When I was a little boy I had a nasty experience with fuel oil. This experience falls under the category of "accidental childhood poisoning."
My family was visiting friends, and I decided to check out the outside of the house. After spotting a hose attached to a big metal tank behind the house near the kitchen window, I thought, "Oh, there must be water at the other end of this hose."
To my surprise, as I sucked in less than a mouthful of fuel oil, I felt it burn my mouth — the oil probably also temporarily damaged my stomach and intestines. At least, it gave it a good cleansing from the inside out!
Within 48 hours of ingesting the fuel oil, my poo turned green for a day. The major traumatic experience was especially heightened while my mom was scolding me.
Of course, I was a stupid little boy who accidentally poisoned himself, but I survived the experience. It's great being really young, and having a body that is growing. It can shake off being poisoned by a mouthful of oil.
Do I worry about the risk of kidney and liver cancer due to exposure to a toxic petroleum product? No, I see no need to worry about cancer since the stress caused by worrying is much more dangerous on the short-term by causing forgetfulness, depression and mood changes.
Today, I don't even have nightmares about this experience which happened to me over 40 years ago.
Here is what I learned from this experience:
Never suck on a hose attached to a big tank near a house, thinking it contains water. That's not water; that's fuel oil.
A child's body can shake off a mild poisoning. However, there might be unforeseen psychological effects due to child neglect that will have to be worked out with your parents.
Even so, this is a case of accidental childhood poisoning and possible child neglect, for the reason why my family was visiting family friends was due to my father being invited to socialize over a couple bottles of beer.
Within Japanese culture, drink is important to loosen the tongue so that the drinker can relax and unwind while forming social bonds with friends. Unfortunately, most people who drink sometimes do not exercise moderation in their drinking by not setting a limit to how much they drink. At the time, my father was a social drinker and waited until he is sober before the return home.
Quite possibly, I was unsupervised by my parents and wandered off to encounter the childhood poisoning incident.
Whenever my family visited this family friend, I liked exploring their property which had a creek flowing through it, which used to have fish in it. Today, a part of the property was converted into Kiyo Park in Surrey, BC. The creek still flows through the property that became the park.
So I am thankful that I remember this experience today because childhood stupidity led to this near-poisoning.
Instead I take responsibility for that wrong action of mistaking fuel oil for water because it makes it easier to take my parents off the hook and then take myself off the hook. The incident is so old that my mind has buried it deep, having resolved it decades ago.
This incident stays in the pot of my traumatic life experiences because it is so old only I remember it. My father has passed away so he is absolved of his part in the incident, and my mother is 85 and does not need to be reminded.
References:
Overview of petroleum product poisoning: http://www.merckmanuals.com/vet/toxicology/petroleum_product_poisoning/overview_of_petroleum_product_poisoning.html
Cancer due to petroleum product: http://www.ag.ny.gov/environmental/oil-spill/what-are-health-effects-exposure-petroleum-products
Stress and its effects: http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/stress-symptoms/art-20050
Japanese drinking culture: http://www.savoryjapan.com/learn/culture/drinking.etiquette.html
Showing posts with label childhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label childhood. Show all posts
20100526
Normalizing Depression and Paranoid-Schizoid Behavior: Notes on Melanie Klein's Theory of Childhood Development
This note is about a "psychobabble" term which is used in everyday language on the street i.e. mainstream use. This term is "paranoid-schizoid".
"Psychobabble" is slang used to describe jargon used by the medical profession to describe behavior and mental conditions, according to a committee-approved manual called DSM-IV.
Within context of this note, first mainstream use of "paranoid-schizoid" will be briefly discussed. It will then be followed by introduction of the term in M. Klein's theory of child development.
Paranoid-Schizoid in Everyday Language
"Paranoid-schizoid" is rarely used in everyday language in its positive sense. Instead it is used to label other people for their eccentricities.
Usually, the term is used when people run out of emotionally charged words such as "crazy" and "weird" to separate people into "good" and "bad" categories, according to social norms.
