The mTBI Blues: I fell down

January 31, 2007: If I didn't land on my arm, then this bruise might have been on my brain. Right after I fell I raised myself up, in pain on my right side. Then this lady in the car that passed me stopped.

As I was about to walk away, the lady asks meekly, "Are you ok?" "Yes, I am" I said weakly, as I tried to ignore the pain.

If the person had been professional enough, she would have been out in a flash and helping me up.

I'm still lucky for not having another concussion to add to my list of mild traumatic brain injuries.

It took the bruise a week to look like this. Most of it is yellow or reddish.

I think I heal faster because I am getting proper nutrition, but more likely I try to leave my wounds alone to heal.

A week ago, I had a slight stitch in my gut near the appendix due to this fall. That went away within 96 hours. In about four days this bruise will go away.

So regarding the past bruise on my brain, this healed hematoma, the headaches are like inflammation, and the mood changes (from anxiety, anger, irritability etc. to the mellow, fearless, slightly disturbed, loss of impulse control) are like the skin color changes as the bruise goes away.

As for the personality changes I've experienced, it indicates mild brain injury. There are possibly some front lobe changes the rehab clinic missed in their tests.

Supposedly I am not showing any frontal lobe syndromes.

However, the inability to think far ahead when distracted and/or tired coupled with the hypomania in reaction to very mild stimulants like SAMe, ginseng, and green tea may indicate changes that may be discounted by the untrained professional.

Overall though, with guidance I won't be doing stupid things on-line anymore. That's probably what really made me fall: a combination of insomnia and too much time spent on-line.

Deathlessness is Fearlessness

…You can confront the prospect of your own death and try to analyze it and, in so doing, try to minimize some of the inevitable sufferings it causes. Neither way can you actually overcome it. However, as a Buddhist, I view death as a normal process of life… Knowing that I cannot escape it, I see no point in worrying about it.

-His Holiness the Dalai Lama

In confronting the prospect of death, I shall not analyze it, lest I minimize even a bit of the inevitable sufferings that arise from such a confrontation.

For I cannot overcome or escape death in this life, nor can I escape it. By viewing death as a normal process of life, I no longer worry about it.

For samsara, the natural cycle of birth-life-death, is Nirvana; and Nirvana, the transcendence of birth-life-death, is samsara.

Fear not death, and its hold over you will disappears. Yet treat the deathlessness as empty of fear of death.

Such fearlessness helps us to stop worrying about the prospect of death.

In no way should it inspire anyone to give up on life on impulse.

Think first about examining your life and about the prospect of aspiring to live a well lived life. For you have so much to live for, and all the time in the world to live it well.

True Nature is very simple

You cannot cut open a person to find Buddha Nature.

For the mind cannot grasp reality.

So stick to the basics of meditation such as breathing and posture. For soon shall you find true nature.

Then you shall see the Buddha has no secrets or magic.

The Prayer of the Suburban Saint

When I die I shall
become a saint by listening
to the Christ In Heaven,
and when I am reborn again,
let it be as a human being,
so that I may help others
to become one with God.

"Blind Date" leads to tragedy

BEIJING -- A 17-year-old boy in northeastern China was so disappointed with the looks of a woman he met over the Internet that he hanged himself after seeing her face-to-face, state media reported Friday.

The unnamed teenager first contacted the woman -- known by her chat moniker "Qunjiaofeiyang", or "Flying Skirt" -- using the popular Chinese online messaging software QQ, Xinhua news agency said.

The girl described herself as a beautiful 19-year-old and the pair chatted on the Web for weeks before arranging a December 26 rendezvous in the nearby city of Mudanjiang, in far northeastern Heilongjiang province.

The boy arrived to discover the woman far less attractive than advertised and 10 years older than him, Xinhua said.

The boy immediately returned home, lost his appetite, and four days later hanged himself from a tree.

OP note: This is a pic of the woman known as Qunjiaofeiyang. She looks plain but not ugly.

Rats

I was 6 at the time this happened. All the class had already filed out to go play in the field but I was left behind. I cried for a few moment, then tried to get past the 7th Grade class room but was too shy, but returned to my 1st grade classroom.

