My Early Memories of Elementary School

I never tried to fit in in school, mainly because my mom had asked the principal of the school to get all my peers had to facilitate my social interaction and protect me from bullies.

Needless to say, none of my fellow Grade Oners protected me from Robert McCleod as he dragged me around in the enclosed play area outside the boys' washroom one fine day. Rather, Brian Bolster, the neighbour's kid separated us and told Robert where to go. From what Rob told me, he was being raised by his grandmother because his parents split up.

Today, it just dawned on me exactly why his grandmother was in charge of this young lad: he was probably a victim of child abuse. Hence his extreme form of play using me as a rag doll to drag around.

So, basically, my early years of school were far from average and humdrum. In Grade One, one of my biggest traumas also occurred: after being granted permission to go to the washroom, I ran to the aforementioned washroom only find the heavy oak door impossible for a tiny guy like me to open.

So I pissed the pants, and returned to my Grade One class.

In Grade Two, I got tortured by well-meaning Grade Sixers for resisting "study time". As well, Mrs. Caldwell of the pioneer BC Anglican Caldwell clan was our teacher. And the one time in our seven-old-year boys' life when we had fun sliding down a dirt hill on the west side of Aldergrove Elementary, she ruined by guilting and shaming us for getting dirty.

Then it happened. While Grade Three was dull and sometimes boring, I twigged on this cute girl named Deborah Rexford, of the pioneer Rexford clan of Chilliwack. For once in my eight-year-old life, I could actually have fun with a girl.

But my mom soon put a stop to that because I was turning up late for supper — she grounded me. Then Debbie moved away. Finally, to make matters worse I got teased by a friend for seeing her.

In Grade Four, Ms. Toews made me stay after school to do homework. She also tried to discourage finger counting to do math. With this being the 60s, nobody in education at the universities had passed on the tip that pen and paper is allowed for math quizzes. Instead, teachers used to train us to think on our feet. This was in the days when slide rulers ruled the day.

Grade Five was confusing. I got abused a little by a harsh teacher and then, because Grade Fives were the biggest group of kids that year, got moved to Mr. Green's class. It was here that I condoned corporal punishment of kids with the paddle, and first compared school to prison.

In Grade Six, I got Mrs. Fahrenholtz which turned out to the coolest time of my life, though home life was getting to me because I had a brief hissy fit once and only once. It also marked the first time I acted out in class by going up to the blackboard without being asked to.

Finally Grade Seven happened. Apart from band, it was ok. Perhaps it was the first time I learned that 90% of people don't really understand the 10% of people that I belonged to. I started to my classmates that I certainly didn't want anyone to act like the Minoans, who had this thing where breasts of their women were shown off. I kid you not: Cretans were breast-worshippers. Anyway, this was taken the wrong way, and I think this alienated my classmates throughout high school.

However, I liked how the sunny days of Indian Summer became covered in thick fog. As well, I enjoyed the frogs croaking each night in the summer. Today, it's hard to find a place where frogs do that just to enjoy their freedom in the wild.

Anyway, that is my memory of elementary school.

What Windows Really Is

From Windows as a GUI over DOS to DOS-less NT, then later XP, and onwards to Vista, this product has basically merged the MSDOS kernel into the GUI, mostly to inculcate the "point-and-click" mindset first fostered with Apple Mac.

However, development of the X Window System happened independently of the influence of Xerox Alto on Mac OS, and Microsoft's license of certain aspects of Macintosh user interface from Apple.

Then through aggressive marketing, Windows came to dominance.

In response, Mac OS became Unix-like in 1999 with the release of OS X.

References:
History of Mac OS: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Mac_OS
History of Mac OS X: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Mac_OS_X
History of Microsoft Windows: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Microsoft_Windows
History of X-Window System: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/X_Window_System#History

The True Conscience of a Hacker

thanks to EvilAngelica
(reproduced without permission.)

Another one got caught today, it's all over the school.
"The dorky kid got caught jerking off in the girls toilets"...
Damn nerds. They're all alike.

But did you, in your three-piece lurex body suit and 1960's Woodstock fried acid brain,
ever take a look behind the eyes of the hacker?
Did you ever wonder what made him sick, what forces shaped him, what may have molded him?
I am a hacker, enter my world...

Mine is a world that begins with school... I'm smarter than most of the other kids, that's why they pick on me...
Damn geeks. They're all alike.

I'm in junior high or high school. I've listened to teachers explain for the fifteenth time how important personal hygiene is .
I understand it. "No, Ms. Smith, I didn't bathe this week. I don't like water..."
Damn kid. Allergic to soap. They're all alike.

I made a discovery today. I found a computer. Wait a second, this is cool.
It does what I want it to. If it makes a mistake, it's because I screwed it up.

..Or I'm running windows.

Not because it doesn't like me...
Or pokes fun at me...
Or thinks I,m creepy...
Or wants to puke when I squeeze my zits...
Damn kid. All he does is pick his nose. They're all alike.

And then it happened... a door opened to a world...
blood rushing through my weener like heroin through an addict's veins,
an electronic pulse is sent out, a refuge from the sexual frustrations is sought... porn is found.
"This is it... this is where I belong..."
I know everyone here... even if I've never met them, never talked to them, may never jerk over them again... I love you all...
Damn kid. Using up all the tissues again. They're all alike...

You bet your ass we're all alike... we've been sneered at at school when we hungered for friends...
Our heads stuffed down toilets and butt whipped with towels...
We've been dominated by big boys, and ignored by the girls.
The few that had something to say found us strange, but those few are like drops of sand in the desert.

This is our world now... the world of the hard-on and the bitch, the beauty of the breast.
We make use of a service already existing, paying for what could be free , if we could get a real woman.
and you call us geeks.
We explore our sexuality... and you call us geeks
We can speak fluid h4x0r... and you call us geeks.
We exist without confidence, without friends , without charisma... and you call us geeks.
You build nightclubs , you play football, you don't collect scripts,
you try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the geeks.

Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of being different.
My crime is that of spending hours scanning for vulnerabilities , yet you tell me to get a life .
My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never care about.
The worm has now turned , now I'll bully you , in this techno age I am in charge.
You are all newbies , and now I look down on you.

I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto.
You may stop this individual, but you can't stop us all... after all, we're all alike.

Zaiboh Otaku: Cult of the Ghost in the Machine or ZeitGeist?

Zaiboh Otaku [zy'bo o-ta-k(oo)] : Cyber otaku, i.e. in
reference to a person who obsesses about computer and
cyberspace, to the point where she lives on-line, at times
never sleeping or eating properly for days.

20th-Century psychobabble refers to "computer addiction",
yet people who are supposedly addicted to computers are
actually habituated to a technological set and setting
where their obsessive-compulsive behavior is almost always
focused on computers, both on- and off-line various worlds
of cyberspace, ranging from a telephone chatline to a
single-line computer bulletin board system (BBS) to an
Internet service provider (ISP).

HISTORY OF 'INFO PIKE' GREW UP WITH CLINTON

In late Fall of 1993, during the presidential race in the United
States of America (USA), the Democratic Party's nominees for
president- and vice-president Bill Clinton and Al Gore won a
landslide victory over Republican incumbent George Bush due to their
high-tech backers on the West Coast, from Silicon Valley to the
Pacific Northwest. The Democratic platform fully embraced what
became known as the Information (Super)Highway, or simply: the Info
Pike.

After gaining the office of the President, Clinton proceeded to enact
bills pertaining to the Info Pike. One such act, the Communications
Decency Act (CDA) was not fully supported by Clinton, nor by Al Gore,
the chief policy-maker on making the Info Pike promise come true.
Instead, ignorant but well-meaning lobbyists who feared the negative
aspects of computers convinced various member of Congress to table a
bill in the House of Congress.

As it was originally written, the CDA was not well worded on what it
intended to do: clean up the Internet i.e. prevent the dessimination
of child pornography, hate literature, and obscenity on the Internet,
in effect policing the Info Pike like Orwellian thought police, all
in the name of truth, justice and the American way.

What followed was a backlash of grassroots protest on the Internet,
as website after website went "black" (i.e. displayed a black or
blank background as a show of solidarity against the monstrous child
of Senator Exon and his fellow right-wing Moral Majority and Feminazi
sycophants had begotten.

Later, the CDA was found lacking on several keys issues, mainly
violating the spirit of the First Amendment of the US Constitution,
and was declared by the Supreme Court to be invalid. In response,
the CDA proponents vowed to rewrite the bill and table it again
before Congress.

As it now stands, the CDA has influenced the Internet to clean up its
act. Where before it was easy to access pornography of different
strokes on BBSes, and on the Internet, today you would need proof of
legal age (using photocopies of ID or driver's licence). In
addition, the World Wide Web has cleaned up its act, resulting in an
ad-hoc, pay as you go system, and - in keeping with the law in local
communities - with warnings to children to stay out. However, the
protest against censorship on the 'Net has not abated despite the
unconstitional aspects of the dread CDA.

HOW THE OTAKU FIT INTO CYBERSPACE

The word 'otaku' is borrowed from the Japanese. Basically, it means
someone whose whole life revolved around a particular interest. The
roughest translation into English is 'hobbyist' or 'enthusiast.'

In the computer industry, the jargon dictionary refers to a special
interest group (SIG) for each aspect of the industry. For example,
the Forth SIG is for computer professionals and amateur hobbyists
alike to share ideas and discuss various aspects of programming in
the computer language Forth. There are also SIGs for hardware (e.g.
IBM SIG and ACORN SIG, as well as for software (ORACLE SIG and OS/2
SIG). SIGs may no longer use SIG as part of their title, especially
if they subscribe to various Usenet newsgroups such as
comp.language.forth, comp.hardware.ibm, comp.hardware.acorn,
comp.language.oracle, comp.programming.os2, and so on.

But sometimes the obsession gets out of hand, so otaku at one point
in the late 20th Century came to mean a fetishist or a mentally ill
person who obsesses about computers and/or pornography. This can be
traced to news articles in Japanese weeklies and on local TV news
show, which delight in sensationalizing the crime of the week.

However, not all otaku are corrupted by their obsessions. Thus, the
theft of the term 'otaku' by sensation-seeking journalists to
describe people who are actually broken and mixed-up people is
nothing more than bad journalism. They apply the term to a crime,
and denigrate its original meaning through their abuse, misuse and
overuse of the word.

OTAKU AND CYBER-PORN

Real otaku are most probably law-abiding citizens. And zaiboh otaku
are most likely as squeaky clean as the average Netizen. The people
who deal in the free exchange of pornography on the Internet are not
true otaku at all, but are either producers or users of obscene
material. The term used most often to describe such obscene and
pornographic material on the Internet is 'cyber-porn'. Most otaku
will have nothing to do with them, and -- as a result -- refuse to
subscribe to sex-related areas of the 'Net.

To claim that any attempt to cut down on net traffic that contains
mostly pornography is a violation of the unwritten rule of freedom of
expression, one must stretch the limitations of the First Amendment
of the US Constitution, which only applies to the cyber-porn
underground within the borders of America. Outside that limited
area, the laws of the local community connnected to the Internet may
apply. Thus, we may have places like Singapore and Malaysia where
the distribution of obscene materials is a capital offense, and other
places like the Netherlands where cyber-porn is almost freely
available.

Zaiboh otaku will do anything to remain free of the subtle influence
of cyber-porn. For true freedom makes demands of oneself in order to
avoid clinging to earthly distractions. One cannot properly commune
in cyberspace with the sometimes overpowering distractions of the
lusty side of human nature. As well, there may be government scams
in place to entrap weak-willed adventurers on the Info Pike. The
government is always willing to set up sting operations to tempt the
weak amongst all members of the 'Net. This can be thought of as a
weeding-out process. Anyone who can resist the temptation of the
erotic and the obscene on-line is probably fit to call herself zaiboh
otaku. Anyone whose resistance is weaker is otaku in name only, and
is to be avoided at all costs.

THE ROLE OF THE ZAIBOH OTAKU

True zaiboh otaku are seldom seen or heard. They may subscribe to
various newsgroups, visiting various websites, and engage in an
avocation within the computer industry; but seldom are they heard
from, if at all. However, when they do make themselves known, the
lesser otaku will know about it and even comment on each utterance of
the zaiboh otaku. Thus, we may read of the notorious zaiboh otaku
Kevin David Mitnick, a zaiboh ronin who began his illustrious career
sweet talking PacBell operators into letting him have free reign on
the local telephone switching exchanges of greater Los Angeles,
California.

By the time of his arrest around 1989, Mitnick was accused of
stealing the DEC VAX operating system source code. As well, he was
convicted for illegal use of computer resources at a local education
institution. Instead of being made a lesson to other otaku foolish
enough to succumb to the dark side of hacking, Mitnick was allowed to
go on probation and seek counselling in a 12-step program for his
computer 'addiction.'

Again, in early 1995 Mitnick was arrested, this time for illegal use
of cellular phone service, possible computer theft and illegal use of
computer resources. However, it is unknown if he was the author of
the break-in of the San Diego Supercomputer machine belonging to his
rival Tsutomu Shimomura. The U.S. government would want us to
believe otherwise.

ZAIBOH OTAKU: SAMURAI AND RONIN

Recently, with the publishing of not one but three books on the
Shimomura versus Mitnick 'takedown', the public has gotten hold of
different versions of the latest trail leading to the arrest and
capture of zaiboh ronin Mitnick in February 1995. Out of these three
versions, supposed of the true story, only one book is a good read;
the rest are destined for the remainder bin in some discount
bookstore chain. This book is Jeff Goodell's The Cyberthief and the
Samurai: the true story of Kevin Mitnick - and the man who hunted him
down (Dell 1996). The other two books are forgettable, and bad
journalism to boot, especially the collaborative effort of Shimomura
and John Markoff.

Markoff claims in the latter book that he wrote Cyberpunk, but omits
the fact that his ex-wife Katie Hafner wrote most of Cyberpunk - he
only supplied the source for each section in the book. You can tell
Hafner's book is written by her by her liberal characterization of
each 'dark-side' hacker in negative terms. In an Esquire article in
1995, Hafner interviewed a Mitnick associate, fellow zaiboh ronin
Susie Thunder and tinged her journalistic effort yellow in the
process. The article neglected to mention the human side of Mitnick,
which Thunder told her about, and made out Susie to be nothing more
than a conniving whore.

Later, at the Las Vegas hacker convention DefCon '95 in Las Vegas,
Susie was subjected to sexual harrassment by wannabes and
subsequently went underground in early 1996. As a prank, some lamer
at the conventionput a crude sign on her back that read: "I give
blowjobs". This was probably inspired by Hafner's Esquire article,
in which she records Susie contemplating making some easy money.

OF OTAKU WANNABES AND OVERCOMING THE MINDSET OF PATRIARCHISM

This is typical of otaku wannabes who have been brainwashed by the
subliminal propaganda of patriarchism. Despite her unfortunate birth
and early exposure to drugs and sex as a street urchin growing up in
Southern California (SoCal), Susie Thunder is today a street-smart
woman.

It is the fact that she is a woman and better adept at subversive
psychology than most male wannabes are at social engineering that has
made her reviled in cyberspace.

The fascism of sexism makes weak-willed men always willing to walk
all over women's rights, and intimidate intelligent women into
submission. On the Info Pike, this is accomplished through
offensive flames, intimidating mailbomb campaigns, and other forms
of disruptive behavior. It is pointless to analyze such behavior
and rationalize it away. This is not the way of the zaiboh otaku.

Once on-line, no one knows your true gender. Therefore, the
on-going polarization by gender is likewise counter-productive to
the co-evolution of the sexes, especially on the 'Net. Equality of
the sexes is only possible when we realize that once you strip away
reseverations and bare your soul, your humanity is the only dignity
left.

Thus the true zaiboh otaku has the right to refuse to state her
gender unless the current group obeys the unwritten rule that no form
of subliminal gender warfare and conquest will take place without her
consent. Any male who does not first request permission to practise
a limited form of such a wargame, limited by her rules, should be
exposed for the sexist pig he truly is. Any woman who compromises
herself by playing along with otaku wannabes who mindlessly cling to
their oppressively sexist mindsets are only continuing the
setting-sun principles of patriarchy, and are thus not worthy of
being called otaku. There are cruder words for them and their kind.
However, abusive name-calling of lesser otaku on the Info Pike is a
waste of computer resources.

THE FUTURE OF ZAIBOH OTAKU

In order to consolidate precious computer resources, the zaiboh otaku
learns the Keep It Simple Stupid (KISS) philosophy. This simple
philosophy governs his programming style, his interaction with other
like-minded otaku, be they zaibo ronin or samurai or mundane lesser
otaku. Complex social interaction is beyond him, yet he knows enough
of psychology to understand why a poseur may find his Machiavellian
machinations a tad bit too much.

At times, his every action may seem cold, calculating and cruel; but
when the heat is on, the true zaiboh otaku becomes like water, and
goes with the flow. To the unenlightened wannabe, this seems like
mystical doublespeak. To the learned ronin or samurai, this is only
the beginning of a new reality.

