20130623

Musing on Relatonships and Unconditional Love

What if You went to a club and met someone you clicked with, and s/he traded numbers with you?

If s/he called you, then you'd be sure to arrange a date because you two got along at the club.

Yet I'm going to call people on this fantasy because often what people have in common at clubs is drink and the prospect of finding someone you like combined with drink fools a person into thinking "s/he is the One."

Sober, people don't act like they do when they are inebriated. This is because a stone cold sober person is inhibited from acting uninhibited. It's also why a woman who received a call from someone they met at a club will usually turn down a date from a man with whom she exchanged numbers.

As well, she doesn't even remember the guy. This is because at a club, her girl friends come first and she is just out to have fun, not hook up.

A woman has to have a strong attraction to a guy in order to accept a date after they have met at a social event in a dark club with loud music and alcohol.

Often too, the guy will have said or done something that she would remember which makes her instinctively put him on the guy friend list.

As well, she make have a personal issue which she has yet to recover from which makes her unable to accept a date with just any guy.

Here is where a guy has to empathize with her in such a fashion as to share briefly that core issue, providing enough details for him to sympathize with her. A woman knows when a guy is empathetic because she'll share her life story with him, trusting him not to share her personal life with outsiders.

So the common ground will actually be trust. A man who can keep the secrets the woman tells him is a good confident. Confidential information is usually shared by a woman to test the guy. If he keeps her secrets safe, then he'll end up on her BFF list, which is rare because usually it is occupied by a large number of woman friends in her social and especially personal life.

A man should never inquire further into her personal life, just to fish for confirmation of "facts" found during his personal research.

Believe me that a man will do personal research because of the fallacy that his fact-finding mission will win her heart. It most often will not. For a woman would feel less trust for a man who pesters her in order to verify her personal history. It is also a breach of trust to do such a thing to a woman.

Instead, a man should just treat a woman he likes a lot with respect by allowing her to remain comfortable sharing her personal life with him because she trust him to keep secrets.

Even when a man thinks a woman is the One because she trusts him to respect her privacy, he ought to respect her privacy by not inquiring further mainly because she is the one capable of dealing with her personal issues, not him.

My intent in writing this blog is to rationalize my interest in a woman I recently met in such a way as to gain her respect. Most of this post is my way of telling myself that she isn't the One just because I know more than I ought to know about her past.

Yet this woman has earned my respect by sharing the details of her life history with me. If she had not done so, I would just consider her an acquaintance.

It is foolish of me to even consider that I'm the One for her. This is a delusion my part, which is motivated by the fantasy that were we to develop an intimate relationship, that we would fall in love and live happily ever after.

Such a delusion is often the result of thinking that what I know about her implies that I could make a difference in her life. This is due to an ego defect in my psyche.

It is vain on my part to think that I could make such a difference in her life.

Indeed, it is more likely that declaring my "love" for her would turn her off.

Instead, I should be a friend and stop thinking with my dick. Otherwise, our friendship could be ruined forever.

However, unconditional love implies that friends don't invade each other's privacy.

Besides, my female friend knows that I am unlikely to dominate her i.e. "groom" her to become attracted to me. I do not believe in treating women this way, because sometimes guys who like to dominate women who like to dominate them might become the jealous and possessive jerk who ends up being her domestic abuse "partner."

I loathe dominating a woman, because it is about power and control, and has nothing at all to do with romantic love at all.

For I believe that control and power are two assets that both partners share, both consciously through actions that follow through on words shared with each other.

Indeed, it is in our both good interest for me to declare this truth about control and power in a healthy relationship.

For partners in a relationship share equally in developing it. As well, she has let it be known to me that we could only be friends.

So, even if I hold a flame for her, then due to her personal history, it is unwise for me to pursue her a love interest even though the fantasy of a romance blooming is tempting, the potential of living such a delusion with her would only affect my emotional well-being, it would also lead to her taking me off her friends list.

Thus, it is best for both of us to be friends, because in this post-modern world, friendship is endearing and sometimes a lifelong commitment that endures.

Indeed, a good friend is the confident, the person who is a sounding board.

For friendship arises due to unconditional love.

IMO romantic relationships put conditions on each partner, and causes conditional love based on intimacy and romance. A woman puts a man or woman on their intimate partner list based on meeting conditions based on human love.

If neither side understands unconditional love through meditation and/or prayer about it, then all both of them are left with is human love based on those conditions.

For unconditional love is like a love so high that we mortals are barely able to utilize its power to transform human love into something that lasts for years.

Such a love empowers people to become compassionate and understanding of other people in our lives. In contrast, because of the conditions that human love depends on, compassion and understanding could be fickle and limited, because humans, being mortal, are limited in their power to realize unconditional love.

While love may be a many splendid thing, it can become more than that by understanding what unconditional love actually is: love without conditions place on both partners in a relationship.

This is why I mentioned dominance in a relationship and the inequity it causes. For a dominating personality seeks control and power over a submissive partner, and thus inequity is inherent in such a relationship.

I behooves me to consider such a choice, and I would rather remain single than trying to be someone I am unable to be, due to my unwillingness to control and disempower my future partner.

Yet I am open in at least trying to explain to my friend that a dynamic friendship is about being equals by the secrets we share with each other.

No comments: