"Be nice" actually means respecting the group's social hierarchy by trying to become like-minded through the use of patience, perseverance and politeness, despite the situation.
It does not mean "fighting fire with fire", nor does it especially mean using one's higher intelligence like a blunt instrument.
Instead, being nice allows each of us a wide range of exercising basic goodness in unexpected ways, be it through asking questions, explaining your point of view and remaining silent to listen closely to understand what the other person is really saying.
Eventually, each person will eventually come to know what it means to be nice.
Originally posted January 15, 2011 at 3:56 PM
Showing posts with label group dynamics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label group dynamics. Show all posts
20140826
20130119
Most groups are Run by Betas
Overall, this article tersely describes the ideal aspects of human behavior which may be common to most people.
In a real life situation, the risk of stereotyping human behavior by rigidly categorizing them as alpha, beta, gamma or delta is that it obscures the other three aspects of behavior.
And when we actively ignore the fact that no one is exclusively this or that but most of us are actually the whole of alpha, beta, gamma and delta attributes.
Few women are actually alpha, because one beta will become alpha for a group of betas until another beta becomes dominant.
A true alpha, male or female, isolates from the group. he designates a beta to be second in command and temporarily alpha.
Also alphas use violence as a tool to maintain dominance, and sometimes teach a favored beta to be alpha.
However, even when trained, a beta will revert to beta when a dominant betas goes alpha, or a true alpha is present.
Also betas use nonviolent methods of social control. This helps distinguish betas from alphas.
Gammas never resort to violence, though they may be victims of violence by alphas.
I still insist that alphas tend to social isolate themselves from groups, since their dominating nature tends to render a group dysfunctional.
However, I believe that once in a while, deltas arise as people dare to be different, and resort to a combination of behaviors that reflect alpha, beta and gamma qualities of dominance, loyalty, submission and servitude, depending on the situation.
They see alpha dominance as a guide to maintain control over the group, and thus may use beta and gamma behaviors to fit in.
Privately a delta will adapt to betas, and facilitate their aloha qualities in group scenarios where a single alpha is absent.
As well, deltas will dominate gammas if need be but will motivate and nurture gammas, bringing out their nascent beta characteristics.
A delta is unafraid of competition, yet seeks to even the playing field since a hierarchy is often abused by dominant alphas.
Think of deltas as the democratic diplomats of society.
In a real life situation, the risk of stereotyping human behavior by rigidly categorizing them as alpha, beta, gamma or delta is that it obscures the other three aspects of behavior.
And when we actively ignore the fact that no one is exclusively this or that but most of us are actually the whole of alpha, beta, gamma and delta attributes.
Few women are actually alpha, because one beta will become alpha for a group of betas until another beta becomes dominant.
A true alpha, male or female, isolates from the group. he designates a beta to be second in command and temporarily alpha.
Also alphas use violence as a tool to maintain dominance, and sometimes teach a favored beta to be alpha.
However, even when trained, a beta will revert to beta when a dominant betas goes alpha, or a true alpha is present.
Also betas use nonviolent methods of social control. This helps distinguish betas from alphas.
Gammas never resort to violence, though they may be victims of violence by alphas.
I still insist that alphas tend to social isolate themselves from groups, since their dominating nature tends to render a group dysfunctional.
However, I believe that once in a while, deltas arise as people dare to be different, and resort to a combination of behaviors that reflect alpha, beta and gamma qualities of dominance, loyalty, submission and servitude, depending on the situation.
They see alpha dominance as a guide to maintain control over the group, and thus may use beta and gamma behaviors to fit in.
Privately a delta will adapt to betas, and facilitate their aloha qualities in group scenarios where a single alpha is absent.
As well, deltas will dominate gammas if need be but will motivate and nurture gammas, bringing out their nascent beta characteristics.
A delta is unafraid of competition, yet seeks to even the playing field since a hierarchy is often abused by dominant alphas.
Think of deltas as the democratic diplomats of society.
20100504
Meditation on Spiritual Mind Control
Introduction
This note is about Buddhist meditation as the path towards control of one's mind to effectively function in society as an individual. I do not endorse any speculation on religious cults as mind control, for most people willingly choose to follow their spiritual path as they see fit. First I will introduce my philosophy about mind control, use consumerism as a way of explaining how cultural lenses work, and then focus on Buddhist meditation which liberates the mind and the individual.