As i sat crying, I heard the sound of a small animal scurrying. out of the corner of my eye, I noticed something small and dark scamper into the heat register.

However I never could say for certain what the creature was.

Many years later, when I was guarding a stage for an outdoor concert, I saw the indistinct shape of similar ceatures near dawn. But because they were walking on concrete rather than linoleum, I heard no scratching of claws.

How the Goddess Was Born

One day many moons ago,
Shiva spoke to the maiden
through the vision of red eyes
by a homesick woman
who'd been abandoned by her lover.
Then the maiden saw deities
come to bow and propitiate her.
For she has become Shakti.
With her new powers even the heavens moved.
Yet her dancing brought dread
to family and friends alike,
who are lost in their reality.
So they sent her to the Moon,
a 28-day stay in Limbo.
To this day the Goddess tells
very few people of her visit to dreamtime,
lest she be banished to the moon for life.
Indeed, she now feels people
who she's befriended have turned on her.
She even abandoned the stability
of Sister Serenity.
Now the past has faded away
until only the myths are left
in dreamtime, where
Shiva waits for her return
when she sleeps and
the Goddess dances
with him once again.

Sister Moon Conquors Terror

Smiling her radiant smile,
this fine lady grows from a pale ghost
with age spots on her cheek
into a beautiful princess, shining brightly

This princess spins a coat
for a rabbit who forsakes carrots
for cheese, which is found everywhere
in this eternal kingdom.

Where is this kingdom?
Now it is waning into the new;
in a fortnight, it waxes full.
What is its true name?


One day the shining princess found a rabbit, licking spilled milk. Nearby, a cow with wings munched on corn stalks.

"Hulloa, flying cow! You seem heavy with milk Why is this rabbit lapping at your excess?"

Without a word the cow took to the sky. "The children in a far-off kingdom are crying!" it mooed.

Soon darkness fell, and the princess became splotchy. Fretting, she picked up the rabbit and stroked its fur. The rabbit shuddered, and spoke:

"Those children cry because of a monster!"

"What monster?" she asked. "Please tell me, Sir Rabbit!"

"The same one that chased away Sir Cow!" replied he. "It has ravaged their village across the Narrow Bridge in the Lowlands!"

"Then I must go to Brother Sun to ask his help. No children should suffer a monster such as this!"

So the dark princess went before the Sun and curtsied.

In a booming voice, Brother Sun said, "Sister Moon! Welcome back! What brings you here?"

"Brother, Sir Rabbit tells me a monster of the Lowlands now makes children cry."

"It's true!" declared the rabbit. "I tasted spilled milk from Sir Cow!"

"This will not do! Hide me from the Lowlands, sister!"

And the dark princess, Sister Moon, obscured the sun from the Lowlands.

Soon, faintly they hear a keening cry.

"Oooooh, these lands be dark. I've no humans to eat, no terror to bring them, and hear only the crying of children. It makes me so lonely!"

So Sister Moon let Sir Rabbit go. Then she gathered up her armour, shield and sword.

She slipped across the Narrow Bridge, and challenged the monster.

"Foul beast! Eaters of humans, monster who makes children cry! Stand still and let me slay you!"

Under this barrage of insults, the monster rose high and towered over her.

"Ah, pretty woman! I eat you too!"

In an instant, Sister Moon grew to match her adversary. "Who are you to chase the flying cow, Sir Cow, away? And to frighten children? Have you no shame, monster?"

"I am but the desires dark, and passions deep!" roared the monster. "My name is Terror. What be yours, my pretty?"

"Sister Moon, the bright princess!" cried she, and struck at Terror.

Mortally wounded, Terror fell and disappeared like fog under the sun.

Then Sister Moon found the children.

She took the crying children and comforted them.

Then she took them away to the moon and brought them to her kingdom to live.

Sometimes you can see her up in the sky when the moon is full, her adopted children hiding on the dark side of the moon.

So when you look at the moon when full, wave to Sister Moon and her adopted sons and daughters.

You might not see them because they're far away. That's because they actually live in your heart.

