"Of debauchery, deceitful Charlatans, religion, women and rich kids" — Seung-hui cho, April 16, 2007 7:37 AM
I was born on January 18, 1984.
In 1992, my parents and I emigrated to America. We spent our first year in Detroit. It was hell.
In 2003, I graduated from high school. I graduated from an honors school in Chantilly, VA.
Always I felt lonely, and screamed at by my father for being quiet
Between January 2007 and the first week of April 2007, I was infatuated with Emily. When she first rejected me back in March, I went and bought my first gun, a Glock 19.
Five weeks later, I bought a Walther P22, and a shitload of ammo.
This was just after Emily told me she no longer wanted to be my friend.
A few weeks ago, I was caught by the cops speeding on campus. They were going to tell my parents.
Between 5 am and 7:30 am, April 16, I contemplated a confrontation with Emily and strode into her dorm room around 6:45 AM. By 7:15AM she and Ryan were shot dead.
From 7:30 to 9:00 am, back in my dorm room, I wrote eight pages of my manifesto in which I spoke of debauchery, deceitful charlatans, religion, women and rich kids.
Then I sent a lot of videos and pictures to NBC News. I remember saying at one point,
"You had everything you wanted. Your Mercedes wasn't enough, you brats. Your golden necklaces weren't enough, you snobs. Your trust fund wasn't enough. Your vodka and cognac weren't enough. All your debaucheries weren't enough. Those weren't enough to fulfill your hedonistic needs. You had everything!"
Maybe I wrote in red ink, "Ismail Ax", on my arm. I don't remember; the memories are fading.
Sometime after 8:30 am, I rode into Blackburg to drop off my package to NBC News.
Between 9:01 and 9:25 am I drove from Blackburg to Norris Hall. It took me about 14 minutes to kill 30 more people and wound 15. Finally, as I heard the approach of the police, peace came to me as I shot myself in the head with the last bullet of my Glock. It musta been 9:50 am.
...
So what the hell am I doing in Heaven? Shouldn't I be in some kinda purgatory?
Earlier I hear a voice say to me, "Seung-hui Cho, come forward. Your pain is no more." Then memories of my previous existence flashed before me.
Any hope of closeness with my father disappeared when I was 7. "We will be ok in America," said my mother to me.
In Detroit, I vaguely remember being afraid of black men. But I don't know why I killed Ryan.
Once, a pretty American girl teased me when I was 13. Was that why I killed Emily?
How should I know?
In life, we suffer from birth to death. This is a fact of life. Yet, to avoid this truth, we practise debauchery while deceitful charlatans tried to tempt us, as though religion will save us from our own suffering.
Is it like the Muslims say that women bear the gateway to evil? Or, is it just ignorance?
And these rich kids? Why do they torment anyone who is different from them? Why are their riches not used to educate them to respect others who they deem lesser than they are?
I don't know. I don't care.
All I see around me is a bright light, and my memories of my past life are slowly fading...
Is the truth really that each person is loaned a soul at birth, only to be redeemed on death? If so, then am I returning to the Light?
As they too return to the Light, around me are 32 similar souls forgiving me. "Together we return to the Light, for we are as one."
"Jesus died for the sins of man, so that all people, especially sinners, are reborn in heaven."
"If a good man may be born into the Pure Land, then, should he repent from his old ways, so too may an evil man."
So, in murdering 32 innocent souls, is suicide truly repentance?
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