagine a certain person who is always getting angry but his anger does not last long, just as scratching on the ground is soon worn off by wind, water and lapse of time.
And what sort of person is like writing on the water?
Imagine a certain person who, even though spoken to harshly, sharply, roughly, is easily reconciled and becomes agreeable and friendly, just as writing on the water soon disappears".
--Anguttara Nikaya I/283
Reflection on these three types of people forms the basis for the Buddhist approach to anger management.
This is helpful in putting anger in context of the situation in which it arises.
This part of Anguttara Nikaya is known to be part of the Book of Threes (Tika Nipata), called in Pali, Lekha Sutta. However, this translation is also popular in Singapore and Sri Lanka.
Reference:
Anger Management Buddhist style: http://www.4ui.com/eart/178eart1.htm
Anger in context: http://www.burnfield.net/id14.htm
Anguttara Nikaya:
Tika Nipata: http://www.suttacentral.net/disp_sutta.php?subdivision_id=61&subdivision_name=Tika%20Nip%C4%81ta&collection_name=Pali&division=AN&acronym=3&type=Subdivision
Singapore:
There are three types of people: http://sdhammika.blogspot.ca/2010/03/there-are-three-types-of-people-in.html
Essential teachings of the Buddha: http://www.alexkhun.com/drupal79/node/68
Sri Lanka
Syndrome of hate: http://www.lankika.com/?p=7451
"There are three types of people in the world. What three?
One who is like carving on a rock, one who is like scratching on the ground and one who is like writing on the water.
What sort of person is like carving on the rock?
Imagine a certain person who is always getting angry and his anger lasts long, jut as carving on a rock is not soon worn off by wind, water or lapse of time.
What sort of person is like scratching on the ground?
Imagine a certain person who is always getting angry but his anger does not last long, just as scratching on the ground is soon worn off by wind, water and lapse of time.
And what sort of person is like writing on the water?
Imagine a certain person who, even though spoken to harshly, sharply, roughly, is easily reconciled and becomes agreeable and friendly, just as writing on the water soon disappears".
--Anguttara Nikaya I/283
Reflection on these three types of people forms the basis for the Buddhist approach to anger management.
This is helpful in putting anger in context of the situation in which it arises.
This part of Anguttara Nikaya is known to be part of the Book of Threes (Tika Nipata), called in Pali, Lekha Sutta. However, this translation is also popular in Singapore and Sri Lanka.
Reference:
Anger Management Buddhist style: http://www.4ui.com/eart/178eart1.htm
Anger in context: http://www.burnfield.net/id14.htm
Anguttara Nikaya:
Tika Nipata: http://www.suttacentral.net/disp_sutta.php?subdivision_id=61&subdivision_name=Tika%20Nip%C4%81ta&collection_name=Pali&division=AN&acronym=3&type=Subdivision
Singapore:
There are three types of people: http://sdhammika.blogspot.ca/2010/03/there-are-three-types-of-people-in.html
Essential teachings of the Buddha: http://www.alexkhun.com/drupal79/node/68
Sri Lanka
Syndrome of hate: http://www.lankika.com/?p=7451
20101222
Heaven does not have any phones... (satire)
It'd be wonderful if Heaven had a helpline to call.
Yet the graves of loved ones sometimes go unseen by surviving members of the family and close friends.
Why? Because in Western society, we've been inculcated with a strong tabu against death, and a sometimes stronger motivation to seek eternal life.
Hence the intensive marketing and subversive propaganda by the media to embrace the youth culture.
In exchange for this, we have been socially conditioned to abhor religion, yet our spiritual needs are subverted to embrace secular consumerism with its risks (shopping, addictions) and benefits (instant gratification, closer communication with friends and loved ones).
Heaven has a more private and efficient communication system. Only, we have forgotten how to use it through social conditioning. And any suggestion to use that free system results in derision from the average consumer.
Indeed, prayer and meditation is that private personal way of calling heaven. It only takes an hour a week to develop the social network to help you to use this free system and to develop the skills to see your calls answered all the time in ways that not even a cellphone could do.
So try a prayer out, and have it answered immediately. All you would have to do is suspend disbelief during that call.
Yet the graves of loved ones sometimes go unseen by surviving members of the family and close friends.
Why? Because in Western society, we've been inculcated with a strong tabu against death, and a sometimes stronger motivation to seek eternal life.
Hence the intensive marketing and subversive propaganda by the media to embrace the youth culture.
In exchange for this, we have been socially conditioned to abhor religion, yet our spiritual needs are subverted to embrace secular consumerism with its risks (shopping, addictions) and benefits (instant gratification, closer communication with friends and loved ones).
Heaven has a more private and efficient communication system. Only, we have forgotten how to use it through social conditioning. And any suggestion to use that free system results in derision from the average consumer.
Indeed, prayer and meditation is that private personal way of calling heaven. It only takes an hour a week to develop the social network to help you to use this free system and to develop the skills to see your calls answered all the time in ways that not even a cellphone could do.
So try a prayer out, and have it answered immediately. All you would have to do is suspend disbelief during that call.
20101012
Laughter The Strongest Medicine on the Planet (humor)
"Laughter is one of the strongest medicines on the planet... If it's strong enough to kill an orgasm, surely it's strong enough to kill cancer." -- Lotus Weinstock
This is unauthorized memorial and remembrance dedicated to Lotus. It is based on my experiences watching two videos on Youtube, the first by Lotus and the second by her daughter, Lili, as well as reading Rob Weide's eulogy of her at his Duck Production website.
Fame for a comedian is like a degree to a doctor," Lotus would say. "You can't practice without it."
As a humorist, Lotus has the funny yet graceful humor, which tickles my funny bone. Her most funniest shtick was "How to Use Body Signals a Man Can't Resist". It was so funny that it endeared me to her.
