20140520

Post-Secondary Education is a Scam (satire)

Ever notice that, in order to succeed, you need a university degree. The rationale is that today's job demands it but given how many students are in debt after graduation, I think that the "university degree guarantees success" is a scam designed to get some students in debt.

It only guarantees that your boss will have graduated from university on his father's tab, and comes from a good family. He hires you because you come from a blue collar background and are essentially his wage slave. He'll be the success story and it's on your dime, because you sweated so he doesn't have to.

Real life is like this, but post-secondary education is touted as the means to a successful future. However, I see right through the bullshit. Education costs money, so much money some graduates might commit suicide after having a harsh time with the collections agents, people you don't need to answer to, because usually they lie about how much you owe to line their own pockets.

In actual fact, the real reason you go to university is to make a name for yourself as a hard worker who is intelligent. The other kids whose daddies pay for their education will notice you and might even be your boss after graduation, one day.

So the real purpose of university is to get to know your future co-workers and possible boss(es). As for that university degree, it'll work really nice sucking up the fat from those fries you'll be selling at some greasy spoon dive.

Let's face it: in today's economy, the service industry is the meal ticket, even if you graduate at the top of your class in nuclear medicine. People's first jobs are usually as waitresses or servers. Why? The tips, if you are great at grooming people, are stupendous. It also helps to be a woman and show cleavage.

Sure, this may sound sexist, but it is the nature of the service industry to provide the number one service to men: cleavage. Men pay good tips just because they're allowed a teasing peek. I'd even pay a 15% tip because the waitress serving me has breasts rather let her boyish co-worker serve me. Sure, I may sound like a lech but that's the nature of the service industry. Women are first and foremost entertainers of some sort, even if their job description says "waitress."

So if some university students are destined to become sexy waitresses, why do they study in university? To pick up Mr. Right, marry him and have babies. In short, women's success stories involve going to the right school, getting noticed by a horny scion from a good family, date and eventually get married. Only in rare instances do they graduate and go on to become successful.

However, marriage isn't a real career choice. It doesn't pay that well, and the risks tend to mitigate the benefits. Overall, marriage fucks up having a successful career. Ask any Muslim woman.

I hope you realize now how much university is a scam. However, I never intended to write this article to scare you off from seeking post-secondary education because maybe you'll ignore the distractions and graduate. Then you are surely on your way to success.

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