While most people may be able to define "paranoid" accurately, as paranoia and suspicion out of proportion to a given situation, the term "schizoid" is equated to "crazy" and/or "weird", and falsely associated with schizophrenia.
It is not the purpose of this note to define schizophrenia. However, the term "paranoid-schizoid" is used as a description of a particular form of schizophrenia. Within context of this form of schizophrenia, paranoia and a tendency to be alone appear to be two common traits.
Overall, the term "paranoid-schizoid" is used to describe abnormal behavior with the context of mental health.
Paranoid-Schizoid in Child Development
M Klein uses two terms in her description of early childhood development, "paranoid-schizoid" and "depressive" within context of the term "position", which is defined as "a set of psychic functions that correspond to a given phase of development, always appearing during the first year of life, but which are present at all times thereafter and can be reactivated at any time."
Within context of Klein's description, the word "development" is a generalized term consisting of infantile psychic life i.e. development of the mind of a child during the first year of life.
During the first year of life, a child first begins and completes the paranoid-schizoid position of development. If her environment and up-bringing meet her requirements, then she passes through the depressive position.
Within context of the state of mind of children, the paranoid-schizoid position develops from birth to 4-6 months of age. Between 4-6 months of age, the child develops the depressive position. However, it is normal to move between the two positions though most children's minds will operate in the paranoid-schizoid position.
Klein developed the Object Relations Theory to hypothesize how children view objects in relationship to themselves, mainly as part objects in early childhood.
Within context of childhood development, paranoid refers to the central paranoid anxiety which is defined as "the fear of invasive malevolence". Schizoid refers to the central defense mechanism, splitting, "the vigilant separation of the good object from the bad object."
In healthy childhood development, the child splits its external world, its objects and itself into two categories: good and bad". By doing so, he incorporates attitudes or ideas learned about these two categories into his personality unconsciously, and identifies with the good.
Good consists of love, loving and gratification; bad consists of hate, persecution and frustration.
In this way, splitting is used by the child to protect the good from being destroyed by the bad.
With growing maturity, the child will experience her mother as pleasant and beneficial.
Through maturation, the paranoid-schizoid position is replaced by the depressive position in the child's mind as he becomes more able to tolerate frustration and hold onto the good object for increasing periods.
Thus enabled to accept his bad impulses without fear that these impulses will destroy it, a more reasonable view of the self and object as possessing both good and bad attributes, leads to the greater integration and maturity of the depressive position.
"Depressive and paranoid-schizoid modes of experience continue to intermingle throughout the first few years of childhood."
Commentary on the Term Paranoid-Schizoid Within The Medical Context
With respect to children, these two positions of child development are not psychiatric conditions. Both "paranoid-schizoid" and "depressive" refer to states of mind in normal childhood development. Thus, they are not medical conditions in need of fixing.
Even when paranoid-schizoid and depressive positions may be used by the child in later years in reaction to stress both within the family (i.e. sibling rivalry, misbehavior, etc) and outside the family, they are mind tools being used by the child to defend her psyche.
Rather than using medication to treat fears and anxieties, it would be more beneficial for parents to model adaptive coping strategies for the child to give her more ways of dealing with anxiety and fear.
References: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paranoid-schizoid_position http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Object_relations_theory#Paranoid-schizoid_position http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Object_relations_theory#Depressive_position http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Object_Relations_Theory Analysis of Kelly Jacobson's The Origin of Mouthstones: http://excavatingalfred.blogspot.com/2009/12/object-relations-every-person-has.html
"Psychobabble" is slang used to describe jargon used by the medical profession to describe behavior and mental conditions, according to a committee-approved manual called DSM-IV.
Within context of this note, first mainstream use of "paranoid-schizoid" will be briefly discussed. It will then be followed by introduction of the term in M. Klein's theory of child development.
Paranoid-Schizoid in Everyday Language
"Paranoid-schizoid" is rarely used in everyday language in its positive sense. Instead it is used to label other people for their eccentricities.
Usually, the term is used when people run out of emotionally charged words such as "crazy" and "weird" to separate people into "good" and "bad" categories, according to social norms.