As a humanist, she was willing to help out complete strangers, often homeless people, some of whom stole from her due to their own issues. Asked when she would stop to helping people who might steal from her, Lotus replied, "Until they don't need to steal anymore."
Later in life, Lotus remarked, "I used to want to save the world. Now I just want to leave the room with some dignity." Indeed, she lived in dignity, and her comedy acts treated others with dignity.
When a well-meaning deranged fan of hers wrote a threatening letter to Joan Rivers in response to Rivers declining to write a forward for Lotus' biography, only to have a bumbling private investigator morph her friend into a "drugged-out roommate" and incriminate her, just so Joan was getting her money's worth.
In actuality, Lotus was innocent of any wrong-doing and her friend was anything but a drug user.
Thanks, Lotus, your love lives on in the many lives you touched, through your caring towards strangers living in abject conditions, and through your comedy acts courtesy of Youtube.
"When I get to heaven's gate
and my life is reviewed,
I know that my saving grace
will be the love I have for you."
Lotus Weinstock, RIP 1943-1997
Reference:
A Lotus By Any Other Name: http://www.duckprods.com/weide/lotusremembrance.html
The Love I Have For You Playlist: http://www.youtube.com/user/sageb1#grid/user/13A28030411363DA
How to Use Body Signals A Man Can't Resist: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTDSGv4J8w
Lotus Weinstock: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3mI6AfstQM
Poetry in Motion LA 10-23-90 Lotus Weinstock: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BheUm_YiL0k
This is unauthorized memorial and remembrance dedicated to Lotus. It is based on my experiences watching two videos on Youtube, the first by Lotus and the second by her daughter, Lili, as well as reading Rob Weide's eulogy of her at his Duck Production website.
Fame for a comedian is like a degree to a doctor," Lotus would say. "You can't practice without it."
As a humorist, Lotus has the funny yet graceful humor, which tickles my funny bone. Her most funniest shtick was "How to Use Body Signals a Man Can't Resist". It was so funny that it endeared me to her.
As a humanist, she was willing to help out complete strangers, often homeless people, some of whom stole from her due to their own issues. Asked when she would stop to helping people who might steal from her, Lotus replied, "Until they don't need to steal anymore."
Later in life, Lotus remarked, "I used to want to save the world. Now I just want to leave the room with some dignity." Indeed, she lived in dignity, and her comedy acts treated others with dignity.
When a well-meaning deranged fan of hers wrote a threatening letter to Joan Rivers in response to Rivers declining to write a forward for Lotus' biography, only to have a bumbling private investigator morph her friend into a "drugged-out roommate" and incriminate her, just so Joan was getting her money's worth.
In actuality, Lotus was innocent of any wrong-doing and her friend was anything but a drug user.
Thanks, Lotus, your love lives on in the many lives you touched, through your caring towards strangers living in abject conditions, and through your comedy acts courtesy of Youtube.
"When I get to heaven's gate
and my life is reviewed,
I know that my saving grace
will be the love I have for you."
Lotus Weinstock, RIP 1943-1997
Reference:
A Lotus By Any Other Name: http://www.duckprods.com/weide/lotusremembrance.html
The Love I Have For You Playlist: http://www.youtube.com/user/sageb1#grid/user/13A28030411363DA
How to Use Body Signals A Man Can't Resist: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTDSGv4J8w
Lotus Weinstock: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3mI6AfstQM
Poetry in Motion LA 10-23-90 Lotus Weinstock: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BheUm_YiL0k
20100610
I Want to be Sedated!
In order to be tolerant of gay sex scenes, the wannabe liberal needs to be mildly sedated by antihistamines, rather than liberal wine imbibing.
Use of a suitable antihistamine, usually first generation, is to prevent nausea from the rocking motion during gay sex scenes, usually of the viewer due to stress of anxiety.
This is not an endorsement of antihistamine abuse, but of less harm during one's liberation of heterosexual conditioning.
YMMV
Use of a suitable antihistamine, usually first generation, is to prevent nausea from the rocking motion during gay sex scenes, usually of the viewer due to stress of anxiety.
This is not an endorsement of antihistamine abuse, but of less harm during one's liberation of heterosexual conditioning.
YMMV
20071029
Zaiboh Otaku: Cult of the Ghost in the Machine or ZeitGeist?
Zaiboh Otaku [zy'bo o-ta-k(oo)] : Cyber otaku, i.e. in
reference to a person who obsesses about computer and
cyberspace, to the point where she lives on-line, at times
never sleeping or eating properly for days.
20th-Century psychobabble refers to "computer addiction",
yet people who are supposedly addicted to computers are
actually habituated to a technological set and setting
where their obsessive-compulsive behavior is almost always
focused on computers, both on- and off-line various worlds
of cyberspace, ranging from a telephone chatline to a
single-line computer bulletin board system (BBS) to an
Internet service provider (ISP).
HISTORY OF 'INFO PIKE' GREW UP WITH CLINTON
In late Fall of 1993, during the presidential race in the United
States of America (USA), the Democratic Party's nominees for
president- and vice-president Bill Clinton and Al Gore won a
landslide victory over Republican incumbent George Bush due to their
high-tech backers on the West Coast, from Silicon Valley to the
Pacific Northwest. The Democratic platform fully embraced what
became known as the Information (Super)Highway, or simply: the Info
Pike.
After gaining the office of the President, Clinton proceeded to enact
bills pertaining to the Info Pike. One such act, the Communications
Decency Act (CDA) was not fully supported by Clinton, nor by Al Gore,
the chief policy-maker on making the Info Pike promise come true.
Instead, ignorant but well-meaning lobbyists who feared the negative
aspects of computers convinced various member of Congress to table a
bill in the House of Congress.
