Search This Blog

20120419

My Transit Fare Proposal

I sent the following fare proposal to Translink. When whoever reads and responds to e-mail replies, I'll add it as a comment. Anyway, here's the fare increase proposal:
Why can't Translink make the two zones north of Fraser all one zone at $3.75 & south of Fraser (Surrey, Delta & Langley) $2.25? Crossing the new two-zone boundary would be $1.50. After all, the majority of riders use the system north of the Fraser River & they should pay more because they get all the perks like Canada Line, bus stops with Next Bus times, and the Millennium Line. Eventually (in 5 years) the fares can go up to $4 North of Fraser and down to $2 south of Fraser with a $2 boundary fee, due to the fact that the population growth north of the Fraser River will eventually rise faster than all the municipalities South of Fraser River (Delta, Surrey, Langley). This is more reasonable a fare raise than what was currently proposed because, as I've said before, more people north of the Fraser River use the system than Delta, Surrey & Langley! Now that I've given you my proposed fare schedule, let your beancounters crunch the numbers & I bet it will help afford putting in faregates at Main Street Station and Metrotown Station as well as support the corporate welfare of $60K per transit council director!!

For people who don't live in the Greater Vancouver Regional District (GVRD) or even Delta, Surrey & Langley, I suggest you Google "Translink" and do some research. The way Translink raises fares unjustly imposes a greater fare increase ridership in Delta, Surrey & Langley, who actually subsidize ridership north of the Fraser River. There are actually more riders in the GVRD who never cross a zone but only pay $2.50, but every time someone buses in from south of the Fraser River, they pay double before 6.30 PM weekdays. As well, for the 90 minutes that their ticket is good for, most people within the GVRD north of Fraser actually get to more places they want to than the few people who bus all the way out of Langley. It takes about a half hour to get to the Skytrain in Surrey from Langley, and about 45 minutes to downtown Vancouver. For most places in Vancouver proper, you're no more than a half hour from shopping and other amenities. This leaves the average person riding the bus with about 20 minutes of shopping & time to return home on that ticket!! Compare this to the 15 minutes & the fare home ($2.50) for the poor people travelling from Langley. This suggests that in about 10 years time, it'd serve the ridership south of Fraser to raise the time limit to 2 hours.

Results of email: the usual thanks, we're sticking to the fare prices. thanks for contributing.

I'm astounded because the current fares do not increase ridership. My rider ship went up because my disability allows me a yearly bus pass for $45. The planned fare hike is not going to make riding a bus as attractive as lowering it. Translink will need to do something to change our minds that their fare hike in the coming months actually to raise ridership.

20120409

Bipolar Disorder as Metaphor: It's not Just Venus vs Mars

Bipolar disorder is a metaphorical fight between Mars (sexuality, libido, nymphomania) and Venus (fertility, motherhood, feminine wisdom). Antidepressants put the disorder into remission by sedating Mars. Personally, I prefer seducing my inner Venus, but feminists would object.

Depression is represented by Saturn, the metaphor of limitation of control and power. Neptune represents inspirational and intuitive energy, and with respect to mental health, may signify hypomania.

The Sun may represent egocentricity, and ego-related disorders.

Moon represents the mind and emotions, but is also representative of the Oedipus complex.

Mercury represents the intellect and reason. This may be unaffected by the other planets. However, the egocentricity of the Sun has a strong influence on Mercury, with possible defects in intellect affecting rational thought.

Jupiter may indicate the religious affect of mental illness, which may be due to bipolar disorder.

20120403

Did Mohamed Merah Truly Kill Anyone?

French news spun a story scapegoating Mohamed Merah recently.

Evidence may show that Merah was shooting in self defense when he escaped his apartment after being targeted by French police, his suite doused with teargas.

His actual crime may have only been stockpiling illegal weapons.

Merah died March 22 after a lengthy chat with police qas he holed up in his apartment.

20120311

Real reason for Kony Campaign

#STOPKONY so we can steal Ugandan oil!

KONY was preventable, had Kony's village not do what they did to him.

For him being a bullying they basically shunned him.

That just made him become a monster.

I bet Kony was a bed wetter.
I bet Kony was an arsonist.
I bet Kony killed animals.

Ain't that the triad of a serial killer?

20120307

Student Walks Away From Her Laptop at University

In the UBC Library, the signs say, "Don't walk away from your possessions because thieves will steal it."

So why would this student leave her laptop and books, to go to the washroom?

Perhaps it's because 9 times out of 10, her possessions will still be there.

Yet, I'm still mystified, because thieves still steal stuff from UBC employees when they leave the safe domain of UBC.

Sexuality is The Choice Made Unaware

Nurturance by caregivers determine our sexuality more so than the nature of our genetics.

Thus sexuality is a hierarchy of unconscious choices, similar to the ones we make before we learn language.

Sexual orientation is the end result of these choices.

Indeed, the treatment of a child by their parents, their peers and society determines whether s/he will prefer to socialize with male or female but the choice of sexual orientation depends on who s/he feels comfortable with.

Although this may feel like s/he has little choice, that is because this choice is foremost an unconscious choice.

If one feels as though one has no choice in the matter, then that is because sexual orientation occurs without reasoning since sexual desire is based on feelings.

Any reasoning is made ex profacto.

For love grows after the fact of making it,

The Story of John

da story of john

dis John, he pay $800 for a ho.
dis john, he los' his virginity to her
dis John, he hadda hear her chant "hurry.up.and.cum" alla time.
dis John, she got his money's worth in orgasm.
dis John, he never cum — (ok he did but by hand with dat ho twisting his nipples!)

end of john

20120305

Death for Violent Crimes Including Child Abuse & Domestic Violence

Canada should reinstate the death penalty for violent crime.

An eye for an eye, but only if he smote thee one.

Instead, violent perpetrators get life.

This is a waste of our money though, as it costs up to $4 million per prisoner.

It'd be cheaper to use them as cannon fodder, except that would violate their human rights.

Even cheaper would be to detect them before they kill.

20120302

Be Bold (poem)



Be bold, ever colorful
so that nobody
can mistake you for dreaming
butterflies flying
in the garden of the mind.

20120228

Top 5 Sexy Celebrities for 2012

Lily Allen cos she is pleasingly plump!
Madonna just because.
Amy Winehouse, for I yearn for her ghost to sing me to sleep.

ANGELINA JOLIE & BRAD PITT cos Brangelina comes as a matched pair.

20120227

I love my Woogie (poem)

I love my Woogie.
It's always been there for me,
and I reward it
with a tender caress, and
constant attention always
until it shrinks away.

20120224

Snow falling (poem)

Snow falling, so cold
yet so beautiful - no one
doubts such a thing, save
the fool alone in her world,
lost in her own summer.

20120223

Amy Winehouse: Could Anger Be Root of Her Untimely Death?

Although I've read that Amy Winehouse's Frank album was her best work, I never bought it; I got the Back to Black album, in which she cashes in on her notoriety.

My theory about her death is that her mum and dad had lost her when they divorced.

It broke her heart.

It was just a question of time before the issues that the breakup caused would become toxic.

Plus, she'd revealed warning signs after Frank i.e. she didn't like it, mainly cos she felt like she was manufacturing product for the label.

Also, her management team were not always looking out for her best interest.

Their reaction to the UN drug czar's comment a few years ago cinched that.

The lady made unwise choices because of anger issues stemming from her parents' divorce which she refused to get help for, even when offered help.

20120128

On Bob Saget, Bobo the Clown and Whoopie Goldberg

Bob Saget is what happens when one fat cocky 22 yr old has a life or death situation involving a burst appendicitis: he becomes a blue comedian.

I don't doubt that in Bob Saget's case, scleroderma is because being a blue comedian is more stressful than being a circus clown named Bobo.

Poor Bobo on the other hand would be a chronic alcoholic clown, which would make him a sad drunken clown. It's much more tragic than Saget.

If only Bob Saget had a sister who was a celebrity; because, if he did, she'd be in San Francisco saving the AIDS patients incognito like that famous lesbian comedian, Whoopie.

20120124

Violence at Occupy Location == State Terrorism in Action

Remember the shooting at Berkeley in 69 or thereabouts that led to the Kent shooting?

All the shit happening today with Occupy can be attributed to the Establishment pretending student activism == Commies stockpiling guns, which is what Reagan gave as reason to arm police and bring in the National Guard.

It is this prevailing mentality that has lead to violence at Occupy locations around the world.

This violence is not the work of the activists; it is solely the work of the State.