7th Suspect Caught in Graeme Ferguson murder

The lives of Mr.and Mrs Ferguson have been tragically
changed with the murder of their son. They are presently
out of the country but have expressed their desire to share
the following statement with the public:

‘’Our family is relieved that someone has been arrested in
connection with the death of our son, Graeme. The past six
months have been extremely difficult while we waited for
this news. We encourage others who have further
information about Graeme to contact the Ottawa Police to
help solve the mystery surrounding the death of our son. We
feel that the person who was responsible for Graeme’s death
not only took his life but, plunged us, the survivors, into
excruciating painful grief. The Ottawa police have worked
diligently in trying to solve this dreadful crime. We are
thankful for their persistence.’’

The biggest shock is to discover that Graeme had returned to his life of crime.

The New Neo-Fascist States of Amerikkka

Mr Ford's legacy lives on.

While Ford's philosophy was passed onto the Nazis in the 30s, today America under Bush is tumbling into a fascist nightmare.

Long live the Fourth Reich of America!

Please note that I am 100% against fascism mainly because it has no concept of using capitalism to fund its more sinister plots.

All it does is steal, steal, steal. But then its Catholic allies did that 1500 years ago prior to the Dark Ages by stealing temples from pagans to reuse as Christian churches.

Big Oil is 100% behind this too.

After all Big Oil is the reason for 911 and Hurricane Katrina.

i need a no-go

high as a man can go,
i feel to go-go-go.
can't stop thinking,
can't help thinking.
thoughts racing;
always pacing... almost.

Chorus:
so i need a no-go
before i go AWOL.
a little Gravol,
valerian is your friend.

non-stop talking's got me,
i'm associating freely.
can't stop pacing,
my heart is racing.
go-go-go!
running in circles...

Chorus:
so i need a no-go
before i go AWOL.
a little Gravol,
valerian is your friend.
i gotta no-go with
a little Gravol;
valerian is my friend!

I wanna be remembered for...

Being honest and very opinionated, as well as for rambling and mumbling.

40 miles to help

it's 40 miles to help
for a girl who's blue.
that's why the best thing
for her to do
is to chop wood
and draw water.

she's been doing this
cos the meds don't work.
that's why the best thing
for her to do
is to chop wood
and draw water.

sure she eats well and stuff,
but she's feeling blue.
that's why the best thing
for her to do
is to chop wood
and draw water.

it's 40 miles to help
for a girl who's blue.
that's why the best thing
for her to do
is to chop wood
and draw water.

The Dragonfly: a Zen story

One day this boy caught a dragonfly and put it on a leash with a silk thread from his kimono.

Then the cranky yamabushi noticed this young lad having so much fun.

"Hey, dirty boy! Let that sentient being go free or you will be sorry!" he scolded.

Instead of respecting his elders, the young boy played with his dragonfly until it died from lack of food.

"See, dirty boy" hissed the yamabushi,"what happens to sentient life that man captures?"

Later, that young boy became the leader of his own clan. He chose the symbol of the dragonfly as his mon in honor of the yamabushi.

When asked why he wrote a haiku that went like this:

Dragonfly when free lives briefly.
When caught, it dies soon.
Ah the transient nature of life!

What if the Bushes were arrested... (humor)

What if the Bushes were arrested for crimes against the state, this is how I wish the intake interview to their clinic visit should go:

"get with the picture, mr bush. you're a pathological liar and a sociopath."
"but i did get rehab for my drug addiction!"
"sorry, mr bush. there is no rehab for being a sociopath. you'll just have to wake up and smell the coffee."
"i am on decaf. see, my hands don't shake."
"do you still drink, mr. president?"
"i plead the 5th!"
to mrs bush: "did u really kill your first boyfriend?"
"you're insane, young man! i loved my first boyfriend."
"not in my clinic, mr president and ms bush. we're going to medicate you for crimes against the American people."
mr bush: "that's unconstitutional, young man."
mrs bush: "jeb had this problem with his daughter, dear. we might as well go along with it. it beats being executed. like that saddam man and also bin laden."
"Sir?"
[bush hangs head in hands] "Will nothing happen to my daughters?"
"We'll find nice Democrats for them, Sir."
Mrs Bush: "Oh the shame!!"
Mr.Bush: "That's not in the agreement i signed when we got placed in your dang clinic, young man."
"You forgot to read the fine print, Sir."
Mrs Bush: "I read that document; there were no such words that signed our daughters over to the Democrats."
"D.C. is a different place with the Global Caliphate in charge, Sir. For example, we could have made guinea pigs of them for their alcoholism."
Mrs Bush starts to cry. "George, do something!"
MrBush: "I am not the President anymore, dear."
Intake clerk speaks in Arabic.
MrBush: "Pardon?"
"I merely wished you welcome to my clinic, Sir."
MrsBush: "It'd help if people still spoke English around us."
Intake clerk speaks in Arabic to Mrs Bush.
Mrs Bush: "Young man, don't use that tone of voice around me. I don't need to know no Muslim lingo to know when you are demeaning women."
"I merely wished you well as all Muslim men wish their women, Ma'am."
MrBush: "As for the medication, what are they gonna use for the execution?"
"This isn't an execution. Khalif Mohamed declared that the Bushes were to be chemically neutralized but not killed."
MrsBush [hysterically]: "They're going to lobotomize us chemically, George. That's so un-American!"
Mr.Bush: "What are the meds, young man?"
Mrs.Bush [crying]
"Sir, we could only afford seroquel at 50 mg TID."
Mrs.Bush: "English please!"
"Up to 200 mg of seroquel a day, Ma'am."
Mr.Bush: "Is that better than klonopin?"
"Ahh... well you don't drool as much!"
Mrs.Bush: "Will we get fat, and lose our hair?"
"Not before you two die quietly in another 10-14 yrs."
MrsBush [crying]: "My looks!!"
MrBush: "Who gets our daughters again?"
"The Democrats from San Fernando, Sir."
MrBush: "Why not Austin or Houston?"
"We nuked Texas."
MrsBush cries and wails: "They wiped Texas off the map!"
Intake clerk wishes the Bushes well in Arabic, and ushers them away.
[fade to black]

Who Really Kidnapped Who

Here's how the kids went from Quets to the Needhams:

July 2005: Quets bears kids.
August 2005: Quets' BF talks Quets to hand over kids to his relatives.
Quets hands over kids and later gets them back from lawyers and Needhams
Needhams want kids, so false documents are filed.
Quets' BF drives out of state with Quets.
September 2005-December 2005: Quets returns home, and starts legal process. She also returns to work. She manages to travel on business for employer and research her case.
Legal system rules in favor of Needhams due to lawyer's cronyism and Quets' civil suits.

Quets is granted Dec 22-24 with kids. She ends employment with employer and drives up to Canada, ending in B&B in Kingston, and subletting a condo in Centretown, a suburb of Ottawa.

Go Allison go!

Coercion at Root of Woman's "Kidnapping" of Her Kids

According to Quets' sister, Quets never wanted to give up the children. But she had a rough pregnancy and was worried that she would be too weak to care for them. She met the Needhams through a friend, Gail Quets told WRAL-TV.

"They pressured her into giving up custody of her children," Gail Quets said. She realized less than 12 hours later that it was a horrible decision and she begged to have her children returned to her, and these folks refused."

"I know she loves her children very much and would never endanger them," she added

By coercing Allison Lee Quets into giving up her twins, 17-month old Holly Ann and Tyler Lee Needham, Denise and Kevin Needham are actually the cause of Quets' crime.

In refusing to return these two children, the Needham contributed to the needless kidnapping of their adoptive daughters.

If, in the custody battle, the Needhams win, it will again because of the same reason why the Canadian justice system found Gettliffe guilty: Money talks.

According to other reports, Quets' kidnapping of her own kids may work against her.

During her pregnancy, she suffered a severe form of morning sickness called hyperemesis which led to her rash decision to give away her kids through adoption.

Having recovered from her illness, she realized her mistake and from the beginning tried to get her kids back from the Needhams.

So, once again I will point out that it is the Needhams' unwillingness to give up her twins that led to Quets' decision.

Had the Needhams given up the twins and sued Quets for adoption costs, THIS NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED.

As well, their unwillingness to tell their side of the story works against the Needhams.

http://www.myfoxwghp.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=1933583&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=3.3.1

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Update for 20130203.0842:

Quets sentence: http://www.justice.gov/usao/nce/press/2007/2007-Dec-18.html
Bail for Quets: http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Canada/2007/01/05/3176506-sun.html