If we allow ourselves to cling to the setting-sun ways of over 3,000
years of sexist oppression and violent warfare, then we are no better
off than our Neanderthal ancestors immediately prior to their
assimilation by the Cro Magnon. If we continue to believe the
bald-face lies that capitalism has taught us over the past 160 years,
then our honor will be compromised by the biggest scam since the
Green-card caper over four years ago.

IN PRAISE OF THE ZAIBOH HEROINES

The lies spread by John Markoff and other people of his kind have
done nothing good for cyberspace. Instead, it has lead to such
things as the CDA and the capture of Mitnick, as well as celebrating
Mark Lottor in a unmentioned Internet magazine that is now losing
money, and throwing snipes at its web site, whose staff sit in an
air-conditioned office while their hardcopy compatriots sweat over
each money-losing deadline. We'll forget 'Eric Heinz' and his
silicone augmented girlfriend.

Instead we will not forget such fallen heroines of the Info Pike as:

Redmond Rose, the author of most good things
to come out of Microsoft since 1991, whose story is chronicled in
Fear and Loathing at Microsoft. However, Microsoft refuses to
compensate her for the suffering they caused her, citing EEOC
judgement in their favor as well as bogus harassment charges against
her. Even the local Redmond police were probably on the Microsoft
payrolls during much of the time this case took place.

Susie Thunder, whose career spans two decades, from
her early days as drug user to hooker to masseuse to security
consultant, and later, Tradewars fanatic. Currently underground, and
no longer readily accessible on the 'Net, she continues to struggle
against the tangible oppression of an openly patriarchal society that
has only empty promise of global emancipation for women, and reserves
scorn for any intelligent woman who dares to openly challenge the
male-dominated status quo that is the domain of free-market capitalism.

All the women in cyberspace who have been harassed and intimidated into
submission on-line — if only for speaking their minds — by
piggish men thinking with the wrong head just like their male
antecedents before them are truly zaiboh otaku.

(This article is in no way a treatise for left-wing politics nor for
socialism. Instead it is inspired by the Hacker Ethics, which serves
as the moral code of Cyberspace.)

Wildfires Hit California Due to Lack of Water

FOX News recently had the gall to suggest that the raging wildfires in California may have been the result of an Al-Qaeda plot.

I beg to differ.

The wildfires are because there are so many people in that region of California that after watering their lawns and keeping their pools filled, there is no water left to fight a deliberately set arson fire or even the occasional lightning strike during a storm.

This is the monsoon season in California.

The real reason for desertification of the Salton Sea area as well as drought in Nevada and Arizona is due to the deep thirst California has for water.

And yet, on the roof of most buildings in the area, water is dripping off air conditioning units!!!!

Taser Abuse Led to Man's Death

Taser use was not indicated regarding the deceased since he had not threatened any person, not even the cops.

Rather the cops considered him to be a threat, and reacted to a situation in which they were ignorant of him being in that part of the airport for 10 hours.

As well, the airport had no policy to ensure landed immigrants get in contact with their sponsors quickly. Language barriers prevented this, and this makes me wonder why no on thought to contact a member of the Polish community to help the deceased.

So essentially, Canada killed the deceased through its agents, the police, for being hostile and threatening to the State.

Vancouver Airport owes the deceased's mother compensation and the RCMP should apologize and stop pretending it didn't do anything wrong.

American Empire's War on Iraq Always about Oil

In Iraq, the US won't leave until it gets control of the oil.

It has nothing to do with terrorism. This war has always been about sucking oil out of the ground so American people can still drive their cars.

What America calls Muslim terrorists are actually Arabic militants, mainly, who are similar to Christian fundamentalist militants in that they are fighting to establish a misogynist, violent theocracy in which men are the boss.

Both cultures are deathly afraid of women, especially women's sexuality and react by repressing it through violent means.

Even so, militants are still freedom fighters in that they fight for the freedom of a patriarchal society, meaning free in the sense that a man is free to kill another person in the name of God, which sort of makes their killings a form of ritual sacrifice and thus also makes them Satanic.

The ironic thing is, they think everyone against them is Satanic. However, any ideology that condones violence is not in league with God. This includes even the less violent American Empire.

Getting back to the oil, it is obvious that Big Oil is controlling the shots in Iraq. America is not leaving until the oil deal in Iraq favours them.

What this eventually means for Iraq is possible economic sanctions for any Wahhabi-influenced Muslim activity in the future. What this means is inserting hatred for other groups like the Jews and unbelievers in Muslim school books may be seen as a form of international hate crime.

Currently, most Muslim school books do have hate messages, despite assurances by the Saudi PR zczar.

This is not different from certain Christian groups writing homophobic articles and making homophobic statements. And contrary to their claims that it is a moral issue, homophobia is actually a reaction to the threat that homosexuality has on propagation of the species. If everyone went gay, then birth rates would plummet. This means mess potential souls to save, and potentail access to their assets by churchpeople.

Aside from that, the War On Iraq has always been Big Oil's Proxy War for Iraq's Oil. As well, the Axis of Evil known as Iran, Syria and North Korea is all about Big Oil's lust for oil in those nations.

Sadly though, don't expect Big Oil to clean up its mess. It will pretend it has nothing to do with terrorists. This is a lie, because the US military is the world's biggest terrorist group in the world.

The Secret of Peace

A questioner asked the Buddha: "I would like to know about the state of peace, the state of solitude and of quiet detachment. How does a person become calm, independent, and not wanting to grasp at anything?"

"A person does this," replied the Buddha, "by eradicating the delusion of 'I am.' By being alert and attentive, he begins to let go of cravings as they arise. But whatever he begins to accomplish, he should beware of inner pride. He must avoid thinking of himself as better than another, or worse or equal, for that is all comparison and emphasizes the self.

"The person should look for peace within and not depend on it in any other place. For when a person is quiet within, the self cannot be found. There are no waves in the depths of the ocean, it is still and unbroken. It is the same with the peaceful person. He is still, without any longing to grasp. He has let go the foundations of self and no longer builds up pride and desire."