The Post-Modern Conspiracy Theory of Mind Control
In my personal philosophy, I find the post-modern conspiracy theory of mind control as antithetical to the spiritual form of mind control called meditation.
For mind control in the media arises from mental and behavioral negativities of people in authority which distract from the positive benefits of meditation. Indeed, the popular forms of mind control instill fear in people. This fear is rooted in loss of freedom, individual will, and control over one's own life.
Yet as a cultural meme popularized by the media, one only need to think of movies with mind control as the theme, and the numerous newspaper articles sensationalizing the horrible aftereffects of religious cults (Jonestown).
At the root of mind control is abuse of power by people in authority who are trusted by their followers. For there actually is an element of choice involved in the popular conception of mind control. The individual chooses to give up control over his life to serve the needs of the group.
In serving the needs of the group, the group chooses a leader who has authority over them. If the leader is able to control his desire for more power, then the group prospers. If, because of corruption, the leader abuses his power, the group may still prosper but at the cost of ruining group harmony. Using the ideology which all of the group believes in, the leader justifies his abuse of power. The group may split up into factions over such an abuse.
In the media, mind control supposedly occurs when people in authority "brainwash" the individual against his will. Actually, the individual still has the will to choose to follow the dictates of people with control over his life or to continue to resist efforts (torture) to break his will.
However, I am skeptical of the concept of "total mind control" since most people who "submit" to mind control choose to become willing participants rather than continue to resist the torture, both mentally and physically.
Seeing Through the Cultural Lens of Consumerism
To test this truth, I submit that most people are willing participants in what may be loosely called consumerism.
In consumerism, one is educated from cradle to grave. Through education, one is inculcated in the belief that acceptance in the consumerist society is determined by compliance to the rules of that society. For each person's goal is to be a consumer. To attain that goal in that society, each person must be a productive member of that society. Through the consumer's eyes almost everything is product to be consumed. Indeed, in the ideal consumer society, everything is product.
If one's only purpose in life is to consume product, then one is almost like an automaton. Yet most people who are consumers are willing participants.
However, that's the vision of an ideal world in which consumerism is the ideology. In reality, various aspects of consumerism are internalized by us without most of us realizing it.
Through the lens of consumerism, it's possible to view medicine and religion as product, for both are derived from abstract concepts about the mind and spirituality. If you want to be happy, take a pill. If you need a religion, you can go to church on Sunday or worship in a temple on another day. Yet both the mind and the spirit are intangible objects.
So, a pill does not address the reality of the individual's mental development, nor does a religion address the individual's spiritual development with respect to the mind. All medicine can do is improve a person's health by relieving illness and sometimes preventing death, while religion serves our spiritual needs by giving spiritual purpose to life, relieving anxiety about the afterlife, adding a social dimension to one's spiritual life.
Both the development of the mind and one's spirituality is the responsibility of each of us, not as consumers but as people with free will.
The Effects of Buddhist Meditation
Since Buddhist meditation teaches one to be mindful of one's mind, one's view of life changes.
Rather than see the world through the lens of consumerism, I see the world and myself clearly because of mindful practice.
Careful study of Buddhism helps to see the relationship between all beings as interconnected. Thus the mindful Buddhist knows full too well the folly of controlling others. Instead, he chooses to teach the willing about Buddhist meditation, and lets them decide what they are willing to accept.
Buddhism helps me to see that my choices affect both myself and the world through thorough understanding of Buddhist teachings about the Four Noble Truths, the Eightfold Path and dependent origination, both through careful study of the Buddha's teachings and by direct experience to validate what he said.
As a result, Buddhist meditation helps to see the mind as a process in each being.
At the root of Buddhist meditation is liberation of the mind from the ego. For meditation helps to understand the nature of the mind through direct experience and reflection on the Buddha's Teachings specific to each person's practice. Once liberated, one is able to control his mind effectively.
As the Buddhist sage Takuan Soho once wrote, "Of the mind, do not be mindless" which echoes the Buddha's last words, "Strive to seek your own salvation with diligence."