As it was originally written, the CDA was not well worded on what it
intended to do: clean up the Internet i.e. prevent the dessimination
of child pornography, hate literature, and obscenity on the Internet,
in effect policing the Info Pike like Orwellian thought police, all
in the name of truth, justice and the American way.
What followed was a backlash of grassroots protest on the Internet,
as website after website went "black" (i.e. displayed a black or
blank background as a show of solidarity against the monstrous child
of Senator Exon and his fellow right-wing Moral Majority and Feminazi
sycophants had begotten.
Later, the CDA was found lacking on several keys issues, mainly
violating the spirit of the First Amendment of the US Constitution,
and was declared by the Supreme Court to be invalid. In response,
the CDA proponents vowed to rewrite the bill and table it again
before Congress.
As it now stands, the CDA has influenced the Internet to clean up its
act. Where before it was easy to access pornography of different
strokes on BBSes, and on the Internet, today you would need proof of
legal age (using photocopies of ID or driver's licence). In
addition, the World Wide Web has cleaned up its act, resulting in an
ad-hoc, pay as you go system, and - in keeping with the law in local
communities - with warnings to children to stay out. However, the
protest against censorship on the 'Net has not abated despite the
unconstitional aspects of the dread CDA.
HOW THE OTAKU FIT INTO CYBERSPACE
The word 'otaku' is borrowed from the Japanese. Basically, it means
someone whose whole life revolved around a particular interest. The
roughest translation into English is 'hobbyist' or 'enthusiast.'
In the computer industry, the jargon dictionary refers to a special
interest group (SIG) for each aspect of the industry. For example,
the Forth SIG is for computer professionals and amateur hobbyists
alike to share ideas and discuss various aspects of programming in
the computer language Forth. There are also SIGs for hardware (e.g.
IBM SIG and ACORN SIG, as well as for software (ORACLE SIG and OS/2
SIG). SIGs may no longer use SIG as part of their title, especially
if they subscribe to various Usenet newsgroups such as
comp.language.forth, comp.hardware.ibm, comp.hardware.acorn,
comp.language.oracle, comp.programming.os2, and so on.
But sometimes the obsession gets out of hand, so otaku at one point
in the late 20th Century came to mean a fetishist or a mentally ill
person who obsesses about computers and/or pornography. This can be
traced to news articles in Japanese weeklies and on local TV news
show, which delight in sensationalizing the crime of the week.
However, not all otaku are corrupted by their obsessions. Thus, the
theft of the term 'otaku' by sensation-seeking journalists to
describe people who are actually broken and mixed-up people is
nothing more than bad journalism. They apply the term to a crime,
and denigrate its original meaning through their abuse, misuse and
overuse of the word.
OTAKU AND CYBER-PORN
Real otaku are most probably law-abiding citizens. And zaiboh otaku
are most likely as squeaky clean as the average Netizen. The people
who deal in the free exchange of pornography on the Internet are not
true otaku at all, but are either producers or users of obscene
material. The term used most often to describe such obscene and
pornographic material on the Internet is 'cyber-porn'. Most otaku
will have nothing to do with them, and -- as a result -- refuse to
subscribe to sex-related areas of the 'Net.
To claim that any attempt to cut down on net traffic that contains
mostly pornography is a violation of the unwritten rule of freedom of
expression, one must stretch the limitations of the First Amendment
of the US Constitution, which only applies to the cyber-porn
underground within the borders of America. Outside that limited
area, the laws of the local community connnected to the Internet may
apply. Thus, we may have places like Singapore and Malaysia where
the distribution of obscene materials is a capital offense, and other
places like the Netherlands where cyber-porn is almost freely
available.
Zaiboh otaku will do anything to remain free of the subtle influence
of cyber-porn. For true freedom makes demands of oneself in order to
avoid clinging to earthly distractions. One cannot properly commune
in cyberspace with the sometimes overpowering distractions of the
lusty side of human nature. As well, there may be government scams
in place to entrap weak-willed adventurers on the Info Pike. The
government is always willing to set up sting operations to tempt the
weak amongst all members of the 'Net. This can be thought of as a
weeding-out process. Anyone who can resist the temptation of the
erotic and the obscene on-line is probably fit to call herself zaiboh
otaku. Anyone whose resistance is weaker is otaku in name only, and
is to be avoided at all costs.
THE ROLE OF THE ZAIBOH OTAKU
True zaiboh otaku are seldom seen or heard. They may subscribe to
various newsgroups, visiting various websites, and engage in an
avocation within the computer industry; but seldom are they heard
from, if at all. However, when they do make themselves known, the
lesser otaku will know about it and even comment on each utterance of
the zaiboh otaku. Thus, we may read of the notorious zaiboh otaku
Kevin David Mitnick, a zaiboh ronin who began his illustrious career
sweet talking PacBell operators into letting him have free reign on
the local telephone switching exchanges of greater Los Angeles,
California.
By the time of his arrest around 1989, Mitnick was accused of
stealing the DEC VAX operating system source code. As well, he was
convicted for illegal use of computer resources at a local education
institution. Instead of being made a lesson to other otaku foolish
enough to succumb to the dark side of hacking, Mitnick was allowed to
go on probation and seek counselling in a 12-step program for his
computer 'addiction.'
Again, in early 1995 Mitnick was arrested, this time for illegal use
of cellular phone service, possible computer theft and illegal use of
computer resources. However, it is unknown if he was the author of
the break-in of the San Diego Supercomputer machine belonging to his
rival Tsutomu Shimomura. The U.S. government would want us to
believe otherwise.
