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20100727

Transforming Anger into Loving Kindness

Yesterday, I experienced a positive breakthrough yesterday.

Today Mom called me up to give me the challenge of "being a better person". The last time my brother was over, I didn't invite him into my home.

So indeed she did. She called me, and since I was busy, I waited until after the task was over to call her back.

Rather than arguing with her, I just responded appropriately using politeness and respect.

She told me that when my brother was over to drop off an item - what it is is unimportant to this discussion - I wanted to sell, I neglected to invite him into my home. She said that I should think carefully about my behavior, and implied without saying so that I also need to remedy the situation appropriately.

Then we concluded the phone call. Afterwards I felt angry, but decided to maintain self control.

After calming down, my response was to text message my brother "So let's hang out together sometime on your day off." My intentions were to be hospitable to him, and to invite him into my home.

Even though it turned out he was busy today, we still chatted in text messages.

Afterwards, I felt that everything was fine, again.

How this is a breakthrough with me: usually I'd get angry, suppress the anger, and then forget about it.

This time, I decided to text my brother instead of sulking afterwards. While it is not true sociability to be texting with my brother, it is better than not talking to him.

In this context, by contacting my brother and keeping in touch with him, anger that arose due to my mother's reminder to be demonstrate social etiquette soon subsided, and was transformed into loving-kindness.

1 comment:

Steve said...

Here's an insight into Japanese culture that I happened on at Japan Today: " Japanese culture encourages a deprecating humility about members of one’s family or ones belongings, while praising one’s neighbors." -- http://www.japantoday.com/category/book-reviews/view/kans-wife-criticizes-him-in-new-book

This explains my mother's behavior towards me. She isn't putting me down; she's trying to encourage communication with my siblings.

Now that I know where she is coming from, the culture clash is over