-Sutta Nipata

Likewise, a nation should look for peace within, for it cannot come from outside its own borders. When that nation is quiet within its borders, the cult of selfishness will have been vanquished. For the depths of the ocean makes no waves. The same goes for the peaceful nation. It is still, lacking any longing to hold onto anything. It has released the root of selfishness and no longer invests in pride and desire.

Let the Heart Lead (poem)

With the right training
the mind is a precious tool.
Ego forgotten, feelings yielding
to the tamed mind leads
the way to the heart of Tao.
Yet when common sense fails us,
neither ego nor the untamed mind are of use.

All that is left then is the heart.
Fed by desire and passion,
emotions and feelings seem wonderful,
yet are worthless clothing the ego.
Indeed, the humble power of the heart
helps us to forget ourselves,
and to wield Mind softly with love.

Gently desires paint
the soul with the melody of passion,
until the sunrise of compassion
awakens our hearts to the Tao.

Letting go of desire,
grasping only straw,
let the heart lead.

I Love You! ( Poem)

(to be used when you know it's the time to say it!)


When we first met,
we were strangers.
So I tried to do the things
friends do when they meet.
So I conforted you
when you were afraid,
and always believed in you.

With trust love grows stronger,
and overflows the heart.
Then it seems fitting to
say "I love you."

Now we are friends,
no longer strangers.
Now it's time to say the things
we held off saying.
So I will say to you,
whenever we meet,
these simple words: "I love you."

With trust, I grow closer
to you until I feel
that it is the time to
say "I love you".

It is hard to stop
from loving you, and
I can almost see us meet.
For my love for you is deep,
and when I am at a loss for words,
I can still say to you,
"I love you."
Yes, darling, I love you!
I can say it without shyness.
"I love you!"
Right from the bottom of my heart,
all I hear deep inside of me is,
"I love you!"

With trust, we grow closer
to each other until
it is the right time to
say "I love you".

It is hard to stop
from loving you, and
I can almost see us meet.
For my love for you is deep,
and when I am at a loss for words,
I can still say to you,
"I love you."
Yes, darling, I love you!
I can say it without shyness.
"I love you!"
Right from the bottom of my heart,
all I hear deep inside of me is,
"I love you!"
"I Love You!"

The Real Peacemakers

People whose integrity bas not been damaged in childhood, who were protected, respected, and treated with honesty by their parents, will be - both in their youth and in adulthood - intelligent, responsive, empathic, and highly sensitive.

They will take pleasure in life and will not feel any need to kill or even hurt others or themselves. They will use their power to defend themselves, not to attack others. They will not be able to do otherwise than respect and protect those weaker than themselves, including their children, because this is what they have learned from their own experience, and because it is this knowledge (and not the experience of cruelty) that has been stored up inside them from the beginning.

It will be inconceivable to such people that earlier generations had to build up a gigantic war industry in order to feel comfortable and safe in this world. Since it will not be their unconscious drive in life to ward off intimidation experienced at a very early age, they will be able to deal with attempts at intimidation in their adult life more rationally and more creatively. -- Alice Miller

Critique of Kramer and Alstad's The Guru Papers Masks of Authoritarian Power

While Kramer and Alstad have good intentions in the Guru Papers, it is obvious that a subtle socialist view of religion is present.

They even attack Eastern religions, and thus ultimately disrespect the Buddha.

Possibly their work has influenced left-wing thinkers who conclude Buddhism is as authoritarian as monotheism because it is a religion, ignoring the fact that Buddhism was itself a critique of the Hinduism of the Buddha's time.

If the Buddha was originally authoritarian at the start of his popularity, he was not when he died.

At first, he refused to allow women to join, due to misogyny he inherited from his Hindu roots. Then he has a change of heart when he realized that gender does not truly determine who reaches Nirvana.

I know several sutras sound misogynist, but they may have been written by Hindus because by the time most sutras were written, they were written at the school at Nalanda and mainly were written by Hindus. The school at Nalanda was a Hindu-Buddhist school.

Thus, any Oneness religion from India is authoritarian because Hinduism is an authoritarian religion. For Buddhism is a lot more unconditional than Hinduism is.

The Good and the Bad: Temp Agency Clerks and Social Workers

A few civil servants (temp agency clerks) are like the little stones which make you stumble when you walk bare-foot on the beach of hard knocks.

If you resist them, then they will assimilate you i.e. reduce your funding by misrepresenting your case to a case worker.

Today, most case workers are assigned a client by "alphabetic lottery", where the client's last name is matched up to the last name of a social worker.

However, this association of worker with client changes weekly in catchment areas where client to work ratios are high and monthly where they are low.

This is because workers tend to lose their objectivity when they listen to the client's life story, whether it is told by the client or by other workers who know of hir. As well, temporary stress leave is regularly assigned to busy social workers. This job is not for workaholics because it will burn you out.

However, new clients should never divulge their life story to a worker. If a worker cannot get a background report on a client from other workers or from the archives at the Victoria office, then it is better that way.

Woe to the worker who sympathizes!

Mental illness as Consumer Product

Mental illness is a recent tool used by the government and people in power to control other people. Thus the psychotropic drugs are not used to cure the illness -- this is evidenced by the lifetime use of the drugs - but to create symptoms that can be attributed to the illness itself, rather than to drug toxicity and brain dysfunction actually caused by said drugs.

This is not to imply that mental illness does not exist but to point out that prior to the commercialization of mental health, what we call mentally ill people were shamans, priests, and diviners.

To illustrate this, there is the incident of a Burmese priest who picked a louse off his robe, and declared that he had no right to kill this pest even though such creatures are harmful to animals and man, alike. The point is, religious compassion like this also seems like mental illness when we follow rigidly the Western paradigm involving hygiene.

