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Lindsay Lohan: Alcohol Was a Gateway (to Other Drugs) (satire)

Lindsay Lohan's candidness proves alcohol to be a gateway drug, but brewing companies keep brewing more of the harmful and life-threatening drug.

Most lives have been ruined by alcohol and prescription drugs. Yet the mainstream media is mum about this fact while showing alcohol advertising in some regions of the US and other parts of the world.

As for cocaine, it leads most recreational users believing it is harmless and not addictive, until they met someone who believes otherwise. Then their addiction gets worse because of their drug-induced delusion that cocaine is safer than a 26oz bottle of Scotch.

Of course, it is worse to binge on either drug alone instead of sharing it with the whole dance floor. Though, it is legal to serve alcohol to young adults over the age of 21 in most parts of the US, a holdover from prohibition days.

When American youths under 21 but over 18 get thirsty, they usually cross the border into Canada to party, sometimes with tragic results due to being in an alcoholic blackout in Canada where a lot of the street people won't put up with American bravado.

Sadly though the Border patrol never catch the partiers, because a breathalyzer is not standard issue.

Anyway, it is possible Lindsay Lohan might have partied hardy in the UK. When I was looking for pictures of Scots lassies, I happened across a picture of one who had LiLo's hair color and freckles, though the lass whose picture I closely perused appeared to be clean-shaven and pleasingly plump.

Perhaps some Scots with mad computer skills Photoshopped LiLo's head on this Scots wrench.

Though, the fact that some rich Arab prince paid for her to come to one of his big parties in the UK makes me wonder if Lindsay had an alcoholic blackout and some cocaine and entered a temporary psychotic delusion in which she fancied herself to be a model.

Nah, that couldn't have happened because there's been nary a peep from the Daily Mail and other trashy tabloids like the Sun. Maybe that Arab prince likes snapping pictures of pretty starlets like Lindsay.

Who knows?

Anyway, I have been searching high and low for the incriminating picture in my photo stream. Maybe one day I'll find it, crop a closeup of the Scots lassy's face, and ask if it looks like Lindsay.

Anyway, I refer any interested reader to Google Tallulah Bankhead to give you an idea of the role model for scandalous behavior among a certain group of young celebrities. Tallulah makes Lindsay seem like an innocent choir girl, but she kept her coke binges under control in the 1930s-1950s, and managed to become a talk show host in her prime in the 1960s.

So if Tallulah can handle her drinking and drugs, then I can't see why Lindsay can't.


Lindsay Lohan's interview with Oprah:

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