ZAIBOH OTAKU: SAMURAI AND RONIN
Recently, with the publishing of not one but three books on the
Shimomura versus Mitnick 'takedown', the public has gotten hold of
different versions of the latest trail leading to the arrest and
capture of zaiboh ronin Mitnick in February 1995. Out of these three
versions, supposed of the true story, only one book is a good read;
the rest are destined for the remainder bin in some discount
bookstore chain. This book is Jeff Goodell's The Cyberthief and the
Samurai: the true story of Kevin Mitnick - and the man who hunted him
down (Dell 1996). The other two books are forgettable, and bad
journalism to boot, especially the collaborative effort of Shimomura
and John Markoff.
Markoff claims in the latter book that he wrote Cyberpunk, but omits
the fact that his ex-wife Katie Hafner wrote most of Cyberpunk - he
only supplied the source for each section in the book. You can tell
Hafner's book is written by her by her liberal characterization of
each 'dark-side' hacker in negative terms. In an Esquire article in
1995, Hafner interviewed a Mitnick associate, fellow zaiboh ronin
Susie Thunder and tinged her journalistic effort yellow in the
process. The article neglected to mention the human side of Mitnick,
which Thunder told her about, and made out Susie to be nothing more
than a conniving whore.
Later, at the Las Vegas hacker convention DefCon '95 in Las Vegas,
Susie was subjected to sexual harrassment by wannabes and
subsequently went underground in early 1996. As a prank, some lamer
at the conventionput a crude sign on her back that read: "I give
blowjobs". This was probably inspired by Hafner's Esquire article,
in which she records Susie contemplating making some easy money.
OF OTAKU WANNABES AND OVERCOMING THE MINDSET OF PATRIARCHISM
This is typical of otaku wannabes who have been brainwashed by the
subliminal propaganda of patriarchism. Despite her unfortunate birth
and early exposure to drugs and sex as a street urchin growing up in
Southern California (SoCal), Susie Thunder is today a street-smart
woman.
It is the fact that she is a woman and better adept at subversive
psychology than most male wannabes are at social engineering that has
made her reviled in cyberspace.
The fascism of sexism makes weak-willed men always willing to walk
all over women's rights, and intimidate intelligent women into
submission. On the Info Pike, this is accomplished through
offensive flames, intimidating mailbomb campaigns, and other forms
of disruptive behavior. It is pointless to analyze such behavior
and rationalize it away. This is not the way of the zaiboh otaku.
Once on-line, no one knows your true gender. Therefore, the
on-going polarization by gender is likewise counter-productive to
the co-evolution of the sexes, especially on the 'Net. Equality of
the sexes is only possible when we realize that once you strip away
reseverations and bare your soul, your humanity is the only dignity
left.
Thus the true zaiboh otaku has the right to refuse to state her
gender unless the current group obeys the unwritten rule that no form
of subliminal gender warfare and conquest will take place without her
consent. Any male who does not first request permission to practise
a limited form of such a wargame, limited by her rules, should be
exposed for the sexist pig he truly is. Any woman who compromises
herself by playing along with otaku wannabes who mindlessly cling to
their oppressively sexist mindsets are only continuing the
setting-sun principles of patriarchy, and are thus not worthy of
being called otaku. There are cruder words for them and their kind.
However, abusive name-calling of lesser otaku on the Info Pike is a
waste of computer resources.
THE FUTURE OF ZAIBOH OTAKU
In order to consolidate precious computer resources, the zaiboh otaku
learns the Keep It Simple Stupid (KISS) philosophy. This simple
philosophy governs his programming style, his interaction with other
like-minded otaku, be they zaibo ronin or samurai or mundane lesser
otaku. Complex social interaction is beyond him, yet he knows enough
of psychology to understand why a poseur may find his Machiavellian
machinations a tad bit too much.
At times, his every action may seem cold, calculating and cruel; but
when the heat is on, the true zaiboh otaku becomes like water, and
goes with the flow. To the unenlightened wannabe, this seems like
mystical doublespeak. To the learned ronin or samurai, this is only
the beginning of a new reality.
If we allow ourselves to cling to the setting-sun ways of over 3,000
years of sexist oppression and violent warfare, then we are no better
off than our Neanderthal ancestors immediately prior to their
assimilation by the Cro Magnon. If we continue to believe the
bald-face lies that capitalism has taught us over the past 160 years,
then our honor will be compromised by the biggest scam since the
Green-card caper over four years ago.
IN PRAISE OF THE ZAIBOH HEROINES
The lies spread by John Markoff and other people of his kind have
done nothing good for cyberspace. Instead, it has lead to such
things as the CDA and the capture of Mitnick, as well as celebrating
Mark Lottor in a unmentioned Internet magazine that is now losing
money, and throwing snipes at its web site, whose staff sit in an
air-conditioned office while their hardcopy compatriots sweat over
each money-losing deadline. We'll forget 'Eric Heinz' and his
silicone augmented girlfriend.
Instead we will not forget such fallen heroines of the Info Pike as:
Redmond Rose, the author of most good things
to come out of Microsoft since 1991, whose story is chronicled in
Fear and Loathing at Microsoft. However, Microsoft refuses to
compensate her for the suffering they caused her, citing EEOC
judgement in their favor as well as bogus harassment charges against
her. Even the local Redmond police were probably on the Microsoft
payrolls during much of the time this case took place.
Susie Thunder, whose career spans two decades, from
her early days as drug user to hooker to masseuse to security
consultant, and later, Tradewars fanatic. Currently underground, and
no longer readily accessible on the 'Net, she continues to struggle
against the tangible oppression of an openly patriarchal society that
has only empty promise of global emancipation for women, and reserves
scorn for any intelligent woman who dares to openly challenge the
male-dominated status quo that is the domain of free-market capitalism.
All the women in cyberspace who have been harassed and intimidated into
submission on-line — if only for speaking their minds — by
piggish men thinking with the wrong head just like their male
antecedents before them are truly zaiboh otaku.
(This article is in no way a treatise for left-wing politics nor for
socialism. Instead it is inspired by the Hacker Ethics, which serves
as the moral code of Cyberspace.)
reference to a person who obsesses about computer and
cyberspace, to the point where she lives on-line, at times
never sleeping or eating properly for days.
20th-Century psychobabble refers to "computer addiction",
yet people who are supposedly addicted to computers are
actually habituated to a technological set and setting
where their obsessive-compulsive behavior is almost always
focused on computers, both on- and off-line various worlds
of cyberspace, ranging from a telephone chatline to a
single-line computer bulletin board system (BBS) to an
Internet service provider (ISP).
HISTORY OF 'INFO PIKE' GREW UP WITH CLINTON
In late Fall of 1993, during the presidential race in the United
States of America (USA), the Democratic Party's nominees for
president- and vice-president Bill Clinton and Al Gore won a
landslide victory over Republican incumbent George Bush due to their
high-tech backers on the West Coast, from Silicon Valley to the
Pacific Northwest. The Democratic platform fully embraced what
became known as the Information (Super)Highway, or simply: the Info
Pike.
After gaining the office of the President, Clinton proceeded to enact
bills pertaining to the Info Pike. One such act, the Communications
Decency Act (CDA) was not fully supported by Clinton, nor by Al Gore,
the chief policy-maker on making the Info Pike promise come true.
Instead, ignorant but well-meaning lobbyists who feared the negative
aspects of computers convinced various member of Congress to table a
bill in the House of Congress.
As it was originally written, the CDA was not well worded on what it
intended to do: clean up the Internet i.e. prevent the dessimination
of child pornography, hate literature, and obscenity on the Internet,
in effect policing the Info Pike like Orwellian thought police, all
in the name of truth, justice and the American way.
What followed was a backlash of grassroots protest on the Internet,
as website after website went "black" (i.e. displayed a black or
blank background as a show of solidarity against the monstrous child
of Senator Exon and his fellow right-wing Moral Majority and Feminazi
sycophants had begotten.
Later, the CDA was found lacking on several keys issues, mainly
violating the spirit of the First Amendment of the US Constitution,
and was declared by the Supreme Court to be invalid. In response,
the CDA proponents vowed to rewrite the bill and table it again
before Congress.
As it now stands, the CDA has influenced the Internet to clean up its
act. Where before it was easy to access pornography of different
strokes on BBSes, and on the Internet, today you would need proof of
legal age (using photocopies of ID or driver's licence). In
addition, the World Wide Web has cleaned up its act, resulting in an
ad-hoc, pay as you go system, and - in keeping with the law in local
communities - with warnings to children to stay out. However, the
protest against censorship on the 'Net has not abated despite the
unconstitional aspects of the dread CDA.
HOW THE OTAKU FIT INTO CYBERSPACE
The word 'otaku' is borrowed from the Japanese. Basically, it means
someone whose whole life revolved around a particular interest. The
roughest translation into English is 'hobbyist' or 'enthusiast.'
In the computer industry, the jargon dictionary refers to a special
interest group (SIG) for each aspect of the industry. For example,
the Forth SIG is for computer professionals and amateur hobbyists
alike to share ideas and discuss various aspects of programming in
the computer language Forth. There are also SIGs for hardware (e.g.
IBM SIG and ACORN SIG, as well as for software (ORACLE SIG and OS/2
SIG). SIGs may no longer use SIG as part of their title, especially
if they subscribe to various Usenet newsgroups such as
comp.language.forth, comp.hardware.ibm, comp.hardware.acorn,
comp.language.oracle, comp.programming.os2, and so on.
But sometimes the obsession gets out of hand, so otaku at one point
in the late 20th Century came to mean a fetishist or a mentally ill
person who obsesses about computers and/or pornography. This can be
traced to news articles in Japanese weeklies and on local TV news
show, which delight in sensationalizing the crime of the week.
However, not all otaku are corrupted by their obsessions. Thus, the
theft of the term 'otaku' by sensation-seeking journalists to
describe people who are actually broken and mixed-up people is
nothing more than bad journalism. They apply the term to a crime,
and denigrate its original meaning through their abuse, misuse and
overuse of the word.
OTAKU AND CYBER-PORN
Real otaku are most probably law-abiding citizens. And zaiboh otaku
are most likely as squeaky clean as the average Netizen. The people
who deal in the free exchange of pornography on the Internet are not
true otaku at all, but are either producers or users of obscene
material. The term used most often to describe such obscene and
pornographic material on the Internet is 'cyber-porn'. Most otaku
will have nothing to do with them, and -- as a result -- refuse to
subscribe to sex-related areas of the 'Net.
To claim that any attempt to cut down on net traffic that contains
mostly pornography is a violation of the unwritten rule of freedom of
expression, one must stretch the limitations of the First Amendment
of the US Constitution, which only applies to the cyber-porn
underground within the borders of America. Outside that limited
area, the laws of the local community connnected to the Internet may
apply. Thus, we may have places like Singapore and Malaysia where
the distribution of obscene materials is a capital offense, and other
places like the Netherlands where cyber-porn is almost freely
available.
Zaiboh otaku will do anything to remain free of the subtle influence
of cyber-porn. For true freedom makes demands of oneself in order to
avoid clinging to earthly distractions. One cannot properly commune
in cyberspace with the sometimes overpowering distractions of the
lusty side of human nature. As well, there may be government scams
in place to entrap weak-willed adventurers on the Info Pike. The
government is always willing to set up sting operations to tempt the
weak amongst all members of the 'Net. This can be thought of as a
weeding-out process. Anyone who can resist the temptation of the
erotic and the obscene on-line is probably fit to call herself zaiboh
otaku. Anyone whose resistance is weaker is otaku in name only, and
is to be avoided at all costs.