I would submit that much of what is called mental illness is actually supposedly mentally healthy people in authority projecting their fears about people behaving outside of society's narrow paradigms, paradigms arbitrarily abused by people in power in order to maintain their power and control over others, i.e. behavior management.

Indeed, this is calculated behavior by dominant people in power, because they fear loss of control since in most situations involving people upon which they project their fears, the person they fear is out of their control completely.

In conclusion, what I have said so far implies that it may well be that people in power tend to have a phobia about mental illness but may be more dangerous than you or I will ever be, because of their willingness to abuse power in order to keep one of their peers powerless, just because of the way they initially treat him prior to his psychological collapse.

A Thousand Thanks ( poem)

I can't stand to live
a life without meaning.
If I tried, I'd fall.
If I fell, I'd see
my life begin to
slowly slip away.
You might not see me
dying right away,
but deep inside me,
the pain is trying
to escape from me.

A thousand thanks
would never begin
to heal this soul,
but one moment of
silence can remove
all my many fears.

A life lived with
meaning begins with
love unconditional.
Try and try again;
never give up.
In this way,
all pain dies away.
Then you can live yet
for another day.

A thousand thanks
is a good beginning
to heal this soul,
and one moment of
silence takes away
all my many fears.

Duvallstar: a Review

This past Friday, October 5, 2007, around 9:40 PM I had a chance to catch 4 bands playing at the Penthouse. Although I made it through three of the bands before attending to a new friend who partied too hearty, I managed to get their albums. Kudoes to Duvallstar, The Belushis and The Price of Drugs These Days Is Through the Roof. Maybe next time Nim Vind plays, I'll have to buy their CD to complete this set.

However, my review is about Duvallstar, because I only managed to get a good photo of myself with Siobhan Duvall.

Duvall's Star album has been playing since 2001. Her ten songs can even turn about a nu-fan like myself, mainly because it includes a cover of Nena's 99 Red Balloons.

According to the gossip, Duvall started off with the Bombshells. After the Bombshells disbanded in 1994, she got invited to play guitar for Bif Naked. This helped her evolve from pop-punk with meaningful lyrics a la Alice in Chains to something new wave, which help set her vocal style.

After she went solo in 1996, Duvall went on to do gigs in 1998. After opening for Bif Naked, she went on to record Star in 2001.

It is hard to fathom why she didn't get beyond just one album, but her early excursion with the Bombshells possibly sets her overall style into a niche market attracting enough fans to finance her living in Vancouver. She also has lent her voice out to other bands, such as the Black Halos.

Her style today is called "punk rock power pop", because most of her lyrics deal with some aspect of everyday life yet may express a strong desire to deal with it.

In addition, power punk is powered by a minimum a guitar and drums.

Overall, the songs turned out very well, and her 99 Red Balloons cover on the album is a joy to listen to. My favorites on her album are The Flying Song, One Little Question, 99 Red Balloons and Star.

Regarding her performance Friday night, it helps that Duvall sings like a cross between Debbie Harry and Biff Naked with Joan Jett thrown in for good measure.

However, because she was missing her bass player, Duvall had to belt out her songs accompanied only by her drummer. I do not know why the mixer had her voice set so low in volume, but felt strongly that she could use a keyboardist to help set the melody.

During the set that started off the 4 Bands at the Penthouse "tour", Duvall mentioned that she had a root canal. I feel honoured to help pay part of that dentist's bill by buying her album!

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Background on Siobhan Duvall's career is here: http://store.mp3tunes.com/artist_details.php?artist_id=11719&display=full.

Saffron Shuffle / 8888 Remix - poem

Almost 20 years of cruel oppression
culminated in a rise in gas prices.
Those gas prices in Rangoon led to
20,000 monks protesting in Burma.
Those protests led to 200 dead, today.
Yet various countries, including Canada,
allow companies to deal with the generals.
This is why the UN is slow to act.

Welcome to the Saffron Revolution,
where monks shuffle under the noses
of the Generals who rule Myanmar.
This Saffron shuffle will go on
until the world is distracted
by an even bigger spectacle.
Do not ever forget this: 8888 Lives!
Free Burma from poverty and corruption!

At the root of all this trouble is
the karma of British rule, and of
the original monarchy in Burma.
Although the Generals are Marxists,
their military dictatorship is
not unlike the Soviet Union's.
They learned well from the British
and the Japanese, but not from their people.

Welcome to the Saffron Revolution,
where monks shuffle under the noses
of the Generals who rule Myanmar.
This Saffron shuffle goes on now
while the world is distracted
by an even bigger spectacle.
Never ever forget this: 8888 Lives!
Free Burma from poverty and corruption!

Never ever forget this: 8888 Lives!
Free Burma from poverty and corruption!
Free Burma from poverty and corruption!
Free Burma from poverty and corruption!

Free Burma!

NOW True Calm and Natures Harmony Rhodiola with Cordyceps

NOW True Calm is an "amino acid relaxing formula" consisting of:

• niacinamide (45 mg),
• pyridoxine (8 mg),
• magnesium (13 mg),
• GABA - gamma aminobutyric acid (200 mg),
• glycine (200 mg),
• taurine (200 mg),
• inositol (100 mg) and
• valerian root (25 mg).

Niacinamide is a derivative of vitamin B-3 can be used for the treatment of arthritis by aiding the body in its production of cartilage.This product is often used for energy drinks. Nicotinamide is a water-soluble component of the vitamin B complex group. Nicotinamide has demonstrated anti-inflammatory actions which may be of benefit in patients with inflammatory acne vulgaris, including but not limited to, suppression of antigen induced-lymphocytic transformation and inhibition of 3'-5' cyclic AMP phosphodiesterase.