20111215

Oak Bay

I am really peeved that Oak Bay Golf Course has all the great beach side scenes!

Photobucket

20111212

Lawful Rebellion in the Commonwealth

Under Article 61 of the 1215 Magna Carta we British (and citizens of Commonwealth Countries) have the inalienable right to petition the Monarch for grievances by us against Her Parliament, and if she fails to answer our petitions, to enter a state of Lawful Rebellion whereby we become lawfully ungovernable by Parliament. This is reinforced by Paragraph 23 of the 1689 Bill of Rights whereby it makes it unlawful for Parliament to censer us for petitioning the Monarch for grievances against it. — pbrennan42

A suggestion to any GA in the British Commonwealth is this: the writing of a petition to Queen Elizabeth re: Occupy concerns e.g. economic, political and civil rights.

20111123

It's Amazing The 11th Doctor and the Ponds Lasted So Long...

It's the fact the Doctor met her as a 6 yr old, and she fed him fish sticks and custard.

He said he'd be back in 5 minutes, but 12 years went by. Then two more.

They both discussed this until it nearly drove them mad.
When he first takes her away in the Tardis, she's in her nightie. Two years later, she's dressed and ready. She then shows him her wedding dress.

At this point in Series 5, Dr Who Plays matchmaker between Amy and Rory Williams. Both characters die only to come back with Rory as Auton and Amy being restored to life by the Pandorica.


He also let Rory Williams and Amy conceive Melody Pond aka River Song in the Tardis, which resulted in Timelord DNA getting mixed with Melody's.

At the end of Series 6, the universe thinks the Doctor is dead.

Well, I hope the Christmas special sets up Series 7.

Update: Series 7 is coming along excellent. Last I heard the Ponds are no longer companions of the Doctor. Let's hope the Christmas Special endears us to the next companion.

20111119

Marc Lepine and the New Hysteria: A Social Psychoanalysis of Quebecois Society

This is an unauthorized translation from the French of Lise Monette's 14+Un from the CyberTRANS archive. Any embellishments, errors, and omissions in translation is completely mine. Significant editing was done in certain situations where the original word in French had no appropriate phrase, term or word in English. As well, so as to directly state what was subtly hinted at in the French, some sentences were consequently added or edited as needed.

Thus, this translation reflects more of the translater's personal ideology regarding the circumstances of that day on December 6, 1989 in Montreal at the L'ecole Polytechnique.

It's a long read that's worth being closely examined.

In addition, links to appropriate websites concerning persons and people mentioned in the text will be added as may be necessary to aid the reader in researching this political act that arose out of Quebecois society near the end of the 1980s, only to influence both Canadian law (gun control) and its politics in today's post-modern world. - Translator




This mathematical calculation - fourteen corpses of women and a male corpse - was followed by abject horror, erudite sideration and considerable indignation. The result: paralysis of thought.

This essay represents the shortest distance required to start the imaginary re-examination of the dimensions and the symbolic system of this equation based on a really good numerical report.

It will again raise the veil on this scene and those which preceded it and followed to emphasize the identifiable parts of its result and better collect the organizing function of feminist rhetoric in its deployment. An assumption will be made about the anchoring of this course; this marked slaughter had the seal of despair, and - without any doubt of hatred - was an immense gesture of love.

Yet - before being able to make credible this reading - several developments and turnings will prove to be necessary. An archaeology of the unconscious desires of whose this family and social trauma emanates will make it possible to bring enlightenment. So hope for it, but do not overlook its significance.

Following Alice Miller is the belief that behind any crime, a tragedy is its hiding place. However the characteristics of violence, even theoretical, consists of stopping at a certain capacity of mental development, at least temporarily. Violence disarms reason and planning to the point where one cannot think of it while acting on such urges. One needs to trick reason in order to get around what precedes and what follows such violence.

Put in perspective in a causal chain, reason is the binding or connection with direction and progress. Force, being disruptive and anarchistic in the beginning, tears apart the social fabric that ties together both community and family. If any violence conceals a subjective dimension in "what it deceives the subject by being unaware of it" according to the Jesuit psychoanalyst Denis Vasse, it is supported in addition to the social dynamics which conditions it, and often determines its outcome.

In the 3-page manifesto of Marc Lépine, this decoding can be done only as from its own affectivity, its conscious and unconscious desires, its values, its culture, its origin of class, its time, etc. It thus represents an external order with its laws, prohibitions and regulations. The mother transmits - more radically imposes on the psyché of the child, through the body care that she manages - to him the marks of her characteristic psyché: "the maternal word pours a carrying and creative flow direction which pre-empts by far the capacity of the child to recognize the significance of it and to take it again on its account". Feminist ideology and the women symbolic of that ideology were the cause of the alienation of men and of himself in particular. The impassioned debate which followed the tragedy centered on the cogency of this charge. In each camp, in turn, defended its particular ideologies and passed on the attack, either it be Lepine as a symbol of patriarchy or the women as a symbol of feminism.

If we wonder about the place and the function of feminist rhetoric regarding this man in his individual history, we will only wear ourselves out. In addition - more importantly and relevant to his case - of this ideology, it appears that any autonomous and independent woman given access to the economic, sociocultural and patriarchal universe was considered in Lepine's eyes feminist. Thus it was with the coeds of L'ecole Polytechique.

The essential function of any ideology is to halt progress just long enough for it to become rooted in a given culture. That ideology must be organized and - in order to be maintained - must challenge the individual as its servant.

In addition to the arguments and political decisions made due to the events of December 6, 1989, one gets the sense that everyone debating it both privately and in Parliament is delirious in their personal and socialist speech about their respective ideologies as much as Lepine was during his rampage, thus borrowing elements as much from the personal history of Lepine which adds to that of the collective history of Quebecois society. Thus in Quebec, for a long time, the delirious women in psychiatric institutions were committed by the agents of the Catholic Church (e.g. the orphans recently authorized by the Duplessis government to be declared mentally retarded because the government paid better if each orphan was considered mentally ill).

The book of Koechlin, Corridor of Safety, is an illustration of that time. (See Ph. et E. Koechlin, Corridor de sécurité,, Paris, Maspero, 1974)

Alice Miller in her deconstruction of the racism of Hitler exemplifies too this bond between religious ecstasy and delirium in political ideologies. (See A. Miller, C’est pour ton bien. Racines de la violence dans l’éducation de l’enfant, Paris, Aubier, 1989.)

In the very field of specific organic disease, degenerative or terminal, the patient clings to the dominating ambient speech - namely the medical speech - to give significance, and to explain what comes to him of violent and incomprehensible urges. When such urges occur - in certain cases - he completely assimilates the medical jargon and blurs, or even hides, any reference to his word over his relation with his pain and his suffering.

As the dominant ideologies or most frequent of a given medium then become speeches of loan which subsume the word of the psychopath and lend direction, they find a coherence in the psyché on the way to delusion. They bind the anguish of the living who are dispossessed, suicidal and alienated.

Let us return to the heart of our subject.

Why does Marc Lépine become obsessed by feminism? Why does he make a scapegoat of it? Feminism rises against a violent symbolic system which made him yet he chose to write of it in his manifesto. So why does feminism grant so much credibility and of effectiveness to these statements?

We now know how the family violence (both child abuse and domestic abuse) in his childhood proceeded. His mother ended it by asking for divorce and for custody of the children. (Lepine had a younger sister, Nadia). Once a passive woman enduring the yoke of her husband, she was freed from this abusive patriarchal law; now an autonomous worker, she eventually rose above her station as wife of an abusive and often violent man. She becomes similar to these women whom Lepine would later denounce in his manifesto.

Let us make the assumption that the absence of convincing subjective significance of the collapse of the family unit became a ground favorable to its invasion by a plausible explanation of its origin, which could only be simultaneously denounced by the child in distress which Lepine remained, both emotionally and psychologically.

In other words, Marc Lépine denounces and shows "feminism" of his/her mother to be responsible for all his misfortunes. His point of view, by identification, which was to be probably that of the father, from his cultural origins which traditionally develop the submission of the woman to the man. By claiming the equality of the sexes, implicit or clarified, Lepine's mother rocked the balance of power in her marriage. Her financial autonomy and professionalism enabled her to escape from the yoke from her husband. As a result, "feminism" becomes guilty of all the evils of which Marc Lépine was afraid of possessing.

Let us introduce at this point a basic distinction between physical violence and the symbolic system of violence. The first door reached with the physical integrity of the person and inevitably with her psychic integrity; however it can be spread to reach the psychic integrity, in which case we are in the presence of a sadistic libido component. It can be also exerted because she forecloses the subjectivity of the other, i.e. she treats the other like an object without interiority: what dominates then is the instinct to master which is not along the sexual line itself, but rather concerns narcissism.