While most people may be able to define "paranoid" accurately, as paranoia and suspicion out of proportion to a given situation, the term "schizoid" is equated to "crazy" and/or "weird", and falsely associated with schizophrenia.
It is not the purpose of this note to define schizophrenia. However, the term "paranoid-schizoid" is used as a description of a particular form of schizophrenia. Within context of this form of schizophrenia, paranoia and a tendency to be alone appear to be two common traits.
Overall, the term "paranoid-schizoid" is used to describe abnormal behavior with the context of mental health.
Paranoid-Schizoid in Child Development
M Klein uses two terms in her description of early childhood development, "paranoid-schizoid" and "depressive" within context of the term "position", which is defined as "a set of psychic functions that correspond to a given phase of development, always appearing during the first year of life, but which are present at all times thereafter and can be reactivated at any time."
Within context of Klein's description, the word "development" is a generalized term consisting of infantile psychic life i.e. development of the mind of a child during the first year of life.
During the first year of life, a child first begins and completes the paranoid-schizoid position of development. If her environment and up-bringing meet her requirements, then she passes through the depressive position.
Within context of the state of mind of children, the paranoid-schizoid position develops from birth to 4-6 months of age. Between 4-6 months of age, the child develops the depressive position. However, it is normal to move between the two positions though most children's minds will operate in the paranoid-schizoid position.
Klein developed the Object Relations Theory to hypothesize how children view objects in relationship to themselves, mainly as part objects in early childhood.
Within context of childhood development, paranoid refers to the central paranoid anxiety which is defined as "the fear of invasive malevolence". Schizoid refers to the central defense mechanism, splitting, "the vigilant separation of the good object from the bad object."
In healthy childhood development, the child splits its external world, its objects and itself into two categories: good and bad". By doing so, he incorporates attitudes or ideas learned about these two categories into his personality unconsciously, and identifies with the good.
Good consists of love, loving and gratification; bad consists of hate, persecution and frustration.
In this way, splitting is used by the child to protect the good from being destroyed by the bad.
With growing maturity, the child will experience her mother as pleasant and beneficial.
Through maturation, the paranoid-schizoid position is replaced by the depressive position in the child's mind as he becomes more able to tolerate frustration and hold onto the good object for increasing periods.
Thus enabled to accept his bad impulses without fear that these impulses will destroy it, a more reasonable view of the self and object as possessing both good and bad attributes, leads to the greater integration and maturity of the depressive position.
"Depressive and paranoid-schizoid modes of experience continue to intermingle throughout the first few years of childhood."
Commentary on the Term Paranoid-Schizoid Within The Medical Context
With respect to children, these two positions of child development are not psychiatric conditions. Both "paranoid-schizoid" and "depressive" refer to states of mind in normal childhood development. Thus, they are not medical conditions in need of fixing.
Even when paranoid-schizoid and depressive positions may be used by the child in later years in reaction to stress both within the family (i.e. sibling rivalry, misbehavior, etc) and outside the family, they are mind tools being used by the child to defend her psyche.
Rather than using medication to treat fears and anxieties, it would be more beneficial for parents to model adaptive coping strategies for the child to give her more ways of dealing with anxiety and fear.
References: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paranoid-schizoid_position http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Object_relations_theory#Paranoid-schizoid_position http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Object_relations_theory#Depressive_position http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Object_Relations_Theory Analysis of Kelly Jacobson's The Origin of Mouthstones: http://excavatingalfred.blogspot.com/2009/12/object-relations-every-person-has.html
20071031
My Early Memories of Elementary School
I never tried to fit in in school, mainly because my mom had asked the principal of the school to get all my peers had to facilitate my social interaction and protect me from bullies.
Needless to say, none of my fellow Grade Oners protected me from Robert McCleod as he dragged me around in the enclosed play area outside the boys' washroom one fine day. Rather, Brian Bolster, the neighbour's kid separated us and told Robert where to go. From what Rob told me, he was being raised by his grandmother because his parents split up.