Pyridoxine is one of the compounds that can be called vitamin B6, along with Pyridoxal and Pyridoxamine. Pyridoxine assists in the balancing of sodium and potassium as well as promoting red blood cell production. It is linked to cardiovascular health by decreasing the formation of homocysteine. It has been suggested that Pyridoxine might help children with learning difficulties, and may also prevent dandruff, eczema, and psoriasis. It is required for the production of the monoamine neurotransmitters serotonin, dopamine, noradrenaline and adrenaline as it is the cofactor for the enzyme aromatic amino acid decarboxylase. This enzyme is responsible for converting the precusors 5-hydroxytryptophan (5-htp) into serotonin and 3,4-dihydroxyphenylalanine (l-dopa) into dopamine, noradrenaline and adrenaline. As such it has been implicated in the treatment of depression and anxiety.

Magnesium is a vital component of a healthy human diet and deficiency has been implicated in a number of human diseases. Magnesium is readily available in many common foods but studies indicate that many Americans are magnesium deficient. Supplemental magnesium is readily available and it is also difficult to overdose on magnesium. General failure of the Kidneys may also lead to magnesium imbalance.

GABA is an amino acid produced naturally by the brain. It inhibits the over-stimulation of excessive nerve impulses - a condition that often leads to stress, irritability and sleep deprivation.

Glycine is one of 20 amino acids found in protein. It is synthesized in the body from serine using pyridoxal phospate - the phosphate form of Vitamin B6, and is found in collagen, which contains about 35% glycine. Glycine is an inhibitory neurotransmitter in the central nervous system, especially in the spinal cord, brainstem, and retina.

Taurine, or 2-aminoethanesulfonic acid, is an organic acid that is a major constituent of bile, and can be found in lower amounts in the tissues of many animals including humans. There is also evidence that taurine in adult humans reduces blood pressure. It can help reduce body weight. Currently taurine is being tested as an anti-manic treatment for bipolar depression. Taurine is also found in energy drinks, where it may help reduce muscle fatigue.

Inositol, (of which the most prominent naturally-occurring form is myo-inositol, cis-1,2,3,5-trans-4,6-cyclohexanehexol), is a carbocyclic polyol that plays an important role as the structural basis for a number of secondary messengers in eukaryotic cells, including inositol phosphates, phosphatidylinositol (PI) and phosphatidylinositol phosphate (PIP) lipids. Myo-Inositol is classified as a member of the vitamin B complex (often referred to as vitamin B8), and is synthesized by the human body. Some preliminary results of studies on inositol supplements show promising results for people suffering from problems such as bulimia, panic disorder and bipolar depression. Myo-inositol has been found in double-blind studies to be an effective treatment for obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

Valerian (Valeriana officinalis, Valerianaceae) is a hardy perennial flowering plant, with heads of sweetly scented pink or white flowers. Tossing, turning and lost sleep are some of the most common physical byproducts of an unhealthy mood. Valerian is a 100% natural, safe and non-addictive herbal extract that works in the brain by inhibiting the nerve impulses that prevent the body from attaining pure, uninterrupted slumber. It has been used safely for centuries...

Natures Harmony Rhodiola with Cordyceps consists of:

• Rhodiola rosea extract (50 mg), and
• Cordyceps sinensis (250 mg)

Maintains energy, stamina and mental focus.

Rhodiola rosea is a plant in the Crassulaceae family that grows in cold regions of the world. Rhodiola rosea is effective for improving mood and alleviating depression. Russian research shows that it improves both physical and mental performance, reduces fatigue, and prevents high altitude sickness. Rhodiola rosea's effects are attributed to its ability to optimise serotonin and dopamine levels, due to monoamine oxidase inhibition and to its influence on opioid peptides such as beta-endorphins. Substances like these are referred to as adaptogens. They differ from stimulants, and do not have the same health consequences as nicotine, etc.

Cordyceps is a genus of ascomycete fungi that includes thousands of species. The species that parasitizes the vegetable caterpillar — Cordyceps sinensis — is the most famous of these, having long been considered a precious ingredient in Chinese traditional medicines. Some Cordyceps species are sources of biochemicals with interesting biological and pharmacological properties, like cordycepin... Cordyceps sinensis is a species of fungus found in southwest, mountainous China that attacks caterpillars, specifically the larvae of hepialid moths (identified as species of Hepialus or Thitarodes). The entire fungus-caterpillar combination is hand-collected for medicinal use. In Chinese medicine C. sinensis is considered sweet and warm, it enters the Lung and Kidney channels, and the typical dosage is 3-9 grams.

Mileva Maric Einstein: The woman behind Einstein's genius

http://www.historytelevision.ca/monthlyfeatures/Einstein/mileva/

This revealing look at Einstein's early years will add to speculation about how much Mileva contributed to the Special Theory of Relativity and other works that Einstein contributed to.

What can be substantiated is that Einstein provided the ideas and Mileva provided the math.

This website will fill out the details of Mileva's life, offering a deeper understanding about her care and concern for her second son, Eduard.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mileva_Maric

Here's proof that Maric contributed greatly to Einstein's work on special relavity:
http://christianparty.net/einsteinmarity.htm

And by the way, the inspiration for E=mc2 is Olinto De Pretto.
Yes, the Italian physicist De Pretto mentioned this famous equation 2 years before Einstein did.

Depression Is A Choice

MYTH: Depression is a medical illness caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain.
FACT: The cause of depression is not known. Its symptoms are associated with low serotonin levels in the brain but there is no proof that low serotonin causes depression.

MYTH: The chemical balance in the brain cannot be changed by thinking or behavior.
FACT: Research studies at the UCLA School of Medicine show that cognitive-behavioral therapy alone actually causes chemical changes in the brain.

MYTH: The diagnosis and treatment of depression is based upon the neurobiological and psychological data of the patient.
FACT: The diagnosis and treatment of depression is typically based on the presence or absence of self-reported symptoms alone.