As for the second, the symbolic system of violence, I will define it starting from Bourdieu and Passeron as "any capacity which manages to impose significances and to impose them as legitimate by dissimulating the balance of power which are at the base of his power and thus adds his own power to these balances of power". (See Bourdieu & Passeron, De la Reproduction, Paris, Éditions de Minuit, 1970, p. 18.)

Also included in this category are all the forms of violence legitimated because of their institutionalization, which greatly ensures their ignorance. Family and public education in the name of the good of the child generates this type of violence. The theory, when it becomes doctrinary, also exerts an ideological terrorism. Thus the phallocentrism of the philosophical speech imposes a form on the thought and word which disqualifies and discredits those which escape from its dictates / diktats.

The violence of peace as described by Viviane Forrester constitutes a more subtle and more pernicious method of it. (V. Forrester, La violence du calme, Paris, Seuil, 1980.)

Produced by coercive forces of a violence such that their manifest exercise becomes superfluous and finally passes unperceived, peace ensures the status quo and the social order. Let us add to this rapid overflight the mental cruelty which uses contempt or ridicule to lower the regard of oneself by the interlocutor and thus ensure her domination.

Can one be safe from violence? Is this the postulate which underlies this text? Let us locate this question using the remarks of Piera Aulagnier in the violence of interpretation, which introduces a capital difference between a paramount violence necessary to survival and the advent of the subject and the violence itself which implies an excess, and develops the hypothesis that the child sees his satisfied needs vital only thanks to more or less successful interpretations that the maternal figure assumes from her reading of the vital signs which he emits.

This decoding can be done only as from the child's own affectivity, its conscious and unconscious desires, its values, its culture, its origin of class, its time, etc. It thus represents an external order with its laws, prohibited and regulations. The mother transmits, more radically imposes on the psyché of the child, through the physical care that she manages to give him, the marks of her characteristic psyché: "the maternal word pours a carrying and creative flow direction which pre-empts by far the capacity of the child to recognize the significance of it and to take it again on its account". (See P. Castoriadis-Aulagnier, La violence de l’interprétation, Paris, P.U.F. 1975, p. 36-40.)

In this way is a child made in the image of its mother.

She subjects the child to a primary violence necessary and impossible to circumvent "of the outside with the price of a first rape of a space and an activity which obeys the heterogeneous laws of the ego". (See Id., p. 40.)

If the psyché of the mother proves to be an effective prosthesis for that of the child, wrote Aulagnier, it is at the price of an inaugural violence in which the supply of direction precedes its own.

Violence, while not necessary to the abused person's survival, becomes a capacity which is exerted against her, destroys her capacity to reply, but more deeply and entirely constrained the manufactured abstraction of her own psychic dynamics internally to be modelled on that of the other, to be held constantly with the implicit capacity to anticipate all her desires, to dissolve, vanish, to make her at one with the other to ensure her peace of mind as her internalized conditions of survival.

Thus the beaten woman is considered responsible for the "sudden changes of mood" of her spouses due to her actions "which it caused", since she did not know or could not marry (sic) her legal desires. In these couples, only one of the two partners cannot exist at the same time, the other having given up all her desires to put herself at the service of those of the spouse.

Between a fundamental violence impossible to circumvent and structured for the abused person and an excessive violence which paralyses his capacity of mental development and its subsequent effect in his personality, is spread many strategies by which her psyché tries to deaden, to circumvent, and to eliminate what may cause a psychotic break.

Let us try to better circumscribe, for this purpose, which concerns aggressiveness and rage, on one hand, and of hatred, on the other.

Aggressiveness, in its primary form, appears as cruelty. It presupposes that the abused person is unaware of the other as an other. Associated the specular image, it tackles the threatening double. Due to the instinct to master, it will aim at the control of the object at all costs, including its destruction. With the service of the autoconservation of ego, it underlies dichotomic problems of oneself or the other. The real or imaginary possibility of a threat to physical integrity, insofar as it finds its roots there, will start a narcissistic aggressiveness.

Thus does marcissism arise.

Rage is born from a narcissistic wound. It emanates from a feeling of frustration or impotence of ego. Bound emulously, rage draws its pleasure from the destruction of that which the other enjoys. Rather rage is exerted in order to have what the other enjoys than to be the subject of the other's enjoyment.

Let us be concise and expedite this main point: nothing in the act of murder committed by Marc Lépine points to aggressiveness and rage as previously circumscribed.

As for hatred, it, for the Kleinians, is cleaved love in its most primitive expressions and, for Freud, ambivalence, being marked in this last case with the seal of sexual difference. Beyond these distinctions, which, on the heuristic level, appears most relevant for our matter is at the end of the article of Freud "the negation". (See S. Freud, « La Négation », in Résultats, idées, problèmes II, Paris, P.U.F. 1985.)

One reads there that the object as a foreigner with ego appears by hatred and expulsion or the rejection of what is presented in the form of different, Other. Is this the unknown foreign woman in the mother, whom incarnated by her life external with the hearth, as worker, which was the unconscious object of the hatred of Marc Lépine?

In its contribution to the process of identification with the aggressor, Ferenczi does not affirm that the child internalizes the hatred of the attacker - which on first glance would make it possible to suppose is the case with Marc Lépine - but he writes in his manifesto rather with the unconscious feeling of culpability of this one "is swallowed, devoured, engulfed" by the child. Additionally hatred is impossible when there is identification. Apparently in the case of Marc Lépine, one arrives at a double dead end of hatred - from the side of the father the identification, and from the side of the mother, the idealization - as we will see it before us. (See S. Ferenczi, Journal clinique, Paris, Payot, 1985.)

What about excess for the spiritual experience of this child? Only paternal physical violence? In addition Ferenczi presents trauma for the child as the unconscious perception of maternal hatred. This assertion cannot not be affirmed or cancelled without the necessary clinical data. Did a double locking of his hatred for his parents lead to his acting it out disproportionately by shooting only women?

At age 13 Marc Lépine had taken the maiden name of his mother as his surname, thus giving up his immigrant father's culture in favor of his mother's culture, which represents Québécois culture. (See D. Scarfone, « Batman et Lépine. La place du père », Prisme, vol. 1, n°1, Automne
1990)

He had broken a patrilineal filiation and had chosen, due to the divorce of his parents, an allegiance with his mother's clan within the context of Quebecois culture. One knows that the separation in 1973 of both parents was not done without important clashes, both physical and emotional, which led the mother to decide for herself and her two children, following a year of family therapy in 1975, without much contribution from the father, to receive her divorce from him in 1976.

As in all the children of divorce when the guardianship is entrusted to and assumed by only one of the couple, Marc Lépine is privately accessible one of his parents and cannot allow himself to lose the other which becomes his single object of love. In criticism of his mother's decision to divorce, he refuses to have anything to do with his father, so as to radically only find himself. All his emotional setting rests on his mother. If he holds her responsible as a culprit for the disintegration of the family unit, he must conceal or more probably drive back his attacks in his connection with his father. He will thus move this criticism later on from the private individual (his mother) to the General, (the women other than her mother: those which have a great public visibility - on his hit list - and the coeds of L'ecole Polytechnique, his rivals, since he had wished to make studies in this field at this school), of the singular (Oedipal rage) to universal (his anti-feminist rhetoric and 3-page manifesto).

This displacement will ensure the safeguard and protection, in short, the saving of its object of initial love (his mother). As the result of a more radical psychic mechanism still, the cleavage of the love and hatred towards the female object of the male's libido will leave intact the maternal imago.

In short, out of love for his mother Gamil Rodrigue Gharbi objectified his hatred for her leaving his father by changing his name to Marc Lépine and then descending into delirium to take the lives of 14 innocent women in his planned murder-suicide.

Starting from a male positioning the patriarchy, his denunciation of feminism enabled him to be torn off with the imaginary collecting of the maternal female universe to try to recover the phallus (the root of male power). But precisely, who he attacks are the women who, in his eyes, have this phallus (the power to enroll in a male-dominated field of profession) which deprives the men of their power. His father had exercised this power by and through physical violence against him; the feminists also have this power, thanks to this symbolic system of violence made this time at the men (by being students at L'ecole Polytechnique), according to him. This dichotomic oscillation indicates the dead end of Marc Lépine in his purely imaginary reference of identification, because ever mediatised by the interior presence of a third which would relativise it, or ONE or ONE (one year for one's life i.e. 14 deaths for each of his 14 years of trauma), which the radical disjunctive equation in which he is captive. Initially of the paternal hegemony, the feminist hegemony (instead of that of the mother) thereafter, to which he escaped, there are as many abuses of power which crushed Marc Lépine's spirit. There is no limit which decides between patriarchy and feminism, and which protects one from such abuses of power.

