It is very important that you do not compare your actions to your partner's or judge your partner's behavior as unskillful. Rather, focus on your own actions and take responsibility for them. Recall those times when you looked into your partner's eyes and saw the pain you caused this person you love to suffer. If you can admit your own faults, if you can see how hurtful your actions were and tap into a sense of concern for your partner's well-being, then compassion and loving-friendliness will flow.
-Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, "Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness"
By focusing on my own actions and taking responsibility for them, I take responsibility for the pain I cause my loved ones.
At times I can be selfish and cruel, but now I see how hurtful my actions are. Out of concern for the well-being of my loved ones, compassion and loving-friendliness will flow to help us achieve happiness in our lives.
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