THE ROLE OF THE ZAIBOH OTAKU
True zaiboh otaku are seldom seen or heard. They may subscribe to
various newsgroups, visiting various websites, and engage in an
avocation within the computer industry; but seldom are they heard
from, if at all. However, when they do make themselves known, the
lesser otaku will know about it and even comment on each utterance of
the zaiboh otaku. Thus, we may read of the notorious zaiboh otaku
Kevin David Mitnick, a zaiboh ronin who began his illustrious career
sweet talking PacBell operators into letting him have free reign on
the local telephone switching exchanges of greater Los Angeles,
California.
By the time of his arrest around 1989, Mitnick was accused of
stealing the DEC VAX operating system source code. As well, he was
convicted for illegal use of computer resources at a local education
institution. Instead of being made a lesson to other otaku foolish
enough to succumb to the dark side of hacking, Mitnick was allowed to
go on probation and seek counselling in a 12-step program for his
computer 'addiction.'
Again, in early 1995 Mitnick was arrested, this time for illegal use
of cellular phone service, possible computer theft and illegal use of
computer resources. However, it is unknown if he was the author of
the break-in of the San Diego Supercomputer machine belonging to his
rival Tsutomu Shimomura. The U.S. government would want us to
believe otherwise.
ZAIBOH OTAKU: SAMURAI AND RONIN
Recently, with the publishing of not one but three books on the
Shimomura versus Mitnick 'takedown', the public has gotten hold of
different versions of the latest trail leading to the arrest and
capture of zaiboh ronin Mitnick in February 1995. Out of these three
versions, supposed of the true story, only one book is a good read;
the rest are destined for the remainder bin in some discount
bookstore chain. This book is Jeff Goodell's The Cyberthief and the
Samurai: the true story of Kevin Mitnick - and the man who hunted him
down (Dell 1996). The other two books are forgettable, and bad
journalism to boot, especially the collaborative effort of Shimomura
and John Markoff.
Markoff claims in the latter book that he wrote Cyberpunk, but omits
the fact that his ex-wife Katie Hafner wrote most of Cyberpunk - he
only supplied the source for each section in the book. You can tell
Hafner's book is written by her by her liberal characterization of
each 'dark-side' hacker in negative terms. In an Esquire article in
1995, Hafner interviewed a Mitnick associate, fellow zaiboh ronin
Susie Thunder and tinged her journalistic effort yellow in the
process. The article neglected to mention the human side of Mitnick,
which Thunder told her about, and made out Susie to be nothing more
than a conniving whore.
Later, at the Las Vegas hacker convention DefCon '95 in Las Vegas,
Susie was subjected to sexual harrassment by wannabes and
subsequently went underground in early 1996. As a prank, some lamer
at the conventionput a crude sign on her back that read: "I give
blowjobs". This was probably inspired by Hafner's Esquire article,
in which she records Susie contemplating making some easy money.
OF OTAKU WANNABES AND OVERCOMING THE MINDSET OF PATRIARCHISM
This is typical of otaku wannabes who have been brainwashed by the
subliminal propaganda of patriarchism. Despite her unfortunate birth
and early exposure to drugs and sex as a street urchin growing up in
Southern California (SoCal), Susie Thunder is today a street-smart
woman.
It is the fact that she is a woman and better adept at subversive
psychology than most male wannabes are at social engineering that has
made her reviled in cyberspace.
The fascism of sexism makes weak-willed men always willing to walk
all over women's rights, and intimidate intelligent women into
submission. On the Info Pike, this is accomplished through
offensive flames, intimidating mailbomb campaigns, and other forms
of disruptive behavior. It is pointless to analyze such behavior
and rationalize it away. This is not the way of the zaiboh otaku.
Once on-line, no one knows your true gender. Therefore, the
on-going polarization by gender is likewise counter-productive to
the co-evolution of the sexes, especially on the 'Net. Equality of
the sexes is only possible when we realize that once you strip away
reseverations and bare your soul, your humanity is the only dignity
left.
Thus the true zaiboh otaku has the right to refuse to state her
gender unless the current group obeys the unwritten rule that no form
of subliminal gender warfare and conquest will take place without her
consent. Any male who does not first request permission to practise
a limited form of such a wargame, limited by her rules, should be
exposed for the sexist pig he truly is. Any woman who compromises
herself by playing along with otaku wannabes who mindlessly cling to
their oppressively sexist mindsets are only continuing the
setting-sun principles of patriarchy, and are thus not worthy of
being called otaku. There are cruder words for them and their kind.
However, abusive name-calling of lesser otaku on the Info Pike is a
waste of computer resources.
THE FUTURE OF ZAIBOH OTAKU
In order to consolidate precious computer resources, the zaiboh otaku
learns the Keep It Simple Stupid (KISS) philosophy. This simple
philosophy governs his programming style, his interaction with other
like-minded otaku, be they zaibo ronin or samurai or mundane lesser
otaku. Complex social interaction is beyond him, yet he knows enough
of psychology to understand why a poseur may find his Machiavellian
machinations a tad bit too much.
At times, his every action may seem cold, calculating and cruel; but
when the heat is on, the true zaiboh otaku becomes like water, and
goes with the flow. To the unenlightened wannabe, this seems like
mystical doublespeak. To the learned ronin or samurai, this is only
the beginning of a new reality.
If we allow ourselves to cling to the setting-sun ways of over 3,000
years of sexist oppression and violent warfare, then we are no better
off than our Neanderthal ancestors immediately prior to their
assimilation by the Cro Magnon. If we continue to believe the
bald-face lies that capitalism has taught us over the past 160 years,
then our honor will be compromised by the biggest scam since the
Green-card caper over four years ago.