The impersonal law, the Name-of-Father (i.e. God), who precisely does not cleanly signify which father, but comes to him moreover from another lack (of a father) in childhood and its spiritual emblem (Jesus) even would be be abolished thereafter. Not having functioned as operator of a separation and a distinction between the father and the mother, the father and the children, it (God) is rejected and nullified; or rather the rejection by the son of the name of the father does nothing but record that it was already null and void for all the members of this family. The access to the symbolic system of rational order (God), and the loss of the male identity to the profit of a passage to the mother's clan, lineage and social culture will lead to the annihilation of self (as Gamil Rodrigue Gharbi).

Taken in the war of the sexes, that of his parents, reproduced on the socio-political scene, and taken in the dead end of his identifications both male and female, he tries at last once, by a "heroic" gesture, to liquidate the influence of the female on him. This wrenching, cathartic violent rupture will leave his mother intact (and safe). The young women of L'Ecole Polytechnique were immolated paradoxically in the funeral pyre arising out of the love of this man for his idealized mother.

In "Aux carrefours de la haine (With the Crossroads of Hatred)", Micheline Enriquez notes that: "the object of hatred is the object of an ideal which being revealed 'as) inaccessible requires its destruction and its derision. Thus of delirious hatred a desire of idealization and recognition changes which is never found in return but for its rejection, contempt, and exclusion". (See M. Enriquez, Aux carrefours de la haine, Paris, Épi, Desclée de Brouwer, 1984, p. 81.)

Doesn't it strike home even of the relation of Marc Lépine to his mother? Would his delirious hatred of feminism find its source in what Freudians pointed out that the father rejected and excluded this idealized mother? It is the woman in him which he attacked, through the other women, thus saving for the better the mother of his childhood so as to symbolically gain the life of the mother that he saves. Moreover, the inversion by which the man will become the victim of feminism will make it possible for Marc Lépine finally to clear his father (of his abuse of power) who his mother was the victim for a long time in his eyes and even with those of the legal system.

Purely abstract symbols of the evils of feminism (according to Marc Lépine) are assassinated. They constitute an open series of units, perfectly substitutable individualities - the ones with the others from their anonymity for the exterminator: (1 + 1 + 1)n. What could this series stop, taking into account the psychic dynamics of its author? It seems precisely that the last woman killed before Marc Lépine is not yet dead who addressed him in a desperate attempt to get him to come into contact with the subject of these acts (Maryse LeClaire), and not only with the impersonal killer himself thus leaving anonymity by addressing somebody (Marc Lépine). After her call for help to him, she is killed, but with a difference, LeClaire is stabbed within physical proximity whereas the automatic weapon shot the other victims from a distance. Immediately after, Marc Lépine stops shooting and kills himself. He destroys himself after being positioned and being challenged in his subjectivity: of individual he becomes nobody; from subject fixed with his madness, ultimately he eliminates this one and thus he even turns upon his own self this obsession to destroy the Other female one (by shooting himself in the head). By passing the attack of female back onto the masculine, Lépine heard here the call of his identifying location of control, the control of the other by physical violence as practised by the paternal figure.

(In essence, Lépine committed suicide because his stabbing of LeClaire brought him out of his delirium long enough for him to realize that in killing her - and in hearing the police storm L'ecole Polytechnique - he had eliminated finally the symbolic mother of his childhood and thus had to relieve himself of probable future legal punishment as his father had punished him during his childhood by shooting himself in the head. By his suicide he ended the horrors of child abuse inflicted upon him by his father.)

Omnipotent maniac or compulsive repetition? Reiteration ritualized and potentially without end of a cathartic gesture? Exorcism of the female feminism which incarnates the evil which was introduced in the beginning the family separation, the wavering of the identified positions?

What Marc Lépine keeps silent is what caused and produces his suffering and his loneliness. He assassinates those who are allowed to reach their desires (at L'ecole Polytechnique) whereas he could not do so, for they are those who replace, for him to some extent and his father in a late identification, an alliance with the masculine. His ultimate attempt at domination of the feminine and feminism starting from the initial paternal position (in his family) shows a failure, since he cannot remove subjectivity of the invested object anymore. He leaves the shade (of delirium) and turns over the weapon against himself when a woman acquires consistency (in asking for his help). His voice joins her, and then he collapses, dead. He destroys by physical violence this male imago (along the male line) following his refusal of an allegiance to the female one, which the call (for help) represented, the personalized petition of a young woman, to what he had initially adhered the side of the maternal imago to see there the foundation forever of his male universe. Quartered, torn between these two poles, his voice vanishes.

How of minus-ONE becomes plus-ONE? It became a social event, a date (in history and today continues to symbolize a Canadian National Day Against Violence of Women). The anti-hero of the gender war which threatens to burst through the fabric of the community awakens and reactivates the threat and the difficulty of the coexistence of divergent identifying reference marks of each one of us, as much as in our balance with the other, the Other sex, the daily Foreigner with whom it is necessary to cohabit. As Eugene Erniquez writes: "the social bond arises starting as a tragic bond: it enables us to understand that the others exist, not like possible objects of our satisfaction but like subjects of their desires, in other words like as much likely to reject us, to love us and express contradictory wills with ours, to present permanent dangers not only for our narcissism but also to our simple survival, and to be for us, in spite of that and at the same time as essential as the air as we breathe". (See E. Enriquez, De la horde à l’État. Essai de psychanalyse du lien social, Paris, Gallimard, 1983, p. 183.)

For many millenia, social coherence rested on the drain - the specialization of the roles of female and male - and on the denial of the psychic bisexuality of each individual who composes it. The social assignment of the sexual identity introduces an all the more large polarization and subsequent antagonisms as it hardens the differences between genders. At the time when those differences grow blurred, the beacons and the sexual reference marks, both subjective and social, are threatened. The feminist claims become certainly the persons in charge for identifying waverings, both the men and the women. The individual and social repression of the bisexuality assigns a stable identity, the ONE at the expense of the multiple which introduces confusion and distresses.

Everyone is confronted with the problem of the otherness and alienation in her heart. The immigrant (who is symbolized by the father of Marc Lépine) and feminism incarnate in our midst (the 14 women he shot and women in professional role they were historically excluded from before suffrage) poses a threat to social cohesion founded on the separation of the functions and the roles simultaneously to the recognition and the valorization of the similar one (as symbolized by both "Canadian" and the patriarchy co-opting the "average" Canadian).

The problem of the difference, and especially of gender - this variation which cannot be abolished (because it is genetically predetermined) - to be filled, proves in the heart of the tragedy of the human condition. How do we coexist with both our fellow human beings and with foreigners? These are theoretical questions, but very existential for each one of us. The challenge of a life whose failure of another (Marc Lépine) results in the death of several others (the 14 women of L'ecole Polytechnique), enables us to measure the depth of our existence!

If the madness is "absence of work", as Foucault thinks it, it calls for direction. If nature is horrorified by the vacuum (caused by unemployment), the culture in its turn seems to have horror of the meaningless! To work on the madness of the other then becomes a gesture to fight its impotence, and consequently to repair a narcissistic wound and especially to try to start a mourning (for the lost childhood). This essay seeks to avoid retrospectively the horror of a contemptible apocalyptic end, spoken like "what disturbs identity, system, and order; and what does not respect limits, places, and rules". (See J. Kristeva, Pouvoirs de l’horreur, Paris, Seuil, 1980.)

Violence undergone with acted violence, violence of the other with his violence clean, the reinsuring abyss which seems to separate them reduces them when this violence is re-examined in the light of what in each one, both male and female, causes our aggressiveness, our rage and our hatred. Is the madness always that of the other? Fabrikant and Marc Lépine both believed it in their manner. Us too! Doesn't the madness start precisely when one cannot integrate the direction of her own history, when a foreign (inappropriate) speech expels the subject of a clean word which safeguards its bonds with its unconscious desires?

20111107

Why the Poor Get Poorer: The Rich Got a Tax Break Stemming Back over 30 years


The reason why the poor get poorer is because the corporations and businesses owned by the the rich pay less taxes than they did 30 years ago.