This note is about Buddhist meditation as the path towards control of one's mind to effectively function in society as an individual. I do not endorse any speculation on religious cults as mind control, for most people willingly choose to follow their spiritual path as they see fit. First I will introduce my philosophy about mind control, use consumerism as a way of explaining how cultural lenses work, and then focus on Buddhist meditation which liberates the mind and the individual.
The Post-Modern Conspiracy Theory of Mind Control
In my personal philosophy, I find the post-modern conspiracy theory of mind control as antithetical to the spiritual form of mind control called meditation.
For mind control in the media arises from mental and behavioral negativities of people in authority which distract from the positive benefits of meditation. Indeed, the popular forms of mind control instill fear in people. This fear is rooted in loss of freedom, individual will, and control over one's own life.
Yet as a cultural meme popularized by the media, one only need to think of movies with mind control as the theme, and the numerous newspaper articles sensationalizing the horrible aftereffects of religious cults (Jonestown).
At the root of mind control is abuse of power by people in authority who are trusted by their followers. For there actually is an element of choice involved in the popular conception of mind control. The individual chooses to give up control over his life to serve the needs of the group.
In serving the needs of the group, the group chooses a leader who has authority over them. If the leader is able to control his desire for more power, then the group prospers. If, because of corruption, the leader abuses his power, the group may still prosper but at the cost of ruining group harmony. Using the ideology which all of the group believes in, the leader justifies his abuse of power. The group may split up into factions over such an abuse.
In the media, mind control supposedly occurs when people in authority "brainwash" the individual against his will. Actually, the individual still has the will to choose to follow the dictates of people with control over his life or to continue to resist efforts (torture) to break his will.
However, I am skeptical of the concept of "total mind control" since most people who "submit" to mind control choose to become willing participants rather than continue to resist the torture, both mentally and physically.
Seeing Through the Cultural Lens of Consumerism
To test this truth, I submit that most people are willing participants in what may be loosely called consumerism.
In consumerism, one is educated from cradle to grave. Through education, one is inculcated in the belief that acceptance in the consumerist society is determined by compliance to the rules of that society. For each person's goal is to be a consumer. To attain that goal in that society, each person must be a productive member of that society. Through the consumer's eyes almost everything is product to be consumed. Indeed, in the ideal consumer society, everything is product.
If one's only purpose in life is to consume product, then one is almost like an automaton. Yet most people who are consumers are willing participants.
However, that's the vision of an ideal world in which consumerism is the ideology. In reality, various aspects of consumerism are internalized by us without most of us realizing it.
Through the lens of consumerism, it's possible to view medicine and religion as product, for both are derived from abstract concepts about the mind and spirituality. If you want to be happy, take a pill. If you need a religion, you can go to church on Sunday or worship in a temple on another day. Yet both the mind and the spirit are intangible objects.
So, a pill does not address the reality of the individual's mental development, nor does a religion address the individual's spiritual development with respect to the mind. All medicine can do is improve a person's health by relieving illness and sometimes preventing death, while religion serves our spiritual needs by giving spiritual purpose to life, relieving anxiety about the afterlife, adding a social dimension to one's spiritual life.
Both the development of the mind and one's spirituality is the responsibility of each of us, not as consumers but as people with free will.
The Effects of Buddhist Meditation
Since Buddhist meditation teaches one to be mindful of one's mind, one's view of life changes.
Rather than see the world through the lens of consumerism, I see the world and myself clearly because of mindful practice.
Careful study of Buddhism helps to see the relationship between all beings as interconnected. Thus the mindful Buddhist knows full too well the folly of controlling others. Instead, he chooses to teach the willing about Buddhist meditation, and lets them decide what they are willing to accept.
Buddhism helps me to see that my choices affect both myself and the world through thorough understanding of Buddhist teachings about the Four Noble Truths, the Eightfold Path and dependent origination, both through careful study of the Buddha's teachings and by direct experience to validate what he said.
As a result, Buddhist meditation helps to see the mind as a process in each being.
At the root of Buddhist meditation is liberation of the mind from the ego. For meditation helps to understand the nature of the mind through direct experience and reflection on the Buddha's Teachings specific to each person's practice. Once liberated, one is able to control his mind effectively.
As the Buddhist sage Takuan Soho once wrote, "Of the mind, do not be mindless" which echoes the Buddha's last words, "Strive to seek your own salvation with diligence."
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