MYTH: Manic depression is a genetic disease
FACT: According to Paul R. McHugh, psychiatrist-in-chief of Johns Hopkins University Hospital, manic depression is a presumed disease. The presumption, he declares, "carries the implication that some as-yet-undemonstrated pathological mechanisms and etiological agencies will emerge to explain the stereotyped set of symptoms."

MYTH: Doctors cannot prescribe medicine to cure a theory
FACT: Doctors can prescribe medicine for a theory if they call it a disease, such as depression, even without any corroborating physiological proof that such a disease actually exists. They only have to prove, in blind studies, that the medicine makes people self-report feeling a little better than those who took placebos. Placebos also have a significant mood-elevating effect.

MYTH: Depression is not learned
FACT: A research study done of college roommates shows that among roommates of the same sex, depression (but not anxiety) was contagious.

MYTH: Anti-depressants are the most effective cure for depression.
FACT: In a 1999 study at Duke University scientists found that three 30-minute workouts each week brought relief equal to drug treatment. A Psychometric Medicine study found that 40% of patients relying on drugs were stricken with depression again within 6 months versus only 8 % who exercised. Dr. Robin B. Jarrett in a 1999 landmark study at the University of Texas found cognitive psychotherapy as effective as MAO inhibitors for major depressive disorder with affective features.

MYTH: Mental disorders are diagnosed using the same scientific criteria as general medicine.
FACT: General medicine abandoned appearance-based classifications a century ago as being unreliable-symptoms must be validated by specific physiological pathologies. Mental disorders however are diagnosed by the appearance of symptoms alone, even self-reported symptoms. Committees of psychologists and psychiatrists draw up lists of symptoms and give the lists illness names. Then they vote these various illnesses "in" or "out" of their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders according to the prevailing prejudices of the day.

*** Regular exercise, cognitive psychotherapy, and the simple act of adding flaxseed oil and calcium and magnesium pills to your diet will improve depression more cheaply than antidepressants. Indeed, the natural antidepressants of endorphins (the feel-good brain chemicals) are safe and effective.

Keep Out of Trouble (Avoid the Pain) - poem

We met in a club, listening
to kick-ass music.
You got introduced to me
by someone I know.
Now I am here walking
you to the bus home.

It's hard not to help
someone when they are down.
I couldn't live with
myself if you fell down.
So keep out of trouble
when you go out to town.

When you fell and stumbled
I helped you to your feet.
When it became apparent
you needed more help
than I could provide,
I called the Skytrain cop over.

It's hard not to help
someone when they've fallen.
I couldn't live with
myself if you were hurt.
So keep out of trouble
when you go out again.

(bridge)
When drink is not in
moderation, it overwhelms.
When passion is out
of control, it sucks you in.
Few people can withstand
the fate of karma.

It's hard not to help
someone when they've fallen.
I couldn't live with
myself if you were hurt.
So keep out of trouble
when you go out again.

So keep out of trouble
when you go out again.

Just keep out of trouble,
and you will avoid the pain.

Night Out at a Yaletown Internet Cafe

Currently I am sitting back at an internet cafe a block from the Yaletown Book Warehouse, kitty corner from Cossette and the Yaletown 7-11.

Okay, I have no idea where I am but I do know that I am the oldest person in this internet cafe. Shocking!

At three bucks an hour, this place offers internet at half the price paid about 10 years ago for such service, which consists of a gaming computer, a DVD/CD RW combo and AMD Inside. I think it was slower back then, and the burner was only a CD RW unit. My! Times sure have changed.

Although I have no way of determining the speed of this XP box, it is the usual XP Professional knockoff. ;)

There is a concert on at the Penthouse, which is to mqke up for the crappy hours the strip bar gets now (8pm to 1 am mon to thu and 8pm to 2am, fri-sat) as opposed to its strip club heydays over 15 years ago.

In about 25 minutes I am gonna call up my friend Gary to ask if Guardian Angels is done so he can meet up with me outside the Penthouse.

BC Premier Sets Good Example for BC Drinkers

Well, the side effects of former lush and Premier of BC, Gordon Campbell's cash grab from the pockets of 20something drinkers is confirmed: Wakefest will not operate in Kelowna again, due to the lack of moderation shown by Wakefest patrons, many of whom showed up without a ticket.

The crowd got so bad the Kelowna RCMP almost panicked and called in the riot squad, which would have been wonderful to see in action throwing tear gas to pacify the crowd as they stumble away with eyes tearing.

Other venues cancelled due to hard drinking rowdies:

• Vancouver's First Night Festival


• White Rock's Sandcastle Competition


• North Vancouver's Hose Reel Festival


• Kelowna's Regatta


• Vancouver's Sea Festival

WTF is with people who drink to excess and then act out of control? Don't they care that the BC government is laughing all the way to the bank?

Probably not, but with government coffers bursting at the seams with millions of provincial sales tax dollars you'd think someone with a sober head in Victoria is actually pressuring bars, clubs, lounges and restaurants to put up pro-moderation posters to curb thirsty patrons' excessive drinking.

Sadly though, most recreational drinkers just laugh at the posters and drink more.

Pure and Strong, This Unconditional Love (poem)

Pure as the cool raindrops
falling from the sky,
this love knows no bounds,
only happiness and joy.
Strong as the gentle breeze,
only knowing love,
this soul seeks the one
who embraces with ease.
And I who am not innocent
still stands up tall to
face the day as I am,
unafraid and willing to be

Pure as the warm sunshine
upon my own face,
this love knows the joy
that happiness can bring.
Strong as the ocean waves
breaking upon the beach,
this soul is at one
with all, home once again.
Thus I who am no innocent
will arise to meet
the day without regret,
unafraid and willing to see

Love untouched by hatred,
pure as the angels above,
strong as the warrior,
unafraid of the changes within.
Oh! Do not be afraid
when your emotions grasp
what is left of your heart.
Just love with true innocence,
and believe in who you trust!
For He who is near is
nearer to thee, when grasped
by His unconditional love.