Today, it just dawned on me exactly why his grandmother was in charge of this young lad: he was probably a victim of child abuse. Hence his extreme form of play using me as a rag doll to drag around.
So, basically, my early years of school were far from average and humdrum. In Grade One, one of my biggest traumas also occurred: after being granted permission to go to the washroom, I ran to the aforementioned washroom only find the heavy oak door impossible for a tiny guy like me to open.
So I pissed the pants, and returned to my Grade One class.
In Grade Two, I got tortured by well-meaning Grade Sixers for resisting "study time". As well, Mrs. Caldwell of the pioneer BC Anglican Caldwell clan was our teacher. And the one time in our seven-old-year boys' life when we had fun sliding down a dirt hill on the west side of Aldergrove Elementary, she ruined by guilting and shaming us for getting dirty.
Then it happened. While Grade Three was dull and sometimes boring, I twigged on this cute girl named Deborah Rexford, of the pioneer Rexford clan of Chilliwack. For once in my eight-year-old life, I could actually have fun with a girl.
But my mom soon put a stop to that because I was turning up late for supper — she grounded me. Then Debbie moved away. Finally, to make matters worse I got teased by a friend for seeing her.
In Grade Four, Ms. Toews made me stay after school to do homework. She also tried to discourage finger counting to do math. With this being the 60s, nobody in education at the universities had passed on the tip that pen and paper is allowed for math quizzes. Instead, teachers used to train us to think on our feet. This was in the days when slide rulers ruled the day.
Grade Five was confusing. I got abused a little by a harsh teacher and then, because Grade Fives were the biggest group of kids that year, got moved to Mr. Green's class. It was here that I condoned corporal punishment of kids with the paddle, and first compared school to prison.
In Grade Six, I got Mrs. Fahrenholtz which turned out to the coolest time of my life, though home life was getting to me because I had a brief hissy fit once and only once. It also marked the first time I acted out in class by going up to the blackboard without being asked to.
Finally Grade Seven happened. Apart from band, it was ok. Perhaps it was the first time I learned that 90% of people don't really understand the 10% of people that I belonged to. I started to my classmates that I certainly didn't want anyone to act like the Minoans, who had this thing where breasts of their women were shown off. I kid you not: Cretans were breast-worshippers. Anyway, this was taken the wrong way, and I think this alienated my classmates throughout high school.
However, I liked how the sunny days of Indian Summer became covered in thick fog. As well, I enjoyed the frogs croaking each night in the summer. Today, it's hard to find a place where frogs do that just to enjoy their freedom in the wild.
Anyway, that is my memory of elementary school.
Needless to say, none of my fellow Grade Oners protected me from Robert McCleod as he dragged me around in the enclosed play area outside the boys' washroom one fine day. Rather, Brian Bolster, the neighbour's kid separated us and told Robert where to go. From what Rob told me, he was being raised by his grandmother because his parents split up.
Today, it just dawned on me exactly why his grandmother was in charge of this young lad: he was probably a victim of child abuse. Hence his extreme form of play using me as a rag doll to drag around.
So, basically, my early years of school were far from average and humdrum. In Grade One, one of my biggest traumas also occurred: after being granted permission to go to the washroom, I ran to the aforementioned washroom only find the heavy oak door impossible for a tiny guy like me to open.
So I pissed the pants, and returned to my Grade One class.
In Grade Two, I got tortured by well-meaning Grade Sixers for resisting "study time". As well, Mrs. Caldwell of the pioneer BC Anglican Caldwell clan was our teacher. And the one time in our seven-old-year boys' life when we had fun sliding down a dirt hill on the west side of Aldergrove Elementary, she ruined by guilting and shaming us for getting dirty.
Then it happened. While Grade Three was dull and sometimes boring, I twigged on this cute girl named Deborah Rexford, of the pioneer Rexford clan of Chilliwack. For once in my eight-year-old life, I could actually have fun with a girl.
But my mom soon put a stop to that because I was turning up late for supper — she grounded me. Then Debbie moved away. Finally, to make matters worse I got teased by a friend for seeing her.