Most of our current financial problems in Canada are attributed to NAFTA.

Signed in 1994 NAFTA was a response to the US recessions in the 1980s and 1990s, and was designed to eliminate trade barriers between the US's closest trade partners, Canada and Mexico.

The simple economic rule is:

Less taxes == less money to service the poor

Low taxes give the rich less of a tax burden, whilst placing an increasing burden on the rich. In response to tax breaks, corporations tend to hoard cash.

As well, the rich benefit from corporate welfare, which is more costly to taxpayers than public welfare because of the recent bailout of auto corporations and the Canadian government's propping up Canadian banks,

If the rich's Canadian tax burden was increased by 1 percent, then a few of the problems BC is undergoing would be reduced.

It would also revitalize the economy, resulting in more jobs with better wages.

Perhaps it's time for Canada's rich to pay their fare share.

For them to call a 1% tax increase unfair is laughable, as the corporate tax rate now is unfair to Canadian tax payers.

20111105

Speculation on Occupy Rome, Occupy Oakland and other musings

Oakland has been where the militant hippies resided after clashes at Haight Ashbury in LA during the 60s.

It's hard to say why Oakland turned out like they do today is primarily due to the influx of Yippies and other political groups, or the associated migration of rural people of all colours there from other places.

As well, because of ages-old clashes of color e.g. Crips and other black gangs, the police there became militant in response to high crime mainly due to poverty and fiscal mismanagement of predominantly white police departments in the city and suburbs.

In short, poverty is the leading cause of militancy amongst certain social activists in Oakland.

This may explain the violence in Occupy Rome since poverty is also endemic in various Italian metropolitan areas due to influx of migrant workers and the unfair distribution of wealth under the current coalition of moderate and right-wing parties.

Thus, Oakland may be this way due to the 1% who are predominantly right-wing conservatives supported by a strong Big Business presence.

It also explains San Jose, and nations run by conservatives globally, including Germany.

Germany is of note because it has used spyware to monitor its citizens, primarily in Bavaria, which has a high influx of immigrants.

20111026

My Google Account got Hacked Recently

About 48 hours ago, on October 24, 2011 I'd noticed that my Acer LiquidE Android phone was having a problem logging into Google.

Last night I corrected that problem.

Then it seemed my Yahoo email account might have been compromised too; but that was a false alarm I credit to fatigue since I'd been up since 0430h on October 25.

Today I have changed my Google account password, and may never know what happened.

When I changed my password Google claimed there was a lot of abnormal activity regarding my account, but failed to provide details.

For all I know, my use of the insecure Wifi portal at UBC on Monday might have been when the breach occurred.

However, this means having to email UBC's IT department.

Hopefully, the hackers did not get my CWL account password.

So, after this blog entry I plan to do just that: email UBCIT and see if we can work together to catch these hackers at the university.

NOTE TO HACKER(S): I am onto you. I will hunt you down. You will be tracked, and your days are numbered. This is your first and only warning!! This is not an idle threat. — Sageb1

20111016

Three Tips from Steve Jobs




Three tips from Steve Jobs from 2005 college graduation:

  1. Connect the dots from the present to the past. How a calligraphy class helped give the Mac great typography.
  2. Love and loss - age 30, fired from Apple, and went and founded NeXT & Pixar, as well as meeting his wife. NeXT helped evolve the Mac from 68000 to proprietary *BSD.
  3. You are already naked. Be ready to die.

20111007

Masturbation and Mental Health

Anyone notice how mental health advocates subtly associate masturbation with anti-social behavior when it's actually a form of safe sex?

Did you know that the majority of sex offenders NEVER practice masturbation but consistently fail at safe sex?

Thus the fallacy that masturbation is not pro-social is promoted rather than that it's a form of safe sex which prevents pregnancy.

Therefore as part of a rapist's sentence, he must masturbate before he sees the hot doctor for tberapy.

As well, there ought to be a therapy session for mental health consumers about sexuality with a pro-masturbation component.

Additional, contraband such as pure MDMA should replace the stimulants now in our prisons in Canada.

It is for the good of their mental health.

YMMV

20111006

it's Your Choice So Choose Wisely

The obsession about good and evil as separate is the prime delusion to which Christianity, Judaism and even Islam subscribe.

You cannot have God without the devil, for God is author of good and evil.

Yet the dichotomy of good or evil is what the religious leaders of Christianity, Judaism and Islam preaches.

This is a duality, which is held out, hoping people choose good over evil.

Yet good and evil are on both sides of the coin called religion.

You cannot have good without evil; it is an impossibility.

You can only choose one over the other.

Yet facing both is a daily choice, for God is still the Author of good and evil.

So choose to be at one with Him.

Accept what you cannot change.

Have courage to change what you can.

Be wise enough to differentiate between them.

This is what God grants you.

It still is your choice to decide between good or evil.

20110927

A Vampire Story in Arabic

كانت ليلة صيف دافئة ط كان يسير على طول شواطئ المنتجع الذي كنت أقيم لمدة أسبوع. كانت الموسيقى من نادي الرقص في المسافة تركزت على أذني اليك صدى الأمواج المتلاطمة. لقد كنت دائما حيد حتى في حشد من الناس فضلت الصمت الميتة التي الخلوة تقديمهم إلى تلك الروح أنا متعود أكذب وأقول أنني كنت 100 ٪ الرصين كنت شعور جيد للغاية لالتقاط للتو ، وترك كل شخص وكل شيء كنت قد عرفت قبل لذلك كان ليلة مجانا س ط الفكر الحر للتفكير حر في أن الذي أريد أن تكون هذه الخطوة أثارت أعلى في السماء السماء المظلمة أصبحت مضاءة بنور القمر الكامل. كما واصلت الاستماع إلى كسر الأمواج على الشاطئ بدأت أسمع ينتحب وينتحب أن يتوقع المرء أن يجد في الجنة الاستوائية ومشيت سيرا على الأقدام أقرب بلدي أصبح حذرا حتى لا يكون لاحظت جئت بناء على ذلك يبدو وكأنه معشوقة وكان العالم كله اقتلعت قلبها النابض ورمى به بعيدا لمجرد أنها من الجحيم. كما مشيت أوثق هذا الجمال البني العينين بدا انها وسأل "ما اريد؟" الرسم نفسا عميقا وقال "أنا سمعت البكاء أردت أن أرى إذا كنت ما يرام" قالت إنها تتطلع في وجهي فاجأ مع التعبير لماذا لا تقوم حتى رعاية بطولة لي مع وجهة نظر معظم رائعتين كنت قد رأيت من أي وقت مضى لذلك أنا ساعدها على إزالة قدم سترتي من الأسلحة ووضعها على كتفيها منذ الهواء قد حصلت برودة كما بدأنا السير نحو العودة الى الفندق الذي يقيم في ط ط يمكن أن نرى ابتسامة بدءا بتشكيل ولم أكن أعرف أنها كانت ابتسامة مصاص دماء التحجيم حتى وجبة المقبل لها سألت اسمها وأجابت للجمعيات الخيرية وعرضت نفسي على النحو جاي رجل مع عدم وجود اتجاه الريح ولكن أين سيكون ضربة لي. سألت اذا كان لديها على البقاء في مكان فإنها تكون آمنة أثناء سيرنا في مقدمة شريط الشاطئ كنت قد غادرت قبل ساعة فقط لا أعرف ما حدث أو لماذا حدث ما حدث يمكن أن كان Jagar كان لي بضع طلقات لم أكن لكني وجدت نفسي تقبيلها مع العاطفة ، وهذه النار التي بالكاد لاحظت انها لمسة باردة وهذا هو ما حدث لها بعنوان رقبتي الى جانب واحد وسريع في اقتراح واحد بدأ للعثور على القوة حياتي الدم التي شغلت رمى جسدي خدر الآن انها شربت فقط يكفي أن أول مرة ، وهمست في أذني وأنا وضعت خدر على الرمال من الشاطئ. "هذه ليست سوى البداية" كما هو الحال مع تلك الكلمات دخلت عقلي وذهبت عن الانظار بصفتي ط نزفت على هذا الشاطئ


Translation:

On a warm summer night i was walking along the beach of the resort that I was staying for a week. The music from the dance club in the distance focused on my ears against the echo of crashing waves.  

I have always been single. Even in a crowd of people, I preferred silence and feeling dead, alone to  bring them to that spirit.

I wont lie and say I was 100% sober. 

