20141221

Journal Entry for December 18 2014 (satire)

December 18, 2014 - 1711H:

It is not technology that is my problem. Rather, it is my willingness to think technology is worth spending time which could have been spent attending to more important things.

None of my psychological issues have to do with anything else.

Instead, they have to do with the same problems that I have experienced with my computer in response to the change to the short winter hours. This has led me to spend more time in my bedroom on my computer and with my smartphones.

No one is responsible for any behavior changes which I am now experiencing except for myself.

However, I enjoy writing in my journal because it relieves the psychic pain — intense emotional anguish — that comes from knowing that using my smartphones instead of my computer does not improve my behavior.

Writing about such anguish and the feelings of guilt and regret is stressful since my feelings about spending more time with technology have been barely exposed.

Even so, the main feeling which emerges from this stress is anxiety wit the feeling that I should have completed an errand outside my home rather than stay at home. As a result of this anxiety, I am sometimes find myself unable to think of going out on that errand after spending most of the day on my smartphones.

Currently I do not feel frustrated as much as I was a half hour ago. That my reaction to the anxiety was to take a 100mg dose of gabapentin to reduce its severity is a positive action. This is because gabapentin helps calm me down.

Mainly I do not feel as anxious as I was before I took that pill!

Therefore the anxiety is not much of an issue.

...

There is no great purpose in analyzing in depth the imbalance between self and others which is apparent here. Instead, the solution is to moderate use of my smartphones.

If I were to go in depth about their use then I would be creating more than I am capable of handling due to the fear that I may uncover something I know about myself but lays hidden in the back of my mind.

Of course, it may be apparent that I act selfishly. This day (Thursday) is the first day of the week that I am free to do my own thing.

Most of my time on the smartphones was not as productive as I wished it to be — at this time I want a rooted Nexus 4. Yet I am over having a rooted phone since it is more productive to have Android 5.0 on it.

Of course, I no longer feel guilty for spending time away from my LDS studies. I have worked that out too.

So I am thankful for the benefits that this writing has given me, an outlet for artistic expression.

This journal entry is worthwhile in time spent exploring my current mood (anxiety about being on my smartphones and fear that I may be missing out on life).

Currently I am going to return to my regular Thursday away from my technology for about a half hour or more. Such writing is productive because I have written three journal pages. Such a positive outcome is worth whatever fear that I had at the beginning of this journal entry.

...

On December 20, 2014 I finally completed that errand which consisted mainly of getting my prescription.

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