In child development, the child first enters the paranoid-schizoid position. Alone yet dependent on his mother or caregiver to which he's bonded, he learns good from bad, and what is appropriate.
Later, as he matures, he enters the depressive position, and may regress to the first position at times of stress, but overall, remains depressive.
Ergo there is no escape from depression. One just has to become whole to resist temptation to give up on oneself and commit suicide.
In order not to become a quitter, one has to undergo a holism of the personality. In order not to be a quitter, one nurtures both aspects of the inner psyche.
If a man, both the masculine and feminine elements of the personality are nurtured. In this way a man does not have to chase the inner feminine by marrying women to satisfy the deep inner need to be whole.
Instead, by nurturing both aspects of the personality, one becomes whole and may choose to seek a healthy relationship without the need to seek the opposite sex to feel whole.
IMHO depression is normal. What is abnormal is giving up on oneself because of a lack of wholeness.
It may be simplistic to believe that suicide might be due to a personality which appears not to be whole, but IMHO it beats the routine of booking into Emergency if it gets to that point.
If you feel non-attachment to depression, that's a start. However, it's a fallacy to conclude that non-self is the same as nihilism.
For deep sadness arising from depression is an opportunity to become more than just being yourself. It provides inspiration to become whole and complete.
In that journey, one never gives in to despair because one nurtures both the inner feminine and inner masculine parts of his or her personality, thus becoming whole and complete.
To better illustrate what this entails, the concept of yin and yang may be necessary: both one's inner feminine and inner masculine qualities need to be nurtured to become whole and complete as a person. A study of taoism may be necessary to introduce oneself to the idea. However, if one is more attuned to a Western outlook on life, then there are plenty of self-help texts incorporating such holism in a manner amenable to one's particular tastes.
All it takes is the courage to change the things one can, especially the tendency to overemphasize one's gender to the detriment of being whole and complete.
Showing posts with label masculinity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label masculinity. Show all posts
20070615
Masculinity and Femininity and Their Influence on the GLBT Community
It is not masculinity that is patriarchal. Rather, it is extreme forms of masculinity that enforce patriarchal memes.
Indeed, most of the typically male ideals of behavior are actually distortions of masculinity as are some of the behaviors of gay males. This includes aggressiveness.
As well, gay rights was enhanced by masculinity's traits because the pro-active movement was spearheaded by men who had acquired some masculine traits such as assertness and reward-seeking behaviors.
In short, gay rights came about because both men and women acted "male" to gain respect of the heterosexual patriarchy.
A good example of this "male pride" is pants: both men and women wear them now.
Of course, now that gays are here to stay, perhaps it's time to bring a little femininity to this parade. Motherhood gives lesbian couples children, but gay male couples have to adopt. While both of them are willing to push the baby carriage, only women can be mothers. Yet this is not sexist; this is a medical fact which can only affect women.
Femininity is mixed up with motherhood and the gross aspects of pregnancy from conception to birth. Indeed, no male has conceived a child.
While masculinity is the root of patriarchy and gay rights, femininity is allowing lesbians to become mothers in same-sex marriages while gay men will continue to be fathers to their adopted offspring.
But just as men fathered patriarchy, gay men fathered gay rights. Though it will be the women who become the mother in all same-sex marriage if they so choose to be.
Indeed, most of the typically male ideals of behavior are actually distortions of masculinity as are some of the behaviors of gay males. This includes aggressiveness.
As well, gay rights was enhanced by masculinity's traits because the pro-active movement was spearheaded by men who had acquired some masculine traits such as assertness and reward-seeking behaviors.
In short, gay rights came about because both men and women acted "male" to gain respect of the heterosexual patriarchy.
A good example of this "male pride" is pants: both men and women wear them now.
Of course, now that gays are here to stay, perhaps it's time to bring a little femininity to this parade. Motherhood gives lesbian couples children, but gay male couples have to adopt. While both of them are willing to push the baby carriage, only women can be mothers. Yet this is not sexist; this is a medical fact which can only affect women.
Femininity is mixed up with motherhood and the gross aspects of pregnancy from conception to birth. Indeed, no male has conceived a child.
While masculinity is the root of patriarchy and gay rights, femininity is allowing lesbians to become mothers in same-sex marriages while gay men will continue to be fathers to their adopted offspring.
But just as men fathered patriarchy, gay men fathered gay rights. Though it will be the women who become the mother in all same-sex marriage if they so choose to be.
Overcoming the Patriarchy: a Man's View
"There are many characteristics of traditional masculinity that are positive and beneficial: being strong, courageous, willing to work hard and willing to sacrifice oneself to protect family and society in times of danger. And many masculine characteristics appear to be protective factors that help men to be at reduced risk for developing anxiety and depressive disorders. Most men do not over-focus on feelings. They tend to be more action-oriented, have higher self-esteem and more self-confidence, and do not over-analyze things, thus avoiding the paralysis of analysis. As well, most men appear to be able to compartmentalize well, a skill necessary for keeping things in perspective." -- Aaron White, PhD: ed-op in Visions Vol. 2 Iss. 5 2005
In his editorial, White points out traits of masculinity which could be beneficial not only to men, but also to women. For these are traits of assertiveness.
To reduce the risk of anxiety and depression, a woman could learn not to over-focus on feelings. By being action-oriented, a woman can be pro-active and thus raise her self-esteem and self-confidence as a result. Finally, by not over-analyzing things, she can avoid the paralysis of analysis.
As well, the ability to compartmentalize feelings is a necessary skill which keeps things in perspective for both men and women.
Indeed, a woman can learn a lot from men, just as men have learned from women.
In his editorial, White points out traits of masculinity which could be beneficial not only to men, but also to women. For these are traits of assertiveness.
To reduce the risk of anxiety and depression, a woman could learn not to over-focus on feelings. By being action-oriented, a woman can be pro-active and thus raise her self-esteem and self-confidence as a result. Finally, by not over-analyzing things, she can avoid the paralysis of analysis.
As well, the ability to compartmentalize feelings is a necessary skill which keeps things in perspective for both men and women.
Indeed, a woman can learn a lot from men, just as men have learned from women.
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