I was feeling very well to pick up and just leave everyone and everything I had known before. 
So it was a night to be free.... i thought "Free, free to think that I want this to be raised higher in the sky". The dark sky became illuminated with the light of the full moon. I also continued to Ilisten to the breaking waves on the beach. I

 began to hear sobbing and sobbing that one would not expect to find in a tropical paradise. So I walked on foot near the sound of crying. As I approached, I  became cautious so as not to be noticed.

As I approached, I came upon what seemed like a young lass, crying as though the whole world was ripping her heart out beating, and threw it away just because she had made her own hell.  

As I walked closer her beautiful brown eyes seemed to ask, "What do you want?" 

Drawing a deep breath I said, "I heard crying. I wanted to see if you were okay,"  She looked at me, surprised and asked "Why don't you even care?" 

Encouraged by the view of the most adorable woman I've ever seen, I helped her remove  Imy jacket of weapons and put them on her shoulders since the air has got colder as we started to walk back toward the hotel.

I could see a smile starting to form on her beautiful face, and did not know it was the smile of a vampire sizing up her meal.  I next asked her name and she replied "Charity",  Introducing myself as Jay., letting care fly in the wind, wondering when this would be a blow to me.  

I asked if she had a place to stay iwhere she would be safe during the night..During the introduction at the beach bar she had left an hour before but just do not know what happened or why it happened. 

I had a few shots of Jagermeister, t I found myself kissing her with passion. This fire that I barely noticed it was a touch cool.  This is what happened to her: she tilted my neck to one side and fast in a single proposal began to find strength in my life blood that ran through my body was numb now as she drank only enough that the first time, and whispered in my ear and I felt numbness in my bare feet on the sand of the beach. 

 "This is only the beginning." As is the case, those words entered my mind and I went out of sight as I bled on this beach .

20110914

Checking the Paint


When I was outside Waterfront Station one fine day, I spotted a "wet paint" sign on the columns.

So after checking to be sure the paint was indeed dry, I flagged down a passerby and had this shot snapped.

20110912

Dear Twitter Followers (poem)

I wish you were here
instead of far, far away.
Is that too much to
ask? I want you today.
Yet I cannot bear
to be away
for long, because our time
spent online means
so much to me? Does it, you?

20110911

Dear Dr Benway

I know that you are monitoring my posts, and have a backup copy of my recent post mentioning your real name, and our mutual friends.

Condolences for your mother having been removed from your home to a care facility for the elderly.

It is safer for her there than with you.

After meeting with her once in the hospital, I have determined that contrary to what her doctor has officially stated, your mother did not suffer a stroke.

Rather, due to the stress of emotional and physical abuse, she has developed selective amnesia.

She resents your brother FL not being a part of her life so much that she has developed a paranoid ideation that anyone who met her in the hospital was "sent" by him.

In short, your mother exhibits schizotypies which may be prodomal to schizophrenia.

She is afraid of FL, and projects her subconscious realization that the true "thief" is you onto him.

Indeed, your brother is the good son.

As for property taxes, your brother is capable of taking care of that. Most of your phone lines were in his and his wife's name. You are lucky to have one phone line.

In the future, it is in your best interest also to stop scamming your Maple Ridge GF.

Get a job; or at the least, go on welfare.

20110907

What My Life is Exactly Like




Yes, I barely talk when by myself.

Blogging online and contributing to Craigslist forums is not talking; it's stream-of-consciousness channelling whatever is on my mind.

I barely do this in publicm because I've yet to find a sponsor.

20110831

A Wake Up Call

Around 5 AM I got woke up by an angry female voice outside who told of the story of her pregnant roommate trying to kill her.

The man who was with her mumbled his reply back — he was smart to remain soft-spoken.

After a couple minutes they moved on.

This is why I dislike being within earshot of an argument or someone raising their voices so the whole neighbourhood could hear.

It makes me wish I took my sleep aid when I went to sleep at 2 AM.

On reflection, I feel a little sheepish because I raised my voice in the past, mainly due to not letting other people off the hook first so that I could get off the hook more easily.

It is disheartening to realize that a few people make so many inappropriate choices that they are prone to anger like that.

All I can do is meditate on what I heard and pray that my journey out of unforgiveness guided by the light of loving-kindness into recovery continues.

I realize that I cannot change what I hear.

What I am able to change is to transcend the habitual tendency to react to what I hear and act on the message hidden underneath all that hurt and anger.

What that lady is actually saying is "I am hurting, and upset my roommate tried to kill me because we didn't let each other off the hook."

It makes me thankful that I've let off my family, friends and loved ones off the hook.

By doing so, it is possible to quiet anger and heal my wounded soul.

All it takes is prayer and meditation on the messages hidden in an unseen stranger's anger.

So I am grateful for this woman who raised her voice in anger, and woke me up.

After a moment's meditation, all that comes to me is: "There but by the grace of God go I."

20110830

Life as It Should Be / Life as It is (Poem)



Life as it should be
rarely ever comes to pass,
lest we imagine
it as we wish it be, while
searching for life as it is.

Life as it is rarely is
known to the fullest.
Though we have rare views of it,
often we would like
life as it should be - How vain
the search for something so rare!

Yet life that should be
would never agree with life
as it is, and none
have ever had both and lived
to share the tale with us all.

Thus it is best to accept
life as it is, than
to be stuck with life as it
should be, lest you find
yourself with no life at all!

The Spark Divine (poem)

Though we doubt existence
of God, no one knows how
birds know when to sing.
When a poor fool attributes
all of this to some divine spark,
he's derided for his simple answer
by others still in the dark.

While we know exactly
when the sun may set,
few of us can explain why
some sunsets are rosy
while others are drab and gray.

A generation may pass
before a wisened scientist
steps up to hypothesize that
in all life, there is a spark divine.
In response to his hypothesis,
the whole world might jeer:
"We knew that all along!"

Meditation on Transcending Life as It Should Be (poem)

Breathe in darkness; breathe out light
Within a heartbeat
Is the ticking of the clock.
When dancing, breathe deep
And transcend your mortal frame.

Spare no effort in
Transcending the mortal frame —
Just sit and relax!
One's whole lifetime is spent on
This healing inner journey!

Breath in pain; breathe out the cure
Called "life as it is",
Letting go of "I, me, mine",
Only to receive
The gift of basic goodness.

Once you are healed, go!
Go and live life as it is,
And forget about
Holding onto your riches —
Just share your life with others!

Six More Sessions with the Psychotherapist

August 30, 2011: That means twelve more weeks of therapy (about 3 months).

So from November, I shall be on my own to cope with depression and anxiety, the result of the social isolation which starts around this time of year.

Though, my experience since age 2 has shown to me that the anxiety was learned from my parents, along with the depression from my mother.

While this is discounted by most people, I know it to be true for me.

This truth has freed me from believing that anxiety and depression are solely a biochemical reaction to longer nights and shorter days.

Instead, I feel that the social isolation is most likely a defense mechanism complicated by social anxiety.

Currently I feel fatigued, yet am willing to pause and reflect on the pluses for today.

Overall I am satisfied with the service I obtained from my local mental health centre.

Update 20130203.1213:

It now has been a year and four months since the end of psychotherapy at the local mental health centre.

Things have improved immensely since my medication was changed to gabapentin (200 mg twice a day) and cyclobenzaprine (10 mg at bedtime as needed).

In addition, it has been a couple weeks since finding and buying the following books:

  • Buddhism of Wisdom and Faith by Thich Thien Tâm.
  • Buddhism: An Introductory Guide to the Buddhist Tradition by John Snelling.
  • afterzen: Experiences of a Zen Student Out on His Ear by Janwillem van de Wetering.

As for my behavior since getting those books, it improved immensely. Though I did commit errors due to the remnants of egocentricity, which arises when negativities unsettles my mind.

Sometimes my fears get the best of me. For example, yesterday I was called in to work to fill un for another worker who'd fallen ill due to stress.

When my shift supervisor called me, he passed on information on the night shift building security guard that he was of the opinion that the security company I work for was inferior to the company that he's worked for all his career.

Fearing having to meet up with him, I decided to drop off the key fob assigned to me by the day shift guard at the desk, unsecured and vulnerable to theft.

While meeting with the night shift guard, he said I should return the fob to him. When I indicated that I'd left it at the desk in an unsecured manner, he left to recover it.

Later on, he came down to ask if I had been in the stairwells since the sensors had alerted him to possible breaches in security. In response to his inquiry, I stated that I have never entered any of the stairwells that night. His reaction was to cuss under his breath, as he was expecting a curt "Yes Sir!" rather than what sounds like an excuse.