In Grade Four, Ms. Toews made me stay after school to do homework. She also tried to discourage finger counting to do math. With this being the 60s, nobody in education at the universities had passed on the tip that pen and paper is allowed for math quizzes. Instead, teachers used to train us to think on our feet. This was in the days when slide rulers ruled the day.
Grade Five was confusing. I got abused a little by a harsh teacher and then, because Grade Fives were the biggest group of kids that year, got moved to Mr. Green's class. It was here that I condoned corporal punishment of kids with the paddle, and first compared school to prison.
In Grade Six, I got Mrs. Fahrenholtz which turned out to the coolest time of my life, though home life was getting to me because I had a brief hissy fit once and only once. It also marked the first time I acted out in class by going up to the blackboard without being asked to.
Finally Grade Seven happened. Apart from band, it was ok. Perhaps it was the first time I learned that 90% of people don't really understand the 10% of people that I belonged to. I started to my classmates that I certainly didn't want anyone to act like the Minoans, who had this thing where breasts of their women were shown off. I kid you not: Cretans were breast-worshippers. Anyway, this was taken the wrong way, and I think this alienated my classmates throughout high school.
However, I liked how the sunny days of Indian Summer became covered in thick fog. As well, I enjoyed the frogs croaking each night in the summer. Today, it's hard to find a place where frogs do that just to enjoy their freedom in the wild.
Anyway, that is my memory of elementary school.
20050508
Of dolls, intuition and empowerment
Dolls help take us out of childhood.
Some children use them to roleplay family drama so that the child mind can make sense of family dynamics for later recall as adults, when we finally do look at our childhood to make sense of it and to help us cope with life.
When I left Victoria in 1990, I was given two frog dolls by a close frind of mine.
They helped me adapt to living with my folks again.
About three years later, my friend from Victoria found a boyfriend, got pregnant and broke off contact with me.
The story of Vasalisa, who relies of her doll to escape Baba Yaga, is one about rising above the good mother, the part of us that can't stop helping others, even to the point of losing touch with our inner self.
Certain types of romance result from unfairly taking advantage of women who are mothering and act out of their compassion.
They may find sympathy for a man who tells his life story after he has gifted her with positive attention i.e. charming her by commenting on her beauty.
This story of Vasalisa contains the means by which such a woman can find her Wild woman side and nurture her intuition.
In this way shewill be able to balance her mothering abilities with her intuition so that she is not vulnerable to the charming sweet-talking men out there.
My friend's gift of the frog dolls, I feel, helped me to adapt to home life.
In a sense, she too is a mother figure, since she did loan me cutlery and eating utensils.
I hope she too found someone to help her grow into motherhood.
It's been 15 years since I left Victoria, and 12.5 years since she broke off communication.
Her own child is about 13. I wonder what's happening with her...
Some children use them to roleplay family drama so that the child mind can make sense of family dynamics for later recall as adults, when we finally do look at our childhood to make sense of it and to help us cope with life.
When I left Victoria in 1990, I was given two frog dolls by a close frind of mine.
They helped me adapt to living with my folks again.
About three years later, my friend from Victoria found a boyfriend, got pregnant and broke off contact with me.
The story of Vasalisa, who relies of her doll to escape Baba Yaga, is one about rising above the good mother, the part of us that can't stop helping others, even to the point of losing touch with our inner self.
Certain types of romance result from unfairly taking advantage of women who are mothering and act out of their compassion.
They may find sympathy for a man who tells his life story after he has gifted her with positive attention i.e. charming her by commenting on her beauty.
This story of Vasalisa contains the means by which such a woman can find her Wild woman side and nurture her intuition.
In this way shewill be able to balance her mothering abilities with her intuition so that she is not vulnerable to the charming sweet-talking men out there.
My friend's gift of the frog dolls, I feel, helped me to adapt to home life.
In a sense, she too is a mother figure, since she did loan me cutlery and eating utensils.
I hope she too found someone to help her grow into motherhood.
It's been 15 years since I left Victoria, and 12.5 years since she broke off communication.
Her own child is about 13. I wonder what's happening with her...
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