IN PRAISE OF THE ZAIBOH HEROINES
The lies spread by John Markoff and other people of his kind have
done nothing good for cyberspace. Instead, it has lead to such
things as the CDA and the capture of Mitnick, as well as celebrating
Mark Lottor in a unmentioned Internet magazine that is now losing
money, and throwing snipes at its web site, whose staff sit in an
air-conditioned office while their hardcopy compatriots sweat over
each money-losing deadline. We'll forget 'Eric Heinz' and his
silicone augmented girlfriend.
Instead we will not forget such fallen heroines of the Info Pike as:
Redmond Rose, the author of most good things
to come out of Microsoft since 1991, whose story is chronicled in
Fear and Loathing at Microsoft. However, Microsoft refuses to
compensate her for the suffering they caused her, citing EEOC
judgement in their favor as well as bogus harassment charges against
her. Even the local Redmond police were probably on the Microsoft
payrolls during much of the time this case took place.
Susie Thunder, whose career spans two decades, from
her early days as drug user to hooker to masseuse to security
consultant, and later, Tradewars fanatic. Currently underground, and
no longer readily accessible on the 'Net, she continues to struggle
against the tangible oppression of an openly patriarchal society that
has only empty promise of global emancipation for women, and reserves
scorn for any intelligent woman who dares to openly challenge the
male-dominated status quo that is the domain of free-market capitalism.
All the women in cyberspace who have been harassed and intimidated into
submission on-line — if only for speaking their minds — by
piggish men thinking with the wrong head just like their male
antecedents before them are truly zaiboh otaku.
(This article is in no way a treatise for left-wing politics nor for
socialism. Instead it is inspired by the Hacker Ethics, which serves
as the moral code of Cyberspace.)
20070502
My Dad Died Today
Word up: control your anger or get a stroke. My dad suffered 12 years as a stroke victim. What a winer!
What I learned from observations of my father over the years:
If alcoholism leads you to be anxious in crowds, then it's in your best interest to discuss it with your doctor and find ways of getting backbone other than through the bottle.
Never think retirement means sitting in front of the TV watching sports drinking beer and beating on the wife. It also means that you have to do better than just help your friends. I mean, your wife is your first friend, aint she?
Don't ever make fun of any of your kids, especially the odd one out.
If one of your kid wants to run away from home and be a monk, then you should be honored by his hidden compassion and bizarre wisdom. It really isn't a shame when someone actually cares about the world than what he or she can get out of it.
If you do the "dumb farmer" routine too much, then all those elementary school successes will be forgotten.
If you're pissing against a building in what used to be Japtown, it really impresses the factory worker to turn around and say, "Wanna a piece of me?"
So the WW1 veteran was the only guy in Vernon who 'd take Gramma's money for the new digs after the war? And you guys had to wait until 1949 before they'd let you near the coast? Maybe this explains Clubvibes.
After 30 years of living with my folks, I've learned that whatever the Western world sees as bizarre behavior in the Japanese diasphora is actually the BS of shame, and Japan itself today is living in interesting times, indeed.
My best memory is bawling my head until my mom came out to scold me for waking her up. My dad and I bonded just before he went off to the sawmill to work. That is the ideal memory I have of him. Everything else basically shows how much of a sense of humor God has with the Japanese.
20070208
I am a habahobi wasabi! I am sizzling!
February 8, 2007:
Haba - from hapa, Hawaiian for half-breed, a Pidgin English word used by half-blooded Hawaiians who are increasingly multiracial.
Hobi - from Hopi, the only tribe in America which might be of mixed Japanese and native American blood.
wasabi - a bitter root which is vey spicy and used to ward off food poisoning while eating wasabi. It goes well with sliced ginger and soy sauce.
A habahobi is a person who is of native and Japanese extraction or a Japanese who loves native culture.
A wasabi is an Asian male who knows he's hot and spicey.
Thus am I proud to be a habahobi wasabi!
February 1, 2013: Sometimes I come up with these zingers out of left field.
If I were to define myself right now, then it'll be the wasabi flower.
Haba - from hapa, Hawaiian for half-breed, a Pidgin English word used by half-blooded Hawaiians who are increasingly multiracial.
Hobi - from Hopi, the only tribe in America which might be of mixed Japanese and native American blood.
wasabi - a bitter root which is vey spicy and used to ward off food poisoning while eating wasabi. It goes well with sliced ginger and soy sauce.
A habahobi is a person who is of native and Japanese extraction or a Japanese who loves native culture.
A wasabi is an Asian male who knows he's hot and spicey.
Thus am I proud to be a habahobi wasabi!
February 1, 2013: Sometimes I come up with these zingers out of left field.
If I were to define myself right now, then it'll be the wasabi flower.
20070106
What if the Bushes were arrested... (humor)
What if the Bushes were arrested for crimes against the state, this is how I wish the intake interview to their clinic visit should go:
"get with the picture, mr bush. you're a pathological liar and a sociopath."
"but i did get rehab for my drug addiction!"
"sorry, mr bush. there is no rehab for being a sociopath. you'll just have to wake up and smell the coffee."
"i am on decaf. see, my hands don't shake."
"do you still drink, mr. president?"
"i plead the 5th!"
to mrs bush: "did u really kill your first boyfriend?"
"you're insane, young man! i loved my first boyfriend."
"not in my clinic, mr president and ms bush. we're going to medicate you for crimes against the American people."
mr bush: "that's unconstitutional, young man."
mrs bush: "jeb had this problem with his daughter, dear. we might as well go along with it. it beats being executed. like that saddam man and also bin laden."
"Sir?"
[bush hangs head in hands] "Will nothing happen to my daughters?"
"We'll find nice Democrats for them, Sir."
Mrs Bush: "Oh the shame!!"
Mr.Bush: "That's not in the agreement i signed when we got placed in your dang clinic, young man."
"You forgot to read the fine print, Sir."