Overall though, despite being alerted of frequent friction with the night guard, I actually only saw him twice all night. Based on the gender of the worker I replaced early this morning from midnight to six, I suspect that he might have a hint of misogyny along with the associated egocentricity.

In my way of thinking, putting down another company to make the company you work for seem superior hints of a dysfunctional ego clinging to inferior and superior.

How unnecessary are comparisons!

Later on that night, while I was meditating, I made a point of placing both hands together to meditate on what I learned from the night guard.

Since my meditation is done for the benefit of all sentient beings, including myself, I am certain that the evil karma (misunderstanding instruction about the key fob) was burned off through Buddhist Recitation and meditation.

As you can see, the Buddhist practice of Buddha Remembrance and breath meditation are my two main forms of self-help which benefit not only me but all sentient beings.

However, I am not so vain as to believe Buddhism is superior to psychotherapy due to my "lone wolf" practice.

Chinese Pure Land Buddhist retreats will not help me as I am unable to sit zazen. However, I am sure that Google Plus actually has a wide spectrum of spiritually deep members.

In conclusion, this humble blogger (points to self) makes use of the Buddhist practice of book learning in addition to Buddha Recitation and breath meditation as self-help tools. For these tools help reduce anxiety and depression, but they uncover pure joy arising from the awakening of Bodhi Mind.

I am grateful to the Buddha for his Dharma, to Amida Buddha for the Pure Land where I will be reborn on death, and especially to Shinran Shonin for founding his True Pure Land Buddhism.

Thank you for reading this blog post!

Seligman on a God Who is Not Supernatural

"Like many Westerners, the idea of a transcendent purpose (or of a God who grounds such purpose) has always seemed untenable for me. Positive Psychology points to the way toward a secular approach to noble purpose and transcendent meaning — and even more astonishingly, toward a God who is not supernatural." - p. 14, M. Seligman, Authentic Happiness

A God who is not supernatural is nature in its splendour within Einstein's cosmic religion with trees as temples and forests as churches that Gorbachev respected.

Perhaps Seligman has heard of Gorbachev's quote.

Furthermore, it seems like he has heard of Matthew Fox.

So I am curious about Seligman because his "God who is not supernatural" echoes in the words of Gorbachev and Einstein.

Indeed it has a subtle ecumenical feel to it which is broad-minded and embraces all forms of human expression, including art and science. :)

Reference:
Matthew Fox on belief, chaos and fundamentalism: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CfPqO30hHE

Gorbachev quote: I believe in the cosmos. All of us are linked to the cosmos. Look at the sun. If there is no sun, then we cannot exist. So nature is my god. To me, nature is sacred. Trees are my temples and forests are my cathedrals. -- "Nature Is My God" - interview with Fred Matser in Resurgence No. 184 (September-October 1997)

20110829

Update of Personality Disorder Test

For reference see Personality Disorder Test Update.

OCD and Schizoid appears to be dominant, with Anti-social, Paranoid and Borderline taking a distant second. However, this test is not a diagnosis.

It actually is a method of labeling from a psychiatric view. So in contrast, I've added a Myers-Briggs analysis for comparison.

I'm not afraid of the labeling at all.

Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||||||| 54%
Schizoid |||||||||||||| 58%
Schizotypal |||||||||||| 46%
Antisocial |||||||||||||| 54%
Borderline |||||||||||||| 54%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 46%
Narcissistic |||||||||| 38%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 46%
Dependent |||||||||||| 42%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||||| 58%
Take Free Personality Disorder Test
Personality Test by SimilarMinds.com


Myers Briggs - Jung test results:

Your Type is
INFJ
Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging
Strength of the preferences %
78 12 62 22

Both these tests are similar to picking a passage in the Bible and using it to determine a course of action. That is not unlike fortune-telling.

Therefore, these tests are of limited usefulness. However, they do inspire me to carefully look beyond a psychiatric explanation for my current life.

20110828

Enjoy the Challenges of Mundane Life

In this post-modern world, it is in every healthy person's best interest to enjoy the challenges of mundane life.

For mundane life needs that calm head to choose from several equally effective solutions, and the ability to process the emotions and feelings which arise as they happen.

This helps to develop the skills necessary to deal with emergencies. The challenge of emergencies, though, needs a calm head, an effective strategy (effective == reduces stress), and hours of processing the emotions and feelings which arise after the emergency is over.

Do I have everything covered?

No, because sometimes if my anxiety acts up, then I also have to deal with mundane life through the filter of one of the following:

  • a panic attack
  • general anxiety
  • social anxiety
  • mood swings
  • depression

    Usually I am oblivious to other people's emergencies, unless they affect me directly.

    My ability to cope would be affected if I took personally every emergency which is out of my hands.

    So it is up to each of us to accept the challenge of mundane life, and develop the skills needed to handle the temporary emergencies that sometimes happens.

    Thus is it necessary to enjoy the challenges of mundane life!
  • Truth and Honesty (poem)

    Never let knowledge stand
    in the way of truth.
    Never allow learning block you
    from seeing the truth.
    For truth and honesty should come
    before all else.

    Never bend the truth to
    fit your beliefs.
    Never suppress honesty to
    justify your faith.
    For beliefs and faith should be
    supported by the truth.

    Let truth be the foundation
    of your knowledge.
    Let truth help you learn
    to be honest with the facts.
    For truth and honesty serve us
    best when applied wisely.

    Let your beliefs be true,
    straight to the core of wisdom.
    Let your faith be embraced by
    honesty and thus justified.
    For beliefs and faith support
    truth which is everlasting.

    Originally written April 30, 2010 at 10:42 PM

    On the Mind

    Kashyapa said: "Mind is not to be found within. Nor does it exist outside. And it can not be observed anywhere else."

    To which Maitreya adds: "Mind has no shape, no colour and no location. It is like space."

    In our delusion, what is arrogant and conceited but ego?

    Yet ego itself has no substance (no, shape, no color, no location), is impermanent, existing neither within nor without.

    It is the seventh consciousness, and once it is appeased, delusion falls away.

    Yet the eight consciousness is seen to be non-self, i.e. not a soul that transmigrates, but where the seeds of karma are sown, including the desire to spiritually awaken.

    Originally written June 28, 2010 at 11:29 PM

    I am Vindicated in Not Returning to Facebook

    Late last year in October 2010, I stated that I felt vindicated in not returning to Facebook. This was less than 100 days after first documenting the fact that my time on Facebook was over.

    With Anonymous set on destroying Facebook on November 5, I am glad for not returning to Facebook.

    All the Java scripts on Facebook slow down your web browser, forcing people who can afford it to upgrade to fast yet expensive PCs.

    Even I had problems using Facebook with Linux because of those scripts.

    Those scripts pushed ad content and kept track of your Facebook experience.

    As well, other scripts more malevolent might give you a Trojan that might kill your Internet access instead of merely pushing advertisements.

    While I don't necessarily agree with what one faction of Anonymous is doing, this is one time when I am vindicated in not returning to Facebook.

    20110825

    Stereotypes in Buddhism: Karma, Reincarnation and Meditation

    "Stereotyping" in Buddhism happens when one considers all the types of creatures to be reborn as, yet feels that being born human is the ideal rebirth.

    Of course, that's for Buddhists who believe in reincarnation, mainly Tibetan Buddhists.

    The stereotype in this case is the Western interpretation of reincarnation.

    From the Christian view, reincarnation is explained as "the work of the devil". The reincarnated persona is considered to be a "daemon" out to fool people.

    That's stereotyping in its dark form.

    From the Eastern view, the reincarnated persona is "real", and it's best accept the person who claims to be a reincarnation of a deceased person.

    For some, reincarnation may be considered as the result of a wish to live on beyond one's lifespan.

    In traditional Buddhism it is the fruit of one's actions which get passed on to later generations.

    Thus reincarnation is in conflict with the concept of "no-self" i.e. that the self is impermanent and does not exist after death.

    One stereotype that comes to mind at this point regards meditation, which is stereotyped as "sitting while thinking about nothing, & doing nothing".

    Sometimes meditation is even discounted as a "non-productive way of spending one's quiet time".

    Overall, meditation promotes clarity of thought which leads to deeper insights about life.

    It can be done anywhere, and be useful to anyone, precisely because it promotes calm and peace, the essence of serenity.

    After long and careful thought it may be possible to see that reincarnation is not about a permanent soul existing after death, but about the effects of a person's spiritual actions after her death.

    These effects are known as karma.

    And it is up to each of us to act in such a manner as to overcome our anxieties about karma and reincarnation through meditation.

