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Street Survival: Whatever Works (satire)

I firmly believe that the only way for me to survive on the streets, is to be harmless and not a threaten to anyone. However, I say this as a small person who physically is not a threat to anyone at all.

This means, do not argue with the aggressor. Show your hands. In most cases, you will be left alone.

Yet I know of a few tall men who get picked on occasionally in the rougher suburbs of Vancouver by men who are so intimidated by men taller than themselves that their fear morphs into aggressive behavior which is inappropriate to social norms and violates the rules governing civil behavior.

Even though I may know the motives of the aggressors, and take pity on their victims, who considered it beneath their dignity to fall for the ruse but are physically capable of defending themselves, I point them out not out of criticism but out of one question, "Why?"

Any person who picks a fight on a person, regardless of size would reply, "Because I can."

It is not worth my time to argue against this kind of logic since it all too often leads to a fight.

Instead, I am now going to discuss two types of self-defense, the first of which requires speed and a lot of hiding places which provide enough safety to call for help and the second, a corner and a very strong will to live.

The number one rule in both forms of self defense is maintain distance between your self and the aggressor. No matter how much psychological warfare he uses through insults and verbal forms of aggression, maintain the advantage by not falling for it. Tell him to keep his distance.

For the first form of self-defense is called "run and hide". It assumes that the person under attack knows all the hiding places which will provide up to 30 minutes of safety.

A stairway in a building is a good example but the person must be willing to climb flights of stairs during those critical 30 minutes. Even better is a secured place with a door for which the person has a key but that still assumes that the aggressor is far enough away to unlock, close and lock the door. This assumes that the person under attack has the physical stamina to climb a lot of stairs. It also assumes that the person knows the physical layout of each level of the building.

My reason for a hiding place providing 30 minutes of safety is that is the minimum time it takes for the police to arrive when calling 9-11.

Another variant of "run and hide" is called "Frogger" and requires being near a stream of city traffic and agility. When under attack you dance into traffic, avoiding cars and trucks, and try to time things so that the aggressor abandons pursuit. This requires agility as not all drivers will stop and honk when a person is blocking traffic. This variant is also called "run and hide in plain sight". ;)

In the second form of self-defense, this is called "backed in a corner". It requires the person to fight off his aggressor, and is a no-win scenario if the aggressor is bigger than he is, or has a weapon. However, the tactic to use in the no-win scenario is to use psychological warfare to 1) show you have no weapon, and 2) appeal to the ego of the aggressor to fight a fair fight and engage in fair play. In such a scenario, there is no margin of safety at all. :o

However, more psychological warfare may be done to give the person under attack an advantage.

Another variant of this kind of self defense is called "chicken plucking" and involves the person under attack to remove articles of outer clothing to demonstrate to the aggressor what a fair fight involves. >:)

If you want to avoid robbers, when you see a person who has been following you for fifteen minutes, then walk towards him. Few robbers will attack a person face to face, since you have seen their face. "Run and hide" will only work if you know the neighborhood.

As for avoiding being mugged, act paranoid. A mugger needs the element of surprise.

Originally posted on November 28, 201 at 7:41 PM

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