Mrs Bush: "I read that document; there were no such words that signed our daughters over to the Democrats."
"D.C. is a different place with the Global Caliphate in charge, Sir. For example, we could have made guinea pigs of them for their alcoholism."
Mrs Bush starts to cry. "George, do something!"
MrBush: "I am not the President anymore, dear."
Intake clerk speaks in Arabic.
MrBush: "Pardon?"
"I merely wished you welcome to my clinic, Sir."
MrsBush: "It'd help if people still spoke English around us."
Intake clerk speaks in Arabic to Mrs Bush.
Mrs Bush: "Young man, don't use that tone of voice around me. I don't need to know no Muslim lingo to know when you are demeaning women."
"I merely wished you well as all Muslim men wish their women, Ma'am."
MrBush: "As for the medication, what are they gonna use for the execution?"
"This isn't an execution. Khalif Mohamed declared that the Bushes were to be chemically neutralized but not killed."
MrsBush [hysterically]: "They're going to lobotomize us chemically, George. That's so un-American!"
Mr.Bush: "What are the meds, young man?"
Mrs.Bush [crying]
"Sir, we could only afford seroquel at 50 mg TID."
Mrs.Bush: "English please!"
"Up to 200 mg of seroquel a day, Ma'am."
Mr.Bush: "Is that better than klonopin?"
"Ahh... well you don't drool as much!"
Mrs.Bush: "Will we get fat, and lose our hair?"
"Not before you two die quietly in another 10-14 yrs."
MrsBush [crying]: "My looks!!"
MrBush: "Who gets our daughters again?"
"The Democrats from San Fernando, Sir."
MrBush: "Why not Austin or Houston?"
"We nuked Texas."
MrsBush cries and wails: "They wiped Texas off the map!"
Intake clerk wishes the Bushes well in Arabic, and ushers them away.
[fade to black]
"get with the picture, mr bush. you're a pathological liar and a sociopath."
"but i did get rehab for my drug addiction!"
"sorry, mr bush. there is no rehab for being a sociopath. you'll just have to wake up and smell the coffee."
"i am on decaf. see, my hands don't shake."
"do you still drink, mr. president?"
"i plead the 5th!"
to mrs bush: "did u really kill your first boyfriend?"
"you're insane, young man! i loved my first boyfriend."
"not in my clinic, mr president and ms bush. we're going to medicate you for crimes against the American people."
mr bush: "that's unconstitutional, young man."
mrs bush: "jeb had this problem with his daughter, dear. we might as well go along with it. it beats being executed. like that saddam man and also bin laden."
"Sir?"
[bush hangs head in hands] "Will nothing happen to my daughters?"
"We'll find nice Democrats for them, Sir."
Mrs Bush: "Oh the shame!!"
Mr.Bush: "That's not in the agreement i signed when we got placed in your dang clinic, young man."
"You forgot to read the fine print, Sir."
Mrs Bush: "I read that document; there were no such words that signed our daughters over to the Democrats."
"D.C. is a different place with the Global Caliphate in charge, Sir. For example, we could have made guinea pigs of them for their alcoholism."
Mrs Bush starts to cry. "George, do something!"
MrBush: "I am not the President anymore, dear."
Intake clerk speaks in Arabic.
MrBush: "Pardon?"
"I merely wished you welcome to my clinic, Sir."
MrsBush: "It'd help if people still spoke English around us."
Intake clerk speaks in Arabic to Mrs Bush.
Mrs Bush: "Young man, don't use that tone of voice around me. I don't need to know no Muslim lingo to know when you are demeaning women."
"I merely wished you well as all Muslim men wish their women, Ma'am."
MrBush: "As for the medication, what are they gonna use for the execution?"
"This isn't an execution. Khalif Mohamed declared that the Bushes were to be chemically neutralized but not killed."
MrsBush [hysterically]: "They're going to lobotomize us chemically, George. That's so un-American!"
Mr.Bush: "What are the meds, young man?"
Mrs.Bush [crying]
"Sir, we could only afford seroquel at 50 mg TID."
Mrs.Bush: "English please!"
"Up to 200 mg of seroquel a day, Ma'am."
Mr.Bush: "Is that better than klonopin?"
"Ahh... well you don't drool as much!"
Mrs.Bush: "Will we get fat, and lose our hair?"
"Not before you two die quietly in another 10-14 yrs."
MrsBush [crying]: "My looks!!"
MrBush: "Who gets our daughters again?"
"The Democrats from San Fernando, Sir."
MrBush: "Why not Austin or Houston?"
"We nuked Texas."
MrsBush cries and wails: "They wiped Texas off the map!"
Intake clerk wishes the Bushes well in Arabic, and ushers them away.
[fade to black]
20061212
How to Answer Online Psych Tests (humor)
The above "normal" profile was made by clicking on NO to all the questions.
This is how you pass as normal in an abnormal world: total denial.
20060320
The Stephen Harper Song Lyrics Collection (Humor)
CHANGING OF THE GUARDS (Bob Dylan)
FOOL ON THE HILL (The Beatles)
RAW POWER / I'M A CONSERVATIVE (Iggy Pop)
ARMY OF ME (Bjork)
WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN (Louis Armstrong)
AMERICA, FUCK YEAH (Trey Parker)
ROCK THE CASBAH (The Clash)
FIXING A HOLE (The Beatles)
IT'S RAINING MEN (The Weather Girls)
FOOL ON THE HILL (The Beatles)
RAW POWER / I'M A CONSERVATIVE (Iggy Pop)
ARMY OF ME (Bjork)
WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN (Louis Armstrong)
AMERICA, FUCK YEAH (Trey Parker)
ROCK THE CASBAH (The Clash)
FIXING A HOLE (The Beatles)
IT'S RAINING MEN (The Weather Girls)
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