    20110823

    Love is Better than Anger

    "Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world." - Jack Layton, 1950-2011 RIP

    20110822

    Patience is the Beginning of Wisdom (poem)


    Patience is the beginning
    of all known wisdom,
    for she who waits patiently
    reaps the benefits
    of her fortitude.

    He who waits will gain
    much from patience than from haste,
    that each little pain
    is the bitter fruit of waste,
    whose black juice his heart does stain.

    Yet patience has as reward
    the sweetest wisdom,
    worth far more than gold itself —
    to savor with ease
    with plenty of time to spare.

    20110821

    The Irony of Loving-Kindness

    A month ago, I talked with my best friend.

    That day, out of impulse, I needed to explain myself to her.

    Anyway, we arranged to meet at the church where I graduated from a Christian 12 Step program called Freedom Session that she facilitates.

    While I waited there, I greeted a few people I know, including the program's coordinator. As well, I donated spared change from my pocket to the church.

    When my best friend arrived, we chatted for a little while.

    In addition, I mentioned that I came to the program as a Buddhist curious about Christianity.

    She replied that she has her mind set on a man who is a firmly rooted in Christianity.

    She also advised me to tell my facilitator, who I'll call Harry, about my reasons for my curiosity in Christianity.

    Before heading off to her volunteer work, she offered me a ride to the closest rapid transit station.

    On the way there I wanted to say to her, "I was taught to fear God out of respect for Him, which results in a Christian becoming fearless."

    However it came out garbled, sounding more like "In facing fear, a person becomes fearless."

    The next day I said to my facilitator that I came to the program as a Buddhist curious about Christianity, and he asked me how he could be of help.

    I replied that we should talk more about Christianity, mentioning that in Buddhism, we are supposed to take the best of what is offered in other spiritual traditions and leave the rest unblemished.

    What this means is, as a Buddhist, I will not put down other spiritual paths.

    Any jokes I have made in the past about Christianity reflects more of my own shortcomings than that of Christianity.

    As a result of our chat three weeks ago, we've been discussing Christianity, both in general and specifically about the Bible.

    The irony is that my Buddhist upbringing provides me with the tool of meditation to constructively make use of Christianity to enable loving-kindness — a concept common to both faiths — to overcome my personal issues.

    Meditation helps me achieve the clear mind to clearly see my way through almost any situation I encounter and develop the insight to help over my issues.

    My curiosity about other spiritual paths reflects humanity's curiosity about discovering one's purpose in life.

    I believe that my spiritual faith helps me to let go of the trivial details about life.

    In letting go of such details, the complications behind my personal issues may still remain.

    Yet I am able to more effectively deal with each of them.

    20110817

    Myths and Affirmations

    Daily we tell ourselves myths to avoid facing life.

    Such myths sometimes lead to depression, and friction with friends, family and loved ones.

    Yet there is a way of relieving depression known as cognitive restructuring i.e. reframing myths into affirmations.

    The following myths and affirmations are related to each other. They are derived from cognitive behavior therapy.

    1. Myth: Nobody likes me. It is unlikely people will ever like me, therefore I am not a likeable person.

      Affirmation: People have liked me. It is likely people will like me again, therefore I am a likeable person.

    2. Myth: I do not know how to dance, I will never be as happy as those people.

      Affirmation: I want to learn how to dance.

    3. Myth: I don't like being outside. Something bad might happen to me.

      Affirmation: In the past when I've been outside, something good happened to me: I got physical exercise, accomplished tasks, and enjoyed myself.



    20110814

    Destiny (poem)

    He who looks at someone's misfortune,
    and laughs with glee
    is himself devoid of compassion.

    She who looks at someone's good fortune,
    with great envy
    is herself unfortunate.

    On hearing of misfortune,
    cry with the unfortunate ones.
    In this way do the wise develop compassion.

    On learning of someone's fortune,
    be happy for them.
    That is all the wise wish for others.

    For fortune and misfortune are
    two sides of the coin called "destiny",
    and those of us who choose
    to see clearly will follow theirs.

    20110812

    Blog to Write "It" Out

    "It" refers to my thoughts and opinions, with careful consideration of what I write.

    I enjoy going back to edit my blog until what I write feels true to me — usually closer to reason than gut feeling, though sometimes with a mix of rational and emotive thought when necessary.

    Yet I prepare my thoughts before I put my feelings out.

    For blogging isn't a daily process at the moment because a life solely lived on the Internet lacks the inspiration that interaction with people in real life brings.

    While that's my opinion, we are all free to chose how we manage our lives, accordingly.

    Though there is more to life than living on the Internet.

    Every time I step out of my home, I savour every moment away as much as I do when returning home.

    Writing a blog entry helps me to express my thoughts, and explore my feelings in a way which is more public than my private journal entries.

    Although public opinion requires appropriate content, much of my private writing will not be exposed in this blog so as to preserve my peace of mind.

    For self-disclosure of matters best left private has often been unsettling, and sometimes embarrassing to me.

    Sometimes I even dread reading this blog after staying late the previous night, least I discover that one of my posts of the previous day contains something which might come back to haunt me.

    That's easily solved by going to bed at a decent time, coupled with thinking long and hard about what I wish to write helps me to rest comfortably.

    That blogging has helped me become aware of the difference between self and other is why I keep blogging.

    If I wish to be helpful to others through this blog, then it's by expressing myself thoughtfully and with careful consideration of the fact that other people may be reading it.

    Yes, I am careful about my choice of words when blogging, and admit to some self-censorship.

    Other times, though, when the topic is abuse and violence, I will express my feelings strongly.

    Life is too precious to wish the worst happened to other people — if I had done so in this blog, then I will find that entry and having regretted writing it, edit or delete it, depending on how I presently feel about the content I'd been writing.

    If that's called being inconsistent, then I am guilty of it. If in the past I wrote something that insults someone or makes light of tragedy, then when I find it, I'll edit it to remain consistent with good taste. If this is self-censorship, so be it.

    While that may sound politically correct, this blog would not be online long were I to step outside the boundaries of common sense.

    With careful preparation, I like to blog to write it out — my thoughts and feelings about myself and others.





    Self-control (poem)

    Hard it is to be independent
    of others, when in their presence
    I wrestle with negative emotions and feelings,
    which are completely my own.

    Easy it is to be independent
    of others, when in their presence
    I let only positive emotions and feelings
    remain in my control alone.

    What then is the difference
    between negative and positive feelings
    but the responsibility for
    one's emotions in the face of others
    which compassion provides?
    This is the gift of loving-kindness.

    For loving-kindness has been there
    from birth until death, which is not
    the choice of any person —
    and grateful am I to my Higher Power
    for knowing the difference between
    what I cannot change and what I can!

    20110811

    Mental Health begins by looking at mental illness in a new light

    It starts with My Mental Health, which helps one see clearly the folly of not closely examining misconceptions about mental illness.

    Forget the movies: they're not accurate in depicting anything but sometimes overdramatize mental illness without stopping to breathe life into a person who suffers.

    Though there are films in recent times which depict people suffering from such illnesses, they don't usually deal with reality honestly.

    Though Wikipedia provides a list of movies with a psychiatric illness as a theme, it would take much time to view these movies objectively and develop a respect for people suffering a mental illness.

    So in essence, all pop culture does is pick a mental illness, use its worst aspects to dramatize a convincing portrayal of a mental health client, and then let the viewer figure out if they can spot a person suffering from a mental health issue.

    FWIW that's a pretty shabby way to treat mental illness and people who suffer from it.

    Anyway, I am going to examine My Mental Health with a calm and respectful look.

    People suffer mental health issues, often with a lot of support and loving care.

    Yet it is not a big deal, and shouldn't be.

    Attaining Nirvana

    Some people are born again;
    evil-doers go to hell;
    righteous people go to heaven;
    those who are free from
    all worldly desires
    attain Nirvana. — Dhammapada 126

    Nirvana is freedom from suffering due to worldly desire.

    Worldly desire is also called evil passions, which cause us to calculate how to profit at the expense of other people's right to happiness and self-determination.

    In this context, evil refers to the negative selfish affect of passions i.e. egoistic desires.

    Passions refers to lust, anger, pride, attachment to worldly things, etc.

    In this context then, evil passions arise when all worldly desires distract us from our spiritual path in life.

    Our spiritual path in life is to attain Nirvana.

    To serve others and be helpful to friends, family and strangers is the means by which all Buddhists attain Nirvana.

    Thus through selflessness one is able to attain Nirvana, and be free of desire.